Serenity – 7 30

Yasmin Mogahed


Channel: Yasmin Mogahed


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Assalamu alaikum This is Jasmine Mujahid and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio.

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We are today we are happy to be back and I hope that inshallah you all had a good weekend relaxing weekend hamdulillah we are well you know well into Ramadan now and I Chola will be finishing Today we will be having the second part of the heavy topic and the important topic of family problems how to cope. But before we begin, we will start off with some recitation of the Quran.

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Nina shaqiri.

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the meaning superfan?

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One fee for refills sorry upon

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was shown up on TV.

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Vina, kita wangi

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Nina shuhada

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will fit

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on the last one What

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was he upon Lavina

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walk on

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yeah to become

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d, d, d d, d, d.

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d d it was he

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a heart.

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play the tune

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on Ed.

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funnier than

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Now, you said we can do beam workholding

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Salam Wa Alaikum. I will let him in a shaitana regime. smilla Rahmanir Rahim.

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Wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. While early he was a heavy edge Marine,

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we, we are beginning today's show with some beautiful recitation of one of the most powerful segments of the hood and all of the N is powerful, but sort of the zoom out of this was the last 11 as of sort of Islam, and just generally just some reflections about this sutra and about about the ayat that were recited. This this, this is basically a snapshot Allah subhanaw taala is giving us of the Day of Judgment. And as Omar the word as Omar is the groups or the crowds or the troops, Allah subhanaw taala describes that on the Day of Judgment, we will be in groups and there will be two groups that Allah subhanaw taala describes, in these acts. There are the groups the that are led to

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Jenna and there were other groups that are led to Johanna and while the villa and I always handled them personally, there's, you know, these ads really affect me. Anyone who has been to Mecca, especially Mecca, but also Medina, but especially Mecca, and especially during the Hajj season, you will see Allah subhanaw taala giving us a glimpse of, of this concept of people being led in groups, because, you know, there's really no other place on earth where, you know, there's, there's more people coming together in one small space than in Mecca. Even the word Mecca has been coined, you know, using even in secular terms as the mecca of such and such because it's a gathering place. And

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this sapan Allah is is intended to really be a lesson for us a glimpse for us of what what the Day of Judgment, just a glimpse of what the day of judgment will be like that we will be in groups and there will be two groups and we ask Allah subhana wa tada to be among the group who is led to genda inshallah. Now, we know that inshallah leads us to our topic for today. And we we had, we needed to basically have another show for the the very heavy and serious topic of family problems of the issue of how to cope with our family problems. And, you know, we spoke about in our past show, we spoke about problems having to do with abuse, problems having to do with with someone who's, who's having

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certain inclinations towards the same gender, and how does that person deal with it and in the family, different issues that very serious and important issues that we've spoken about, we spoke about how to give nasiha? How what what do you do when your family member is not taking the right path? Or what do you do when your family members are in fact, attacking you when you're trying to go on the straight path? So this is, again, it needed it needed to some more, inshallah some more time. So what we're doing now, to remind all of you, and for those who are just tuning in, please do send your questions. I am taking questions at the at the email serenity at one legacy Please

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do email your questions to serenity at one legacy And you can email your questions anytime it doesn't need to be during the show. Also, those people who do put questions in the chat box, I do my best to take questions from the chat box. However, it's not always possible to get all the questions from the chat box. So what I what I want you to do if your if your question was not addressed from the chat box, please do go ahead and email it to serenity at one legacy Again, for those who are just tuning in, we are speaking today about about family problems, and how what is the best way to cope and what is the best way to deal with those. So I'm going to begin

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inshallah with some of the questions that I received at at Serenity at one legacy And one of those questions asks, What about my children living abroad? How do you as a mother get past that?

