Domestic Violence

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Yassir Fazaga

Channel: Yassir Fazaga

Episode Notes

Khutbah – Domestic Violence by Shekh Yassir Fazaga.

Shedding light on a plane that is consuming our community and where we stand as Muslims regarding this issue.

Oct 7, 2016

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Whoo hoo be lugging in a shameful numerology. This me learn a lot

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smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillah

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wa Salatu was Salam O Allah

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shaffir and Muslim vino Habib amin, Mohammed Salah, la La,

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la hearing in the thunder Illa monastery, you know when a stone Pharaoh who want to study when our own, who we don't foresee now say

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Allah Allah Allah Allah, Allah, Allah.

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Allah Allah Allah

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of the research that was

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done by law, labor.

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Law was, had you Mohammed in Salalah. Ali,

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In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah and made his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we bear witness that no one is worth it for sure, but Allah and we bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is indeed his final messenger. Then best of speech is the book of Allah. And the message of guidance is the guidance of Mohammed Salah law balakrishna. May Allah make us amongst those who listen to the best of speech, the Book of Allah and follow His commandments, a melon Allah makers amongst those who come to know the best of ways the way of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam and make us commodities follows along I mean a lot. I mean, a lot, I mean,

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one of the most beautiful relationships in the world, that Allah has facilitated for, that Allah has created is this relationship of marriage, a man and a woman coming together because of loss of hand, Allah designed us that way. So much so that last Han Dynasty, the woman is on holiday, and fusuma as well you

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know, he later and off his side model assigns, that Allah Subhana Allah has created for you of your life. Human beings, like you

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detest

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bounces, so that you may find tranquility and peace when you are with your spouse, when you're unavailable

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and put mutual love and compassion for one another in your hearts, because that is how you get that sense of tranquility. Indeed, in this, there is a sign for men and women who ponder and think.

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Because the very next verse, Allah Subhana, Allah says, woman

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the last part of this site is that he created being able to

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saw the sign of marriage is mentioned in the Oregon prior to the sign of the creation of the heavens of the earth. And that is a four ionic style of telling us

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you take these relationships for granted, but pay attention to the beauty that amongst the panel that Allah has given you. In this in this time, Allah said that the purpose or the higher of it is letus kuno la ha, so that you find peace and tranquility in these relationships and the components for the peace and tranquility. Allah said, My Word,

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love and compassion and sometimes there is more love than compassion. And sometimes there's more compassion than there is love. But these are the two most important components in having that healthy, meaningful relationship

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as the parent does not stop there, in other places the Quran describes and gives the parable of what that relationship is like. So Allah Subhana Allah says, Hoon and evolves from level one to level one. You are, or they are garments like garments for you, and you are like garments for them. And when you look into the core and you find out that the notion of labels or garments, it serves three purposes. We will we will what we wear because it hides our shame you

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Know You don't want to be exposing certain things to people out there. So what do we do, we hide, we can see we covered. And then also the forum tells us that one of the purposes of having a developer or a government, it is for the sake of protection, it gets too hot out there, it gets too cold out there, it rains sometimes. So what you do is that you take a garment around you either to cover you from the heat or from the cold, or from the rain, or whatever it is. And then also, Allah Subhana, Allah tells us, that the purpose of having a garment sometimes it's also for the sake of beautification, we just don't win what we win because it serves a purpose, just the protection, just

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the fact that we are shielded from the weather out there, but also on us and we wear what we win for the sake of Xena as if the Quran is telling us that this is the purpose in these types of relationships. in them, we are the protectors of one another. in them, we cover up for one another cover up like this naturally human deficiencies we cover up for one another. And that's why in the Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said lay off the como camino method. Without curry Amina Amina, Sarah, believing that there is not fully abandoned his believing life simply because he has been tested one of the traits or one of our characters, for chances are, they may be one or two

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things that you really do not like about her or she does not like about him. But then Allah, Allah said, there are also other aspects in that person that you would admire, and that you would like. And then the Quran also said that we think beauty in being with one another, as well.

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And in numerous places in the Quran, Allah Subhana, Allah will speak of this relationship and how it is a marvelous sign of the size of a lot. Now, this is what Allah Subhana Allah has intended. But unfortunately, sometimes that is really not what takes place on Earth. So there is a difference between what Allah has intended for us, and what we do with what Allah subhanho wa Taala has sent to us, as somebody once was asked, said, Is it true that marriages are made in heaven.

