The Ingredients To A Successful Marriage

Alaa Elsayed


Channel: Alaa Elsayed

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The host discusses the importance of finding a partner who is both a woman and a man, as well as finding a stylist who suits a woman's needs. The importance of finding a stylist who can relate to her spouse's needs is emphasized, along with avoiding prescripted behavior and finding a suitable match. The speaker also emphasizes the need for a stylist-led approach to events, as well as the importance of finding a stylist who suits a woman's needs.

Transcript ©

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And welcome to what we call home sweet home. Really originally, this is a course that I teach whenever we go in the sixth continent, but obviously it's copyrighted so I can add the whole thing. But it will be more of a summary or most important components will use some of the material and the Sharla will be done in its own.

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However, I will give you the most important parts of it, retaining to the audience that I see in front of me, and it's pretty much the most important steps to have a happy marriage. And you heard some of it last night, who was there last night?

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I'm not sure.

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All right, who's married,

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who's not married?

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Okay, the brothers are not married.

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I want the brothers that are married, go give him a hug.

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So basically, Java, the idea behind it is the user three tells three tells method, which simply means that tell them what you're going to tell them, then tell them then tell them what to do.

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Today, Java will talk about the most important parts, which is choosing the spouse.

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The second part?

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The second part, the first one.

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So the really the most important part is, as I mentioned, before being proactive.

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So we'll talk about the characteristics of your spouse, and what it leads to it. And we're also going to talk about when you find the righteous spouse and shove up, what are the etiquettes of getting married summary and some of the students which are a lot that we should be reminded of the most of us don't know. And then we're going to talk about

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this iframe barrier, or that language between the two genders, which I think most of us don't know how to read yet. So once we have that, inshallah it'll be the bedrock of this beautiful marriage Charla and in the end, as my dear brother mentioned, we will have a recap of what we say. And we have it in a form of competition. So the competition between the brothers and sisters in the format of questions and answers. So I will be asking you about what we talked about, just in case. So this is now tell them what you told in a form of a to make sure that you understood what we talked about. And I will of course, take on your questions and I'll take it on and the two forms. If you have a

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piece of paper and pencil others around, you can write down the questions and whatever pertains to what we talked about. I prefer, please. So let's stick to the topic for now. If I did not answer your question as we go along, write it down as you go along. And I will get in the end of a module. You don't want to write it down, you can simply raise your hand and ask the question and we'll take it from there. Okay, any questions so far? We're good.

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the first thing obviously I'd like to hear from you is what are your expectations? Why are you here today?

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I usually like to start with the sisters first. Why do you think

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my husband is driving me nuts? Are you a good design line? It's a time for me just to get away from Home

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Depot hidden behind anything. Why don't you What are you expecting from this workshop

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Mashallah to be an IO Muslim wife, Mashallah. Very good. Brothers. Why are you here, man? I just want to get married man that really

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Why are you here? But

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what do you want to learn?

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To get some strategies to help have a better marriage to get over obstacles?

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To get over hurdles or obstacles to find solutions. There are remedies and they also think

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at least I need to know why you weren't here. It's there. But the second thing is what I'm expecting from you.

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I'm expecting from you to get your license.

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What I mean by that is very simple. In this country, in order for you to drive a car, you need to go get a book, the right study, then get tested, you have to pass it, then do that road test right here in Australia also,

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can you imagine you have to take a course, a book, read it, understand it, you tested, pass it before you even get behind the wheel to be tested on the road.

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You imagine taking

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control of a family making the most important decision in your life, without knowing what you're doing.

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That's how serious this is.

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Sometimes I get some, a couple of my office that are so enthusiastic their uncle, we want to get married.

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Two months later, I want to get divorced. And I want to get

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versus dad to do that later on this I don't. And I asked him why he says we have no idea what they were going into. So in another city that I was in before, so we had a mandatory course. And that's where this started really in another country, another city. Because we had so many issues, marital issues in the community. So we talked to the moms and said, Let's not put out fires, let's be proactive, this what it really is being a proactive approach to happy family. So we came up with this process, and handler was on TV, the DVDs and so on. And we had to make sure that these people pass the test in order for them to get the marriage license. Now one of the mountains that were

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actually confirmed this idea that we'll be able to marry any of them are the resistors, unless they actually go through this course, understanding exactly what they're supposed to do, what they're not supposed to do, and then move on.

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So this is what I'm expecting you to do, at least for today, to have an idea what you're going into. So phase number one,

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choosing your spouse,

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and this letter called checkmate,

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But before I go into it, I'm going to give you a case study, case study, which I will say a scenario, and then I will break it off for you. I want to make sure that at least you understand that this brother got my favorite drink already.

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it's legal.

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Australia Rocksmith.

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So I'm going to read down a scenario, which is a worst

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case study. And from there, I'm going to ask you to break up in groups. And I'll give you about five to seven minutes, then I will need a spokesperson from each group to give me what they learned from it, what they think, and what are the solutions and why this happened. And in Java, you can be part of the solution to the problem.

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And the objectives, obviously, is these two conditions, we are going to look forward to husbands and also the four conditions of the wife. And there are other factors that you need to know is not just what we talked about last night, there's more, for example, the compatibility and we'll talk about what compatibility is. And then we'll talk about the back home syndrome to go back home or not to go back home. That is the question and doesn't work does not work, what are the ratios and so on from the experience. And then we'll talk about the four point methods impossible for you to make that very important decision in life without knowing the four point methods that we'll talk about that

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hopefully in child well, that will be the defining factor for you to say yes or no, not because she's got googly eyes and all that stuff.

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Now, case study number one.

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I'm going to ask you a question before I go into this case study.

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What do you think that I mentioned last night you were listening?

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What is the number one Hack number one write for your children upon you before you even

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there before they're born?

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Okay, good.

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Listening very good at choosing the righteous spouse. That's how important it is. But you will see there's a lot more rights before they're born their rights before they're born and their rights after they're born. We'll cover everything but at least we'll cover the most important show. So the case study, I'm going to read up for you.

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My name Khadija we're having coffee Marian says it was so embarrassing. Yesterday a teacher asked me what was so embarrassing. Marian started telling her the last night her mom said to her It is time for you to get married. Your mom

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asked her, who was it? She was looking for amongst friends. So she was looking among that cousins in the family. Her mom also mentioned a wealthy family friend, who were looking for the bride bride for their son. A DJ asked of her mom mentioned anything about their Deen. And if they prayed, my hamstrings shrugged and the question off by saying, Dean and ring is not important. It can come later as well. We, as we get older, she mentioned what is important at this stage and this attraction and financial stability, but he's just confused. And she comes to you for advice. What would you say to Khadija

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nutshell, Khadija is looking for a husband. She's gotten the mom saying you know what, these are the cars. This is the guy with the looks and the money is not important and all this stuff nowadays is confused. The teacher comes to you, what would you say to Khadija same with you? So from hot you have about five to seven minutes I can ask maybe

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each row fair enough each row to become a group or if not then you can turn around one group and then you can discuss it one spokesperson shall have each group to decide what would you tell her the same thing I think you can either take one row at a time or a one row turnaround

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We look for what

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what is

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the issue or the deal. I want to say

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Hey guys,

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what's up?

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You know, I certainly hope that

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tonight I

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hope you were talking about deja Java. Okay. So you've heard the case that's put in front of you. And now, I want you to really think that Khadija has come to you confused, she doesn't know what to do.

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Now, any of the groups from the sisters like

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if you're the one of which was that deja vu, what would you tell her any group is ready to go?

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he does go for the money

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that finance and looks to change his mind.

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To do something upon.

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You know, Gina stuff is a foundation.

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It means about the woman that she can be chosen for five things.

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I think we

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take on Alabama, appliances.