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This is a question which talks about and gets at the heart of separation. And I think that, although this question is specifically targeting a mother being separated from her children, I think that it's something that anyone who's been in that situation where they had to be separated from their loved ones can relate to, sometimes we have to be separated and oftentimes we have to be separated from people that we love, whether it's our friends, or our parents, or even our spouse or our children. Now getting to the concept of separation, I think we really cannot speak about the the idea of separation without talking about our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. And, and and

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really, what we have to do is look back and see where is our our our handhold

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We all as human beings, a we are not created to be able to be self sufficient, we as human beings need to be able to hold on to something we as human beings need to be able to depend on something. And that thing that we hold on to, and that thing that we depend on, needs to be something strong. And so what we do as human beings is throughout our life, we go from one thing to another that we try to hold on to, from one thing to another that we try to depend on. And this is again, very different than just the concept of love. we as human beings, yes, we may love a lot of things. But right now, I am not talking just about love. I'm talking about dependency, I am talking about what

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is that center that we put our weight on, what is our handhold. And so we as human beings, again, because we cannot be self sufficient, we try to hold on to something. And some people do try to depend on their own selves, some people try to depend on on others, some people try to depend on their careers, or on their possessions. But what we do as human beings across the board is we try to hold on to something, this is where we sometimes end up failing, or we sometimes end up falling. The reason why it happens is if we put our dependency or the thing that we have has have made into our handhold something that is temporary, something that comes and goes something that bends and breaks,

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what happens as a result is we also end up breaking, and we also end up falling. This You see, with relationships as well, that as a mother or as a spouse, or as a child, you know, to one's parents, we we if we put all of our dependency and on and we make that this person whether it's our children, or our spouse, or or or anyone, the the kind of the that center point that we revolve our life around. As soon as we are separated from that center point, then we pretty much don't know what to do with ourselves, we we pretty much at that point, you'll find that that it that a person enters into a state of devastation a state of even sometimes emotional paralysis, in the sense that they

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just don't want to go on right, they're not able to go on, they don't see a purpose anymore. Sometimes you see this when someone breaks up with someone or, or, you know, there's a failed relationship, or someone leaves or someone hurts you. And and you'll find that because if if that is what you really were holding on to most, then what as soon as there is that separation, it's very hard to go on, it's very hard to function. And this in and of itself is a sign that we were putting our dependency and we were holding on to the wrong things. Yes, we love our children. Absolutely. And we love our parents, and we love our friends and we love our spouses. But if we are unable to

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live without them in the sense that a separation from them causes us so much. So much emotional pain, that it paralyzes us, that's a sign that we're putting our dependency in the wrong place. The so the the answer is that pain of separation is can can be both an indication and a cleansing in and of itself. And I'll explain why. When something hurts a lot. It first of all, it indicates that there's perhaps where we're depending too much on that family member or on that friend or on that thing, perhaps we're depending too much on our children. And maybe we're depending on the feeling of being needed by someone the feeling of being needed by our children. And maybe our our lives,

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somewhere along the line began to revolve around our children, instead of it revolving around our relationship with a loss of panel data. And this is a trap that is so so easy for mothers, especially to fall into. Because, you know, your children are so much in need from the time that they're born. And you give you know, women give their whole lives, right, a lot of the mothers, they give their lives to their children. And sometimes it's very easy to lose that balance and to end to make it so that your life now, instead of revolving around your, your your relationship with your Creator, it actually starts to revolve around your relationship with your children. And this is a

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very dangerous thing to do. You'll know that that's the case because, you know, it kind of becomes your priority in life, even above your your obligations to Allah subhanaw taala and I'll give you an example of that. One example

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Is that the time for prayer comes, but you have an activity for your children, your children have soccer practice or your children have some other type of activity and the focus of your day and the focus of your life is taking your children to their various activities. Or maybe even if you are praying and as soon as you say Allahu Akbar, which means God is greater, but all you can think about is your children, or what you need to do for your children or what your children are, you know, what what activity you need to take them to or, or what you need to cook for them or what and, and you'll notice that it starts to really consume you in the sense that it's not just something that you're

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doing for Allah subhanaw taala sake, but it actually becomes your central point, it becomes your he, it sort of takes over your whole identity as a slave to Allah subhanaw taala. And this is, again, a very dangerous sort of an easy thing to fall into. What we have to do is regained that focus that why why are we here to begin with? Yes, I may be a wife, I may be a mother, I may be a daughter. But is that or or or or a husband? A son? Right? But is that really why you were created? Is that why you were put on this earth to be a mother to be a wife to be a daughter? And the answer is no, that wasn't that isn't our ultimate purpose. Our ultimate purpose is to be a slave to our Creator. And it

