Channel: AbdelRahman Murphy
How to Love: Relationships in Islam – AbdelRahman Murphy
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salatu salam O Allah,
Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi
wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam.
How's everyone doing?
You guys enjoy, talk
to I just want to correct, I am a fantastic husband.
I don't know why I'm here. That's why I'm the one giving information and not getting it no judgment is better wife, Michelle, my husband.
what I liked about his talk, what I love about his talk, was that he started us off.
By giving me a microphone, no, he started us off
by giving us
Right? Whenever you want to know anything, whenever something is you're you're curious about something or you need to study something, or you need to have information need to get some information from somewhere, the place the number one place that you should always get it from, is the standard. So for example, if you need information on you know, for example, where to buy things from your consumer, you need to consume something, you need to buy something, you go to Consumer Reports, right? If you need to go purchase a car, you'll go to the car dealership, you'll ask the experts, you go to the mechanic and you figure out, is this a good car to buy or not? And so
whenever we have a question about life, about our existence, questions that we need to answer in order to move forward with ourselves. The standard is the word of Allah. Right? The standard is the word of Allah and Allah, Allah says, that is what we listened to. So right here, we'll make because that's what's going to get us through it. Right? And just I know, it sounds very dogmatic, right? You might say, well, how can you just listen? How can you just hear it obey? You don't have to question it. Yeah, let's move on. It says Go ahead. question asked. But when you ask questions about the car, you're gonna buy, do you go to the random chef at the restaurant, say, what do you think
about this car versus car? No, when you ask questions, you ask qualified people, you don't go to Google, Google's out of shape. Last time I checked, right? You would have qualified individuals, but you'd have No, sir. All right. You know, in this community, we have many qualified under qualified individuals.
We have had to know man, you ask people questions. So at the same time that you're following this book, at the same time, Allah, Allah says, to listen and obey to hear and obey. He's also saying, go ahead and ask questions. But so first, Alou atlin as those people who are often are the people remember, it's a reminder, those who know make sure you ask those who know. And so when Howard was so much, he started out by saying that he defined love for us. And in the first place, who put love in our hearts in the first place.
Who put love in our hearts for the first place? unless my father did. And so when someone puts something somewhere, usually they know what the function is, what the characteristics are, how we should, how we should look at it, how we should interpret it, because he put it there himself. Right. So when I put that love in our hearts, in our in our beings and our existences, then it's always good to go to a lot to ask and to and to see what is the purpose what are the characteristics one of the traits and one of the benefits along with following the book on the Colombo Allah, there's also a second part right? Something that is complimentary that explains it, they explain
each other that is what
the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad SAW.
For example, let me ask you guys there's the last part of the Quran does He say pray?
Yes or no?
Yes or no? Because I was afraid well, please
write establish prayer. Let me ask you this. Did he tell you how to pray?
Are you sure?
Who said yes he tells you how to pray.
does the law say start off by saying luck but then wait for a while if you're leading people a pair away for a longer time
right know how do we know how to pray
from a relative problem?
So you can't be a Muslim you can't really understand Islam fully unless you take both parts together. Right? It's like you can't have pizza unless you got bread and cheese it's not gonna work only bread that's just bread and cheese just cheese together you have a wonderful creation of God right
wonderful ways of sauce to I'm sorry there's three parts to it one of the Trinity though. Okay, so we have bahamasair Salah he teaches us through His example and through his and through his his lifestyle, right? Did you imagine Do you imagine this is so cheap, right. So interesting that some
One, his life was being written down. The way that he lived was being written down for millions and billions of people to look to that example and follow it. Ask yourself the question, right? How great is this man that his life was being documented, right? in many different by many different people so that we could open up a book called Sahib behati, we could open up the day when the higher we could open up the seat of the puppet and we can say, I want to be like this man. Can you imagine if someone made a seorak member be like today gain three pounds? Right? Try go the gym, work it off didn't quite work. Almost Miss tosser, right. Like, it
wouldn't be very good. So this man is so incredible, somehow alone.
That, like his life has been documented for all of us to take is an instruction manual. So when we look to the example of the Prophet, we don't just look to it as like, Yeah, he was kind of this cool, smart guy, right? Once I was in a public school, so I was like, Who's Mohammed? So I was against cool guy. Like, that's pretty cool, right? It's cool. It's cool, except that he's cool. But also realize that he's not just like some very wise elder. This guy was, he's the man.
Right? He was the man, these two men. And that's why and he was also the most human of all humans. That's why not only men can take from this example, but women can as well. So when we look at something like a lot when we look at something like love, from Columbus Museum, please.
When we look at something like love,
we have to look at the example the profit from the salsa.
We have two sisters to move up and getting a message that I think he just did that right. Okay, sorry, that spreads kind of slow. Okay.
We look at the example of the love of ourselves and the love of this world. We looked at the example of the pocket missiles.
And I'm only going to tell you tonight chala, four stories, four stories, how many stories?
Remember, NATO said that the stories right, particularly in the ground, but in general, we can take this principle that stories are jumping into the law, they are soldiers, from the soldiers of God, what is the function of a soldier or the function of the soldier to an army is to help it to assist it, to give it reinforcements are motivated to provide backing.
So when imagine eight said that stories are like soldiers, when we read these stories, they're not just fairy tales, right? It's not just the movie script. The story is more than that the story is a lesson to take from the story is something that we're supposed to inculcate into our lives to make ourselves better. There's one story of two people a couple.
This story, okay, so you might see basically my niece, so
I'll give her curious yours later, she'll be fun.
There's a story of two people.
two companions, Elise and buddy.
They were both workers, they were both of the of the labor class in in the title of poppy from a salsa. And they were married. Now, in the situation of being a worker, or a laborer, in the time of the prophet SAW Selim,
if a man and a woman are married, and they are both laborers, and the woman,
or the man is given, as given as to go free, like you're no longer employed by me, your factory no longer taking care of you, you're no longer working for me, you can go, then the spouse, the woman has the right to another marriage, right? So for example, if she's let go, if but he does not go, she has the right to another marriage, because her husband is still considered in the labor class. And so she has to, you know, reevaluate her life and her situation. So this is what happened. She was given as she was given free, she was let go free. And she decided that she no longer wants to be married smoothly, right? For whatever reason. She wanted a divorce, and she called it. So Elise is
devastated. Right? Well, he is devastated. He goes to the problem.
And the problem was, I can see right the puppet, someone was a master counselor. He was he was the best of all therapists. When he saw people, he could just read them. He knew what they needed. Right? He knew the sickness, he knew the cure. That's why people would go to him with the same question. He was the best action and he would say to you what, because of your parents, he would say to you what crayon time because he knew people's problems. And so you see them a leaflet to the prophet SAW Selim. And promises of solace, they some some sadness, anxiety, also love. My wife just divorced me. I want you please, can you go and ask her to take me back?
I want you to please go and ask her to take me back. Right. He's like heartbroken. And the professor says, Okay, I'll go and try some hummus or something goes a very long. He speaks Teresa's career. I'm coming to you on behalf of your ex husband who you divorced. And I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to take him back
You know, whatever it takes to do it, just take him back. She goes to Lola salon salon. She says, Is this a command? Or is this just a suggestion?
Right? Is this something that you're telling me to do? Or is this just something that you're saying when you please do it? And opossums? No, it's not a command. It's just it's just a suggestion, just a favor that I'm asking from you. And she says, I'm sorry, I can't.
So he goes back and he tells me, it's not gonna work out, man.
It's actually not gonna happen. And he's sitting there with a bath for the long run. And Melissa sees Marina walking away, right? At this point, are they married or no? Are they married or no? But divorce? Is he allowed to touch her?
No. He runs up to the feet of video, he dives in her feet. And he grabs her ankles as he cried. He says please don't leave me. Don't leave me. It's a very sad story. This is reality, though. These are the people that taught us lessons to live by. The prophet SAW Selim at that point, right? A lot of times you The problem is what? Right? angry face Don't touch her know. The Prophet sometimes sees that belief is touching but his skin she's not. But she's no longer allowed for him.
And he's in our basket. He says, isn't it so interesting? That the amount that he loves her, she hates him?
He didn't yell at me. He said, What are you doing? You can't touch her man. This Islam, Sharia law, right? Nashville, Tennessee.
He didn't say that.
He was merciful. Allah
will not send you except that you were merciful. And people we said the puppet system. He understood love. He knew what that was about. He knew that human beings we have hearts that we can't control sometimes, right? We're going to talk about that, though. And so before we get started in talking about how the prophets have lived, as a person who loved we have to understand that he understood love. He knew what love was about, we want to ask for advice on love. Would you go to Dr. Phil? Oprah, right? All these people, because why? Well, they get it they understand love, right? The processes of understood love more than any of these people did.
So the pockets of sudden he got it. And we see this, we see that he got oftentimes you see that people will come and they'll complain to like the mountains and stuff like that, I'm sure.
I've gotten this a lot that they'll say, you know, like, I want my wife to be like, right? When I read stories of the pump, man, he was saying she just do it. Right? clean. She's like how much right?
But then you often hear I'm sure she'll stop has kind of said this in a very nice way. Cuz he's a really, he looks big beaut scary. He's a soft guy, right?
If someone wants their wife to be like I have shot, then maybe we should start being like more of the
reaction and the reciprocation that he got from her was only because of the thought that he had, right? That the perfection of character that he had.
And you see this, you see this the story of the prophet SAW. So that was once in his in his messages, and his message. And by the way, it was kind of like this, where there's like a big room. And there was like a wall in between. and he just lived his house with one side of that wall. Right? So it's
like a wall here. And this was his house. And this was the message. Right? So one day, there's a bunch of adversity and young men are dancing and mesh and they're doing like their ethnicity and death. I don't really know like how it goes Don't ask me.
I'm not really quite honestly, I'm more Egyptian, a little little north, but they were doing this dance demonstration. And they were not like young young boys. They were younger. They were they were younger men, older boys, right? And I think she's says she sees this is interesting, right? At this time. She's not old, right? she's a she's a younger lady. And she says, she's, I want to go watch that. I want to see what they're doing. Right? Oftentimes, you're driving on a road trip or you're going somewhere and the wife or the husband or whatever sees the bill, hopefully stop Ripley's Believe it or not, right. Let's nail Oh my god, right. Like, as cargo, right?
So you see that you're just like, Oh my gosh, why we always stop everywhere. Everywhere we go. You want to stop all these things, right?
So the prophet SAW something. She asks him and oftentimes the response from a typical Muslim husband is like,
if you want to fight, right, and then the wife's like, Why, yes. Would you say it like that? And then fights happen, right? No priyadi tonight for dinner only. Right.
But the puppets also said Sure, no problem.
No problem. Let's go watch. So they went to watch I need to demonstrate this. This can't be this can't be told.
I'm only going to
be the same teacher.
So the prophets was okay. Keep in mind, neither one of us are perfect. or neither one of us are like Ayesha, or Mohamed Salah, but just for the sake of demonstration, we're gonna pretend so you'll be in the
I have Ayesha
and I'll be completely honest. I'm really comfortable with masculinity in my manhood, so I'm cool with this. Okay, so the problem for Mr. Salim. He's standing in front, right because obviously the young men are dancing and he wants his wife to be a little more kind of like covered a little bit. She can look but he doesn't want to be in plain sight. And what does she do? She's narrating This is Ayesha. This is the wife of the Prophet Muhammad SAW salon. Right? Right. She goes, I leaned up and put my chin on his shoulder. And then he says,
my cheek was touching his cheek.
Romantic, is that, right? What more do you want? Listen, hold on. Wait.
my cheek was touching his cheek. Check this out. What happens? husbands? What happens? No one that's over here, husbands. When you're at a place for a long time, like an art museum or something like your wife wanted to go, you're like, I just want to go to like, get some food. Right? What happens? What question do you ask?
Are you done yet? Can we go now? Right? So Mohammed says when he asks, Are you done yet? Nope.
Right? This is this is what happened. This is what happened. Literally, my husband goes, can we go? Now she Are you know, he said, Are you finished? She said, No, I'm not done yet. Then again, he asked later on.
Are you dead? And she said, Nope, not done yet. Then one more time? He says, Are you done? And she says no, I'm done. Right. And she left remember the whole time. And keep in mind by the way that like, she's she was shorting the problem. homosassa them. So she can't she can't fit hers. her chin on his shoulder is not gonna work. Right. So she has to sit up on her tippy toes. Now when you're on her tippy toes? Is it very easy to balance yourself? No, you have extremely strong legs like me? Yes. But if you're like most normal human beings, then you probably then you probably have to do something like this, right? Yes. Hold on, either in the arms of the shoulders. This is the image of
the Prophet Muhammad SAW Allah and his wife. later on. Thank you.
After Check this out, you guys think that was nice? After the prophet SAW Selim had passed away? And she's telling us how to ease.
She said, Well, I swear by God, I had no interest in watching those people dancing.
I just wanted my face to be honest face.
Eat that the notebook.
We see that the profit from a salon was exemplary. He knew and he he kept asking, Are you done yet? She said no. And normally the typical response is, okay, let's go. Let's go. But he kept with it. And you see that the Supreme love just falling out of the heart of his wife. Typical phrase that we hear nowadays in society, one was done sorry. Typical phrase that we hear nowadays in society, and I'm not going to complete it because it's very vulgar, but it's a certain phrase, which guys might say to each other. Hopefully, I'm listening guys, which has a connotation of putting your brothers before your wife, right? And all you think you might know what I'm saying? Okay, so very good.
rows and columns, right? So,
and this is a very, very derogatory phrase. It's very, very disgusting. And, you know, we never ever call women any sort of gardening tool. That's not what they are. Right? They might garden gardening tool. So this concept is seemed to be a very macho concept, right? Like you're a man. Then you rather like you brought up with your home, even your wife do like, what kind of man are you like, Come play Xbox? We're all 31? Like no, right? Right? This kind of this kind of idea. It's very like, like, masculine, now it's cool. The prophet SAW Selim was once standing with a group of his companions, and the prophets of some had a very interesting characteristic characteristic. He has a
quality of anyone who he was with or interacted with, they would feel like they were his favorite person, you know how they can you know that you're someone's favorite person? And you're like, Yeah, I know, like, you're telling everyone else that you're the best friend or they're your best friend. But we all know who's best friends here, right? That's the kind of feeling that everyone who met the Prophet had with him, because he was just so kind to them. And they were all like, convinced, man, this guy likes me more than everyone else. Right? So I'm in the us a great companion. I'll do lavon if you're from Egypt, you know what I'm talking about. He's a great companion. And in the US, he
asked the process of selling like his love was just so like for the Prophet, he like the romance was just coming out. Like he just loved the Prophet so much. That he said, Yeah.
Which one of us or which one of the people of the next right all of mankind says, he says is your favorites?
Which one of all of mankind is your favorite man or woman congra humankind.
The problem is listening and responding to one word, he said.
Right? Check this out is even better.
So, the answer is like, treat it right. So he's like, okay, no, no, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean like your wife. Obviously, we all have our wives you met? Which one from the men is your favorite? And he said, What?
We all know that Abubakar Siddique was the father of it.
Right? We all know that, that will end the prophet SAW Selim, when he was even before revelation, who was his number one, homie.
We all know this, that they were like best friends. They were like, so super tight, right? Even up until the day that he passed away. That's why the leader after homosassa was
But look at how he called him. He didn't say the second or the favorite one segment is a bucket. He said what? Her father so even when he's talking about a man, he's referencing it in relationship to his wife. That's how much he loved his wife. That is a true man of love. So if you ever want to get advice on how do I approach someone that I love? How do I engage with someone that I love? How do I Converse? How do I treat someone? How does intimacy work with someone that you love? How do I have arguments with someone that I love? The number one person you want to ask to
look to his guidance and his advice? You will not be disappointed, right? Look to Dr. Phil and Oprah you might get some help and you should, you should just like me read these books, you can get the knowledge of traditional or contemporary scholars, but always always look towards the divine guidance of the elements.
Verily from all of you in the profit in existence is a good perfect example to follow. So as to accept everything that has been said and been hurt. inshallah, I think shake up the natural is going to go a little bit deep into the idea about what love is and how to how to how to practically act upon it in sha Allah. But I hope after my humble Assam's introduction in my talk, that we've all gained a little bit of perspective on the fact that where do we get love from right? Does Justin Bieber give us Tafseer? Love? Right, the Jonas Brothers Big Time Rush all these dudes who wear skinny jeans and then it wants to teach us about love. Right? They don't really know that much.
Right? What? Okay, first of all, sorry, this is a rant. What is Justin Bieber know about? Love? Do the kids like 12 years old? Right? Never say never, never say never. Never say that. You're right, right? Or we got that. No one got that. Okay. All these people are trying to tell you about love. You don't really know that much. All these young kids talking about like butterflies. That's a serious medical condition. If you have butterflies in your stomach, that's usually checked out by a doctor immediately. Like there's something that might happen and seek medical attention. Right? Love is not only the feeling of fireworks in the sky, by the way, I got married on July 4, so whatever
July 4, I tell her like I planned it. I like worldwide to celebrate our marriage.
Love is not all about fireworks in the sky and butterflies in your stomach and in your cheeks. No. Love is about giving peace and tranquility to one another, that when you see the person when you love someone, when you see them.
everything just goes away. Stress just disappears. Right holidays might be different stress might appear right?
But the way that last month Allah designed it was that when you love someone and you're treating each other in a way that's loving,
all the energy just cools off. And you're good to go. Right. It's a lot more fun
to be like