Establishing Family Success
Channel: Abu Eesa Niamatullah
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A great Khutbah on Importance of Establishing Family and Kinship thereby establishing success in our time and age for the success of entire Ummah.
Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen
in Al Hamdulillah
fusina woman's psyche as Dr. Molina Mandela who Fela model Allah. Allah, Allah.
Allah Allah Allah Allahu Allahu la sharika lah wash. Mohammed Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallahu alayhi wa Taala and he was happy he was gonna stand up as soon as he he in Iommi. Dean
Allah Allahu taala 50 Tabby he bad shape on the regime. Yeah you Allah Xena hamanako la haka Takashi one atom una illa Anta Muslim on yeah you Hannah Sakuraba kumala de holla
masala caminhada Baba Salman Huma Rizal and Cassie Ron one is a tabula rasa
in a Lacan alikum Raka.
Zina, la ku colenso said either
well my daughter in law Rasulullah, foccacia, foes and alima.
For in the estoppel heresy Kitab Allah.
Mohammed in salallahu alayhi wasallam Bashar Al Assad wakulla
wakulla Allah Allah, Allah, Allah Allah,
Allah subhanho wa Taala
My dear brothers and sisters, I begin by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala.
The ability to praise Allah subhanaw taala is a blessing, which actually many of us take for granted, take for granted daily thing that we we do subconsciously, probably most of us in our prayers. Maybe when we're giving thanks.
I wonder whether we actually understood the power of praising Allah subhanaw taala I say that because I don't give very often.
And the benefit of doing that is that whenever I do give whatever.
And I say the statements that are so common to all of you that you're sitting here and you hear in a meadow, and you just hearing it, and it's standard, your every Friday, and I guess the body gets used to it, the mind gets used to it, just like when you're praying, and the Fatiha is recited. And the prayer which should be an experience and a transformative experience, instead just becomes just a rite of passage, it just happens.
It makes me smile when I think that it's the sort of the purpose of life. That one when one finishes from the press a lot of a lot of stuff a lot, almost in an ironic kind of indication to just how much we failed in what should have been an opportunity to connect with the last pounds.
And so when I say in a hamdulillah I don't say that very regularly because that is the official start of the Friday football. When I say it I just wondered to myself really do I praise Allah subhanaw taala properly? Am I really aware of my praising Him? Do I know really, and live really my thanks to Allah subhanaw taala
I just say this is a random point of benefit to myself and to you. The reason I make this benefit, or this point of benefit is that when you leave this
one of 52 tips that you will hear in in a year. I would appreciate if you actually think about what was just said, as opposed to it was Friday, went to drama, came back home, had lunch just show that it was it was a holiday. I would rather that you think you know what I'd like to actually consider what was said. And if there's a message I'm about to give you I think it's important. But more important than that message is what I just said now, just think about how you praise Allah subhanaw taala and just say it at least once with meaning.
If you say Alhamdulillah once with meaning I swear to you by Allah, I swear to you by Allah, you will have done something so huge. You will struggle to be able to understand the magnitude of it. You know why? The prophets of Allah Allah wa sallam said and Hadees narrated by imagine
that my slave
did not give back to me when he said that hamdulillah for something that I have given him, except that what he gave back to me was more than what I gave him.
Let me explain that against you.
Allah counted his blessings on Infinite millions. They can't be counted lack of saw. They're not you can't enumerate them. Whether you think about the blessing of breathing, sites, eating, safe passage, when you're traveling, a roof over your head,
a smile when you walk in
knots, here's a child who gives him more view the best as you can start and carry on counting all of those blessings, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said that Allah has given to you if you genuinely and sincerely say Alhamdulillah just a statement.
Allah has said that what you have given to Allah as saying Alhamdulillah is more than every single thing that Allah gave you.
Lobbying that's mind blowing, for the human mind. to comprehend that kind of level of mercy is just absurd. It doesn't make sense to the human paradigm, because we understand transactions on the basis of I give you something, and you give me something back of equal value, okay, fine. In business, I give you something and you give back a little bit more than the value equals profit, we're happy.
But we don't understand me giving you a loaf of bread, and you paying me a billion dinars? That doesn't make sense. Yeah, this hadith has expressed that kind of paradoxical reality, where all we say is that hamdulillah and everything that Allah has given to us, we've actually repaid a lot more than that this hadith is authentic.
If you're struggling to understand what it means, first of all, just accept the Hadees. First of all, secondly, why don't you while you're still struggling to understand, try to achieve a state in your life where you do thank Allah subhanaw taala properly, what you do sincerely stop everything that you're doing. Just stop.
And you think that hamdu Lillah Allahu,
Allahu Allah, can
I make this point upon the hand, specifically, because of what I want to speak to you about is how are you believe Save yourselves and your family from the hellfire.
Save yourselves and your family from the hellfire. Our family has different levels, we have the immediate family, which is referring to our own children, and our parents. And then you have the extended family, which then by order of priority includes our brothers and our sisters, and then our uncles and aunts and then those which go across and then to the side, and then down. and maintaining all of these ties, and keeping in contact with them and serving these people and being good to them. And, and every type of hire every type of good, every type of sacrifice that you can do for their behalf is quite similar to Ryan, maintaining those times.
This is the source of all good in life. And it was seldom told us that the one who wants to have Baraka in his risk, an increase in His provision, and an increase in his life, then lets him maintain the ties of kinship. Yanni, establishing the ties, establishing the family making a strong unit has a direct impact upon you as an individual in how blessed you are in your life and in your Acura. And that itself has a key role in how successful the community will be. Because the people who are maintaining a tight quality relationship at home will mean that they will be able to ensure a quality and time relationship in society and the community. So the success of the community is
based upon the success of your family, by brothers sisters. In this short reminder, I just want to give you three key tips
to help raise the most important aspects of this family which is your children.
I want to tell you that
there are three points if we look out for in our children, you will not only make the process of child rearing and culturing and cultivating easier, but you will educate your own self,
your own self on these three very Islamic principles. The first of them
the ability to be able to focus on that, which is not just what you're interested in. What do I mean by that? When you raise your child from a very young age, you will see that they have an incredible incredible ability to be patient with very few specific things. When they're very very small. You pass them the rattle to keep them quiet. In this inane mundane Yani next hour, all they would do is just shake this rattle.
You can't hear it for more than 10 seconds you want to go away but they will just hold it and they'll shake it and shake it and shake it. observed the baby. They have the ability was
Very few things to be able to have a lot of patience for a long time.
TV, stick them in front of a TV channel, it doesn't actually matter what's on TV, as long as the pictures are moving, as long as there's sound coming out, you can stand in front of them dance up and down, you can put your hands in front of them, they don't move, they don't see anything, they don't hear anything. They are super focused. That is the ability of the child. What's fascinating, of course, is that this ability of being able to focus on certain things is actually linked to our desires. Let's move on to the hurdles on
adults, we know, as long as as Muslims, especially that we have a purpose in his life, to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala. But if worship was so easy, then we do it naturally. But we don't you agree with that? We don't.
Because when the Prophet sallallahu wasallam went to take the prayer from Allah subhanaw taala. And how amazing is that story, of course, considering Of course, that this is we're in the holiday of this round Mirage, okay. And if you want me to bring a little Johnny angle in, let me do that.
Of course, the purpose of life center was given the prayer on this day, on this night.
And when he was giving this prayer, the professor the law, he was selling them in his newness to the job, because it was new profit. When he went to Allah subhanaw taala. And he was given 50 prayers to pray. He was delighted with that he was like, this is an amazing deal.
I got to meet my Lord, I went through the heavens, I saw all my brothers, I saw these incredible people, and I've been given a gift By Allah, I've been given a gift that when he came back, he's very happy to speak to most of you wouldn't believe 50 Press masa is like, Hey,
I just want to tell you that you're not going to be able to handle 50 prayers, your nation will not be able to handle that, go back and ask for a discount.
Let's try and bring that down something more manageable. And then in the authentic I had is that we know we see a narrative played out which is nothing short of amazing. We see the province of the lies and then go back and forth back to Allah subhanaw taala. Back down each time very happy receiving 10% discount each time 4540 3530 each time coming back, each time being told by Masai Salaam, trust me been there done that your nation will not be able to handle this, keep going back, keep going back how respect to his older brother, he keeps going back.
And when he then eventually comes to Allah subhanaw taala with the number on 10.
The verse ally seldom says, Is it possible for a reduction,
then it is as Allah has said, it is five and it says 50.
I give you five prayers every day, five times a day, but his value will be 50.
What's fascinating about this think of the psychology is that
there's so many things I didn't even know where to start, actually. But let's first of all, look at how incredible the process is that Allah subhanaw taala intentionally put the Prophet sallallaahu Selim through this,
you'd might normally you might nobody say this is a game. Allah subhanaw taala, of course, knows that he's going to give a number and that the Prophet is going to come back and he's going to reduce it, he's going to go and he's going to come back. Right. So Allah knew that. So when you need to think then what was the wisdom behind a law point in the process of licensing through that? Well, the answer is clear. It's so that the professor Lyceum himself can appreciate the value of the product.
Because otherwise, I must say that the first time he said this five press, because that's what he was going to do. Right? He was gonna give five prayers. He could have just done that. But he didn't. He made the purpose of lesson and go through the process, so that he lives the struggle and feels the value of the prayer, which is why I said it's just five, but it's 50.
So now, when we come back to earth and the promise of life, suddenly teaching his companions to pray, it doesn't need the kind of fake rhetoric to try and pick up the prayer. He doesn't need to pick up the prayer because you know what, he knows the value of the prayer. I've just been to heaven back and forth. I just got it reduced from 50 to five. I know the value of the prayer, and his companions, they saw that from him. They saw in the actual Department of Licensing and in his prayer, in his prayer, they saw this is a man who's connected to his law.
Push the other benefit from this, that actually, our not our natural states, our day to day full actions is not separate.
Our body is not made for 24 hours a day prior which was what would have had to happen if we had 50 prayers. If we had 50 prayers a day. We would have had to have them to be praying all the time, but it's not. As a proposal I sent him said
he said that your body has arrived upon you your family has a right upon you. Your wife has a right upon you. meaning there's meant to be times when you're chilling when you're enjoying when you're sleeping when you're eating when you having relations.
What's the fascinating lesson from that
Therefore, this describes a human being as a, as a as a being who is struggling with his desires and his priorities. The desires are to sleep priorities to wake up and pray. The desire is to eat. But the priority is to fast because Ramadan, the desire to stay at home, the priority is to make the journey to have the desire is to look after the family, the priority is to go out and defend the borders, the the desire is to enjoy time and relax and watch this and do that and enjoy and play. The priority is to learn and to study and to help people and to sacrifice. Life is a constant battle between desires, things that we want to focus on things that we should be focusing on. This lesson
starts by teaching our children early. When our children are given the rights when they play with it. What they are exhibiting is their focus on a very small set of desires when they focus on the TV the same, but your children will be growing up soon and going to school, your children will be growing up soon and need you to teach them. And you know what, they don't want to go to school, and they don't want to hear the Quran. And they don't want to be taught about the deen because that's not the things they want to focus on. Which is why when they are young, lesson number one is to start with the non obvious things start with the skill of ensuring your children are able to focus
on things that they're not interested in. I repeat, developing your children the skill to focus on things that they're not interested in, because soon by the time of six, and then seven, and then 10. Other people will have other things that they want the children to focus on. And if they're unable to leave what they desire, because you allow them to enjoy that for so long, it will be all the more difficult to be losing that concentration for that, that focus on that and moving into something else more beneficial. The second
tip that you should practice as a parent. And again, as we just gave the example before, take the benefit as an adult.
It's the principle of doing to other people like what you want for yourself. As a child, you'll see that the basic principle is me. When you give the toy the child the toy, they want to play with it. They don't want to share it. Food, toys, games, activities, time at the table time at the sport mee, mee mee, and this carries on.
The earlier that you are able to instill in your child, the concept of sacrifice, the concept that there are other people that needs to be happy, just like you need to be happy in order for the community to be happy is a skill and a characteristic which you must bring into your children early. And of course, this is a religious Dini principle as well. To do unto others like you will do unto yourself, to treat others, like you want to be treated speak to others that you want to be spoken to. This Islamic concept will be born out of you introducing the principle to your children, or being able to share with others, you'll find some of the most brilliant children, some of the most
well behaved children, they have a problem with sharing with others, they have a problem in, in working with groups. Schools are not just some kind of you know, something which is just made in in the corner out of out of nothing. It's concerning It is based upon educational psychology years of experience and observing that it's important that children work in groups and share things because this affects the development later. And this is best illustrated in my final point number three, the concept of instant gratification versus deferred gratification. What am I talking about?
We're talking about principles which we start when they're young, which if they understand when they young will ensure a positive life afterwards. This third principle is something which has been best illustrated in the study of a famous study that was held in the 70s.
Some researchers gathered a group of four year old children.
They said to the four year old children that we're not going to just take you into a room one by one in this room, there's a table on the table plate, they have marshmallows, I pick up a plate with a single marshmallow.
You're gonna go into this room, I just want you to hang around here. Just wait. I will be back in about 1520 minutes. And if you can wait for me, there's a marshmallow there. But you're you're free to eat that but if you want, if you can, if you can wait for me, when I come back, I'll bring you a whole plate full of marshmallows.
So all of the children that will go one by one led into this room.
As you can imagine, the majority of the children they waited hang around got bored. Look at the look at the marshmallow pop the marshmallow and the story the researcher comes back. Marshmallow is gone. Okay, you had the 20 minutes you had your instant gratification. So you had your little supper. You took your immediate reward class. See you later. A few of the children. They held out. They looked at the instant gratification. They had the patience and they were happy with deferred gratification.
The one that comes later the reward which comes later gratification, meaning reward.
The researcher then for those children boy in a full place, it was eight Mashallah they knocked it all out. Had a great time, the researchers went back to the same control group of children 20 years later, at the age of 24. To see according to life measures, quality measures just how much or not these children have developed in life, in social skills, in business, in education, and so on. The life quality achievements on the parameters of normal normative societal anthropological basis, show that that small group of children were far more successful, more professional, more well off, more well integrated in society than those that had taken the instant hit. What's the lesson brothers and
sisters? Is it hard to take instant gratification? No,
But is deferred gratification better for you in this life? Yes. Question. Is it better for you in the asker? Oh, absolutely. What else is Islam other than the ultimate deferred gratification?
What else is Islam other than being left to wonder I'm an experience and explore life goes through a number of challenges and experiences. And every moment in every day, you have the opportunity to gratify yourself.
And when I say gratify, I'm not talking about the hallowed things of normative food. By mean you could do things which the body really loves.
You know, what the body really loves, really, really, really loves.
What we call the base desires, the carnal desires. The things which are lost power to Allah has made her not because they are ugly or disgusting. But because a lot of parents Allah sees that the test is stronger in them. Think about it. Think about the things that you're not want you to do. drink alcohol.
You may think alcohol is disgusting and smells bad and has a bad effect. Actually, look at some of the high class drinkers of some of the more expensive types of wine. Very beautiful drink. Some of the babies and Korean version would rival milkshakes, the experience afterwards of the euphoria, look at drugs, and the amount of relaxation that they would bring to the mind. Think about Xena. The most powerful emotion that any man any man will ever go through the sexual desire. The one which the purpose of life Adam has specifically said that I have not left behind me a greater trial. Why would it be a greater trial because it's the one that the body desires most. I have not left a greater
trial upon my own mother Norma of women, meaning their beauty, meaning and illegal relationship. All of these have been music, for example, who's brave enough to say that I hate music? Because it sounds rubbish.
Who says that? Who says music is who actually thinks that music doesn't really sound nice. Remember, it might be some dodgy rock stuffy and in some way Yeah.
But some of our own culture, some of the nice stuff that we know. Why is it that we've been pushed away from all of these things? Because my brothers and sisters not because they are ugly or or by their own nature that they are something which we don't desire is because Allah subhanaw taala has made it happen for us. Allah subhanaw taala is giving us a reward, which is more than just a play of marshmallows for pushing this single marshmallow away. Whether it's the sinner whether it's the alcohol, whether it's the drugs that are Haram, Allah has made it
but Allah is teaching you a lesson. This Deen this life is not about instant gratification because if you want then you know what you live the life of YOLO you only live once and then you just go out there and you enjoy yourself. But you know what Muslims don't don't live once. We live twice. This is the minor life and the real one is to come. So therefore we don't fall for the trap of instant gratification. He man is deferred gratification. Why is it that no one will be accepted that Toba when Allah subhanaw taala allows the sun to rise in the West. Why?
Why when the sun rises in the West Toba is finished. No one now can become Muslim anymore because at that moment,
the moment everyone will now know that face has lost its meaning. Eman loses value at that moment because a man is patience is us believing Allah and willing to sacrifice our lives for him, not seeing him. Not seeing him
is all faith. It's not trust in everything that Allah has sent. That it's true. He is true. And the agenda is true and jahannam is true under the hour is true. And when Allah subhanaw taala suddenly shows us with our own eyes, that the hour has started. And then you turn around and say what I believe in the law now and I'm excited to now but it's too late now.
deferred gratification is a principle of life for adults, not just children. But
Other assistants reflect upon these three points. If you are able to bring into your children, these three, and especially the third, the ability to be able to do good without always having to expect a reward for it. The ability to inspire your children to do for the sake of Allah which is so difficult.
D, the environment at home when little rewards here and there little sweets, little chocolates, little achievements for a little bit of memorization or good behavior is only that little, little rewards, not the big reward. You don't want them to memorize for your sake. Well, you don't want them to memorize for the big toy at the end or the big prize or the big holiday. These are side things you make out to be side no bonuses you instill in your children, that the real reason you're doing it is so that you can go to gender. This will develop all of the positive characteristics that the believer needs, where he throws and shines away instant gratification and takes on deferred
gratification, which is just another synonym for the word email. My brother and sisters reflect upon this stuff. When he said a Muslim it was powerful enough
salat wa salam ala rasulillah Walla alihi wa sahbihi wa Manuela, my dear brothers and sisters.
It's often difficult for a Muslim to look at situations around the world where people are suffering for whatever the reason, whether it's natural, or political, or military or whatever, and injustice and so on and Fridays, normally the day where people kind of spare for, right. And normally the hottie will make a draw and you would feel bit guilty and see me and you'll see I mean, and I want to say to you that this is the kind of superficial interest which is not deserved, but not becoming of Muslims.
If your contribution to their state is your little amine on the hotties, then I just want you to question whether you are actually acting like a brother of the brothers and sisters who are suffering in whatever way they are.
I want to say to you that with a clear focus on the objective, and with a clear understanding of your role, you can be more meaningful to the entire Ummah and its problems. Never, ever belittle the acts of good that you do. Never, ever belittle the acts of obedience that you have been commanded to perform. Everything has a significance in the wider game,
you might not be able to see it. But just because you're not able to go out and donate as what you would like and go and help support and fight and defend people that you think need helping and fighting for and defending doesn't mean that you're useless. Allah subhanaw taala has created an incredible amount of people. And these people need developing, the societies need structuring and the little bits of developmental work that happened from the home, from the home, in every corners, every corner of the world, in every community, every community in every country is all part of a wider plan to bring blessing back to this nation.
The state of this nation and its condition is linked to its individual parts. Don't you worry about the sum of the individual paths. You are about your responsibility. Focus on those things which you are able to do if you have the ability to go and have political power and lobby and raise money for on the widest scale to help others and that's great. But the majority of people it's just not realistic. They need to concentrate on earning Hello. They need to concentrate on not turning their children away from Islam. They need to struggle and ensure that their children don't just memorize the Quran like this like this like this and not knowing anything what it means, but that they
actually want to connect to the Quran. They actually get excited by the Quran and what it promises will lie if you achieve this this in your life, you have done a great service to the Ummah, because through that action, Allah subhanaw taala will send blessing down. And it's only through his blessing that we are going to recover from the state that we are in. If you somehow think that 50 years of all of us all preparing is suddenly going to make us a nuclear international world power, where we have the world's biggest armies and the biggest power is never going to happen. I can tell you right now, the words of Satan armor are timeless. You will not beat them with your military
power at all. The only way that you will beat them is with less sense. With closer Tough luck. Allah subhanaw taala if he wants this to operate in a military way if he wanted us to win
He would turn up the ground like this and he would bring it down. So be all over. It's clearly not about that.
Think reflect upon the reality of your life. So you can see just how it could end so quickly by law doesn't end it. Which proves that this is about you and your responsibility in your own areas. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to give us the tofik to worship Him in the best possible way. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to give us tofik to raise our families in a way which is pleasing to Him. And according to the standard of the messengers of Allah, Allah was Allah, we ask Allah Subhana Allah to bring ease to our brothers and sisters who are suffering around the world, in the West and in the East and in every part where your name is mentioned. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to send peace and
blessings upon His Messenger and to bless us with his following and to bless us from not going astray from that sooner have a Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we ask Allah Subhana Allah forgive our brothers and sisters who have preceded us and to not allow in our hearts anything from our real and envy and hatred to be in our hearts because Indeed Allah you are the Forgiving, you are the merciful akula
muslimeen establish the rose and establish the prayer is a common law.