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is those things that we do as mothers and as fathers. And as as wives and as husbands that enable that ultimate purpose. They are helpers they are means they are vehicles in order to help us in our ultimate purpose. If your separation from your child has made you feel now that your life is is pointless is is you don't you no longer see sort of a purpose, then it means that we need to refocus that your purpose was never your ultimate purpose was never being a mother being a wife, but rather your ultimate purpose is to worship your Creator. And so we have to come back to that and refocus our heart on that inshallah, we will take a short break now. And I encourage you to go ahead and

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write your questions in the chat box, and inshallah get involved. And when we return, we'll be taking more questions on the question of on the topic of family problems, how to cope.

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And you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. We are continuing the discussion today about family problems and how to cope. This is a question a lot of people have. And we've received a lot of concerns and questions about this issue. So we're taking some of them now. There are a number of questions revolving around the same type of theme. And that is, one of them reads.

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How do I deal with family members constantly insulting you day after day until you just want to shut off the world? In another question. They say I am sometimes depressed on the cruel speech of the relatives, please tell me a way how to face them. I always pray a lot to make them good. And then another question. Someone really insulted me on the street and even blaming me things on me. So what should I create a love for for them, I actually want them to realize their mistake and want them to get back with me and peace, and want them to respect me, please help. So there's, you know, this theme of being insulted or hurt by those close to us, I think that that's something that a lot of

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many people can relate to. And you know how to view this, first of all is extremely important in terms of how we react to and how we respond to it. The first thing that's really important to see is that anytime a person is doing something to you, you know, whether it's, you know, something good or it's something bad, we have to have the ability to look through whatever is happening to us, and see something deeper in it. And what that is, is that everything that happens to us in our life, or everything that doesn't happen is is actually a potential learning lesson is put as a potential learning experience or rather a lesson for us. And everything ultimately is under the command of

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Allah subhanaw taala. And within his will, it means that it It means that what we can do is that every time something happens if something hurts you or someone says something that hurts you, there is a way to look at that experience. And take a step back and examine it instead of just react.

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Usually what happens is somebody insults me, and I just want to react or I just want revenge or I just want to respond. But if we can pause and take a step back, and instead, really reflect on, what is it that I, what is it? How is it that I should respond to this? And rather, how is this something that can potentially bring me closer to Allah subhanaw taala. Because every single thing in our life has that potential, that if we respond correctly to it, no matter what it is, if we respond correctly to it, it has the potential to bring us closer to Allah subhanaw taala there's a Hadith of the Prophet supply send them that says that the matters of a believer are strange, everything is

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good for him. If it's something that we that, that the believer likes, that the believer wants, they are grateful. So it's good for him. And if it's something that the believer does not like, or something that does that is not good for him or something he does not want, then he is patient. So what is good for him. And so you'll see that from this Hadith, we see we learn that every single situation can potentially be good for you, if you respond in the right way. In this case, we need to study the situation look at it and see, well, okay, this person is treating me in this way or this person just did this hurtful thing to me, how is this a potential for me to get closer to Allah

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subhana wa Tada.

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There is one of the she you had mentioned that at every single moment, there is the potential to do one of three things or more. And that is every single moment there is the potential that there is something that Allah has commanded, that I can obey. Or there is something that Allah subhanaw taala has prohibited that I can refrain from stay away from, or there is a decree of Allah subhanaw taala that I can be content with, or I can accept, we can actually break down our moments, every moment of our life in this way and study them in this way. How it at this moment, in this situation of what I'm dealing with now, which of these three things is it and sometimes it's more than one, wit How

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can I actually use this moment and transform this moment, into a vehicle to bring me closer to Allah subhanaw taala. So to begin with, we're trying to just change the way we even look at everything that comes towards us. And once we do that, we no longer see things as bad and good, but rather as opportunities as opportunities to get closer to Allah subhana wa Tada. And when someone insults you, when someone harms you, when someone hurts you, that is also an opportunity to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala. And there are a number of ways for that, first, that the you know that this is an opportunity to show sn, that even and this is a you know, the highest level of manners and the

