Happiness in the Home

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AbdelRahman Murphy

Channel: AbdelRahman Murphy

Episode Notes

How many of us can honestly say we prefer sitting with our family over our friends? Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy talks about the importance of happiness within the family home using anecdotes from his own experiences in this lecture.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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hamdulillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam O Allah emammal mbi he will more serene say Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Everyone should say solo Salam

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or Allah Allah. He was happy to be here. I'm interviewing him he is sending either Yama, Deen allama janym. And, I mean, Sami Don't ever say I mean looking at you're saying I mean to misgiving. We make that that Allah spawn Tada. First we praise and we thank him. And we asked that he sent his blessings upon the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, and then he makes us amongst those people who try our best to follow the Prophet so some until the end of time.

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Thank you so much for having me at your ISOC LA. I came to Sheffield last year was at the same university, Sheffield Hallam.

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articleship is a different Okay, so it's good to be back come to LA I think it was like also really bad weather. Last year when I came, I guess I just bring this perpetual rain cloud over my head. Hum the lap but it's good to be here. And there's no better topic to talk about, then how to be like Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. This is the mission statement of our lives. This is the reason why we do what we do. The Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim led us with an example. He led us with his speech he led us with his actions he let us with his his silences, inactions. And because of that, we look at his example and we try our best to be like the Papa Papa salsa. You know, one of the miracles of the

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Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam is that his character is universally renowned. And I'm sure everyone's heard of that book where he was ranked number one, most influential of all time and things like that. It gets a little bit outdated when people keep quoting that. But I'll be real with you the fact that people of all walks of life from the Islamic community from the Muslim community have loved for the Prophet Muhammad Al Salaam, whether or not they really know about his story, all that much is miraculous. They absolutely love Muhammad Sallallahu sallam. And one thing that's also very interesting and miraculous is that the more you get to know about him, the more that you love

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him. Whereas the more you get to know about me, the more that you hate me,

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or the more you get to know about, you know, normal humans as regular people, the more you sort of understand about them or experienced them, you know, there's a in the in the Arabic language, the word suffer means to travel, right, like, just go somewhere suffer. But a suffered also means to expose, right like to expose something. And so Ahmed bin cataldo de la Ron, he said, because when someone travels, they're actually exposing who they are. Because when you're traveling, you don't have all the luxuries and comforts of your house. So you have to make do with things. So when you get frustrated that in England, you guys have two separate tabs for the temperatures, right? One is

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like hitting them hot.

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And one is like Titanic cold, right? Then like, because I'm not used to that, then my character starts to chip away a little bit. So instead of being like understanding and saying like, okay, yeah, two separate temperatures, then I start to get frustrated. So my character starts to get exposed on things that I normally wouldn't get exposed to. So unless Rama Tada, you know, one of the miracles that he gave, the prophet SAW some of that the more that you learn about him, the more that he is exposed to us by learning about him, the more that you love him pious, let's just send them the topic tonight. happiness in the home.

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A lot of people really, you know, when we start practicing, or start looking at Islam, or start taking our spirituality seriously, we tend to neglect the concept of how important the home is, when the home is actually the first establishment of spirituality of religion. If you think about it, the home is actually the first establishment of everything. It's the first school that's where everybody starts to learn. Right? So before you start going to like a formal institution of education, you learn at home, you learn with your mom, right? And there's no rules against hitting students at home right? So just kidding, but you learn at home

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The other thing is that you don't realize it but that's where you develop your character. That's where you develop a lot of your manners and a lot of your personalities at home and oftentimes Your parents are if you are parents you are this are the the the tutor for this for the student on how to act in public. And I can definitely think of this my mom was in charge of the religious education of us at home and my dad was more in charge of like the o'clock education so my dad cuz my mom's Egyptian so she's like hyper Mashallah emotional about everything as you anyone Egyptian here no one Mashallah very, very hyper emotional, right? And my mom is you may have heard some stories, but

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Mashallah is good. That's why Egyptians they have like that forever. They were there's a term called you wearing your heart on your sleeve. So Egyptians are known for this Mashallah, like, you can see, there's a joke about Egyptians that they talk with their hands a lot. And they say if you want to make an Egyptian require just tie his hands together. Alright, so like, we're very, very basic, I'm trying to say is we're very external people. And so although my mom obviously could have taught us a clock, no problem, but my dad, because he comes from an Irish background, but as a convert.

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He was he was very much

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Hello and very kinda like smoothing. He taught us like, you know, let people walk, don't don't if you're driving, let the pedestrians go if you see an elderly woman carrying things help her things like that. So hamdulillah the home became the first institution of learning for us. One thing that's interesting, though, is that Allah subhanaw taala in the crowd also gives himself a home.

