Disqualifying the Positives – DoubleTake, a Yaqeen Podcast

You guys mentioned

this disqualifying positives as a common connection to jealousy. Do you mind explaining that, for me just sounds like being ungrateful, the more ungrateful you are, the more jealous you are, have I have I understood that correctly. So in the trauma series where we talk about cognitive distortion, so a cognitive distortion is an as an unhealthy way of thinking. And one of the unhealthy ways of thinking, and it's happens to everybody is just happens to, in varying degrees, is something called disqualifying the positives. And so what that means is, you know, every day when you're going out in the world, you are experiencing feelings, you're experiencing thoughts, and those turn into schemas

of how we view the world around us. And so the way we the outlook that we have,

it can be positive, it can be negative, but sometimes we can also have certain filters, and disqualifying the positives, that it can be in one of two ways. It's overlooking the positives in both, it can be very specific. So like, you know, my friend and I, we both got A's on the test, but I had to study way harder, because I'm not as smart than she is. So like, it's a very specific comparison, or it can be a very broad one, like, you know, everybody likes him more than they like me. So it is disqualifying the positives and focusing in on

kind of the negative. So you have one example where you might not get a good grade on an exam or someone says something that nice to you, and you hone in on on the on the negative, and then you don't pay attention to that, you know, you you avoided a car accident in the morning, or that, you know, maybe you're not the most popular person at school, but you have a wonderful family that is so incredibly supportive. Or that, you know, maybe your spouse is not the wealthiest, but he's the most kind. And he's most, you know, generous in other ways. So it's, it's, it becomes kind of like a filter where you focus in on the negatives, and You disqualify you don't pay attention to all of the

positive blessings that you have, or you minimize them.

Is that it? Like, is that a switch that just happens? Or is it something that leads to kind of getting into that mindset, it can definitely happen over time. And sometimes the more difficult feelings that we experience, the easier it is to fall into that because when you're not feeling good about yourself, or you have low self esteem, or you're sad, or you're anxious, it can snowball. And so especially if you're looking for evidence, then you're going to whatever you look for you will find it if you want to look for the good in your life, you're gonna find if you look for the negative,

you will find that as well. So it starts out slowly. And then it can really build up big time over over time. Yeah, I like the I like the example of like, when we think about the brain, the there are certain pathways in our mind, that are easy to, to walk down. Because we're we do it so frequently. So if we often look at what we're lacking in our lives, then that pathway, it's almost like walking through a forest. And it's a very clear trail, right? So it's very easy to walk down that path. But if you're trying to train your brain to do something different to start looking at the positives, that's more difficult, and it takes more practice. So it's like you're walking through a forest, but

you choose a path that's less traveled, and there are brambles and their branches in the way and you have to kind of cut through that. So the first time it's very hard the second time, it's still hard the third time it's still hard, but little by little as you clear that path, it becomes easier and easier to walk down that path because our you know, that's the way Ellis paths that have created us, you know that that our brains can change and he you know, he told us that when you are grateful I will increase you and I really believe that this is one of the ways that Allah cantata increases us and goodness when we're grateful is that path toward gratitude becomes easier to walk down