This is Love – Hadith #31 Marriage and love

Ali Albarghouthi

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Smilla hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah who had an early he was so happy he was salam

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ala Malema my info no and Bhima. Lampton I was in Iman or Abdullah Al Amin, Allah my in Allah the creek our Shoukry Cava Hosni Mubarak.

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A My bad.

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So this is Hadith number 31.

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And if you were to look at the book in fact, you will find that this hadith is the longest Hadith. Terms of explanation. This is the longest chapter in the book, Teddy 31 is the longest chapter in the book and it's about marriage and love.

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And inshallah you'll understand as we go through it, and as we explain it, why it had to be at that

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position in the book.

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Because we needed to understand

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Allah's love and the love of the messenger Ali's salatu salam and what it means to love for Allah sake to be able to handle this topic appropriately.

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So though it comes at the last, let's say, third or quarter of the book.

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It's nonetheless very important, and that's why it deserves that much attention in the book. So Inshallah, what we're going to try to do is split it into two. So part one today and part two insha. Allah will be next week.

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And the Hadith for this chapter is very short.

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The Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. He said, Allah Muira little Moutere have Baney Miss Liu Nika.

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Let me your ordeal muda her Baney Miss La Nika. He said, There is nothing like marriage for for two who love each other.

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There is nothing like marriage for to whore in love. He said la salatu salam, there's nothing like marriage

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for them.

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So, of course, we're going to explain this. But we have to kind of backtrack a little bit. To understand marriage as a whole to understand love, romantic love and all of that within the context of everything that we talked about so far. Right?

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And insha Allah more and more of what we need to say becomes then evident based on that explanation. So first of all, let's affirm that attraction to the other sex. Men are attracted to women, men are attracted

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to women, woman to men,

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that is natural. It's an instinct, it's in us

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and that is nothing that you can escape and Allah azza wa jal wanted it as so.

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And there are benefits with that and there are challenges with it. So to affirm that it is something that is within within us, part of our nature part of our DNA Allah azza wa jal said, zoo unity Nursey Hill Boucher Hawa T Mina Nisa.

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He says it was made beautiful.

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The desires that people have was made beautiful it was beautiful to them. And then when he listed subhanho wa taala. These desires that we have naturally that were beautified in our eyes, he began with women.

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Zhu Yi and Ali Nasir Naseeha Boucher who had the love or attraction to what you desire had been beautified to people.

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What is the first thing that he listed subhanaw taala he says Aneesa.

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And that indicates the intensity of that attraction and the intensity of that beautiful beautification. So when men look at women, that is the greatest attraction that they have more than the attraction more intense than the attraction of gold and silver

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and money and wealth and fame and all of that. So this is something that is within us.

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And Allah azza wa jal put that for a reason, it has benefits.

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And if you think about it, other than you know what you feel towards the other sex but it has benefits Allah Who wants something from it. So what is Allah azza wa jal want from it is supposed to fulfill something within us supposed to lead us somewhere. So the first thing and that is the most obvious thing is procreation.

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If there is no attraction between the sexes, they will not multiply they will not procreate, and Allah azza wa jal wants people to have children. So how does he drive them to have children? He attracts them to each other? Right? That's obvious, otherwise, people will not have children. So that's the first set

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Second is that that attraction brings people closer to each other which gives them companionship. So we are social beings, we need to talk to other people, we need to hear their voices, we need also to be heard. When we are in distress, we're angry or sad, whatever emotions we are going through, we are happy, we'd like to share that with somebody. If we don't have somebody beside us, we grow weaker and isolated. So you must have companionship. So we have friends, we have family, but there is nothing closer than a spouse.

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physically, spiritually, psychologically, there is nothing closer than a spouse. So Allah azza wa jal gives you a companion, that is always there with you to help you and aid you and protect you and guide you to be your confidant, all of that

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is also

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we need to care for others, and we need to receive their love. That attraction

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provides that. So you understand these two are not identical, you need to receive love. But also you have that an implant in you that you need to care for someone, you have to care for someone, and then you have to receive love as well.

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And

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there's also building families that build communities.

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So think about it. How do communities start? How do they develop? What is the building block,

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if you don't have a family, and you're only talking about individuals, it's a very fragmented Union. But a family comes together. And when they have children, and the children have children, it grows. And two families get united. And then multiple families get united and you have what a small community and communities get connected. And now you have a nation, you have a society, you have an ummah, but the building block of any society and the building block of any nation goes back to what not the individual but to

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the family.

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And that's why when the family breaks society as as a whole is in danger, right, because the unit that builds it, that maintains it is gone. And you can't have a healthy society without a family. And that again, how's that created through that attraction that Allah has talked about? So if you don't have a family, and those are the challenges that we will discuss, if the family is suffering, the family is absent, the family is as corrupt is lacking. Then you have a diseased society, a desire, a society that is suffering.

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Now, challenges, challenges of that desire. So we said it's all in us. So we desire men desire, woman, woman desire men, we said there's a challenge associated with all of this. So an attraction could be an attraction to Halal but it also could be attraction to haram and if it's attraction to haram, it leads to what?

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Xena fornication and adultery. So what happens? What are the consequences of Xena?

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So there is the spread of disease.

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And there's a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu ala you it was sent him that said that if Xena spreads among a population, Allah will sin upon them

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diseases

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contagious diseases that were not in their predecessors new diseases. And that is something that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam had said in a sound Hadees. So the more that you have that promiscuous behavior, the more that you could expect of diseases that descend upon the nation or the globe of the globe accepts that behavior, more illness, more disease, more contagious illnesses. So that's one

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second dissolution of the family. Because if there is Zina of people are satisfied with Zina, will they get married?

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No.

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And if a person commits a Zina while they are married, what does that lead to? The family breaks and if the family breaks, what happens? You destroy the other person. Because of that infidelity. You destroy the other person and you destroy the children as well. So at least to hatred and bitterness, anger, resentment, and people are less inclined to marry less inclined to have children, the entire society suffers because of that promiscuous behavior. And if people divorce because of it, again, the spread of bitterness and the children will be lost. There are emotional problems and psychological problems and the breakup of society altogether if they resent

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So all of this is to say what if you don't control your desire, it leads to a destruction in society. it devolves

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How do you control that desire

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that you have? How do you manage it? Because we said it's an all of us. So how do you have manage the desire towards the other sex?

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is through what halal and that Halal is what marriage has to be marriage.

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So the family is the fortress

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that protects society and protects every individual, male or female and protects the children as well. So one of the aims of the shaytaan

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Oh, and before we get into that, because this idea is really important

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is where Allah azza wa jal said again here to indicate it's included in some of the benefits that a spouse is a companion that provides the following this is what Allah azza wa jal said women AR T and Haleakala coming and fusi come as well as elitist cuando la hoja, Albania como with the dorama. It says an of his signs meaning if you were to look at the universe and see signs of Allah's existence, Allah's wisdom and Allah's power, if you look at the family and the attraction between male and female, Allah says enough of His Signs is that he had created for you from your cells, spouses, so that you would find serenity and peace with them. And he created between you affection and mercy.

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And that is really important because we're going to come back to it to understand what Allah azza wa jal has for us and promised us through the family and through marriage. We just understand that it is from Allah sign that this union between male and female that produces serenity and affection and mercy, all of this when you look at it, it leads you to Allah azza wa jal to his wisdom and to his power when you study it, especially and study its elements, but we're going to come back to this idea, because we need it to understand the favor of Allah azza wa jal. Now,

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when we said that the family is the fortress against the plots of the shaytaan.

