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Focus on Family – Practical Tips
Channel: Ahmed Hamed
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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah al Karim Ali he was Harvey Germaine Roby Shahi Saudi were certainly Omri watlow okidata melissani. Yes, who Kohli? My beloved brothers and sisters.
I welcome once again, all of you in this another well hamdulillah live webinar on a very important topic, and that is focus on family. We thank Allah subhanho wa Taala and praise Him as always for numerous bounties and blessings that he has bestowed on us and giving us this opportunity, a platform to exchange and interact for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala we thank Islamic affairs and charitable activities department, government of Dubai, for bringing up this notice to ensure that we are all enlightened by their approvals well, hamdulillah and of course, I would like to thank each one of you for taking out time and being with us. And Subhan Allah, this is something
which is so beautiful in the sight of Allah subhanho wa Taala, then that when we actually talk about the deen of Allah of Buddhism, and I want each one of you to feel the glamour, the highness that you and I and every one of us are right now being discussed, we are being discussed in the summer, as we know that when we talk about a lot of binaries, when we talk about the deen of Allah Subhana huhtala, Allah talks about it in a better gathering, when hamdulillah so my beloved brothers and sisters, this is a topic which is very pertinent very much to do with our daily lives and Subhanallah
we need to understand that Islam as a complete, balanced way of life, it actually has a value system in every area of our living. And Subhanallah family is something which is the core of, you know, Islam, Alhamdulillah Islam provides
complete guidance on the value system of family, and when hamdulillah we all are aware that for us to be able to progress and prosper, we need to actually go to the right sources in order for us to be able to guide ourselves better. And we know the sources, the primary sources of Islam is number one, the Glorious Quran And number two, the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and we know Subhan Allah, or on has so many injunctions with regards to the family. And we
have absolute guidance from the life of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, about how we need to live and how we can actually gain focus in our lives. Allah subhanho wa Taala he says in the Quran in Surah Surah number 16 is number 80. A lot of with Isaiah he says, Well law who died and akun nimbu tiecon circrna What a beautiful seeing a lot of Vanessa, he says Allah has made for you, your homes, a place of rest, meaning our homes are just not like houses, houses aren't just the building in the structure. But what makes the house a home is the people where you live with each other, where you have emotions attached with each other, where you have experiences from each other.
Those places are basically the places which are actually made by Allah subhanho wa Taala. So we need to take this as as a blessing. Well, hamdulillah a lot of Bonanza, he says in the Quran, about the beautiful formation of the husband and wife and shows that the purpose of this relationship
ship is to actually gain tranquility, a lot of Bonanza, he says, In surah, rune surah, number 30 on number 21
letus kulu la ha, so that you may find the tranquility in your partner in Subhana, Allah Sakina satisfaction, joy, pleasure, happiness is what you actually find within your family, when handling love. Also we know that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he and his life Subhan Allah, it provides us absolute guidance when it comes to family. He is not like a prophet who did not have you know, wives who did not have proper family and whose life is not recorded. Subhan Allah among the miracles of Islam is the preservation of the life of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and that is the reason we see there is so much of guidance that we actually gain from his life when
it comes to family affairs as well. Now, my beloved brothers and sisters, we need to understand that why do we need to actually focus on families? And the first instance why or what is the need? Or what are the benefits to focus on family? Well, number one, you are blessed with a family given to you are blessed to you by Allah subhanaw taala now, we have been blessed by Allah subhanaw taala it's a loss plan to give you Mother Father, children, spouses, siblings, it is all on us plan. So Allah has given this and you need, I need to take it as a blessing. That's number one. That's the reason we need to actually focus how do we how do we how do we focus, you know, when we don't
