Marital Family Problems & Islamic Solutions | Live Session (Part 1)

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Ahmed Hamed

Channel: Ahmed Hamed

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Episode Transcript

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Brothers and sisters, I once again welcome you all with the Islamic greeting a salaam aleikum, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh with the Peace, blessings and mercy of Allah subhanaw taala be upon all of you.

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This is your brother Farouk Romani, and insha. Allah, Allah, I will be your host for the session today.

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This session is a third session on a series of problem solving. Today's session is on the topic, marital and family problems, inshallah we will have two episodes on the session. However, for today's session, we will only be dealing with marital problems. So, please send your questions only on the issues of marital problems for other family problems inshallah we will attend to them during our next episode on 27th of November Bismillah Allah This is an initiative of almenara Islamic Center. almoner Islamic Center is run under the patronage of her highness Sheikha hint with MK to be Jamal metu wife of His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime

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Minister of UAE and Ruler of Dubai. We thank Allah subhanaw taala for choosing us all to be a part of this learning group, amin and mu n and we pray that may Allah subhanaw taala continue continue us in this journey of of learning.

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Before we begin, let me do a brief introduction of a chef today a shake a chef Ahmed Hamad, who is going to guide us on the topic, problem solving and marital and family issues. Sheikh Ahmed Hamad is a motivational speaker on Islam and comparative religion. He's also a corporate trainer life coach with spiritual touch. He presents Islam in a dynamic way and clarifies misconceptions about Islam on the basis of Quran authentic teachings of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam and other world religious scriptures with reason, logic and scientific understanding.

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He's a former board member of Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum award for world peace stablished by the decree of His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of UAE and Ruler of Dubai.

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This is an initiative to accurately and fairly highlight Islamic teaching of peace has adopted that promotes harmony, tolerance and moderation. Sheikh Mohammed has gained prominence through his strategic approach in organizing large events, and has been a regular contributor to peace initiatives by putting together international conferences, lectures and programs. His main expertise or following public talks, dava trainings, personality development workshops, life coaching, organizing large conventions, Islamic courses, Islamic workshops, counseling programs, social guidance, life skills, training and mentoring. So stay focused as I present to you shake em and

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hamet on the topic, marital and family problems.

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Salam or Aleikum, wa Rahmatullahi wa barakato

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Bali was Salam rahmatullah wa barakato Shia

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Alhamdulillah Hera Bella alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Hill, Kareem Wanda Lee was Javi a Jemaine

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are also Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim. rubbished roughly surgery were siddalee Omri wha Hello cordata melissani Yes, tahu Kohli,

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my beloved brothers and sisters, I welcome all of you in this another live webinar from our series of problem solving. Well hamdulillah at the beginning, we thank and praise Allah subhanahu wa taala and we reaffirm that there is no diversity worthy of worship except Allah subhanho wa Taala we believe and we reasserting that he is indeed the ultimate problem solver. We believe that Allah subhanho wa Taala is the source of all protection, guidance, mercy, my beloved brothers and sisters, as brother farrokh mentioned, that Alhamdulillah by the grace of Allah subhanho wa Taala. We have been talking about problem solving.

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In the past two weeks, we dealt with certain problem

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problems related to personality, which are to be addressed on a personal level

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insha Allah, in the following two sessions, which is this session and the following one, we should broaden our mindset and see what are those problems that are related with marriage, as well as the family as a whole. And as you mentioned, that insha Allah in this session, we should limit ourselves to discuss and find out the most

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pragmatic and powerful solutions as it comes from Allah subhanho wa Taala. From the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam.

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By my brothers and sisters, ideally speaking, we are not meant to live as individuals alone. Yes, we need some space on an individual level. But we're not meant to live as individuals completely. And being in isolation. No, that's not what we are meant. As a part of our creation. We're meant to interact, women to connect with each other women to communicate with each other. And more importantly, we are meant to live with each other.

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Therefore, we have to engage in social connections, we have to be involved with each other and live with each other. And one of the fundamental ways of social connectivity, his marriage, Allahu Akbar,

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my brothers and sisters, I want you to broaden your mindset. I want you to give your heart just not mine. In Mark these words, that marriage is an Elisa. I repeat, marriage is an EVA is a worship to Allah subhanho wa Taala. A lot of us we tend to feel that this is something which is customary, and has nothing to do with what is called as religiosity. No, that's not what Islam talks about. This act of marriage is an Riba Allah subhanho wa Taala calls it as an aria, the relation between the husband and wife is called as an IRA. A sign of magnificent relation Subhan Allah, and as we know the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, Arnica from insanity, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi

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wa sallam, he said, a nikka marriage is my Suna and whoever goes away from it does not adopt it is not from me, or it has nothing to do with me. This shows that this act marriage itself is an Alibaba is a worship to Allah subhanho wa Taala Subhana Allah so every moment every act, that we engage during this relationship of husband and wife in this marriage, which is so pure, and from Allah subhanaw taala as an IR as a sign is any bother you look after each other is an ibadah you take care of each other's needs is an A bada even to an extent that you have intimate relations with each other is an Riba is a worship to Allah subhanho wa Taala as Allah azza wa jal he says in Surah, Al

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anon surah number six is number 162 pole in Salah T one no Suki y mahiya y Mati lillahi, Rabbil alameen say my prayers, my sacrifice my living and my dying is for Allah subhanho wa Taala The Lord of the worlds so living has a major portion of what of marriage of this family relationship.

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I think there is a drop down.

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Okay. So this whole relationship, this beautiful journey of marriage between the husband and wife is actually an early bird. So whatever you are doing is actually considered to be worship to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So now that we have established that this act, this marriage, you know, this

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journey that you as a husband, and you

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As the wife is going through, isn't a bada is actually to be followed in the light of what Allah subhanaw taala told, and in the light of what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam guided us and we need to be vigilant, we need to be conscious of this journey, why? Because we have to be mindful of how we should be Subhan Allah, as we could see that there are you know, to be very practical for scenarios that we fit in Subhana Allah sometimes we have number one husband is religious, and wife is not

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another scenario, the second scenario is wife is religious and husband is not. The third scenario is husband and wife, both are irreligious, ours, Allah, May Allah help us and protect us. And the fourth scenario is where husband and wife both are religious when hamdulillah but their religiosity is number one, the basic level is they are aware, they are aware of so many things, because they are religious, they are mindful, right. So they are aware of the, of the, you know, things which go through between husband and wife, and what does Islam talks about. So they are aware, but awareness alone will not help and solve our problems, isn't it, we need to be more to do with what with

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practice panela. So, this second level, which is a little higher is they are practicing but not very strong. So they are weak, sometimes they are strong at time. So they are striving couples, they are struggling couples, Subhan Allah and the highest level which we should always look at, is a level Subhanallah where both they strive and they practice for making this journey as a blissful journey, as a journey with full of bliss, happiness, satisfaction, when hamdulillah that is the benchmark that we should always aim at. Now. Unfortunately, my beloved brothers and sisters, it's actually an emergency situation, to discuss about the problems of marriage are the problems between the husband

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and wife is actually as an emergency situation. It's such a need Subhanallah, where we see the husbands are breaking up with wives and the wives they are breaking up with their husbands Subhan Allah, the situation is so terrible that sometimes the husband does not even come want to come back or does not wish to come back to home because he has to see his, his wife's face, Allahu Akbar, at times, you know, it becomes so horrible for a wife to bear and deal with the husband, that she wants an exhibit some of the other way. So, the need and the emergency is absolutely on the rise and it is vital that we discuss about the problems, it is significant that we find out the possible solutions

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by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala My beloved brothers and sisters, we know that sometimes

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it is because of the lack of focus of things which we have to do focus because of which or it leads to a way that destroys our marital relations. And I want you to pay attention to these following points because these are the points basically, is often forgotten by many of us, and because of which, you know, a lot of problems, they actually be there Subhan Allah, they always remain there Subhana Allah, so the first point is you as husband, and you as wife must be mindful and think that this relationship, this engagement, this connectivity of husband and wife is actually planned by Allah subhanaw taala and this is a blessing in itself. 100 Allah, so as a husband, as a wife, you

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should think that this relationship is a plan or the result of the plan of Allah subhanho wa Taala and you need to be happy about it. You need to be thankful to Allah subhanaw taala about it. That's number one. Number two, you both husband and wife must feel must feel accountable for each other because of this blessing. So whenever Allah gives a blessing, he holds us accountable for that blessing. He questions us about that.

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That blessing. So if a husband is a blessing for the wife, and the wife is a blessing for the husband, you both will be accountable by Allah subhanho wa Taala. Number three, you both are the means to achieve Sakina between each other, you as husband, you as wife are meant to see suckiness satisfaction, joy, certainty, pleasure, happiness, contentment between each other. So, this is the indicator, the relationship or the happiness indicator, if you as husband, and if you as wife does not feel, or does not seek or does not experience that serenity between each other, then there is a problem, there is a problem, because you're meant to be like that you're meant to seek Sakina

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satisfaction between each other Subhan Allah. And obviously, when you know, when you're convinced that you as husband and us wife is meant to seek the Sakina between each other, you don't compromise on this relationship, you don't fake out, you don't freak out to other things, you don't hang up with others, compromising or losing this relationship, because why you are convinced and you're certain that Subhanallah she is a means for my satisfaction, and he is a means for my satisfaction, there comes a focus and in place, there comes a relationship, you know, in tact, insha Allah, Allah Allah pointed before you both are meant to, to see each other, and to feel each other that you both

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are test as a test for each other, Euro Subhan Allah, a lot of blur is He made us each other in Thai people in the creation as a test for each other. So when I know that my wife is a test for me, and my wife knows that I'm a test for you, then things become more real, things become more clear, that I will be tested, she will be tested, and we have to make sure that we perform the best in this test so that we can live with rest in sha Allah. So, understanding the fact that each other is a test for one another Subhan Allah, point number five, which is the final point you both are meant as a source of growth Subhana Allah as a source of success, for each other, by the will of Allah subhanaw taala.

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So, if a husband feels that she will become, you know, a means for me to succeed, to grow in my life, and in the year after, he will focus and if she knows that, you know, my husband is a means for my growth and success with dunya and akhira in this world and in the year after, she will not also compromise so compromise on things which may take her away from her husband to Allah. So when we have these pointers in place, when we have this focus insha Allah our problems will resolve Vietnam Allah Allah now let me share with you five PS as a pillar for problem solving in the marriage or the problems that we face during this relationship of husband and wives, five peas as

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pillars as principles, and if we have these five peas in place, insha Allah, I guarantee you by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala we will be able to resolve our problems in a way that is divine in a way that is pleased by Allah subhanaw taala in a way that will give us happiness and beauty in this relationship of husband and wife Subhan Allah, the first P is piety. piety, taqwa, if our relationship if the husband and wives relationship is based on the first p that is stuck with Allah, the consciousness of Allah subhanho wa Taala I guarantee you, my beloved brothers and sisters, you will find that your affairs will be sacred. Why?

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Because if I know that Allah is watching, a lot of Vanessa is going to take my accounts, Allah has given me this blessing of a wife, Allah gave me this, this beauty or as as in the form of a wife, I will not you know, mess up with that and this

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Same goes with the wife Subhan Allah that is the reason at the time of nikka. The Bali he gives the nikka sermon and he recites three I art from the Quran and all these three IR one phrase is commonly mentioned by Allah subhanho wa Taala and that is it toquilla it, Allah, it duckula be conscious of Allah be conscious of Allah be conscious of Allah, why, at that moment at that crap but you know if most important time why tequila is being called for, because your relationship if it is based on the faith in a law on the consciousness of Allah subhanho wa Taala your affairs will be sacred inshallah, why you will be driven by the principles of Islam and they are meant for you to be happy

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in this world and the year after, by Allah. If you lose taqwa law, you will never ever be able to happy for dunya and akhira. So, why do we want to take a step on a direction that leads us to the path of destruction, when we have a clear cut, straightforward way where we see families can be mended, families can be protected, they can be you know, able to live a normal life. In reality, if we want all of this we have to be, you know, based our relationship on toquilla on the consciousness of Allah subhanaw taala. So that is the first p piety and the beauty, the outcome that comes out of piety is Allah mentions in sort of tala surah number 65 is number two and the last portion of two

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and the beginning portion of three if you know a lot of diseases woman yet Taka La Jolla Allah who Maharaja wire Zuko, whom in haste Allah Subhana Allah a lot of malaria says if you become Allah conscious, Allah will make a way for you, Allah will make a way for you. And he will provide you from the means which you can never imagine. So if, for example, Abdullah and Amina is into a problem is into this marital conflict, if they are going through, you know, this spousal problems, the marital issues, this conflict, if both of them they feel they bring a lot into their minds, aligned to their hearts, and then ask a lot of galerija to have that serenity factor in your heart. And when

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Allah when you become Allah conscious, Allah He, my beloved brothers and sisters, a lot of Bonanza is there for you to take you out from any problem, believe that, believe in what Allah Allah is. He says that when you become Allah conscious, Allah will make it very easy for you. So number one is piety number two, which is the principle as a pillar for the problem solving in marital issues, is patience and perseverance. Mark these words, if the husband or the wife, and both if they don't have patience, their marriage is not going to survive for long. That's not possible. This is a given Rule of Life, that if you want the husband if you want the wife, if you want, your relationship of this

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marriage wants to be in a beautiful way to be governed, it has to be led on the basis of patience and perseverance. If there is no patience, there is no point of having you know a crying over or are becoming depressed or becoming stressed out in a way that will not give you any fruits or any results. SubhanAllah so patience and perseverance is something which is so important that Allah subhanho wa Taala he says something

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you know, amazing Subhan Allah, He says in Allah ma Sabine, Allah is with those who are patient. So you as Abdullah husband, you as Amina wife, if you both are patients, you know and patients requires not just you know, over

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overseeing each other's faults, it requires calmness, it requires controlling your tongue, it requires you controlling your actions, it requires controlling your you know, humiliation for each other, and it improves respect value for each other love, care, compassion, concern, having that mobile element which Allah talks about that love having that that you know, concern

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That you both are different, you both are different Allah make you know united. So having that that patient element and having that preserve evidence will help you to resolve your problems in sha Allah. So that's the second p the first P is pi t the second P is patience and perseverance, the third P is positivity. If there is no positivity in the relationship or husband wife, then they are going to be suspicious, they are going to be skeptical about each other, their life is going to be a hell right here in this world. So panela negativity will always lead to that which is destructive Subhan Allah, so have personally done between each other you want solution, you need to start with

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the these pillars of practicing these pillars, piety, patience and perseverance, positivity have personally done give benefit of doubt. It's your husband, it's your wife, don't be so overly possessive that it leads to suspicion and Subhanallah many times suspicion is a sin Allahu Akbar. So how are we going to resolve the problems on the basis of negativity? No, of course not. That itself is a problem in itself. You're right. So we need to make sure that we are positive about each other insha Allah and the fourth P is peace. Allah subhanho wa Taala he says something beautiful and I want all of you to to live this marital life on basis on the basis of this idea, which talks about

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beautiful insights of this relationship. You know, Allah subhanho wa Taala he says in Surah to room and I want you to go or wherever you are, open this after the session and reflect on it surah to room so number 30 on number 21 Allah subhanho wa Taala he says Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillah Ar Rahman AR Rahim waman ir T and cola cola coming on forsaken as wotja Allah subhanaw taala says and one of his signs up is that the the he created for you spouses from among yourselves and Allah gives a purpose. What is the purpose? What is the outcome? What is the fruit of this relationship? A lot of money or is it only to school no Elijah, so that you can find tranquility,

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comfort in them? Subhana Allah comfort certainty pressure is what is the byproduct of this relationship called marriage Allahu Akbar. If that is not there, then that is that is a red indicator, you know it's a red light, that's a light where you have to see what's going on what's what's wrong, right what what what where where does relationship is going into mess, that is the you know indicator. So if there is no comfort and there is an issue, there is a problem solve that in sha Allah. So a lot of malaria is a little school, no la hub. And Allah goes further watch, I love being that come my word that omarama Allah subhanho wa Taala he says and he has made and he has

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placed between you love,

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affection and mercy mawatha and Rama. So, my mother is love, where you have clear you have concern you have you know, comfort Subhanallah you have responsibility, all of it. Masada and aurasma is mercy, kindness, politeness, mercy, you know, forgiveness, all sorts of things. So Maota and Rama is what is needed Subhan Allah for us to be able to live happily as couples Subhana Allah, so, peace is what we aim for. So Amina and Abdullah they both should have their minds, you know, equally important, you know, give equal importance to what is called as peace SubhanAllah. Of course, if we ask Abdullah and if he asked Amina, they both want peace, right? They want sukoon for their lives.

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And if if they do not want then obviously that's there is no point there is no purpose of this continuation of this relationship. So peace is something which is very important, which is the fourth p as a pillar as a pillar for our happy marriage in Sharla. And for problem solving as well. The fifth B is pardoning to forgiving, you know Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, pardon them, forgive them. Don't you want Allah to forgive you? today one of the biggest problems between couples is they don't want to forgive each other. They are eager to fight but they're not eager to pardon each other. pardoning is from Allah Subhana

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What are Allah? Allah says, If you pardon others, Allah will pardon you, Allah, Rob boulerice, he will have mercy on those who have mercy on others. Loss of Hannah who at Allah, he talks about this as a general rule, and this is your own spouse, this is your own husband, this is your own wife. Why don't you want to forgive? Why the heart is so stubborn? Why the heart is so hard and harsh, that you're not willing to forgive? One law, he my brother in law, he my sister, when you forgive people, you will feel light, you will feel cool, you will feel comfortable, you will feel relaxed. And the more you keep the grudge in your heart, especially with the one whom you live it day in and day out.

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So how to love your heart will become heard and Subhanallah Let me tell you this, the first person who will be negatively affected by not forgiving others is not others, it's you. Do you know that? It's you, when you have anger for each other. You are the first one who feel that you're not at rest. You don't feel that you're in peace, you don't feel that you're comfortable, you don't feel that you're in in happy or joyous moment. Nobody sees a person who has anger or who has grudges in his heart or in her heart sees that person as a as a as a happy person. No. So what is the point? What is the point? Now question may come? How long?

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Is the question that we actually, you know, see, and people ask how long we have to forgive each other? Well, until we die, Allahu Akbar. Why because forgiveness is an act of righteousness. And the act of righteousness should not be limited to a day, a month, year, but lifetime, lifetime. As I said, we have to know very well that we are we are given as a test for each other. So when we are given as a test for each other, take an opportunity to forgive, forgive you. You might have to forgive each other every single day. You might have to forgive each other every single hour, forgive, when you forgive you let it go, you raise above you don't get down. People think that when

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I forgive, I'm weak, no, you're not weak, you're strong, you're strong. The more you forgive, the more you're powerful because Allah subhanaw taala forgives you, the more you're Forgiving, the more Allah will give you more Subhan Allah so my beloved brothers and sisters have these five P's as the pillars and the principles for the happy marriage. And there you go, you will feel and you will be happy in sha Allah B is an Allahu taala and you will be able to solve the problems based on these pillars. Right so we'll discuss about you know, what are the problems and we'll try to you know, address the solutions in the light of the Quran and the Sunnah in the question and answer time, but

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I'm giving you the principles, the principles which you have to practice in your life in order to solve problems of different nature, it could be any way it could be of different type a different level different aspect No problem, right. All the problems have these principles keep in mind keep in mind when you have these principles inshallah, when you have these principles in your life, you will be settled inshallah, because these are the principles which are given by the Quran and based on the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So remember my beloved brothers and sisters, the five P's as pillars, for problem solving, you know, whether it is marital problems, family

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problems and all problems in sha Allah is the piety, patience, and perseverance, positivity, peace and pardoning. When you have these principles in mind, insha Allah, Allah, Allah is will give Sakina and I ask Allah Subhana who was Allah, to bless each one of you to bless all the couples with goodness, with joy with pleasure, we know that we are struggling, we know that we are having challenges of different nature. We know that we have conflicts within our homes, we know that there are issues within our homes, we ask you or Allah Subhana who would sign up to ease our lives to grant peace in our relationships so that we may live together in a blissful way in a joyous manner,

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in in this world where we fulfill each other's rights and we fulfill each other's responsibilities and the world.

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Fulfill each other's you know needs insha Allah, Allah Allah, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to help us all resolve our problems, and we ask Allah Subhana huhtala the ultimate problem solver to ease our situations, wherever we are, whoever we are, we are ultimately your slaves. Yeah, Allah, forgive us for our shortcomings and help us to improve our good habits. So that inshallah you will be pleased with us the way the moment we depart from this world. What are Hilda avana Anil hamdu, lillahi Rabbil alameen.

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Just love her and shake for that wonderful and insightful lecture on the marital problems. inshallah we all have gained and lessons from it. Diving into the questions. She's one of her sisters trying to get an answer for a question for past three weeks. So, we will take your question first

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sister's an adopted daughter, she married at the age of 14, and is 46 years old now. So in all 34 years of marriage, she has two sons, one is 25 years and the other is 29 years old. However, her husband has an extramarital affair. He hates

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they stay at the parent at the sisters, parents house and thusi cannot divorce her as she has, he has no house to stay.

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They make their ends meet through a rental income, which is also coming from her father.

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And whenever the sister has tried to involve the family of brother to solve the issues with them, it has always worsened. They are currently staying in different rooms away from each other.

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Sisters, parents always advisor to be patient. She's been patient for many years, but there has been no gain at all. Duty due to this situation, her elder son has also left them and staying separately with an older woman.

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How can I get cooler or resolve my situation?

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Right? So basically, there are multiple questions within this question. handler. So let me you know, address whatever I could insha Allah, Allah Allah. So first and foremost, we ask Allah subhanaw taala. To ease your situation, it's, it looks like a very complex situation, it looks like a very difficult situation that you're going through. So we, we all ask Allah subhanaw taala to ease your situation, I advise you, number one, number one, you have to understand your situation very well. And what I mean by it is, many times, we try to put ourselves in such a horrible situation, where we do not care for ourselves, where we don't really focus on ourselves, where we actually, you know,

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forego our own integrity, our own needs, our own desires, our own wishes, at the expense of you know, making others happy. That is fundamentally an incorrect way of, you know, solving the problem, as I mentioned, in our previous session, that there's something called a self care. Self Care is something which you actually care about yourself. You don't Xul yourself, nobody has the right to rule your life or my life, your life is important. My life is important. So self care is very, very important self care, it's where you actually take care of yourself, you take care of your integrity, you respect yourself, you value yourself, you feel that your worth, you know, you feel that you're,

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you're you're you're important, while hamdulillah not at the expense of insulting or humiliating others, but you are carrying yourself with with full respect insha Allah. So, this is very, very important for all of us to understand and the first instance number two, when such a problem is there, you need to evaluate where the gain is higher meaning

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your marriage or your situation

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can have some water,

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your situation or your state, if it is good, while you're in the marriage with that husband, who has you know extramarital affairs, or whether your situation is going to be better when you go out from the marriage, you need to really evaluate yourself first. Number two, you need to consult some experts or specialists who knows you and your you know, husband well

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Perhaps among your elderly, you know, you know, people who understand the situation who understand you who understand the husband as well. And they can actually be consulted based on a very clear pointer, that is whether staying, you know, when the husband in during these situations and scenarios is good or bad, if it's really bad, and if it's not at all, if it's not at all bearable, then Allah subhanaw taala allows, although this is not something desirable, but Allah allows because at times cola is a solution Indeed, for the sisters, and that is the reason there is a hikmah there is a wisdom behind it. So when you see there is a there is a

00:40:49--> 00:41:41

line which has been crossed and the boundaries have been broken, and there is no way that things will work out, then yes, this is there is a solution given by Allah subhanaw taala but that has to be very Calculatedly taken up based on the situation that you're going through, you cannot destroy or disturb the entire family because of one person we meet many times we actually you know, get into this problem where we try to fix the problem of one person and we lose the, the rest of the family that is again, not a desirable way to deal with Subhan Allah, we need to ensure that you know, certain things that that are very, very important for us to be reflective about and they are number

00:41:41--> 00:42:28

one, everyone goes through the family issues of such nature, perhaps the levels are different from one to the other. But everyone goes through it. So if if you evaluate this is something you can continue to bear and if you see there, there are benefits out of it. And if you see that there is something which is fruitful that may come in then stay stay together. And if you feel that there's something completely gone he is completely out of your mind. He's just trying to exploit you your property your income your things and he's trying to make use of of your situation of your you know, you know money then obviously, you have full right to take a decision which Allah subhanaw taala has

00:42:28--> 00:42:34

given you the right for inshallah and we ask again Allah subhanaw taala to easier situation sister inshallah

00:42:37--> 00:42:40

I mean, you know, I mean, just Appala forensic for that answer

00:42:42--> 00:42:53

schicht The second question is also a bit similar on one aspect, what if the husband has an extramarital affair and wife is deprived of a marital rights

00:42:55--> 00:43:24

he has said she can stay in the current house alone and he will just come to visit her once a week. Now, this is something which is very quite predominant Lee seen Subhanallah in the society even among the Muslim society, where a person has extramarital affairs and homes are broken, and relationships are you know, compromised to a large extent now, there are fundamental things that we need to actually keep in mind number one,

00:43:25--> 00:44:20

if the husband is adopting certain ways, you need to find out and investigate what made him to follow that path, what led led this guy, this person or your husband to adopt certain means, maybe there are some issues that you need to fix yourself and maybe there is a bad company that he is being with and maybe that he is not very much, you know, happy about the Manage fundamentally itself, you need to find out things of this nature, and there are certain things that would apply as general you know, chips for all of us insha Allah, including the answer for for this question, number one, remind the husband constantly about the the path that he has taken which is of

00:44:20--> 00:44:59

destruction, remained constant reminders help a person, big time Subhanallah sometimes, as I said, because of the environment, because of the situation, a person adopt something which fundamentally perhaps, he does not wish to do that, but he got into that situation somehow. So, you as a like a, you know, as a as a spouse, as a partner, need to bring him back to that which is piety, your biggest concern should be that if he is involved in certain evil acts, what is he going to be, you know, accountable to Allah subhanaw taala and he will be punished for that. So, you

00:45:00--> 00:45:45

To give constant reminders, number one, number two, you need to make sure that you program his mind that that which is involved in is evil and it is devilish and that's, that's absolutely wrong. Number three, you need to make yourself available to a large extent and make it more obvious more manifest, you know, to make the marriage or the relationship of husband and wife, happy and joyful, there are so many things that can be done Subhanallah for example, remember how do you depart your husband, you depart with a smile on your face, how do you welcome your husband The moment he comes inside the home? How do you welcome So, you need to adopt you know, spiritual means you need to

00:45:45--> 00:46:01

adopt physical means you need to adopt psychological means, you need to adopt social means you need to adopt various means to make sure that your husband is fulfilled and and satisfied with what you are and who You are Subhan Allah. So,

00:46:02--> 00:46:52

program program in constant programming will help towards righteousness inshallah. Number three, involve him with certain environments, which basically can give him righteous feeding, you know, many times with the right environment where he is exposed to, he will feel that and he'll have that self actualization, self awareness, where he will be accountable for himself where he will feel that if I do certain things, Subhan Allah, that's not going to be helpful for me in this dunya and hereafter. So, involve in your, you know, your husband, in certain environment in certain villages circles, where he can be programmed in a way that will definitely help him in his life. Also, as I

00:46:52--> 00:47:40

said, you need to bring the case if something is going beyond your control, you need to bring in certain elders among your family and talk about the situation, remember that you or husband do not want to leave each other. If this is the case, then there is definitely a solution that can come into play in sha Allah. So involvement of elders as well, it will help big time with that counseling. Number four, you need to bring certain expert for counseling, who, who understands the psychology of demand and who understands the religious sciences on end they can guide that person, you know, spiritually and he will be able to get the feeling out of that. And Bismillahi tala with

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the help of Allah subhanho wa Taala. We hope that this problem can be settled in sha Allah, we in

00:47:49--> 00:47:50

Armenia,

00:47:51--> 00:47:52

made the problem with Secretary

00:47:54--> 00:48:04

shake on the question from another sisters. What if husband gives the law to his wife for silly reasons like not doing household work? What does the wife to

00:48:06--> 00:48:39

say Subhana Allah, this is something also being seen very common and the husbands should be mindful that they are going to stand before Allah subhanho wa Taala one day, Allah II, every husband is going to be responsible and accountable before Allah subhanaw taala for every saying for every action for every abuse and misuse of his spouse,

00:48:40--> 00:49:37

a person needs to be mindful as I said, he is absolutely you know, going away from the first piece of the principle of the pillar of problem solving and that is piety. If a person has taqwa of Allah subhanho wa Taala he won't take you know, or pronounce divorce for some silly reasons he values that relationship, he will make sure that that is something which is really, you know, important and it cannot be played around. So, what a wife can do when a husband does it, number one, educate educate your husband about the seriousness of this saying Subhanallah educate a husband about the the the element of divorce is not something which can be played around and can be easily, you know, said and

00:49:37--> 00:49:59

done. No, it is something which is serious, it is something which is a matter that cannot be played around. So we need to make sure that you know, or you need to make sure that you first and foremost educate your wife, your husband, number two, you need to consult again, the elders, you know, the presence of our elders make a huge

00:50:00--> 00:50:33

huge impact a lot of Blizzard give them as a protection Subhana Allah as a means of protection. So make sure that you involve your elders and share this issue of what is happening around number three, as I said, make, make dua for your husband to make sure that he prevents he restricts himself in pronouncing divorce for silly and funny reasons. inshallah, by doing such things, we hope that that you will find a solution from this problem.

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Just have a loafer and shake my leg, you hit my two brothers to not engage in such deeds and maybe utilize the rights in the proper manner. I mean, your element

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if you can, the question is from sister that, generally the husband comes in spending more time browsing and being on the phone. So what can she do to get the attention of the husband, so that spends more time with him, fruitful time with both of them right now, there are certain, you know, addictions that are going on in the world today, and which are actually destroying homes and we all are aware of nobody needs a class, nobody needs a session, nobody needs any room, you know, point about saying that, you know, we are addicted to our, one of the biggest addictions is the addiction to the phone and this device, you know, Subhan Allah has actually destroyed and, and spoiled so many

00:51:39--> 00:52:28

homes, the husband and wife, they actually got this tent, because of this device from Han Allah, it's like a knife, you can use it to cut vegetables, you can use it to kill someone. So it's about our use, it's about our usage, insha Allah. So the sisters who are struggling in this aspect, or where the husband is getting involved in this is they need to make sure that they do certain things which can draw husbands attention, something that can give them you know, a wow element, given they could dress up well, they can, you know, make sure that they they bring, you know the attention of the husband. So significantly that he feels that this this mobile is not of any value when it

00:52:28--> 00:53:20

compares to the value of the wife SubhanAllah. So, number one is, enjoy yourself. Number three is, you also make sure that you engage in discussion, and be consistent in doing that don't think that there is a shortcut, where you can have a quick fix solution, there is no quick fix solution because this addiction is so deeply rooted, it needs, you know, constant reminders and constant effort to resolve this problem. So what you need to do is, enjoy yourself, make sure that you're available for your husband, make sure that you talk and talk and talk and talk with your husband while he is on the phone. So make and create fun in life, make you know the element of joy come into into this life

00:53:20--> 00:54:06

and positively respectfully got into the husband's mind and heart and interact and engage extremely well. It Calculatedly so that you know he feels you know one of the ways why the person gets addicted to something because he feels that that is giving more value. And that is the reason he tries to get the value from that, you know thing. And when you when he established the feeling that you are more valuable, you are more worthy, you are more important than those things that insha Allah He will pay he will start paying attention to you. So you need to do rigorous effort Don't lose hope in the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala This is a common problem. You know, this is a

00:54:06--> 00:54:29

common problem that we all face. SubhanAllah sometimes it's the problem of the husband sometimes the problem the boys, so but the problem persists to exist. So we need to have constant efforts and and do certain things which will help them draw his attention insha Allah be the light Allah and Allah is the one who is the source of all help.

00:54:31--> 00:54:40

I mean, arugula, lemina Mela, strengthen the family and unite the family and keep us away from all these kinds of distractions. I mean,

00:54:42--> 00:54:59

shift on the question from a sister, sisters parents are old and there is no one to take care. And when she's taking care of her parents, the husband does not like sister taking the responsibility of the parents. Though the husband acknowledges that it is first on every child to take care of them.

00:55:00--> 00:55:14

balance, but it's a catch 22 situation where the husband does not allow her to take care of the parents Now, how does she deal with the situation, where at one side, it's the parents and one side is asked, but she does not want to upset both.

00:55:15--> 00:56:07

Right What the sister needs to understand and evaluate his, perhaps there might be certain times where that portion of time that, you know, way of attention should be actually given to the husband, and he is probably compromising that situation, because of the extreme love for the parents. And because of this, you know, you know, imbalanced a, you know, a way, probably the husband is getting upset. And when she's acknowledging that he understands that the to take care of the parents is different is compulsory upon every children means that he understands that you have to take care of your parents, but not the, at the expense of losing the attention, not fulfilling the rights of the

00:56:07--> 00:56:56

husbands and then you take care of the, you know, of your parents. So this is something which you need to balance it out, when you know that your husband is getting upset, because of that, maybe at times, it's over possessiveness maybe at times, because he feels that he is not been given importance to he is not given his rights, he is not given his do, you know, portion of your life for him, and you're taking extra mile or extra effort or extra energy extra time, and dedicating those to your parents. So this imbalance approach could, you know lead to a bigger problem. So you need to evaluate, really, and make sure that you don't compromise on fulfilling the rights and you

00:56:56--> 00:57:04

fulfilling the needs of your husband, yes, your parents are important, but you need to make sure that you have the

00:57:05--> 00:57:49

the first element towards your wife as towards your husband, as well. Because you know, after marriage, the right of husband has more precedence over the parents, that doesn't mean that you just leave your parents, you have to balance it out. Number one, number two, you need to find out someone, perhaps your sibling, perhaps someone or some method that you can adopt, where you can probably hire a servant to take care of your heart, you know, your your parents, and fulfill their needs, and you can make sure that you can balance that solution in a better way, inshallah, so you need to really evaluate and go deeper in into a situation where you feel that you're, you're hurting

00:57:49--> 00:58:26

the emotions are not fulfilling the needs of your husband. And on the other side, you're over, overly concerned about your parents, and that may result you know, the husband to get upset. So as I said, you need to make sure that you don't compromise on the needs and the and the wants of your husband, number one. Number two, you could probably adopt more means of taking care of your parents, perhaps your sibling, perhaps some service that you can actually source out who can take care of your parents and you can timely also look after them insha Allah and Allah knows best.

00:58:28--> 00:58:52

Just follow her and shake him Allah help us all to balance our relationships and fulfill our duties towards each relation. I mean, I mean, a shake up the question from a sister, what happens when a husband is in polygamy, and is not just a wife has to be reminding him to come home, he could even be away for one month staying in one house and forgetting the other.

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Right. Now, this is a matter which is of serious concern and it needs to be addressed. Yes, polygamy is allowed in Islam Subhana Allah wira a person, a male can take more than one wife. However, the major element is about justice. Now, a person knows his capacity, a person knows his ability, his limits his attention, his you know, energy level his, you know, Justice factors when a person knows about it, based on those insha Allah in the lighter and that person needs to take care of or go ahead for the second man if he fears if he is not, you know, thinking that he is capable to make sure that we may keep them with justice, then he should prevail because this isn't something which

00:59:48--> 01:00:00

is not among the for the category. It is something which is MOBA, which is permitted, and many times we bring it as though it is something of permanence.

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It is something as obligatory Subhan Allah, and remember the Hadees of Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who told about the consequence of not dealing two wives of more than one wives with justice, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said that a person on the day of judgment will be raised as paralyzed, Subhan Allah, He will be raised as paralyzed, because of the injustice that he had done to his family Subhan Allah, a lot of times, it happens, though, that that we tend to get involved with this act of marriage where we want to have more wives, and forgiving, forgetting the the first or the second or the third Subhanallah This is a matter which needs to be reminded by by

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all the males specifically, because that's where you know, the destination starts. So make sure that you are responsible for each and every act, you will be punished for each and every act, you will be rewarded for each and every act. So be mindful of your actions. Be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala you do not want to make someone you know desperate. And you don't want to make someone you know, who is actually Massoud who is innocent and Subhan. Allah Remember, the one who is innocent, and if that person who is innocent, in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala and that innocent person is being oppressed. Allah Akbar, a lot of Larissa will wage a war against that person. And you imagine

01:01:53--> 01:02:38

that there are only two instances where a lot of Syriza he rages a war against that person, although we have no capacity to be to stand before Allah subhanaw taala to for the war, right. But Allah shows the severity number one is getting involved in usury interest Riba and number two when you are a massive and the person who is oppressing you so Allah will wage a war against that oppressor against that person. So why do we want to get into such you know, situations where we could not handle? We need to remind ourselves and correct our actions. And this is the way forward for happy living. Allahu Allah miserables.

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Joseph Allah current chef mela give us all correct understanding of the deen and may He make us all ambassadors of Islam in the right manner Armenia Malala mean sure, we have plenty questions, but which we have received through WhatsApp channel? However, these questions are very private in nature and they will

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be the participants do not want them to be answered here in the live session. So inshallah we will try to attend to them in a more private manner, hasn't when Allah gives us that ability to associate we just have a last question, which we have which can be taken as a private question, which can be taken as a public question.

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This is asking that how to stop expecting more from husband as he is expecting and if it does not get fulfilled, she ends up in a depression.

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Right? This is a very, very important question in May Allah subhanaw taala reward your sister for this for this question Subhan Allah, the more we expect from people, the more is the possibility of getting into frustration,

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not meeting the expectations or self expectations will lead a person to frustration and these frustrations will lead to certain decisions, which are destructive, which are destructive. So what is the root cause? The root cause became over expectations. So always there is only one being from whom we can have limitless expectations. And that is Allah subhanho wa Taala that's it. Because there are no limits, there are no boundaries, there are no parameters, there are no limitations to Allah subhanaw taala we try to bring that nature, that ability that power in human beings or in creation, and there lies the problem.

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There lies a problem when I expect for much and you don't get into my or you don't meet my expectation. They come to the conflicts they come to the problems they comes the issues they comes the disputes SubhanAllah. So we need to ensure that we measure our expectations Yes.

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Nature, it's very natural, it's very human, to have expectations for each other, we are created like that. But having expectations beyond the boundaries is something which will lead people to that, which is frustration. And as I said, these frustrations will lead to destruction. So we need to ensure that we measure our expectations, we need to ensure that we understand the capacity of the husband many times the problem comes between the husband and wife is number one, when they don't understand each other. You know, when I say understanding, it's a it's a huge term, it's a huge term, where understanding involves the ability of each other, the capacity of each other, the time

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for each other, the level of each other, the way of each other, the intelligence of each other, the value for each other. So, this key word, understand each other, this is lacking big time, and that is resulting into problems panela I would like to, you know, leave you with some relieving points, some relieving points insha Allah, we even lie to Allah and Allah I asked Allah subhanaw taala to ease everyone situations and grant us peace, the first point, my beloved brothers, and sister as a relieving point for each one of us is everyone goes through problems in the journey of as a couple understand that. So, what happens, how is it a relieving point is because when this is called a one

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will barely attend, in the fic, we learn it as our nobody had meaning dibala his arm is general, this is a general problem. So you and I are you not unique towards us, our problem may differ here and there, but we are in the problem. So treat it as a test and and come out of it with practicing on those principles. Number one, so number one, we all go through problems. Number two, don't expect, as I said, Don't expect too much from each other, there comes a problem number three, every problem has a solution, believe in it. Every problem has a solution, you just need to work out you just need to figure out you just need to find out that solution. inshallah. Number four,

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always understand when there is difficulty there are ease as well. Whenever there is a difficulty there is ease as well. This is the formula of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Number five, there are things in the world in your life as couples which you can't control. We don't have absolute control.

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absolute control is in the hands of Allah, so rely on him, rely on him, you will feel relaxed. This is the limit that I could, but beyond that, I cannot so when Allah is not going to hold me accountable, why do I need to get over stressed or overwhelmed and get into you know, certain things as such as depression SubhanAllah. So don't also the last one is don't expect or don't go for quick fix solutions. Don't go for that, because those will not last for long and it will not give you futuristic solution. So these are some of the pointers which will relieve you in sha Allah, wherever you are, whoever you are, I ask Allah to ease the problems that you are going through my brothers

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and my sisters and sisters in particular because they get into certain things more you know susceptible to certain problems. I asked Allah subhanaw taala for each one of you, sister, to give you ease and peace inshallah in your life and settle your affairs forever and grant you ultimate happiness with dunya will occur in this world and the hereafter.

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Armenia Malala mean, shake, Doyle said that was the last question, but can we stretch our liberties? Because we have one question in the chat. Okay. Let's take the last one. Sharla Yeah, just love her and

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the question is from a sister, she's asking, my husband is interested in meditation and motivational speech by non Muslims and they have conflict because of this issue. He prefers he prefers our scholar speech to such talks. So, how can this be resolved? This absolutely i mean, see principle is speaking, there is nothing wrong listening to any non Muslim motivational speaker as such, but as long as that motivational speech, you know, goes in line with what Allah subhanaw taala and profits. Listen

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told us in the Hadith, but the moment the motivational speech, things which come from these motivational speakers because they don't know about Islam, they don't know the rules of Islam, they don't know, you know, the, the essence of Islam, obviously, they'll not be speaking in line with those incomplete way but yes, many things many things which they speak make sense and in reality, all those motivational things they actually came in originated from Islam. So, they try to use those and market in such a way that is fascinated, you know, by by millions of people so Han Allah when, you know, when we, when we listen to them, we definitely get motivated, we are moved, and we learn

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so many things, people transform their lives by those motivational speeches. So, principle is speaking, there is nothing wrong in listening to non Muslim motivational speakers, but you need to be mindful that you should not inject within you certain things which they say, which contradict with the Quran and the Sunnah. And yes, I agree totally, that the scholars, the Muslim speakers, they also have to come up, and there are quite a few, well, Hamdulillah, but we need more attention towards that side of it, where we, you know, show people that, in reality, the solutions that come the real motivation that comes from Islam is practical, is powerful, and it is permanent, well,

01:11:45--> 01:12:30

hamdulillah You see, it is practical, it is powerful, and it is permanent. Perhaps they also told, you know, speak about certain things, but many things also they go wrong, because they just try to, you know, motivate you and inspire you and, you know, take you to the seven sky and sometimes they take you even more powerful than the Creator. Well, that's wrong. So you need to be mindful. So Principle number one, it's there's no harm in listening to non Muslim motivational speakers, as long as they don't contradict to the teachings of Islam. Number two, you need to have shift of focus to Muslim speakers as well. Like for example, I personally really admired most event for example, who

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wrote a few books, as well motivational moments, what are these, all his talks are, you know, speeches of motivation, when hamdulillah I get motivated, millions get motivated. So we have, you know, scholars have such, you know, you know, stages and Hamdulillah, who motivate millions of people, so you need to shift focus where you are Hara is also protected. At the same time, you're getting motivated in dunya, as well. So you need to have a wind of this world and the winner of the year after as well. And for that, obviously, what comes from a Muslim speaker, who will based his motivational speeches on the Quran, and the teachings of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam. That

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is the best way out. And I I remind you, Sister that don't get into conflicts on certain things, perhaps he's absolutely passionate about listening to them. And you can just suggest, you may listen to this as well, by sharing, you know, some Muslim speakers, you can share with with him with, you know, something of similar or maybe better content and better passionate speeches of Muslim speakers. But to get into conflicts with these tiny issues is absolutely not desirable and not expected from a Muslim. You know, spouses will hamdulillah so make sure that you respect and value his wishes, as long as it goes in line with the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu

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alayhi wasallam.

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just differentiate for that wonderful answer.

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May Allah grant you the best of health and May Allah preserve you for the benefit of the ummah. We have immensely benefited from this episode of today, where we have discussed teething issues on the marital problems and the subtle way in which we have received answers from us ashamed Subhanallah they were really beautiful and I hope audience will surely benefit from it and May Allah subhanaw taala bless the couples wherever they are and make the powerful society focuser Mohammed Mirabella Levine

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as we stated that the questions which were very private in nature which we have not taken on the session today, inshallah we will try and attend to them in a manner which will remain private inshallah.

01:14:59--> 01:14:59

So,

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I think to support you need to thank all of you you're all being a wonderful audience man like keep the spirit of learning alive in all of us and May Allah grant us beneficial knowledge always. Armenia Malala mean barakallahu li Coombs is Apple, her and everybody