Issues of Marriage #12
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Channel: Adnan Rajeh
File Size: 8.11MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speaker discusses the advice of advice to married women to be the best ones with their wives or women in her life. Small creatures need attention and love, and small creatures need to take care of their own lives. The importance of love and attention to small creatures is emphasized, as it will lead to a whole new way of life. The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking care of oneself and not just trying to change others.Transcript ©
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We'll be ending this soon enough inshaAllah for
all of you. But there's a few more
hadith that I think are interesting and important
for those who are looking to get married
or those who are married.
And worthy of contemplation and some degree of
reflection.
And this is a famous hadith that I
want to make sure that everyone understands exactly
what it means. So this is what he
said
I honestly feel that this
is probably the one of the most profound
things he ever said in
his life and everything he said was very
profound. This was just
amazing. So he's saying Alaihi Wasallam, It's also
bhanisa. Meaning I'm offering you my final pieces
of advice or I'm asking you to be
the best you can be with your wives
or with women in your life. Then he
explains.
Is a rib that a lady women are
plated from ribs.
Now this is figuratively.
This is figurative. This is not biological.
Okay? This is not biological. We are not
This is not what he's talking about, alayhis
salaam. If that's what you choose to understand,
then there's no point of this hadith.
Like if you decide that this is what
he No. This is biological.
They were created from a rib.
You come from a fetus when they come
from rib. If that's what you're gonna decide
to do, first of all it doesn't you
cannot argue that scientifically
at all and it takes away whatever this
hadith is trying to explain. This hadith is
giving you an abstract concept and it's doing
it through a figurative
content
understanding. The Hawa came from Adam alaihis salam's
rib.
This is what this is talking about is
that
what ribs do is that they protect protect
the chest, they protect the heart, they protect
them the most important, you know, any vital
organs that you have. And that's the idea
behind this, you know, this concept. But he
says alaihis
salam,
The most
the thing that is that is least consistent
within the is the the head of it,
the top of it. Where it's a little
bit It has a curvature to it. So
if you go and you try to change
the rib by taking that curvature away and
making it straight, you'll break
it and if you leave it, it'll forever
stay forever stay curved. And this is very
simple. You see,
when you get
married or working with You'll find that the
women in your life are way more emotional
than you are. And they care about things
that you don't
necessarily care about way more than you do.
And it will bother you as a man
whether it's your whether it's your daughter, or
it's your mother, or it's your spouse, or
it's It's gonna bother you. Now, the thing
is
that that thing that you find bothersome is
what allows them to take care
It
is what allows them to produce life and
nurture life.
If doing that piece was up to you,
there would be no life.
If Ademayesen was responsible of that piece, this
story would have end way earlier than than
where it is right now. But it's because
that they have that ability. Imagine what it
takes to basically
have life inside you. Grow off your own
blood, off your off the nutrition that you
carry, the nutrients in your and then you
produce it from your body and then it
continues to take its its nutrition from you.
And it's gonna You're gonna spend with it
with this with this living thing,
you know, 22 to 23 hours a
day. How how long do you spend with
your kids?
How long do you spend with your kids?
15 minutes and then like take them away.
Unless you wanna see him flying through the
window, take them away.
If you want to see him enjoy it,
take him away.
A man's sabr, I mean, especially when they're
young, is very limited. It gets a little
bit better as you go older. As you
go older, you get a little bit better.
But what allows
a lady to take care of of this
of this life that's being produced and to
put up with it and to love it
the way it needs to be loved.
Because these small creatures, they need they need
an excessive amount of attention and love ongoingly.
What allows you to do that is the
same thing that you seem to have problem
with. It's the same aspect of her character
that you don't like. You can't have your
cake and eat it too. It's either this
or that. Either she's going to be a
woman, and there's gonna be aspects of her
character that you don't necessarily agree with. If
you're going to try and change it, you'll
break her. You'll break what makes her That's
their femininity. You want to break that? You
want to break that? You can't If you
break that, then what stops? How are you
going to There's no life. There's no marriage,
there's no family. Forget about the kids, forget
about the kids.
You actually think you're that awesome that someone
can put up with you all life? You
think that much of yourself? Look at yourself
in the mirror and you go home. And
imagine this person that's putting up with you
for 40 years, you think that's yeah, they
should be thankful for that.
This?
Yeah. This is not a good package.
The fact that they put up with this
is actually because of that same thing that
you don't like. But But that's why they
put up with you. That's why they stay
in our homes, and they take care of
our children, and they take care of us,
and they put It's the same part that
you don't like.
But either you accept it
or you try and change it. You try
and change it, you break them. You break
them, you take away their femininity, and then
this whole this the house and the children
all collapses
or you leave it, wallaawaja. It'll stay with
that curvature, with that difference that you don't
that you don't necessarily agree with.
So as a man, you have to understand
the way your wife is.
That is without that there would be no
life. There would be no children. There would
be no continuity
of marriage. None of this would have worked.
It's because of the things that you don't
necessarily understand or agree with
but that's what allows this to work. So
leave it. Alaihi Wasallam is telling you look
there's no point. She is there to protect
your heart. She is the protection.
There's this curvature. There's little aspect of her
character you don't agree with. You wanna go
and try and change it? Go.
He'll break it.
So you won't get what you want or
you leave it. If you leave it, it's
not going to fix. It's gonna stay the
same.
So just just
be patient and be loving and take care
of the women in your life and accept
them for what they are because if they
weren't the way they are, you wouldn't be
here.
If my mother was not I wouldn't be
sitting here.
My father would have buried me somewhere in
the backyard
long many, many, many years ago, Yeah.
And this is the reality of life
and I find this this wisdom in what
he's saying alayhis salatu waslam is honestly way
beyond I think even what the people at
that time understood.
I think now we understand it way more
as as we have more clarity on the
psychological difference between men and women and how
we see problems, and how we argue problems,
how we look at solutions, how we think
about life in general. There are differences between
how we process things.
Where in marriage you're not there, neither of
the spouses are trying to You don't try
to change the other person. You try to
change what they are, you change
This works the opposite way by the way.
Now if you're trying to change a man,
and from what a man is, then you
don't have a man at the end. You
wanna change it? You don't have a man.
You don't have a protector or provider or
someone you can depend upon or someone who
who actually will will come through when you
need your you can you can change a
man from what he is but then you
don't get to want. The same thing.
The same thing? You wanna change her? No.
Don't change her. Let her be the way
Allah subhanahu wa'ala created her. With the stuff
that you like and the stuff that you
don't necessarily. Something you agree with and you
don't. You just let it because that's why
this whole thing works.
If you try to
and we've been doing that here. This time
of life we decide that we're gonna change
one another. We change men and change women.
Well, let's see how that's gonna work. They
tried that before it didn't work.
Other people tried that before it completely failed
and families died off and relationships were miserable
and people weren't happy anymore. And he tells
us how he tells them this one piece.
And he's talking to men specifically.
Just just don't
just take care of them. Do your job
with them. And don't go around trying to
change them.
The reason that you're here is because they
that to be fascinating.
that to be fascinating.