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He talks about his bait, right? And so whenever Allah subhanaw taala gives himself something. And we also know that we have that thing. And there's some sort of connection, right? And that thing has honor for example, my teachers, you should tell me, don't ever throw pens or books, right? Anything that Allah subhanaw taala mentions in the Quran in a positive way, noon will follow Manga Studio and Allah Allah swears by the pen. So my teachers wouldn't allow us to throw pens or books right, that he can keep taboo loud Iver fi right. So there's there's all these different kinds of things that Allah mentions in the Quran. So my teachers always say, Don't disrespect anything Allah mentions

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positively. So when he talks about how he himself has a bate, or he uses that concept, then the the the concept of a home, is this honored, and we should look into it and start to honor ourselves and see how we can honor it. Now, the home was traditionally a place where people felt at ease, right? do you guys feel at ease at home?

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What if I took your bed away? Would you feel at ease still? Like No, that's the whole purpose of a home is to sleep, right? So and the reason why I mentioned that the bed and specific is because we oftentimes are much more comfortable with our friends than with our families, anybody you can, you can admit that you're more comfortable with your your mates, right? They use that correctly. In America, your mate means like your spouse, right? Like you mate with them, right?

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But you're more comfortable with your friends than you are with your family. A lot of times in America, this is the case with American youth, they're like I'd much rather spend time with my friends hanging out than I would spending time sitting in my at home in my living room. Right. And so this has become an unfortunate tragedy in the institution of the family in America, and also in the West in England as well. What's interesting is that the Arabs, they knew that the home was supposed to be a place of re energization rejuvenation, they knew this and in fact, the word second in Arabic language seen calf noon with a spoon on it. Second means a house. It's housing, right. But

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second, it also means tranquility. Come you know, sakuni doesn't know the word sukoon. It comes from that. So the Arabs is very interesting, the same root word, which means tranquility and peace also means a place to live. Because the place you live should inspire and instill tranquility inside of you. And we see that the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, as always look at the kind of look and feel to the law to certain Hasina. As always the problem homosassa lamb gave us an example to follow on how to establish happiness in the home because you see, a home without happiness just becomes a house. And the difference between a house and a home is that a house is just the physical structure.

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But a home is a place that has a certain element in our an atmosphere of warmth and love, of acceptance of understanding of learning. But the house is just the frame, right? The brick and mortar so to speak of that home. And so without those elements of warmth, and of goodness and of positivity, the home loses its responsibility loses its actual impact on a person and the Profit System. So we're gonna tell a few stories and talking about how did he Ollie sort of Sadam? How did he develop his home life because oftentimes, the most religious of people are seen as the most strict of people. And the most strict of people are seen as people who ruin the atmosphere of the

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home, right? I can't relax. I can't I can't wake up late on a Saturday, right? It's something weird my family, we wake up late on Saturdays, but like my wife, she comes from a Bengali background. And she's got to wake up like 830 on a Saturday. I'm like, What? There's no school What's going on? Right? She's like, I gotta wake up like and do watch. She's like, sit around.

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I was like, why don't you sit around your bed? She's like, Yeah, I know. But like, my dad wants us up. And I was like, What? So like, you know, I'm not I'm not, I'm not trying to, you know, mess around with them a little. But that's just their system, right? That's their system. And they don't like it like the kids are like not want to rest. I'm waking up at 730 every morning to go to school in America, in America, Monday through Friday. So I want a little bit of rest on my Saturdays. Right? So the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim, although he was the pinnacle of the religious experience, he was also the pinnacle of the fatherhood experience and of the brother the experience of the

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community leader experience.

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The first thing that Prophet Muhammad Hassan teaches us if you have a notebook and a pen, you should write this down. The first thing that Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam teaches us is that every single person in the home has an impact on the atmosphere of the home. I want you guys to think what is your impact on the atmosphere of the home? What do you bring to the table? Right? Are you like the the police guard? Are you the older brother, older sister, that has to be kind of like a mother or father in training for your siblings. Are you

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The youngest who your job is just to cry and get everything you want. Right? You can tell I have a lot of angst against my youngest sibling, right? Are you the middle whose job is to manipulate and always feel like a victim? No, I'm just kidding. But what is your role in the home? Are you the parent whose job is to teach and have to be effort? The family? What is your role? Every single person has a role. Just like every single person on a team on a sports team, every single person on a you know, business on a work team has a role. You also have one in your house. Okay, how effectively are you performing that role? how effectively are you performing that role? If the

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mission statement of the home is to bring peace and tranquility, are you contributing to that peace and tranquility? Or are you not? The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam was someone who would bring that peace and tranquility his wife ha estado de la Han ha, there's many narrations where she talks about we would just be sitting at home. What does that show you? Before we even talk about the text of the Hadith. And we talked about just the setup, right? Before we talk about the actual like, the meat and potatoes of the Hadith, just the setup. The the Prophet Muhammad SAW some his wife saying we were sitting at home together. I mean, that that shows you the extent how their relationship was

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very comfortable with one another, that they were able to sit at home. I'm not gonna ask anyone to raise their hands. But I want you guys to think of your parents like are they that romantic or intimate at home? Not romance, I believe Calm down, bro. Calm down. Dude, just like busted laughing. Not like that. But I mean, like, do they show affection to each other? Do you catch your parents sitting watching a movie together. And if you do, and I'm the law, but a lot in the in the States, a lot of Muslim children never grow up seeing their parents actually like holding hands, or like hugging each other. And I shall do Han Has she she tells us she narrates that when the Prophet says

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on came home, or before he left for the machine, the first thing he would do was give me a kiss. Before we left for the machine. By the way the machine was like next door. It wasn't that it wasn't that long of a walk. It was like he was going on a business trip. But he wanted to instill that sort of environment of love in the home that even if I'm leaving for the machine, which is right next door from walking out of that door, I'm going to show you that I love you by giving you a kiss, even when he was fasting Ramadan. Right. So there was no time when the prophet SAW sent him would not be a procure of love in the home. Ask yourself, are you are you contributing to that? Are you taking

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away from it?

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The second point that the prophet SAW sent him had, and this is very, very important. The Prophet Mohammed Salim was very close to his companions, his companions were seemingly with him all the time. Right? seemingly, if we if you read any of the CETA, or any of the hideous literature, you're like, Man, these guys were never away from the prophet SAW sent him before I narrated over 6000 106,000. A Heidi, that's so many, he must have been with him all the time. But the problem is most of them never neglected. Even with all the responsibilities he had, he never neglected his relationship with his family. Right? He never neglected it. And all too often. That's why I asked

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the question the beginning. All too often, our relationship with our friends overtakes priority with a relationship with our family. Right. And so we'll we'll be happy to go out and get food with our friends three times a week. But to take our younger siblings out once a week is a chore is difficult, right? Or to take our parents out for lunch, maybe take my mom out for lunch is more difficult than it is to call my friends. Right? The profit so sort of never let and I would like to ask anybody in this room if they think that they were busier than the Prophet Muhammad SAW them. Right. So besides being a father, besides being a teacher, besides being a prophet of God, he also

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ran a business, he also had all these responsibilities to handle I don't think anyone in this room can claim that they were busier than him. But he still made time for his family. Right? compare yourself, judge yourself against his example. When's the last time that you out of your own good, the goodness of your heart, your own goodwill, asked your parents to go out just you guys or your siblings, or your whoever your cousin, just to whoever's in your home, or your daddy, right? Just someone to go out with and spend time with them is very important. Right? And how much more would you jump at the opportunity to hang out with your friends, or if like a guest speaker shift comes to

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town, or if like matters and came to town, you guys would like jump all over the concert tickets. But when it comes to hanging out with someone who's part of your family, see, because friends will come and go, like myself included, like I'm just I'm your brother. And after this people are gonna want to go get something to eat, I'm going to come and go, your family is here to stay. Your family's here to stay. And those are the people who will be with you unconditionally. There'll be with you. Right? In most cases, unfortunately, not in some cases. You know, it breaks down but generally speaking, they'll be with you unconditionally. Your friends will sometimes get upset with

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you for things that your family would never even dare to get upset at. Right? So it's very important to maintain those relationships. The Prophet Muhammad SAW someone did this perfectly. Number three. This was This is amazing. The prophet SAW Selim never disturbed the peace. Okay.

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Are you that person in the home that you're kind of like, roughing things up a little bit? I know I definitely was. Listen, I was the word I got expelled from Islamic school. Like, who gets expelled from Islamic school. They don't expel anybody.

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All right, they can't afford to. But they're like, you gotta go, right? The funny thing was I got expelled. And then when I graduated, I started teaching there, right?

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So they're like, Ah, that student becomes the master. Right? So what's cool is that my students are always trying to pull stuff. And I was like, dude, I did that, like eight years ago. Right? You got to use the other window is always unlocked. Right? So just kind of like stuff like that. But, you know, I was I remember and I acknowledged that I was somebody who would be kind of like the peace breaker a little bit, right. I wasn't a peacemaker. I was a piece breaker. And what I mean by that is, whenever there would come a situation at home, like for example, you know, there's a funny story about my mom is that

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my dad brought home leftovers from a lunch meeting. And then, after a couple hours, they were gone, mysteriously. And I was known, I was notorious for eating people's lunches, as you could tell by my size. So my mom got really upset at me, right? Because she was like, This is the last time. So she came to me and she's like, go to your room, you're grounded. Stay in there for like, 12 years, don't come out, right. Just stay there. And I was like, ironically enough, that was like the only time I didn't eat the food. And so I was like, I didn't do anything wrong. And my mom, she comes up to me, like two hours later, and she's crying, she feels so so bad. And she says, I'm so sorry, your dad

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told me that when I was taking a nap, that he came down and ate the rest of the food. Right. But because I was such a constant piece breaker, she like was so fully in her right to blame me. By the way, a little side note from that story. When my mom came and apologized to me, this is for any parents in the room or future parents, or older siblings, elder siblings. When my mom came and apologized to me, that was the most probably powerful moment that she and I had together to start are really, really a strong relationship. Before that we had kind of a rocky relationship. We were like, you know, fighting a lot arguing a lot. But when my mom came in apologize, because she showed

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me at that moment that she was human. Right. And so if you're in a position of authority, it's extremely important to show the people who are, you know, subordinate to you, that you are human. And it will it will establish a strong bond between you. So my mom used to do that. So I was known as a peace breaker. Right? The Prophet Muhammad Hassan was not like that. He was someone who would always try to instill the peace, he would always try to institute peace, whenever any of his wives were quarreling or fighting or arguing because he would get jealous sometimes he would try to like quiet, he would try to dismiss it and try to end it.

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The problem is, is that him says in a Hadith, he says, best shooter, well, that's not true. And this Hadees is very, it's very powerful. He's commanding you, right? This is a foul and he's commanding everybody because it's a plural. He says best shooter. He says, be someone who brings good news. Right? Well, that's not for you. to not feel means to to repel people to make people run away. Right? Don't be someone who ruins the mood. Then he says yes, pseudo. Well, that's what he says make things easy. Don't make things difficult. Right? And the reason why this is important, especially for young people, is that as you get older, all of you inshallah, inshallah, we'll get married,

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everyone's like, yes, inshallah, right? And you will probably, inshallah have children. This lesson, you need to develop this now. Because as you're young, and you develop these habits, that's when you're going to start to reflect that when you're older. I'll give you an example. Mm, Chef, a, from a law, a person came to him and said, Hey, man, I just had a child. I need some advice on being a father. And he said, you just have the childhood. Yeah, he was, you're way too late. Like you should have asked me a long time ago, how to prepare to be a proper father, or how to prepare to be a mother. It all starts now it doesn't start when you get married, or when you have the kid it starts

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right now. It starts actually earlier, the habits of patience, the habits of integrity, of trustworthiness of keeping your promise of keeping your word with people, they start now, right? So if you pledge Mashallah to donate to this to human relief, are you going to keep that pledge? What does that say about your integrity? So the problem with Mr. Someone he says, be good for people make things easy, don't make things difficult. You can even ask yourself amongst your group of friends, or in your home, are you the person who brings ease to people's heart? The problem is all sudden, one day he came home and he asked the law Haha, like what is there to eat? Is there any food to eat?

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And she said there are so a lot, there's nothing to eat.

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I know like in a current Muslim household. If the wife was like adding cook,

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the husband's like, what else do you do? Right? which is which is horrible. It's terrible. And honestly, like, you know, to speak on that the the, the socio, this the sort of social reality of forcing a woman to stay in the kitchen. As much as you might think it's right. I don't believe it's right at all. I think that you know, and especially, especially when she feels like that's the domain of her house. Now, granted, brothers are like, well, we suck at it. We suck at cooking. So that's one thing, but to kind of like relegate the woman to the kitchen, I feel is just a terrible thing to do. And I think that Chateau de la Honda, I mean, she taught over 1000 people at hudge. She

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was known as the shake of the

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Haha, they would come to her and ask her questions. So personally, I feel like we need to sort of rebrand how we think of women in our society. And I think especially unfortunately, especially in England, we do have this issue where women feel like they're just being kind of raised to become cooks and make Briana and babies. And that's basically it. And so as men as men, it's important for us to sort of not re regurgitate that stereotype and force them into that. So the problem how my son came home, and he was like, Where's the food? You know, is there any food to eat? And she said, there's nothing to eat. At that moment. He could have done one of two things he could have done what

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most Muslim men would do and start complaining and I go I work all day. I bring home the money All I want is food here on the table. There's no roti, there's no you know, lentils is nothing or he could have done what he did. I still sit down and what did he do? He said to her Okay, I'll fast

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like look at how he turned that moment from a negative from a potentially negative moment into a positive moment. So she goes yeah, there's no food jasola and he says no problem I'll fast today. Right? Like it's almost longer but anyways, you guys ever had those days where you sleeping so much? You're like, I could fast right?

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I could fast and if y'all got two hours left, right, Miss liver, but I'll fast right?

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So the problem homosassa made that happened. The problem is what's worse to them. And think about this. He represents religion to his family. He represents spirituality, not only to all the Muslims worldwide, but especially to his family. And one thing we have now which is an unfortunate reality is that the Imams children are the shift children sometimes tend to be some of the worst off kids spiritually, because the shoe and the Imams are sometimes so busy trying to help the community, but they neglect their own family. This is what I really appreciate about my teacher Sheldon Nasir is that he's always spending time with his kids. He will cancel class with me like Heidi's class to go

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to Chucky cheese with his daughter. Here's a trick Jesus. It's like this little kid amusement park where they have that ball pit and like pizza, and they have like a giant rat in a suit like running. It's like a it's a mouse. I'm sorry, not a rat. Big, big difference. But it's just it's like a kid's theme park. So we're reading Heidi, like what's more important than studying Islam, right? For all like the love of learning, like what's more important than studying Islam? You know, what's more important to studying Islam, making sure your kids don't become non Muslim. That's what's more important is studying Islam. So if I can spend an hour wishing Nasir reading Hadith, or he can

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rather cancel or reschedule and say you know what, I'm going to take my daughter to the park then eyes a student fully understand that and this is the same mentality the prophet SAW someone had the problem and associated them during the middle of a hook But listen, you know the football is not just it's not just a speech not a band. It's part of the prayer the to record the hurt are removed, right everyone's like Friday sweet Well, I gotta pray to record the her banging right there removed and they're made the Jimmy Hoffa so one time it was I forget it was either al Hassan or Hussein was one of his grandchildren. He was crawling amongst the the, the lions. And the profitsystem is in the

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middle of delivering a message. He's in the middle of giving a hug but like he's, he's caught the board recorded all the Sahaba used to record is called but we have books about what is called de Boer, like lessons. This is from the Messenger of God, the last one, the Seal of the Prophets. What does he do in the middle of this epic moment of worship of delivering this teaching, he gets off the member. He goes to his grandchild he picks him up, he takes him on his on his shoulder kind of hold him close. He walks back to the member and he says this young man is going to be a leader and he holds him and delivers the rest of the club.

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Now I want you to think for someone who represents Islam, as the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim did for someone who represents Islam What do you think that did cognitively? and emotionally to that young boy at that time?

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Was he told go away I'm giving called the go away I'm busy. Or when she said hey, I want you to be a part of this experience. Another example everyone knows but really think about it the problem homicidal sudden praying, praying like praying volar praying author in JAMA with the companions he's in such de

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when we see someone in such de when you see someone Mashallah praying and you see them in such that we know that what the Hadith says that that's the time when the people are closest to their Lord is when their faces on the ground, right? such as like that moment where your draw is answered, you're supposed to ask for Allah spawn tada for things or thinking praise Him. So it's the moment where you're closest to Allah Tada. So such as like this beautiful moment, if you go to a flicker or like Google Images and you type in like Muslim in prayer, then usually the image that will pop up is what someone says that like a silhouette is like a beautiful, beautiful image. But a young child sees a

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horse

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right? So we see like this beautiful image of a man Connect connect or a woman connecting to their their maker their Lord, a young child's like it's game time, right? So at hustler Hussain they start they see the Prophet says I'm praying they climb on his back. And his search does taking so long. That the Sahabi who is narrating who's saying this, he says we are praying

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Behind the prophet SAW sent him and he says it was so long Well, he didn't get up from such de that we thought he got sick or something happened. So this hobby says I look up and all I do is I see the two kids on his back like Whoo, like riding on his back.

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And endless hobbies and once I saw that the prophet SAW sent him wasn't ill or, or feeling poorly, then I put my head back down and says that. So then what happened was he you know, he eventually got up into the prayer, but it was much it was noticeably longer than his normal, normal side point. How long would the Prophet systems prayers in one rock out? We learned that one time he led with sort of Bukhara, so it's adding on so it's nice that have sort of Aida, right. So you can already imagine how long his sujood were, they were probably pretty long because he's making, he's praising Allah. Imagine his session being longer than that.

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He gets up he ends the prayer, and he apologizes to the companions, right, which is, again is a very interesting move. You rarely see moms apologize sometimes for long prayers, or like, I'm sorry, it was kind of long, but he apologized. And he said I didn't want to disturb their playtime.

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I didn't want my pray time to disturb my kids play time. SubhanAllah Look at that. Like what if a kid jumped on hoffa sobs back during the hurt today

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are like the shakes back. I'll be real with you. Like I don't even know how I would react. I really, if I haven't told this story so many times, I may have like just like, done a WWF move on the kid like flipped them over. Right? But now because we keep repeating the story over and over again. And we keep talking about happiness in the home and how to establish a positive religious experience. That's what this is all about y'all. Sorry. It's a southern thing, y'all, right?