understand that this is a blessing Subhan Allah, number two, you will be accountable for this blessing, we know whenever there is a blessing given to us, we will be accountable for that blessing. So that's the reason we need to have focus on our family. Number three, family is one of the means to gain happiness Subhanallah When was the last time that you actually saw your mother or your father or your spouse or your children and you observe you felt there is a sense of satisfaction, that you feel in your heart, there is a sense of joy and happiness, that we feel when we actually see our family member. So, the family is actually a means to achieve happiness, while
hamdulillah and that is the reason we need to focus on family. Another reason is, we need to understand that we will be tested through our family members and that is the reason we need to focus on family. The fifth reason why we need to actually focus on family is Subhan Allah through our families, we can actually grow for dunya will Akira in this world and in the hereafter. So, these are the reasons why do we need to actually focus on families Subhan Allah now that we have actually understood that the value system prescribed by the Quran and described by the prophet salaallah alayhi wa sallam is the best value system to we also understood and established the importance of
focusing on our families, you know, this is very important for us actually, to reiterate and remind ourselves Subhanallah many times my beloved brothers and sisters, many times we we are actually you know, out there to own the livelihood of family, but we are not there for family Subhanallah at the expense of earning so much we actually lose the focus on our family. So, the idea is to remind ourselves that you know what, at the end of the day, we have to make sure that we focus on our family and that is something which we are going to inshallah, talk about it in this session when handling love, my beloved brothers and sisters, I am sure that every one of us would like to live an
ideal family, a family which is which has a proper bondage, which has, you know, beautiful moments to cherish which has, you know, ideal, you know, role that we actually
Play for each other, where there is a space of responsibilities towards each other. So this is something I'm sure every one of us visualize. Now, to do or to achieve that, basically, we need to ensure that we established certain driving principles, certain principles that we actually gained from the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, we need to make sure that we practice those principles in order for us to be able to focus on our family and reap the benefits out of it. The first principle that we need to understand in order to focus on family, my beloved brothers and sisters, is we need to keep faith over trends, fashions or culture, we need to give
faith importance over the fashions or the trends, or the cultures, because many times these trends, these cultures, they actually prevent us to practice that which is prescribed by Allah subhanho, wa, taala and Subhan Allah when we actually jeopardize and put our faith at stake, how can we actually or ideally, focus on family, it's impossible. So the first principle is to make sure that we have faith over fashion or trend or culture at the first instance. Number two, the focus on family the principle that needs to be practiced by all parties without an exception is compassion, over anger,
we need to have this principle in our family, compassion over anger. So we need to be a person who is compassionate with each other. It's only then we will be able to actually gain the benefits from our families, a lot of times, we we see that we are very nice and compassionate to outside people, but when it comes to your own family, but when it comes to my own family, I do not show compassion. So this is again, a point of failure where where we face number three, mercy over cruelty, mercy over cruelty, a lot of times, we actually, you know, lose our beloved ones, just because we do not have mercy. Allahu Akbar, you see a lot of Bonanza when he says about the couple in the Quran. A lot
of Budweiser referred the couple as among the signs, woman I T and min on forsaken, as Raja liters kuno la, wa Jalla binaca Ma,
Ma. So a lot of Bonanza, he talks about my word da, and ra ma, ma word is love, compassion, right? affection, and Rama is mercy. If you do not have this principle of compassion, after the fate, compassion, and mercy, you actually cannot have or operate or live as an ideal or a happy family.
Number four, you need to have this principle engraved in your minds and hearts, my beloved brothers and sisters, that you need to give importance to the person over problem a lot of times we give importance to the problem so much so that that we actually lose a person, for example, husband, he gives importance to the problem so much that he eventually loses his wife, Allahu Akbar, and the otherwise could also be possible.
Sometimes parents, they actually,
you know, look at the problem in such a big way that they actually lose their own children, and the other way could be possible. So the whole point is, we need to give importance to the person over problem. So a person is much much, much bigger, much, much, much more Beloved, than the problem. So this is another principle that we need to always keep in mind. Love over hatred. We need to try our best and we need to strive it every single day. Love Oh
Hatred, Allahu Akbar, our own family is a blessing as we discussed, we cannot hate them. Yes, they might be certain shortcomings that we observe, shortcomings are there in everybody's life, nobody is immune from it, we need to understand how we can live together and tolerate and accept and respect and have love over hatred. So you need to love your beloved one so much, that there is no space for hate redness in your life. Another principle is space over selfishness Subhanallah, you need to give space to your beloved once, and you don't have to be selfish, you know, many times the problem becomes bigger, when you actually get selfish, you know, when you do not give space to people, and
you just think about yourself, just about yourself, you need to think about yourself, but you just don't need to think only about yourself, you need to have the courtesy you need to have that space element over selfishness, another very, very important, you know, element, or principle, my beloved brothers and sisters, is we need to have patience over
agitation, Allahu Akbar,
this I would really, really need to remind myself and everyone out there, my beloved brothers and sisters, patience is something which is so important driving principle for us in order to have focused on family and sustain and move on with the family in a nice way, in a beautiful way. Because eventually, you in every one of us do not want to destroy or you know, spoil our family life. Nobody wants that. ideally speaking, nobody wants that. So understand that there is no essential problem actually speaking, it's shaped on it's the situation, it's some or the other reasons, but the person, in essence, has no issue insha Allah, and this is something which will help you to practice
patience, you need to have this mindset and you need to bear an indoor with each other, in order to move on in a better way. The last principle that I would like to share my my beloved brothers and sisters, is gratitude over thankfulness. A lot of times we take our own family members for granted. You know, we take them for granted, we don't even you know, really appreciate the things that they do to us. SubhanAllah so the element of gratitude, it actually increases your love, your compassion, your mercy, your care, your concern, your affection with each other, Allahu Akbar, a lot of when Isaiah he said, he says in the Quran, like in Shackleton as the Donna come, if you are grateful, I
will increase increase in what increase in anything, you just try, you just practice the the element or the quality of gratitude Subhanallah you will see tremendous results. And one clear, clear principle that we need to have in mind is regardless whether someone else do it or not, hi, we'll do it. This should be the spirit of living. And that's how you can actually have focus on your family and this focus will be you know, sustainable focus in sha Allah Bismillah he Darla, so these are the principles that we talked about. Now, obviously, focus cannot come without investment, what is the investment, what is that we need to actually give in order to gain focus on family and this is
something which is really really important and these are actually speaking problematic things which we need to eliminate and which we need to eradicate from our lives in order to have focus on family insha Allah Allahu taala. Now number one, number one, investment is time.
Today, in this time and age where we are living, we do not have actual quality, time for each other in the family. Remember, remember my beloved brothers and sisters. If you are not willing, if you are not ready to invest your time with your family, then remember you will never be able to you know
have focused on family, you can never have you will live forever in a complaining mo mode. As long as you know, you do not have proper investment of time SubhanAllah. So, invest your time number one and will will dwell into it more detail what kind of, you know, investment are we talking about. So, firstly, invest your time in order in order to have focus on family number two energies, you need to really exert yourself, you need to invest your energies in terms of creating and keeping the focus on your family, it is not an easy thing in order to, you know, carry on this relationship. In your very you have different roles and responsibilities. It's not easy, it is never easy and it's never
going to be easy, right? So we need to ensure that we exert ourselves invest you know, the way you and me go out and work in order to you know, bring the livelihood in a similar fashion we need to invest our energies, you know, in order to gain focus in our, you know, family inshallah, of course, money Subhan Allah, we need to make sure that our families are stable and sound financial, because this is one of the barriers that actually shares our focus on family. Number four skills, you know, Subhanallah, you, me, every one of us are blessed with certain skills are blessed with certain talents. We need to use that in order to gain focus on our families. And the most important of all,
prepare your mindset. Prepare your mindset have this sense of realization, that you have a family, you belong to someone, people belong to you, they are yours and you are theirs have the sense of attachment, this sense of belongingness with each other. And when you have this mindset, when you realize that there is a blessing for you, when you realize that they are the means of happiness for you, then of course, you will drive your life in order to make sure that you don't disturb your family life insha Allah, Allahu taala and, and during this journey, my beloved brothers and sisters, during this journey, there'll be so many distractions that will come on your way. Number one is Mr.
shaitan, a lot of will resign he says in hoonah kumawu been, he is to you is an open enemy, he is an enemy who is dedicated, determined and always there to ensure that this family fabric is is collapsed or it gets weakened, every day this attack is going on you need every one of us are being attacked every single day with our thoughts, with our words, with our feelings, with our actions with everything we are being tempted by shaytaan some way or the other in order that our family is broken, right. So, this is the temptation from Chetan to, we need to also ensure that we do not create certain situations where we need to live, you know, the most important, you know, aspect of
our life and that is family, we also need to ensure that we have control over things not the things have control over us. Meaning we need to have a control on everything that we have that we possess, starting from number one, our gadgets, our mobile phones or iPads or computers, what not everything we need to have control over it, they should not are they these gadgets, these things should not control us. Subhan Allah we see there are so many families, you know, they are in crisis, because of these reasons. So we need to make sure that we manage those affairs of course, we cannot completely you know, quit it or you know, come out of it, we have to use it but then we need to make sure that
we manage that affair insha Allah
My beloved brothers and sisters we also need to realize and understand that there are remedies there are recipes there are solutions which are there in Islam one hamdulillah the need is perhaps we have to make an effort in order to put that in our lives in order that we may gain that that solution inshallah so the to facilitate
every one of us. You know, I have actually shared
Few things and now I would like to give you certain tips, you know insha Allah these tips will help you and myself to be able to overcome the difficulties, overcome the issues, overcome the problems in sha Allah be isn't a lie to Allah and straighten ourselves in order to pave the way where we can gain happiness inshallah, where we can gain certina satisfaction, joy, pleasure in sha Allah B Anthony llahi. To Allah. As we mentioned, my beloved brothers and sisters, that family is a blessing from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So you and me have to make sure that we go back to Allah subhanho wa Taala and make dua to Allah of Bonanza, in order to put a lot of Rama on our families. Da is a
veteran of believer and Subhan Allah the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, a duar, who will be bada da. supplication is a worship to Allah. And Allah is extremely kind My beloved brothers and sisters, he knows what you're going through, he knows your situation. He knows that you perhaps are into a very tight situation. He knows it. All right, he knows it better than we do. We need to know that someone and that is Allah who is much more powerful, much more aware, we obviously logically speaking, we need to go back to him and ask Allah to settle our affairs. Ask a lot to have mercy on, you know, on our lives, ask Allah to attach the hearts together, ask Allah to give love
and compassion and mercy with each other, ask Allah to give this ability to forgive each other. Subhan Allah, my beloved brothers and sisters, this is a big deal these days, we are not ready to forgive each other. And Subhana Allah Do you know, the first victim, you know, of this crime of not forgiving each other is Subhanallah is you the first person who will be affected and damaged and impacted by not forgiving is not anyone else, it's you. It's me, if I don't forgive, it will affect me first Subhanallah how if I don't forgive, my heart starts building, you know, hatred, enmity, envy, you know, bad feelings, that thoughts about others. And this heart, which is originally so
soft, it becomes harsh, it becomes hard, and I don't feel like doing anything, my move will be gone and my feelings will be you know, deteriorated. It will be a big issue that I will face internally to the beautiful remedy. A lot of Vanessa says forgiveness is better than revenge. Start forgiving people start forgetting their mistakes, start forgiving people and you will see Subhan Allah, you will be able to gain the momentum. So ask Allah to give you the ability to forgive each other and that's how you can actually you know, gain the focus and the beauty in your family inshallah, number two, as I said
all other people are at one side but your family is on the top. So, give priority to your family. As we say the principle is very clear. family comes first a lot of times we try to you know, please people outside our homes and in within the homes, we are we are we are a failure we are a mess, right. So we need to ensure that we we make this as a fundamental ground rule and that is family comes first priority to your family insha Allah number three, my beloved brothers and sisters, take your family and spend quality time with your family and give them leisure give them vacation, they give them breaks give them the sense of you know, opportunities that they are looking for. So
Subhanallah when you actually spend quality time with with them for example, you know, if you are financially able to make sure that every single year in sha Allah, this becomes the part of your plan your annual vacation to take your family on ombre for example, on how much or for example, or any other place where you have dedicated, focused time to spend with each other. This is one of the ways that how you can actually end
Power yourself. Fundamentally, what I would like to also share with you is to do an interview session with the family members. Now, this is something perhaps it may look different to some people, but what I see is it really helps interview your family member and this is this should go 360 degrees meaning your interview with each other and try to find out what are the expectations, what are the gaps, what are the issues, what are they lacking, what are those things that could tomorrow become more problematic. So, it's better you address them at a lower level itself, this is how you actually assess the problem a lot of times we do not have to worry much you know, at a later
stage, if we address the issues or the problems at level one itself. So, interview, ask questions and make sure that you address those things and make sure that the expectations are clear making
you know a point that a lot of times a lot of times the problems comes into play when people they don't meet each other's expectations right. So, when you do not have
you know, this this sense of giving the desired expectations of the other person and the other person is not giving your expectation So, Subhan Allah This is how the mess gets graded. So, the best way is to assess it time and again Time and again. And this is something which will depends on case to case family to family monthly or quarterly or you know, half yearly assess it first, making sure that all things are proper, you know, for example, if you run a company, we need we make sure that all employees are on the same page, they are clear they are you know happy they are straight on the path and we just because I need to gain profits are my business if my employees are not good,
they are not aligned and they are not channelized in a proper way my company will not be able to gain profits. Similarly, to make a profitable family, we need to do the same insha Allah isn't like a dial up, study and know you know, they're there, they're their lives, you know, their insights Subhana love and you try and conduct these interviews, you will be able to see an insight within your you know, families, which you were perhaps not aware of Allahu Akbar, my beloved brothers and sisters.
I call it as you know, three eyes strategy number one you initiate the first eye is initiate you initiate with your family member don't wait for anyone you initiate you know, don't keep this this this feeling you know, he does you know everything wrong or she is not you know capable or she is not good or he is not good. Forget about others. Number one, initiate number two, involve involve with your family and that's how you actually be able to be exposed to certain realities which you are not aware of. Number three, I is inspire, when you initiate when you involve with each and every family member, you will be inshallah be able to inspire them because you will know what is the gap
and inshallah when you work on those things you will be able to inspire so I call it as three I strategy inshallah. And that's how you actually make the whole relationship pure, powerful patient you know and prosperous Subhan Allah and that's how you progress
also increase their their Eman time and again refresh their Eman time and again and counsel them advise them be a person who who makes the the attempts in a way that would that would give them comfort that would they should feel comfortable they should be able to find space in their lives. Subhan Allah, one of the powerful ways also to focus on families gifting each other gift each other. You know, especially when you see sometimes the other person is upset and angry. The best way to do that is is the hodja is the gift with exchanging gifts inshallah as Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, give gifts that will increase your love for each other Subhan Allah, also making
sure that you simplify your life you don't make it so complicated that you can't come out
That mess, no, simplify your life as much as you can, because your main priority is your family. And when you simplify your life, you will be able to, you know, live a very happy and very prosperous inshallah life.
One very important thing that would help also as a part of the tip is define the, the goal of your, of your family, you know, Subhanallah, everybody has their own interests, everybody has their own ways of gaining, you know, happiness, try to have a holistic, you know, bigger picture, and drive everyone accordingly. That is also a very powerful way where you can actually gain focus in your family, many, many times this principle, which I'm going to say, it helps a lot. And the principle is say no, to many people, because of your family, say, no learn to say no,
when it comes to sacrificing your family's time, over others, insha Allah, and also understand that you should never ever lose your family, at the expense of, you know, other things because as we said, again, first family comes first insha Allah, also my beloved brothers and sisters, we need to understand
that every one of us are blessed with certain relationships, and these relationships have got roles and responsibilities, a lot of times what happens is, if there are two principles which are missing, that's when the whole issue starts. So, the root causes of most of the family conflicts is they might be missing number one, the factor or the quality of our other, that is justice, and ehsaan that is excellence, what is excellence, excellence is giving more than the party deserves, that is son, right, that is excellent, you give a person more than that person deserves. So when you have other that is justice, at any cost. And when you have, you know, the pointer of
justice, you will be able to, you know, solve or settle most of the problems. So other and ehsaan excellence, these are the two factors that will help you to perform your role that a lot of Syriza has assigned you. Now, coming to the very, very specific number one, you might be playing a role of a husband, a role of a wife, a rule of, you know, father, a role of a brother or a sister, or a grandparent or whoever, all these roles, you know, have got certain rights and have got certain responsibilities. Whenever there is a inequity in terms of the or imbalanced in terms of the rights or the responsibilities, that's when the whole problem starts. So make sure that justice must be
practiced at any cost, number one, number two other
son excellence, as we say, perhaps the other person is wrong. But when you seek forgiveness, even that person is wrong. That is a son, and Subhanallah listen to what the prophet sallallahu alayhi salam, he said, he said, those people who forgive others remember this, those people who forgive others, even though they know that they're right, they are right for example, if I'm right, and I still forgive someone, knowing full well that I'm right, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said Allah has prepared you know, love in May came in sha Allah, in the surroundings of the Jenna Allah Akbar. He will be in the surroundings of the Jana Allahu Akbar, my beloved brothers and
sisters. So, this is son, this is excellence in itself Subhan Allah finally my beloved brothers and sisters, what would like to also highlight as an action item because we know Subhan Allah, we have lots of questions to deal with. Because I understand this is a very, very important you know, factor or family and this very important topic actually, which which is very, very challenging to deal in just you know, one and a half hour but will will We ask Allah subhanaw taala to give
Baraka so that all of us can learn the knowledge and the wisdom from the Quran and the Sunnah, certain action items, and I would like to end my talk inshallah, and then we'll move on to the q&a. The first action item that we need to actually practice in our lives in order to focus on our families, my beloved brothers and sisters, is to sit,
sit and set the goal of your family set, all of you, all the family members sit together, and set a goal of your family for your family. And I'm sure one of the major goals of your family that everyone will agree is to live happily, when you have established that goal that you would live happily, number two, you would set the value system to achieve that goal. Of course, as we know the principle aloha to LA tuber renewal vasila. To achieve the right goal, you can't adopt the wrong means. So the second thing that you need to do is set and establish the value system value system which is based on the Quran and the teachings of Prophet sallallahu Sallam number three. Number
three as an action item, teach and facilitate daily to your family members, teach them, educate them, evaluate them, and elevate them every day. And that's how you actually gain that momentum. Number four,
connect you know with them and commit with them in a way that is pleasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala meaning your relationship with each other should be for the sake of Allah meaning that you will drive your lives based on the principles of Allah subhanho wa Taala number five, keep in introspecting yourself and every family member should do the same. Ask yourself questions that would help you to evaluate yourself so that you know what are the gaps within yourself and you can fill them up in sha Allah. Allahu taala these are the action items that I would like to you know, share with you my beloved brothers and sisters. I know that there are so much that can be talked about on
on this subject of focus on family, but inshallah I think it would be really important for us to actually deal with the questions. You know that you have insha Allah, I ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless each one of you to be able to gain the pleasure, happiness and joy from Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah bless keep us all happy and blessed as a as a family as an ideal family. In fact, where others can take an example from us. We are here with the awana an Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen