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The Art of Communication

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Yassir Fazaga

Channel: Yassir Fazaga

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Upon rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah All praise is due to Allah. amaze, peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I begin by greeting you all salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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yaku. Nigella Allah Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Allah, Allah, Allah Al insana, Allah.

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Allah Subhana. Allah says, Allah man, the Most Merciful, or lemon, or earn God or earn color, insane, He created man, Allah who will ban and taught man, the art of expressing himself or herself. So when we say that this is really about the art of communication, I think that's very appropriate for us Muslims, because this is really an art. Allah Subhana Allah mentions that along with the boundaries of creation, the name of Allah Rahman, and also along with the idea that this is part of learning and teaching the Quran and also part of it is teaching man how to express himself or herself as far as ban is is concerned.

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And the way that the Quran speaks about

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community communication is that it addresses both components of communication, what is said and how it is received. Because by the end of the day communication is about expressing an idea, a thought or a feeling and sharing it and expressing it or delivering it to the other person. So the Quran speaks about both aspects. Some people say that communication is about speaking Well, some people say that communication is about listening well, and when we look into the Quranic approach to it, we will find that depending on what is happening, both are important. So give you an example. Allah Subhana Allah tells us in the Quran that he took a covenant from Benny surah he

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was a husband or with 100 pokemon pokemon Benny is for me to have a home with a husband me sack up and throw in we took a covenant with the children of Israel in a lot Abu Lola that you worship none but Allah, Allah Dania Santa that you'd be dutiful to your parents, or Brazil or baba Tamar will Misaki in and that you'll be good to the orphans and to the needy, and to those who are poor. And then at the very end of that covenant, Allah Subhana Allah says, when the whole Lula nationa that when you speak to people, you use her and her son and Arabi of Allah, we'll see a lot of this is an indica modaco SNA they can make it good. kabiru Akbar kaviraj Cobra la holy Nancy usno it is

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superlative form, what we call it an exaggerated form, say big and bigger. In Arabic. One of the forms is one of the older listeners, that when you speak to people you speak that with his best command Robinson pantalla work only a baddie coletti

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until my servants to say that which is best, not just say that which is good rather say that which is best only by the Yoku lady here.

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And then Allah Subhana Allah gives us also the example lm Tara k for dorabella hometel and Kalamata Paiva kashia. Jonathan Eva, who has

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said that have you seen how Allah Subhana Allah sets the parable of a goodly Ward is like a goodly tree that is firmly established, rooted, and its branches reach up to the heavens. commendable element equals a pan with a local la Yes, I will tell him

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to Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah, a sense, beautiful speech.

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And that is why sometimes unfortunately, we're not very careful who's what we say. Sometimes we're not careful also with how we say it.

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We don't pick the best.

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And many times we have the ability to pick the worst. Because many of us who handler can be very eloquent, if I'm expressing my anger or I am never short of words.

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But if I'm expressing something else, like happiness, joy, usually we don't have enough vocabulary. If I want to tell you that I am upset with you. Man, I have a long list of dictionary I will never I can never be quiet. I can just go on and on and on.

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As people to express it

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One time while I was in a counseling session, I was a husband and a wife and they were not doing well so I asked the husband they're talking about their problems and they would not stop talking and talking and talking and then all of a sudden to change the topics I said to the husband. Do me a favor. What do you appreciate most about your wife?

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Oh, what do I appreciate most about my why

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appreciate

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a PP R. ec appreciate and she's looking at him. Well, I can tell you that so many minutes went by in good shape. That's a surprising question.

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Three, she ate about my wife.

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Um,

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I'm not I'm not making this up for long. I'm telling you. This is what goes on. And she's looking at him and she starts crying. Okay. It just waiting for him to say something and he's really fighting to come up with something. And he finally tells me

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Chico, Chico, Chico cooks good

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cooks go.

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Then he said

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she's beautiful. And the minute he said she's beautiful, she smacked him on the head. No.

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But then again, when you really think about it, we only are able to express ourselves fully. When we are angry. We can use profanity we can start cursing, we can start cursing we can start using all kinds of things. And we never come short.

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And if you speak Arabic you know you'll never come short by the way because Masha Allah there is a long list in Arabic brought in Algeria Robbie, okay. Where are we you never go, you never go wrong, but there is just so much within the culture within the language. Okay, but then also on the other hand, Allah subhanaw taala invites people to also open their ears.

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Do you know that Suppan Allah, according to the Quran, when people are already either below or in the Hellfire, when they're asked? What led you to the Hellfire? You know, what's the first thing that they say? We didn't listen.

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We didn't listen. But where does it say this in the Quran? Allah will pay a fee half allegiance Allah.

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Allah. Allah, Allah, Allah padega and enter the room for a

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walk on low Guna nesma our nap they do map una vs hobby sorry.

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Every time a group of them is thrown into the Hellfire, the gods of the Hellfire would ask them, did you not receive messengers who came to you from your Lord, to give you adequate warnings? And they said yes, indeed. Warning and messengers came to us for cause. But we attributed what they said to falsehood that scattered No, we rejected them.

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And you are in plain error we said, and then they themselves they say, walk on Willow Puna, nesma owner.

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And then they say only had we listened. Or at least we used our reason we wouldn't be of the people of the blazing fire. No one of us have history.

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Only if we were just listening.

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And then the Quran praises the believers. And Allah Subhana Allah praises the believers as being good listeners, for Bashir, a bad 11 as them your own outlet, in your own center, give glad tidings to my servants, who listen to what is being said. And they follow the best of what is being said. You cannot really follow the best of what has been said. If you have not been paying attention. Which one do you think is more difficult? Speaking well, or listening? Well.

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All of you would say that speaking well. is really a challenge.

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who say that listening well is a challenge.

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You've been watching too much Dr. Phil, by the way.

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If you think listening well is

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they're actually both are difficult

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and they both because see

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With listening, what is tested,

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your patience is tested, I can't believe I have to listen to this rubbish again.

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You know, and here you are trying, pretending to be listening. And you just can't wait for that person to just shush because you know, I've heard it a bazillion times. So your patience is really tested. And what happens when we are listening to something that we don't like, we check out, we check out we don't like it. So we just go to Disneyland. You know, we go to some happy place because we don't like what is being said. But Subhanallah they say that your patience is really tested when you have to listen to something that you don't like. My favorite story is this. They say that the people of matcom This is a Muslim, said that the people of Malcolm were having such a hard time with

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam because the man is just changing anything about that society. And he's this critical of what is happening in that society and he's talking to people about foreign concepts, you need to free the slaves, you need to be nice to women, you need to be good to the poor, you need to be and the people of America just don't like that.

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So one time, a man by the name of Libby comes to visit Mecca. And this talebi guy was very popular for exorcism meaning that he can take gin out of people don't believe that gin can come and get into you. stuff a lot of them okay. So, so what they do is that, you know, they they believe that somebody is possessed by the gin spoon. So they said, We got it. Mohammed Salim is actually possessed by the jinn. And what we need to do is we need to get this doctor to come and see him. So they go to their living, and they speak to him. You are so famous, you're so popular. You're so good at this. We have this man, poor man. He was such a nice man. Prior to the gym coming to him, he was

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the best amongst us. But now he is just terrible. So the man is all pumped up and he said, You know what, I've dealt with so many gyms, I'm very sure that I can take care of this gym as well, where this year, they should have one debate. He is there by the Kaaba, and he's doing all these strange movements. So he goes and he sits next to the process hilum as he was praying, and he said that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam finished the Salah, and he said assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah said. And I looked at it says, and he said, Well, ma hemara A to our Wallah Osama Rasulullah sallallahu sallam. He said, I was taken aback

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by the radiant, radiant face, beautiful face of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So I said, I approached him and I came close to him. And I said, Yeah.