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That happiness, bliss and happiness in the home. The whole purpose of it is that as a Muslim family, you want to give people positive experiences. You want them to walk away with positive, they have Apple stores here in Sheffield, like an apple store, like an apple computer, like it's run by Apple. Okay, it's not like the like I store. It's like a fake? No. Okay. So, you know, the Apple store, you know what, they're really good at giving people positive experiences, I used to work there. They're all about make sure the customer feels good walking and walking out. Why? Because whenever anyone has a positive experience, they're bound to go back. Muslims know this with restaurants, right?

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Because all we do is eat. So whenever we have a good experience at a restaurant, we want to go back to that restaurant. Because we have such a great experience. The waiter was nice, the food was good. It was quick, good service, it was fast. It was delicious. I want to go back. It's the same with homes. You know, the reason why people want to grow up, unfortunately, I have a lot of kids come to me, they say I can't wait to go to university. And they said the reason why I can move out, so I can leave my home.

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And then we now we have this epidemic where people don't even want to see their parents anymore.

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You know, and it's and I'm not gonna blame it on the parents there are there are parts of it, where parents can do a better job for sure. But realize something, they're also trying their best. They're trying their best, especially parents who come here as first first generation immigrants. They somehow think about this, they don't even know what they're getting into. They're coming here literally just to provide for you that you could live and get an education and make something of yourself. They have no it's like if I asked you guys to move to Japan tomorrow, right? And you're like, Oh, I don't know the culture. I don't know the language I really don't know like, how do they

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even live? What where would I most of the most of our parents who are immigrants. They had no clue how to do anything when they came. And they had to figure it out as they were raising you as they were cleaning your poopy diapers, right? Or your nappies. Sorry, right. They had to they had to figure out how to live and how to make money as they were also taking care. So like, a lot of times that's why I lost my father. He commands as he says what to children. He says, Have mercy lower the wing of mercy to your parents. Lower the meaning of mercy to your parents. Be merciful with them because your parents are human beings and they will inevitably make some mistakes. It's fine. Don't

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hold it over their head for the rest of their lives. But unless Masada also holds the parents accountable, when he teaches us a DA he says Robin hum homak Kamau Bell by any Soviet a very interesting point here You guys ready? Okay. Whenever Ls montale uses the same word for two different things in the Koran. Those things have a relationship right. So for example, the word Rama means what?

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mercy you know, Allah uses the word Rama to describe rain.

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He said that we send Rama down from the sky rain down from the sky. So why is that because rain is

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a mercy right? Makes sense. So rain is a mercy. So when when that one word is used for those two things, those two entities have a relationship. And this draw I lost my thought I says Rob Burnham Houma kemah Rob Bayani sahira Rob oh my lord it humble man have mercy on those two talking about your parents cannot just like they did. Rob biani when they raised me or when they mentored me, or when they were mild Rob, so he had when I was small, Allah subhanaw taala uses the same word twice. Which word is it?

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Rob right.

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Robert hammock, Anna rabine saphira that's the only word that draws us twice. And one talking about Allah subhanho wa Taala. One is directed to the parents, right? You know what, you know what some of us you don't said about this dog. They said the way parents raised their kids, especially when they're young is the way that the kids will see a lot later on in life.

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That if the parent is understanding and has mercy, and his firm, when it's time to be firm, but is merciful, when it's time to be merciful, then the kid will have a same view of Allah. But if the parent is always pushing always, you know, socially emotionally strangling, always suffocating the child, then that child will grow up to see a less Pantani that way. How many of y'all have heard of people who they're like, Allah is always angry? Anybody? Allah is always so upset. He's always so angry. He's always he's gonna punish us. How many of y'all wants to Islamic institutions as children, where they told you they constantly threatened you with Hellfire? Anybody? Yeah,

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everyone's just like, yes. What? Wait, there's Jenna.

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Tell me about this Jenna place. All right.

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I just thought we were good. We didn't go to hell. All right. I didn't know we got to go somewhere. Good. All right. And look at that. What is that going to do? Right? What is that going to do? Especially when it comes from the home? What is that going to do with that child's relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. It's not going to be able to grow, it's not going to be able to grow. And so we have to, very importantly,

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we have to make sure that we really look at the example of the Prophet Mohammed Al Salam. To conclude the talk, you know, Fatima, we're gonna open up to q&a. inshallah. Fatima rhodiola. Han Han, was the only child of the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim, that lived beyond his life, so to sit on. Fatima had a very amazing relationship with the Prophet Muhammad Al Salam. When she was a younger girl, right when she was like a younger girl. And she was she was, you know, a little bit older when she was younger, she would come to the house of the Prophet Muhammad SAW said him and visit him, not just at any time, but when he was in important meetings with the companions. So they'd be sitting

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and talking about for example, an expedition or they'd be sitting and talking your planning about something and faulty mode run in and be like, Dad, dad, dad, right? want you guys to flashback when you were that age. Your dad's watching cricket.

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Okay, and you run and you're like, Dad, Dad, Dad, what's the response? You get? Get out, get out. I'm watching. I'm busy. I'm busy. Nowadays, dads on the internet, right? watching YouTube watching them all the Khan videos, right? So he's like, get out. I'm busy. I'm watching him get out. I'm doing work. I'm doing work. What did the Prophet Muhammad SAW them do? The Prophet Muhammad SAW said and didn't say get out to his daughter. He said pause to the companions. He said, Give me one second. He turned to his daughter Fatima. Okay. He got on his knees. Okay. And then he made sure that his knees were up against her knees that they were touching because physical touch is one of

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the languages of love. And he said How's it going? How's your day?

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And she's like, it's good. And he's like, What's up? What's new? And they actually have like a full on conversation about her day. During that time. All the imagine what the companions were thinking. They're like, seriously, like, you're gonna interrupt like, but they were learning so he was teaching them as well. When with your children, you had this moment. And what happens later, one of the best students of the Prophet Muhammad SAW son, Mr. macabre Gohan. So he had that moment with with Fatima. And then when she was done talking, he said, Okay, I have to finish this meeting. I'll talk to you later and she's okay. And she left. Right. You know, it could have only been three

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minutes Allah Allah, it could have been very quick, but just showing her that she was a priority. Look at how beautiful that moment was. Then now the best student one of the best students have the problem hermosos Ahmad, look what he does. SubhanAllah they're sitting at a gathering and Abdullah bin Amato, Gila Han, who Matt is with the companions and with the Prophet Muhammad SAW some, the Prophet Muhammad SAW said and he said that the example of a believer is like a certain tree. And then he said, which tree is it? And everyone was guessing everyone was like wrong. And I'm loving Omar is narrating the Hadith. And he says I knew it. It was it was the Nephi was the date palm tree.

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Right? And he's like a young boy at this time. He's like, younger than anyone in this room. Maybe like, we're like the bar right there. Right? So he's like a young boy. And he goes, he's narrating he goes, I knew what the answer was. Right. So then, the loving Omar said, but I'm too shy to speak in front, everybody. I was too shy.

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So then finally, one of the companions later on said, Oh, isn't enough law. And everyone's like, Oh, yeah. And I'm the loved one was like, Yeah, right. I knew what it was the whole time. And the Prophet system explained that it's because the date palm tree, every part of it is used, every part of it is beneficial to anyone who uses it. So the believer is beneficial to anybody that comes in contact with the person. Right? But listen to this part. So Abdullah and Omar is going home. Okay, and he's walking with his dad, and I want you to imagine almarhum and clutha with his son, and just picture this this this sort of scene, okay. Ahmed ricotta was walking home with his Son, and of the

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lug goes dead dead. I knew what it was. Right and

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If we had a kid or if we had a younger sibling, and they were saying that we'd be like, yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, sure he did. Right. But are taken seriously. All parts of him seriously, it is okay. Is it like?

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armor taking very seriously, Omar said? He said you did? He said, Yeah, I knew it was the knuckle up. Right. And Walmart said to him What? He didn't say Good job being quiet boy. Right? He said, Well law he if you would have said it, I nothing would have made me prouder. Nothing would have made me prouder than if you would have just said it in the gathering of all the campaigns on the Prophet homosassa.

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I want you to imagine now. Okay, Abdullah bin Omar, what kind of confidence Do you think he has now with his religion? After that moment? What kind of confidence does he have in his heart? That I'm a good Muslim? Right? Because I knew the right answer. And because my dad supported me in saying that answer, as opposed to being like, No, don't do it. Okay, you were good. Just be quiet. Just you're a little kid. You don't know what you're talking about? What do you think that he felt later on? And you know, I've been loving Walmart, if you look at all the Sahaba, the hair, the Sahaba, the books and the lives of the companions, all the scholars of our tradition, they say that the love and Omar

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was the one who used to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet, so send them the most, to the point where he used to even go to the bathroom where the prophet SAW someone to the bathroom.

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Why do you think he had that love for the prophet SAW Selim? Because his dad encouraged it in him. His dad encouraged it in him. The Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim, he didn't have any sons that lived on, right, all of his sons passed away. But he had a servant, a young boy who lived with him, right? Ns and ns One day, the problem homosassa and gave him a mission to go do something right. Not that kind of mission. Am I five or whoever's listening? Right? Right. He gave him like a grocery mission. Okay. So he gave him a mission, he gave him some money to go the market or go get this go run this errand for me. Okay. So ns is telling the story. And he says, You know, I was on my way. And I was

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just going, you know, going the market. He's like, and I bumped into some, some of my friends they were playing, they were playing a game. And what's gonna happen with a young boy, when he sees his friends playing game? He's gonna drop everything and be like, what are you guys playing? Right? Can I play? So that's what happened. So and this is like, I started playing with them. And like time passed, like the sun was moving like time was passing. It was going from her almost saucer. And I just kept playing because Time flies when you're enjoying yourself, right? He said, and then all of a sudden, I instantly, I felt this hand on my shoulder. Right? And it wasn't like a boy's hand. It

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was a man's hand. And he's like, at that moment, I remembered what I had to do. You guys know exactly that feeling I'm talking about?

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Like, when you walk in the door, your mom's like, hello. And you're like, Oh, I forgot the onions. Right? So like, he's like, at that moment, I remembered exactly what I had to do. And so what would you expect? If this was your dad, your uncle, your grandfather, that you turn around? And they're like, I've been waiting? You know, this? Is this normal? It's not I'm not trying to put anyone on the spot, I would do the same thing. We would all do the same thing. I've been waiting. Come on, what are you doing? I gave you the money. I could have done it myself. If I knew you're gonna take this long while all that kind of rhetoric, right? But remember, the prophet SAW some is remembering

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something. He's saying my relationship with this young boy is going to also impact his relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Right. So before he tells him, I've been waiting, what does he show him? A big smile. And as I turned around, all I saw was the profit zone smiling at me. And then the profits was on didn't even yell at him. What did he say? He said, did you have something to do?

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And he goes, Yeah, I did. And the promise of what did you have to do again? And he goes, I had to go get you this and he goes, Okay, can you go do it? I'll go do it.

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Yeah, maybe the errand was failed. Let's say for example, it was time sensitive. Let's say it was a really important thing. Right? And ns forgot it. And maybe it ruined something some path. But you know, what wasn't ruined? You know, it wasn't spoiled. You know, it wasn't forgotten, was NSS. Amen. That's what the prophet says I'm focused on, right. You know, in relationships when it comes to Islam, you have to learn when to pick and choose your battles. I think it's a very important concept that we sometimes forget, is that the Prophet Muhammad SAW said him wouldn't always become the Huron police on people. Right? There's a story of Millenium Benita, where a man who divorces his wife or

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gets divorced from his wife, he actually physically touches her because he's so in love with her wants to marry her, again, wants her to take him back. She's not interested that he grabs her ankles. Now she's no longer my harm to him. Right? She's no longer Muslim. So he's grabbing her ankles. The profits of them is sitting without the love and mess around. And he sees this. He sees a man touching the ankles of a woman. Right? All sudden cut to a scene of like a sword chopping off hands. There's my bat, right? No, he looks at the lobby.

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And he says, isn't it so strange? How much movies loves mudita and how much better your dad does not love movies.

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He's like, isn't it strange how the human heart is that one person can love someone so much and the other person can not like that person just as much

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didn't say anything to the man. Because he knew that in that moment of softness, had he dropped the hammer on him that this man Prophet Muhammad represents Islam to them. And he would have he could have potentially spoiled it. Right and the time to correct him would have been later and private Subhan Allah, look at this character. And this is why we say aloha masayoshi son in common, because whenever you compare yourself against him, you're always going to find holes in yourself that you can fill. Right? You're never going to look at yourself and look at him and say, I'm good, right? I'm good, right? I got this unlock. You're always gonna find some sort of like crack there. I can

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fill that with good. I can fill that with this or feel that with that. That's why we do things like this. That's why we talk about be like Muhammad, because I guarantee you if you live your life asking yourself the question, am I like Mohammed so Salaam, then on the Day of Judgment, sha Allah as you're entering Jenna, I mean,

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you'll say I was so happy that I tried to be like Mohammed cellphone, right? Ask Allah spawn tada to accept our deeds. We ask Allah spawn tada to accept our gathering here together. We ask Allah to make us people who try our best to be like Mohammed Saul Sutherland, and try our best to inculcate easiness patience, understanding conversation, communication, in our homes, forgiveness, so that we can maintain a house of belief of a man and not always try to push things through and force things through. But have a house like the prophet SAW sent him Did we ask Allah spawn tada to give us that blessing me Nero balada mean? So panic alarm wilbraham digna Chateau en la ilaha illa and this

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locodoco to be like Salaam Alaikum.