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highest level is Sn. We know from the Hadith, that the prophets I send them told us that the that there is there is Islam, there is Amen. And then there's sn n sn is that highest level of Amen, that he describes as worshiping Allah, as if you can see him. And if you cannot know that he sees you. This is a way of acting where you know that you're being watched. And that you know, you're being graded by the judge, and you want to beautify your your behavior in the most in the best way. How am I going to treat this person who is now insulting me? How am I going to treat this person that just hurt me? And this is where you get the opportunity to show off to Allah soprano with that, you know,

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we ever since we were kids, we we like to show off, right? We want to show people you know, I can do this right? Or I know this better than you. But you know, we're we're told that we're not supposed to show off, right? And we aren't. But actually there is one place that we are supposed to show off it is actually okay to show off if we're showing off to Allah subhanaw taala Because ultimately, even if we're showing off to other people, there's nothing they can do for us if we're in a competition, which we are we know unless panel data says a Saturday Oh, Mr. filata, mira become or Jeanette and aloha somehow it was odd that Allah says,

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you know, race in towards the forgiveness of your Lord. It is a race, it is a competition. But we are competing and who's judging. It isn't our other, the others that we're competing with that are judging us. So it doesn't really make sense. If you're in a competition to try to impress the person. That's also in the competition. You're trying to impress the judge. And in this case, you want to impress a loss upon without it who is watching you to see how you're going to react to the situation. If it's someone who's insulting you. There's a way

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You can respond with a son. First of all, you don't just knee jerk reaction, insult them back. But you actually respond with patience. And Allah says and one of the advice for this type of situation where someone is treating you badly, the advice that Allah subhanaw taala the divine advice that he gives us, his it's fabulous to hear arson, it putting forth that which is better that which is more beautiful. And Allah goes on to say in this area that if you do that those people who even war your enemies will become your closest friends. This is this is a method of, of actually, when you when you put forth what is what is best. So for example, there's somebody and maybe, you know, like the

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prophets I sent him said he used to give to those who would withhold withhold from him. And he was he was always, you know, it doesn't take that much to give to those who are being really nice to you. I mean, that's, that's kind of just natural, like any, anybody can do that. And when someone is really nice to you, and you at that point, you're really nice back, well, anyone can do that, that's just you doesn't take strength to be nice to people who aren't nice to you. But rather the strength comes in being good and being nice and being kind to those even who are not being good and kind and nice to you. And that's really where your test comes. And and by doing that you are really elevating

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yourself with Allah subhanaw taala. And and this is a huge reward, being patient on the harm of people. And then even though they are harming your even though they're not treating you in the best way, continuing to treat them with respect and continuing to treat them kindly. There is a huge reward for this. This is a lesson This is the the most beautiful of manners. And this is the prophetic example. This is how the prophets lie Selim was that even, you know, we know the story of the woman who would put garbage in front of his his door. And one day there was no garbage. So he worried it, maybe she wasn't she wasn't feeling well. So he went to visit her. I mean, look at this,

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this is the way our prophets I send them was. And and that's our example, especially with our family members. So the first step again, in dealing with these things, is is looking at it differently, that this is not a bad thing coming to you, but rather an opportunity coming to you. And Allah is watching you, Allah is going to see how you respond, Allah is going to see how beautiful your response is or is not. And and so see these people in your life as opportunities for you to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala once you're able to do that, you'll you'll react differently, once you're able to do that will be a lot easier to be patient. Once you're able to do that it won't hurt

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as much. Because now you're you're seeing this as maybe this is actually a gift from Allah, that Allah is giving me this so that I can respond in this beautiful way and thereby be rewarded by him in the highest way inshallah so so seeing it differently, responding differently. That's key, that the next question is somewhat related. And that is how can I forgive others? forgiveness is a huge issue, you know, is a huge question. And especially when it comes to family members, we know, and we should emphasize the importance of keeping family ties, this this idea of, you know, one person 20 years ago, you know, wrong to my uncle's wife's neighbor, and therefore we aren't talking to them

