Married Ever After #05 – Principles 6 and 7

married ever after. This is session number

five.

How many principles have we covered so far?

Five Principles. Four of these principles came under the heading of what?

Before marriage, for principles from the Quran that are required for a person, male or female to be aware of well before they come into a marriage.

And then we started the second match of Quranic principles for those who wish to be married ever after. And what was the heading this what was this heading titled uncle? Do you remember?

Obama

for the duration of the marriage.

Yeah, so principles from the Quran for the duration of the marriage now.

To ensure its flourishing, we've covered one last week, your robot what was it?

Please

watch either Dana Komaba data and Marana he's placed between you both affection and mercy we elaborated upon what those mean, what they entail and how to foster them.

So let us cover principle number six under the second bundle of principles. Principle number six is where Allah subhanaw taala said for in our raw data, if you sign an agreement, or all the men whom our Tushar will find out, you know, Halima, if they both husband and wife.

Want to wean the child

based upon mutual consultation and agreement,

then there is no harm upon them. What does that mean? And how does that relate to marriage? Allow me to explain. So this is part of a verse from Surah Baqarah. This is part of the verse from Surah, to Bukhara, where Elijah Lagenaria, who is speaking about some of the rulings pertaining to the breastfeeding of children.

And Allah, gender, Juliana, who tells us that the rights of a child, a newborn, is to benefit for two full years of breastfeeding from his or her mother, when you add it out to your home the whole Lainey Cameleon, two full years of breastfeeding. What happens in a situation where husband or wife wish the weaning to be earlier than the full duration of two years.

According to the Quran, it's allowed, after a year after a year and a half it is allowed, but upon conditions,

there is agreement between them both.

And there is consultation as you just had.

This is the key word we're taking from this principle from the Quran for the flourishing of the marriage, Tasha, our consultation. The question is, do husbands and wife consult one another?

is mutual consultation between husband and wife at the level where it should be?

Or is it a situation whereby a brother feels that if he was to consult his wife, then all of a sudden his leadership in the relationship is undermined and called into question?

And is it such a that a sister when she senses that her husband wants to be consulted? Instantly, she will interpret this as being a sign of controlling behavior and toxic masculinity. And the rest of it.

However, you find with the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, the most complete of all men, the most secure in his manhood

and the most perfect in terms of human perfection,

when all of the eyes were on him, nevertheless, he wasn't afraid of this becoming a stigma attached to his name, that he is a man who consults his wife and was consulted by his wives. He didn't fear that.

And this applied in the beginning of his mission alayhi salatu salam, and during the peak of it as well, he was not afraid to consult his woman folk, in the micro matters, and in the macro matters that affected the Muslim masses.

And I'll share with you a few examples.

As early as his presence in Mecca it his salatu salam with his very first encounter with Revelation.

Look at how he sought counsel from habido the Allahu anha.

And when he met the angel in God Hara in the story, that all of you are aware of, and he came back running to his home from Hara Hara shaking. In fact, his heart was shaking as the narration of Anisha says and he says to Khadija, he

says to her the Milani that the Rooney cover me shroud me and she does that. She doesn't ask him what's wrong she waits

until he settles and then he turns to hide IJA as if seeking counsel and he says to her what? Like a cushy to Allah NFC. Yeah, Khadija he said Hadiya I feared for my life. What was that about? He didn't know that this was Angel Jibreel and this was the beginning of his mission as a Prophet from Allah.

I feared for my life. And here she begins to speak. And what does she say to him?

She says, Hola. Hola. Hema, Yokosuka Allahu Akbar. She said no, by Allah, Allah who will never disgrace a man like you.

In Nikola Tesla and Orion, you uphold family ties, what the Camino can, we'll talk real life. You assist those who are destitute you support those who are poor, you honor your guests. What do I know Allah and Allah, He will help and you support all of the causes of nobility and goodness, Allah does not disgrace people like you.

He accepted those words. And Khadija she felt that she had the space

to speak to her husband with those words, not just because she felt he needed it. But because this was the type of ethos we read in their family. They spoke to one another, they consulted one another.

You may say this was in the early parts of the download when he didn't know what this encounter was all apart, I say to you know, even later on in his life in Medina

as the latest years six after the Hijra when the city was established,

and the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam had received a substantial portion of the Quran, there was a military presence

became a

politics was heavily involved now in the running of the Muslim ummah. Nevertheless, he was not afraid to consult his wives. year six after the Hijrah. There was the encounter known as Al Davia where the Muslims are making their way to Mecca. And they're on the gates of Mecca they faced a slight predicament, what was the predicament?

They wanted to go and do their pilgrimage their Onra and the understanding was that they would the pagans, however, detain them and they said, No, you don't go in this year, and the Treaty of how they BIA happened. And there were a few clauses that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam agreed to one of which said, you don't do 100 This year, you go back to Medina and you'll come back next year and you do it again.

So they're wearing their haram clothing and they have with them they're sacrificial animals and they're waiting to go into Andhra and see their kava and to visit their homes again that they've been expelled from for many years.

And now they're being told you can't do that.

So he said to them time to shave your hair.

We're not doing our time to slaughter the animals are not doing ombre. And amazingly, not a single one of the companion responded.

They stayed still. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was not used to that type of behavior from them.

So he repeated the instruction and they wouldn't listen why this was an act of disobedience. This was out of hope that Allah would send some sort of revelation and the situation would change and they've gone all this distance now. And Mecca is just a few meters away, and they're being told to go home.

So they didn't respond. And so he goes back into his home.

And he is struck by grief. And he says to almost Allama his wife, they are not listening to me.

So she said to him, Jana be Allah, he had to humble daddy

are prophet of Allah? Is that what you want them to do?

And she gave him some suggestions. She said, go back

and slaughter your own animals in front of them. And then call your Baba and ask him to shave your hair.

And don't speak to a single one of them. Don't utter a word until they see you do that.

So he goes back out, and he slaughters his sacrificial animal. And he calls the barber he shaves his head as if to say the hombre has finished. We're not doing it this year. And what happened, all of the companions began to follow suit, they sacrifice and they shave their hair and that was the end of the problem.

So look at the role of an intelligent wife

and look at the confidence that their husbands should have in allowing his wife to influence him not just on the minor matters, but wherever reasonable and applicable on the macro matches the political matters even that effects the Muslim message.

for La ilaha illAllah.

So the verse that we're covering now is suggesting what consultation Tasha or one of the key ingredients of success for a happy and stable Muslim family, not just the happy Muslim family that is to say any family

and that is why you have a psychologist by the name of John Gottman. John Gottman is one of the leading researchers in the field of marriage today.

And him and his colleagues, they came together and they followed around 130, newlyweds for about six years, trying to understand what is it that makes a successful marriage and what is it that causes them to flop?

So

they came to a conclusion.

After the passage of six years,

the key ingredient to a happy and stable family is when a husband allows his wife to influence him.

And they found that the opposite of this, ie when a husband responds to the criticism or complaints of a wife by stonewalling or even belittling her sentiments, that most of these relationships fell apart, or that four fifths of them 81% To be specific fell a part when there was no consultation between them.

It's a phenomenal, phenomenal study, and a statistic that requires a lot of thought. Now the question that poses itself here, why is it that husbands

will resist this element of allowing their wives to influence them?

I'm asking you actually brothers, what do you think? Ego? So ego? What else?

Culture yeah, sometimes culture Drew? What else?

feeling? Feeling incompetent? Can you elaborate?

Very good. Yeah, that's a very good point. Yeah.

One more anything else?

People say, What will people say? Yeah, true. So these these are valid reasons. These are some of the reasons why some husbands will shy away from involving their wives, and allowing them to influence them wherever reasonable and appropriate. Sometimes this is because of culture. Sometimes this is because of

a type of behavior that was passed down from Mum and Dad, that's how you saw parents doing things, Dad never sought mom's opinion. So that seems to be the dumb thing. That's how things are carried out. Sometimes it's a bit of a ego issue. Sometimes it's because of perhaps an insecurity in some of us, as if to say that if I was to seek counsel from my wife, then it means that I'm incompetent, I'm unable to lead the family.

And my position of manager or executive of the family is being called into question. So I can't doubt that I don't want to be made to feel inadequate, powerless, and unable to lead. I would argue that the opposite is true, however,

that when you do allow your wife, my brother to influence you, wherever reasonable,

the opposite happens. You earn the right to lead on someone who is to be respected, and honored.

So this is not something that we should be afraid of. Now, having said this, I eat the principle that says consultation is key between husband and wife. I'm not suggesting that there has to be mutual agreement on everything. I'm not suggesting there needs to be a buy in and Iijima a consensus on of every matter, that's just not natural. It's not going to happen. Sometimes there's just an understanding between them both that we don't need to discuss everything.

There's an understanding that these things they go, we don't need to talk about them.

Sometimes there are petty issues that shouldn't even be brought up. And yes, there will be certain situations, although rare,

where a husband will need to have a final say, or an executive decision upon a matter. The buck has to stop somewhere. Leadership is with the husband. And that's been the situation all throughout history and the ages, in all cultures, in most of the world religions, with the exception perhaps to the last couple of years in parts of the West.

But that's rare. And that's by necessity, and it shouldn't become the norm. The answer should be a sign of the house.

healthy marriages that there is consultation between husband and wife. That is a sign of a healthy, stable and a happy and a happy family. So this is the first principle to shower that there should be consultation between husband and wife. Principle number seven

is where Allah subhanaw taala says from Surah two now either chapter five of the Quran, what thou unguided victory with the one

cooperate upon piety, and righteousness. While there are one while it can be one old one and do not cooperate upon sin, and transgression.

This principle if you wanted to summarize it in one word,

it's about elevating your marriage from survival, to significance.

It's about moving your relationship from something mundane, to something worthwhile,

and transcendental.

You will find that one of the most effective bits of advice I myself have ever come across when dealing with the many disputes that come my way on a daily basis almost between husband and wife is this bit of advice, and I'm going to share with you

that is captured in this idea.

Rarely will you find a bit of advice that is more effective in ending disputes,

and aligning them both.

And reigniting the flame of everlasting love than the piece of advice that says, cooperate with one another upon an Islamic joint activity of some sort. And more often than not, when speaking to couples who are falling out. And I asked them the question, what type of Islam have you brought in between you and your husband, you and your wife?

telling me about your Islamic relationship with one another? More often than not, they will say it is non existent.

And they wonder why is it now that they're beginning to drift apart, and they're finding other people more attractive than their spouses? It is an issue.

And on that topic of drifting apart, there was a alarming statistic 39%

of husbands and 36% of wives from a sample of people who were divorced, over a third of them said, the chief reason that we divorced was because we simply drifted apart.

No huge issue.

No aspect of infidelity.

No, it's just, we're growing apart.

He's taking his path and I'm taking my path. And there's not much shared recreational interest and not much religion between us and call us it's time to call it a day, drifting apart.

So this area has solved this issue what how and why they cooperate with one another upon Bill Antiqua, then a couple of whom I'm speaking to about the importance of bringing Islam into their relationship, we'll ask the next question. What are the benefits of doing that? I mean, how will this repair our relationship?

What changes can we expect in our marital life if we introduce their religion actively between us?

And I give them usually five answers. The first thing I say to them that you can expect instantly, is that you will develop an immovable rock of love into the relationship. How come very simple reasoning.

Our belief is that two of the names of Allah subhanaw taala, are we the most strong and that the ever enduring,

the most strong, most powerful, and the all enduring?

Therefore a relationship that is anchored upon Allah who is the most powerful and is the most enduring will become a relationship that is strong, powerful and enduring. It lasts.

You predator, you've built it upon your Lord subhanaw taala who has these characteristics?

And that is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in the Hadith which Bukhari and Muslim are right on the authority of NSE said said as one, Min Koo Nephi, he was at the beginning a holla. With an Eman there are three characteristics whoever attains them will taste the sweetness of email.

What are they any Hakuna Allahu wa rasuluh had the LA he may mess up. Number one to love Allah and His Messenger more than anything else.

Number two, when you have been Marilla you have

to love the person purely for the sake of Allah

when you're Kra on Yahoo

Definitely go free. There is an AKA hula homerun hook and I Accra and Yokota phenol and to hate to return to disbelief after Allah saved you from it the same way you hate to be launched into fire.

So the point of mentioning this hadith is point number two, to love a person purely for the sake of Allah. And as I've shared with you before, when we talk about not for the sake of Allah, we think of anyone but our spouse.

You think about loving yourself for the sake of Allah, your brother for the sake of Allah, the person you're studying within the masjid for the sake of Allah rarely do we think about my wife, my husband, I can actually love them for the sake of Allah subhanho wa taala. And that's what happens when you bring Islam between you and your wife, all of a sudden you have a new force that brings you together that transcends children,

and Deliveroo. And Netflix, you brought Allah you're literally into the religion, and that is for the most part, a fail proof relationship therefore.

And maybe some of you have heard about the love triangle, the love triangle, it's where you put husband in the bottom right corner for example, and you put wife in the bottom left corner of the triangle and then Allah geladeira Lu at the peak of that triangle.

What happens is that when husband and wife they improve their relationship with their Lord, and the draw nearer to Allah subhana wa Tada through Salah and Quran and fasting and vicar and Toba hijab, what is happening between husband and wife,

they are also drawing nearer to one another as they draw nearer to Allah.

And the opposite is true as they deteriorate in their religious conviction, move away from Allah, they are also moving away from one another.

And so bring Islam into your relationship, what happens it becomes a powerful and enduring relationship. That's number one. The second thing you can expect is that when Islam comes into your marriage,

pettiness is evicted.

I can't count to you, my brother and my sister, the amount of times I've sat with couples

who are too shy,

to even bring up the issues

that are causing a rift between husband and wife. That's assuming they can even remember it sometimes.

Because it's petty and it's trivial, and it's embarrassing.

So they are allowing the most small things of life to slow them down.

What happened there is that shape or shape and he saw a window of opportunity that was open,

that they hadn't filled with lofty matters. So Shavon said no problem, you have a gap, I will fill it for you. And he fills it with these petty fallouts. However, a relationship that has brought Islam between him and her. They're too busy to be slowed down by these petty things. Their minds are too occupied, they are thinking beyond life. They are thinking on the Quran therapy or spirituality. I mean by that Dawa reformation,

they won't be slowed down by these petty things anymore.

And that's the second benefit. It evokes pettiness from a relationship when you allow religion to actively play a role in your relationship with your husband and wife.

The third thing that you can expect is that your spouse when you bring Islam into the religion becomes the most attractive person to you in your eyes.

And that is what is amazing. It even has an aesthetic payback.

When you aren't mutually worshiping Allah together occasionally are talking about him occasionally are working together occasionally, you aesthetically become more pleasing to one another.

And I remember the story of a Moroccan brother. I'm pointing out Muhammad, he's Moroccan but it's not his story, you'll you'll be reassured

a Moroccan brother of ours who said that I came from a very wealthy background

that wasn't really practicing their religion.

And according to him, he said that beauty when it comes to women is always found in the elite side of the community. That's that was his opinion.

And therefore, because of my sinful ways, and because of my wealth, my I became accustomed to very high standards of beauty. Nevertheless, years passed by Alhamdulillah, Allah guided my heart and I put an end to all of this behavior.

And I would raise my hand to ALLAH asking him for a wife of very specific characteristics. I will blur out the rest inshallah. Right? But anyhow, he says, I wanted something very specific for my wife, righteous woman, a good woman, but I wanted he's a human being.

And I wasn't going to accept anything less.

And wherever I went, I made dua for this woman. When I was doing my Alma on my Hajj, do

While drinking ZEM ZEM dua breaking my fast do a very specific dua for a very specific woman of specific characteristics and dimensions and features and the rest of it. And so he said, subhanAllah, many years passed by, and Allah agenda genetica, who sent this exact woman,

to the home of my mother and father, with her family, under Hamdulillah. We were went.

He said, on one night, when I was asleep,

I woke up,

only to find her wearing her full job, her full jilbab standing by herself in the middle of the room facing the Qibla and praying to Allah subhanaw taala in the night prayer, and he said, subhanAllah, I had no idea that this was her way. And he said, it was just a snapshot. You know, when you turn from side to side, you open up your eyes, you see something, and then you go back to sleep. He said, that's what happened. He said, nevertheless, that image of her insula was etched in my mind. I couldn't ever remove it.

And therefore, every time I saw a source of beauty, that Shavon would say to me, topples the beauty of my wife. That image of hers in Salah appeared. And instantly that image eclipsed everything else that may be walking in front of me. So this is true. When there's Tao when Albery with Taqwa cooperation upon piety and righteousness in a marriage, it has an aesthetic payback. This is from the generosity of Allah subhanho wa taala.

So what have we mentioned so far?

What was number one yeah Hashem development a stronger love for each other? Yes, a an immovable rock of love what was number two

Shabaab somebody from the side. This is the benefit of writing. See.

There'll be no more pettiness in the relationship. Number three,

Spot discuss becoming the most attractive that spouse becomes the most attractive person to you. Number four,

you are

to expect an easier interrogation before Elijah and legendado.

Those who bring Islam into their marriages. Number four, they can also expect an easier interrogation before Allah subhanaw taala on the Day of Judgment,

all of humanity

with the exception to a blessing, few

will have to stand before Elijah Legionella, who in his court before entering paradise and hell to experience a grueling moment that may take very long

to be interrogated about the small and the large, the minor, the major that you did throughout your life.

And what is amazing is that these questions have been given to us well in advance.

We know what to expect before the king Subhanallah died. And one of those questions is going to focus about your behavior with your family, as a shepherd, as a leader of your household. What did you do?

And that is why you have done the rates on your authority of Ennis that the messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa send them said, in Allah has said you don't Kundera and Mr. Rao who are happy about by ya, us Allah Raju Ang Lee Beatty, he Allah is going to ask every shepherd about his flock, whether he upheld the responsibility or he lost it till a man will be asked about his household.

That is a question to expect.

Therefore, those who bring this Anam into their religion into those who bring Islam into their relationship nice and early.

They are to expect an easier accountability before Allah because they've done the hard work today.

And in another Hadith would you burn the rates on your authority? Babu, hoorah yo, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Lyle kya na hadoo Komarov Dahu, Yeoman Tiana, fire hula, who Alam Osaka local high level Ibn

Al Azhar Cattaraugus waterbar, Alam was a whisker Fula and Ha ha ha pub ofoma. Now to whom was a watch to Korea. Allah Almighty is going to ask a person on the day of judgment that's us. And He will say to him

Did I not subdued for you camels and horses?

Did I not give you positions of leadership and authority?

Did I not marry you to such and such a woman? Many men are

for her hand in marriage, and I prevented them and I married you to her. Allahu Akbar. So this is a question that you and I are gonna get on the day of judgment. And what better way to prepare for it than bringing s&m actively into your relationship? That is number four. And the fifth and final benefit you cannot you and I can expect when bringing Islam into this relationship is

a joint entry into Jannah.

The same way that you came together and that's the key word here to glorify Allah agenda Judah who in dunya, Allah who will reward them by allowing them to enter Jannah together on the Day of Resurrection Allah said in us haberl Jannetty Leona Fischer when in fact one

indeed the people of paradise on this day will be amused in joyful occupation Allahu Akbar home was wild to home feeling and and they and their spouses will be in shade and an era he would take your own reclining on beautiful adorned thrones.

At this point,

a couple who are hearing these words, and this is the type of payback to expect when you bring Islam into your relationship will naturally ask the question, how do I do that?

Like my name is Mohammad, her name is Fatima. We're Muslims by name we pray. But how do we reap all of these benefits that you speak of by apparently or supposedly bringing Islam into the relationship? What does that look like? What do I need to do? And here are a few suggestions.

The first of them brother sister is the element of children. Now this is a long term project I know. But it needs to be a conscious one. And that is my point of mentioning here.

Children is our or children are the ultimate project that can come out of a marriage.

Indeed, for Muslims, nothing is beyond a Muslim child.

And therefore we are to plan for this child well in advance of their bath.

Rather than seeing the child as something that has come about because that's what happens in marriages. It's just the done thing. That's what people do, let alone an accident that we then try to patch up the holes with and just accommodate accordingly. No, the Muslim sees children as something he or she produces intentionally, consciously plan for your children.

What are the skills that are required for your child to navigate his way her way through the landscape of the 21st century?

What do you need to learn as a Muslim man as a Muslim woman to produce a righteous child? How are you going to upskill them?

These are questions you have to ask yourself well in advance now who are the friends I need to make? Who are their friends I need to cut off? What are the books I need to read?

Who are what are the masajid I need to visit more often what are the courses I need to subscribe to.

That is how the project of a child is approached. You may say to me, a child is a long term project. I also need short term solutions to bring me and my wife me and my husband together. I suggest you a few others.

A good idea is a weekly drive to a message it with yourself and your wife to attend a lecture of your choice that benefits you and her even if that message has to be a few miles out of the way. And even if you have children find someone in law or their likes to take them for a few hours return the favor if you need to. But do it. This is an investment. I mean I remember one of our brothers.

He said that one of the finest periods of my marital life was when we used to do just that.

We picked a masjid. Here in Wales, we used to visit it every week. We'd attend the lecture. And we put the children with our parents just for those few hours.

And we both be taking notes. And then we leave the mosque we'd go to a restaurant we'd eat together. We'd exchange notes, we talk about it. And then we drive home. He said our Eman was at his highest. That's a really good example of what you can do to bring his name into your relationship, a weekly commitment a few hours.

Number three, create a reading club between yourself and your wife yourself and your husband.

A reading club. So nominate a few books, Islamic books, some beneficial non Islamic books as well. Say one one book a month.

Right and plan a reading list for the whole year. Share it with your friends, get ideas from your friends, share it with one another recommended reads. And you and your wife you read together or separately it doesn't matter

and a lot of

husbands and wives, they complain that there's not a lot of, there's not a lot of talk between me and my wife. They complain that we don't have things to speak about, well, when you've edible, all of a sudden, there is a lot of conversation fodder to support you. And so whether you're just milling around the house, you're walking through the aisles of a supermarket, whether you're picking up children from school, whether you're resting in the evening, you're talking about something you read, you're sharing ideas that opens networks or pathways to communication that is dangerously absent in so many relationships. Create a reading club between you and your wife.

Number four, there should be mutual Salah between yourself and your spouse, even if it is just two units in the night before you go to sleep after Salah Tada

and that is why Abu Dawood narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Rahim Allah Who Raju Lang comm Amina Layli, for Salah, what are you calling a Murata? Who's in here that are happy what Jihad man? May Allah have mercy upon a man who wakes up at night to pray? And then he wakes up his wife and if she refuses He sprinkles water in her face? And then he says the opposite what Rahim Allah homoerotic cannot mean allele for silent. Why are that Xiao Jia, Hatha, in who are about another Hartsfield, much heat map. And may Allah have mercy upon a woman who gets up at night to pray and then she wakes up her husband and if he refuses, she

sprinkles water in his face.

He says May Allah have mercy upon him.

And a lot of spouses complain of a lack of mercy. in that relationship. They say not only is there no affection, there's no drama between us.

Well, here you have the prophets last and then making dua that Allah gives you an MA if you do this, it's a simple recipe.

Another example of bringing Islam into the relationship is to fast when with one another. More often than not, our sisters will have days of Ramadan to make up because of menstruation because of breastfeeding because of pregnancy.

So most will not complete the full month of Ramadan in fasting, and they will carry that all throughout the year.

So you as the leader of your household, my brothers suggest to your wife that we're going to fast together, let's dedicate a Monday, we're not going to say Mondays and Thursdays if that's too much of an ask. Every Monday, we're going to fast whether it's summer, whether it's winter,

we break our fast together because there is a joy. When you break your fast is there not? The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say at least saw me for Hatha Nia for whom there are two joys that the fasting person experiences. The first Happiness is when he breaks his best. And the second Happiness is when he shall meet his Lord, when you see the reward of your fasting.

So there is a joy when breaking your fast, why not enjoy that with your spouse.

It's an opportunity, it's a marriage investing opportunity, or an opportunity to invest in the growth of your marriage and so many people are missing out on.

That's another example.

Another example, is

to create a movie night between yourself and your spouse. And what I mean by that is to nominate certain beneficial documentaries, Islamic or otherwise,

and to gather around them.

Let's call it twice a week.

And another key way of bringing Islam into your relationship. And I will conclude with this

is to create a joint Islamic project between yourselves.

Henry Ford, he said that

coming together is the beginning.

Keeping together is

admirable.

But working together, that is success.

So success is in working together. Because when you talk about a project, a project is something that represents your deepest desires. A project speaks about your aspirations, your interests.

And so it's such a shame when you feel that you're only able to speak about that to your friend to your Sheikh to your mentor, but not your spouse, that is a wasted opportunity.

And by saying that, I'm not suggesting that you need to have the exact same Islamic project in mind. You don't have to be completely aligned in what you both want to do. So you have the famous example of Sheikh Abdul Rahman Smith and his his wife almost like they were perfectly aligned. They wanted to go to Africa and serve the poor and those in need. But that might not be the situation for you, you and I in our marriages. It doesn't matter that you both have the exact

Same Islamic project that you work towards, that defines the next 2030 years of your lives. What matters

is that you're able to speak about them, communicate about them, to respect each other's ideas of what you have in mind. And if there's an opportunity to jump on board, there's no harm.

In that idea,

that Islamic project could be, for example, a target where you set for yourselves two years, and we will both have memorized the Quran.

That target could be one year, and we're both going to have an ijazah in the RE citation of the Quran, we will recite it in a prophetically proficient way.

That project could be a dour office forward slash cafe that you open up in one of the Cardiff high streets or your locality between you and your spouse, we're going to do it, say a five year plan.

That project could be five young individuals from the community who have high aspirations so you both decide to sponsor them with your wealth to send them abroad or locally to improve their Islamic education and serve the community five year project.

Your project could be to set up a tweet Quran Institute in the locality, there are so many ideas.

But the idea is that you start thinking about this, to bring a project into your relationship.

Now having said all of this brothers and sisters,

I am not suggesting for one moment

that you need to cast aside recreational fun activities with your spouse. We're talking about Darwin who either very well Taqwa cooperate upon piety and righteousness, it doesn't mean that you need to overlook the importance of having recreational companionship. Because when you do things together recreationally that will then support your Islamic coming together.

And our Prophet sallallahu Annie, who was sending Yes, he worshiped Allah with his wife, I Isha and his other wives, but he also raised without your shirt. And she defeated him once in a race and he told the companions to move away, give us space, we want to race and they ran. And she, she defeated him then later on in life, when our mother put on some weight. And he said to her, I give you a second race, and they raced, and he defeated her. And he said to her, we're now equal. Yeah, one one.

So when you do that, that supports your Islamic Cooperation. They're not to be seen as two separate things. Recreational companionship is dangerously missing from a lot of relationships. And it's one of the greatest love needs of a human being. And it's one of the best divorce proofing strategies that you can bring into your relationship, recreational companionship.

And so many spouses, they stray from their marriages, because they're attracted to somebody else, who shares with them their interests and their hobbies.

So when you share each other's recreational interests, and you do things together, you're protecting your affection and you're protecting her affection from looking for attention from somebody else.

So what have you covered this evening?

We looked at the first principle, which was what for in our if you're silent? I mean, who am I with the shower the importance of joint conversation or consultation between one another.

And the second principle was cooperate upon righteousness and piety and do not cooperate upon sin and transgression. We spoke about five of the benefits the paybacks that you can expect in dunya and the hereafter by applying that IE bringing Islam into the relationship, and I gave you about seven or eight suggestions about to how that can be achieved.

We ask Allah subhana wa Donna to give us success and to forgive our sins and to place peace and Sakina and tranquility upon our relationships. So the Lord and Amina Mohammed would humbly now