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There's a hadith that supports this on page 320.

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And this hadith, which is reported by Muslim

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Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam said in the IB, Lisa, the ASHA who Alain Ma is please the shaytaan establishes His throne on water for my Abathur Saraya. Then he sends his units and these units intend to what spread corruption. misguide people lead them to sin. Qualified no human human zealots and Obama whom fitna, the one who causes the greatest fitna will be the one who will be closest to him. So he's like a commander of an army sending units and say, destroy as much as you can and come back and report to me and you'll be closest to me if you destroy the most that's the corruption that he is reading. Hall if he were huddling for your cooler fall together our cafe or Hulu Mossad

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attache, so one of them would come and say I did this and I did that. I said you didn't do a thing.

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For me, I do what I had to home then one would come and say Murdoch, to Hatter for Rocco begginer, who have a number it.

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He said, He did not let go of him until I've separated between him and his wife, called a food near him. And he brings him close to him, while you're called Luna, and you've done well, while Tassimo and he hugs him.

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So understand here that he believes understands the impact of that dissolution.

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If you can separate them, you've done the greatest harm. Because how many people are you harming when you convince him or converts her to divorce, to break up the family, one to know not only the man not only the woman, but all the children and the extended family as well that is involved in that marriage. You spread bitterness and hatred, distrust.

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And this and this man and this woman will continue to attack each other, hate each other. And the children will inherit that trauma and that hate from them. You really literally breaking society. And if you taught one to talk about drugs and alcoholism, about problems between men and women hating each other about all of that it comes from this.

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So he understands it very well.

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So his main objective is Let's break the family and the helpers of the shaytaan will do exactly the work of the shaytaan trying to break up the family. One of the Hadith that helps us understand this as well. The Prophet sallallahu sallam said no Bureau can be here he come, he said to the Sahaba Shall I tell you about the best among you? They said oh yes oh messenger of Allah. Ha

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Levina either Oh, look here Allah. It says the ones that when you see you remember Allah.

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I want you to think about that as well even though we're not going to have time to explain it. How appearances matter how behavior matters. They don't know what is it in your heart or in their heart, but Alladhina either rule that when you are seen, Allah's remembered, he says that those are your best.

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Shall I not tell you about your worst he said also la Salatu was Salam he said he they said yes, Allah al Masha owner, Bin Amina, he said, those who spread secrets to cause enmity, right they expose people secrets he said this about you he said that about you.

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I'll move Sedona banal Haber, the ones who seek to bring the ones who separate between loved ones, elbow Hunedoara, Alana, the ones who want difficulty and sin for the innocent.

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So he says that's what they are doing. And that makes them the worst. So they corrupt between people by spreading secrets or things that they've heard. And those who love each other, they want to break up that love. And they want to accuse the innocence of this and that. So here he is saying Allah is Salatu was Salam, anyone who wants to break love, right between people, and primarily right that should be between male and female in a marriage, but any though or two who love each other, you want to break up that love, he says they are the worst. See, Think about it. Those who want to break up the family will be the worst in the eyes of Allah azza wa jal.

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Now,

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we said about the desire that we have towards the other

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sex, we said that is physical, but it's not really only physical.

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We say it's a physical need, but also it leads you to an emotional completeness

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and emotional fulfillment.

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intimate relations of not just about the body, when to when a man and a woman are intimate is not just simply about their bodies, right? It's also about their emotions and about their psychology. So they tend to complete each other, fulfill each other, assist each other.

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And

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when you think of the idea that we talked about,

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that Allah azza wa jal

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when he said that he created mates for your, for each other spouses, for you from your own cells, that you would find serenity, and peace with liters Kuno.

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So the image there that you can think about is a person who lacks peace and serenity is always in is restless.

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One who has not yet to have found this, that meet that spouse that marriage, male or female, they're restless, they're looking right

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it's like a ship right? It's sailing and it hasn't docked yet is shaped sailing and it's looking for a harbor looking for a place to dock not here, not here, not here. But it wants to dock wants to stay.

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wants to settle. There when you find the right person and you settle that when you find Sakina that's the home that serenity. When you like that you continue to look. So you like serenity and you like peace. So this is the Lord Allah azza wa jal is talking about

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a person who pursues Zina

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prospers, only the physical side, the physical desire, there will be no peace in it. Because when you commit Zina is attractive only because it's what? Forbidden and not permanent. So in the mind of the person who commit Zina, I do it and then I stop. I do it and I detach. Is there any peace in that? Any serenity in it, any comfort in it? No, it's actually very damaging for this person and damaging for that person, because he come very close to this person. And he cannot but help to be emotionally attached, he could that close.

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And then when you decide that you're no longer interested in them, you damage them and you damage yourself.

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psychologically, emotionally, you do.

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And there is a parable that I've mentioned in the book and I've heard a while back, and it's about the strength of an adhesive tape that keeps being used and reused.

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So a fresh new adhesive tape, fresh new glue, when it attaches first to a surface. It's attachment is the strongest or the weakest,

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the strongest, because I've asked new

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You rip it, right, take it away. And it leaves part of that group that glue on that surface and it picks up part of that surface on it. And the glue is somewhat consumed, right? Put it on another surface is it as strong, it may adhere still, it's not as strong, rip it out again,

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keep repeating this, what happens ultimately,

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the glue goes away.

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And that tape is filled with residue.

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And it doesn't stick anymore.

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So the person who commits Zina for the first time, let's say, their adherence to that person is the strongest, you repeat it out. And they leave with some emotional damage. And they leave the person with some emotional damage. And there will be issues of mistrust, betrayal, feeling used, there is shame, there is regret all of that. You keep doing this. And you will trust less and less, you will love less and less, you will be more and more bitter, more and more cynical. And if you want to attach to someone that attachment will be weak, because you have a history of people who have betrayed you who are very close and they turn their back on you who used you and abused you and then

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forgot about you.

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So you don't feel confident

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being with anyone and you can trust

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and that is one of the problem of Xena in addition to an immense lack of Baraka.

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So one thing that

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marriage gives is a baraka from Allah subhanho wa taala. But Xena likes it and we will mention that inshallah again. So marriage and nevertheless the thing that we talked about here, marriage and love.

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Marriage is both emotional and psychological. And there's that serenity and restlessness that we talked about marriage gives serenity and combats restlessness, and it also gives you

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the best, potentially the best companionship

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and the love that is given by Allah subhanho wa taala.

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So

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when Allah said in that Aya

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was your alibi in a coma with data Rama, he created between you affection and mercy?

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Who created that?

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Allah has origin right?

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Can you create love?

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You think about it, can you create love?

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You can try to pursue the means for its existence, that you could try to be nice to someone.

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But does that guarantee love?

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No.

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Who is the one who creates love in a person's heart?

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Allah azza wa jal only, you can pursue the means you can create the means that may lead to it but love, affection, liking someone. That is what that's the domain of the heart and the hearts are with Allah azza wa jal. So when Allah said and he created love and affection between you, he created love and mercy between you. It means that if a couple they want to love each other, and they you seek love for each other, they have to seek it from Allah subhanho wa taala. So if Allah blesses their union, there could be love. And if they bring the shaytaan into the Union, whatever that union may, or may be called, whether it's Zina or anything else, if in that union, Allah is not pleased. You

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can expect love in that union. Because it's Allah Azza de Loup gives it you can expect serenity, you can expect mercy. But if that unit is pleasing to Allah subhanho wa taala, then you can expect that Allah zoldan will create love and will create

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peace in it.

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And if people are in love, right?

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Marriage is the best medicine, not any other form of illicit affairs, marriage, for that desire that you have for someone to be with someone not to be alone. Marriage is the best medicine

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and

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ignore him.

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He has something to say

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to that on page 323. He said Rahim Allah. There were also had been a few KML we saw the lady Abba Allahu subhanho wa Taala he says the medicine for lovers. He says in the full physical contact which ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala had made permissible

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he's he's so he's looking at it as there is this need the fulfilled for

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myth of it is the physical permissible contact that Allah azza wa jal has allowed, because he says every illness, every disease has a cure to it. And Allah azza wa jal has created that the medicine for the desire that people have the love that they have for each other the physical attraction, he says, That's marriage. So he says women are the two that will be matura. Hula was the analogy he will cut that Bobby Sada Shiva, he says if you pursue a minute medicine, based on what Allah has decreed, and you seek Allah's assistance, and you follow the right way to reach it, you will read will receive the cure from Allah subhanaw taala, meaning that full satisfaction, but if you pursue a

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medicine, pursue a treatment that Allah has Zoda did not legislate, and maybe Allah Azza will test you because you're running after it. By making it available physically. He says, You're not going to be able to treat yourself and you're not going to be able to satisfy that desire. And that is he said, How Allah has how the Prophet alayhi salatu salam said, Let me or I will move to have been in with unica, which is the Hadith of the chapter. There's nothing like marriage for those who love each other. It says because if two souls and two bodies they meet in the halal with Allah Azza Robles that for them, if they meet in the Haram, there could be no blessing. There could be no

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satisfaction. Yeah, some physical momentary satisfaction, but it has to be followed with a lot of regret and shame and resentment and anger, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And the he said,

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will control Muslim and fucile haze as it was reported by Muslim in his Sahaba that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he once saw a woman, right inadvertence in accidentally inadvertently saw a woman, Halifax Xena, Bertha haba hija. So he says he went to his wife as a number of the Allahu anha. And he fulfilled his desire

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to see what that you could see someone missed the end mistakenly, right? And that could make you desire, woman or desire if a female sees men desire men, how do you satisfy that? That becomes what like an illness or like a need.

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Something's missing? Where do you go for that? So he said, the action of the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. He is by mistake, he saw a woman who understand that what they wish she was attractive. What did you do with that LA salatu salam.

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So he went to his wife, and he fulfilled his desire, and that was the end of it. That's the medicine. Right? And the thing that is striking when you think about this is how transparent the Prophet alayhi salatu salam was just to teach the ummah.

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Right, because this was very open.

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And how many people today are willing to admit this?

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I was just leaving this place. I saw a woman I immediately was attracted to her. Who would admit this? And what would people think of him if he admits that?

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Right? Oh, you were just leaving the message. You saw a woman you got that? Got you.

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tracted now you have a desire. Subhanallah what kind of person is he? Right?

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But is that bad or natural? It's natural. Right? But the Prophet salallahu Salam did admit this, and do that. So that was so that whenever you feel that you know what to do. Right?

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And everybody feels this.

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Right? Alright. At least I can speak on behalf of men. At least I'm allowed to do this right now 90% Not 95% 100% of men would go through this. So then what do you do?

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So there's should be a path to the halal and even Okay, and Rahim Allah is saying what the best path is the path that Allah azza wa jal had legislated anything else will not satisfy you.

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So

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Haram is not a cure. And we're emphasizing this because we want to close all the doors to the haram. Haram is never going to be satisfying, is going to create more problems than the problem that you're trying to solve. You say, Okay, at least let me just sleep with this person. And I'll be done with it. Sleep with that person that I don't have to be responsible for my actions later. Whenever you commit that act, that act is not gone with Allah xojo. And the shaytaan knows an access to your heart into your body. And you've weakened your iman and weaken another person's Eman. You've spread corruption on this earth.

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And you weakened especially if you love that person. A lot of people do commit that act because they feel that I'm really in love with that.

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When you commit that Zina you weaken the love that you have for that person. Because we said love can also be called

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Aveda can only grow if Allah nurtures that love and protects it. But if you invite the shaitan into your relationship if you commit to haram, what happens to that love? It must die because you remember that had either we just mentioned the shaytaan will send other Shayateen to destroy love. So if you love so unsold, and you want to destroy the love that you have for them, do whatever you want with them. Sooner or later you're going to hate them and they will hate you.

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You want to preserve and protect that love, then stay away from the Haram

00:30:36--> 00:31:02

is that clear? Stay away from the Haram then that love could stay. And if you pursue it Allah azza wa jal had ordained has legislated not only will that love be protected, it will grow and become stronger. So it's within your hands. what path do you want to pursue? And just again to confirm that love is in the hands of Allah azza wa jal and if it's established, no one can shake it and no one can break it.

00:31:03--> 00:31:08

Allah azza wa jal tells us Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. He says, and this is on page three to four.

00:31:09--> 00:31:10

All right.

00:31:11--> 00:31:43

He says who under the ADA be Nasri He will build meaning. He's always reminding the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam of favors. He is the one who supported you with his victory and he supported you with the believers. Were Aletheia bein up Kulu be him and he brought their hearts together and listen to this. And you may have read this before. No one factor mirfield Already Domi I met a lift of a Nakuru be him well I can Allah Allah be no worry you to spend everything on earth. You would not be able to bring their hearts together but Allah did it.

00:31:45--> 00:31:51

Meaning he made them love each other despite past tension and hatred.

00:31:53--> 00:32:08

Yet Allah azza wa jal said what I brought them together. And if you were to spend everything on Earth, meaning all the Earth's resources you were to employ them, psychology, sociology, money, enticements, bribes,

00:32:09--> 00:32:49

tricks, everything. So you will not be able to establish what Allah had established, you will not be able to help them love each other. So the love that Allah azza wa jal builds, no one can break. But if you want to break it, there's an easy way to break it which is what stay away from Allah azza wa jal and obey the shaytaan then that love will break and that by the way, that applies to every love that we have in our lives, children and their parents, a spouse, neighbors, family, any love and we're going to see more of that in the next Hadith which is not next week, but the week after in sha Allah. But that is the way to preserve love. So

00:32:51--> 00:33:04

if we want to be blessed by Allah subhanho wa Taala we shouldn't complicate the halal. We shouldn't mark the halal or we shouldn't make the Haram easy, and in the world today.

00:33:05--> 00:33:09

Haram is easy. And Halal is complicated and difficult.

00:33:10--> 00:33:27

But those who love Allah and they fear Allah subhanho wa Taala and they want the best for themselves and the best for their children and the best for the community and all Muslims. You do not first of all make the Haram easy by complicating the halal. So you make marriage very difficult.

00:33:29--> 00:33:37

And when you do this on your block that the Haram becomes easier and easier and more enticing because if I can Can I get it this way? At least I'll get it that way.

00:33:39--> 00:34:12

And definitely don't mock the halal which includes not mocking marriage or belittling marriage not mocking men if you're a female don't mocking females into if you're male, enhance entice push people towards what Allah azza wa jal loves. Because if you don't, the path and the doors of Haram are wide open, and it's not just one or two. Once you enter one, other doors will start opening and you will devolve into practices that you would not have thought you would ever commit them. But you're going to commit them because you pursued the haram.

00:34:14--> 00:34:17

Haram is not exciting.

00:34:18--> 00:34:22

Right? It seems exciting and interesting. Right?

00:34:23--> 00:34:24

Just before you do it.

00:34:25--> 00:34:40

But once you commit that act, as long as a person has a living heart, you feel what ashamed of yourself, which is unlike the halal relationship, you feel ashamed of yourself. You feel that you have been beaten,

00:34:41--> 00:34:49

defeated. You feel disgusted because that other person reminds you of your weakness reminds you of your shame.

00:34:51--> 00:35:00

So you want to be a far away from them. You wouldn't look at that person when you commit the Haram or anything related to it. You wouldn't think of that person as a wholesome person.

00:35:00--> 00:35:28

her son, as a person that you really want to be with, she cannot be the mother of your children, he cannot be the father of your children. Because a person who does this cannot be trusted. And even if you repent and repentance is always there, even if you repent, and you have to think about that, even if you repent, the shaitaan will always come and say, but you know what she did, and you know what he did before? Maybe he can do that again. And once you open that you can close it. So it's not that attractive.

00:35:29--> 00:35:34

Son attractive to be cheated on. Right? It's not attractive to be betrayed.

00:35:35--> 00:36:08

And when you commit Zina, right, you betrayed you have to betray someone, you betray someone's wife, someone's husband, someone's daughter, someone's son, you betray people. So it's not really fun. It's not it's not. It's gets advertised in the advertising as well. So it's a good advertisement. But there is no substance to it. So it's not exciting. And whatever you're trying to solve through that haram, you end up creating a bigger problem. You have to believe that right? You have to believe that about what Allah Allah azza wa jal has commanded and for bait,

00:36:09--> 00:36:23

you pursue the halal you're about to reach a satisfying conclusion. You want to reach the to the Haram that is going to destroy you. Not only that satisfy you but destroy you and destroy you in a inside on the outside.

00:36:24--> 00:36:25

So

00:36:26--> 00:36:27

the love of Allah azza wa jal

00:36:29--> 00:36:36

has to be because that's why we talked about the love of Allah before the love of Allah has to be present.

00:36:38--> 00:36:42

To be able to compete with our desires. I want to do this

00:36:43--> 00:36:50

urgently so strongly, but what is the thing that's going to stop me? I have to love Allah azza wa jal more.

00:36:51--> 00:36:53

I have to fear him more

00:36:54--> 00:37:33

than I want that thing and only then would you be able to stay away from that haram. But if a person sort of surrenders to his desire or her desire, whenever they feel they do, and the love of Allah is weak, it's pointless to talk about staying away from the Haram kiss now possible. The Haram is so easy, so alluring, and the love of Allah is so weak, whenever you're invited to do the Haram, you'll do it. So we have to increase Allah's love. Be very close to him, believe that we're going to meet him. And that's the only thing that can compete well with our physical desires. And then of course seeking the halal

00:37:36--> 00:37:39

and the prophets Allah Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam, right?

00:37:41--> 00:38:03

He said, again in the famous Hadith tumko Homura Toliara in Lima Alia what he has to be heavily Jamali. howdini have fought for be that it Dini Teddy batea duck this hadith is on page 325 to 326. He said that a woman is married for four things for her wealth, her lineage for beauty, and her piety. So indeed do select the pious.

00:38:05--> 00:38:47

So here the Prophet salallahu Salam is listing what the reasons why people get married, like if you want to marry What do you look for? What are you seeking, says this is what people seek, typically, they're looking for a moment's wealth, maybe that is an objective. And today, it may not be wealth as much as profession, what does she do? How much does she earn? I want the a working professional woman, right? So that could be one objective has to be her lineage. She should come from a particular family or she say a particular ethnicity, right? That's something that people see. Jamali hair beauty, I want it to look like this a particular skin color a particular height a particular

00:38:47--> 00:38:50

this and that conditions that people have.

00:38:51--> 00:39:06

And the final thing and her piety how religious she is. So the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam is saying what Sikh, the religious one Okay, adhere to that teddy bear tidak that is an an expression for emphasis.

00:39:08--> 00:39:29

Now if you want to understand this hadith properly, it doesn't mean that only consider the religious and no other consideration No, but make piety the primary consideration, the primary criterion and then when you have this, add to it, other things that you're interested in, but the main one is what

00:39:31--> 00:39:34

has to be piety. So

00:39:35--> 00:39:59

in the explanation of the Hadith, it said and this this on page 326, he says, Lisa said, you're on Andrea till Jamali Bell who was a drone and indica highly edited Jamel Hill Malema Alpha DVD. He said this is not a condemnation of seeking beauty. Right. It's not a condemnation of seeking beauty, but it is a condemnation of seeking beauty exclusively while at

00:40:00--> 00:40:07

person is in pious. Right? That is, if you're a person who's only interested in beauty

00:40:09--> 00:40:14

and not so much in religion, when you see this beautiful woman, what would you do?

00:40:15--> 00:40:15

You marry her.

00:40:16--> 00:40:22

Because she's so beautiful. That's the first consideration, regardless of how religious she was.

00:40:23--> 00:40:37

So that will be dominant. Or if you're looking for someone from a particular for instance, fulfill certain conditions, I want her to be a wealthy woman. And that's the most important thing that you have if you find that wealthy woman or I want him to be a doctor.

00:40:39--> 00:40:54

That's that's the main thing. I want him to be a doctor how religious it doesn't matter. We can work on that later. So when you find him, you'll take him regardless of how religious or irreligious he is. So the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam is saying what no, you have to seek the religious

00:40:55--> 00:41:14

and then once you find her to be religious or find him to be religious, if you want to add other things to it, then you add, but at least you have what the foundation of them being religious. So don't discount or piety in favor of other things. You can discount the other things in favor of her piety.

00:41:15--> 00:41:22

If you are willing to and there is an AI in Quran which I did not include him include here.

00:41:23--> 00:41:28

The Allah has noted he says Allah Tunki what a thank you Paul. Mashallah. Karate Hatter, you mean?

00:41:29--> 00:41:46

Well, a minute on hydro machinery Kathy Willow addcom. It says do not marry the polytheist woman until they have Iman. And he says an unbelieving slave woman is better than a polytheist woman even if you admire the latter,

00:41:48--> 00:41:49

even if you were to admire the latter.

00:41:51--> 00:42:22

So I want you to think about this. A polytheist woman the man admires and by the way, the ayah continues what a tongue keyhole mashallah Kena had you amino do not accept marriage proposals from the polytheist men until they believe while the abdomen Cairo Mushnik a Walo, Algebra calm and a believing slave man is better than a polytheist. Man, even if you admire the ladder. So I want you to think about this. Okay? You see a woman she that she's a polytheist? You admire her?

00:42:24--> 00:42:47

By her in terms of what she's well spoken. Position, profession, beauty lineage, this, this this? That's what she is very attractive, in worldly terms very attractive, then a slave woman? What do you expect the slave woman to be like? And I know it's hard for us right to imagine but terms of education that is shared well educated.