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for 25 years, that's completely Islamic, and it's not allowed, we can't just cut off ties with our family. This is the Allah subhanaw taala speaks many, many times about the importance of keeping family ties and how keeping Family Ties is connected to keeping the ties with Allah subhanho wa Taala voted on him that, that this the the ties of kinship are connected to the tie with a loss the ties with Allah subhanaw taala no matter what someone does to you, you know, with your weather, you know, in your family, that doesn't mean that you can cut off all relationship with that person, or that family member because islamically it's not allowed. Even a stranger, even someone who's not

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related to you, you're not supposed to cut them off and not speak to them for over three days. Because of you know, anger because of you you being upset or you're, you know, the silent treatment. It doesn't mean that Oh, you haven't seen them in a while and therefore it's sinful. No, it's talking about you know, out of anger and out of, you know, trying to have the silent treatment against them. But imagine how much more it is with your own family because the ties of kinship are something very, very sacred. In a stamina even when that that family member is not a Muslim. Even when that family member is not a believer, you still are required to treat them kindly are still

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required to treat

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With respect and to keep ties with them, the ties of kinship are key. Now, does that mean that you have to be their absolute best friend and you have to be the closest? No, it doesn't mean that but there has to be some sort of continual communication or there has to be some some still some level of relationship and respect between you. In terms of forgiveness, I want to extend the the original, or the earlier thought about using all these things that happen in our lives as opportunities. And one of the huge ones is that whenever someone wrongs you, whenever someone hurts you, whenever someone insults you, or back bites against you. Now Allah subhanaw taala has set sent you an

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opportunity to be forgiven by a loss of Hannah Tada. Let me repeat that every time someone hurts you or insults you or harms you. This is actually a gift potential gift from Allah subhanaw taala because it gives you the opportunity for a priceless reward. And that priceless reward is the forgiveness of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Why is that? The way that you know, in order to explain why that is. I'll relate a story that happened during the time of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. And this is a story that many of us are familiar with, when I shot on the line who was being accused of being unjust. During that time, Abu Bakar her father in law, the law, and he found out that one of

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the people who was spreading this rumor, this horrible rumor against his daughter was a relative of his and not only was it a relative of his, it was a relative that he used to support financially as a result of finding this out. Naturally, he didn't do any harm to the to the relative but naturally he withheld the financial support. That was all he did. At this occasion, Allah subhanaw taala The Lord of the Universe sent down an idea about this occasion addressing Abu Bakr Siddiq Rahmatullah Ali. And that area said, encouraged him to forgive. And after encouraging Abu Bakr to forgive Rio de la on a lot asks a very important question. Do you not love that Allah would forgive you? And so

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this was the, the question after telling us to forgive after telling him to forgive, he then asks him, do you not love that Allah would forgive you?

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In response to this ebook, of course or the line? He said, yes, you know, of course, he wanted a lot, forgive him. So what he did was he, he continued to give this, this relative financial support, and even increased it. So looking at this story, it's it's just mind boggling, right? Because this person has harmed you in such a way. And yet, his giving to this person, his forgiving this person, was not for the person himself. The The, the relationship was really with Allah subhanaw taala, the the transaction that was being done was not with the person who harmed him. The transaction was with a law, that with a law, you're making a transaction, Allah is saying, forgive this person, and I

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will forgive you. And is that not a worthy trade? I mean, think about it, forgiving a person. Something, you know, no matter how hard it is to forgive, no matter how big the harm was, no matter how painful it was, it's still something, you know, limited, right? Something, something that you can put a number to write on, on the level of difficulty or the importance. And in exchange for that limited thing. You're given something priceless, you're given something unlimited. And that's the forgiveness of Allah subhanaw taala is that not a worthy trade? And I think anybody who sees it in that way will say, of course it is, of course, it's a worthy trade. This is how we have to see those

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who hurt us. And this is how we have to understand the concept of forgiveness. Every time someone comes and gives you a reason that you need to forgive, it's an opportunity from Allah subhanaw taala, that you may be forgiven. So this is a way to actually see those people. And at some point, send them a thank you card, right? Because Because of that person, because of what that person did to you, you were able to get the forgiveness of Allah subhanaw taala I mean, that should be your favorite person in the world. Because because of them, you got this absolutely amazing, you know, you know, priceless gift and that's the forgiveness of Allah subhanaw taala there's no way to even

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quantify this. And and it all happened because someone did something to hurt you. Someone did something

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To to harm you, someone insulted you. Had they not done that? Had there not been a reason, then maybe you wouldn't have been given that avenue to go straight to the forgiveness of Allah subhanaw taala inshallah, we will pause there for a short break. And when we return, we'll take more questions on the issue of family problems, how to cope.

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Solomonic cope, this is yes, meanwhile jarhead and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. We are speaking today about family problems and how do we cope with them? We are taking questions on the chat box, we also are taking questions at Serenity at one legacy

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Somebody asked a What does forgiving mean, to talk to the person hurts you nicely? What if he to talk to the person nicely maybe says hurts you? What if he or she doesn't want to talk or keep any relation with you? The concept of forgiveness, first of all is in the heart that forgiving a person is something that you do inside. And it you know, basically what you want to try to do is see again, what happened as being an opportunity for you to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala and opportunity for you to gain something priceless. If you see it like that, if you really are able to see it in that way, then it becomes actually very easy to forgive because you got something. So out of this

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thing out of this event that happened or out of this, this situation you actually ended up getting really really rich, right? So you if you see it like that, then you will it will be easier to forgive forgiveness is inside. Now it may be that you don't you still don't have regular communication with that person. Even if you never see that person, even if that person lives in another state or another country, the forgiveness is in your heart. And if there's any way that you can communicate to that person, either asking them to forgive you, if you were the one who wronged them or for telling them that you forgave them, that's fine. But again, the forgiveness is in the

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heart. And we know that the there's a story where the prophets I send them was sitting with his companions. And there was someone who was about to walk in and the prophets I sent him said that there is a man from the people of Jenna that is about to walk in. And when that man walked in, they, you know, they, they were curious as to what was so special about this person. So one of the companions actually went and stayed with that, with that man, to to watch him to study him to see what it was that made the prophets I send him speak about him in such a high regard. And what he found was after watching him for a while, that he didn't see anything really, you know you that

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different about what he was doing. And he went and he spoke to the man and told him what the prophet sallallahu wasallam had said about him and he said you know i don't i don't know what it is that you're doing special you know I see that you you sleep some you pray some you know you you're not like fasting all the time. You're not praying all the you're doing what what the rest of us seem to be doing. He didn't see anything unique. And and at that point, the the man who was spoken about, he said, you know what one thing he said I don't Yeah, he didn't know what you know what it was, but he did say he said but there is one thing that I am doing. And it is that before I sleep every night, I

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make sure that there is no enmity in my heart against another believer. That is what this person was doing that made him be be referred to in these in this way by our Prophet sallallahu wasallam as being one of the people of Jenna. The fact that before he slept every single night he cleaned his heart out from any grudges, any enmity, any hatred, any any any envy anything bad against another believer, that act in and of itself was so high and so beloved to Allah subhanaw taala that it made this person one of those who was labeled by the prophets I send them as the people of Jenna, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to be like him, We ask Allah subhanaw taala to make it easy for us to also

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clean our hearts of these grudges. And you know this enmity and this hatred that we have against our our believing brothers and sisters. So this is this is how we need to view it if that person does not want to talk to you, you know you do your part you're not going to force the person to talk to you but you you. The key is Allah will not ask you about the behavior of others Alo asked you about your behavior. I'll ask you about what did you do? And how did you respond? This test that we're in this this life is a test and this

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test that we're in is about how do I do in this test, not how others are doing. I won't be responsible for how others act, but I'm responsible for how I act and how I respond.

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Another question is related to this says, If I have hurt someone some time, and now I regret, how can I make up that mistake? And this is an important question. What if we are the ones who need to be seeking forgiveness? And by the way, one important other aspect of forgiveness is this. And I appreciate that someone wrote this question because oftentimes, one of the reasons we're not able to forgive readily or easily is because we view our own selves as the victims all the time. And we don't realize that we also wrong others, that we also are, are not perfect. And that's extremely important to understand. If I always feel like the victim, I'm always wrong, and I'm always the one

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being hurt. And I never realized that I'm also wronging others and I'm also hurting others and that I also do that and that I'm also a fallible human being, then we have a more serious problem. And so it's extremely important that we recognize that we too, need the forgiveness of others, we to hurt others we to wrong, others because none of us are angels. We if any of us think that we're angels, then we have a more serious problem than the person who hurt us. So realizing that we also heard others and make mistakes. And beyond that, is we every single day that we live we wrong Allah subhanaw taala every time we sin, we are wronging Allah subhanaw taala. So how is it that we claim

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or how is it that we ask for Allah to forgive us? We ask Allah subhanaw taala in Ramadan and elsewhere. Yeah, alarm and neck alarm in nikka, phone to hiwula 4510 Allah, you are the most forgiving, so so and you love to forgive, so forgive us. So we ask on the one hand Allah to forgive us, when we have wronged Allah subhanaw taala when we do wrong every single day, against him, and at the others at the same time, while we're asking Allah for forgiveness, we refuse to forgive others. This is a this is a you know, this is this is a contradiction. And we have no right to to seek and, and and hope for the forgiveness of Allah subhanaw taala when when when we ourselves are so

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unwilling to give it to others, when we ourselves are so in need of it, and yet are unwilling to give it to others. That's extremely important. So the idea here is what happens when you have the law, you do recognize that you also need to seek the forgiveness of others, you have also wronged others. And the way to make up for that is, you know, first of all, if it's possible, seek that person's forgiveness. Go to that person sincerely and ask them to forgive you. Now, whether or not that person forgives you, as long as you've done your part, Allah subhanaw taala will not ask you beyond your, your part beyond your ability, we ask Allah subhanaw taala that that person will

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forgive us. However, you have to show a law that you've done everything you can that you have done everything you can to seek that person's forgiveness to try to make it right with that person. And the result is up to Allah subhanaw taala. And don't beat yourself up. If that person regardless of what you've done refuses to forgive you. Because you you are going to be asked about doing your own part.

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Also, sometimes there are situations where you're not able to seek that person's forgiveness for one reason or another. ask Allah subhanaw taala to forgive that person. Part of you know, beyond asking Allah to forgive you for the wrong you did also ask a lot to forgive that person who you wronged part of you trying to make up for what you've done is that you're asking Allah subhanaw taala for mercy and forgiveness upon that person. And this is, you know, part of making up for what you have done wrong. And if it's something where you've taken the rights of another person, it's it's you need to you need to try to make that up. For example, if you've taken money from someone and or you

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stole from some if if it's a matter of stealing This is one one example to show if it's if it's that you stole money from someone you harm to that person, but you also need to rectify it. And so you need to give that back you need to give the money back that you took part of making it right with the person is asking for forgiveness, asking Allah subhanaw taala for forgiveness, but also trying to rectify the the wrong that you did, if it involves money or if it involves, whatever whatever there is that you that you can and should rectify.

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I'm going to end inshallah with some question. There's two different questions.

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About a similar topic and that has to do with a mother who perhaps is not being equally who's not treating the child equally or kindly. One says what does the stem say about parents treating the children unequally, my mother worries about every need my brother has and rarely notices anything about me. And in another question,

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you know, it has to take that she takes out her anger on me, but that still feels so unfair, how can I cope?

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Again, I would say that you seek refuge in Allah subhanaw taala you know, you do everything you can to try to get yourself out of unjust situations, but sometimes it's not possible. When someone is your own mother. It's not it's you can't just go and buy a new mother at the store, right? You can't just get out of these situations all the time. So we what we do is we start to see the situation differently, we start to see it, how is this an opportunity for me to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala either in my treatment with my mother or in my, in my, in the fact that this is pushing me to Allah subhanaw taala it's pushing me towards getting closer to him because of the harm that I'm you

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know, I'm, I'm going through on this hand. On the other hand, it's making me break em, it's making me make more sincere and intense and it's making me get closer to Allah subhanaw taala try to use those opportunities to actually bring you closer to Allah and ask Allah subhanaw taala to make a way out for you. If you don't see any way out for yourself. ask Allah subhanaw taala to make a way out for you for Allah subhanaw taala can make a way out of any situation. According Holly Heather was stuck for a lot. He would come in order for him subhanak hello to him that he had when he lands nostoc phylloquinone to Lake wa salam wa Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh