This is Love – Hadith #31 Marriage and Love P2

Ali Albarghouthi


Channel: Ali Albarghouthi


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The speakers stress the importance of love in Islamic language, marriage, and desire for sex, emphasizing the need to find the ideal person and present oneself to avoid worst behavior. They also stress the importance of finding a partner and personal development to handle one's behavior and control one's anger. The speakers emphasize the need for protecting oneself and others from harmful behavior, balancing work and personal life, and finding a balance between work and personal life to avoid negative consequences.

AI Generated Transcript ©

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Good to go. For the brothers who want to pray. I just want because we're going to start this one so that's really going to bother you. So if you could move way to the front

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then there'll be easier for you in Shell. Yeah

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yeah, Zack, we're good to go. Okay.

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So hello hamdu lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah he while early he also had to he was salam ala Marlena million fauna and found Abby my LinkedIn was it now Iman Rabbil Alameen Aloha Magna Allah the credico Ashok Rica was in a bad attic.

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So today's session in sha Allah is a continuation of last week's session, part two,

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to the explanation of Hadith

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marriage and love where the messenger Alayhi Salatu was Salam said, le Muriel Muda, Hebei Nemeth no Nikka there is nothing like marriage for two who love each other.

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That is, if two are in love with each other, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said there is nothing like marriage for both of them. That this is the medicine that this is the natural and logical and emotional and satisfactory end to sexual love. Everything else will fail. And we'll bring misery. So we started talking about that this hadith and what it includes and

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topics around it. Right related to it. And we'll continue in sha Allah to talk about these today. Because this is one of the

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most important aspects of love that we encounter, but we are ill equipped to deal with. And that is because we don't understand what love is not Inanna not really in a full sense. And we don't understand how all of that relates to the love of Allah azza wa jal. So last time, I told you that perhaps the first thing we will talk about today is that there is a difference between love before marriage and love after marriage.

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And whatever you want to call that, you want to call it attraction, you want to call it love, you want to call it love with coats, the person feels attracted to so and so they want to be with so and so. They worry about so and so if something happens to them, so there is this

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emotion that they share.

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But what you feel before marriage is not what you're going to feel after marriage. And the reason being Allahu Allah is before marriage, how much do you know about the person to really love them?

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Right, especially if you follow the Islamic guidelines, right? And it is something and affection that is happening from afar from a distance?

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How much do you know about them to really love them, a lot of time when we are falling in love with somebody, even if you're talking to them on the phone all the time, or you see them all the time, but you're not living with them.

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You're loving an idea.

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You're living an ideal.

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And you're living a fantasy. So there are two things that are coming together, the little that you know about that person and your projection, your ideas, your fantasies, your wishes. So you're married the both or marry both together, and you produce a fantasy of who that person is, and you fall in love with that thing. That's not reality. on your part, that's not reality. Because you don't know the person yet. And you're projecting the ideal that you have, which we'll talk about an ideal that you either had inherited from movies and novels or you construct it on your own, you hope that person to be so that becomes your ideal. So you're falling in love with that ideal.

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And you expect that person to be that ideal, of course after married is going to be different. So that's on your part. That's what you're loving at that moment. On the part of the other person. There's always that element of pretense

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presenting the best that you have and the best that you are. It's a mask that all of us put when we meet other people. And that is a natural

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approach to meeting people. Like when you come to the masjid

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Do you will behave as the worst person you are. Do you behave as you are naturally or do you put on the best appearance and best behavior?

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The best. It has to be the best and there's nothing wrong with it because this is how you want to be and this is how you want people to see you. Plus you tolerate other people in the masjid or

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or at work or what have you, because you're not that close to them, you're not going to spend a lot of time with them, they don't irritate you as much. And you want to maintain an image.

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At home, you can do this, you can keep pretending,

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you can keep holding back what you want to say who you really are. So if you are attracted to someone, and they are attracted to you, and you're talking to them, and they're talking to you, those minutes are those hours that you're talking to each other, or you're out with each other. And we're just, I'm not saying this is Islamic. But while that is happening, you're presenting the best of you, and he's presenting the best of him, right?

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You're not really revealing it, it's not sinister, no, but you're not really revealing the worst of you.

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Until you actually are married, and when you marry all of these pretenses fall, because you don't have to pretend anymore. This is the person who is at home with you all the time, who supposedly you will spend the rest of your life with. So there is no reason to pretend anymore. So when you upset, you will show them that you're upset. When you're frustrated, when you're sad, they'll see all of that, you're no longer what masking who you are.

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So what if that person is presenting the best of them, you're presenting the best of you and the in between the missing parts that you don't know about them, you're filling them in with your own fantasies and ideals, then that love after marriage becomes a constructed fantasy.

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When you marry,

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the reality will show itself

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you will be your own self, he or she will be their own self. There is no pretense anymore. And

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now you will live under pressure, which is the pressure of normal life. Right. So some days are good, and some days are bad.

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Sometimes you fight sometimes you clash, because you're always next to each other. Now you'll see how he or how she will deal with frustration, sadness, anger,

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then you will discover who that person is, then and only then. So there is no amount of time that you can spend before marriage that will reveal to you who that person is

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no amount. Even if you're engaged for a year or two. It's very different.

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And there is a consultant, right. And he is speaking from practice and from people coming and talking to him about their experience. And he's saying and this is a female, who has married the one that she loves. And she's saying that I know, I knew him for a long time. 123 years, we were constantly talking condoms constantly on the phone, we go out he pays for the meals, et cetera, et cetera. Again, I'm not saying that this is Islamic, I'm just

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narrating what she said. So I knew him enough to think and believe that I know who that person is long enough to believe that I know who that person is. She said, The day we got married, I discovered that he was very different. He changed, his behavior changed. Before he would pay for everything. Now he doesn't pay for anything. Before he would do this and that now he doesn't want to do anything. Now he settled into what he perceives to be his role and her role. His reality, his nature now reveals itself. Again, I'm not saying that this is sinister, I'm not saying that somebody is playing you. I'm just simply saying that. This is how a person is before marriage. And this is

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how a person is after marriage.

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love before marriage is not a predicting factor, or a good predictor of your happiness after marriage. You could fall in love with someone marry based on that love, lack compatibility. You just have those emotions like compatibility. After a few months or a few years as a married couple. You lose that love. And then people divorce. So as love can come love can go. So it's not the only thing that sustains a marriage. And somebody may say okay, well, why not? I live with someone like actually live with someone have sexual relations with them, sleep with them for one to three years boyfriend girlfriend, only then will I know if we are compatible, right? It's like a test drive.

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Like you test drive a test drive a car, only then would you know if you like it or not. I'll test drive a human being.

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And the answer to this is what is that if you pursue this, don't imagine that Allah is that it is going to bless your union.

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Because what are you doing?

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As we said last time, if the shaytaan is the third, the shaitaan will bleed the baraka out of your marriage, or union, or your companion or that love that you have. So if you really love someone, and you want to live with them, guaranteed you're going to lose that love, or will be tainted and contaminated. Or if you try to marry that person, after some time, is not going to be successful.

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So that's not the way

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to preserve love and to preserve marriage, but rather, as we said, to follow what pleases Allah azza wa jal and follow the Sunnah of Muhammad Ali is Salatu was Salam.

