Marital_Family Problems & Islamic Solutions Live Session (Part 2)

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Ahmed Hamed

Channel: Ahmed Hamed

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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altavilla humanus shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah al Karim? Allah Allah He, Harvey a Jemaine, I'm about brothers and sisters. I once again welcome you all with the Islamic greetings as salaam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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This is your brother Farooq Romani and insha Allah I will be your host for today's session. This is the concluding session on the problem solving series. And today's session is on the topic, marital and family problems. Has we took multiple problems in the last week insha Allah Allah in this session today we'll be taking family problems.

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Participants are requested to post any questions they have within the chat box with regards to any family problems they have. And insha Allah tala, our speaker today will try to address them.

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This is an initiative of iluminar Islamic Center. almoner Islamic Center is run under the patronage of her highness share her hint Bentham to Benjamin to wife of His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of UAE, and Ruler of Dubai. We thank Allah subhanaw taala for choosing us all to be a part of this learning group Alhamdulillah

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before we begin a brief introduction of a share today, we have amongst us Sheikh Mohammed, who will guide us on the topic of marital and family problems. Sheikh Ahmed Hammond is a motivational speaker on Islam and comparative religion. He is also a corporate trainer, life coach with spiritual

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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Karim while he was happy he Jemaine also Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillah Ar Rahman AR Rahim, rubbish rally Saudi were surly Omri watlow. cadets data melissani Yahoo. coli, my beloved brothers and sisters, I welcome all of you once again to our fourth session, which is the concluding session on the topic problem solving well hamdulillah we have been talking about various dimensions of problems and we also suggested problems

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which has solutions for handling love. So in the past three sessions, what hamdulillah we have talked about personal problems in the first two sessions, where we discussed in detail how the problems are inevitable and how Alhamdulillah Allah Almighty has been

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Ask us with solutions if we go in line with the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam we've also mentioned in the last session about the problems related to meryton you know, aspect of our lives where we talked in detail about what are the common problems that comes into existence between husbands and wives and what are the possible solutions in the light of the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam insha Allah in this session, we'll try to widen our horizon in terms of talking about family problems in general, yes, marital aspect is one core issue or core aspects of the family problems, but we know that we have an extension or

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the relations beyond the husbands and wives in our lives. So, first and foremost, my beloved brothers and sisters, we need to understand that in the current times, we are actually you know, living in two types of families. So, you need to know I need to know in which family I am actually fitting in and based on that, we will proceed further with the analysis of the problems and provide inshallah Bismillah solutions in line with the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So, the first family

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type is the nucleus family, where there is only husband and wife along with the children. So, this is a nucleus family, wherein the they do not have elders with them, and they do not have any other relatives, you know, living with them. So, they are

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absolutely within a very short, you know, way that they actually are less numbers of family that they have in within the family. So, Subhanallah nucleus family is one type, the other family is the extended family where in you have the elders along with you, who stays and who lives with the couple, and the children. So, the dynamics or the problems, or the challenges will differ from family type of nuclear family and other family type, which is the extended family inshallah, we'll try to address both the aspects of the problems along with the solutions, insha Allah, what I want you to do, my beloved brothers and sisters is to do an exercise, once we are done with the session

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in this exercise is going to actually help you big time in terms of going in specifics to the individuals

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and know about them Subhan Allah, what I want you to do is write down the description, the understanding that you have for each and every family member. So, for instance, you have a husband, write down his name write down what do you know about what understanding that you have about this person, your husband, right. Similarly, if you have a wife, you, you write down about the wife. So, whatever understanding that you have about that person, what kind of character is that person, you write it down. Now, obviously, when you start writing, you will try to find out, and this writing must be done in isolation without any gadgets. Without any, you know, disturbances, you need to

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know, I need to know that this is a very, very important matter. And if I don't want, you know, to resolve things, then there is no point in talking about the problems. So we need to know very clearly that this is very, very important aspect of our lives. And it needs to be given absolute attention. So what I would commend you is to sit in isolation in a place where there is no disturbance at all. Take a pen and paper and write down what do you have as an information as an understanding about your spouse, whether it's husband or wife, about your children go in particular to your son, for example, for your about your daughter, write down their names, and write down the

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description how well you understand about the character of that personality, whether it's husband and wife, or children at the first instance. So when you write down obviously, you will

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Be able to understand and reflect that they will be certain good things that a person has. And there will be certain problematic things that is perceived by you as a problem by me as a problem about that person, right down the good, the list of good things that you find in that person and write down the bad things that you find in that person. So, when you when you do that exercise, you will be able to obviously, we know each other, you know, as, as family members, the husband knows the vibe, the vibe knows the husband, the the father knows the children, the mother knows the children, the children knows, you know, their own parents, but what I'm trying to you know, focus over here is

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write down very clearly without any hesitation with absolute attention write down what do you know about this person write down the good write down the bad, once you're done with that, you will be able to assess now, what are the challenges that I have with this person, what are the problems that I am actually facing with this person? So, this is for the nucleus family. Now, if you have an extended family, for example, your parents or your in laws, write down their names, What relation that you have with them write down that and write down the the same thing again, what are the good that you find in that person? What are the challenges or what are the problems that you face with

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this person, so, when you know, what are the good, what are the bad things about that person, you will be able to understand them very well.

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Problem Solving requires as the fundamental thing and that is understanding a lot of times family problems happen because of one key word understanding, if a person does not understand each other, then there comes the problems Subhan Allah, so we need to do this exercise, ie if we want our family problems, to be resolved in sha Allah be in the Allahu taala. Now, when you write down obviously, you will have so many good things about that person, for example, he is kind he is careful is respectful is you know, very nice in terms of the his behavior, you may have a lot of good things Alhamdulillah say Alhamdulillah for all those things, that that person has and make dua for that

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person, for the increase of that, those good traits that the person has.

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On the other side, when you write down and you analyze that these are the problems that you feel that this person has, because of which there is a problem in the family, there is a mess, there is a chaos in the family, because of these problems. Now, what we are trying to do is we are trying to zoom in very very closely about those problems with that particular person. So, we are studying the people right, when we study the people when we understand the people, it becomes a lot more easier to deal with the problems in sha Allah and there comes you know the solution from Allah subhanaw taala in the Quran, and in the teachings of the prophets Allah and you sell them. So, when we write

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down the bad things, because of which the problem is happening in the family. Generally speaking, we have following problems for example, we have some times in the person the problem of selfishness, we have sometimes a problem of you know, controlling others for example, the in laws for you know, when they when they live with with a couple with the family with the spouse, with with their sons or their daughters, they have a tendency or some people have the tendency to have control over others because they want to show that they are elder they want to you know, Boss over people. So, there are certain characters of this nature and that is a problem for the couple, right. So, as I said, we

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have some people will have a problem that they are selfish, they just want you know, good for them and bad for others or even if not bad for others, they just want good for themselves. So, what we need to realize and study is what is the negative trade that this person has? what is causing the problem? So we are now investigating, we are trying to dive in to the root problem. So selfishness

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Controlling over others Subhan Allah, sometimes a person is having an inferiority complex as well and because of which he he, the problem, you know comes into existence. So, sometimes inferiority complex sometimes a problem of Subhanallah ego, you know, he wants to fulfill his pride and because of which people can do anything and we know, we see in our lives, because of the ego because of, you know, something called us, I mean mine myself because of this ego status, because of this pride, people actually lose their loved ones. And this is one of the problems that we see in the family, the problem of ego, the problem of self esteem, you know, they want to, they are attention seekers,

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they want people to give them attention, they want people to give them high level of respect, because they, they love to be praised, they love to be appreciated, they love to be called as someone you know, above others Subhan Allah, so, we have people have this, this trait as well, we have people who get angry very quickly, because of which the problem comes for example, the husband, he is very nice, but at times, he gets angry in such a way that all his goodness goes into drain right, it goes all in vain, that one quality of being angry, you know, destroys the entire family, on the other side, sometimes wives, they have the anger so high, because of which the whole family

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it gets, you know, into a mess. So, problem of anger, sometimes, problem of abusive language, Allahu Akbar, may Allah protect all of us abusive language people, they use abusive words, words that hurts people like anything that that actually you know, tears them apart at times. So, there are problems that people are there are traits that people have and that is one of the major problems that we face in our family members. So, sometimes there there is a problem of being possessiveness, you know, some person like for example, the father is extremely possessive about the sun, mother is extremely possessive about the sun, and because of which, they don't want you know, the, the wife of the husk

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of the of the sun, you know, does anything good for for for for the sun, because they are, you know, fully charged and they want to do everything for the sun. So, this is again one of the challenges that we face in our families, the problem of inconsistent mindset, you know, sometimes you say this, and the other times you change your mind, right. So, we know there are certain people who have this, this this, you know, trait of inconsistent mindset, they are moody people cynical attitude, right. So, they, they they tend to get into you know, different kinds of mindsets a very quickly they are very good at one time, suddenly the changes. So, you will, you will find out, when you write down,

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you will write down some of these problems that you face. Some people they have a problem of being envious, being jealous, right, because of this jealousy, they can do anything, any harm that can be done. And this harm is done because or or in the name of love, Allahu Akbar, a person harms his beloved ones, his dearest ones, only because he is jealous or she's jealous. He's in envious about that person. Subhana Allah, there's a problem of backbiting. So, you will know that sometimes the husband bad bites wife or the wife bad bites the husband. So when you list down when you write down, you will find these problems as well. Sometimes a problem goes in extreme as well. People become

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each other's enemy, you know, constantly when you actually bear something which is so, you know, harmful to your heart to your mind, your whole life gets into a big mess and because of which sometimes a person gets into a state of enmity towards others, you know, they start hating each other luck, but may Allah protect us and sometimes there is a problem of being suspicious. A person is suspicious. You know, for example, husband is too much suspicious about wife or the wife is too much of suspicious because of which the problem in the family you know, it gets developed and eventually it destroys the family fabric. Sometimes there is a problem of negativity

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Write a person is negative, it is known he or she doesn't want to think good to think positive about anything about anyone. So this is again, one of the problems. Sometimes you feel, and you find in people, there's a problem of complaining, there's a problem of complaining,

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people keep complaining, you will find some characters like that, you know what, no matter what Allah gave them, they keep on complaining, right. So if this is a problem, just note it down the problem of comparisons, you know, his wife is good, or his husband is good, or her husband is good. So how Allah, this comparison, actually, it acts, you know, it destroys the entire fabric of the family at times, there are problems, where we also see people have extreme expectations, we talked about in our previous session, you will find certain people they have too much of expectations. And that is again, one of the problems in the family, sometimes people are of ungrateful, you know,

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mindset, no matter what they have, you know, they complain, and they are ungrateful to Allah and to people as well. Sometimes there is a problem where people want to live in the past, they, no matter what current situation is, they still talk about the past, you know, two years back, you have done this, and that to me, you know, five years back, you did not treated my mom well. So people have this tendency of remembering the past, and they want to live in the past, and they want to increase their problem as well. SubhanAllah sometimes, there are people who have problem, who have a problem of non forgiving, you know, this is, again, one of the dirtiest traits Subhan, Allah May Allah

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protect us, non forgiving, non forgiving people, they don't want to, you know, forgive people at any cost, you know, at any cost, and they want to keep their heart hard, they want to keep their heart heavy, they want to keep their heart harsh, Subhan Allah, as I said,

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these are some of the problems, problematic traits that we could find in people, in people because of which the family life is at stake is at risk, it might be one of the three states the first state is they are somehow you know, managing their relationship, we are not very much happy, but we are not, you know, ready, ready, and willing to get separated, and to you know, be alone. The, the second category is they just can't, you know, be with them anymore. This is something which is very, very unfortunate. The third category, which is the best category is they understand each other, they know really well each other and they know how to deal with those problems in a way that is pleasing

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to Allah subhanaw taala in a way that will give them the solution in the Quran, and in the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam So, my beloved brothers and sisters, these are some of the common traits of the people you know, that actually cause problems that cause challenges in our lives, we really need to know how to deal with these problems, when we see that within our own family, as I said, it could be just within the nucleus family, where the husband has these issues or some of these issues or the wife has some of these issues or the son or the daughter has these issues within the nucleus type of family, where in an extended family, it may have other you know,

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you know, issues by an extension of having you know, controlling mindset, having those complex minds, when actually it leads to the path of destruction. So, you need to know where do you fit in? What are those problems and you will be able to know it, as I said, when you do this exercise by being alone, you know for few minutes and write down the your understanding about each family member insha Allah. Now my beloved brothers and sisters, once we have, you know, this understanding when we gain this understanding of knowing each other very well. So for example, I know my wife really well because I wrote down each and everything that I understand that I have the perception about my wife

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and the the wife does the same thing.

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And I being a father I wrote down write down about my sons, my dog mine, my daughter's The same goes with the children as well with they write about us. So when when we have this 360 degree evaluation, this honest, you know, opinion about each other on writing, then it sets a base, you will be able to know, okay, this is the core issue, if I actually deal with that problem. So, for example, let's take a scenario wherein you are in a nuclear family where there is no one elderly, the just the husband, wife and the children, and you have a problem with the husband, the husband is for example, he is egoistic person, so, he, he wants to fulfill the the pride element in his life, and you don't

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like it because that's obviously not something which is encouraged in Islam, Islam speaks about ego as something called as evil Subhan Allah one of the evils one of the greatest of evils Subhana Allah, so you need to know, okay, he has a problem of ego, now you need to route the solution that can actually give him the sense of understanding that, yes, your respect is intact, but don't take to a level wherein you get into the state of pride,

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we need to understand and there is a differentiation between self esteem or respect for someone, and being and having pride Subhanallah so a person needs to be counseled in a subtle way, in a way that is appreciated by that person in a way that can actually bring the solution. So where you're where you're hitting the problem, and you're not hitting the person SubhanAllah. So, similarly, or likewise, you can pick up the problem in that person, and address the solution in a way that are that is guided by the Quran and the teachings of Prophet salallahu alaihe salam. So what are those rules? What are those general principles that we can take it in our lives implemented in our lives,

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and to use it as a solution for the problems that we have within our families? inshallah, so, let's start with the solutions or the rules are the principles that we need to, you know, have in our lives in order that we may, you know, reach to a state where we can find the solution? Or sometimes if, even if the problem does not, you know, get addressed, at least we will be in a comfortable position, because we can't say that, you know,

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the problem will be completely eradicated, you know, the ultimate happiness. I repeat, the ultimate happiness and satisfaction is only in Jana. So don't expect Janna in this dunya don't expect Jenna in this dunya we will have tensions we will have problems, we will have challenges, we will have obstacles, we will have you know conflicts with each other. Yes, we have solutions when hamdulillah which are absolutely you know, a powerful but

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it can never, ever be fully satisfied and and give you ultimate happiness because if that is the case, then Subhan Allah What's the point in Jana in Jana people will be pure in Jana, people will be completely happy in general people will be absolutely satisfied, unlike in dunya. So, but some of the other way we need to understand that Subhanallah Life is too short, to be engaged and involved in problems and fighting with each other. Having conflicts with each other. I repeat, life is too short to invest ourselves in problems in fighting in, in having disputes within the families. The least that we could do is be good within the family be happy within the family. And then we'll think

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about the the outside situation. The problem that we are facing today is the the homes are unrest. People they are not happy, they are not enjoying and they don't have pleasure in their life. Subhan Allah they have certain things that can be easily resolved Subhanallah but the problem is those traits so we need to really

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address those traits and we can find the solution inshallah. So what are those principles my brothers and sisters that we can utilize in our lives in order to address the the issues in sha Allah, number one.

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Number one,

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always, always have this mindset. As I said, always in my sessions, you need to really work on your mindset. Allah subhanho wa Taala in how do you sell goods, he says, I am as my servant thinks of me. So when you think good about Allah, you will get good from Allah. Isn't it beautiful? When you think good about Allah, you will get good from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So you need to have a mindset, which is the following, that my life in this world is full of tests. However, insha Allah by the will in the help of Allah, I'm going to go through from these tests with patients, and with sub with, with a lot of steadfastness in my life, knowing for sure that I will be tested by my husband,

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sometimes by my wife, sometimes by my in laws, sometimes by, you know, my children, I'm going to be tested. However, I'm not going to drop my Eman down, I'm not going to be depressed because of this, however, I am going to be positive about Allah, hoping that my situation will be better, my situation will be improved in sha Allah, or one way or the other. And I'll keep praying. So this is the mindset that you need to work on. Fundamentally, this reflects so many things, this reflects number one, that you have believe in Allah, this reflects that you believe that Allah is the solution, ultimate solution, you know, provider, he is the ultimate problem solver, you acknowledge

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that you are weak, and Allah is absolutely powerful. So there are so many things that goes in, in this mindset. So number one, have this mindset, this positive mindset, this mindset, which is prepared to face challenges and problems, inshallah, number two,

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gain the ability to forgive and let it go. Have B be characteristic, and this is so beautiful, so powerful, that it will easy your situation and grant you peace in your life.

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When you gain the ability to forgive people over see their problems from harm law, lead, led, let it go have this this this quality, this character of let it go. Don't brag about the situation, don't drag things too much. It's not going to help anyone. It's not going to help anyone whether it is within the nucleus family or an extended family. Regardless of that, you gain the ability of forgiving each other Why? Because Allah subhanaw taala he says in Surah to no surah number 24 that if pardon people, you know, overlook their faults Subhana Allah Don't you want a lot to forgive you? So if I forgive others I know I will be forgiven by the one who has all control of my life. Subhana

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Allah, number one, number two, Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam He said, If you forgive even though you are right, Allah subhanaw taala will build a palace in the surroundings of Jannah Allahu Akbar. So if I forgive, I'm not doing for any reason. Except that I am going to get that price of Han Allah. I'm not forgiving people for the sake of people, and forgiving people for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. When we gain this ability, this thought process, this mindset that our life is going to be absolutely easy. Insha Allah insha Allah, we have established ourselves willingly, that I'm going to forgive people, I'm not going to hold any grudges any wrong feelings about anyone,

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whether it be my husband, my wife, my children, my in laws, my parents, my siblings, or whoever. You practice this, and you will see how powerful this principle works in your life in sha Allah, then you need to have the ability to handle people, people handling is an art. And this art requires preparation. Preparation. Number one, as I mentioned, you know about that person, whether it's your mother in law, your father in law, your husband, your wife, your son, your daughter, whoever, people handling, when you know about, about that person, you'll be able to handle and deal

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With that person in a better way insha Allah is in Elahi tada also you need to know that you need to give importance to the person over the problem when you value a person, right for example, it's your mother in law, when you value that person that he or she is the, the mother of your husband, when you value that person, the problem that comes from her looks trivial. So, you value that person. So high, the problem becomes smaller and insha Allah those problems can be settled in a way that will give you inshallah peace of mind.

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So, regardless of any relation, you give an value to the person over the problem, you don't value you don't give the strength to the problem, you give strength to the relation SubhanAllah. So, when you when you value that

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that person instead of the problem, inshallah, you will get the solution very well. Communication is also very, very powerful things. You know, as I mentioned, words can tear people apart, so be very choosy what you speak. Once it goes out, it will always be there in the hearts and minds of the people. So be very choosy as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, speak God, or remain silent, speak good or remain silent. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, I guarantee

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for a person Jana Subhana, Allah who is taking guarantee the prophets of Allah who didn't sell them, and we know that preventiva the prophets Listen, he said, he said something, it is from Allah. So it is as though Allah is giving guarantee. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, I guarantee, Jenna for a person who protects what is between the jaws which means the tongue and what is between the limbs that is the private parts. So if a person knows the control, how to control his tongue, he will be a winner. Why because he will get Janna guaranteed by the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, so be very choosy and communicate well speak good words. Allah subhanaw taala he says

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in the Quran, speak to people that which is good, so speak good. Appreciate the words, nice words, kind words and Subhanallah It works like a magic Allahu Akbar, it will have an immense impact on people, whether it is your husband, or your wife, or your children or your mother in law, your father in law, your own parents, your own siblings, regardless of any religion, speak good words to them, appreciate them, encourage them, thank them, be grateful to them, and forgive them Subhanallah so use good words and avoid abstain from wrong words insha Allah number six, understand that that you are living with each other, for the sake of Allah, your relation with the other person or other

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people is as long as you are in this world. Subhana Allah,

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your relation with Allah is permanent, your relation with Allah is much more important. So you living for the sake of Allah with them. So when you have this, the reward factor comes from Allah, the punishment factor comes from Allah. So you do things for the sake of Allah, not because of the people. So your expectation by itself, it drops down, it will be there as humans we expect from each other, but it drops down drastically because you have a bigger expectation from the one who is the grantor of all wishes, that is Allah subhanho wa Taala number seven, willingness to resolve the matter whenever there is a problem in the family.

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Understand that, if I'm willing to, you know, resolve the situation, if the other person is willing to resolve the situation, Allah will certainly bring the solution, Allah will certainly bring the solution. So you need to know I need to know that.

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Allah subhanaw taala, he says was to the higher that resolution resolving the issues is better than living with that issue, bragging about that issue, prolonging that problems can Allah so Sudha that is correction that is something resolution, you know, solving the problems is is better than living in the problems and somehow not to be honest. ideally speaking, nobody wants to live with the problem. Nobody wants to live in the problem. Nobody wants to be with the problem. So people needs to be counseled that nobody is willing to be in the problem. In the

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Live in the problem or live with the problem, so why don't we, you know, settle our affairs for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. So this works a big time in sha Allah. Number eight is you need to know I need to know that I need to manage and you need to manage anger, anger management, and how do we manage it number one, number one, the moment we have, we have a higher temperament. We don't speak because while in the state of being angry, whatever we speak, we sometimes don't even mean but the other person receives it and stores it is in mind and heart and that will spoil your religion. When you are angry, don't speak stuck for Allah, I will do Billahi min ash shaytani r regime and do

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some sacred drink glass of water. Make will do and sit, lie down or pray the bestest to pray to Rika calm yourself down and then speak. Because while you're an angry you actually lose your temper. And when you lose your temper, you don't know what you speak, what words you use, and later on, it will be too late to regret upon. So make sure that when you are angry, first of all, we need to make sure that we manage our anger, control our anger. And if even in the case, when we get angry at times as humans we have shortcomings do these things, do these things inshallah and don't speak while you are in the state of anger insha Allah and because that is the time where you need to display patience,

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you know, when you are normal people are normal with you. Patience is something which is really not having much impact patients requires when you are angry when I am angry, when things are not going in, in a right way according to us, that's when we get angry. So that's where that's the time that's the place that's the you know, moment you and I need to display patience in sha Allah.

00:42:06--> 00:42:59

Number nine, we need to manage egos we need to really really manage our egos our you know, self esteems because as I mentioned, one of the major issues that people might have about us or we might have about people, his egoistic attitude, this character will kill you mark these words, the only being the only one who deserves absolute pride is Allah subhanho wa Taala man else, what are we proud of, you know proud of, because of money, because of position, because of status, because of beauty. What what are we proud of everything is given by Allah subhanaw taala so humble yourself down, the more you humble yourself, the more Allah Subhana Allah will elevate your status in sha

00:42:59--> 00:43:44

Allah, Allah He to Allah. So, also point number 10 is decide on the solution for the problem together, in person in person. Don't try to text people, you know your wife, for example, or your husband for example, or someone whom you have, you know, conflict with, dispute with fight with in text or email or phone, no, resolve it in person, when you are sitting together, having the ability, having the patience, if within you and sit, resolve that matter. But if you think sometimes sitting together alone, with that person, you know may cause more problem.

00:43:45--> 00:43:52

Have someone who is a neutral person, but sit and resolve together in person insha Allah

00:43:53--> 00:44:16

sometimes you need to seek, you know, professional advice, professional advice, whether it's from the family counselor, or the counselor who understands the deen of Allah subhanho wa Taala who knows how to set affairs right in the light of the Quran, and the teachings of the Prophet of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam insha Allah the

00:44:18--> 00:44:59

last two pointers inshallah and with which I will end this session inshallah and will take up the questions if you have any. So what we need to also realize and understand is you need to give priority to solve the problems as early as possible. Don't drag the problem, don't delay the problem, the more you procrastinate, it's going to make the problem more versed. So, take priority. Take time, take your energy, take your effort, make sure that you fix the problem as soon as possible. Don't delay it. The more you delay, the more it's going to worsen it the more it will be difficult to

00:45:00--> 00:45:33

For you to resolve the problem, it's your life, my brothers, it's your life, my sisters, if you do not take time to resolve it, if you do not take focus, attention, to resolve it, how is how is going to happen? Subhan Allah. So, yes, Allah Almighty will help but he helps those who help themselves. So we need to ensure that we take priority in terms of addressing the problem as soon as possible in sha Allah be isn't Allahu taala

00:45:34--> 00:46:31

one very, very important, you know, Subhan Allah principle that Allah subhanaw taala gives in the Quran will help us, you know, big time in sha Allah is the principle where in we actually are being educated by Allah subhanaw taala, that good and bad are not equal. So good and evil, they're not equal. Allah subhanaw taala he says in surah facilite surah number 41. And but 34 good and bad are not equal. And Allah gives an advice Allah gives an instruction, Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, In the far ability, he doesn't repel the bad with that which is good. So what you what you do in the situation where people are good to you and you're good to them? That's not you know, the beauty of

00:46:31--> 00:47:27

relationships, that's good, but that's not that's not excellent. What Allah subhanaw taala says is when anybody do bad to you, you repel with that which is inshallah good. And Allah subhanaw taala says something remarkable, something powerful. Allah Almighty, He says, You will when you do this practice by removing the bad with that which is good, you will find that person who was an enemy to you was hating you was in conflict with you, a close friend. So Allah subhanaw taala uses the word, Wali Yun Hamid, a close friend, an intimate friend, a nice friend who understands you, who cares for you, who will be your buddy forever insha Allah. So when you do this principle, when you practice

00:47:27--> 00:48:13

this principle in your life, is the ability here doesn't repel the bad with that which is good insha Allah respect will come in place, patients will come in place forgiveness will come in place, you know, you will be able to manage egos, you will be able to bear things in a proper way you'll be able to face things in a in a in a right perspective. Insha Allah, Allahu taala, my beloved brothers and sisters, may Allah Subhana Allah ease the problems, the challenges, the difficulties, that all of us are going through and provide a solutions which will, you know, give and grant mercy from Allah subhanaw taala sukoon in our lives, peace and satisfaction in our lives in sha Allah, and give

00:48:13--> 00:48:58

this element of pleasure within the family fabric, may Allah subhanaw taala shower his choices to blessings on every one of us and make our family a pious family, a family who runs and governs their life based on the principles of the Quran, and the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam as I said, My beloved brothers and sisters, whether it is personal problem, or family problem, marital problem, whatever the problems is, whatever the conflicts that we have with people, understand, life is too short, to invest yourself and indulge yourself in conflicts, in fights, in disputes in problems, come out of it.

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And ask Allah subhanaw taala for a better growth for a better thing, in this dunya and in the hereafter. I asked Allah subhanaw taala to help us and give us the position to be in the company of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, witnessing the face of Allah subhanho wa Taala we are here today and in hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen

00:49:30--> 00:49:59

wa salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Joseph allow her and she's got a wonderful and wonderful tips on how to resolve the problems May Allah give us tawfeeq to repel evil and be good to resolve all our differences Armenia salami, shape, we have a few questions in the chat box. So inshallah we'll take them kick Shall we shall see the first question is with regards to how can we differentiate between sub and zoom like

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One is always understanding that they are doing Sabra, but in fact, they actually bearing zoom. So how can we differentiate that? How do we resolve this issue and this problem Subhana Allah, this is very, very important, and we need to qualify it very, very clearly. At times, we know that some people, they actually face room oppression, you know, by by others, and they are being told that, you know, you just be patient. That is not what Islam prescribes. That is not what Islam prescribes. Islam says, at times, when you have a rift, when you have a conflict, when you have dispute with each other, when you have a problem with each other, have the ability of forgiving each other, and

00:50:58--> 00:51:53

gain the ability of pardoning each other, and don't get into fights. But you don't have to, I don't have to reveal Myself and get oppressed by someone in the name of patients, right? I can't do that you don't have to do it. We talked about in our previous session, something called self care, you have your own word, you have your own value. Yes, you need to be patient in situations, but you don't have to, you know, face volume, because the way oppression, oppressor is bad, being oppressed, is also bad. facing this room from anyone is also bad, there is always a dividing line, a red line that nobody should cross it, regardless of who that person is, whether it's husband or wife, or in

00:51:53--> 00:52:45

laws, or parents or siblings, or any relation, you need to have certain, you know, red blind, this is my limit of burying it. Beyond that is actually violating my own status, my own self esteem, where my own integrity is at stake. And I'm being played around by people in the name of being patient. So, in Islam server is actually you know, done in three situations, number one, where you actually implement what Allah subhanaw taala told us and commanded us to do it. So, you continue implement, you know, you continue to implement what Allah subhanaw taala commands you, of course, that requires patience, right. Number two, we need to understand that certain things which are

00:52:45--> 00:53:34

prohibited by Allah subhanaw taala for that also, we need to have patience and Subhanallah boon is a prohibited thing. You know, as I mentioned in the past sessions, man assume innocent person, for that person, because he is the monsoon, anybody who does zoom against that mushroom against that person, who is an innocent, Allah will wage a war against that person. So, we need to know know that we have to be patient, when while abstaining from that which is haram. And the third status or level is wherever whenever there is a calamity, whenever there is a wrong whenever there is something, you know, goes against our wishes, we have to be patient, but nobody has the right to oppress anyone,

00:53:34--> 00:53:57

nobody has the right to insult or humiliate each other, we need to have that line of respect, you know, for everyone, regardless of who that person is. So, being patient is definitely important. But being oppressed is something which is not at all acceptable in Islam, insha Allah

00:53:59--> 00:54:08

just below her and she just has a comprehensive answer and may inshallah we understand the concept of self care and differentiate between supper

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shed the second question is from the searcher and the issue is with regards to jealousy?

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The question is specific with regards to jealousy between sister in law, where the sister in law is not so beautiful, and the other one is, so there is a hatred in between and the haters is too intense. So how do we deal with such situation a lot as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, and set the standards in place. The problem is we many times are not aware of the standards given by Allah and His messenger and we actually get into problems or we get into certain situations where we actually, you know, Subhan Allah, get into these complexities. So where the

00:55:00--> 00:55:25

Matter of beauties concerned, as, as an English we say beauty lies in the eyes of beholder Subhana Allah, first and foremost that sister whoever thinks that she is not beautiful, she needs to be counseled that she is the one who is made by or created by Allah subhanho wa Taala. So, the problem of jealousy can be addressed

00:55:26--> 00:56:15

at the second level, the problem of self you know, esteem which is actually getting dropped because of this perception has to be addressed. So, that you actually addressed to the root problem, who says that someone is not beautiful when everyone is created by Allah subhanaw taala and the beauty lies in the heart mainly, the criteria in Islam is the beautiful heart, the pure heart, Calvin Salim This is what something which is going to be, you know, accepted in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. And based on this, the agenda will be given after the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So, a person needs to be counseled that you are who you are Subhana Allah, regardless how your appearance

00:56:15--> 00:56:39

look like you are and you need to gain that momentum that you are Alhamdulillah created by Allah subhanaw taala when the problem of jealousy comes, the sister needs to advise that regardless of any relation, whether it is sister in law, or someone outside or who ever it is, comparison,

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on appearances, is our incorrect standard. Because if someone is beautiful, good looking, the other person will be more beautiful than that person, and the other person will be more beautiful than that beautiful lady. So it goes on and on. Where will you stop? Where will you end your journey. So that criteria itself, the comparison, standard is absolutely incorrect. So the sister needs to be advised number one, that you are beautiful in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala as long as your heart is beautiful, to the Genesee Subhanallah, it will not it's not going to change the situation, it's going to be the same. And it's going to actually be worse than because jealousy is something

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which is prohibited in Islam and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, jealousy, it actually you know extinguishes your your your good deeds as the fire extinguishers or spoils or destroys the word Allahu Akbar. So do you want your good deeds to be vanished? No. So if you don't want then don't be jealous. Jealousy also comes because you don't have tawakkol in Allah subhanaw taala trust in Allah subhanaw taala you need to really value who you are because you are created by Allah subhanaw taala Allah decides you to be like that say Alhamdulillah and carry on with your life. So stop comparison and start advising each other and stop thinking that someone is not

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beautiful and someone is too beautiful than me. So these criterias these standards needs to be addressed at the fundamental level inshallah and once we do that consistently, inshallah and sister will be settled in this in this matter inshallah.

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Joseph allow her unshaved Mela cleanse and purify our hearts from every kind of person. I mean, I mean your blood and shake the next question is from a brother and probably a very common question that how to balance between mother and wife, when they are always fighting with each other, how can a man resolve the issue, when he does not want to hurt anyone, neither the mother nor the wife. So how can that balance come right? Now, this is the very very very common scenario where we see in extended family of course, in the nucleus family, as we mentioned, whether involvement of elders and the presence of physical presence of elders are not there. The problem doesn't exist, but in an

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extended family, the problem persists. And this is a very practical Lee faced problem by all of us, in our families. Now, how do we balance now most of the situation can be settled with, with with wisdom. Now, wisdom demands that you actually fulfill the rights of both the parties give the rights as the mother deserves to get, give the rights to the wife as she deserves to get, you know, for herself. Most of the time, the problem comes that you give more importance to one party and then less importance to the other party. Yes.

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The mother can't take the position of the wife, the wife cannot take the position of the mother, Allah has placed them in your life. So you need to give the respect and value them proportionately, you know, as they deserve, when they get satisfied with their needs and wants from you what expectation as a mother she has what expectation as a wife, she has, when you do your best in fulfilling their needs, in fulfilling their rights, most of the time, the problem doesn't get worst. But the moment you try to give rights and fulfill the rights of the mother, and you ignore the wife, or you give full right to the wife, and you ignore the mother, this is where the problem comes into

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existence. So you cut the roots and balance it by number one, making sure that you fulfill the rights or you strive to fulfill, again, we we need to also understand Subhanallah we cannot expect from our side selves, and others. Perfection we cannot expect from imperfect being perfection, it's it's not possible. So there will be certain, you know, shortcomings that will be there, but living with them in the best possible way. Insha Allah, the wisdom demands that you fulfill the rights of each party, what that party deserves, that's number one. Number two, you try to bring up the goodness of the wife in front of the mother meaning that you can, you can, you know, at times speak

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a lie as well, which is allowed in Islam in certain conditions, that, you know, mom, she was telling, you know, so many good things about you, that will soften the heart of the mother and will develop the love for the daughter in law. And same thing you could do with your wife, you know, in the absence of your mother, so, that's number two, you you develop the heart or you softness in both the parties heart number three, you need to read

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Can y'all hear the shape?

01:03:08--> 01:03:08

Is it okay now?

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Yes, we can hear you now, okay. So, what I was mentioning is you need to know you know, how you can actually set the rights of each other Subhana Allah in a in a better way, by making sure that you fulfill their rights inshallah, also, you need to understand that sometimes you need to, you know, create a situation, create a scenario wherein, you, you, you show up the goodness of each other in front of them in front of them. So, for example, you could say, you know, wife to cook something which the mother likes, and you could say sometimes to gift the, to give the, your wife by your mother. So, this also helps, and I was mentioning, you know, the first situation is, if the, if the

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in laws are good, if still the mother, if still the wife says not to be with with the family, yes, she has the right but I would advise that accommodate yourself, give the leverage and ease to the husband and live when there is no problem in sha Allah. Sometimes when you're living with the in laws, there are they are nice at times, and they are bad at times. Again in that situation, you need to really evaluate and measure if the good is is is higher, then you can still live with them in patients, but certain times, where situation is worst, where there is an abusive use of language, where sometimes abusive use of actions also then there is a very, very clear, standard and advice

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from the scholars

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Then the wife has absolute right? And it's become it becomes the obligation upon the husband to make sure that he provides a separate home to the wife. And that is a ultimate solution inshallah, for for such problems, so you need to really measure where do you, you know, you know, stay yourself where do you fit in, in which category in which level that you fit in, most of, you know us, the people at large, they fit in the second category where at times there are problems, but more times there is So, we need to measure the situation and take it accordingly insha Allah and of course, it's an ongoing battle that we have to actually go on in our lives, we can't say, or we can't ignore

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either of the parties inshallah. And most importantly, we need to ask Allah subhanaw taala to grant to grant good wishes, good feeling for each other in their hearts insha Allah with Elijah, Allah

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does not allow for any shake for a comprehensive answer. Like grant Sakina to all of us. I mean, in this particular situation, I mean, I mean, Aeroplan

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Mar double shake. Yes, yes.

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Now, I think the next question is from the brother. That is, with regards to the privacy of the couples between the couples, they have issue with regards to individual privacy, or personal space, they feel that there is an interference from the partner. So it should, should there be an issue of privacy, or it should be a total transparency between partners and openness to build strong trust to avoid any margin of misunderstanding? What shaytan would try to bring in? Yes. Now this is also very common, which we need to really have gained the understanding about everyone's life is an individual life. Yes, it's true that they became you know, partners, they became spouses will hamdulillah by

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the will of Allah subhanaw taala. But Islam prescribes the individual privacy at times, sometimes the Vive needs space, and the husband need still needs to make sure that he provides that space, he cannot intervene in each and every matter of the wild, you know, as long as it obviously, it doesn't go against the Quran and the Sunnah. As long as the privacy is something which is related to, for example, related between their own family, the wife and their own family, he needs to give privacy, he needs to give space, he needs to show that you know, you are individual at times, where you have your own life, you have your own time you have your own decisions to take, you're open to do so. And

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unless she comes forward and seek some suggestions, some advice from the husband, yes, you're you can do that at that time. Similarly, it goes with the husband as well. The husband has their own lives, they have their own, you know, individual, you know, focus, individual standard of living. So the wives, they don't need to be possessive on each and everything and intervene and interfere. Too much of that, as Allah subhanaw taala mentions, one just said to you know, don't spy each other Don't be so much in in connection with each other, that you actually lose your own individual lives. And Allah. So the Islamic way of living is you give respect and space to each other on an individual

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level. And, of course, as I said, let's not take it in a wrong way where husband can do whatever he wants, or wife can do whatever she wants, and there is no interference of each other that that that is not what I mean, what I mean is, at times she needs her own space for certain things. And at times, the husband needs his own space, we need to respect and trust because you know, the the crux of the entire relation of husband and wife is based on trust. So you trust each other. And you don't want to get into you know, a vein in each other's life extensively, right? Regardless, maybe your husband your wife, but still you need to give that space and time for each other insha Allah and

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Allah knows best.

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She has a new shift for the dancer shake the next question is from brother and it is like, is it right approach to set high standards is early days of marriage when you're spending too much and trying to impress each other with gifts, Joy struggles, etc. But later when life realizes regularizes with responsibilities, the couple feels to be the same levels and often this leads to discipline

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Winter between them. So what's the right approach in dealing with these kinds of issues? Right, no doubt that the initial phase of marriage is very, very crucial. And that's, that actually sets the base as a foundation for your future, you know, insha Allah. So no doubt you need to, you know, really care for each other. You need to really meet the expectations of each other or strive to meet the expectations of each other. But it is definitely not recommended to show up the very high standards for each other, for which either of the parties will not be able to cope up on a longer run, the relationship of the husband and wife is not for few weeks, it's not for few months, it's

01:10:53--> 01:11:47

Subhan Allah, in general cases, it's until they die until either of the party dies. So the real the governance of the Quran and the Sunnah is latok. Lo fi Dini, do not go in extremes of your religion, of your deen and SubhanAllah. Marriage, as I mentioned in the past session is a rather don't go in extremes of anything, the more you go in extreme, the more you will face the consequences, which is not in favor of either of the parties. So yes, you need to invest time with each other in the initial phase, because that's the phase where you understand each other's personality, where you know each other you get to have the that awareness for each other's personality. But don't raise the

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standards too high, and for which you will regret one day that you know, Subhanallah I shouldn't have done that, you know, at the initial phase of my life, the outcome or the result of which, which is negative, I'm facing now. So always live a balanced life. There is a Baraka in living a balanced life, even though Allah has made you capable of you know, for example, buying an extra super expensive, you know, thing for your wife. Right? balance it, because, in balance, there is beauty in balance, there is burqa and in balance, there is permanency, there is long term benefit in balancing your lifestyle and expectations between each other insha Allah

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just allow for and she

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she next question is actually from a sister posted by another within the China group. If Allah Almighty has put the hammer and mawatha between husband and wife, then why after within few years, it goes away, as we seen many families today

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Subhan Allah as you rightly mentioned that Allah subhanaw taala is the one who plays the love, affection and mercy between each other between husband and wife. And

01:13:13--> 01:13:32

so why do we actually, you know, see couples who get departed you know, who gets separated within few days, sometimes within few months, sometimes within few years, because they do not live on the terms and conditions set by Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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When we want love and affection and mercy between each other, willing to live with each other based on the terms set by a lion, His Messenger, we want solutions in our life from Allah for the problems that we want to continue to do it. Allahu Akbar, how is it possible? So when we want Masada and Rama, that is love, affection and mercy in our life as a couple, as as spouses for each other, then we have to follow the guidelines by Allah Subhana Allah and His messenger. So the moment we actually deviate and set our own standards, set our own rules, govern our own lives by our whims and desires. And then we want to expect the same solution to remain as it is, that is more than Rajma. That's not

01:14:30--> 01:14:59

possible. So when we adopt something from Islam at point one, we need to continue with that with other terms and conditions set by Allah and His Messenger in order to avail the placement of Masada and Rama in our lives, the love affection and the mercy in our lives in sha Allah. So as long as we comply with the rules and

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The regulations set by Allah and His Messenger guaranteed. This is guaranteed that you will have the love and you will have the mercy for each other insha Allah, Allah Allah, I asked Allah subhanaw taala for every couple that may Allah subhanaw taala send in the the ability, the trade of love and affection for each other and having mercy for each other amin Yoruba and amin,

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amin Malala mean she just loves her and for the dancer Sheikh mela gives us the right ability and toffee to follow the Quran and Sunnah in the correct manner. I mean, I mean,

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shape the next question is from the sister is cooking a duty for husband if we are not feeling well.

01:15:50--> 01:16:01

Right? In Islam, the ruling is obligations, obligations, rights, set by Allah subhanaw taala it will,

01:16:03--> 01:16:56

it will be removed, when there are certain things happen in that scenario. For example, if a person does anything, which is unknown to him, although it's an obligation, because he does not know Allah will not put you accountable number to a person he does things by mistake, he does not intention he or she does not intentionally want to miss it for example, but somehow he or she did not do what Allah commanded, commanded and talking about obligations, then Allah will forgive. Third is related to the ability if the wife is not physically able, then that condition that obligation of serving the husband does not hold good. It does not hold God because she is not capable.

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She is not physically able. So Allah Almighty says in the Quran law you can live for Allah who nafcillin illa was aha Allah will not put a burden on you that which you cannot bear. So when Allah is not going to put a burden on a person which he or she cannot bear, who are

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I think she has got some problems inshallah he will be live with us like again probably some internet issues

01:18:46--> 01:18:52

oh please bear patients with us inshallah, she will be back submitting issues at his end.

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As we speak about problem solving, there appears the technical problem again and May Allah grant us a gel for this reading inshallah, as we all waiting for, for knowledge, knowledge in the way of Allah subhanaw taala How to Deal how to deal with the problems in the light of Quran and suta how to resolve issues in the light of Quran and Sunnah and she is beautifully guiding us in a very simple manner, how to deal with such issues, please bear with us inshallah, she will be back some technical issues that isn't.

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This is inshallah last session on the problem solving series. inshallah. Next, we will surely come up with something different. Yeah, I think she gets

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back.

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Selling ship. Welcome Salam Rahmatullah. Can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you and we can see you Alhamdulillah Allah, I apologize for this. Las panatela is our matters from Allah. So I was mentioning inshallah, I think we can conclude with this, with this, you know, note that the obligation does not hold, when the ability does not come into play. So I was mentioning that even though if she's not obliged to, she could probably, you know,

01:20:36--> 01:21:22

put up some alternative arrangements that will reflect the quality of Epson for each other and that is the quality that is the approach that actually develops more love and care for each other. Insha Allah so we ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant us wisdom, now wisdom in in dealing with problems or whether it is personnel, whether it's family problems, whether it is marital problems, it helps a lot. So you don't close your minds. You think open you think far and wide. You try to find out alternatives in life, and they will there are multiple alternatives. Let's not live in a closed mind. Let's not live in a in a way that is very much restricted. Live in an open way. Open up your

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minds, open your heart, and whenever you want to do something good. It is Allah subhanho wa Taala who will make a way out for you insha Allah as Allah subhanho wa Taala says, well, Alina jaha delphina Lana, Deanna Han Soo Donna, we're in Allah Allah Allah Hassanein, Allah subhanaw taala. He says that whoever strives in our way, whenever you we want to do anything good, Allah will make a way that which we can never imagine, and Allah subhanaw taala is with the good doers. So try to, you know, find alternatives, try to find ways to do good insha Allah so that we can, you know, resolve problems, we can live with peace and ease with each other. I ask Allah Subhana Allah to bless each

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one of us walking Diana and Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen.

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Just love her and shape shift. We do have a few questions here in the chat box. I see. So can we can we? Yes. Can we request you? Yeah, thank you shake. Thank you so much. We probably have four questions. Now. The question is from a brother, if a husband is working in another country, and family staying in the native country, then for how long can you stay without meeting his family, especially his wife.

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Right. In Islam, there is no specific, you know, timeframe that is given. As such, however, you know, Islam obviously encourages a person to be with the family. So what he could do is he can lower down, probably the way of living, the lifestyle can be dropped down a little bit, the expenses, should, should probably drop down, if financial is the is the factor for for, for not being together, other things can be compromised. So again, whenever we want to do that, which is good, and being with the family is something that is good. So Allah will make a way in sha Allah, Allah will enrich you, and will give you venes that will help you to be with your family. So number one, what

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should be there is the willingness to be with the family and the sense of being together insha Allah that will help. Sometimes we see that the people they don't want to really work hard, number one, to go an extra mile in order to make sure that they can bring their family and be with them together. Or sometimes they want to live a lavish life individually. And because of that, they are not able to save they are not able to manage their affairs as such, they live you know, away from the family. And there could be certain genuine cases wherein a person is driving hard, but still not able to visit or to keep the family together, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to ease the situation, but if

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there is a possibility, and you should try to work on these possibilities, you should at least you know or be with the family at least in within six months within you know, to three months, the more you are frequently with the family, the more it is better for your relationship in sha Allah. But the best scenario is sometimes you might have to lose a bigger offer. But to be with the family is a greater win, as opposed to that which offers you a bigger, you know, bigger benefits, you know, financially speaking, so the point of priority should be in place that being with the

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family should be your priority number one, earning, you know, high is should not be your priority, which unfortunately many people have. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to ease all the genuine cases in sha Allah.

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I mean, I mean, you know, Bill Allah mean, shake the cushion from a sister

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patients threshold is different for each individual. So what are your suggestions for building patients? Absolutely, you know, every life everyone's life is different. Everyone's capacity is different. Allah subhanaw taala made everyone different. Allah subhanaw taala gave everyone different problems and challenges. Allah subhanaw taala gave everyone different levels of challenges in their lives. We know that the prophets and the messengers they were the the number one ones who actually faced the the most difficult challenges ever Subhan Allah because their Eman was of that level, you and I if we were to put on test on certain problems will fail miserably. So Allah give

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problem to Allah gives problem to different people based on their own capacities. So the rule rule is absolutely same for everyone, based on whatever I as an individual can bear I should bear, I should be patient about I should fulfill the standard of being steadfast. In my own way, I don't need to compare anyone, I don't need to look at others life, I need to look at my own life, you as an individual, know your capacity, how much you can bear and Subhanallah one fine fact that I would like to also mention over here is we need to live with this conviction with this belief and thought process that Allah will not put you an individual, Allah will not give you a problem, or he will not

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put you into a situation that which you cannot bear. So every problem, every challenge, it might be different, it might be different level, it might be different in nature, but every problem to each individual is given that which is bearable. So every problem in our lives is that which is bearable. So it's just that we lose out, you know, easily we pass out easily with with patients from Han Allah. So the level of patience is on individual level. And I need to know you need to know as an individual, that this is Alhamdulillah whatever is Allah is giving me is putting me through these tests is something that I can bear it with this thought process. Number one, we need to begin our

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journey of life. And two, we need to always seek the help from Allah subhanaw taala seek the help through patience and prayer. As I always always mentioned, you know, to peace, patients and prayer will help you big time. So yes, I agree that everybody's life is different. Everybody's levels are different, everybody's challenges are different. So Allah is going to account you account me based on your in my capacity in sha Allah. So just be aware of your own abilities and capabilities and insha Allah you will get through with this phase of life.

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Joseph allow her and shake, shake. The this particular is a very specific question though we have dealt with a similar topic on a generic level. But since the sisters posted here, I think we should take it the sisters have reverted Muslim and husband his husband used to beat her on small things and locked her up in home since five years. Everyone told her to compromise but she wants to divorce what should What should she do?

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Right as I mentioned, there are levels of you know bearing in any relationship, there should be a we should draw a red line in all relations. Anybody who wants to cross that line has no right to violate and to abuse or to insult or humiliate or in this case, beat anyone, you are not allowed to face any oppression. anyone for that matter are not allowed to face any oppression or being oppressed, you know, in the name of patient is that as I'm qualified, you know, in my previous you know, mentioning that patience is different and oppression is different, right? So you need to know that, for example, in this specific case that you are going through. If the husband is persistent to

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behave in the same way as he did in the past, and you as an individual knows that person very well that that person is not going to change at all, even after counseling even after being advised by people even after being

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You know, told that this is something which is not at all acceptable, if you have no hopes at all, and you know that this person is not going to change at all, then, obviously, for these kinds of reasons and these kinds of situations, Islam gives the allowance of hula of divorce by a woman, where she respectfully comes out of marriage. And after spending her, she can again remarry. So if a situation that you are describing to us if that is something which is of the same nature, where you don't find any hope, from this person, that he is going to change, have you really made all those attempts? Have you taken those steps because obviously, you know, for a revert, in particular, it

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might be more challenging Subhanallah to get separated. So you need to really analyze your situation closely based on a neutral mindset, that whether this person is going to change or not, have you taken those steps for him to get sometimes, you know, self awareness that what a person is doing is wrong, if that all things are done, everything is you know, being practiced, still, there is no change, then obviously, Islam allows you to take the divorce, and live respectful life instead of being locked up for five years of few months, or get beaten by an individual who has no right to beat you in sha Allah. May Allah subhanaw taala is your situation sister, and the rest is

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amin, amin realize everyone's a fair

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shake. Next question from a sister in laws are treating daughter in law as a servant to complete 1000 course. And she doesn't want to live with them. What is the duty of the husband? Who should he obey?

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I think it's the point. It's not about obeying. Here. The point is being just being fair, being a person who takes the side which is truth. Allah subhanho wa Taala. He says in Surah, Nisa surah. Number four is number 135. That Oh, you will believe you're Latina, amanu, or you will believe stand firmly for justice, even if the Justice goes against yourself, against your parents, against your loved ones. Right against anyone, whether it be ritual for whatever justice must be practiced. This is what Allah subhanaw taala commands in the Quran. Right? So it's about justice. So a person has to really see the situation. And if the wife is being completely exploited by the, by the parents, you

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know, he has to make sure that he take her to a separate home, or he has to advise them clearly, to keep the the line of respect as I was mentioning, and to teach them to advise them and respectfully, that she if she cooks for the loss, if she does anything, any work for the loss, it's basically a kindness that she's showing, she is not obliged to do so. She does not have an obligation to do anything for the inlaws. However, this should not go in another extreme where, you know, the in laws are good, but she says that, no, it's not obligation on me, I will not do so. It should not we should not take things into extremes. We need to be balanced. As I said, balance gives you Baraka

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balance, give you permanency it's a long term relationship management inshallah. So the the husband needs to really address this issue, because this is domestic violence. This is done in the name of marriage, where the abuse of the words, you know, sometimes physical abuse is happening. This is absolutely not at all, you know, seen as as,

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you know, a good thing. It's absolutely devilish. It's absolutely evil. And as the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, whenever you see anything wrong, stop it with your hand. If you can't do it with your tongue, if you can't do it, at least feel bad in your heart. And I'm sure you're being a husband, a person, being a husband, a person being a son, or, you know, he will be able to manage this situation better. So fundamentally, number one, he needs to advise his parents not to treat you or the sister as a slave, because she's not. She's not very clearly

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to if they really do not, you know,

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you

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You know carry on with this mindset and then if they are persistent to continue we know treating the daughter in law as a slave then obviously she has absolute right to get separated and the husband has an obligation to give and grant her a separate you know home and and provide all all her needs insha Allah

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is up aloha Jake shape inshallah we will take this last question for today's session.

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The question I presume it's your cultural question, is it allowed to call the husband by name if he permits?

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Is it allowed to call the husband by name if he permits, right I mean,

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it's absolutely allowed to call each other with with name however, you know, as we see the marital life of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was absolutely romantic you So, this is a Hello relation a husband and wife can call each other by any names with any you know way as they wish to as they love for each other as they as they feel more closer for each other, you know, apart from having a regular name, they can call each other with any name as long as it does not, you know, go against the Quran and the sooner so, there is nothing wrong in calling each other by name. It is in certain cultures that actually feels that it is derogatory. It is disrespectful to call you know,

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for a wife to call, you know, her husband by name Subhan Allah, it has nothing to do it has no relevance with Islamic you know, teachings. So it's absolutely you know, okay as long as the husband and wife they are okay with each other insha Allah, Allah Allah

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just allow her and she this was the last question for the session and yeah really delighted Sheikh for this comprehensive and beautiful series of problem solving Alhamdulillah we had four episodes on this problem problem solving series, and we have learned immensely from from the shake and grant you Jenna shake and May Allah grant you more now May Allah grant you the ability to deliver the knowledge in the most simple way which you're doing shake and which will benefit the Omar at large amin, amin, Europol, Allah mean, I also take this approach to thank the audience who have been really wonderful Han. They have humble come up with very good questions which have benefited others,

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when these questions are answered the others have also benefited from this question. So I thank all audiences as well and insha Allah, we will surely come up with some other series in future and we will let you know to our channels so please stay tuned and be be watching our channels for our next programs. inshallah. I take this approach in to thank everyone just koolau hiren Baraka la feeco