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Very good sisters. They got pretty much said that, you know, this stuff is temporary, but we'll find out. Is it really temporary? Is it important? Yes. I'll tell you later. But what I'm doing right now is just raising flags, I want you to think about it. And I'm going to, you know, you ask yourself the same question. I don't have time to go through it. But if we ask the same question again, after you learn, well, after we go through the module, so ask you the same question. Here's what your initial answer is. And I wanted to ask you the same question. Again, we should ask yourself the same question again, after you learn what you learn and see what your answers should be. There are

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certain things that are practical, for example, you'll find out these are things that are important, you may not be important for you as a fantasy man. But in real life, they are important. So we'll talk about that. Okay, but thank you very much.

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Indeed, so so that you don't go for temporary stuff like books on finance, you look at more of the religious aspect and so on. So with any of the brothers when I'm done

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six points.

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The first one was

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a mistake, what was the

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second one was

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the first one was where does it both come from?

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The fourth point was the

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fifth one was

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I guess he does get married to him for his wife. And the

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last one was

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a very,

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very good, so some sort of commonality here. But they actually went a little bit ahead of me and he talked about one of the four points before we make a decision was was the Hata which is very impressive. He actually brought that up very good. So we'll talk about that in the end. He said the whole the whole point method cannot make your decision unless and until you make these four points and shall love if you have it under your belt. Awesome. So he went a little deeper executive love him very good. Anybody else want to add anything that is not heard yet?

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Okay, go into

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financial situation.

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So basically, in

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your layout.

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You heard the brother so this is really the

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The aim

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is to

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add assistance from a source that you did not expect, will give you a way of many hearts, the difficulties that you're going to go through very good.

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I mean, there are verses there that actually says if you know, if here's

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the last part of data we need, we'll give him sustenance, a lot of promises, three types of people that will be given provisions. One of them is the one that get married. If you want to get married, a loved one to Allah promises with you have the right intention will get you the money. The second thing is that the third is obviously performance. So keep that in mind. Very good. So let's go through now the the the,

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the prophet Mohammed Salim says, Man, jack and jack.

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Another one is

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thank you the

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meaning of those who come to you ask me your daughter's hand in marriage that have the whole of the behavior, moral conduct, and religious background and other duration and trustworthiness. Give them your your daughter's hand in marriage, otherwise it will be great trial, this GIF upon the earth. This is

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what the MIDI, what happened has an instant sound, traditional job. So this is one thing that Prophet Mohammed sauce Allah has given us for the sister to look for in a husband. And we explained it briefly Why Why is it so important, but I want to touch upon something that I didn't touch upon

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with a lot of sub panel data about the saw that he does righteousness, righteousness, those Righteous Among the men, it is a criteria of human dimension that if you times enough number, add those righteous for the righteous and so on. They were even dumped for even prophets and messengers to be righteous. So it has to have the background of the righteousness in order for you to say yes to this man. Among the other issues that we need to talk about is that

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when a man has this whole flock, as you mentioned, a woman is full of emotions, that you have to know how to deal with that. We

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can build our real Yeah. And Joshua. There was an innovation that one time they're coming back from the caravan. And women were

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above that camels. And Joshua had a beautiful voice among the Sahaba. Delano. And he started to sing. And then she had an issue.

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So the camel started to suede.

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beautiful voice. So now lumen started to complain because there was a rough ride. So Prophet Mohammed Salah told and Joshua refund bill our real Yeah. And Joshua carries on the

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glass bottle meaning one fragile shatters, this is a woman that emotions that you think. So we'll talk about the language leader in Java. But let's go through the criterias. First, I certainly believe that choosing a spouse is number one on the list of successful marriage, because that is a proactive approach, as opposed to find out later. Like, yes, no changes, you'll change. And we'll talk about change later. If we have a chance, but do we really change? No, you're right.

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However, there are certain things that we'll talk about that that of you this bag that comes with things that can be changed, and things that cannot be changed. This is a built in.

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Now when it comes to that emotions itself, why, why a flap is so important. Why the Prophet Mohammed Salah put so much emphasis, especially for men.

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Because we're rough, tough, as you'll see later how we're built.

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That Prophet Mohammed sauce

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is sufficient for us to know that we have to work on a flat brother especially. You're not off the hook yet, but I'm just talking now because

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they have luck. He said Professor acaba who

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have become a like the closest of you, to me, my heart, the most beloved amongst you, to me, and the closest to me in gender, who

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the best of you matters and condoms. So actually, if you want to be close to Prophet Mohammed Salah in gentlemen, and you want to be the dear beloved to Robert masala Walker, not a flap a flap in matters of the conduct and behavior. So you cannot be dealing with her like you deal with your,

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your buddy.

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It's coming with the language

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in that importance of love Also, I want to make sure that you understand the reason for the event that occurred and some of the duration

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and some of it says

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If love is more important than the acts of worship, why? If you go back and do the verses that combine the data, you'll find out that the love in verse

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rather than on email is, he mentioned the both versus both of love and a better one verse he mentioned that he bought the first property.

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But with a lot of data, combine them in the same verse.

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It could be a flappers, a loves

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alone, which I think was the middle, that's probably the

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first instance this

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sigma will use a key first.

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And then use a key in this case, because

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will allow us to talk about it until

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you find out this use a key while you are a little bit about first so here are the matters, and then the book in the sooner

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because if you don't have it, you'll see what happens.

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Go to the Pillars of Islam,

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go to the evidence section of the five pillars. Let's take a nap Salah first.

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Good to the Quran, Allah says we're in the sala de

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tener. And in fact,

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it's true. Indeed, Allah will warn you off to do evil deeds

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and transgression acts. So we say this is a better, so why is it bad? What is the outcome of

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the Aflac? Yes. So the purpose of this was to keep you in line. And if I talk about that, in another lecture, when Prophet Muhammad SAW some saw righteous, people complain about him. He says he drinks or he does not use his dad who did not select that was leaving his prayer will warn him off, we'll get back on track.

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So I want to give you something in the end as an example that you'll never forget to follow. But let's continue. What about the zeca holdeman m y?

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Yes. Y to the key correct. For Pfizer, this here this gives an EPS again purifies is almost at the heart. So that

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is the outcome that you don't hoard this money. You become more djawadi generous Kareem lackey senior

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What about some? Yeah you under

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the hood so what is the act of worship? So what is the what is the reason? Dakota was what a flat

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a flat

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now what about harsh

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it has where everyone is there at the same time. I'm sure the weather is good to heart. You know what I'm talking about. You have this human chain right

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in front of you do just bulldoze right

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now you have to restrain

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not even beginning of any intimate relations, no quarrels. Yeah, patience, even though this is the importance of that.

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Now to put it all in a nutshell,

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Prophet Mohammed Salim says in the memory.

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I wanted the reason that he was sent for what to perfect the moral conduct. That's how important it is this moral conduct. What about that woman that was heavier than a Medina, she was known amongst the Sahaba in Medina, and Medina is the cream of the crop, the best of the best. Imagine you being in amongst the Sahaba, Delano, Spain and your famous mother Sahaba. She used to do a lot of

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a lot of staying up at night. But when Prophet Mohammed bin Salman heard that she was going to harm her. She harms her neighbors, what did she say? What did he say? It's a patient.

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He says left and now

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is no good at her. She's in the Hellfire, we say the scholars agree that it's not permanent, because she's

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not going to get out.

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But at least we know that she was not off the hook. Why? Because she did not understand the reason for that. She was doing what exercise, you understand. So the moral conduct comes in this is the outcome, this is what you should be your goal coming out. So now instead of the brothers just having the you know,

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and all that stuff, but they have terrible that

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no one should have the best of the best of actions and deeds of the ladder and reflect that into it. The last example I'm going to give you because it's that important.

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I want you to think about

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The rebounder has a name

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that has a name.

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And it has a picture.

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And it has an outcome or a goal.

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So for example, the

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salon, the salon, has that mean is a seller. Remember this fella, and it has a picture, here's what you do.

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And it has an outcome, what is the outcome, then?

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Words of evil

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and transmission x. To put it in a nutshell, I want you to think on the other side. Now worldly means you're going to take your son, your daughter to the zoo tomorrow, okay? Honey is the first time

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I'm going to take you to the zoo. So we're going to see a lion. So the lion has that name in it. And you draw a little calf with a little more hair because you can draw a line. And this is a picture of the lion. But he didn't tell her or tell your son that what the lion does. Do you take him you take your child to the zoo, the following day. And then the zookeeper forgot to lock the gates.

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Look at you lunch.

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Come closer.

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When we do the lightning.

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And then all of a sudden, he goes, Hey,

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it pushes the gate. And now the line is free. The question is who will run first you or your child?

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You You're right. Why? Because you know what the mind is capable of and what the line does? Your child doesn't know yet. But oh.

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So they understand that you have to understand the flap is the reason for that event. And that's how important it is can put enough emphasis on the

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other things which are

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briefly on the on the tube.

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Is that

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the background

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we talked about briefly, according to woman madhhab, as we mentioned before that if you don't pray according to him, you're not a Muslim. So I want you to think about it. Even though you have a contract in your hand.

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That is decidable, a lawyer that matters.

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What does that mean? That every time you have an intimate relationship, it's written out as a zinger. You're you're committing adultery. What about the children? Can you imagine how this when the child will come and grab the necklaces? I have an illegitimate child that's how serious decision

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if the man doesn't break, if he doesn't fear a lot? Will he fear love dealing with him?

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If he doesn't listen to the commands of Allah subhanaw taala to brave. You mentioned, why is prayer so important?

00:32:59--> 00:33:03

Why is the only rebellion, the only rebellion?

00:33:04--> 00:33:22

That is a physical reminder that no one will be able to make up for you after you die. That's the only airbender that no one will be able to make up for you after you die. That means if you like somebody can make a patch for you. Right? Yes. Somebody can be set up on your behalf. It makes Oh yes.

00:33:24--> 00:33:26

But Can somebody pray on your behalf? No.

00:33:28--> 00:33:30

Robert Mohammed says that

00:33:31--> 00:33:38

the difference between us and those who disbelieve is what Salah when I was a child I mentioned masala

00:33:40--> 00:33:54

what would you hear in soccer and soccer is lower than Johanna Jonathan's higher level but she's a latest. By the time we go down one ranked 70 times hotter by the way home Donna Jax in heaven and overcast now

00:33:55--> 00:33:58

the lower you go the most difficult or harder it is

00:33:59--> 00:34:07

so now allows this Master kabukiza what put you into what was the first number one that was number one answer.

00:34:09--> 00:34:11

Mina masala lien a lot of Aqua

00:34:12--> 00:34:14

akumina Muslim Lee mousseline.

00:34:15--> 00:34:35

We will not among those who pray. And again, it's not our topic for prayer, but it is fit into the religious background. I know there are differences of opinions on this topic, but I'm giving you a He is pleased when they come to the office. I've been doing counseling for over 20 years. I mentioned it before, when the sister comes in, this is my he does this he does that.

00:34:37--> 00:34:41

How is his religion? Not he doesn't have 100 members. Why did you say yes to this guy?

00:34:43--> 00:34:59

And I mentioned you know you see this rain, right? You see this hair? And I know I know what the when I asked, okay, what are you looking for? And by the way, this the proof of this is that verse 16 chapter 16 verses number 10 and

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

They're not believing

00:35:03--> 00:35:10

they're not married. And this this will even men. That's according to what I understand there's difference, but I mean, don't take a chance.

00:35:14--> 00:35:15

So, in this

00:35:17--> 00:35:20

topic I want to talk about just enough Realty.

00:35:21--> 00:35:24

I know, I know that you want this

00:35:26--> 00:35:29

guy that's on the Harlequin cover, right?

00:35:30--> 00:35:32

You've seen these movies. I don't want

00:35:36--> 00:35:44

to be watching that stuff, right? So you've seen this guy with the long hair, right? You've seen that guy with effects.

00:35:48--> 00:35:50

That's what you want. I know that.

00:35:52--> 00:35:59

Before that, the wife that asked for the white horse. It's true. I've seen with my own eyes. I was there. The guy had to go on white horse.

00:36:06--> 00:36:07


00:36:08--> 00:36:20

Anyway, so without further ado, please understand that we know of that you have this fantasy guy, right? Because you've been watching this.

00:36:21--> 00:36:22

What did the movie

00:36:37--> 00:36:46

you've been watching this indian movie, right? What happens? That has to be a boy or girl. Girl, US boy. I'm Father.

00:36:47--> 00:36:53

The villain. No, you can't marry this man. Because you're reserved you for your guns.

00:36:54--> 00:36:57

Whatever. And then what happens?

00:36:59--> 00:37:05

The loop and all of a sudden the director get you so involved in that in the movie, you're cheering for the girl you will

00:37:07--> 00:37:07

run away from them.

00:37:12--> 00:37:13

You're cheering for her.

00:37:18--> 00:37:37

And all of a sudden what happens? The meet each other in the middle of nowhere. Right? And behind absolutely nothing. It was clear skies. It has to rain because it makes it more effective. The rain falls. And again, all of a sudden a tree comes in the center and behind the tree people dancing.

00:37:43--> 00:37:47

Want this this what you want, you want this love story?

00:37:48--> 00:37:49

and all that stuff.

00:37:50--> 00:37:55

And of course you want that guy on the whiteboard. But of course the movie comes out in this location. So the guys coming.

00:38:02--> 00:38:05

These come down from Mars and luthy. Right, you won't find this guy.

00:38:14--> 00:38:36

So I guess the last thing I will talk about for the sisters, there's something called that building of dreams, the building of dreams. And this building was specifically there for a reason. So the first floor for for the sisters, it says that there is a man in this floor that wants to get married.

00:38:39--> 00:38:47

But just before she enters next to the elevator, there's a sign that says on the second floor there's a man that wants to get married and he's good looking.

00:38:51--> 00:39:00

floor for sure. So I go set the floor just before I enter next again to the side. There's a man that wants to get married and rich.

00:39:04--> 00:39:10

And then again the fourth floor man wants to get married is good looking. He's rich, but he's sensitive.

00:39:23--> 00:39:24

Wants children and older.

00:39:26--> 00:39:33

And all of a sudden he goes to the penthouse and says this floor was designated to prove that sisters will not stop looking for a better

00:39:40--> 00:39:40


00:39:46--> 00:39:46

What else?

00:39:49--> 00:39:55

What else is there? Yes. means these are important because we talked about it. What is number one reason for divorce

00:39:57--> 00:39:57


00:39:59--> 00:39:59


00:40:00--> 00:40:04

The number one reason for divorce is lack of money.

00:40:06--> 00:40:08

You know, because the first your love, right?

00:40:15--> 00:40:23

And after a while, you know, you can live on love alone. So your tummy goes feed me. So get up man.

00:40:30--> 00:40:32

So, finance is important.

00:40:36--> 00:40:38

Okay, so look is

00:40:39--> 00:40:46

in significant for the lack of better principles for translation, there has no money. Okay, so brothers

00:40:48--> 00:40:51

those who have the means among the means is money that you hear a lot.

00:40:53--> 00:40:53

The other

00:40:54--> 00:41:20

appears you have that right? You have the right to have a good looking guy, or at least that pleases you. You have that right, believe it or not, it's there. And also fertility. Why the scholars actually say among other factors or fertility, how do you know it's not like I go tricking but destiny. I'm just saying the family of that family is known to have a normal fertility history.

00:41:21--> 00:41:30

Or the man that was married before that is known that he has kids. They have that right. Because otherwise, if it works the other way around, he has the right to marry.

00:41:34--> 00:41:36

So before I leave, so I can run.

00:41:39--> 00:41:47

The only way if you have children, you have to divorce and marry another man see, so it's your right to make sure and piety of course as we talked about.

00:41:52--> 00:42:16

He says I have to two people come in for my asking Jesus that they give it to the one that has done if he loves her, he will a Croma ha he will be generous unkind to her and if he doesn't he will not oppress her at least you will treat her with fairies and shovels and again probably Hamas also loves to Amanda came I have to again to

00:42:18--> 00:42:26

two men the common to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage one is poor one is rich. He said which one he says I hadn't how I

00:42:27--> 00:42:35

word this word is our heart belong What does your heart belong into the four is in me yet the truth so watch

00:42:36--> 00:43:03

the read the illness, the cure for this illness of love marry her to the poor? See? So that's also it's there. I'm not going to ask you to leverage more Java, but when we hear the avenues that Jim last night, which is I mean, right? I mean, strength is not just physically have the strength in psychological, intellectual, financial, religious, all that strength in a man.

00:43:04--> 00:43:30

I mean, we know that you can trust your life with him mostly. Can this man lead you to gender inshallah? Or is he the one that leaves you out of gender we're the only one that will fire this man you have to have an Amana You are a man he has to be a mean has to be trustworthy, trustworthy when it comes to that job. Now this is that first segment just talking to the system. We may go over a little bit We'll see.

00:43:32--> 00:43:48

But I will leave you with the solutions. This is the first portion of that second the first half I will talk about the second time but before I go let us recap let's recap in the form of a questions and answers. The competition is going to be a game between the brothers and the sisters.

00:43:50--> 00:43:59

Do we have the ending yet? No. Okay, I will give me an all you think. But inshallah hopefully we can have something for you in the end. The

00:44:00--> 00:44:01


00:44:04--> 00:44:11

what are the criterias Give me just one one criteria for a husband

00:44:12--> 00:44:14

that you should look for

00:44:16--> 00:44:25

prayers prayers very good. What else is there a flap Mashallah, there were other factors that mentioned anything of Mashallah.

00:44:26--> 00:44:28

No problem? Yes.

00:44:30--> 00:44:32

Okay, that's coming on the other side. But that's okay.

00:44:50--> 00:44:54

Mama, Mashallah. Very good. Good treatment, the lesson trustworthiness

00:45:00--> 00:45:09

martial law. Very good. All right, so let's call it a tie break this now we're tight. Now I have to have a tiger easy. This is like a segment now, the tiebreaker rule is very simple.

00:45:11--> 00:45:12

I will say a question.

00:45:14--> 00:45:17

The first hand that is raised, I will stop.

00:45:19--> 00:45:25

Brothers, they now own that question, you have to answer the question according to what you heard, I will not complete the question.

00:45:26--> 00:45:36

So, if you answer the question, correct, you and your team win. But if you give me the wrong answer, the other team wins by default. So, you may get a beautiful

00:45:37--> 00:45:39

So, here's the question.

00:45:41--> 00:45:42

Here's a push.

00:45:44--> 00:45:47

If you went this way, in the first segment, there's a few

00:45:49--> 00:45:50

fabric question is

00:45:53--> 00:45:58

what was the number one

00:46:21--> 00:46:22

number one reason for divorce?

00:46:24--> 00:46:28

The reason I mentioned that, because I don't want you to think that money is not important. It is important

00:46:31--> 00:46:53

hire among the reasons sustenance to be able to live okay, but we're not going to say this is another bullet points for the mama diary and how much you use will say, Please don't sell the woman by the man when it comes to dowry and all that stuff. Very good. That's the first portion. You guys How do you feel you want to take a little break?

00:46:57--> 00:47:01

Good luck case study. I'm ready to that's coming to you.

00:47:03--> 00:47:05

All right now.

00:47:07--> 00:47:17

On their way back from work, Adam starts telling ya that he's ready to get married. And his mom is already got a list for him potential lives. He doesn't

00:47:19--> 00:47:20

just mean

00:47:22--> 00:47:33

Adam asked if he knows anyone that he can recommend. Yeah, it's awesome, bro. You should go back home and get married. As the woman they are very obedient and will look after your home.

00:47:37--> 00:47:39

Good, good. They usually get like something of an uncle.

00:47:42--> 00:47:54

Adam says But yeah, I want to get married to someone who is educated speaks my language and someone who will relate to me to marry back home or not to marry back home that is

00:47:56--> 00:48:12

so now again, you will get five to seven minutes to discuss this issue. What will you be? Yeah, there's given advice and it's coming to you for advice. What do I do? What will you tell ya what to look for in life?

00:48:22--> 00:48:22

This question

00:48:24--> 00:48:25

has more in common.

00:48:37--> 00:48:38

And a mother

00:49:08--> 00:49:09

Good morning. How are ya

00:49:59--> 00:49:59

so much

00:50:07--> 00:50:07

This session

00:50:49--> 00:50:50


00:52:15--> 00:52:15

number one

00:52:24--> 00:52:25

number one criteria

00:52:48--> 00:52:51

the last minute in Java to get your costume at a one woman show

00:53:14--> 00:53:14


00:53:22--> 00:53:23

you're very nice

00:53:42--> 00:53:43


00:53:47--> 00:53:47


00:53:53--> 00:53:53

was the

00:54:01--> 00:54:02


00:54:08--> 00:54:10

See the discussion is

00:54:12--> 00:54:12


00:54:14--> 00:54:46

is one of the reasons really I give the case study is to get you involved and to make sure that at least I hear your thoughts and then you can hear yourself and then after you learn what was supposed to really do, so now, you'll find out what 25 you were you had and then inshallah we can go back to the teaching. So now hopefully will be the criteria for us to follow. Right. Now the the very simple question is, if Adam comes to you, you will be here. What will you tell Adam to do again?

00:55:00--> 00:55:00

They don't

00:55:03--> 00:55:05

think the same to have the same language

00:55:06--> 00:55:15

sound the same expectations and also saying that if ultimatums if one person or one bank marries from

00:55:19--> 00:55:21

them sometimes

00:55:22--> 00:55:24

religion in this situation customs

00:55:27--> 00:55:28


00:55:35--> 00:55:35


00:55:37--> 00:55:41

okay my sisters here are defending their territory man

00:55:45--> 00:55:47

you can read that a very good

00:55:48--> 00:55:56

listen to what I'm saying but I'll take this man out because this guy is like got a he says I have the number one answer everything else is irrelevant

00:55:59--> 00:56:00

I'm really anxious to hear

00:56:03--> 00:56:04

our number one point

00:56:05--> 00:56:06

before the

00:56:09--> 00:56:10

criteria is met

00:56:53--> 00:56:55

by the way this assistant see

00:57:22--> 00:57:23


00:57:24--> 00:57:25


00:57:28--> 00:57:41

pies friends, and suddenly like a pie staining. The only family that will give the boys it's usually the actual mother, someone who's more or less are on the same wavelength.

00:57:46--> 00:57:46

You know what?

00:57:48--> 00:57:48

You want to

00:57:53--> 00:57:54

recognize this voice Oh,

00:57:56--> 00:57:56

by the way,

00:58:05--> 00:58:09

says that look for your country or background.

00:58:10--> 00:58:11

Our backgrounds

00:58:13--> 00:58:14


00:58:17--> 00:58:17


00:58:19--> 00:58:20

used to that being growing up in a mall.

00:58:22--> 00:58:25

Or I'm being raised in Australia. So that's where

00:58:28--> 00:58:30

that's now. Secondly,

00:58:31--> 00:58:40

what is he looking for a lady. You have to look at your children's education within four for what you want. You're gonna go to work, you're going to be at work.

00:58:47--> 00:58:48

And if she says yes to

00:58:52--> 00:58:52


00:58:57--> 00:58:59

Okay, yes. Go ahead,

00:59:13--> 00:59:13


00:59:33--> 00:59:33

All right.

00:59:35--> 00:59:36

All right.

00:59:50--> 00:59:51


01:00:13--> 01:00:16

There we go. These points are very valid guys.

01:00:38--> 01:00:39

rate of marriage

01:00:41--> 01:00:42

when the man

01:00:44--> 01:00:45

is moved,

01:00:49--> 01:00:53

he is the man of the house and the girl has grown up here. She has

01:01:08--> 01:01:10

very good point. The Alpha Male syndrome Yeah.

01:01:12--> 01:01:25

Yeah, I won't be able to cover everything, please forgive me, it really is it's a full two day course. And this thing is two days, two full days. But I'm just giving you a nutshell are sort of some of the important aspects of the job.

01:01:26--> 01:01:54

That brother mentioned something that is actually is on the list later on. Or another module, but he didn't mention something that is actually valid. If the brother is looking to marry more than one wife is right as being proactive. If you want to marry more than one wife, then you should look for a sister that believes that as is the he or she thinks the desktop the train of thoughts, because there's difference of opinions among the scholars, by the way, because according to the verse

01:01:55--> 01:01:56

with with

01:01:57--> 01:02:00

started with do math now,

01:02:01--> 01:02:02

but it's not nine

01:02:03--> 01:02:04

to five.

01:02:09--> 01:02:18

And then sister in this is not? And if you're not. Okay, so according to some of the things of a scholar is that that is the origin of it.

01:02:19--> 01:02:34

So if you want to marry more than one wife, then you should be looking for a sister that believes that that's the origin and has no problem with that. But please don't look for a sister that doesn't believe that. And later on, you know what I'm doing? Because I've been through this.

01:02:39--> 01:02:41

I guess I'm winning some points.

01:02:44--> 01:02:46

The origin is to them, I believe.

01:02:55--> 01:02:56

But anyway, I can take a plane and leave.

01:03:00--> 01:03:02

Okay, yes. Okay.

01:03:06--> 01:03:08

Even though men can marry,

01:03:33--> 01:03:33

take care.

01:03:40--> 01:04:01

I mean, this is another one, we're doing the right thing. I won't be able to get there. But when I talk about ups, I don't talk about rights. Because when you go into rights, it's like a court case, right? What is my right? No, no. I said, What's your duty? Because if you do your duty, you will automatically get your rights. So when I talk about this, I talked about what is the difference between agile

01:04:02--> 01:04:17

there's a difference. And in South, there's a major difference between being just and being fair. In equality. For example, I'll just give you one. And by the way, I know some sisters I've met, these are personal experience.

01:04:19--> 01:04:24

A sister came and told me that I want my husband to marry

01:04:25--> 01:04:37

my other friend and she was going to marriage. They're not getting married yet. Okay. It's true. One sister keeps against this, but I don't know how to relate to my husband. She believes in more than one wife, the brother and sister.

01:04:39--> 01:04:59

So it does exist. I'm just saying but I know a brother that did it without having a miserable life because he didn't do his homework. You understand? So please be careful. Don't break a marriage or break a home to build another home. Not very smart. So I'm just saying from 20 years of experience having to deal with these issues as counselors.

01:05:00--> 01:05:04

Okay, so I've just given you the bottom line, guys, you can take enough tickets totally up to you.

01:05:05--> 01:05:43

It does exist. And it does happen. But let me explain it quickly. What is the most people think that if you have a wife, like more than one wife, you have to give her an open, you can never be there. So let's talk about equality, and justice or fairness. What is Apple and musala major difference between atoms our, for example, you have more than one wife. So he's supposed to give, if you give this dress, you give her a dress, which is what any tangible you will not have. You will not be able to be just even if you were careful what

01:05:44--> 01:05:55

what the explanation says if you have more than one wife, what happens? If you're, you know, I have one wife that is, you know, you know, it's salad and drinks water.

01:05:57--> 01:06:23

So you give her a dress, she's nice a size six, and the other sister, you know, I'm not sure I love chocolate, pizza and all that stuff. You get out the other side. 13. So that's not to be if you're being fair, that's a bigger dress. Or another one is what? She has one child, the other one has three. If you give her $100 a week, then you have to get the $100 that's fair. It's not fair. It's equal but it's not fair. Do you understand that what the meaning of will and

01:06:25--> 01:06:36

you will never be able to compete to be fair to be equal. But you can be just and even in the nights of the when you spend and even not things that you cannot control like what like your heart

01:06:38--> 01:06:49

Prophet Mohammed Salaam says that he says here's what I have. I have control over Allah. But don't hold me accountable of that which I have no control over and you have control over which means what his heart is laughter He

01:06:51--> 01:07:00

must be adventure, you understand? So that's the difference of feet we'll lower them however, the awkward here is back in your job inside

01:07:02--> 01:07:14

the head is 5090 and Muslim 1466 just if you want to it is probably no selling dimension for criterias. I talked about him last night who can remind me what the full criteria is we're

01:07:16--> 01:07:17


01:07:20--> 01:07:23

okay, now I can start but this will be hazards to help.

01:07:27--> 01:07:27

last tip

01:07:31--> 01:08:11

for you Mashallah. So we said yes, wealth is important, you know, lineage, the family environment, beauty and religion. And I'm giving you an example of visual remember the visual please don't forget this visual on the on the list of Prophet Mohammed Salah is number one is religion. She's beautiful. She's attending remember that at a zero she has money that's 100% zero if she's coming from a good family and upbringing in environment another two year old that's 1000 take away their religion, you got three zeros, three zeros that nothing to show for attendance an actual interpretation in

01:08:13--> 01:08:31

your hand will touch just meaning if you take that one interpretation if you take the owner of religion this prosperity side of prosperity as the other interpretation if you don't take the sign of a woman of religion background you handle justice meaning we'll lose all worldly possessions you understand two interpretations.

01:08:33--> 01:08:41

So this is one of the things he's made sure to understand is crucial for you before you make the decision. It's just the four criterias but there's more job

01:08:43--> 01:08:49

now we said that even it's mentioned that this woman is metallic metallic even

01:08:51--> 01:08:53

just this metallic It's beautiful, what is metallic

01:08:55--> 01:09:00

then you think anything that is a pleasurable or anything that you get joy for in this life is called an Attack.

01:09:03--> 01:09:12

Attack the dunya the Masada you know that Mashallah The best thing that you can enjoy in this life is the righteous life.

01:09:13--> 01:09:16

What about the interpretation of the eye or

01:09:21--> 01:09:26

what is the competition or law give us the rest of the studio and the rest of the year after and this is from the elbow

01:09:27--> 01:09:30

some of the interpretation is the best in Estonia is

01:09:31--> 01:09:32

the best in this dungeon

01:09:35--> 01:09:40

again, it's also mentioned as treasure he's Ken's a treasure in this life.

01:09:42--> 01:09:48

And also you have that right for fertility. So what you've alluded to dude in the army on my piano

01:09:50--> 01:09:50


01:09:56--> 01:09:58

look when you look at her pleases you she pleases you

01:10:00--> 01:10:14

She's fertile. When we're loot fertile. She, she bores children when she comes to you and in love and compassion, and if you see her she pleases you. And if you give her a command she obeys the commandment.

01:10:16--> 01:10:30

And if you drop the Go away, She protects her chastity and you wealth, meaning whatever it is that positions among those leave every one of you mentioned as being being a virgin, meaning

01:10:32--> 01:11:01

being playful because it's the first time I'm not saying that she's not you can't just say these are criterias doesn't necessarily mean that you're off set. But if a married man married before he can marry a woman that married before that's fine, it's called compatibility tekapo as you will see Charla same thing by the way, when it comes to compatibility, you Muslims, I recommend for them to marry Muslims, but doesn't mean that you cannot do everything else other than that, what happens is a becomes a Muslim. she marries brother Mo.

01:11:02--> 01:11:22

And I mean that his name is Mohammed he calls himself Mo, what is what am I saying? He's not that religious. Okay, but he just wants to sister for other reasons that our sister is committed to Islam, she learns she becomes more religious than mo You're right. She started down, you know?

01:11:24--> 01:11:29

Hey, bro, what happened? The Three Stooges? What happens the rest and so on? She says.

01:11:32--> 01:11:35

Doing this one we're supposed to do that. The brother gets offended the alpha male.

01:11:37--> 01:11:40

He gets offended. He goes Nah, I was avoiding this.

01:11:43--> 01:11:47

Then problem starts that's why I'm saying compatibility is even in that

01:11:48--> 01:11:52

in the religious backgrounds, something that is according to your comfort zone.

01:11:53--> 01:11:57

Now, in 101

01:11:59--> 01:12:02

Let me explain that one, as I mentioned to you

01:12:03--> 01:12:15

the 1001 but what is number one we mentioned avoiding the Prophet Mohammed Salim is religion. But the harsh reality is I mentioned briefly last night is this first thing you look for in a wife is what?

01:12:17--> 01:12:30

beauty? You're right. Why is he going against the problem? No, he explains. You cannot ask for religion first. Because if the religion is good, then she's not beautiful. You're gonna say no, but that means you refreezing religion.

01:12:31--> 01:12:42

So is this first look for beauty? If you like her beauty, then you can continue on? If she has. If she doesn't have it, then you did not refuse the religion. You understand? Okay, that's important.

01:12:44--> 01:12:51

Now regarding the wife, these these are these criterias are in the wife to be

01:12:52--> 01:12:58

run. Run Forrest run. Abandon ship Joe.

01:13:00--> 01:13:02

Okay, so what you

01:13:03--> 01:13:08

have the blue outcome and the food and Hannah and Nana

01:13:09--> 01:13:11

six parties. What does that mean?

01:13:12--> 01:13:12

What does that

01:13:15--> 01:13:16


01:13:18--> 01:13:38

I'm saying this because if you haven't tried to get rid of it, I'm telling this man not to look for this woman but if it's in you some things you can change some things you can so what I'm whatever I'm talking about, if it's negative turn into positive How do you turn it into positive? Get away from it? Okay, so you always think on the positive side don't be offended. It's nothing personal. I don't know you

01:13:40--> 01:13:41

don't married a woman although

01:13:43--> 01:13:45

she gets angry all the time. She's angry or miserable all the time.

01:13:47--> 01:13:48

I'll come to but you know what?

01:13:50--> 01:13:55

110 one 111 three dashes here. Browning. That's it.

01:14:03--> 01:14:08

So on you you come in with the two nice bags of fruit flowers just

01:14:17--> 01:14:18

so she's like this.

01:14:20--> 01:14:20

And the other one is

01:14:23--> 01:14:24

she's got the radar eyes.

01:14:30--> 01:14:31

just comparing you

01:14:32--> 01:14:37

to the other brothers. Right? Oh, that guy's got what happened. You hear those?

01:14:39--> 01:14:42

Kids? Those kids are driving me nuts. That's how you lose hair. By the way.

01:14:43--> 01:14:49

She's not comparing to this guy. This guy is working out. He's been pumping iron man and she looks really good.

01:14:51--> 01:14:52

Good, good, but

01:14:54--> 01:14:58

really good. Just as to compare you to others and then you get insecure. That's why

01:15:00--> 01:15:00

sent out the pub

01:15:02--> 01:15:02


01:15:04--> 01:15:05

as soon as

01:15:07--> 01:15:08

I can travel this evening

01:15:11--> 01:15:15

even the criteria the credit characteristics of holding the meeting so the big beautiful black

01:15:18--> 01:15:23

servants By the way, and you will be 70 times more beautiful than they are you will be the queen of the castle

01:15:25--> 01:15:26

before you hit anything

01:15:33--> 01:15:34

so even

01:15:35--> 01:15:36

they will lower the gates

01:15:38--> 01:15:45

that's it the only no you don't compare you with anybody else. So Pamela so and same for you

01:15:50--> 01:15:53

now at hand nana nana nana,

01:15:54--> 01:16:02

Nana public, if she was married before she had a question somebody more it will always be in the back of my mind. You know, she will be calling you

01:16:09--> 01:16:10

and Nana

01:16:13--> 01:16:17

I she complains about everything. And

01:16:22--> 01:16:23

you know,

01:16:24--> 01:16:28

if it wasn't for me, it was this It wasn't my color wouldn't you wouldn't get the job, it wasn't

01:16:29--> 01:16:31

the same thing. As you were talking about.

01:16:32--> 01:16:40

Choose to start just reminding you of the favorites issues on upon you. These are the things that you stay away from. Now again, as both of

01:16:42--> 01:16:46

the building of dreams are so is there with the brothers.

01:16:47--> 01:16:49

The brothers is mentioned

01:16:50--> 01:16:53

and said when I asked the brother, what are you looking for man?

01:16:54--> 01:16:54

He says,

01:17:25--> 01:17:31

want her to be tall, way too beautiful. She has a different color for the night and young

01:17:38--> 01:17:40

birds of the beautiful birds and

01:17:41--> 01:17:56

get this magic about her and there's different than the blonde. She comes in from afar. You think she's beautiful when she comes home? She's even more beautiful, just trying to that and the gentleman. She's good with that old and she's kind to the neighbor

01:17:57--> 01:17:58

along with

01:18:10--> 01:18:15

which means if you if you find this woman, we would make a movie,

01:18:16--> 01:18:21

we would make a comment. Because you're asking for the impossible man.

01:18:23--> 01:18:24

You asked him to

01:18:37--> 01:18:38

come back to.

01:18:41--> 01:18:49

Lastly, regarding when we're talking about compatibility, we're talking intellectually, financially, morally, psychologically, physically, spiritually and environmentally.

01:18:51--> 01:18:54

I'm not saying back home syndrome doesn't work.

01:18:55--> 01:19:03

It does work. But according to this force, labor law experience their ratio and doesn't work is higher that does work.

01:19:04--> 01:19:17

I'm not saying it doesn't work. And I'm not asking you not to do it. But I'm asking you to do your homework. Well, before you take that woman. Here. We take that man here. And I can tell you, especially my number sisters, absolutely right. When the men come here, what they look for the first thing

01:19:18--> 01:19:19

you got.

01:19:20--> 01:19:32

That's true. They don't have papers. They want to come out here because they have nothing over there. They can make ends meet so they come find me a wife, as soon as the brother says that. I'm sorry, I will not even help you because I know your intention.

01:19:33--> 01:19:43

your intention is here to get the paper I'm sorry, I have to find somebody else. And it doesn't work. I've seen so many brothers come in here get married after they get their visa. Thank you have a good life.

01:19:45--> 01:19:46

So I'm just saying Be careful.

01:19:48--> 01:20:00

Be careful, because I know this is there in the back of the mind if this happens. So I will give you the four point methods. This is enough puts everything in perspective.

01:20:00--> 01:20:00

And now

01:20:05--> 01:20:12

the four point method is very simple is the Shara is taharah. As until awkward.

01:20:13--> 01:20:14


01:20:16--> 01:20:22

This is the Shara means consult, consult, do your homework and I'll give you the example and fully.

01:20:23--> 01:20:24

So you consulting you're asking

01:20:26--> 01:20:38

second is the farm, meaning you'll be praying to our house asking Allah subhanaw taala to choose what's best for you. And I will go, I will explain it. Number three is the termination

01:20:40--> 01:20:41

number for

01:20:43--> 01:20:44

putting your trust in a law.

01:20:46--> 01:20:47

Okay, let me explain.

01:20:48--> 01:20:55

Here's how I operate. And I'm going to give you the same recommendation. Back in Canada, my wife and I, we TAC Team.

01:20:57--> 01:21:01

We help the brothers and sisters, those who want to get married.

01:21:02--> 01:21:05

And I ask the brothers, anybody wants to get married to get in touch with me.

01:21:07--> 01:21:08

They send me an email,

01:21:09--> 01:21:19

with what they're what they're looking for, in a wife, and who they are. So everything that they will be asked about. And give me a picture.

01:21:20--> 01:21:28

And ask the sisters to get in touch with my wife, they sent her on her email list, same thing with a picture, we try our best to

01:21:30--> 01:21:31

find a suitable match.

01:21:32--> 01:21:36

And if we do, the system will know absolutely nothing about it nothing.

01:21:38--> 01:21:49

We tell the brother to go see that sister when she's walking with a family, or going to work or going to school, whatever he asked to see the sister that's as soon as possible says, Hey, are you done?

01:21:52--> 01:22:01

Have you seen she's not having go see her. Go see her Prophet Mohammed, give a command, give a command to those happy, go back and see her.

01:22:02--> 01:22:08

Maybe you'll see something that will make this love and attraction between the two of us. So

01:22:09--> 01:22:13

you can see this waffle. So please don't tell me.

01:22:14--> 01:22:16

I didn't see my wife.

01:22:21--> 01:22:27

I don't mean to offend anyone, I don't know him. I'm just telling you. It's the sooner that you have to see wait beforehand.

01:22:28--> 01:22:46

It is not a chef House of rice. It is not. You know, you might you might remember from back home as we call it. Son, go pick up your wife, she's coming in airplane, bla bla bla bla. It's like you don't have to sign in for a parcel. He's not that a lot more good than that.

01:22:47--> 01:23:05

So make sure that you do this in Java. So you do your homework. You see when I told the brothers Go ahead, see the sister. Why. Number one, as we mentioned, explaining it, the first you have to be attracted to her. Why? Because you're physically based, choose emotionally based. And that's the next module which are coming up.

01:23:07--> 01:23:23

So you have to be attracted to that, as we mentioned that a man will learn to love the woman they're attracted to. And the woman will learn to be attracted to the man the love. Remember that it is important to understand that you work on the senses of the this man is is is a big.

01:23:25--> 01:23:39

I mean he senses work on the senses, eyes, ears, mouth, and all the senses. If you think about this, how to win this man work on the senses. And there's a letter that comes from a mother that talks about that.

01:23:40--> 01:24:07

Now, when the brother sees a sister going, or whatever work or family or message or anything, he sees what he likes he likes when he starts to ask about her background. What is she like? What's your moral conduct? How does she deal with this? How does it happen? And he asked about the family is about everything. Everything is coming back as a green light. You see, he likes what he sees every question is coming back answered on the green light, then he doesn't know what's in our heart. He doesn't know what's hidden, and he doesn't know what's in the future.

01:24:08--> 01:24:09

So we asked allows

01:24:11--> 01:24:29

only about knows what's hidden, what's in her heart and what's in the future. She prayed to her characters to huddle with that intention. And there's no limit by the way to the star. And you don't have to see something in a dream is not authenticated. However, if you go if things are very smooth, what can I love? Go ahead if things are very difficult.

01:24:30--> 01:24:54

Abandon ship. Okay, that's number two. Number three, if this has come back as a green light with the brother and go that's when you actually go ahead. Determine the sister everything is coming back to the green light determination. Go ahead. So what do you do? Go ask for any marriage properly, man. nahko hidden behind people's back and as we talked about the

01:24:55--> 01:24:59

my intention is to marry the sister but I want to make sure no matter how long

01:25:00--> 01:25:01

This my girlfriend.

01:25:02--> 01:25:25

So do this right? Because I've known some a couple that get divorced after they get married because the sister couldn't forget that they had a legitimate relationship before they get married. She couldn't respect that man anymore. And that man is trying to take you for a ride but he is not the man that you trust to be your husband. We mentioned Amana remember the 100 criteria? How could he be a mean if he's actually trying to do these things behind your father's back?

01:25:26--> 01:25:30

Okay, so be careful Don't be an easy bait. Now

01:25:32--> 01:25:38

when it comes to the fourth one, if Allah subhanaw taala makes it easy for you and everything is done.

01:25:40--> 01:25:43

You put your trust in a book you can't go wrong

01:25:45--> 01:25:47

you cannot go wrong if you make mistakes

01:25:48--> 01:26:03

but if you if you have if you go against this The harder the more you have severe warning if you ask a lot a lot gives you the answer and then you say I'm going to do it according to my own lens and desires you pay a big price

01:26:04--> 01:26:10

I'm warning you brothers do not go against this Don't say no Do you also have to do

01:26:12--> 01:26:19

so these are the four points in Java is the sharp is the harder so you consult and you ask a lot

01:26:21--> 01:26:24

and then the green lights coming to determination

01:26:25--> 01:26:27

and then working for us

01:26:29--> 01:26:42

and make sure that you are using Java Now this brings us to the last portion of this which is the competition quotient let's see how you're listening. Now the last sisters first

01:26:43--> 01:26:49

sisters Give me one criteria again for the brother to look for in a wife

01:26:51--> 01:26:55

respect Okay, it's not on my list but I'll give you that

01:26:57--> 01:27:00

Do I have a volunteer maybe young girl to come and start passing I don't want to

01:27:02--> 01:27:10

hear your sister brothers Give me one quarter we look for in a life you look forward to life you actually this is what you want the wife to have

01:27:12--> 01:27:13

in the back

01:27:14--> 01:27:15

looks you're right

01:27:16--> 01:27:18

okay are you okay with that?

01:27:21--> 01:27:22

Okay, sisters what other

01:27:25--> 01:27:26

matters Masha Allah very good.

01:27:28--> 01:27:37

Okay, this is a good Thank you. Very nice. What are you doing? Is this for you? Okay, are you choose after after you finish you choose whatever color you like. But this is more Yes.

01:27:38--> 01:27:39


01:27:42--> 01:27:43

yeah. This one

01:27:49--> 01:27:49

are you married

01:27:58--> 01:27:58


01:28:04--> 01:28:05


01:28:08--> 01:28:09

very good. Okay, I'll come back with you

01:28:12--> 01:28:13

to be close to

01:28:15--> 01:28:15

number one

01:28:35--> 01:28:36

because the environment

01:28:38--> 01:28:39

Hi. Oh,

01:28:41--> 01:28:42

sisters. Yes Sophie.

01:28:44--> 01:28:44


01:28:47--> 01:28:47


01:28:48--> 01:28:49

You want me to give it

01:28:52--> 01:28:55

lowers her gaze Masha? Allah max. Good. Mashallah.

01:28:57--> 01:28:59

Patience. Very good.

01:29:03--> 01:29:04

Yes, yes.

01:29:18--> 01:29:21

affection and compassion is very good. So this one is a sister and that one was

01:29:25--> 01:29:25


01:29:35--> 01:29:36

There you go.

01:29:54--> 01:29:55

Write this down.

01:30:00--> 01:30:00


01:30:02--> 01:30:03

Okay, somebody hasn't said anything yet. Good.

01:30:06--> 01:30:07

Very good. Okay.

01:30:09--> 01:30:10

Okay, Okay, fair enough. All

01:30:15--> 01:30:16

right on

01:30:17--> 01:30:21

your rights very good. I wasn't intended to get you have to say anything.

01:30:33--> 01:30:33


01:30:38--> 01:30:42

Right? Very good. All right, you're good. Okay, this right here just in case

01:30:47--> 01:30:50

compatibility compatibility, my man.

01:30:53--> 01:30:55

There you go. Okay, that's good. Mashallah. Very good.

01:30:58--> 01:31:06

Okay, now it's time for a question. Do we know the rules by now? You raise your hand you own the question. I won't complete it. Give me the right answer you and your team when

01:31:07--> 01:31:09

the other team wins by default. Let me think about something.

01:31:20--> 01:31:27

All right. This is gonna be a tricky question. So be careful. I'll be asked in Java via an answer.

01:31:28--> 01:31:31

All right, here we go. The Tigray question is

01:31:33--> 01:31:35

what is

01:31:51--> 01:31:55

I was gonna say what was number one on the list of

01:32:00--> 01:32:04

duties, right? That's right. I'm sorry, but I know you had a chance.

01:32:08--> 01:32:10

Now you can beat him up guys.

01:32:11--> 01:32:15

Right now we'll take a break, inshallah. How much time you need

01:32:18--> 01:32:20

a break. We'll come back and seek the second segment

01:32:32--> 01:32:32


01:32:35--> 01:32:36

Go downstairs.

01:36:14--> 01:36:14

The last

01:36:17--> 01:36:19

part of my course I talked about

01:40:17--> 01:40:17

My friend

01:43:55--> 01:43:55

I don't think

01:45:26--> 01:45:27

To get

01:45:37--> 01:45:37


01:45:39--> 01:45:41

the past this lesson

01:45:42--> 01:45:42

is the

01:45:55--> 01:45:55


01:46:19--> 01:46:19


01:46:41--> 01:46:42


01:46:44--> 01:46:45

one is lesson

01:46:59--> 01:47:00

world stuff

01:50:43--> 01:50:44

Welcome back to that second portion.

01:50:46--> 01:50:47

And I have to

01:50:49--> 01:50:52

in a short time, I won't be able to go through the whole thing.

01:50:56--> 01:50:59

I've received a lot of questions, a lot of comments.

01:51:00--> 01:51:07

Really, if it's not in here, I'm more than happy to take your questions. And hopefully by the end, we'll have an open discussion and questions and answer period.

01:51:09--> 01:51:14

But please understand that this is a two full day course two full days.

01:51:15--> 01:51:52

So I'm giving you what I think is, in a nutshell, one of the most important pillars, john, you need to arm yourself first, the beginning, the beginning is the most important as we mentioned, because the proactive approach, you don't have to put out the fires, you have to make sure prevention is better than cure. So that's the reason we'll talk about the most important part is choosing a spouse you don't have to worry about. Because right you have a better, better plan Java. However, this mistake is the sister when it gets married to a brother that has a beard, or the brother who gets married to Japanese, let's say they're an angel. Is it true? That possible, their human being having

01:51:55--> 01:52:09

a beard? Now their religious, he can make no mistake, or they haven't hit him on their head? No, that's not the case. We're human beings just like everybody else. So please understand that to deal with a new job, the second phase called roadmap to happy beginning.

01:52:11--> 01:52:13

And that's really the promotion.

01:52:14--> 01:52:32

You're single, now you got promoted, getting married, I won't be able to go through that. What is the rules of engagement? What is the, you know, all that stuff, I usually talk about how to handle this period, going into that wedding ceremony.

01:52:33--> 01:53:10

And then I will take you to the end of it, forgive me, because I need to cover another face. To understand the difference between the two of me, which I believe is another key for a happy marriage, you have to understand the differences. So I'm gonna spend a little more time on this. So I want you to understand, you've been promoted to handle and you found that your better half you get married. My advice to you in a nutshell, when it comes to weddings, please don't put your savings, your life savings into the wedding. Because you're gonna end up with a shaky start as we know now that one of the reasons of divorce and number one is that financial so if you try to please people,

01:53:10--> 01:53:16

which is impossible, by the way, okay, because I know some of the brothers who usually I deal a lot more with

01:53:17--> 01:53:20

you know, in the other side that they have,

01:53:21--> 01:53:22

what do they have? We have

01:53:27--> 01:53:28

a bankruptcy they have

01:53:30--> 01:53:31

they have so many

01:53:33--> 01:53:57

engagements and so many weddings so many so many events for the same wedding. They have like for at least so much money, the bonuses and debt. How could you start your life shaky foundation? So I'm asking you for the sake of Allah. Don't try to impress people. Because you will never impress people until you spend too much money that's too extravagant or you stingy man,

01:53:58--> 01:53:59

get into but

01:54:00--> 01:54:03

whatever. So please, Allah.

01:54:05--> 01:54:10

Please understand that when you go into the wedding factor, you know what happens? I sometimes go to weddings and it's a miracle.

01:54:13--> 01:54:15

Okay, so the goal is the

01:54:17--> 01:54:28

project right? So I go into the wedding, and the sisters are not wearing them. They have this shop beautiful shop on their shoulders. And of course, apparently it's it's a must for us to start our weddings with.

01:54:31--> 01:54:32

So what happens

01:54:34--> 01:54:34

as soon as

01:54:38--> 01:54:39

it's a miracle.

01:54:40--> 01:54:41

This is just

01:54:42--> 01:54:46

the power of gratitude. It's amazing. But there is a southern called love.

01:55:00--> 01:55:01

I'm just giving you three quizzes.

01:55:03--> 01:55:07

Now, after the wedding, you're done blah, blah, blah and all that stuff.

01:55:08--> 01:55:19

How many brothers know the etiquettes and the soudan? before you enter your home? What do you do when you enter your home? What do you do before you do anything? Who is ready to close?

01:55:20--> 01:55:24

Michelle? Good for you, man. What brother.

01:55:25--> 01:55:31

All right. So I'm gonna get you into quickly in a nutshell because I don't really have enough time to go into this.

01:55:32--> 01:55:33


01:55:36--> 01:55:38

the one thing you want to do

01:55:40--> 01:55:41

is when you finish the wedding,

01:55:44--> 01:55:47

please do not carry your wife and you

01:55:50--> 01:55:57

know, you don't need to do that. But you need however to say that Okay, before you enter your home, it's a

01:56:02--> 01:56:31

it's a key but I'm not gonna translate it nor that I'm gonna tell you to memorize it for now. But what I'm going to ask you to do is look for a small black booklet called the Muslim fortress of a Muslim country and you have car and all that stuff is in there. This before you enter your home before you enter your home. You're supposed to say this lick is remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala then when you open the door, you say Bismillah enter which foot right foot Mashallah, what do you see when you enter?

01:56:36--> 01:56:41

Before before you enter now your entry you say this? Why? Why do you say Bismillah

01:56:44--> 01:56:50

Mashallah, first thing you say? Bismillah. Jesus against it. I can't stay here because I can't stay

01:56:54--> 01:56:57

right on. Some of you may have nightmares for a

01:56:58--> 01:56:59


01:57:02--> 01:57:06

That's the first thing right? Now you enter your home. What do you do the first thing

01:57:11--> 01:57:13

most of us look for What do you mean?

01:57:20--> 01:57:21

The first thing you do?

01:57:22--> 01:57:24

You're right. You pray?

01:57:27--> 01:57:42

Why are you declaring that this home is built to be a movement a Muslim home? This is you be out the rock man are you declaring that this home is going to be established on what are the pillars of Islam?

01:57:44--> 01:57:53

This is the Muslim home. So you're going to show that you were thankful to Allah that He gave you this righteous wife. So you're thanking him Allah, you start your life with that.

01:57:55--> 01:57:56

who leads

01:58:00--> 01:58:00


01:58:03--> 01:58:04


01:58:09--> 01:58:10

the man

01:58:13--> 01:58:15

establishing the brother,

01:58:16--> 01:58:17

the sister will not go down.

01:58:22--> 01:58:23

Allah will even happy that

01:58:24--> 01:58:28

you understand establishing the Bhakti before you get

01:58:35--> 01:58:39

it allows you have a problem with that. I'm just going to say I didn't like this room.

01:58:41--> 01:58:56

You understand? Okay, so let me give you the proof. The proof that allows the panel Katelyn hold him accountable and just allow my nephew. You're not off the hook yet. You are also responsible, but the end is whom he Why?

01:58:59--> 01:59:15

When Allah subhanaw taala talk to Adam and Eve. He says fez Aloma Chateau, Houma, Vanessa, all that stuff in the dual tense, right? He was talking to Adam and Eve, but when you held one person accountable and held accountable, Adam, you're right. Where's the proof

01:59:22--> 01:59:22

that you're

01:59:23--> 01:59:31

allowed to have held the item accountable, not Eve according to other faith or the ways of life which will not go and do they actually hold you accountable.

01:59:33--> 01:59:39

They understand. Right? So now, this is what you want to do. I don't have enough time to go in all the details.

01:59:40--> 01:59:45

Now after this, the tour comes when you do Masha Allah.

01:59:46--> 01:59:51

My sister just got the spirit. I love this. All right.

02:00:28--> 02:00:28


02:00:36--> 02:00:39

now, what I'm asking you to do is do

02:00:42--> 02:00:46

you please raise your right hand on her forehead and you grab her bangs?

02:01:01--> 02:01:03

fringe grabber friends, okay.

02:01:04--> 02:01:05

So what does it mean here?

02:01:07--> 02:01:10

Okay fringe fringe grab the fringe.

02:01:15--> 02:01:15

When you say

02:01:24--> 02:01:26

well, I asked you the best of the best that was created for

02:01:28--> 02:01:29

you from that.

02:01:32--> 02:01:32

Do you understand that?

02:01:34--> 02:01:40

You have to do your homework beforehand. And, and that's it, you're ready. You have to say another drug.

02:01:42--> 02:01:43

And by the way, that's every time

02:01:45--> 02:01:47

a lahoma is not necessarily a car wash