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And you want to say really, that, again, addressing the issue before and after marriage, that love actually grows stronger after marriage.

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Because when you marry someone, and you are committed to them, and you stay with them, you are facing life together, you have common experiences, your hopes, your expectations, converge, they become one,

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you lean on her, she leans on you. So in addition to the attraction that you have physical and emotional, you have you have other elements that strengthen that love and bring you closer together. So as the years pass, the love grows, that doesn't diminish, it may be expressed differently. Right? It will definitely not be expressed in ways that you see in Hollywood and Bollywood. So that's how we develop ideas about romance, how a husband is supposed to act, how a wife is supposed to act. So when you go into a marriage before marriage, or at the cusp of marriage, expecting your life to look like a Hollywood movie or a Bollywood movie, you're going to be severely disappointed.

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Because what they present to you what is Hollywood present to reality?

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And I'm including Bollywood here, because a lot of people watch Bollywood, right. So what are they presenting to you reality? This is how people actually live.

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So think about it. Are these actors living that life? No, than the writers?

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Right? Are they living that life? The director, anyone who's involved in that movie? is he living that type of life? No. So what are the writing? What are they producing? It's a fantasy. Why are they producing a fantasy?

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Because it sells.

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So they know that everybody's looking for love. That's this whole book is about that everybody is seeking love. So he says, If I can sell them that product, where this person is finally finds love, conquers everything to be loved, and to find love dies for the sake of his or her beloved, it will sell people are going to come and they're going to watch it and they'll keep watching it. And if it sells, I'm going to do more and more of it. And we'll till I find out that it doesn't sell anymore, I'll switch to something else. So loving Hollywood and Bollywood is not supposed to resemble reality, it's not supposed to heal is not supposed to guide. It's not supposed to satisfy. But

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basically what it does is confuse and damage.

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And there are people and it's not only Hollywood and Bollywood. There's also some Muslim countries. And we're coming to Ramadan, right. And when you come to Ramadan, Muslim countries, they produce the best series, you know about this, right? The best series, the best TV is found in Ramadan. Right. So people are going to be watching more TV in Ramadan than before or after.

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And one main focus and unseeing have not kept up with what ever they're producing. But very popular series are about love.

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And there are people who actually divorce their husbands or divorce their wives, because their life doesn't match what they see on the screen.

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Look how gentle he is. Look how caring he is. He brings her flowers and chocolate and this and this and look how she how compassionate she is. And you consider that you consider your life you find that there's a lot of missing from your life say I'm looking going to look for somebody else. So families break up because the reality does not match that fantasy. And he must understand that it's just simply nothing else but a fantasy.

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And if you understand that you're not going to learn from it how you're supposed to be a husband or how supposed to be a wife, but rather you

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consult you ask and you go to the Quran, you go to the Sunnah and you also moderate your expectations based on what you can give as well. So

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something interesting about marriage and this is something that we need to explain

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Is that not all marriages are based on love and not all marriages are sustained by love or get sustained by love by meaning in the beginning there might be some love but it's not the thing that sustains them or keeps them together. And this is a saying from ordinal Khattab Radi Allahu Anhu on page 330. He said that the Allahu Anhu are called Old Boy Utila the Huebner adult help. Well, Akina Nassetta I Sharona will Islam you will a son. He says the fewest of all homes are built on love. But people live together with Islam and kindness meaning they build a home and they sustain a home with Islam and kindness. So what he's saying here are the Allahu Anhu is something important is saying

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how many homes are built on on love. And by love, he means what that intense attraction that husband and wife have for each other, that romantic love that we all know how many homes were are built on that they married because of it or continue to stay because of it is seeing reality is that's not the thing that keeps people together. Because as I said, this thing can come but it can go it can subside, it declines. And it has to decline with time, that type of emotion, that type of sentiment, it has to decline with time, but something else takes its place. So he's saying what you have to add Sharona, they live together, they continue to sustain each other, they continue to build that home,

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with Islam and with Essen with kindness to each other, meaning I received kindness from them, and I give them kindness. So there is that respect and that love because of that kindness. And they also maintain that home because of Islam.

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And I owe them something and they owe me something and they're also we're taking care of the kids and the family and what have you. But if you're only going to sustain a home or a relationship based on love and nothing else, but love even if you lack compatibility, you got to understand that that may not sustain that relationship, it may end up killing it. Right. And we will talk about that intense love.

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love can make relationships and people miserable.

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Love that intense love. It can bring misery

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to people if there is nothing else to guard against that intense fluctuations or tells extremes of that love. So you have a story in the Quran of the wife of Al Aziz that loved home

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use of Alayhis Salam and as mentioned in the Quran, Karhu in Morocco as easy to rodu Fatah NFCA arch Gotha hooba. So the people right in the in the city, the gossiping and talking about the wife of Al Aziz and they say that the wife of Al Aziz is trying to dis seduce her servant. She truly loves them meaning her love. His love has penetrated her heart a check out for her mean it went inside Shira full color, meaning as if the heart if it has a thin layer around it. And so his heart penetrated that layer mean it's way deep inside. So she loves him.

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What did she do with him?

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She accused him

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tried to frame him. And eventually was the cause behind his imprisonment. Right? Because when she was caught, and her husband found her, she said What is the punishment for someone who wants ill for your family?

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So what do you expect that the husband will do to someone who wants to harm his family? He could kill him.

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She had to save herself, right? Although she loves him.

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She was willing to do that. And eventually he spent years in prison because of that.

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So don't think that simply because one loves another right? That that is going to end in a you know in a happily ever marriage. No they could he could kill her or she could kill him. She could turn against him and he can turn against her love needs other things as well. So Amara will have Tabo the Allahu Anhu say if you are in a wait till you love someone to get married, or you will only stay with them if you still continue to have that feeling. A lot of people will get divorced. But what else is there he is saying there is Islam and there is some kindness right to other people mercy that both of you have common goals. Both of you are taking care of each other. Both of you are

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protecting each other companionship, right companionship. So there are reasons why people do things just not just love right? So how many people and I don't know if they really this is a good example or not. Maybe it's not. But how many people love their jobs. Okay, I'm not equating marriage to a job but I'm just want to kind of

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convey a message. How many people love their jobs?

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Few? How many people go to their jobs?

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Everybody? So why do you go to your job? Is it because you love it?

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Because it serves other purposes as well. Right? There are other things that you love. And because of that you stay in this thing, otherwise you wouldn't. So I'm saying, I'm not saying that marriage is a trap, like you're trapped with your job. I'm not saying that. But I'm saying that no, marriage is blissful. But you don't just stay there simply because I'm madly in love with so and so I can't wait to see here, see her or see him. Because I'm constantly daily, a romantic person can do this, no one can do that.

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So if you're realistic about it, your marriage will be successful by the will of Allah has, right.

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there is something here that I address, which is a love that turns into a disease.

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Love that turns into a disease. So anything too much of anything, right? If you eat too much, it becomes an illness, right? Although food nourishes you, but too much of it is damaging. If love becomes excessive, too intense, without restraint, it becomes an illness. And that is what is called in

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Okay, and other languages, right borrowed this,

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this phrase or this word from Islam and they use it, right, which is intense love, very intense love. And it kind of can equate with the idea of a soulmate. And everybody is aware of our idea of the soulmate. So what is a soulmate soulmate is the one and only that you have to find. And if you don't find you're always lacking, and you're always searching, but once you find them, you're completely satisfied, right? Since your soul has a mate, and you're not complete, you're always incomplete until you find your soulmate. And your soulmate is not just any random person, right? There has to be one. So you keep looking and looking and looking until you find this person. And

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that idea resonates I want to say with all of us, because it's bases, meaning we're looking for something we're looking for love itself.

