The Prophetic Remedy 02
Channel: Yassir Fazaga
File Size: 40.52MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Rosa bIllahi min ash shaytani R rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah in the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I begin by greeting all my brothers and sisters saying a Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh who made the peace and the blessings of Allah be upon all of you, and may we all be in the best of health, the best of spirit and the strongest of faith, your appeal Eileen. And I also like to begin by apologizing for last time I believe we had a an issue with the sound system where it was not very
clear but in sha Allah, I believe that tonight is better inshallah herbal Alameen ha having said that, I'll just give a quick recap of what it is that we spoke about last time, in the midst of the of the challenges that we are facing nowadays.
anxiety related to Corona is very common stress, because people are spending more time together is also common as well. And as I always like to do, whenever we are addressing the Muslim community, specifically or when we are addressing a religious community, the tendency is that people seem to undermine the importance of mental health. And that stems from the idea that because I am religious, somehow I am inherently guarded against anything that has to do with mental health. And if I have issues with mental health, what I need to do is work on my religiosity, or my practices, and that will take care of it. That is only partially minut ly true.
So like to begin by making a case for mental health to begin with. And I love the way that the Quran addresses these these issues.
One example, the most visible example would be if you look into the Quran, and as you know that, you know, we Muslims, just in case some of our brothers and sisters who may not be Muslims out there are also watching, we believe in a day of judgment, and we believe in the concept of hell and heaven, a literal hell and heaven. And then the Quran gives images as to what hell looks like and what heavens looks like. But here is the beauty of this. If you look into the image, and the description that the Quran gives, as far as what heaven looks like, here is what we will see that the most repeated, the most common reward in paradise for the believers is not physical joy, but rather it is the state of
mental soundness and mental health in at least 10 different places in the Quran. Allah promises those who make it to paradise Allah says La homophone Allah him Willa homea has a known in paradise May Allah make us all of the people of paradise Europa alameen and our loved ones.
Allah promises that for the people of paradise, la often Allah him, they shall not experience any field while a homea has unknown and they shall not experience any grief and that is very telling Subhanallah because see, there is no amount of physical joy that can that can compensate for any deficiency as far as our mental health is concerned.
But if people are mentally sound, if people are meaning that they are doing well as far as their mental health is concerned, then with little physical joy, they are able to enjoy themselves. But if we are not doing well, mentally, there is really no amount of physical joy that can make up and compensate for the mental agony that we are feeling.
So even though the Quran speaks about physical reward in paradise,
it insists that the most common most repeated image of paradise in the Quran is that of mental soundness is specifically about fear and grief. And inshallah we will see how all that ties into anxiety
and when we look today, that the most common diagnosed mental disorders or mood
disorders and within mood disorders, anxiety and depression are the most common. And here is the thing. Remember, anxiety is this chronic feel, or is this chronic fear that we have of the future or that which is unknown to us. Keep in mind that the way that we humans react to the unknown is by anxiety, because we like controllability. And we like predictability. So when we lose that control bill, controllability and predictability, the reaction that we express usually is anxiety. And what happens is that we have an image in our head, about the future because remember, the only thing that we have of the future is our own imaginations.
And usually, that imagination, most of the time is not really the best, it's not the most accurate, and it's not the healthiest.
So that's as far as anxiety is concerned, and we will come back to it. And then there is depression, which is usually or the grief which is usually has to do something that happened in the in the past. So the only thing that we have of it is the the memories that we have.
And then what we see here is that between anxiety and depression is that we either become prisoners of our imaginations, or we become captives of our memories. We are too sad over what went wrong yesterday, and too worried about what can potentially go wrong tomorrow. So we live out on missing today.
And we miss out on enjoying the moment. So the Quran tells us that for the believers, they will not experience any of these to neither fear about the future, nor to grieve over the past. So you really get to enjoy the moment. In more than 10 places Allah promises the believers laugh often Allah him Wella homea has no and this thing is only achievable in paradise, which is very important, as we will come to learn later on in sha Allah.
And it was also a common practice that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as Narrated by Abu Dhabi, oh, and he would wake up in the morning. And he would ask Allah how many are who came in and how many will hasn't. Your Allah I seek refuge in You from anxiety and from grief lives will Castle incapacity and laziness. And amazingly, you know, we refer to these as the ways that we literally shackle ourselves and insha Allah as we will learn, hopefully sometime in the future. When we speak about Islamic theology and Islamic psychology. Both Islamic psychology and Islamic theology are theologies and psychologies of liberation.
Meaning that the type of teachings that Islam gives is to liberate the individual. And the type of attitude and psyche that the Quran creates or mandates is also one of liberation. And there are two types of shackles that are imposed upon us. There are shackles that are imposed by others, and then there are shackles that are self imposed. So some of these shackles is what we call self imposed shackles. So the Prophet peace be upon him, would wake up in the morning and he would say, Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from being in the state of anxiety, panicking, worry, and from the state of grief, sadness, and, and,
and depression. And so what happens is when we speak about anxiety, and and please understand that to be anxious, or to have depression, does not take away from your belief. Keep in mind that a very practicing Muslim or Muslim, a believing man or believing woman, who have an excellent relationship with God, these are people that can be tremendously, absolutely very tender in their heart, and simultaneously troubled in their mind as well. So the fact that you have depression or anxiety does not mean that we question your practice or you question your religiosity.
And when we do this,
unknowingly, unintentionally, what we do is that we are actually telling people to suffer in silence
In other words, the depression that you're feeling, the anxiety that you're feeling, you are feeling it because there is deficiency in faith. Your Eman is weak. And I tell people, you know, I go to the masjid. I tell somebody and they say, man, I've been feeling depressed lately. They look at you and they say, man, have you read surah trc? Have you read Surah Al Baqarah say, You know what, brother? I was depressed before talking to you now that I've spoken to you even more depressed because of what you're saying. And this is what we call It's a marvelous case of
blame the victim theology or blame the victim psychology, and that is not acceptable. Just a final theological evidence for this.
And that is where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Ma sobre la mina main her main wala has an in wala na sabihin wala was having said that, anytime a misfortune befalls a believer, be it in the form of anxiety in the form of grief in the form of weariness. And here the key word that sometimes we miss is these are misfortunes that actually befall upon a believer, you're able to hear me right you can hear me fine
See if this this better. Okay. So anyway, so now what happens is, E in the Hadith the Prophet peace be upon him said that anytime a misfortune befalls upon a believer, be it in the form of grief in the form of anxiety in the form of weariness.
And it says that Allah subhana, Allah uses this as means of exploiting, you know, some of the poor choices that we have made in life. But the beauty of this prophetic statement is that it says that these are things that are happening to a believer, contrary to what we teach, if you are a believer, you are inherently protected against this. And that is not true. That is absolutely not true.
If you are a believer, you may experience these things. And it's just a matter of time that we experience these, these things. And I say this is important. Again, because we do not want to that is part of the of the myths sometimes that we spread about mental health. And please keep in mind this is not to undermine the importance of practicing or the importance of religiosity. In fact, there are many studies that prove that people who are spiritual, you know, they tend to do a lot better in facing life's challenges than the people who are not studies about even physically speaking people who are spiritual, they recover faster than the people who are not, for example. So
religion does not inherently protect you from these things. And what we do in Islam, we say that Islam gives us enough tools, that you may go into anxiety. But using these tools, your anxiety will not paralyze you. And Islam says that you may experience depression, that does not make you less of a Muslim. However, Islam gives us enough tools, that when we are depressed, we do not go into the state of despair. So when people express an experience anxiety in what is happening nowadays, that is actually normal. And that is actually a very human reaction to what is happening. So people are
rightly anxious and worried and concerned about their health.
Am I going to contract the disease? Will I pass it on to somebody else? Me or My loved ones? Is anybody sick, but we don't know it because it does not exhibit the symptoms
immediately. So people are rightly concerned about their health, especially if you have loved ones and their immune system is already compromised and they're not feeling well. Then people really, really become concerned. That type of concern is very natural. It is very human. And it does not worry us whatsoever.
People are concerned about their finances. Will I lose my job? Are we going to get laid off? Are we going to get fired? Is my company going to close down? I
And we see this around us, you know, unfortunately, a good number of people are unable to work from home. And what happens is that these are people that use themselves to be there. And unfortunately for them, that may not be an option. So people are rightly concerned about their, about their health, and about their financial health as well. So, we say that this is this is normal, if this is how you are feeling, then that is normal. And sometimes we also want to pay attention to our children and how they are exhibiting that, that that anxiety that we're talking about. So in any case,
to recap, anxiety, we said is this vague, unpleasant emotion that is experienced in anticipation of a misfortune in the future. It is vague, you know, interestingly, in the Hadith, sometimes the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Allah, when you do become in Alhambra will harm your Allah, I seek refuge in You from him anxiety and hum, which is also another form of anxiety. But here's the interesting part. They say that, if the source of anxiety is known, it's called Hum, I am anxious about this very specific thing. I have an operation tomorrow, I have an exam tomorrow, I have a court hearing tomorrow. And sometimes we may feel anxious. And we actually do not know where that
anxiety is coming from.
And the Arabic language being so rich, that is referred to as rum and by the way, from that same root verb, we also get over you, which is the clouds. It's vague. I do not know what the source of this anxiousness or anxiety that I'm feeling is coming from. It is vague, and it is unpleasant. Nobody enjoys that. Ask people who have anxiety and data I can't sleep at night. I'm just fidgety. Most of the time, I feel very restless, I always feel that I have a dry mouth. I feel like there is a lump in my throat, I get this very blurred vision. I feel light headed. You know, I've got bathroom related issues, I got constipated and maybe diarrhea. People who would speak about you
know, feeling tingling or shaking or feeling numbness, physical,
physical symptoms of anxiety. And please, as I am talking about this, please, I beg you, I beg you, I beg you. Please do not psychoanalyze yourself or your loved ones, the people who are around you. And I know that it is it is very tempting. And we want to do this, but please do not do that. So when you see somebody doing this, do not immediately jump to conclusions and say, well, this person has got anxiety. And like I said, it is tempting, but I'm just giving you I'm just giving you examples. So it is a vague, unpleasant emotion, because you will feel it
that is experienced that is experienced in anticipation of some future misfortune. Sometimes we know it, and sometimes we are unaware, unaware of it. So at any case, so now what happens is, the point I'm trying to get into is that experiencing anxiety is normal.
What is unacceptable is we do not want that anxiety to be crippling, or to be paralyzing. You know, it is that type of fear that just makes us freeze. And remember also what we said last time, is that it's a survival that you know, we humans use.
Our body reacts to anxiety, like literally our physical body reacts to anxiety. They have this beautiful example, if you're sleeping, and then you know it's the middle of the night and you hear some sound outside. And immediately we say it's a burglar that is outside. And when we say it's a burglar outside, you know, our body starts shaking, our heart is pumping faster. And then we you know some of the courage and go and see outside and we find out that it was the wind. Maybe it was a pet, maybe it was a cat and then we'd all relaxed. But here's the interesting part. See our bodies physically or bodies react to certainty, they do not react to accuracy. Now, a burglar outside was
not accurate. But the thought itself we believed it. And what happened is up
Appreciate the power of our thoughts. Because remember, every emotion that we feel was preceded by a, it was preceded by a thought. So what we want to do is appreciate the power of our thoughts, and to the best of our ability harbor. Good thoughts. So somebody says, Look, are you saying that we can control? Which thoughts come to our mind? No, we cannot.
I remember reading that the average person gets about 70,000 thoughts a day? Don't Don't ask me how they counted. But I read it somewhere. I don't know, maybe I made it. I'm making it up right now. But I know I read it. So they say that the average person gets about 70,000 random thoughts every day, we do not control which thoughts come into our mind, but
we can control which thoughts we choose to dwell in.
And that is why, you know, there was an old sage that said, when these thoughts come in, said, do not serve them T,
certain types of thoughts that cross our mindset, do not serve them. D
meaning what, meaning that Do not dwell in them, see thoughts, if you want to really appreciate the power of thoughts, think of them as a snowball. Now, at the very top of the mountain, it's a small one, but then it starts rolling down. And as it rolls down, two things happens to it. It accrues power, it accrues speed, and then it becomes unstoppable. It becomes unstoppable like that snowball. So, what we want to do is, get a grip of it, while it is that little small thing and not dwell into it. So that unlike owed like a snowball, it will accrue power, it will accrue intensity, and then it will it will become unstoppable. Now, as we are getting closer to the, to the time,
given what is happening, what happened is that I get you know, I get a lot of phone calls regarding this is what's happening with our families. And by the way, please do make use of our counseling services in sha Allah at both
the Memphis Islamic center and Salomon PVS.
So what happens is, people are saying, Look, my family, because of the lockdowns and the schools are closing,
you know, is not, we're not faring well.
And that is understandable say that the family is under stress.
Alright, so defining stress, say that is stress is any external pressure that we are feeling.
And that external pressure, sometimes is physical. And sometimes it comes in the form of finances, for example, the family is under financial pressure, it's an external pressure, meaning that there isn't enough money, which can be very, very true. A man a father, a husband, who is unable
a mother, a wife. If we are on a two income household, who are unable to provide financially for their families, they would feel they would feel that stress. So what we want to do is that we want to understand where these people are coming from. Also the fact that people are no longer at school and they're no longer at work. Usually two things happen. Now we are in a much closer proximity for a longer time, which means that there is more interaction that takes place. And usually with more interaction, the room for friction is bigger.
And when there is room for friction, with no way out, then the stress is even felt more.
In addition to that, the kids are not outside. They're not at school, their schedule has been disrupted, and they're feeling bored. And please understand young kids all the way up to teenagers. They're bored and we want to understand these things.
And remember, one, the more we, the more we understand, I think the better we are able to deal with these to deal with these things. So Inshallah, I'm going to make three final points before we start answering some questions.
As a parent, please know that you control the temperature at home, how you react at this point, is very crucial.
The kind of temperament that you exhibit is very crucial.
The tone of voice that you use is crucial.
Your choice of words in describing what is going on is crucial. And I know when we say these things, we are also adding more pressure into the parents, but the reality of it is what we do as parents is going to reflect on our families.
So the first one was, please come from a place of understanding, please understand that your kids are bored. And when kids are both youngsters, specially they may cry for no reason. They may actually studies have shown that they may actually regress as well. They start doing things that we thought are, you know, beyond that, beyond them as they're ready to move on. And what we see, for example, young kids may start bedwetting again and we thought you know what this was done. So we see what we call regression. In these in these circumstances, they may be less playful, they may exhibit less, less energy. So we want to come from a place of understanding and like I said, for the
breadwinner on the family. They feel that they financially they're unsure there is that anxiety, and that can lead to that stress. So again, we want to come from a place of understanding.
Having said that, the best remedy, the absolutely most beautiful remedy that we can do is the practicing of gentleness. My brothers and sisters will law here I cannot stress to you how important it is to practice gentleness.
And we know that Allah Subhana Allah praised the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Quran, as having as being a person that possessed this beautiful, gentle soul, where Allah said, what oculta for Vaughn Leavell Alby linfoot Bowman how they fare the morality min Allah healing tele home, welcome Tafadzwa and Holly local Bella Fatima how long it is only by the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala that you were gentle towards them, meaning that the people that were around you and had you been full of
ape and had you been a person who was harsh of words? Literally evil
heart of heart, Lanford Bowman holy, they would have dispersed from around you
say you know I live in Abu Talib used to say
mainland Kalama to who that might have been.
Whosoever is gentle with their words. It said that people's love towards him or her increases. And not only that, but it actually becomes effortless. We love people who are gentle we like people who are gentle. And then most beautiful in the Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught and said either have Bala who are elevated at Holiday humor said that when Allah loves a household, Allah introduces the household to gentleness,
to gentleness. So please exhibit gentleness as much as possible.
Like I said, some of these things are easier said than done.
But these are attainable. These things are attainable. Do not practice gentleness with some people some time, or some people most of the time now. We want to be this gentle soul to the best of our ability to all the people all the time. See, it's very easy to be kind to those who are kind to us. But being kind to those who are coming to us does not make us kind. I'd like to say, you know if somebody tickles you and you laugh does not mean that we have a good sense of humor. Similarly,
Being gentle to those who are gentle to us, does not make us Gentle, gentle ness is most needed, when we believe that the other person is not necessarily worthy of it, or they ought to be deprived, they ought to be deprived of it. So please, gentleness is crucial.
And the very first step in gentleness, because, remember that gentleness is the best way to defuse conflict.
You if there is a conflict,
and somebody is yelling, more yelling, or louder yelling, does not actually resolve the problem.
I have not verified this. But there was a big metropolitan city, and they are under a lockdown. And they reported that there was zero robbery, zero homicide, zero, you know, incidents of assaults. But they also reported that they got over 50,000 phone calls of domestic disputes.
And I believe it and by the way, I really do think
that we are going to have more cases of domestic violence, more cases of
abuse, and also potentially conflicts between couples are going to increase.
And this is not just because of, you know, this got nothing to do with Corona. But now it has to do with people being in close proximity with one another. Because the studies have shown that actually the divorce rates, they go up after retirement, where people will spend more time with one another right now. And we would think that this is a good time for us to reconnect. Unfortunately, that is that cannot be said about a good number of people out out there. So the best way to resolve that conflict is not by adding fuel to the fire, but they see that gentleness is actually the best way to defuse conflict. So please practice gentleness.
Not only that, but they also say that gentleness grabs enemies, or it disarms enemies. And that's crazy Subhanallah when you think about it, it said that gentleness disarms the enemies. And that is why you've got to love the story of Musa Ali salaam when he was asked to go on to confront the Pharaoh. And it was said that Allah told Musa Ali salam to Speak gently to
to Musa Ali to ferroan said, for all Allahu Allah, Lena Speak gently or softly to him, because this way you ensure that you disarm your opponent with your gentleness at any case. So, to recap, gentleness is what is needed at this point, you know, the more we practice it, the more we exhibit it in sha Allah, the more we also silently you know,
commanded at home, we don't have to tell people to be gentle, but the more that we practice this gentleness, inshallah it will have a positive impact on those who are around us.
As you know that we do this every, every night, so, and we welcome your questions. So we want to make sure that in sha Allah, we we get to some of them, what was the number one?
See what questions we have
um, this is a this is a really good question. It says can you provide group therapy for whole community? So right now what we are doing is that we have individual counseling that are taking place during the day and we are using the internet online to help the people. And yes, and we are starting on
group. We don't call it therapy Shala we're calling it support sessions.
And we will have one for the sisters. We will have one for the teenagers and we will have one for the brothers
And we will have one for the community. And that is something that we are working on. So please insha Allah be on the lookout, that this is something that we can
this is something that we can do. Last point that I want to remind people off is please, please stay safe and stay home. Especially in areas where there has been
an altar of a lockdown.
What we are seeing is in religious communities, and you know, an intentionally I think they have contributed to to the spread of the of the virus. I remember eating in South Korea, it was in the church that a good number of people have done this. In New York, it was in the synagogue that this took place
in the Muslim community also I remember that it was in a in a conference.
In Malaysia, yes, it was in Malaysia, that, that there was a case when I believe it was in one day it was about 432 people and half of them they actually contracted the virus when they were in an Islamic conference. So please in your area, if the message is closed, please do not come to the masjid remember, you know, it was not easy for people to say the message is closed and by the way, the message is really close. I only have one brother here right now with me at the masjid helping out. But please do remember that if the message is closed, it has been closed not because we like to close the house of Allah. But the message was closed because that was the smart, the wise the safest
thing to do to make sure that our communities are are safe. We do not want to bring harm to other people and we don't want to take that harm and take it to other people and we ourselves also want to be
we want to be protected. So nobody takes joy in closing down the Masjid. So please, if it has been if the masjid has been closed, please heed that advice. Please do not come to the masjid. Now remember when we say do not come to the masjid does not mean go somewhere else. Even about outside, please only go when it is necessary. And when you do please be as cautious as possible. Remember that our physical well being is also an Amana and that Amana needs to be upheld by us. And we need to take care of that.
Some people say you know, it's no longer the case, by the way, people who believe that, you know, because I am young and healthy, you know, I will not contract the virus. And even if I do, I am young and healthy, I will overcome it. I've been reading reports that this is no longer the case. And remember, even if that's the case, it's not fair that we take it and then we take it into our elders, that is just an unacceptable our elders who have their immune system compromised or their health may not be as as good as ours, we want to make sure that this is not this not something that we we we cause for them.
Oh, this is a good question. What is a sign that I am getting stressed out by my family, usually, it is the conflict, it is the yelling, it is the tension that is felt up in the in the air. Sometimes it is the avoidance of each of each other. Sometimes it's the resentment that we that we feel, but whenever you feel that tension in the air, you know feeling that the atmosphere is is there is electricity in the atmosphere as we would as we would say, that is when we you know that in our the family is stressed. So please, you know, even if we do not have a group therapy at home, please have that family time and just sit and just hear each other out. What are you stressed about? And the
point is not to challenge that individual. The point is just to hear them out so that we can come from a place of understanding Brother What are you stressed about? Well, I don't know if I'm going to have a job tomorrow or not. I don't know how we're going to pay the rent. I don't know how we're going to buy this I don't know how we unusually for for brothers and men generally speaking, you know, we take we take pride in being provide
For our families, and when you take that away from us, or we are unable to do this, then that's when we start panicking. So please understand that this is where that individual is coming from, but lashing out on our family members will not change that situation. Listen to the sisters, you know what my kids had a schedule. And I would see them from this time to this time, and I love my kids. But now it's just getting too much. You know, the kids wake up from the very early in the morning. And what's happening is that most of us are becoming emotional eaters, you know, there is nothing to be done. And what we ended up doing is that we just ended up eating, we end up eating and watching
TV, and then playing video games and watching more TV and eating more. And what we eat is not healthy, and mom is just losing it, because look at what is going on. And nobody's moving around. And everybody is being lazy. So that's where maybe her stress is coming from.
Listen to the kids and what is going on with boredom and, and and what have you. So please, number one, hear each other out and see what is it and how is it that the people are feeling. And once we do this, and people feel that they have been heard, remember, they've been heard, not challenged, we just want I just want to hear what's going what's going on. So I don't know if we're going to provide for the family. Well, we've got enough savings. That is not the point. See, when people the worst thing to do is to offer a solution that has not been solicited. When a person has been complaining. When a person is complaining. The most beautiful gift that we can give them is listen
to them, using our ears and using our hearts. See, because we have the ability sometimes we listen with our brains. And sometimes we listen with our hearts. When a person is complaining, please listen with your heart. Do not be listening with your brains. This looks for solution down here. You know you're just looking for accommodation. You just want to let the person know that it is going to be fine and may be fine to all of us, Europa alanine, please be safe. Stay home. Be gentle. Make sure that you exercise and make sure that in all of this, that we are all growing spiritually, take the time to have you know, religious Islamic activities with our families. Make it a point that we
pray together. Make it a point that after prayers that we make to our supplication together for us for our loved ones for our country, for our brothers and sisters in faith, as well as for our brothers and sisters in humanity. May Allah continue to bless us. May Allah continue to keep us safe Yoruba Alameen if any of our loved ones is not feeling well, may Allah give them a speedy recovery. If any of our loved ones has passed away, may Allah bless their souls. If any of our loved ones is going through difficulties may Allah ease their pain Europa Alameen does akmola here for spending this time with us and inshallah we look forward to seeing you every evening here in our beautiful
city of Memphis Subhan Allah Morbihan decrescendo Allah Allah Hotlanta stock for the call to Lake As Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.