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He said, My nephew, listen to this. Because see, sometimes you just tell people you have money, even though they're not your children. And she'll hamdulillah You're not my child. Okay? But you just address them and say, yeah, bunny, you know, my son, my daughter, because you've just trying to get closer to them. So he goes to him and said, Yep. And he said, Oh, my nephew, said, Do you know who I am? That I am the famous for our Libby. I've dealt with so many gin before. And I've taken so many of them out. And I'm very sure that if you give me a chance, I can also help you. Now listen to this. This is the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what has he been accused of?

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That he's possessed by the jinn. Now what would happen if somebody said just this this to us? No, say, Hey, stop, stop right there, hold it, hold it, hold it. And then you would stop them, right? It to put them in their place you would say, but not Mohammed's awesome so he said, and hate them. And

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have you said everything that you wanted to say? And they said that the people of NACA are watching and they're really excited. They're getting somewhere they're talking, you know, this is good. They said, So,

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and the man said and hate tomorrow and he said, I am done. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam looked at the man and he said in and hamdulillah All praise is due to Allah. Now we praise Him. When a stallion we seek his help, when a spell Pharaoh who and we seek His forgiveness when his daddy and we seek guidance from him. Miyagi Hillel, velomobile Allah, whomever Allah wills to be guided, there will be known to misguide him. Why am I util in Fela, howdy Allah, and whomsoever Allah subhanho wa Taala allows to be misguided. None can offer them guidance. And then he says, We're not allowed to be lemon sugar and fusina and say you are Melina and we seek refuge in a law

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from the potential evil within us and from the evil of our bad deeds. A man bad Do you understand what it means by the way in Alabama? I am bad. What does that mean? Am I bad?

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Mmm

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I'm about age.

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I'm a bad

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after what that means, after what has been said, so Am I bad in English would be translated into an to proceed, meaning that this was my introduction, and now I am to proceed. So he said to the man, I'm bad.

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Sent him. I said, I'm bad. And the man looks just like a man.

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The man looks at the Prophet Solomon said, By Allah, you're not receiving

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Anima

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save one more time.

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So it was so beautiful. He said, say it one more time. Because I have never heard Allah been praised in such a way. He said, love Allah, bad, admirable that I want you to say it one more time. And the people who are looking into this and they say, they're getting somewhere.

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And then the man gets up, takes his Shahada, and kisses the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam on the head. And the people of Makkah are saying now Oh my god, the jeans are really strong. Even this guy cannot take them out. But the point here is that we really had a real ban that was taking place was a real ban. That was taking that was taken place. You know, one need that we humans have is what I can need, that we humans have, we need to eat, we need to drink we need to breathe, but also what other kinds of needs do we have?

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We need to socialize.

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Yeah, we need to express ourselves.

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brothers have no need. I already said what they need. We need to eat and we need to drink. That's all we need. We need to be loved.

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We need to be sheltered.

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We need to rest Mashallah. Very good. Typical.

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We need to be left alone.

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We need

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we need to be recognized.

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We need a relationship with God. We need to be heard.

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We need to be respected. I'm not sure if these are needs or complaints now because it's

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everything. I'm missing that I want some of this in the hopes that my husband or my wife is listening.

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Yeah, they say that actually one of the human needs that we have is that we need to be understood.

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We need to be understood. If you listen Allah subhanaw taala tell smooth. Ali Salaam said Moses, I want you to go and confront the Pharaoh. It's a very big huge task. I want to go to the Pharaoh. And what does most Li Salam say? Most Elisa Lam's immediately asked for six things. Or a bishop said Oh Allah, expand my just for me. So at least rewind.

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No, it's certainly somebody Why do we want our heart to be?

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Be patient? Be patient. They want to be patient, Allah rubbish, rightly. So Trisha, in Arabic means to expand and to make vast, my chest rubbished, sorry, we're still really angry and ease this task of mine. Was that me listening? And oh, Allah, relieve me of this speech impediment, that might hold my tongue.

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And then he explains and he says, Yes, only, so that I may be understood.

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So that I may be interested that most Allah Islam is saying that all I really want to be understood.

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Now, it's not enough that you know how sometimes we will say you want to talk, talk.

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And we just sit there, and they let the other person do the talk and say, Are you done now? Are you happy? Are you happy?

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No, can we move now? Because they think that when you allow a person to talk, they think that it is about allocating time for them.

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But what we miss out sometimes it's not just you giving me the time, but also you granting me what would happen after the dialog has taken place. And that is the idea of wanting to be understood. So the URL puts the emphasis on saying and puts the emphasis on listening as well. Okay. And then you've got this in itself. So Pamela, you know that in Islamic in Muslim theology, we can go on and on about, for example, the virtues of silence.

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Know that silence is

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Good Ole silence is good. They say that a man came to the processor and he said, Yeah Rasul Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Allah. He said, O Messenger of Allah, what is the most beloved de to Allah? subhanaw taala and say for a second and Nevis awesome. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kept quiet,

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and said that he kept quiet for a long time, as if the answer was in the silence of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam that's where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would teach and he would say, mankind a novella he will he will let he who ever believes and she whoever believes in Allah on the Day of Judgment, when cannon Minami la Julio mill, Valley, Ohio, let them speak that which is good out the asphalt or let them be quiet. You know, when they say zip it, zip it is actually a good thing to do.

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Zip it is really a good thing to do. And that's why I've been most proud you say, he used to say, oma or atj. And our Isla de hepsia Minh, Alyssa said, I haven't seen a thing that truly needs to be captivated or imprisoned like the tongue. And you know that the tongue has to go through two gates, before it actually comes out. It has to go through what

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the tongue has to go through to gates,

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the teeth and the lips.

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So said that there are the teeth holding it back. And then there are no you're all trying, it's okay, fine. Take Take a minute. Take a minute, right.

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You know, your tongue is actually behind your teeth and your lips. You know what? It's funny, you said that I've never noticed upon Allah, because they say that it needs to be kept there needs to keep kept Shush. But sometimes we just let it out too soon. Even though Bushido does not praise silence, simply because silence.

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Why is that? Because sometimes we understand silence to be what? The absence of noise? I mean, isn't that when we say be silent, it means that it's an absence of noise? Well, that is silly.

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That is really, if that's what silence means. It's just the absence of noise, then there is really no much point to that. You know, that joke about the guy who loves being silent, and he bought a blank CD to listen to it.

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His cousin liked it so much. And he said, Can you please make me a copy of it as well?

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Okay, but but that's why they say that silence is not just the absence of noise. That's not silence. That is not the type of silence that the prophet SAW Selim praises, because in the other Hadees, he said, also Nero BBC said, My Lord has commanded me of six things. And then he said, what an yakushima, some PM, C Clarke said, and you're gonna know,

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what are some secret, he said that my speech to be in remembrance of him, and that my silence to be in reflection, because sometimes silence can be very uncomfortable.

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Okay, silence can be very uncomfortable. If you're waiting in a court and the judge says, rise, sit down, and the judge is looking into his papers to see what's your sentencing, there is going to be a moment of silence there. But that's not a very comfortable silence.

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Teacher is waiting to give back the exams. And he's looking at the papers.

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There is a lot of silence there, but it's not comfortable. There is a lot of tension.

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A speaker who comes to give a lecture and he's not prepared and he forgets something.

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And he's trying to recall.

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That is silence. But it is not comfortable silence. So they're not saying that it's not just the praise of silence, they say that sapan Allah it is what happens during that silence that really matters. Am I am I being my being lead, okay. And that is why they used to say about ghazali. Some people refer to this as a hadith and some people say that it is a statement by by by risolvere he says Assam to hecla la la lune fellow, it said that silence is our wisdom

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practiced by very few people.

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How many times? Are we really able to hold ourselves back and restrain our tongue, even though we didn't want to say, but somebody practiced that hegman practice that silence, that any case. So now, what do we do as part of this? Also in the Quran, Allah Subhana Allah speaks about this communication, you know, take a guess as to how many there is in the Quran, like you know, has a call who Allah who I had on Yahoo healthcare from all over the world bill fella all over again.

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All in all in accom how many of them do we have? You think in the

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ticket numbers? How many holes do we have in the Quran? Approximately?

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172 wrong.