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That's true, but you're not looking for a human being. You're looking for home, looking for Allah as origin. Okay? But then because you don't know, you think that you're supposed to look for a human being who is going to satisfy this big gap in your heart. So this person that you can find that soulmate will be everything for you.

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Everything, right, that you're gonna be miserable. But once you find them, they'll be

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the person who will take care of you, the person who will save you, the person who will listen to you, the person who will solve your problems, the person who will empower you, the person who will take you and propel you into unimaginable heights.

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And the problem with this, of course, it's absolutely unrealistic. No one single person can be that for you to believe that.

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Right? No one single person can do that to you. Because if you think about it, could you be that person to somebody else, that they can come and give you all of their problems, all of the other insecurities, all of the gaps that they have. And you say you fulfill all of this fulfill all of my expectations, be everything that I want to be the perfection that I want to be can they know.

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So that's not only unrealistic, it's misguided because what you're looking for is Allah as you're looking for perfection.

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And that gap will always be there, even when you find a human being because when you

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find that human being and you say that's it when I find him, when I find her, she'll be he'll be everything to me. But then you discover that they are imperfect. Sometimes they don't want to talk to you. They're angry. Sometimes they're busy with their own problems. Sometimes they have no solutions. Sometimes they're the cause of your problems. Now, now what? That wasn't a soulmate, you want to look for somebody else go, you look, you'll find somebody else, they might be better, but still flood. You want to look for somebody else go and every human being that you find, you'll discover that they are flood, and so on and so on and so on. Who is perfect.

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Because you're looking for perfection, who's perfect. Allah azza wa jal, right,

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but some of us

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don't. We

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realize this, right? So we think and we still believe that humans can satisfy that and they can be our soulmates. And that is this the idea of where you love someone with all of your heart, the human being with all of your heart, and that love dominates to the degree that it eclipses all other types of love. And it becomes sickening. Because he can't be with them, there's a distance. So it makes you sick, spiritually sick, and in fact, physically sick. And it can kill a human being can kill, write, they can't eat, they can drink, unless they are next to so and so because the only thing they want from life is to be next to them not if nothing else. And that type of love is an illness. And

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that is what they call it h or h Kosovar the love of beautiful imagery or beautiful images or beautiful faces and physics. You look at someone beautiful face, beautiful, this beautiful that you fall in love with that image.

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And you give it all and you become trapped by it.

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And ignore him. He said, her the model woman, um, Rajat Kulu, this is a disease. This is on page 3312332. He says this is a disease of the diseases of the heart.

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And before Before I begin, this is a greater disease, I contend a greater disease today than it was in the past.

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Because how many women or how many one could you see in front of you in the past? You restricted

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restricted to fewer women here, few men over there. And that's it, you may fall in love with them and may not. But how many could you see today?

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Not just around you. But through the media, pictures and videos I would have how many could you see?

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See people who are not in the same geographical area, living on other continents are paraded and selected. Right? And groomed

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with makeup, stylists, Photoshop, this and that, until they don't resemble a real human being. They don't look like themselves anymore. But they become as closer or they become as close as you can to human perfection, no flaws.

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So when you see that, it's easy for you to fall in love with that image, that actress, that actor, that famous person who in reality, if you were to be next to them, you would not like them, you will not be attracted to them. But now through those all of those filters, they are the image of perfection. So you love it, love fallen in love with them. And you only want to be with them. And you only want people who are like them. And when you want to get married, you say I want a personal looks like her or a man that looks like him.

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And that again is what fake. But anyway, he says that type of dominating love, he says, is a disease. And he said he continues. And he says that issue of those images is only the affliction of hearts that are empty of the love of Allah azza wa jal, the ones that have turned away from him, and the ones that have have found a replacement for the love of the Divine. But he says, if the heart is filled with Allah's love and longing to see him that will repel

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the issue of images, and that's why Allah azza wa jal said about use of alayhis salaam Cavalli colonoscopy for animals to our fascia in the home in a body that was seen. So we did so that we would protect him from evil and indecency. He is of our serve our sincere servants. So he says that indicates that sincerity is a cause to repel a shock, and all the consequences that come from it, which is what evil and indecency. So he said some of the stuff have said, Al h kohara, to call binfer. Yeah, and you've heard it and we must Sue. I'm not sure how he says he loving someone. To that degree to that intensity is a movement or the movement of an empty heart. Meaning it's empty of

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anything else but loving that person.

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And it also means that it's empty of loving Allah Zota. So because it was empty of loving Allah, it's vacant.

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So when it saw this thing, it loved it, and it loved it with such intensity, that it was the thing that it loves the most. So he's saying that if it loved Allah the most it's impossible for it to fall victim to that type of excessive love. Does that make sense to you? It's impossible, because the love is already occupied. Right? If you're

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already fooled you ate your meal already. You're not going to desire another thing. It's full, your full, I'm done. But if you're hungry, you're going to eat anything. You'll consume anything good or bad. So the heart is empty.

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Okay? The heart cannot remain empty, it has to have something. So if it doesn't have Allah's love, I have to put something else inside. So what do I love anyone or anything, and it becomes the dominant love. And the problem with this, of course, is that

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the greater you love someone, the greater that you surrender to them, until you reach a point when you become their slave,

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internally and externally. So he said Here

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I am Rahim Allah, he said, and it's important to remember this for insurnace, abdomen, Boulby, heka in and mankind he says the human is a slave to whom they love no matter who they are.

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Right? So when you love someone, and let's say it's just natural love, you are you in part you will surrender to them. And part he says, Can you give me this? Can you buy me that? Can you take care of this? You'll see fine. It's a why. Why did you accept that request because you love them? Right? You accept that request because you love them. The greater the love, the greater the surrender, right? The greater the love, the greater the surrender, till they reach a point where if they asked you for anything, you will do it

00:31:38--> 00:31:43

and you will not risk upsetting them. Even if you have said Allah azza wa jal

00:31:44--> 00:31:51

when you reach that level, when the love that matters the most is loving them that the love of Allah azza wa jal

00:31:52--> 00:32:00

obeying them or listening to them or fulfilling their desire but not Allah azza wa jal, then you ask yourself, Am I a servant of Allah or their servant?

00:32:02--> 00:32:15

Right? Am I a servant of Allah or their servant? Because no matter how much you love them, okay, there has to be a ceiling, there has to be a limit, there has to be a point where you say, Oh, not this, I love Allah more.

00:32:16--> 00:32:40

Because every human being right, will have that tendency to ask for more and more. And unless they put a limit on themselves, somebody else has to put that limit because otherwise they'll take advantage. So you will always surrender to the people that you love. It's just you have to ask yourself, Do I have a limit or not? Otherwise, they will make you their servant. And if they are

00:32:44--> 00:32:51

if the like ethics if the like manners or the like sympathy, and the know that you love them to that extent, they'll abuse you.

00:32:52--> 00:32:55

And they'll abuse that love, and they'll take advantage of you.

