Solutions – Episode 06 – The Art of Dealing with People

Ali Albarghouthi


Channel: Ali Albarghouthi


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Episode Notes

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The speakers discuss the importance of social and emotional relationships in the fight against common problems and the need for everyone to be aware of their own limitations and allow others to speak truth. They stress the importance of being patient with others and avoiding physical contact. The speakers also emphasize the need for forgiveness and practice forgiveness to change behavior. They stress the importance of considerate behavior and avoiding racism. The speakers emphasize the need for work hard and avoiding giving up on others.

AI Generated Transcript ©

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LaHood hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah annual cibjo silom in Alhambra, Linda VISTA You know, when this stuff you know, that we learn, we truly and fusina was he at the Amani nama. Yeah, the LA Philharmonic, the da

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da da da da marshadow la vida in La Jolla, Shadi, Kayla, Mohammed and Abdul Rasulullah sallallahu

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alayhi wa sallam. So this is the sixth lecture in Sharla. sixth and final lecture in the series, about solutions to common problems. And the title of tonight's lecture is the art of dealing with people, as many encounter problems in interacting and dealing with other people. And this lecture covers inshaAllah all relationships or whether it's what we're talking about spouses, or we're talking about children, parents, friends, coworkers, whatever right someone strangers that you meet, on the street, the art of dealing with people is general. So is going to inshallah laid, lay out some principles. But before we go into that, when I just examine why is this a problem, right? Why

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do we encounter a problem in dealing with people? And then insha, Allah seek out the solution? So why is it a problem? Because on the one hand, it's a necessity that we interact with other people. Right? But then on the other hand, people in general are difficult. Right? So you have these two things. One, it's a must. But people are difficult. So why is it a must that we need to interact with people on an emotional but also on a social level, both of these things are needed. on an emotional level, you will see that as a human being can you survive by yourself, and I'm not here talking about socially, any meaning in the sense, I need other people's help talking about it

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emotionally. Can you survive by yourself? You can't. And that's why you find that Allah xojo in the Koran made a mention is that out of his favors, that he had created the human being and created its meat for it. So in the Quran, Allah azza wa jal sets the these pair as to who will live this life together,

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they will encounter this life, its challenges, they will progress, they will produce some together. So it's that unit. And Allah zodion says also, which are not controllable wakaba. And also, we've made you into shadowbanned, cabal, you know, sub tribes and tribes. So Allah did not only just make this type, this immediate relationship between a husband and a wife, and then their children, but you got also the extended family, the extended relationship. And also beyond that, you got friends, and you got acquaintances, and you got relatives, because you need all of them. So even just on an emotional level, you have that need, can survive by yourself, on a social level, or a civilized

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civilization on level, you also need other human beings, because on your own as an individual, you will not be able to survive this life.

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And you will find that Allah zoton has given this example in the animal kingdom, some animals, they survive as packs. And as a pack, of course, not that we came from animals, but that there are parallels and similarities as a pack, they're able to survive attacks, they're able to organize hunting, they're able to protect each other.

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So they create a system and they function better because of that system. So human beings, we don't function if we are not part of a larger group. So if there is a famine, how do you fight off that famine? Or there is a catastrophe? Big, something that is big? How do you fend it off? How do you survive? If we just simply operate as individuals, we will perish, right? We can't build anything great as individuals. But if we come together, you can build a big dam, a big structure, you can replant a barren land, you can irrigate it, you can etc, etc, but not as an individual you need a group. So it's also as a necessity that we need each other. So that is the part that is important.

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Why do we need to be with other people but as they said, We need each other but we're difficult. Now why are we difficult? Basically, and I'm going to explain it inshallah in more detail, you know, the flaws of humanity. But basically, that Allah zildjian says about human beings, that they are ignorant, and transgressors, balloon and jehol. This is the state that is entrenched in every human being you're born

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ignorant, and you only learn later you only acquire knowledge later. But you're born ignorant and you still eat, then you begin to acquire information about the world around you. And some of us do not exit this state of ignorance, we continue to, you know, revel in it, continue to be ignorant throughout our lives. And on top of that, in addition to it, we got volume, meaning transgressors. So the ignorant does not know what the truth is, does not know the fact, but assumes that he knows or she knows. I know what right and wrong is. I know what prayer papaya and politics who should be elected and not what laws should be enacted or not, even though this person does not know, in

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reality, and ignorant, but every ignorant person assumes that he and she knows

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very few people know that they do not know. Right? And by the way, you want him saying people here, I'm including ourselves as well. And it's important to be self reflective, that when I'm saying that if I'm just gonna say, you know, people are difficult. I don't want us to say Oh, other people, but now me know, I'm including you and me.

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Yep, that is we are in a state of calm and gentle you and me. We're not exempt. Because it is easy to say it's everybody else's fault. But me, I'm the good one. Well, that's an ignorant person says this. Okay, it's everybody else's fault. I know. But they do not know. When, as I said before, if you asked almost every human being they will tell you that I know. But everybody else does not. Which tells you that this statement is an ignorant statement. Because it cannot be true, that everybody knows, but everybody else does not know.

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Then the ignorant among us do not know that they do not know. That's ignorance, or volume. What's that state of bone is that we know what the truth is, but we don't want to follow it. I know this is yours, but I don't want to give it to you. I know this is mine, or this is my responsibility, but I don't want to do it. So there is that volume. And there is this journal and we need to do something to overcome it. But if we don't, we continue to operate according to learn and according to john and that makes it difficult to interact with a person who does not know what the truth is, but things that he knows or to deal with a person who does not want to give you your rights and want to take

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everything from you.

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And we'll talk more inshallah about it and the laws Odin mentioned in the Quran in more than one area, that the state of friction between humanity that they do actually cause fitna to each other. So Allah azza wa jal says, or jalna Baba commonly believed in fitness of the spirit and we had made you fitna to others, the each way, you know, a group of among you or you will be fitting into another person and the other person will be fitting for you in what way and a lot of ways. Now, if they do hold on, they become fitness for you. Right? Or if they are on the straight path, but they're being tested, they are fitness for the non believers who will think if they are on the right

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path, they will not be tested. Like people will say today, if Muslims held or were holding to the truth, they will not be in a state that they are in right now. backward and being you know dominated. They would have power that means that Islam is not right that's fitna. For the non believers when they see Muslims like this. Or someone insults you, or attacks you that's fitna for you, or someone is richer than you or poorer than you. Or more handsome or uglier. That's fitna. How are you going to react to all of this? Will you hate them because they have what you do not have? Will you humiliate them because they have less than you? All of this is fitna, right. So in the end,

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the just one this is again a few words Allah as literally saying that you by your nature by the fact of you coming together, you actually become fitna for each other. Right.

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And there are some other if you know what Allah says, you know, you've raised your levels above above each other. And Allah as of Jun says, do not wish for what I've granted some, but did not grant you. So these is say that there is variety in what Allah has given. And when we come close to each other, and notice the differences, we start to cover it and envy and hate each other possibly, and mistreat each other. So coming together as human beings is not always easy, and it's difficult, and we need to know how to do it. So

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as a side note, is it better than to mingle with people or to isolate and separate

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Is it better this or better that so the first we have to recognize that we have two types of people

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I type of people that you cannot and you should not separate from, and the type of people that you could separate from easily. So what what do I mean by a type of people that you cannot and should not separate from you can you give me an example.

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Parents, no matter how trying and difficult it may be, he can just say I'm going to boycott my parents and leave. So you have a responsibility towards them, even if they're not Muslims, you still have responsibilities, you just can't simply separate from them. Or you have your spouse, your husband, your wife, you have your children

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and you have others around you right who need you so even though it's trying and difficult, you can just simply separate from them. There are others on the other hand that you can separate from them without your problem you know a friend you can just simply you know, exchange salon but you don't need to do more than that. Or you can move away and you would not have to see them at all You don't have no obligation towards them. So there are some people that you can separate from and separate some people that you cannot now is it better to mingle or not mingle with people the prophets a lot he was sent him settles this although you're going to see a say and see inshallah exceptions. But

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the prophets, a lot of us hit him settles this one, he says, and let me know whether you hurry to NASA. Where's the home? Hi, Roman, Allah de la jolla to know what is marijuana, Adam, he says, the moment who mingles with people and is patient with their harm is better than the moment who does not mingle with people and he is not patient with their harm. Meaning that you have an option, you mingle and you do not mingle. If you mingle with people, and you're patient with their heart, you are better than someone who decides that if I'm if I mingle, I can handle it. I can be patient, so I'm going to withdraw from society. I'm going to step away. So the prophets Allah sent me says the

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one who's patient is better than the one who is not patient. Why?

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And he's some of it should be obvious. inshallah, why is that, because if you mingle with people, and mingling with people, as we said, is a necessity.

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But if you mingle with them, and they harm you, and you're patient, Allah will reward you for that patience, right.

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And if you mingle with them, you can do a lot of good. And you can also get a lot of good.

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So if you if you,

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you're around people, you can command good and forbid evil. If you see them doing something wrong, you can ask them to stop. If you find that they're ignorant, you can teach them if you find that they need help, you can assist them. And sometimes some people could be a good influence on you all of that you will lose, if you separate yourself. You cannot advise, you cannot assist you cannot help. Yes, you will not be harmed. But at the same time you cannot be you're not going to receive that patience, or reward for that patience. So the Prophet sallallahu wasallam settles the matter by saying if you can mingle with them and be patient, it's better than if you stop mingling with them

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because of your impatience. There are exceptions.

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Where Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam says in one Hadith and this is describing a time of fitna, he says you should go in your corner, hi Romanian Muslim economy. It is it's about to be or that by the time is about to come where the best money that the Muslim will have is some cattle or some sheep that he's gonna take to hurt on top of the mountains or running away to save his religion from fitna.

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So it's telling us a lot he will tell them that at that time they will be fitna.

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So what is the best type of money or possessions that the Muslim at that time will have as the type of money that is, can be transported. So he can take those animals and he can go to a remote place and he can live? You know, off his animals separate from that fitness separate from the city where the city typically is that place where the fitness is going to be. So yeah, this is true, but this is restricted to a time of fitness. So when there is fitna

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temptation, and there is no way to save no way nowhere to change, except by removing yourself otherwise you will be tempted then you need to leave. Right. So that's the exception. That's not the norm. That's the exception when the fitna is overwhelming. But you can practice you can practice selective Islam, selective Islam. So what is this selective Islam meaning, rather than boycotting people altogether completely, you'd be selective in who you stay away from. So you stay away from certain bad places.

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You stay away from certain bad people. You stay away from settings where time is being wasted.

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So not that you boycott the person, but you interact with them. But if they're going to sit and waste time, then you separate and you do something else, or from you know, gatherings where foul language is being used. So that is selective separation or from the people of sin or from people a bit out when they're sitting on where they're committing Buddha. So that's how inshallah we can strike you know, you know, or take a moderate path between people who mingle without restraint. And on the other hand, people who just withdraw from everyone and everything, because if you withdraw, the downfall of this is that you yourself become weak and vulnerable. You cannot withdraw so much so

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that you don't stop coming to the masjid attending the jamara going to Hajj going to Amara, you cannot do this. So even if a person wants to be inclusive, there are limits to it, you still need to attend the gym, ah, you still need to check on your parents, you need still to take care of your spouse, your children, you still need to go and earn a living and spend on them that is better than the alternative, which is to be by yourself thinking that, by that you're saving yourself, yeah, you can stay away from the huddle. But be selective in that isolation. So going back now to what makes interacting with people and being around people so hard and so difficult, we said, first of all,

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ignorance and injustice. And that is the this is the default state of humanity. That is I am new, we are ignorant. And we are unjust, I do not know. But a lot of times they assume that I know. And that is for you go and you know, hold a poll and see how much people think

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they know about everything in life, you will be surprised that everybody thinks that they know enough about everything in life. They know enough about science, know about enough about politics know enough about the economy, etc, etc. That's why when we sit, we talk about everything, and we give an opinion about anything, including religion. Right, including, you know, how to fix the entire oma, you know, we all of us have opinions about all of this, because we assume that we know. And I say and the other part is that there is injustice. That Yes, I know. But I don't want to do I don't want to follow because it's not to my advantage. That is alone that allows them to have talks

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about the second thing. equality of humanity is a short read, as Eliza just says, What fidelity analysis shows that souls or humanity have this show and greed in them. What does that mean? means that it's both greed with stinginess, that is, I want but I don't want to give. I want to collect but I don't want to give. That's the general nature of humanity. And I when I say humanity, it means others and me.

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Because if you fail to notice that this is within us, then we can fix it. It's not just everybody is bad, but me know, we're all bad. And I need to overcome that sinfulness, that weakness in all of us. So sure,

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I want money. But I don't want to give it I don't want to donate, I don't want to assist anybody. But if when I need assistance, I deem it necessary that everybody should assist me. Like when I'm in trouble, everybody should pay attention to my problem, and everybody should help me. If somebody else later on encounters the same problem, I don't see that it is my obligation to go and help them somebody else will help. So I always want or looking for my advantage, but not the advantage of others. That's what Sure is. We see others faults, but we don't see our own.

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That's what made complicates be around being around human beings. We see our their faults, but we don't see our own. Why. Because we're not looking inward, we're looking outward. Like I'm looking at people's mistakes, scanning them, even though my mistakes are closer to me.

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And should be very familiar because I know them if they're happening more frequently, but I'm not concerned or I'm not interested in my own mistakes. I'm just looking at who did what.

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Look at what he's wearing. Look at the you know the word that he used look at what his kids look at his wives. So I'm examining I'm analyzing and I'm looking for faults and mistakes, but not at my own faults and mistakes.

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And we offer ourselves excuses, but we don't offer others that if I make a mistake, they say it's okay. You know, because of this because of this because of that. I understand my weakness. So I offer myself an excuse but if somebody else does exactly the same thing, I Kherson because I'm not looking to offer excuses. I'm looking to condemn and also realize a lot SLM says you've sort of had to come into data. If he if he wins. I'll do that for you.

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aney he says that one of you will notice a small piece of dirt like a sand in the eye of his brother, but neglects to see the teeth shrunk in his eye,

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like a trunk, like a big trunk, to trunk, a tree trunk in his eye, he says, You don't see this, which isn't a major disfigurement, if a person would have it, but you don't see it. But if there's a little bit of dirt, right on a person's eye, easy, you can notice that. So we don't see our faults, but we see other faults. So we're blind to our own mistakes. We're also are very quick to judge. So we don't offer excuses. So we're very, very quick to judge if somebody makes a mistake, we condemn immediately, we don't look at the background story, that he may have a reason for it. He may have asked Allah as urgent for forgiveness, etc, etc. But we like to criticize and the reason why we like

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to criticize is sometimes because we'd like to feel better about ourselves. So if I criticize this person, at least he's not better than me. He's a lot worse than, and we enjoy talking about other people. So we're quick to judge. And we don't offer excuses. And once we once we judge a person, we

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settle and we accept it.

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Although we don't treat ourselves like that, and we're exact and demanding when it comes to others, but not when our with ourselves if somebody is late, or we notice that he's late, and we asked him, Why are you late, or he breaks a promise, we ask so and so bra bra broke his promise, why is it that you broke your promise, but if I'm late, it's okay.

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Or if I break a promise, well, I had a reason. So I'm a perfectionist, not only myself, but with others. But when myself I'm very lenient, and it should be the opposite. It should be the opposite. I should be a perfectionist, as long as it's healthy, right with yourself, and lenient with others, right thinking and producing excuses for them. How do we deal with people? So insha Allah few thoughts that will help me in the last origin. So patience, first of all.

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So this is coming from the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam that I quoted yesterday. He's patient with their harm. That is, if you're going to be around people, and we said that, by default, people are what? You said that two states

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what is that where they are?

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They're stingy. Right as a result of the two basic states that a lot mentioned. What are they?

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there I've transgressors and ignorant. So if you're going to be around a person who is ignorant, and a transgressor, do you expect that you're going to have a pleasant time? Do you expect that they're not going to hurt you, you'd expect that you know, you're not some of your rights are not going to be taken from you know. So if you're around a person who is like that, even by the way, if that person is a Muslim, that state may not depart us completely. So if you're a provider, around a person who's like that, then you can count to some ignorance, and you're going to encounter some transgression. And so if you're not patient, or you're not going to be able to interact with people,

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so you have to be patient with that, and you have on what we're going to make you insha Allah, more able to become and be patient is to know that Allah is going to reward you for that patience.

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So like, like everything in life that you encounter that is displeasing to you, when you encounter some harm that is coming from people, somebody does not you know,

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does not keep his word, somebody is late, somebody takes money that is yours, tries to cheat you lies to you, calls you a name, this, this, this, all of that all that harm that is coming your way from other people, all that Allah will reward you for if you are patient, or at least at a minimum, Allah is taking away your sins. So there is benefit in it. So look at the benefit, not only the harm that is coming. Second of all, you should also expect it not only be patient with it, you should expect it and should not surprised you. On the one hand, you shouldn't expect the worst in people, especially if to confront them with the Oh yeah, you're going to make a promise, but you're going to

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break it. Are you going to steal from me? Are you going to do this? No. Are you are you going to talk bad bad about me behind my back, don't assume the worst. And definitely don't confront people with the worst because then they can adopt that feature. They're going to adopt that feature. manipuri, but the fantasy of said the home, if you go on investigating people, if you go on unsuspecting people, you're going to corrupt them, because they will know that you don't trust me. So that's not what I mean by expect, but expected in general, that you're going to receive ignorance and you're going to encounter it and you're going to receive transgression. Racism is a part of that

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too. racism that either comes out of it.

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A person who does not know or Islamophobia person who does not know much about Islam, so they're just repeating what somebody else says, or they know what the truth is. But they just simply hate Islam. Hate the truth, right? Those people existed at the time of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, and they still exist till today. So expect that you're going to receive this, people who are afraid,

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you're going to encounter those, or people who are not afraid, but they just simply hate that. You worship Allah and you follow Mohammed solace, and you're going to encounter that. So you should also expect it. And when you expect it, it'd be easier to deal with, it's not going to surprise you. And you're not and you should not encounter

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ignorance with ignorance and transgression with transgression. That's not its treatment, you do not eradicate ignorance by pouring more ignorance on it, or transgression volume by saying, I'm going to also do some bone. Allah as a surgeon never made that the remedy. Justice is always the remedy for it, that is when you want to treat

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injustice you had only used justice to, to fix it. If you you know, start dealing with injustice, you're also culpable, you're also guilty as well, and you have not fixed much. So that's what Damien said. He says some people in the face of injustice, sometimes they will rise with another injustice

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as sort of an exaggerated response is Allah does not champion those, even though initially they were wronged and they were victims. But when they arise with an opposite injustice, Allah does not champion that until you actually just embrace justice. The third thing is forgiveness.

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When you receive and that is should be the initial response. Until forgiveness is not possible anymore, right?

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But forgiveness should be the initial response and what is going to motivate forgiveness.

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is the belief or the hope that when I forgive who is going to forgive me?

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Allah azza wa jal. So you operate with that mindset is that if I'm unforgiving?

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Allah may be unforgiving with me, is as you treat Allah's creation, Allah shall treat you.

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So that's the example for instance of the man that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam mentioned, who was from Ben, we saw he with the children of Israel, and he's describing as not being, or not doing a whole lot of good against him. In fact, he mentioned he did not do any good. Well, can you hide it on us, but he used to mingle with people, and he used to loan the money. But when somebody is unable to pay back, he says, unless he says, Let him be, or he forgives it. He says, perhaps God will forgive me.

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But he didn't do anything else.

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So when he died, he met Allah as origin. And Allah asked him, Why did you forgive people's debt when you gave it to them? He said, because I was hoping that you're gonna forgive me. So he says, I am more generous than you. So Pamela, he says, I am more generous than you, you are forgiven. So this is the good duck, the major good that he did in his life was what he forgave people in the hope that allow are forgiven. So you may have someone in your life who's just giving you hell, right. But if you continue to forgive, and I'm saying that as long as forgiveness is possible, and it's in its proper place, if you continue to forgive, and it's possible that Allah will forgive you because of

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that forgiveness. So you remember, if you want a lot to forgive you, you should also practice forgiveness. And maybe also associated and linked with this is whenever you want to change your reality. And this is something that we said throughout. And I think in all of the lectures in this series, repentant, ask Allah for forgiveness, because it's also sin that gives people power against us.

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The power against us, and us sometimes being perplexed and not knowing what to do about it. Sometimes it's the effect of sin. So when you repent and ask Allah for forgiveness and you adhere to taqwa, slowly Allah will change that reality either by taking that aggressor away or by showing you an exit out

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by in a sense, somehow planning for you or we can use the word plotting for you. And the story of use of allihies salaam is a good example. they plotted against him and did he seek vengeance By the way, use of

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no use of did not seek any vengeance. But he received all of this with taqwa and love plotted for him gallica Kidner the use of Allah plotted he did not need to plot

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somebody sometimes you sit and say okay, what can I do?

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do two ply you know to get that other person

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to, to like trap him to do this to to attack him do whatever right because you feel hurt but if you adhere to Tacoma adhere to justice. Yeah get your rights but adhere to tuffle adhere to justice. It may be that Allah zolo poetry, you don't need to busy yourself with plotting, Allah will take and bring your right right to your door. So that's a possibility forgiveness

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linked to this also kindness in the face of unkindness. And that should be the initial response. And continue to do this until you see or you know, that it's just it's not bringing any results at all. You give up like the prophets of Allah, Allah wa salam and no one is asking you to be as patient as a prophet, but this is how the prophets of Allah Allah, humans, Salama Jemaine, they start their dour, being kind and gentle and merciful, and all of this until they reach a stage where they think, and they know that there's no use anymore. That's it, then the punishment of Allah does sense. But after you've given a time, right, after the other person has no excuse anymore, they could change.

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But now, they willingly chose not to change. So kindness, and that is salt, it will surprise you, you can change a situation defuse it change the character of the other person that you're complaining about, by simply being kind and consistently kind in actions and in words, it fallibility he has a new senior, right, that is repel or reciprocate unkindness evil with kindness,

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then you will see that that person who is or wants to be your foreign enemy, becomes in turns into your friend. So you can change any be in the law, any situation and we're talking about any relationship, if you're wise enough to know that my response is going to determine what's going to happen not only in the next five and 10 minutes, but hour, a week and a year from now, what I choose to say right now, what I choose to do right now is going to determine the next course of action, the next the next word that is going to come out of his mouth and her mouth, you have control.

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So kindness wins insha Allah with most people unless that person is you know, hopeless and there is no good left in them. That's another thing

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overlooking mistakes and that is an important part of good character. Lima Mohammed Rahim Allah He said this to our shot, he has no quality fit takaful, he says nine 10th of having good character is an overlooking mistakes.

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You know, sometimes you can overlook some mistakes. And you know, it's not the end of the world. If you do it. Sometimes the food is not cooked very good. Sometimes a person says that something and you can pretend

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00:33:06--> 00:33:27

for for the best for the week sort of did to get the best outcome. short term and long term. I did not hear that. I didn't hear this. Okay. Because it may be like a, an odd thing that was said. And that person did not mean it. I don't want to highlight that thing. So you may pretend I didn't hear it. Or I did not see that thing.

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In the hope that overlooking someone's mistakes, will encourage them to do the right thing. If on the other hand, it doesn't need to point out what that mistake was. So it does not repeat. But at the heart full

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is a beautiful thing. Not that whenever you see a mistake, a small mistake, you catch a person you said you didn't do this, and you didn't do that.

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Again, thinking or demanding perfection. And someone who did this was at a sort of life of the law to send them sort of overlooking people's mistakes, overlooking their weaknesses, and taking what they can do, especially in matters related to the dounia. In religion, it was different, but matters related to the dunya related to his own rights, what he needed. The Prophet sallallahu wasallam struck the best of examples. And this is when you know and so nomadic says that he he volunteered his mother brought him and volunteered to serve the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam help him at home with this thing and that thing outside his house with this and that thing, he says so I have

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served the messenger sallallahu Sallam he says 10 years and I said this hadith before. He says he did never when he commanded me or asked me to do something, and I was lazy. I deleted it. So I didn't do it

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on time, or I just simply didn't do it. But yeah, to who? You know, I did it wrong. He never blamed me.

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never blame me. If I was late. He never blamed me.

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And if I did not do it right, he did not blame me. If I learned how to elevate if one of his household started to blame me because of the mistake that I did, he says that Oh, he says, Let him be fellow kurata can if it was destined, it would have been, let him be, right. So just consider how easygoing he was sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Now, consider, he didn't have to write the volunteer and said, I want to serve you. And I knew for instance, we can be patient, if we know that other people are observing us. If I want people to call me patient, and I'm under the public eye, or in the public eye, I can be very, very patient. Why? Because everybody's watching me. So I don't want

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them to say that I'm impatient. I can be very sweet and very patient, but this is inside his home. Right? This is when you know, all you know, all the art, you know, artificial pretending, comes down.

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And you're yourself. And how long did you serve? In?

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What 10 years, I can be nice to you a day or two a week or two, but a year or two years, three years, four years. That's it. You're one of the household. Right?

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And he said he never blamed me. That is he was overlooking his mistakes. Because he knew he did his best, this is what he can. And this is something that I think only are sort of lies a lot he was lm can do. I do not think anyone. I could be mistaken. But anyone other than Mohammed Salim SLM could do something like this, but he is an example. So overlooking those mistakes, is actually part of good character and will make living with other people easier, rather than demanding and we come to a demanding or expecting perfection. If you want people to be perfect,

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doing everything on time doing everything right, then you're supposed to be like that as well.

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All right, that if I want perfection, shouldn't I be perfect. And if I imperfect shouldn't also I expect that imperfection from paintball as well. That's only just right.

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Another thing is that it's just dunia that is when it is related when matter is only related to the dunya. If dunya is insignificant in our eyes, then the problem will be insignificant. So Rasul Allah is a lot a synonym, when he would be angry when he would be angry in matters related to religion or to this world religion, because the dunya was insignificant in his eyes. So if the dunya and if you think about it, just money, just money.

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It's just a matter of being late five or 10. And I'm not encouraging people to be late or to waste money. But if somebody does it, rather than getting angry, if you think about it, this is just dunia, then you're not going to be angry. Right? Rather than competing with others. To get more of this dounia. You say if this is just the dounia that is fleeting, you're not going to be angry. So if it's just dunya, it's not going to angry.

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ask Allah azza wa jal also for good character, and ask it for other people as well. So if it's hard to deal with other people ask Allah as though to make it easy by giving you personal holyoake giving you patience, giving you insight and wisdom so that he can see excuses when people have excuses, or offer it to them when you cannot see an excuse. And asked a lot as though to improve somebody's character, if somebody around you, and they're terrible, that rather than give up on them, ask Allah Zoda, to fix them, to give them patience to give them etc, etc, etc, whatever it is that they do not have. Number eight separate from the ignorant.

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So remember, I talked about the selective separation separates from the ignorant so you do not absorb their features, you don't absorb their quality, you don't absorb their impatience. And it does not mean that you if the ignorant happens to be a family member, that you need to separate from them completely, but separate from their ignorance. So if they speak ignorantly, you don't reply with ignorance, if they sit in a place in a gathering, when they're going to be engaging in falsehood, inherent, you separate from that, but then you selectively engage with them selectively engage with them by saying Salam Alikum walaikum salam, offer them greetings for aid, giving them

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gifts etc, where you control what is happening. So this way you can attempt to change them and you did not separate from them completely and at the same time you protected yourself from whatever they have that is ignorant and may influence you. And only trust those who need to be trusted. surround your people with around yourself with those who are trustworthy and will teach you to be people

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And teach you to be trustworthy so you'll be selective for tomorrow Allah Dini Lila so a person will follow the religion and also the character of the people that he mingles with and he's around all the time, and your secrets.

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Keep them as much as you can to yourself. Don't share your secrets with others, especially related to your household with everybody, especially if you don't know them. Because if you cannot keep your secret, as they said, Don't blame others if they can't keep yours. Right. So if you have something that you don't want it to spread, keep it to yourself. If you need consultation, consult those who will keep your secrets in a vault and will never divulge it. And the last thing inshallah that we say before we come to negative is have to work hard on Allah azzawajal and taqwa in dealing with people is sometimes it's hard and difficult, and you don't know what to do. But if you have to work

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cold and you have Taqwa, Allah as the jury will continue to guide you, Allah azza wa jal will defend you. Allah subhanho wa Taala will protect you from people's harm and their plot and their evil words. And even when it happens, if you are connected to Allah and you're very close to him, Allah will give you the patience and wisdom to be able to tolerate what they're saying and turn it around. So hamdulillah I hope that some of this was useful. And again in sha Allah, I mean, I do need your feedback. So let me know if I've missed something. ask Allah azza wa jal that Allah will teach us how to deal with people, no matter who they are, no matter how difficult they are, and will make us

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an instrument in fixing people. And this is inshallah the conclusion of this series we're going to take a break in sha Allah for a couple of weeks. The next halaqa insha Allah with the topic will be announced in sha Allah once that is decided. There's a common law here on szczepanik alaba ham deck, a shadow named I indent this stuff it'll go into boiling