Sarah Sultan – Disqualifying the Positives – DoubleTake, a Yaqeen Podcast

			You guys mentioned
		

			this disqualifying positives as a common connection to jealousy. Do you mind explaining that, for me
just sounds like being ungrateful, the more ungrateful you are, the more jealous you are, have I
have I understood that correctly. So in the trauma series where we talk about cognitive distortion,
so a cognitive distortion is an as an unhealthy way of thinking. And one of the unhealthy ways of
thinking, and it's happens to everybody is just happens to, in varying degrees, is something called
disqualifying the positives. And so what that means is, you know, every day when you're going out in
the world, you are experiencing feelings, you're experiencing thoughts, and those turn into schemas
		

			of how we view the world around us. And so the way we the outlook that we have,
		

			it can be positive, it can be negative, but sometimes we can also have certain filters, and
disqualifying the positives, that it can be in one of two ways. It's overlooking the positives in
both, it can be very specific. So like, you know, my friend and I, we both got A's on the test, but
I had to study way harder, because I'm not as smart than she is. So like, it's a very specific
comparison, or it can be a very broad one, like, you know, everybody likes him more than they like
me. So it is disqualifying the positives and focusing in on
		

			kind of the negative. So you have one example where you might not get a good grade on an exam or
someone says something that nice to you, and you hone in on on the on the negative, and then you
don't pay attention to that, you know, you you avoided a car accident in the morning, or that, you
know, maybe you're not the most popular person at school, but you have a wonderful family that is so
incredibly supportive. Or that, you know, maybe your spouse is not the wealthiest, but he's the most
kind. And he's most, you know, generous in other ways. So it's, it's, it becomes kind of like a
filter where you focus in on the negatives, and You disqualify you don't pay attention to all of the
		

			positive blessings that you have, or you minimize them.
		

			Is that it? Like, is that a switch that just happens? Or is it something that leads to kind of
getting into that mindset, it can definitely happen over time. And sometimes the more difficult
feelings that we experience, the easier it is to fall into that because when you're not feeling good
about yourself, or you have low self esteem, or you're sad, or you're anxious, it can snowball. And
so especially if you're looking for evidence, then you're going to whatever you look for you will
find it if you want to look for the good in your life, you're gonna find if you look for the
negative,
		

			you will find that as well. So it starts out slowly. And then it can really build up big time over
over time. Yeah, I like the I like the example of like, when we think about the brain, the there are
certain pathways in our mind, that are easy to, to walk down. Because we're we do it so frequently.
So if we often look at what we're lacking in our lives, then that pathway, it's almost like walking
through a forest. And it's a very clear trail, right? So it's very easy to walk down that path. But
if you're trying to train your brain to do something different to start looking at the positives,
that's more difficult, and it takes more practice. So it's like you're walking through a forest, but
		

			you choose a path that's less traveled, and there are brambles and their branches in the way and you
have to kind of cut through that. So the first time it's very hard the second time, it's still hard
the third time it's still hard, but little by little as you clear that path, it becomes easier and
easier to walk down that path because our you know, that's the way Ellis paths that have created us,
you know that that our brains can change and he you know, he told us that when you are grateful I
will increase you and I really believe that this is one of the ways that Allah cantata increases us
and goodness when we're grateful is that path toward gratitude becomes easier to walk down