00:32:56--> 00:32:59

And that's the problem with that type of intense love, which is

00:33:01--> 00:33:15

you don't think you can think anymore, you're not rational. And people can take advantage of you even though they don't like you, or they are not in love with you. So a person who loves Allah as though Dell is free,

00:33:16--> 00:33:26

is free to say this love is harmful he could stay or stay away from this love is excessive, I will restrain it. I will accept these requests, but I'll reject these requests.

00:33:32--> 00:33:45

So the point here is that, as we said, the heart is always looking for the eternal which is Allah Azza wa Jalla no human being can take its place. And every torment. Every Love is a tormenting love without Allah azza wa jal,

00:33:46--> 00:34:01

everything that you love. So we said, You're a slave to whomever you love, right? And we say also that every love and every thing that you love, will torment you with that love, except the love of Allah azza wa jal

00:34:03--> 00:34:12

except the love of Allah. Why will it torment you? Not intentionally, some people will torment you intentionally. But why is every love tormenting?

00:34:13--> 00:34:15

Because you could lose it?

00:34:16--> 00:34:45

And that's tormenting. Right? You could lose it. So something if they become sick? That's tormenting the idea that they could stop loving you that's tormenting the idea that they could hurt you that's tormenting. So any love has that element to it? Well, of course, if you love Allah at the same time, he protects you from that element. But the love of Allah zoodle is never tormenting. Because you can never lose him

00:34:46--> 00:34:58

and love it turn his back on you. He'll never betray you can never love you less. Unless you love them less has to come from you. But he never love you less. He'll always love you more than you love him.

00:34:59--> 00:34:59

So the loved one

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

As a surgeon is that love that you're looking for that once you find, once you find you'll be secure, but not love of humanity.

00:35:10--> 00:35:36

So ignore him again and we'll just translate it he says it's impossible for the heart to have love the love of Allah zodion, whom He called the highest beloved Alma boo boo Allah. So you love, love, love, love and then reach a point Allah is the highest of all Beloved's. So, he said impossible that you will have the love of the highest Beloved's and having a wish, for images, they are opposites, they cannot come together, because

00:35:38--> 00:35:43

loving Allah azza wa jal will dismiss or expel any type of

00:35:44--> 00:36:11

false love. And if you love something other than Allah azza wa jal, you love it because it leads you to Allah. It's a path to him, it sustains that love or protects you from harmful elements that like Allah's love, basically is saying what? When you love Allah azza wa jal, everything else that you love could melt into the love of Allah azza wa jal so you love your wife, not just because her she is the wife, but also what

00:36:12--> 00:36:47

she sustains you right? She protects you. She leads you to Allah azza wa jal so she also becomes part of loving Allah. And that intensifies that love sustains, it protects it. You love your children, why? Not only because you had them and Allah give them to you but because you are building something with them. That pleases Allah azza wa jal. So if everything that you love becomes part of loving Allah, it gets protected that way, and you increase that love and you strengthen it. And it doesn't compete. With Allah's love, it becomes part of it. Now.

00:36:50--> 00:36:56

Then I've included on page 3352336

00:36:58--> 00:37:02

steps or recommendations that if someone is suffering from

00:37:03--> 00:37:31

that excessive intense love, right? What can they do, to be able to overcome it? And they're basically kind of divided into two parts. One is increasing your love for Allah azza wa jal and the second is steps for weaken ash. Let me go through them a little bit right in sha Allah has some brevity. So increasing Allah for Allah azza wa jal, so get to know Allah azza wa jal better, and worship read more.

00:37:32--> 00:38:19

Read the Quran more and contemplate what it means. Make a lot of dua, make a lot of dua, because the more dua that you make and plead with Allah azza wa jal usea, Allah had been afflicted with this and they know it's damaging protect me from it, and rescue me from A, A, B, and C. So make a lot of dua, and when something is addictive, something had possessed the heart, don't expect that she's going to leave you in a day or two. It will take some time. So be persistent in that. And Allah azza wa jal, but this is addiction. It's a type of addiction. So any anyone who has a habit that is bad, and addiction that is about being engaged into daily and Allah xojo will heal that addiction, it may

00:38:19--> 00:38:55

take some time, but Allah will take that addiction away. But it's important to be persistent and to be sincere. Remind yourself that the only love that you need is the love of Allah azza wa jal and that's the thing that truly can make you happy. I read about the biographies of other Muslims and how they devoted their lives to Allah azza wa jal, and how much they have sacrificed. So that you see that life is not simply about loving so and so there are things that are much bigger and more satisfying. And keep the company of pious Muslims who will remind you that there are more important things that simply loving so and so or being shunned by so and so, steps for weakening.

00:38:57--> 00:38:59

If you love someone, marry them.

00:39:00--> 00:39:11

If you're in love with someone, marry them, right if they are a good potential spouse, right? And if not, start thinking about marrying somebody else. So if you're in love,

00:39:12--> 00:39:43

and you've been burned, and you're still feeling all of that, and what should I do Should I keep longing for so and so is a no go look for somebody else, because she will have or he will have what that person had and more. So that would be your own new concern. The new love that you're going to have so don't stay trapped in the past. So either marry the object of your love if they are a potential good spouse, or if not marry somebody else. Also distance yourself from the object of your love. If they are not suitable for you. You love them.

00:39:45--> 00:39:59

But they're not good for you. Don't stay around them. Don't keep looking at them. Don't keep checking their social media. Don't read their previous emails, delete all of that, because you need distance and with enough distance

00:40:00--> 00:40:38

To start thinking less and less about them, does that make sense? So you need distance right? Keep yourself busy with useful work, lower your gaze and do not look at the Haram because that weakens you, even other types of haram that weakens you. So in order for your heart to be strong enough, it needs to stay away from sin. So you need to fill it with iman not with haram. Ask Allah azza wa jal to assist you stop listening to music, and stop watching movies. Because that will weaken you as well. Music is about what even even if there's no lyrics to it, music inflames that desire.

00:40:39--> 00:41:00

So if you're already suffering, don't listen to sad music about loved ones who have left you and that doesn't work that defeats the whole healing process. Stop listening to it and don't watch movies about lovers and romance. And that doesn't help. So you have to stop this and you have to stop that. And then you can start healing right?

00:41:01--> 00:41:05

Ponder the fact that each human being is flawed and will decay and die.

00:41:06--> 00:41:29

So, kind of bring that ideal image that you have of so on. So to real life, they will age, their beautiful skin will not continue to be beautiful, that radiance will not continue to radiate. Right. They will decay, they will die, they'll turn into sand, Nash's

00:41:30--> 00:41:55

that's the eventuality of every human being. So if you think about them in that way, think about their flaws. You can't see them, but think about their flaws as human beings. Ask about their flaws as human beings and you will love them less, right. And also remember that no matter whom you love, and how intense Your love is, you can leave them or they will leave you with death.

00:41:56--> 00:42:01

They will have to die. What will you do? So assume that they've died already. What will you do?

00:42:02--> 00:42:17

Okay, so you have to decrease your attachment on a human being who's going to leave you and attach to Allah azza wa jal. And there's a hadith you're on page 337, which is going to be actually the last Hadith.

00:42:18--> 00:42:20

In the series, Hadith 42.