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I was waiting for that joke. Yeah, say that there are over 275 olds in the Quran close to 300 Say, say to them, speak to them, announce to them declare to them. So there is that idea of God speak to them. But then also the Quran says how that happened. Allah subhanho wa salam ala rasulillah illa bellisseria ami, he liuba Allah. And we have not sent a messenger except that the messenger spoke the tongue of the people. In order to clarify for them Li you be in a law firm. And they say that spoke the language of the people. Listen in Arabi does not only mean language, what else does listen mean?

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Being aware of the culture of the people. Okay. Because sometimes a great deal of a great deal of communication, by the way is cultural.

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You all know what I'm saying? A great deal of communication is cultural. How do Easterners communicate? People who come from the east? Pakistan is Chinese, Vietnamese, of everybody from the east? How do we communicate people who are Arabs, part of Africa? How do people communicate in that part of the world?

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You beat around the bush his whole day long?

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All day long. You're just going around and around? You never What?

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You never straight? How do people communicate here in the West, people are very stressed. Okay, so you're trying to communicate with a person who communicates in a straight way. And all you're doing is just zigzagging up and down and up and down. And it's not happening.

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It won't take place. So what we will try to do in sha Allah is to bring the art of communication as close as possible to us. Whom do we need to communicate with, like the most important people around us to communicate with?

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spouse, somebody said, I want to talk to my wife,

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Kim, whom do we need to communicate with?

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family members built in the form of spouse, parents, children, extended families, and then the circle gets a little bit bigger, maybe with our coworkers. But the more time we spend with the people, the more important communicating with them becomes, right? Because sometimes we see our neighbors and they live next to us for the past 20 years. But we only see them in the morning. So all the communication we have with them is what, good morning, and good morning. Like somebody said that to really explain neighborhoods in America, he said his

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garage doors open at 7am. garage doors shut down at 6pm. That is neighborhoods in America. I mean, isn't that really what we do? garage doors come up to cars leave, garage door comes down, then they come up and they come down. And that is the end of our association with our neighborhoods, that is really the end of it. Okay.

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So sometimes the need to communicate with our co workers is more important than the need for us to communicate with our neighbors simply because even though our neighbors in proximity are closer to us, but time wise, the people that we work with, we spend more time with them at any case. So what we're looking at at this point is communicating with family members. There are three rules that are so important to practice when we are communicating with family members. Let's see. Rule number one. This rule is so important. If we just get this rule down, believe me The rest is easy. Rule number one is the following. The person is always more important than the point.

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The person

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is always more important than the point.

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Because sometimes what do we want to do? I want to make the point

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even if it be at the expense of the person. But wait a minute, what good is the point if you made the point but you lost the person?

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So they say just remember this?

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The person is always more important than the point that he made was it but she was not getting it. He is so he was not getting it.

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So how far are you going to go in order for him or her to get it? The point is so important to us that many times. We

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are willing to sacrifice the person in order to make the point

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even though will lie the teachings of the processable always been what

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saved the point to be made later on. But at this point unit you need to win the person

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when the person and save the point for later on Allah, you know I love this, you know the Hadees are so unbelievably beautiful in the Hadees you know, the man who comes into Salah, and you know sometimes people come into Salah, and sometimes we were taught Salah, and sometimes we were taught Salah by by way of just imitating people, the man comes into Salah, and he's praying and somebody sneezes in Salah, so he steps us because yo homcom Allah No

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it didn't say that but Okay, so he says Johan como la

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so it says said that I'm doing this and people said looking funny at me and this is all happening in Salah by the way this is all happening in salons it in salad the man looks at the mucus what what what and remember, Salah is going on.

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Well, I said I was going on just what what what's wrong? Why is everybody looking at me like that? And this is all happening in Salah. Okay. And then Salah is over. And the man is telling the story and he said first definitely Elian abuso hustle. He said the process will look back and he said for one lie, is it by Allah? Ma II sentimiento sauce. I have not seen a better feature than him. Salalah haha. So he said, Well, no, he maccarone he said by Allah, he did not scold me. While law Hey, man, hey, Ronnie. He said by Allah, he did not yell at me. You know, in the message, if a kid does something in Salah what would happen? Immediately says that, if you bring your children to the

00:31:50--> 00:32:16

masjid make sure that they behave and make sure that people really go crazy, okay? Or sometimes, you know, sometimes we we forget to turn off our cell phones, you know, it happens, people really do forget to turn off their cell phones. And the minute you know, somebody's cell phones, everyone's looking at him. It's like, and that guy is just saying that why in the world did I come to Juma today, you know, I could have just made more money stayed at my job. Because we're not very forgiving.

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Because we so much want to stress the point at the expense of the person.

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They will Oh, by the way, if See, sometimes people will be sitting here and saying that I wish my husband was here to listen to this. I wish my wife was here to listen to this because that is exactly my complaint.

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Remember, we benefit best when we want to apply these things? Not when we wait for somebody else to do it on. Some of you here are a husband and a wife and saying I hope he's listening to this now, you know, well, I hope she's listening. Because you know what, it couldn't get any clearer than this. Okay, but that is not that is not the point. Please remember that always, always. The person is more important than the point.

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And that takes a lot of patience, by the way. Well, I went he said rubbish really sorry, Allah, you know, because sometimes the

00:33:17--> 00:33:34

it will just drive you crazy. But Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would not practice that, you know, the idea of that somebody can actually come to the masjid, I'm sorry, defecate in the masjid urinate in the masjid. And the people just really want to get up at the man and beat. And the processor said leave the man alone man, just leave him alone. He said

00:33:36--> 00:34:07

there is a point to be made. But now is not a good time, especially when you know that this is a kid especially when you know that he's not paying attention, whatever it is. So the processor goes, look, you know, these are the houses of Allah. And we don't do anything like that in the house of Allah. Because the man was just being he wasn't we couldn't we couldn't even call him rude. He was just not civilized. Okay, so what does the man say? He was so moved by the way that the professor Lem spoke him and what does he say said along adequately when Mohammed and he

00:34:08--> 00:34:42

had an avatar he said Oh Allah put me and Mohammed Salah in Paradise and all all these people who are sitting here I want to see none of them in general. Okay. I want to see none of you in general he said because you all were very rude you all were very anti what is the process help say or you listen now you know you don't do he just said he said yeah, he was young. He said oh my brother he said you have indeed made very small VAT which is very vast. It can accommodate all of us, by the way, he wanted to correct but at the same time, never at the expense of the person.

00:34:44--> 00:34:58

Okay, but remember this please. Always the person is more important than the point when the person now and make the point later on. We good with this one.

00:34:59--> 00:34:59

numero dos

00:35:01--> 00:35:01

Remember to

00:35:03--> 00:35:12

say that similar to this point, but a little bit different, where they say that being kind is more important than being right.

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Being kind is more important than being right.

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And usually we are not kind when we want to make the point at the expense of the person. So what we ask him is that many times being blind is more important than being right on all the examples that I gave, by the way, you can either look at it as the person is more important than the point or being kind to the person is more important than being right at that point. You know, I love that story of a man who came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And the processor Hmm.

00:35:59--> 00:36:08

Good luck with what was this point? Some of you are already giving up said that, Oh, no, it's not happening. Okay, we'll see how we can implement them in sha Allah.

00:36:10--> 00:36:46

So this man comes to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as the process Islam is distributing sada amongst people up or coming in for charity. So the process of lamb gives the man something, the man doesn't move, and he just looks at the process. And the process, looked at him and he said, I sent to a lake. Have I done You good? Is this Is this good? And the man looks at the person in the presence of the Sahaba. And he says, Yeah, Mohammed Wallah him as an adult. Is it? Oh, Mohammed, there is no Rasulullah there is no, I will pass. None of that stuff is Muhammad. You did not do me good. And you are not fair man.

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So everybody takes their belts out, well not belt, their swords out. They take their sticks out and they're about to beat on them. And now the people are coming and the person was shielding them and leave the man alone. And the people want to come to him. And it wasn't the one who was offended. He shields the mangoes just leave us and he takes the man to his room.

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He takes them to his room.

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And in there, he sits him down he goes and he gets some more stuff. And he said

00:37:22--> 00:37:23

I seem to be like

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okay, fine, you have a nice phone. Can you please turn it off now? Okay. All right. So he brings some more stuff to the man and he puts it in front of him and said ask them to make you happy now Is this good? And he looks at him and said one lahemaa accent they will adult by Allah you have done me no good by Allah you have done me a favor. So the processing gives him some more said I sent to

00:37:48--> 00:37:49

the man looks at it and

00:37:51--> 00:37:55

are you cool man? You know what? That's really nice. Now, he said we good.

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So, the story does not end here.

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The process looks at the man who goes in as hobby advisor to Allah. He said you know my companions out there are not very happy with you, man, because of what you said earlier. Can we go out there and I will ask you the question again and you give the answer. So he XML and in front of people and he said to me, like, have I done you good.

00:38:22--> 00:38:29

And the man said, well, wha he is an adult and Mohammed is no Mohammed you've done me good and you are a fair man.

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And then the pastor's looked at looks at the people and makes the following remark and he said in MSN Messenger. One Michelle has a Roger can fly Rosalind Canada and the hoonah. He said the parable of you and me and this man is like a man who had a she camel, camel sirajul incarnate and the hoonah a man who had a chicken said Charlotte men who that started running away from him. He said fetch Island nazmi and Hakuna so the people out of the goodness of their heart they start chasing the camel wanting to bring it back to the to the

00:39:11--> 00:39:11

to the man

00:39:13--> 00:39:59

he said put your eyelid surgery so the camera started running faster and further away will fetch Allah Sahaja Yoga sutra Polina so the owner of the chicken said people who stop stop he said, I know my chicken and Hannah element of this. So he bent down and he picked something from his satchel or he picked something from the earth and he said that Yeah, and he and he started walking towards the chickens and the chickens stopped and started walking back towards him. Equal fellow and who taraka who said that If this man were to leave them with what they wanted to do, he would have never seen his cheek and it just be gone. You should want to Anita Dr. Kumar, Morocco.

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That and if I were to let you do what you wanted to do initially to this man, we would have never seen him again.

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How many people came to the masjid before? And we never see them again. Because somebody, because of the goodness of the heart actually chased them out.

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They think that they were telling them something good, but they actually chased them out. By the way, a lot of our young people don't like to come to domestic because of this. I like it when people come in, say North Korea. I bring I have a hard time bringing my son or daughter to the masjid. I tell you right now, my children are not religious. But I really tried to bring them to demonstrate. The other day. My son came to the masjid, but he was wearing shorts. And my son has tattoos. I brought him to the masjid anyways. So the minute we walked in, people were staring at him. And my son looked at me and he said, Dad, that's why I don't like to come to this place. Because people

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just start staring at me. Share, I really struggled bringing my daughter to the masjid. But I know that she was not dressed properly. My daughter is not religious. You know, she's even considering whether she's a Muslim or not. So when she walked in, people were just staring at her with disgust. You know, what, why are you waiting something like this? So she never came back again. Why is that? Because in the process, we put so much emphasis on being right, and not on being kind.

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So the person is more important than the point.

00:41:31--> 00:41:41

Being inclined is more important than being right. And the third one is really, really important. Third one is this. Say what you mean?

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And mean, what you say?

00:41:45--> 00:41:48

Say what you mean?

00:41:49--> 00:41:54

And mean? What you say? Why is that? Because many times

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what we really want to say we don't say?

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And what we really say we don't mean?

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You following.

00:42:05--> 00:42:09

Sometimes, what we say we really don't mean?

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And what we mean, we really don't say, I like to give the example of this, some of you are going to come up that this is a martial law. That was great lecture. But in your heart, you're thinking, Man, that was just a total waste of time.

00:42:23--> 00:42:31

But what you told me, is not what you really meant, and what you really meant. You really didn't tell me. Please listen to this.