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Because sometimes we like to believe this, especially when we're feeling old, romantic, and we feeling all good about the relationships and that wise man said, I really don't know whether marriages were made in heaven or not. But I know that maintenance takes place on Earth. Meaning that it really is up to the individual, because we will talk about my soulmate, this is what Allah chose, for me, you can say all of these things, but by the end of the day, maintenance is a personal responsibility, and it takes place here on on Earth.

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So sometimes, the relationship does not really serve the purpose for what it was created for.

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And unfortunately, we don't celebrate something like this, but what do you do, when this is taking place or when this is happening? In fact, sometimes not only it does not fulfill the purpose for which philosophy panel data has facilitated, but it goes to the very opposite. This is supposed to be the place that we get protection. Now it becomes the place where we are most harmed.

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And as you know,

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this is the month of October,

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and October has been designated as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

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It is such an epidemic that absolutely quiet that people dedicate an entire month, so that responsible citizens will speak against such a behavior. That behavior is inhumane. It is illegal. It is definitely an Islamic and most important, it harms all the people who are engaged in it.

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And I was also remind you that when we speak of domestic violence, the victims are both men and women. But the tendency is that we speak mostly for our sisters. And it sounds as if we're speaking against our brothers, simply because it's statistically speaking 85% of domestic violence victims are absolutely women. So when we are saying this, we are not just bashing our position that is not the intent, but we're talking about this isn't

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issue that is impacting more women than it is impacting men. It is estimated that 25% of women that cause one in every four women has been a victim to some sort of domestic violence. And sadly, when we speak about domestic violence, the idea is not a man hitting a woman slapping her or kicking her, even though statistically speaking, every 45 seconds, here in this beautiful country, a woman is either being slapped,

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punched, or somebody spitting on her face, as every 45 seconds, something like this is happening to a woman and again sadly, it is happening by one of the by one of the men's. So now, when we speak again, please remember keep this in mind. We are speaking on behalf of our sisters because again, they happen to be 85% of the time, they are the victims of such a thing. The Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will be addressing men, believe it or not my brothers and sisters, as you know, men, we play a big role in determining the climate of our families. You know, how does the presence of a father make the rest of the family feel? They said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam said, shampoo nurse of the year

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said the worst kind of men is the one who comes on suffocate the rest of his family. So people listening they said the law

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of messenger of Allah, how is it that one of us would actually suffocate his family? And what a wise man a father, a husband would not want to do this to their family. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam You know, when you think of something, you think of somebody was physically putting their hands around somebody's neck. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who said let me tell you who this man is, man, either the Salah bento. Harsha

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haba

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either hora de bajo Santa Susana,

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let me tell you who this person is. This is a man he said. When he entered his house, he said, everybody starts walking on eggshells. His wife becomes quiet. His own child runs away. People who serve they start hiding for inheritor. And the minute that person leaves is a binary call Western. So they start laughing, and everybody is relaxed at this point. So what happens? He is not physically suffocating the people, his mere presence is becoming such that everybody feels suffocated. And everybody is just waiting for that person to just get out so that we can actually start living. Some people questioned the authenticity of this hobby is collected by Bharani. And

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some people question the hobby, but they say the content of the hobbies itself is beautiful, because it may be very reflective of how people are living around around us. And that is people who are feeling suffocated. And we never want to be the guilty party that is causing his or her family's suffocation.

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We said domestic violence, at least in this prophetic definition. He's not saying that this is somebody who was laughing was kicking was punching was spitting on the face of somebody else. But they carry themselves in such a way that nobody's feeling love. Nobody's feeling the mercy, nobody's feeling the compassion. In fact, everybody's just avoiding that person. Everybody's avoiding that person. And the only time that they start actually living is when that person is no longer around.

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almost reminds me of that saying, some people make others happy, wherever they go. And some people make others happy. Whenever they go.

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Some people bring happiness wherever they go.

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And some people bring happiness. Whenever they go.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is telling us they either have other goals. And when that person leaves, everybody is just having a delight.

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And they are laughing. Prior to this. They will be suffering from

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domestic violence.

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It's not only just violence, sometimes it takes the form of verbal abuse, verbal abuse, leaves permanent March.

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You know, we all want our knees on the table so many times, but there is something interesting about physical pain. You cannot recall physical, it's impossible. we as human beings, we are not capable of recalling physical pain. We will talk to him about how painful it was. But you cannot actually recall the pain. You cannot re experience physical pain, it is impossible. But people will tell you that every time I remember what he or she said to me, I just feel all the pain in my stomach.

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I feel all the pain that took place when he or she made that statement, what happens? Unlike physical pain, emotional pain, that was the result of things hurtful things that were said to us, we are absolutely capable of reliving it, as if it took place yesterday. Celebrate the gift of speech.

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In the Hadith, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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he was basically he said I believe in man is not a matter of believing man or believing one. So they are not a person who uses profanity, who curses who curses who that is not the style of a believer, that is not how we celebrate the gift of speech. And then when it happens to be named calling, where a father or a husband or a parent is constantly calling one another, you know, all kinds of names. That is not the character of a believer. So domestic abuse includes verbal abuse as well. It also includes the physical the actual physical violence, or people literally, physically beat one another. You have this the prophets of Allah Allah, Allah

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Azza

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wa sallam said, one of you should not be like a beast,

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when he beats his wife during the day,

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and expect to be intimate with her at night.

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You truly have to be a beast is that

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you're beating her all day long, calling her all kinds of names. And then when it comes at night, you want to make love to what kind of a human being are you?

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Oh, it's almost like that song of Bob Marley. I'm sorry, I'm quoting him here. Because make sense. So he says, you know that you claim to love the rain, but every time it rains, you hold an umbrella. You claim to love the sun. But every time it's sunny out, did you sit under the shade.

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You claim to love the wind. But every time it's windy, you stay inside. See, that's why I am afraid when you tell me that you love.

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See, that is why I am afraid when you tell me that you love me. Because you can say all these things. But what happens practically is that here you are beating her during the day the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said, You expect to make love when

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you really expect to be intimate with her at night, said you've got to be

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is that is how you are, you got to be a beast. Because a decent human being let alone a person who calls themselves a practicing religious Muslim. You know, they wouldn't do that.

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So the most important point also to keep in mind is that sometimes we have our own understanding of who's guilty of domestic violence. So we think of all the four people or it is a specific ethnicity. It's only the blacks, it's only the Latinos, or it's only the whites, it's only this kind and it's only that kind of thing. It's the uneducated, or we think it is the people who comes from a specific social class. Yeah, actually, this is not the case.

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People across all races, religious, ethnic background, different educational level, including different levels of religious practices, guilty of domestic violence. So to think that why did he Why is he talking about this man, we all are good Muslims. So why is he talking about why he dedicated a hopper to a topic like this? Because you know what happens sometimes some of us are guilty of

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And the sad part is that many of our sisters suffer in silence.

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Because nobody wants to do it I have sometimes have sisters calling me. So share, my husband beat me up, and he beat me up really bad. And I have the police report to show you what just took place. And that sounds

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like you're came to me to call somebody for you know,

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you want to see a counselor? No. Would you like me to talk to your husband? No, it will make things forest. What would you like me to do? I just want you to know, because I can't really take this anywhere else. What am I going to tell people? He beats me. People going to look at me and say, Why do you say, why don't you just stop and leave? I can't, I've got kids. I love it is good to me. I'm afraid of him or whatever it is. What can you imagine what that does to a psyche of a person in the capacity of a therapist, icbs people, unfortunately. And here they say let me just give you an idea of what happens. The first thing that happens to you when you are a victim of domestic abuse, the

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player The very first thing that you lose is self respect. What do you mean? Here I am standing in front of him. He just flat on my face. And then he slapped me. He called me all kinds of names. And I was able to do nothing.

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I failed in standing up for myself. I failed in protecting myself. There is nothing that I was able to do. So now what happens is the very first thing that goes out of the door is self respect. And that's why we play and we say Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah.

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Allah never make us the cause of somebody else's pain.

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Because sometimes our new pleasures like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, We are the cause of pain for so many people around us. So there is the verbal abuse. And then there is the physical abuse. It says that a group of women came to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam in Medina.

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And they were complaining that part of Allah, these men are just beating us in the head. This is Dr. Eli, he says, in my view, so what happened at that time is that around 70 women in Medina, they came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and they spoke about this imposter syndrome, did he tell this woman just go on half an hour? You know, go and just be patient go and which is basically what we tell our our sisters, which is absolutely useless. The prophets Allah Allah Salaam gets up. And he calls for a community meeting. And then what does he says?

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That aid has been brought to my attention. That sounds you're beating them women. Let me tell you who they are. The

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people who do this are not the best amongst you. But see, sometimes, when you study the psyche of an abusive person, what is it that they want? Sometimes they think it is to compensate for our own deficiency, we feel and we laugh, that good sense of us feel comfortable with who we are. So in order to feel bad about ourselves, we need to abuse somebody else. And that is how you feel the illusion of being superior. And that is such a silly way of childish, juvenile, inhumane way of wanting to pump up your own sense of self, because the beating another woman does not make you a man or more of a man, brother, once after a similar hopper came to me and said, You know that I have to

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make a confession.

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I have been beating my wife for the past 22 years.

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And nobody said anything to me. Now that I've heard this a lot, I promise you, I'm going to go and apologize for what I have done to that woman for the past 22 years. I looked at him and I said, Brother, today you are more of a man than you have been for the past 22 years.

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Today, you are more of a man than you have been for the past 22 years.

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The people amongst you are really not the best, the best among you. So very quickly, brothers and sisters, as a community, we want to make sure that we do not condone domestic violence. We don't practice it. We don't promote it. We don't encourage it and most

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Important, we can never be silent when it is taking place.

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Dr. King, Martin Luther King said it so beautifully said silence is the worst type of betrayal.

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Silence is the worst type of betrayal. You know what's taking place? How can you say anything about it? Now, the fact that you said something about it does not necessarily mean that it's going to change. But it validates somebody passing his sister who is abused, she is the victim of this, but she remembers that you know what the amount representing the rest of the community says, This is not what our community stands for. And that is very important. Because silence is the worst type of betrayal and even more beautiful than this is what Muhammad Ali was

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halfway through,

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he who seeks the wrong and didn't say anything about it, and he just said, This person is nothing but a mute devil.

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You really did not promote it by what you said. But you promoted it by your own style.

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If it happens to be some of us practice this will love your brothers and sisters. It is time to stop this because Allah Subhana Allah threatens and levena Yokozuna.

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Those who bonus? the believing men and women man you got to stand one day in front of your Creator Allah subhana wa tada and answer some very, very difficult questions. May Allah Allah bring peace into our families and other bring to them happiness as well.

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salat wa salam, ala rasulillah. Mustafa.

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Please remember my brothers and sisters. A good community is not a community that claims that it does not have problems. A good community is a community that says we would like to face our problems, we are not afraid of finding out what are our problems. And then we want to make sure that we have the proper tools in addressing our problem. Our Center is a friendly center for Unfortunately, our sisters who are abused, our center is only is also open for those who are guilty of the abuse. Because remember, in MST, we have a we have a belief, we will always welcome you to come in. But we do not always approve of what it is that you are doing.

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And the best thing if you are guilty of this, please remember to stop. Finally, there are legal consequences. Remember this, if you beat your staff, if you physically abused your spouse, in the presence of children, that is considered a form of child abuse. Remember, you don't have to be hitting them for it to be child abuse hitting their mother or the father in front of them. Dad is exposing children to domestic violence. And that by the state is considered to be a form of child abuse. And you risk people taking over you.

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You risk people taking away your kids. So remember, it is inhuman, it is an Islamic, it is definitely unposted it is illegal, and is not what good people do, which are on your way out when you go out there. We have our sisters who are visiting us from afsa and one of the organizations that help people who go through that process. And remember in sha Allah counseling is a good idea for the family who happens to be suffering of any of this. So please stop by. thank them for being there. support them, they may have a little donation box. Some of the things is the woman runs away but she has nowhere to go. So they provide safe havens for them temporary housing until they get

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somewhere to go counseling services and so on. Stop by pick up a pamphlet. It may not be you but pass it on, you know spread the information about somebody else. Get your kids together. As far as we need to teach our young boys what it means to be a man, a man you tell your son, there's not a woman that does not make humanity. Then we teach our sisters as well.

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And collectively as a family, we begin that peace in our home in the hopes that our societies become peaceful societies as well along in the battle

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for me