00:42:21--> 00:42:35

So I'll just translate it, but the explanation insha Allah will come later. It says Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam he said, Gibreel came to me and he said, Yeah, Muhammad, O Muhammad, live as long as you wish, you're going to die.

00:42:36--> 00:42:56

And learn how to love whomever you want to love, you're going to leave them and do whatever you can to do whatever you wish to do, you will find it on the Day of Judgment, you will be required by that. And know that the believers dignity is his night prayer. And his honor is and not needing people.

00:42:57--> 00:43:10

We will discuss this hadith in sha Allah later. But the relevant part is what what did you reveal to Muhammad Ali salatu. Salam, from him to him, to us love whoever you want, you're gonna leave him.

00:43:11--> 00:43:17

So if you have people around you that you love, and you do, and now you see them through that filter of you're gonna leave them

00:43:19--> 00:43:24

you're at attachment to them, your reliance on them must decrease just with that.

00:43:25--> 00:43:28

Because there's going to come a day when I'm not going to have them around.

00:43:30--> 00:43:39

Then what will that devastate me, can I move forward Can I can I cannot, that will decreases your attachment on any human being.

00:43:41--> 00:43:50

The last part of the book, that chapter is about forbidden attraction. And that is an attraction to someone that you cannot marry.

00:43:51--> 00:44:05

Right? So somebody is attracted to a member of the opposite sex, but he cannot marry her. She cannot marry him for whatever reason. Right? So if we say somebody is attracted to a married woman,

00:44:06--> 00:44:09

right? is in love with a married woman?

00:44:10--> 00:44:17

Do we tell them go and pursue your love and break up that family? Because love is all that matters?

00:44:19--> 00:44:37

No, right? We tell them what to tell them. She's married off limits, doesn't matter what you feel. Love doesn't justify any action. So again, and again and again. I'm saying love is not an absolute good. Meaning as long as you love X, be with them. That's okay.

00:44:39--> 00:44:57

That's wrong, right? So love is not an absolute good love needs directions guidance from Allah Zota then it becomes good or bad so love can be bad. So loving that woman and pursuing her and trying to have her divorce her husband to marry her isn't isn't is an absolute evil.

00:44:58--> 00:44:59

So that's not love that Allah

00:45:00--> 00:45:09

As Odell loves, but he hates it. So that's if you're attracted to someone from the opposite sex if you're attracted to someone from the same sex.

00:45:11--> 00:45:17

That's also forbidden attraction, right? Because can you marry them? No. Islamically

00:45:18--> 00:45:24

and so that attraction or even if you say I'm in love with so and so women with another woman, man with another man,

00:45:25--> 00:45:47

they say, well just go ahead and be with them just because you love them. We say no, just like with the first case that are presented to you, this would be haram to pursue, but I love them. But it doesn't matter. Allah Azza wa Jinnah is testing you with that law of attraction and attraction, right? Can we can't not? Can we not be attracted to things that are sinful?

00:45:48--> 00:46:31

Alcohol, or have addiction to alcohol, drugs and have addiction to them? Does that mean that we're supposed to just drink and consume these things? No, we stay away from them. And we say that's your in my test. So if you have an attraction to somebody from the same sex, what you do know that it's wrong. Stop. And all the things that we talked about the treatment of variation, apply here. Strengthen Your Eman, distance yourself from them. You know how you lower your gaze when you see somebody from the opposite sex. If you're attracted to someone from the same sex, might you lower your gaze, and it doesn't make you a thing. And that Islamically it doesn't make you a homosexual.

00:46:31--> 00:47:17

It doesn't make you gay when you're attracted someone from the same sex. It just happens that I'm attracted to so and so it can, can happen. But it doesn't define you. Oh, now I'm this but not that it doesn't define you. It just simply said means Allah tested me with this. Stay away from it. Allah hates it. Stay away from her, Allah hates it. And that is test and sometimes love empowers and sometimes love is our test. And so when the love of Allah azza wa jal is superior, you can say no to these things. And know that Allah will compensate you in the next life just like a lot of people today they cannot get married. They cannot I don't have the money. I don't have the means, right? I

00:47:17--> 00:47:19

didn't find the right person they cannot get married.

00:47:20--> 00:47:29

And what is their What do they say to themselves when I meet Allah azza wa jal in the next life, Allah compensates me there will be marriage there will be loved then in Jannah.

00:47:30--> 00:47:32

So this is not the whole story.

00:47:33--> 00:47:55

So you could just stay away from it. Until Allah xojo allows it if he allows it in the dunya in Halal ways and hamdulillah If not, that's not the end of your story. You don't have to laminate and regret and say Woe to me, and everybody got it and I didn't get there is a afterlife where you're going to get everything that you want from Allah xojo Right.

00:47:56--> 00:48:14

So this is it will lo Adam, and let me know if you have questions. And I have one question that I was asked. So let me answer that and also giving you Inshallah, the chance to ask or think about more questions. So one question is

00:48:15--> 00:48:25

related to what we said last week. It says if I want to choose a spouse and want to get to determine religious compatibility, so we have common understanding,

00:48:26--> 00:49:07

and when it comes to religious practice, it's mostly Okay, mostly good 70% 80% Good, but there is this last 25 to 20%, that it's still not okay. In terms of how he she dresses, how he she behaves, some habits, some focus in life, whatever it is, so most of it is good, but not all of it. How do you address this? Do I have to look for a complete perfect match? Or if there is something missing? It's okay. And if it's okay, what are the parameters for it to be okay, how do I deal with it? So,

00:49:08--> 00:49:32

ideally, of course, you want per 100% Match whenever that is possible, we see eye to eye everything is fine Hamdulillah. So, in terms of character in terms of religious practice, you have no reservations, and she has no reservations. But suppose that there are some missing elements right? And you want him or you want her to adjust to change sooner or later, you bring this up,

00:49:33--> 00:49:52

right, you bring this up as you are conversing as you are talking, as you are deciding, well, I expect from my husband not to do these things I want from my husband to do these things. That's the kind of husband that I want to have, I expect for my wife not to dress this way not to behave this way. So this is what I want from you.

00:49:53--> 00:49:58

And the other says this is what I want from you, and to see then the response

00:49:59--> 00:49:59

any further

00:50:00--> 00:50:12

instance this, this sister is perfect in every way, but she doesn't have she doesn't wear the hijab, it came to this right. You say well I expect what I want from my wife it has she has to wear the hijab would you be willing to

00:50:14--> 00:50:48

and if you find not only enthusiasm for it, but acceptance of that and she does wear the hijab and changes or he does the same thing changes, then that has been Allah azza wa jal increased compatibility between you and you can advance you could proceed, if you find reluctance, right? If you find resistance, and this is something that is a must, and not doing it is haram or doing it is haram, or sometimes is a major sin, it cannot proceed until this is resolved.

00:50:49--> 00:50:52

Because convincing someone to change,

00:50:53--> 00:50:58

and having them agree to that change before marriage is easier, easier than after marriage.

00:51:00--> 00:51:13

Before marriage, right? It's easier, because the person is eager to enter into that union. And they're eager to also what I mean, they may be more willing to change because it's a new life.

00:51:14--> 00:51:40

But once you marry, and there is this pressure on both of you daily pressure, and you begin to get on each other's nerves, right? irritate each other a little bit, and you have to as human beings, right? So you're going to stop listening to her a little bit, and she's gonna stop listening to you a little bit because Oh, you're annoying. And she's annoying, and he's annoying, right? So you're not going to listen to each other as well as before marriage.