00:42:32--> 00:42:41

Our thoughts? And our feelings are places where people can only come by an invitation.

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You follow following?

00:42:45--> 00:43:22

As far as thoughts and feelings are concerned, people can only come in when they are invited. You can just go there. I can't unless you let me in. I cannot. But what happens is that many times, especially amongst married couple, we have got a part time doing this. I love the story of the man who said, you know him and his wife decided that they want to go out. What do you feel like out of food or Mexican? And the guy says, I don't care. And I've asked him again, out about Mexican food. I don't care anything. What do you want? And the wife goes, Okay, Mexican. They go, they have Mexican food,

00:43:24--> 00:43:30

eat Mexican food. He comes home. And she tells me, he comes home and he starts preparing food.

00:43:31--> 00:43:46

And she said What happened? And he said, you know, Mexican food does not fill me up. Well, why didn't you say something I just said, you know, out of food or Mexican food and you chose that one, you know that this? But he kept saying

00:43:47--> 00:44:07

anything is fine, but anything was not fine. Or you're following. Everything was not fine. Okay. By the way, I'm not sure if you agree or brothers. No, this by the way, we don't know anything about you. That you see, let you know. Okay. When your wife comes and says, Are you hungry? What does she mean?

00:44:11--> 00:44:14

What is what does she mean when your wife comes in? She says, Are you hungry?

00:44:19--> 00:44:23

When she said Are you hungry? But is she really saying

00:44:25--> 00:44:26

let us eat?

00:44:28--> 00:44:28

Let us eat.

00:44:30--> 00:44:38

Okay, so now she goes, are you hungry? Because no I am so full. I'm Alhamdulillah I am just really, I am full man.

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She gets disappointed.

00:44:43--> 00:44:44

Okay, she gets this.

00:44:45--> 00:44:59

But why why why is that? Okay, what because now again, remember, because of the way that sometimes people communicate the cultural background that we come from, but whatever the case is, but the point remains

00:45:00--> 00:45:22

And that is what you're thinking, what you are feeling, I cannot know. Unless I am invited in. You're getting Are you getting the point? So it makes it very difficult. When What you say? You don't mean? And what you really mean, you do not say that makes communication not only difficult, it makes it impossible.

00:45:24--> 00:45:29

It makes it impossible. Almost done. You know what, actually, it's a good idea. Why don't we just finish right now?

00:45:32--> 00:45:32

Yes.

00:45:34--> 00:45:36

Yeah, let's just let's just stop here

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in sha Allah, part of where we really like to go with this, hopefully one day insha Allah is to see how sometimes when we have got cultural barriers, we are unable to communicate with our children and sometimes with our spouses and what have you.

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Do you find that if you are married, been married, that how it is that sometimes we just argue about the same thing over and over again, you know, married couples, we just have that ability to panela as if something is going to change, you know, just the same topic. Same thing that she says same things that he says and just goes on and on and on. You know, what's the problem was that

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it has the ability of sucking the life out of the relationship.

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It can be extremely exhausting. So I love it when people come to me and they love it, meaning that it makes me laugh when people say man, we almost got divorced last night. So what happened? We had this big, huge argument. I'm just so sick and tired of it. I almost got divorced, I say, what was the argument about it? I don't remember

00:46:48--> 00:46:49

Wait a minute,

00:46:50--> 00:47:43

you almost got divorced over an over an argument that you do not remember that is a scary people lie that is a scary take that I was just really and he goes on and on. And that is not and that is not healthy. Remember this and this is you know what, when we start practicing this will lie. Now, how the other people react that we cannot control. But at least I know that I can control what I need to do. So please let us just amongst ourselves, practice this, the person is always more important than the point being kind is always more important than being right. Say what you mean and mean what you say but use the best of ways to express to express that and that is why being a Muslim is important.

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At the human level it may be difficult, but when we say that, as Muslims because these are divine guidance, then we can say I want to be like Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam even if the other person chooses not because I am responsible for my actions. May Allah Subhana Allah guide us to become better communicators yada

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yada Jacmel here, holla, holla masala Allah Allah said, you know, Muhammad