00:42:48--> 00:42:51

Yeah. No, in terms of wealth,

00:42:52--> 00:42:53

does she have money?

00:42:55--> 00:42:57

No lineage,

00:42:58--> 00:43:00

anything to seek there? What does she have?

00:43:02--> 00:43:13

What's the only thing that she has? Religion. That's it. And she's asleep. somebody owns her. And she Allah is saying what she's better than that woman.

00:43:14--> 00:43:23

And a slave believing man is better than the polytheist man that you admire. Or to tell you that this is how you're supposed to choose.

00:43:24--> 00:43:40

Now, it doesn't mean like, even if I am not attracted to her, I should marry her just because say that really depends on you. And what you consider to be beautiful. Beauty is a consideration because there has to be some physical attraction, right?

00:43:42--> 00:43:48

If not, how will you stay married to her? How will you be attracted to her? And that is subjective.

00:43:49--> 00:44:25

But the primary one is religion. And just again, to insert to assert that you're supposed to have to be have some level of attraction, the more we got a blue shirt. They said they came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And he said, I want to marry someone or you know, be engaged to her. So the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam he said go and look at her because that is more likely to bring greater agreement between the two of you for you know who a Hara our agenda. Are you with them? Are they in a coma? It says I want to marry so and so or go propose it says but make sure that you see her

00:44:26--> 00:44:55

is more likely than if you see her and she sees you that there will be agreement between you so that is a sunnah of the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam look at her because if you are attracted they're more likely that you will continue to be married with her in addition to the all the other things that we talked about and interesting if anyone who who you know likes Arabic language use them abena Kuma what do we call if we have bread, right? And we dip it in something right? Just like oil or whatever. What do we call it? Edom,

00:44:56--> 00:44:59

Edom because it fixes the bread

00:45:00--> 00:45:27

If you just eat bread alone, right, it's just bread. But if you dip it in something, and you eat it, that's called a damn because it fixes it. So Allah will fix but it's between you reconcile you bring you closer together, because there is what agreement, physical agreement, in addition to the other spiritual psychological agreement. Now, something that I did not think about before, but I thought about just recently.

00:45:28--> 00:45:56

So when the Prophet sallahu wa salam said, You're going to marry a woman because of this, or this or this or that? Now, you know what beauty is? Right? Each one knows what is beautiful to him, and her, so that's fine. You know what wealth is? This is like an objective way of looking at it. She's wealthy or not. lineage, you understand? What is a good lineage? And what is just an average lineage? What is a religious person?

00:45:59--> 00:46:00

What is a religious person?

00:46:02--> 00:46:09

is sometimes the Choccy, when you say, oh, so and so and so is religious. Then when you hear the detail is here, how is that religious?

00:46:11--> 00:46:43

Right? How is how did you define him as religious? So of course, it's a scale that goes, you know, from a minimum to a maximum, and maybe the maximum has no end to it, really. But what is the minimum that you could look at someone and you say, Now, that is the definition of a religious person, not relative to everybody else? Who is not religious? So when you look at him, you say, well, at least he's doing this and that makes him religious? No, what is that to Dean? The female who has religion or the male who has religion, what is this? So what are they have to fulfill to be called religious?

00:46:44--> 00:46:49

In terms of the obligations, they have to do? The obligations? Right.

00:46:51--> 00:46:54

Now, if he told me he prays sometimes, if not all the time, but that's religious.

00:46:57--> 00:47:07

I, if you consider compared to someone who doesn't pray at all, yeah, he is an angel. But that's not the definition of Islam. What is religious?

00:47:08--> 00:47:10

five daily prayers?

00:47:11--> 00:47:13

He fasts Ramadan, right, all the

00:47:15--> 00:47:20

pillars and the obligations? He does? How about the major sins?

00:47:22--> 00:47:58

He should stay away from them. Someone who's committing a major sin, you told me he's religious. Does that make sense? That's not religious. That person would be called a facet. Right? Okay, a rebellious person. Now, maybe in the modern terms, right? He's a great person compared to all the others, and what's all the evil in the world? Maybe. But there's also an objective standard that we have. Okay, so he does all the obligations, and he stays away from all the major sins. So in terms of actions, he's good, is that enough?

00:48:00--> 00:48:01

For me, I would say no.

00:48:02--> 00:48:04

What does he understand about Islam?

00:48:05--> 00:48:08

Okay, what does he understand about Islam?

00:48:09--> 00:48:22

Is does he have the right understanding, basic understanding of Islam, about the Quran about the Sunnah about what is right about what is wrong about how to determine what is right, and how to determine what is wrong? Who does he listened to?

00:48:23--> 00:48:25

Okay, where does he learn from?

00:48:27--> 00:48:55

He does not have to be super religious, but the foundations have to be there. So he could has the correct practice and the correct understanding, and that person is religious and go ahead. Okay. And as you have conversations with them, when you're choosing you tell them you know, what are your Islamic activities, what do you like to do this this then you determine their religious observance, but it has to be two things practice and also understanding. So if somebody says For instance,

00:48:56--> 00:49:00

it because it just came to me today, it says, Okay.

00:49:02--> 00:49:08

I'm going to pray five times a day. But in terms of religious knowledge, I don't need the scholars.

00:49:10--> 00:49:12

I'll take directly from the Quran.

00:49:14--> 00:49:15

That is a religious person.

00:49:17--> 00:49:18

No,

00:49:19--> 00:49:57

he misunderstands what it means to learn misunderstands the role of the scholar and misunderstands his role in relation to how he's supposed to learn. So he's gonna make a ton of mistakes. You can marry that person and say, Well, I thought he was religious, that's not religion, right? So he needs to be educated. So I just wanted to really stress this, okay, before I forget, so that when you want to apply those standards, you understand the insha Allah how to apply them. And it doesn't mean that we are perfect, it just simply means that we need to aim higher because you're not marrying this person for today only is supposed to be for the rest of your life and you're supposed to grow

00:49:57--> 00:50:00

together. So do you have the foundations for that growth?

00:50:00--> 00:50:04

All thought you're gonna grow apart. Right? So you have to account for that. So

00:50:07--> 00:50:09

the Prophet alayhi salatu salam when he said it is

00:50:14--> 00:50:18

choose the one who is pious, he says, Why is that important?

00:50:19--> 00:50:31

And why? Why do we believe we should believe that that is important? Is that because if you don't have piety, you don't have a clock? No manners, right? You don't have manners.

00:50:32--> 00:50:46

And at least you have the foundations of people reminding you by the way, you're acting. inappropriately The Prophet said this, Allah said that the could be corrected. Even if you told me you know what, some religious people have the worst of manners

00:50:47--> 00:51:03

that makes them lacking in their religiosity. Yeah, so that's again, the prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam said in a hadith, Elijah commentaar Loana Dena, who were hollowcore, who was a widow, if somebody comes to you proposing to marry

00:51:05--> 00:51:10

from your family, and you're satisfied with his religion and his character.

00:51:12--> 00:51:15

So again, you also have to inspect character.

00:51:16--> 00:51:56

But at least we hope that someone who's religious understands that character is part of religion, how you behave with your spouse, with your children, with your parents, all of that is part of religion. They're not separate, that cannot just simply pray and abuse people. So, if the person does not have, taqwa does not have righteousness than their character will suffer. That's one, they will not fear Allah as though did and will not adhere to his guidance. And so when it comes to responsibilities towards his wife responsibilities towards her husband responsibilities towards the guests, kids, they're not going to honor these responsibilities. And why is that? There's no

00:51:56--> 00:51:57

reference.

00:51:58--> 00:52:12

There's nothing there's no common ground and there's nothing to propel them to force them to say, don't do this, but instead do that. So they are not going to observe your rights. And they are will be materialistic and superficial.

00:52:13--> 00:52:17

Because if Allah asserted is not feeding them spiritually, what is feeding them

00:52:18--> 00:52:25

the dunya the world around and that will make you what materialistic and superficial and

00:52:26--> 00:52:30

a person does not have religion. Ultimately, where will they lead you?

00:52:32--> 00:52:33

Jen or Johanna

00:52:34--> 00:52:35

Johanna,

00:52:36--> 00:52:37

okay.

00:52:38--> 00:52:42

Hola. Iike. Allah said in the ayah that we said about the slaves and

00:52:44--> 00:52:51

the polytheist Allah aka the owner, either not those people are inviting to hellfire.

00:52:53--> 00:52:55

And Allah azza wa jal invites to forgiveness.

00:52:57--> 00:53:18

So that's why, even if that woman has nothing, except piety, and it's difficult to believe it to think of a woman or a man that has nothing except taqwa and nothing else, no other, nothing else going for them. But if they only have that, they'll have character. They'll have respect they'll have dignity and they'll take you to heaven.

00:53:20--> 00:53:24

Been a foreman has everything but no taqwa. What will she take you?

00:53:25--> 00:53:27

Same thing for a man What will he take you

00:53:28--> 00:53:36

to Allah's pleasure or displeasure, displeasure, so he can give you the world but will take you away from Allah subhanho wa taala. Right.

00:53:38--> 00:53:44

So, ask yourself or if a person is interested in getting married, what are you seeking?

00:53:45--> 00:54:02

And what is important to you. And if you don't find that religion is that important if you need to step back and cultivate an increase Allah's love and awareness of how important that is. So that kind of use it be intermixed with all the other things that you are looking for, right?

00:54:04--> 00:54:05

And

00:54:06--> 00:54:09

the importance of stressing here, and I think maybe we'll probably

00:54:12--> 00:54:16

just mentioned this, and then just one or two points in sha Allah.

00:54:19--> 00:54:52

With all of that, right, with all of that, that we said, it's also important to pay attention to what a person likes to their inclinations to what they are attracted to, and not to dismiss it. If you marry someone only based on their religion, but you're not attracted to them, you might find that your life together could be difficult, right? So there has to be a some level of agreement, some level of attraction, some level of understanding that you could use in sha Allah in addition to religion, so that you could build something on top of that, and

00:54:54--> 00:54:58

there's probably a reason for why the prophets allottee was seldom said

00:55:00--> 00:55:27

what he said in this hadith, that's the best thing for those who are in love to be married. And occasion that sparked that statement, a man came to the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. And he said, we have an orphan girl, an orphan woman. I mean, they I mean young enough, but she doesn't have any parents right. And two people are interested in marrying her one is rich and one is poor. We like the rich one and she likes the poor one.

00:55:29--> 00:55:33

Which to which should we give him to which should we

00:55:34--> 00:56:09

give her? And so it is true that the prophets a lot he was salam said, because she's more interested in that one, even though he does not have money. He said that a salatu salam, the best things for those who are in love or a trade with each other is married. So attraction matters. Attraction matters, and that's why the prophets Allah Allah wa sallam said, what he said, but with all of that, if a person is only interested in loving someone, meaning I'm just waiting to fall in love, and we'll talk about romantic love insha Allah next time, but if I'm just waiting to fall in love,

00:56:10--> 00:56:25

and Allah azza wa jal says love is not a factor and it's not strong enough to govern your other emotions. If you're just waiting to fall in love, you could fall in love with the wrong person and marry them despite Allah's guidance, right.

00:56:27--> 00:56:38

So, two things have to happen. One, Allah's love has to be strong enough to govern all other emotions, interactions and choices, including whom you're going to marry.

00:56:39--> 00:56:54

So your romantic love should never your basic physical desires should never Eclipse Allah's love. It's the snatch why we needed to talk about Allah's love first. So that has to be strong enough.

00:56:55--> 00:57:33

And when you're going to choose, if Allah's love is strong, it will guide you to the best choice with all kinds of the confusing criteria competing with each other. She has this she has that he has this, he has that, should I or shouldn't I, if you will of Allah subhanho wa Taala you will be guided. But if you leave it to your own emotions and your own attractions, then you will be swayed far away from Allah subhanho wa taala. So the law of Allah has to be strong enough. And if you and again, we will talk about this in sha Allah next week, if you're attracted to someone.

00:57:34--> 00:58:22

And because you're attracted, you start to have extended interactions with them that attraction turns into stronger attraction, so interaction to stronger attraction into immense love. That will simply Trump anything in its path, you will sell out, you will forget about your religion, about your family about everything that you have, for the sake of that love. And that is a disasterous dangerous type of attraction and emotion. So again, if a person loves Allah as though done enough, that's not going to happen to them. But if the heart is vacant, it's easy for them to love a person to such an extent that they forget about their religion and they forget about Allah subhanho wa

00:58:22--> 00:58:57

Taala so that's why it's important as we talk about this, and we continue to talk a bit talk about it in sha Allah, that the love of Allah azza wa jal will be always the basis and the guidance to what benefits us inshallah even if we kind of hate it at times, and hate leaving it at times if it's best for us, especially for us because of Allah azza wa jal so I'm gonna stop here but in the last origin, and as I said, Inshallah, part two will be next week but I just did not want to overwhelm us with information in sha Allah and just allow us kind of to process all of this bit last.

00:58:58--> 00:59:03

Let me know Inshallah, if you have questions, or you would like to add something

00:59:25--> 00:59:45

so the question is, how about women? Do they marry men for the same reasons, more or less, right? More or less? woman would marry men for these reasons. So they marry for money. I it's common, like it's common sense. They would marry for money they marry for lineage, these are attractive things.

00:59:47--> 01:00:00

They marry for beauty and the marry for religions. So these are the common men. But the Prophet alayhi salatu salam mentioned that because it's typically the men are the ones who are the seekers. Right. They are the ones who go

01:00:00--> 01:00:07

or and propose it's not the other way around but the reasons or common reasons to both sexes are lower

01:00:14--> 01:00:15

give you inshallah a minute

01:00:17--> 01:00:19

to think of any questions if you have any

01:00:26--> 01:00:33

Yeah, you want to, you could write it. Yeah, you could write it and Shall I give you time? So the men's side anything?

01:00:34--> 01:00:35

No, okay.

01:00:38--> 01:00:38

Yeah, go ahead

01:00:51--> 01:00:55

so how do we balance that with Allah azza wa jal allowing us to marry

01:00:56--> 01:01:01

women from the people of the book balance, loving Allah or balanced what I'm sorry?

01:01:04--> 01:01:10

Everything Right, right. So I mean, marrying the people of the book is complicated.

01:01:12--> 01:01:19

And it's complicated because of the context where it's happening. So, if you take it back to the original

01:01:20--> 01:01:33

permissibility that you will find in the Quran and finding the Sunnah and the practice of early Muslims, you will find that it is permissible actually, for men to marry the woman of the people of the book. So Jews are Christians, right.

01:01:36--> 01:02:06

And that is as long as they feel full, a condition of being Muslim, chaste, right, chaste, meaning that she does not believe in fornication. And she does not practice it looks at it as a despicable practice. And Omar, Radi Allahu anhu, when he saw some of the Sahaba, and that is kind of early on that is due on his Khilafah. And he saw it as a hobby, who they thought of the law and when he married the Jewish woman,

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and he said, I want you to leave her

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mean, again to divorce her let go of her. And he said, Why is it haram, he says, I'm afraid that you can fall into the camp company of a movie set, he called them prostitutes, I'm afraid that you will fall into the company of prostitutes, because he was afraid or the Allahu Anhu that if this becomes a widespread practice, and the people of the book, they don't look at it as a

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frowned on practice that you're going to end up being with someone who sleeps around. So that's what he's saying. So that is one thing to keep in mind. And the other thing and also to keep in mind that within the context that we are living in, marrying someone from the people of the book might endanger also the children, and how they grow up and how they are raised and who has custody of them, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, right. So a person has to be very, very cautious and very, very careful before they decide to marry someone from the people the book, right? The so that it all see within this context, right? That you live in, which is a non Muslim country, with the laws as

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you know, them has to be very, very careful before the attempt that and has to do his best to marry a muslim woman because that will be the safest thing for himself and the safest thing for his children. or lower.

01:03:32--> 01:03:33

Yeah,

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it's there.

01:03:36--> 01:03:38

I'm sorry, but kind of whatever I touch it, it does that.

01:03:41--> 01:03:41

Okay.

01:03:47--> 01:04:12

So how many times can a man and woman interested in each other meet and talk to each other. So if you, if you know, describing a chaperoned meeting, then you know, it could be once could be twice can do three times, this is up to the families, right? And they could be engaged and then through that engagements, they can, you know, talk to each other and they could explore what they feel they could explore

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the their plans for the future, their beliefs, et cetera, et cetera, and they can understand the other person through all of this. So if you're talking about chaperoned, then, yeah. Insha Allah under the guidance of the family, I'm not aware of a limit. But at the same time, right, you don't have the engagement turned into years and years right of engagement. And engagement is a reasonable time for them to know each other, have a conversation and then done. Don't wait. Right? Don't wait. And being engaged to someone does not mean that you can go out, right together. Right? We know this right? Because they are still strangers. It just means that there's a declaration of an intent I may

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want to marry this person. And when you meet you meet

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Under the eyes of the family for a reasonable time, again, once twice, three times, maybe it's a month, two months, three months engagement, something reasonable, but not a year? Not a year, not two years, right? Because that's not likely to end well, right? If it happens like that.

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Is it important to look for religious compatibility? Should a woman look for a man who's higher in her terms of their religion?

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I mean, it depends on your religious level, maybe your way up here, right? We're going to find a man who will match you. So if your conditions are stringent, just like with a man, right? So, I mean, let's say a person is a chef. And they're telling him you know, when he's looking, he says, You don't need to marry a chef like you. You don't really need you just need someone who's religious. And then both of you can grow together. So it's not necessarily the case that a woman has reached a certain level that she finds a match and exact match, especially if that match is not available. If they are if there's like an abundance of choices. Go ahead, may Allah bless you, right? But if not,

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they can restrict yourself and say only if he had memorized all of the Quran and Bukhari and Muslim as I did, only then will I marry him, where you're going to find that person. But if that person is a good man, who is willing to support you, who is you know,

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happy with the real religious knowledge, and he is willing to learn and increase his knowledge, then that's enough, inshallah.

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This is, I don't want to have a wedding, but my parents want me to have a wedding. What should I do in that case? If that wedding is halal,

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and it's not wasteful, okay, I don't know exactly why you don't want to have a wedding. But if it's halal, and it's not wasteful, I mean, please your parents, okay? If there is an issue, then express your reservations and force a change. So that Insha Allah, it's appealing to both of you. Okay. So there's an issue with it addressed that issue. If not, your parents want to see you married, they want to have that festivity. They want to have that celebration, allowed them for their sake, that's also part of the bill that they have, because you are their daughter or your son, and they want them because I don't know who's asking male or female, they want to see you are their child and they want

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to be happy. So allowed that inshallah.

01:07:38--> 01:08:17

So if if people are divorced, does the connection have to be completely broken? And if he asked, Does it count as severing ties, if a woman is a mother of the man's child, know that you don't have connection to her except as the mother of your child. So you don't have to call her and say, How are you doing? Everything is fine, she's, again, has become a stranger, you communicate based on need. So you wants something from you for the sake of that child, you want something for her for the from her for the sake of that child, then you communicate, so you communicate for the sake of that child, beyond that you don't, because then she would be like any other woman. But if she then needs your

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assistance, you need her assistance, right? She should feel insha Allah that she could come to you and say, Help me, I need money, help me I need this, you would help her. And again, ultimately, it's for the sake of the child and she is the mother. So you have to ensure Allah makes sure that she is well taken care of. And remember, like, there was an interesting story where a woman was divorced, and she's the one who'd as divorced from the husband. So they're divorced right now. And she got into some medical problems, no one would pay for it. And she said, The only thing that I did, and this is noble nobility, the only thing that she did was texting him is his I need some shutter money

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for an operation. And he wired the money. He just send the money. And she said, whatever I asked him, he gives that's nobility that 99% of people may not do this, but at least is something good to hear and aspire to have right?

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What do you think is the best age to get married? I am 19. Go ahead.

01:09:23--> 01:09:30

Go ahead. No, I mean, the earlier the better. And it's in society if you're ready, and the conditions are fine, go ahead and show

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because because again, the more the longer you wait,

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the more impediments will be in your way oh, I have to finish this and I have to finish that and don't be kind of tempted by I need first let me finish to graduate and once I graduate my masters and watch my master's, my PhD and then I need to work and before you know it, it's just you're past the age of marriage. Marry early in sha Allah and study, marry early and have children in sha Allah data's and by the well I mean

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societies and are encouraging this modern societies that are experiencing decline in birth rate, they're encouraging people to marry early and have children. Because again, if you don't do this society declines, eventually dice it days. So it's to the benefit of everybody, right? To marry early and have children. I mean, whatever works for you, but as far as marriage is concerned, if you're 19, you're not too young to get married.

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What about situations where parents reject a potential spouse due to his lack of money or because they want arranged marriages only? So the second part, if they only want arranged marriages, then that's not up to them? That's not the right. If somebody comes on he proposes and he fulfills all the conditions, then they have no right to reject him. Right? So I want that to be known Insha Allah, and if they want to arrange marriage, typically, they want that because it's a particular ethnicity, right? We want him from this culture from this from that. So that's not permissible. If somebody comes, who is a good candidate, you cannot just simply reject him for no good reason. If he

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does not have rejected a potential spouse due to his lack of money, there, it depends of what does that mean? Can he support you or not? Right? So that then they might have a point, if he has no money, right. And it really then depends on them. And you, if you're willing to marry someone who doesn't have money, that's up to you.

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If you're willing to live with that,

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knowing that he is not going to have enough for a, b, c, and d, but you're willing to give up that and tolerate it. That's up to you. But your parents may think otherwise, and may think you'll know you better. So maybe if he does not have money or enough to support you, those could be grounds for rejecting him. At the same time also, think of the story of Musa alayhis salam when he went to the

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man a man in Midian.

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And he offered to have his daughter be married to Musa did Musa have nothing

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but he adopted him. That's why we are saying we have to make marriages easy he adopted him into the family, he gave him some of his flocks, he said serve me and I will work for me and I will give you this and I will give you that and I will give you my daughter and he put or took into His family musalla his center. So maybe in situations you will find that the person does not have a lot of money, but you have to remember that you are like that,

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once in your life, and if we facilitate marriage you will find in sha Allah at greater Baraka in Allah azza wa jal.

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What do you think of people who get Nikka done but don't move out right away? What is the good amount of time for that. And there are different arrangements. So that can be done, you can make Dominica, he stays with his family, you stay with your family, you meet on and off, right? until such a time when eventually Insha Allah, you'll be able to live together what is an appropriate amount of time, the sooner the better, right, but there is no set time. But at least you're married. Right? At least you could be alone, at least you get to fulfill your desire, at least you could confide in each other, you could plan together, you feel somebody is beside you taking care of you,

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that is a good feeling to have insha Allah so I think it's a good arrangement. And it's an arrangement, good arrangement for today's complex financial situations who are who today can immediately afford to rent a house to rent an apartment to be able to support a family in the beginning. So as you develop as you you know, get more and more money inshallah that could be a good arrangement and there are different arrangements that could work for a lot of people inshallah. So it doesn't have to be rigid, marry and immediately move out into your own apartment or your own dwelling. It may not be possible in the beginning. So insha Allah can be flexible, both as a parent

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and also as a spouse.

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What if a partner is divorced, and the partner is now marrying another woman but hasn't paid them out? Meaning the mother of the previous divorced woman? That's what I understand, right? I mean, there's still a debt. I mean, that does not invalidate his next marriage. But he still owes her. So either he pays it now he pays it in the hereafter. Right and in the Hereafter, she will take it as good deeds from him. So it does not invalidate his second marriage, but he's definitely in the wrong for not giving her that mark because she deserves the mark immediately as soon as she gets married. So that's what the mount is.

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What if a girl is forced into a marriage and she hates it or the parents oppressors? That is injustice and she does not?

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As the marriage by simply rejecting it. So for parents, let's say for instance, marry their daughter without her knowledge, or they forced her to marry someone, and she hates it. As soon as she knows that they married her to someone and she says no, the marriage is dissolved. Right? So they cannot force her. Okay?

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Is it allowed to ask a person you're looking to marry if they have had previous relationships relations with the opposite gender said it is said that one should conceal their sins political officer wants you to conceal their sins. So don't ask because you'd be forcing this one this person is okay.

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How many? How many times did you do this?

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Where are you intimate with someone before this? Did you commit haram before there were they supposed to do if they did? Come out and tell you?

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Why isn't it haram?

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Yes or no.

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It's haram to come out and say how many times you've committed Zina, or if you drank alcohol, of you're addicted, or you're addicted to this or that you're not allowed to be public with your sins. Especially if you repented.

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If you repented from them, they're in the past, you cannot share that with other people. So when you come to talk to someone, you say, tell me how many times you did this, or you did that. You're putting them in an awkward situation, because either they would have to lie, or be public and the Prophet sallahu wa salam, he said, Kulu multimo, Arthur Elin, Bucha hearin. All my OMA will be forgiven, except those who are public with their sins. So he cannot be public. He has to conceal it.

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So you either take the person as they are right now, or if you're not comfortable, we move on.

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We may take them as they are right now right in front of you.

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If not, find somebody else that you're comfortable with. But you don't investigate like that. Reveal your past to me.

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Short, he should answer he should say you shouldn't ask any of these questions, and just close the door. Right? And if they are forced forced, as some of the scholars have said, if they are really forced, and if they had repented, they don't admit it.

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They did you drink? He said, No, you shouldn't? No, no, I need to know right. And he had repented. You say no.

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You say no. Right? And the exit here is why because they repented. But no one should put anyone in that situation right?

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And under defy missed, okay.

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What if a woman has to propose or ask first? How does that work? And she can do that. So a woman can propose right? Meaning she could go to someone and say, Are you interested in marriage? And he could say yes or no. Right? So there is nothing wrong with that. Inshallah. I though I know it's awkward, right. But there's nothing wrong with potential, I just want to make sure that I've answered all of these questions.

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How can you tell when picking someone from the face that they show you from what they actually are meaning?

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I mean, it's always a gamble. I think I understand your question. How do you can you tell from someone if you just look at them, just their face? And you talk to them?

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How do you know that they're showing you who they actually are? Well, how do you know that anyone is what they say they are?

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How do you know?

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Is when you talk to them? I mean, the face sometimes reveals a lot. The face reveals a lot talking to someone reveals a lot? Is it 100%? Nothing is 100%.

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But even if people will say well, I don't know them. So I'm just going to be you know, we're going to be girlfriend boyfriend and that is the way to know them. Do you think that you know a person really know a person when you live with them?

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Do you really actually know them when you live with them? Have you heard of instances where people are boyfriend girlfriend and they get married and they get divorced?

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Or what happened? Or people who are in love, like really in love, they get married and they have problems. And they used to talk on the phone and go out and that they had problems after marriage. That's not a guarantee spending time with someone before marriage does not guarantee that you know them. So but if you trust Allah azza wa jal, then you have the best chance Bismillah because Allah is on your side. But to tell you that's 100% Nothing is 100% Because people change

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the person that you marry right now and we're gonna we're going to talk about marriage love before marriage and love after marriage and how it's very different. We'll talk about that inshallah next time, but nothing stays the same. So there is no guarantee in the law. So just follow Allah's guidance and trust that when the law is urgent

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Follow up question what if they are currently committing those sins or having addictions that could affect their marriage? If a person knows that they are not fit to marry so and so they shouldn't otherwise it's a betrayal.

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Right? And if they're committing that sin at that moment, they can't lie and say, No, I'm not committing it.

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Right?

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They simply should just withdraw. But they cannot say no, no, I'd never drank I'm not drinking or I never drank and they are drinking this haram to say this because deception. So if you know that, don't cheat a person, right? Because if you can see that is going to come up later. And if it comes up later, it's going to destroy that marriage. So cannot the safest draft is for you. So for you not to marry that person.

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Can someone conceal their previous marriage? Why would you?

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They're going to find out right? Why would you conceal that marriage is not a sin. So you'd be lying. So no, you're not allowed to conceal that marriage. Okay.

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Can a potential spouse see a woman's hair anything else before they get married? The safest thing the safest thing is just he sees wearing the hijab.

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Okay, the safest thing is is the hijab. Inshallah, I'll expand on that inshallah next week because I don't want to take away from Asia. But if I've missed a question online, I'll answer it inshallah next week, and this last one inshallah I'll expand on it insha Allah next week. If you have questions or are unable to get to them right on the men's side or the woman's side insha Allah please do send them or give them to me in sha Allah because I would like to answer as many of your questions as possible in the last

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clip, inshallah we conclude in sha Allah part two in sha Allah to follow next week with Nila zodion Subhanak along with him the shadow Allah He died and the stuff Heruka to put liquid hamdulillah Bill Alameen Salam