00:51:41--> 00:51:48

So if you tell her after marriage, while you promise, you're going to wear the hijab, when will this happen? He says Stop nagging me, I'll do it whenever. Right?

00:51:50--> 00:52:05

She isn't, she's not gonna be as willing, as accommodating. But if you say all of this before, and you have a commitment, and you have a change in practice, then yes, but should I marry her? Even though she's not wearing the hijab? No.

00:52:07--> 00:52:10

Should I marry him? Even though he smokes pot? No.

00:52:11--> 00:52:13

He one day where he will stop? No.

00:52:14--> 00:52:48

Do I marry him? Even though he got goes out with his friends and smoke shisha? And what happened? No, he has to let go of all of these things, all these bad habits. He has to say no to them. And he has to commit to that. And then it depends on your religion or religious observance. Because you may be at a level of religious observance and commitment that you're not going to even consider someone who has that in public. You're not somebody, a sister, who is not, does not yet wear the hijab, because no, it's too much work for me, I'm at this level, I need somebody to match.

00:52:49--> 00:53:15

For other people, it's fine. As long as she has that commitment, and she starts, it's fine. So people are a different level of religious practice and observance. And as long as that person is maintaining the minimum of the halal and haram, no major sins, no visible major sins, then you see fine. So uncovering or not wearing the hijab, is what?

00:53:16--> 00:53:35

A major sin or minor sin. It's a major sin. Right? You know, so if you're engaged in a major sin, no, that's a red flag, you cannot proceed. So when you cleanse that when you take care of it, then you can proceed. And again, you match your religious observance, so that both of you are supportive of each other, right.

00:53:37--> 00:53:42

So I'm going to check in Sharla to see if there are any online questions, but think about questions you may have.

00:53:46--> 00:53:47

Yeah, go ahead.

00:53:58--> 00:54:39

So is every love tormenting? Does that apply to loving objects and things? Definitely. Because if you love something too much, and you worry about it so much, you'll be afraid that you're going to lose it, it'll be damaged. And when it's actually lost, and it's damaged. It leaves you with sorrow. Right? So that's what it is. So it is tormenting to so the less that you love things, especially things more than people, the less you're attached to things, the better you are because you could lose them than if they go they go. Allah could replace them. Right? Yeah. So people could love money so much that if they lose it, it kills them, like literally kills them, right. So it's tormenting in

00:54:39--> 00:54:39

that way.

00:54:43--> 00:55:00

So how to know whether a person is compatible with you for marriage, how to get to know someone you're seeking for marriage for character. Since some people may put up a persona. Definitely they could mirror or put up a persona and the reason that they do this as as we explained some of

00:55:00--> 00:55:11

It is natural some of it me They could be trying to they're fake their way into a relationship or a marriage. But how do you know?

00:55:13--> 00:55:46

You talk to them and you ask questions and you inquire about them about their friends about their habits. And you if you do this, you're more likely to find out whether they are compatible or not. So it's not just simply what he says about himself okay. So, if you say that you are religious, what does that mean? And if you remember last time we kind of a broke that down into what it means to be religious. So what is it mean that you are religious? And again, it depends on your level. So religious, where do you go to the masjid? Yeah, what Masjid

00:55:47--> 00:56:00

right? Masjid X or who knows you there? So you ask? Yes, the Imam you ask the people around, you know, so and so? Male or female? Do you know so and so? Okay. You say that you are religious?

00:56:01--> 00:56:15

Do you pray to your fast you do? Okay, who are your friends? A, B and C. So you investigate a, b and c, you investigate them on social media, you investigate this person on social media, you'll understand their connections and their priorities.

00:56:17--> 00:56:41

You asked about the family, they must have a reputation he he must have a reputation of some sort. Nobody is a hermit right, concealed. So fully concealed. No one knows them, even if they try to lie. Okay, so now you have a little bit better idea. Okay. Religious Do you attend lectures Do you listen to scholars to do you have read Islamic books? Yes, what? And who?

00:56:43--> 00:57:16

So the list. And you can tell who's honest, and who's faking it. Who really knows, because 123 Questions deep enough, you'll know whether a person is listening or not what they know, and what they don't know, how knowledgeable they are, and not how observant they are and whatnot, you know, 123 questions. If you're young if you're a bit naive, if you don't know yet. And I bring in somebody who knows, right? A parent and elder right somebody else, or at least that they provide you the questions asked about a, b, c and d.

00:57:17--> 00:57:26

So if you inquire if you investigate be the law, as noted, you'll know who they are, and the cannot gonna stay hidden from you. And by the way, also istikhara.

00:57:28--> 00:58:00

So we all know what's the harder is you praised the thorough and it's I want to say, even though it's recommended, I want to say it's almost a must. When you are proceeding to choose someone that you don't fully know, 100% just like getting a job, just like accepting an offer flying somewhere, or you don't know this good for me or not. You investigate but there's always that element, a hidden element that you don't fully know, at 10% or 20%, or 30%. Allah knows, but it's just hidden from you.

00:58:02--> 00:58:45

Right? So just like last week, somebody asked me says like, how do I know that she is who she says she is? Like, how do I know even if she tells me this as well? Well, how are you going to know unless you know you hire a private investigator who follows her all the time? or install a camera that is monitoring her all the time? How will you know? You have to accept what she says? She could be lying. Yes, but you investigate and that uncovers that lie. And this the Hara is there also to protect you. So to think that everybody is lying? Or do you think everybody is hiding something that's excessive, right? So investigate and ask ALLAH has eroded and Allah will not disappoint you,

00:58:45--> 00:59:02

Allah will not disappoint you if you want the 41 is the Hulen and you're seeking it Allah has not disappoint you. So how do you prepare yourself for marriage? What are some green flags to look out for while getting to know someone for marriage? So how to get yourself ready for marriage if you know the

00:59:03--> 00:59:22

responsibilities and rights of a high of a husband and a wife, how you're supposed to add how the prophets OLALIA wa sallam was how the wives of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam were so if you understand that, and if you understand in general, the Quran, the Sunnah,

00:59:23--> 00:59:50

you will be better qualified to be a good companion. So it's religious knowledge. Its character at dub. And I must emphasize Adam is not just simply I know, but there is an edit. So humility, the lotto not being argumentative, male or female, right? Leaving LG Dell. So you're not arguing all the time. You don't have to be right all the time.

00:59:51--> 01:00:00

Forgiveness and learning to forgive, learning to control your anger. All of these are part of the edip that you will find in the Quran and the Sunnah, so

01:00:00--> 01:00:21

Have you absorbed that you will be a better husband and you will be a better wife, you'll know how to control your tongue. You have to control your temper, all of these things are essential. So if you learn them, you'll be a better you'll have a better marriage than the last origin. And you know, the flags that you're looking for that you call the green flags are? How obedient are they to Allah? xuejun?

01:00:23--> 01:00:55

How do they talk about Allah? How do they talk about the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. When they imagine their future? What do they imagine? I want to accomplish this and this and this? Does it match yours or not? What do they want to? Why do they want to have kids? What do they want to do with those kids? Does it match your own perspective or not? Is it pleasing to Allah or not. So if you find that they are fulfilling all of these prerequisites of who a pious person is, then those are the flags that you're looking for. And you'll know more of that when you know more.

01:00:56--> 01:01:19

When you're educated, right. And a lot of us are not educated our education, Islamic education is very superficial. You just know a little bit a layer on a thin layer on the surface. That's it. But the real deep layer, we don't really know Islam. We don't know Muhammad Ali Salatu was Salam deep enough, we just do a little bit on the top. So if you know more, than you will understand more, right.

01:01:22--> 01:01:31

How to live in a healthy way in a marriage. I think, you know, I've described some of it, but you have a dub. And Allah azza wa jal says, who they love, wah,

01:01:32--> 01:01:40

wah mobile, artificial artist, Ninja Hadean, who the Laffer is beautiful, who they love for take as much as people can give, and don't ask for more.

01:01:41--> 01:02:05

And that is a very beautiful thing, take as much as people can give. And don't ask for more. So imagine people are walking and they are tanks, just like you know, a tank of a car that carries fuel. So this person is walking and they are filled up to a 50%. Imagine you could see this, this person up to a 75%, this person up to a 10%. So they can only give you what they have.

01:02:06--> 01:02:22

So this person who has 10%, you can only ask for 10%. Beyond that, what they saw, I don't have I don't have the energy. I'm not I'm not full. I'm missing 90%. So if you know that a person is unable to give you beyond that, don't ask for more.

01:02:23--> 01:02:52

Okay, so that's kind of mercy. But also wisdom in dealing with people, like this person can be generous and talking in general, not about husband and wife. This person is difficult for them to be generous. They're strong in other areas, but they're not really generous with money. So I'm not going to expect them to be generous. That's where they are. Unless you want to fix them. That's something else. But what to expect from people. All right, this person is gets angry very quickly. I know that's that's their limit,

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then I understand how to deal with them. Right, I'm not going to push them.

01:02:58--> 01:03:04

This person, for instance, can't listen to a complicated story. I'm not going to tell them complicated stories, that's hard.

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So don't put on them what they can carry. Allah doesn't put on you what you cannot carry. So don't expect from people what they can carry that's hollow. That's an Arab in Islam, by the way, who they are for. Right? So don't burden a person. And, and that's an what I'm going to describe next is difficult to apply it as the Prophet's OLALIA syndrome, applied it, but you can what? And let it inspire you.

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Don't let it be about yourself and your needs all the time. Me, me, me. Right. But also let it be about the other person.

01:03:42--> 01:03:50

And the prophets are all you sit in them. He said he would never personally adventure himself, like adventure himself for a personal injury or insult.

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I'm going to say this impossible to do today. Like he gets insulted for a personal reason, not Islamic reason, personal reason he doesn't avenge himself. He doesn't reply. He doesn't attack

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even if he wanted something at a Salatu was Salam. Right? So ns. Again, this is the one of the things that prove to you that he is a prophet of Allah azza wa jal. He says Kadem to Rasul Allah, He, ashleigh sinning. He says, I served the Prophet sallahu wa salam for 10 years. He never told me if I did something wrong, why did you do it that way? He never corrected me meaning in household things. Okay. Like, let's say for instance, he put it here instead of there, a vase here instead of there, made the bed this way, but not in that way. It didn't say why did you do it this way? 10 years. He never asked. He never complained. Whatever you do, and if the family of the Prophet Alayhi

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Salatu was Salam where to complain about him?

01:04:51--> 01:04:55

He says the O who follow Kana follow Dara laka.

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It says let let them be if Allah had wanted it to be this way

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have happened. Let them be.

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See, see how detached he is from his own ego? Let it be. That'd be

01:05:10--> 01:05:27

he would come to his wife, again, who who can do this passes by the wife, but they don't have money, then are wealthy passes by the one household? What do you have for lunch today? He says we have nothing. He says, Okay, I'll fast

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I'll fast. So it is, if it's there, he eats it. If not, he'll fast if they give a gift, because he didn't have anything if they give a gift, and it's there, right, some food he'll eat it. If not, he'll fast. So again, there is no ego. So we want to understand how right this is, this is how the Prophet salallahu Salam can inspire you. And that's why I'm saying when you want to really learn, it has to be more than listening to lectures,

01:05:55--> 01:06:17

like some lectures is great. But the lecture is will be unable, especially that lecture at that lecture is kind of superficial and you know, just for the general masses, it's doesn't educate will be unable to feed you all the things that you have you have to read. You have to read right and especially the primary texts, the Quran and the Sunnah.

01:06:21--> 01:06:22


01:06:29--> 01:06:29


01:06:30--> 01:06:31


01:06:38--> 01:06:38

Let me see.

01:06:47--> 01:06:50

Okay, let me see, can I know if I answered these before or not,

01:06:51--> 01:07:02

if we've seen the worst of our other half, and it affects how we treat them, we become less respectful what habit is helpful, right her his goodness to appreciate him her be grateful.

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And think about all the other good things that they have, I don't know what the worst have, that they have, what bad habits that they have. But you also kind of balance it with thinking about or thinking about the other good things that they have. So appreciate the good, okay, and don't exaggerate the bad, and work on the bad with them so that they could be healed, they could get rid of it. So that's just it's a balanced approach. This is when you're already married. So there's something bad about them, and everybody has bad things. So don't exaggerate the worst about them. Put it in perspective in context, think about the other good things and think about the potential

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also, they have these these these these things that are good about them. And maybe this way, insha, Allah will be able to overcome them together. So have that conversation with them.

01:07:54--> 01:08:34

How can you know what is a test versus what is our naseeb there's no difference between them you're not saved is a decreed thing. And it could be a test. So there's no difference between them. I think what you I'm not really sure how you distinguish between no sleep and test meaning no sleep is something to be satisfied with and done. Versus a test that you need to struggle with. Maybe that's what you mean. But even if something is decreed. It doesn't mean if something is wrong with it that you don't try to fix it. So you're not safe is not like surrender. Must See if you can fix something wrong, fix it if you can improve something and fix it. If you can't, maybe maybe maybe right

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eventually you decide to have to live with this. And as long as it's not so displeasing to Allah as though Did you just simply live with that and you tolerate it, and it that's your test? Right? So I hope that I've captured the difference between them as you understand it.

01:08:49--> 01:09:04

How to protect our children from the unrealistic expectations of love marriage, and besides discouraging them from watching movies, do open discussions. We do weekly daily to Ischia with family. Yeah, you do everything that you can, I mean, stop the poison.

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Stop those movies, stop those series, stop this music, stop feeding them all of these wrong fantasies. And actually, as you said, talk to them openly about it, and have this daily weekly test key and bring them to the masjid and if the masjid where you live is not doing this job or not fulfilling that particular part, then it's home because you're responsible for your own children. So you feed them what you want them to have, how you want them to grow, how you want them to think so you'll feed them all of that. And then you would have done your job. So it's not enough for you to earn money and feed them physically. The spiritual feeding the spiritual growth is much more

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important. So yes, okay, do Teskey at home.

01:09:50--> 01:09:59

So if you're in a haram relationship, and you try to make it halal, it won't work. I didn't say that. If you're in Haram relationship, you quit immediately.

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You repent from it, and if the other person repents, you can get married.

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But is predicated on repentance. That's the condition. You repent and they repent, you stay away from each other until you are secure in your in their repentance. And then you can get married and it can work. Okay?

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Does it? Or is it worth it to get married against experienced Muslim parents who know better I heard men don't need parents permission. It's not about this, it depends on who your parents are, how wise they are, and why they may be rejecting or accepting a of a person. So your parents sometimes are wiser and they know better.

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And sometimes, they're human beings, right? And they don't know better, and they have their own bias. If you're confused about that, you consult someone around you or you go to your local Imam and you say, This is my condition my situation tell me who's right and who's wrong. Okay, because that's the easiest way inshallah to do it.

01:11:07--> 01:11:10

How about a parent's love for a child?

01:11:12--> 01:11:19

You mean, is it tormenting as well? That is intense. Until example, the mother is so heartbroken with her son because of certain things.

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Because of certain things don't her son until she falls sick. I mean, yeah, the love of children is intense and can become so intense that it can make you sick. I don't necessarily say that that is a type of dominant love that Allah azza wa jal hates, it could be the type of love that you just simply love them a lot. That their loss cannot be tolerated and it can make you sick or it can kill you. It's not necessarily competing with Allah's love. But it can,

01:11:54--> 01:12:00

but it can. How. So you find them doing something that they like that displeases Allah and you let them

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you know, pour them, they're still young. They're, you know, he's in his 30s. And he's still young, right?

01:12:10--> 01:12:45

So when you do this, it means that you favor their approval, to Allah's approval. That is a what? An imbalance. I'm not saying that, that that's disbelief, that Schofer but that's an imbalance and you've gone beyond the acceptable limits of love. Now, Allah says that it should come first, for also for their own benefit. You want them to be the best that they can, right? So if you rein them with Allah's love with what Allah loves, they will be the best if you let them loose, run loose, do whatever you want, you are ruining them.

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And you're not going to be and think about this, you're not going to be better to them than Allah.

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Allah is the one who made them. You didn't make them Allah made them and He wants them to live this way. And you think you're going to be better to them than Allah is no, you should be an agent of other or whatever Allah azza wa jal loves, right

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01:13:14--> 01:13:28

Any book series recommendation to learn more about the prophets wives, the righteous woman of the past? I can't think of any at this moment. There's a one book and I know it probably has translated women around the Prophet,

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woman around the prophet but if anyone is aware of any book insha Allah let me know but women around the Prophet Sahaba Tala Rasul that was that's a book in Arabic and maybe in English.

01:13:41--> 01:13:48

The biographies if there's any biography of daughters of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam or anything about Israel or the alo Anna

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Maria I love the Allahu Anhu the mean the mother of Isa or the Sunnah, all of those insha Allah but if I think of any insha Allah I will I will let you know I will try to have a couple of recommendations inshallah I think I've answered all the questions here let me see this one. See we're done online I think

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I've been trying to get married but nothing is working is starting to get frustrated and lose hope.

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Even though I know I shouldn't What can I do different

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01:14:30--> 01:14:47

and that that's your your your condition. Your situation here is a common one. You want to get married, but it's not working and you're starting to lose hope what should I do differently? So let's say on the religious side and then on the practical human side, on the religious side,

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increase your devotion to Allah azza wa jal because you simply want something from Allah right? And if you want something from Allah, what do you do it to do?

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And the better you are as a Muslim

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more likely that you da will be accepted. So find out the times. When do I will be accepted and do a lot of Doha then daily, right? Because you want something really important from Allah as though just so you can say I'm going to make dua for a week and then stop. So between then in E commerce

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and the last third of the night, do I in your suit to hire the last hour on Friday between us and McGraw? Right? These are the times when Dubai is accepted. So you sit and you make a lot of dua, and you pray and you'll make a lot of dua. So, the more righteous you are, the more likely that Allah azza wa jal will grant you all of this, so don't lose hope, even if it takes time. And understand that Allah azza wa jal will give you what is good for you at the right time. So don't lose hope. Keep making that dua, and you're not losing anything, whether you're making dua H dua that you make is a good deed.

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And it brings you closer in sha Allah to your objective. So trust him Subhana wa taala. On the practical human side, maybe the way that you're pursuing it, maybe I was not working. So try it kind of to expand your search, have a network of people who will be able to be helpful. I don't know what you've tried so far. Ask this person, that person asked for advice, ask for insights, expand your search, and don't be so shy, so reluctant and hesitant. Ask, and the more that you ask advice, for assistance doesn't demean you when you're pursuing Khaled. And Allah Zoa Did you know had promised on the tongue of the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam as someone who's pursuing Halal that Allah will

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assist them. So just simply ask, don't sit back and wait, ask. And inshallah you'll find that the more that people know about this, the more likely that you will get insights into possible made spit in the last right.

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There. Okay, so. So I'll try to answer just a little few more, and we're done in Sean.

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Should the wife tolerate the husband who sleeps after Salat al Fajr? And does not work?

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If he's not working in the nurse spending on the household? Like, is that what you mean? Like he's not working at all? Then obviously, you don't have to tolerate that because one of his main responsibilities, if not, the main responsibility is to earn a living, to be able to sustain and provide for the family if he's not working at all. So you don't have to tolerate that. If you mean something else. Inshallah, let me know, maybe I'll be able to answer it next week in sha Allah, but just simply sleeping after failure, that's not a sin. Right.

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It's not healthy to try to change our spouse, right will become frustrated if it doesn't work. But we can just create the environment that helps them change, right? I mean, you could try to change them. I don't see. I mean, yes, it's frustrating. But it doesn't always have to be frustrating. And you will get to know your spouse. And you will know what works for them and what doesn't, how to change them. Sometimes it's good to be oblique, like indirect.

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So indirect advice, and direct inspiration, indirect lectures, indirect, these are the things that work, it's not always helpful to listen to you telling them do ABC. But if it comes from somebody else, it'd be more helpful. So it could be indirect. Right? But no, it doesn't mean that just create the environment and sit back No, not not if that's something that they really need. So depends on the gravity of the change and how needed it is. So sometimes you have to be upfront about it. No, this can't continue. This is haram. And sometimes you just simply inspire you do the right thing and hope that that thing will rub off on them. So it depends right on what their thing is, and your

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relationship with them and who that person is. But no, you should you should change if it's possible to change.

01:19:19--> 01:19:21

What is an ingredient that helps alleviate,

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alleviate or alleviate a marriage which we would be surprised to know about?

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Like elevate a marriage which which surprise to know about? I don't know if it will surprise you. I know nothing that would surprise you. But the things maybe that we talked about and

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maybe the thing and I don't think that's a surprise, but that maybe is something that relates to that last question is that the best way to change a person is to change yourself.

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The best thing the best way to change a person is not to simply say everything that is wrong in this marriage is you. So you have to change

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Ah, if you want them to change, you change and you'd be better and you'd be closer to Allah as legit and you make the DUA that you know is needed. And that will bring on their change. So maybe that is something that may not surprise you, but it's highly influential. So be the change, you know, like Be the change that you want to see kind of thing. So you want to you want them to be a certain way you change and be that thing and be better than that thing. And they will match it but in the LaserJet, because you have Allah has those are also on your site. So let me stop here in sha Allah, if there's anything more, please do actually send it my way and I'll try to answer it in sha Allah.

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Next week. We conclude by saying Subhanak along with him dig a shadow Isla Hill and the stuff you're required to take him the layer behind me Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah.