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Alchemy of Attachment

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Yasmin Mogahed

Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

Episode Notes

The Society for Islamic Awareness at UT Austin
Presented on Friday Oct. 25, 2013

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Out of la mina shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah who Allah Allah, he was a Jemaine abstractly Saudi with siddalee Omri wanna lock that I mean listening of Whoa, whoa, holy. I want to begin by saying that I'm actually really excited to be here. And part of the reason that I'm really excited to be here is that I, you know, when you're within a group of people, you typically feel some sort of vibe from them. And there's a very enthusiastic vibe from this room. So Mashallah, that that affects that affects me, and Hamdulillah, I thank you for coming out, I thank you for inviting me. It's a beautiful topic. And

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it's a topic that's extremely important for us to reflect on. And this is a topic that can transform us, we as human beings, we all have a very similar sort of, we have a similar nature, we have one creator.

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And that creator made us in a specific way. And he made us with a very specific nature, all of us have the same nature.

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The only difference between one person to the other is that sometimes that nature, the natural state of the human being gets covered up.

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Allah subhanaw taala created within every human being, something will call

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something like a whole, something like a sort of empty space inside of the human being. This is all conceptual, not literally, but there is this need inside of every human being. That means that Muslim, non Muslim, every human being has this need.

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And anytime that as a human being, we feel a sense of emptiness, or we feel a sense of something's missing inside us, something needs to be filled. So we are motivated to try to fill it right. This is a natural motivation, you feel empty, you want to feel

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this is where we fall into the problem. Because what we try to do is we try to fill our emptiness with what is closest to us, and with what we can see and feel and touch. Because as human beings, we have this weakness. Among other things, our weakness is that we like to reach out to the things that we can see. And the things that are that feel more tangible. More than we like to go beyond that what is unseen. So what we as human beings, because we have this nature of impatience, we have a nature of wanting what is easy, and what is what seems to be closer to us. So what we end up doing is we try to fill this emptiness that we agreed everyone has. We try to fill this emptiness with the

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material world.

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And when I say the material world, don't get me wrong, don't misunderstand, I don't only mean that we try to fill it with material things as in money and jewelry and fancy cars. That is one of the things. Those are things that yes, we do try to fill the emptiness with.

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But there are a lot. There are a lot of different types of sedatives that we try to take in order to numb the feeling of emptiness and in order to fill that void.

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Now here's the problem. We set a last panel, Tyler created everything right? And Allah subhanaw taala made an emptiness or made a void that can only be filled

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can only be filled with one thing.

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So this is where we fall into the problem.

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As human beings, we feel the emptiness and so we go to try to fill it, but we try to fill it with the wrong things. Some of us try to fill it

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with drugs, some try to fill it with alcohol.

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Some try to fill it with other people. Some try to fill it with our careers. Some try to fill it with money.

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Some try to fill it with power status.

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But essentially we're all trying to do the same thing.

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We're trying to fill that emptiness and

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this is the reason why.

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As human beings we start to take these objects. Sometimes there are other people sometimes they are our careers, sometimes they are money, sometimes status, sometimes power sometimes wealth, but we take

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These things and we start to love them as we should only love our Creator

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Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran

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but out of alignment straightener, Najim woman and nasty many women do in in Lehi, and then you have buena honka Bella.

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And there are some from among people mamina nassima tuxedomoon de la he and then that there are some people who take besides a law, rivals and then and in what way are these things rivals with Allah subhanaw taala These are not things necessarily that we bow down to, they are not things that we necessarily pray to. Because we have this idea in our mind that an idol is just something that you make out of stone, and then you pray to it. Right at the time of the prophet SAW Selim, the idol worshippers, they made stone idols and they pray to them.

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And so we we limit this concept of idol worship, we limit this concept to just a stone object or saying that God has a son and that's where we that's where we think that's that's that's idol worship and as long as I don't do that, I don't have idols of the heart. But alive in this area is saying that there are people who take rivals with Allah, and in what way are they rivals with Allah, you hit buena home kaha belaire.

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They love them as they should only love Allah. They love them as the love that they should have for Allah.

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When levena Amano should do her bendy left, and those who believe are the most intense I shudder to hug vandalia their strongest love their most intense love is for Allah.

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Now everything that I've just said, is still very conceptual.

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No one in this room will raise their hand and say, okay, actually I love

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so and so more than Allah, or I love such and such as I should only love Allah. Because typically as believers,

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even disbelievers, we don't, we don't really recognize this. And we wouldn't, we wouldn't acknowledge it.

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But in our actions, and in our inside of us, that's the situation but we don't recognize it.

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The natural question is,

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first, how do you recognize what these things are, that we love, as we should only love Allah? That's the first question.

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Second, what's the problem with doing this? What are the consequences of loving something as you should only love Allah? What is the consequence of taking this emptiness that we all have, and filling it with something other than our Creator and the love of our Creator? And the ultimate attachment to our Creator? What is the consequence?

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First of all, let's ask What? How do we know what things we have taken? and loved as we should only love Allah?

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Well, nobody can, you know, like, go inside with some sort of apparatus and do a test on the heart that's going to tell you okay for you, you know, it's your money for you. It's school for you. It's your job for you. It's people, and maybe it's a combination of things. We don't have any sort of litmus test or blood test for this, right. So how do you find out?

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You know, that there are indicators of love.

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There are indicators of love. And I want you guys to ask yourself this question.

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We've all experienced human love at the least right? We know what it feels like to love another person. Am I right? anyone in this room never felt love in their life.

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Okay, good.

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We've all felt experience this, this

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emotion. Now ask yourself this when you love another person?

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What does it look like? How do you feel? How do you act? What are the indicators of love?

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Well, first of all, one of the most clear indicators of love is whatever you love most whatever occupies the biggest part in your heart is going to also occupy the biggest part in your thoughts and in your mind. Therefore, if you want to know what you love most, ask yourself what do I think about most

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Because you cannot help but think about what you love. It's a natural consequence of love. You can't help it, right. So when someone, for example is in love,

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all they can think about is the person that they're in love with.

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And by extension, all they can talk about is the person that they're in love with. And their friends just want them to be quiet.

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Right? It's like enough already, because it becomes a consuming type of obsession. When you love.

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You want to, you want to talk about what you love. You remember what you love? It is a natural consequence of love is that Does everyone agree with the example of another human being you see this very clearly, and the person can't stop talking about the one they're in love with? Right? They can't stop thinking about them. They stay up at night because they can't stop thinking about them.

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So my question to you is, if you want to know

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what you love most, or what fills your heart, most ask yourself that simple question. What do I think about most?

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throughout my day, first thing on my mind in the morning, when I wake up first thing, last thing on my mind before I sleep,

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the thing that I cannot stop thinking about even in my prayers.

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Okay, what is that thing? Does everyone have some sort of answer?

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Yes. Or do you guys just not think you think right? What is it that you're thinking about? You know, yourself? What is it?

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Okay?

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What's another consequence of love, natural consequence of love, when you love another person?

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That person says jump and you say how high right?

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The point is that when someone is you know, totally has totally fallen for another person, they become almost almost like at the mercy of that person, whatever that person wants, they do. They will do anything to please that person, they will do anything to make them happy, they will do anything to be close to that person.

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Is this not true? Is this true? So when, when you feel the more love you feel, the more you have the desire to please the one you love.

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Right?

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So ask yourself this question.

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What is it in my life that I work hardest?

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Or who is it in my life that I work hardest to please?

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Or what is it in my life that I work the hardest to achieve? Okay.

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Another indicator of love, is fear.

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So ask yourself what you're most afraid of.

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Ask yourself what you're most afraid of losing.

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What in your life causes you the greatest anxiety?

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You know, this, this, this emotion of fear is a very strong indicator of attachment, a very strong indicator of love. Because when you love something so much, you're terrified of losing it.

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That's why when you are very attached to your money,

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you might get, you know, high blood pressure and all these health problems just because of your fear of losing that money. Right? That that is fear that comes out of love when you love something, you're terrified of losing it. So this The next question you ask yourself, What am I most afraid of?

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What am I most afraid of losing?

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For some people, the answer to this question has to do with another person.

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You're most afraid of losing a specific person, for example, or sometimes the answer to this question is I'm most afraid of losing

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status. I'm most afraid of what people think of me. I'm most afraid that people will think this about me.

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But ask yourself what is it that occupies your mind and makes you afraid?

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Ask yourself

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what causes you the most pain in your life?

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What makes you cry?

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What makes you so extremely angry?

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Anger, pain,

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fear these are all pointers to attachments.

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So far, we've asked about five questions or so

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do you guys have an answer to these questions for your own self? Right? Yes. Okay. Do you find that the answer to all of these questions is related to the very same thing?

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Is that the case for anybody? Yes.

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Typically, it is related to something within the same kind of category, or related to the same thing. The reason is that that thing

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is your attachment. It's something that is so important to you.

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That it, it takes a very, very large part in your heart. And that's why it's occupying your mind. And that's why it's causing you fear. And that's why it's causing you sadness. And that's why it's causing all these things.

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Now, I'm going to ask you a question.

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What do you think, should be what we think about most?

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What do you think should be what we're most afraid of?

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What do you think should be what we think about in our prayers? What should be the first thing on our mind when we wake up the last thing on our mind before we sleep,

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the thing we're most afraid of losing? And what we want to please most, do you guys understand what I'm saying here.

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That when a person's love for Allah is the Greatest when when your ultimate attachment and your ultimate love and your strongest love I should do then the law is for Allah subhanaw taala then you will find that it is a law that you think about most, and this is just guru La Casita. And when Allah subhanaw taala describes people, the believers in the Quran, or when Allah advises us in the end with VIP kid, what's the VIP kid? The kid is remembrance, he advises us to remember him, but he doesn't just say remember me. He says, remember? A lot, Catherine a lot. And this is a natural consequence of love. You don't force yourself to remember someone that you're in love with.

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Would that be funny? If Ashman had to put a

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an alert in his phone and that okay, 12 o'clock, you need to think about solder now.

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Like a reminder to think about her like that's, that's funny, right? Because that's not the way it works. When you love someone, you do not need to be reminded to remember the one you love. It's automatic. So then we have to ask, why do we have to be reminded to remember a lot?

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Like, we can go through our entire day and forget that we didn't pray? Wait a minute. Oh, I totally forgot to pray the hook. I totally forgot about it.

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That's not the way. That's not the way love works. Do you understand my point? Because it would be a problem. If a man had to put an alert to remind him to remember SATA, it would probably be an indication that he's not too excited about that marriage.

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Like, oh, man, I just remember I have a wife.

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And I need to remember her now.

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That wouldn't be a good sign. We all agree, right? But that's how our relationship is with God.

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It's like we have this concept of God. But it isn't in here. And therefore it isn't here.

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Let me give you another example.

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When you love someone, whatever fills your heart, you become a master to it, you become a slave to it, it becomes your master.

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Now, this is where I'm going to talk about the consequences of having something other than Allah in the heart, filling the heart so there isn't space. There isn't space. When money fills the hearts, you know what happens?

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You will do anything for the sake of money.

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That's the world we live in.

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When you look at the horrific things that people do to other people,

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bombing entire countries, right killing, stealing. What is that about?

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It's just about money. Honestly, what's oil? What's oil, just money. But we do these things.

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Because of money, and therefore we are willing to do anything it takes for whatever I love most.

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If there's something you want to remember, it is this Be very, very careful what you love most because you become a slave to it.

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You become a slave to it, it commands you, you hear and you obey.

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If it's another person, you will do anything to please them.

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Why do we get in a situation, for example, where it's so difficult to do things that Allah has commanded us to do? When Allah commands us to dress in a certain way, but it becomes so difficult for us to do it? What is it that's keeping us from doing it? What is it that's keeping us from hearing and obeying? It's because we love something else that we're hearing and obeying. And it may just be fashion. And it may just be society's standard of beauty. It may just be what people think, what other people think of me, people are going to think this of me, or people are gonna think that of me.

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And because that is what I'm most concerned about, I choose that.

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When I have a business, and I have to make a decision, we're always faced with choices always. And I have to make a decision.

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I have to for example, if I have a restaurant, there's the choice, do I sell alcohol, to make more money,

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interest Riba.

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But we make these choices based on what we love most. So if it is money, that's why we choose that. But if I sell alcohol, I'll make more money.

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If I get these huge interest bearing loans, I'll make more money, when what I love most is the size of my house. And what people think of me and the fact that people look at me and say, Wow, look at what she's driving, or look at what he's driving, look at what Look at his house, look at his clothes, if that's what I love most, and that's what's most important to me, then it's no problem for me to get a huge interest bearing loan on a house is no problem for me to finance a car, because what's most important to me, is what people think, or the fact that I look good in this particular car.

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And we put aside the fact that Allah subhanaw taala has forbidden these things.

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We become slaves to what we love most. So that's why we have to be very careful what we love most, if what we love more than anything else, is what we love more than what society thinks, what what money comes or what money goes, if what we love more than any of these other things is a law.

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Then when a law says, We hear and we obey,

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when a law says that you're supposed to dress in a certain way we hear and we obey, and we do it out of love.

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When Allah says to do a certain thing when Allah says that at federal time,

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if you get up and you pray, we hear and we obey.

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Because let me give you guys an example.

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If I told you that at exactly 5am

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there would be a check outside of your doorstep

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for $5 million 5am.

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And all you have to do is set your alarm go inside.

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Would you set your alarm?

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Is there anyone in this room? Who would say I love sleep more?

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Is there anyone in this room? Who would say that my bet is too comfortable? Forget the $5 million.

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Raise your hand if you would do that. And if you raise your hand, I know you're not telling the truth.

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Okay, you know you would do that.

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Something to reflect on

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is that we will set our alarm and we will get up any time of the night. No matter how little sleep you got, no matter how comfortable your bed is. You will get up just to go get that money.

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Now that's $5 million

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because that's a lot of money right?

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Do you know that that is nothing compared to infinity right?

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We all know that you don't need to be like a math major to know that because it's a finite amount of money. It's a finite reward. You cannot compare a finite reward to an infinite reward. Because when you compare something finite to something infinite, no matter how big it is, it tends towards zero. It's essentially nothing. So now we're talking about things that we would do, we would do it for way less. If I told you 10 bucks, we're going to be outside your door. You know what I'm saying? You're like, oh, who cares? All I got to do is get out of bed. Easy money. Right? You would do it, you would do it for $2?

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I mean, we would admit it. I'll give you proof. I will give you proof. Your may give you proof. Okay, I'm gonna give you proof.

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blackfriday.

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Right.

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Totally. We do that. I mean, this isn't just theoretical people, do they not? They will wake up at the crack of dawn, after Thanksgiving sales, wake up at the crack of dawn, and stand outside of BestBuy and stand outside of Walmart or wherever it is, and sometimes literally stand in lines for hours in the cold?

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To save a few dollars.

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Right? I mean, really, to save a few dollars. So we're not talking 5 billion. We're talking like, like $5, sometimes, like, even if it's $50. So forget 5 million.

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The most What are you going to save, but this is what we do.

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something to look at. This is just because of money.

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But we won't get up and at that same time of the night, or that same time to pray pm or to pray even

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will sleep through fragile. But if it comes to a sale, we'll get up. Sometimes people camp outside Do you guys know what people do for these sales? Have you guys have you guys seen or read in the news about the way we act? For this one time this lady, I guess she like had like maize. And she was like spraying people at Walmart.

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Because she wanted the video games.

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I mean, really, it's just a few dollars. But that's the point. This is how we act when we love something. When we love this is how we act, human beings will act absolutely insane when they love and when the love is for money. And when the love is for getting a good deal, we'll do anything.

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But if that is for something so much greater, we don't even want to make a tiny effort of getting up and praying fudger

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we will not step out of our class to go pray.

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We won't step out of a meeting. We won't step out of the Macy's sale. We won't step away from a movie or a basketball game to go pray.

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But let me ask you this question. When you guys are in class, or you're at work, or you're in a meeting, and you need to use the bathroom? What do you do?

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I mean, this is a rhetorical question, but I know the answer. The answer is I don't care what situation I am in if I need to use the bathroom, I go, I leave and I use the bathroom.

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Nobody says but I'm in class, so I can't leave.

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Why don't we do that? Why do we say I'm not going to get up and go to the bathroom? During my class? Why do we Why do we not say that?

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The reason is that the consequences of not getting up and leaving the classroom far outweigh any consequences of the embarrassment of walking out of class. Right?

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Agreed.

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When it's five o'clock in the morning,

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and you need to use the bathroom.

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Has anyone said you know I'm just too comfortable. I'm just going to take care of my business here because I'm just too comfortable.

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Yeah, you did that when you were like five. But since then, hopefully you didn't do that.

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So you will get up and I will get up at five o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom. But we won't get up to pray.

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So so far, this is our human condition. We will get up to use the bathroom. We will get up to go stand in line for sale. But we won't get up to pray to the Lord of the Universe who has our entire has the entire universe in his control.

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We're not talking now about $5 million

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Not talking about

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any amount, any finite amount of reward we're talking about forever. We're talking about the the reward of God. We're talking about Jenna.

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So we have to go back and re examine our priorities.

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If we can leave our classroom, if we can leave our meeting, if we can leave these other things that we're doing in life to go to the bathroom, can we not leave?

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To pray?

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We are so worried about being embarrassed in front of people. Isn't that why we get up? Isn't that the reason why you don't want to just stay in class and take care of your business in your seat?

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Is because you're afraid of being humiliated in front of the people.

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But we're not worried about being humiliated in front of Allah by missing our prayers.

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Isn't this the reality?

00:31:04--> 00:31:22

The reason for this is because we have taken the dunya we've taken everything that we can see and feel and touch. We've taken this life and we've injected it into our hearts. And we love it so much that we love it more than Allah subhanaw taala

00:31:23--> 00:31:26

we don't see Allah. So we run after what we can see.

00:31:31--> 00:31:33

We have to shift that focus.

00:31:35--> 00:31:40

Because dunya is something that is by its very nature,

00:31:41--> 00:31:50

temporary, by its very nature and illusion. Everything we run after in this life, Does any of it last?

00:31:52--> 00:32:12

Tell me the answer to the questions that I asked you at the beginning. Remember, I asked five questions or so now? The answer that you had to those questions. Do you remember what it was? Yes. Not if you do. Okay. That thing? The answer? Is that thing gonna last?

00:32:13--> 00:32:14

Is that thing going to last forever?

00:32:17--> 00:32:19

Is that thing perfect.

00:32:23--> 00:32:31

So this is our problem. We try to fill the emptiness with something that is not lasting, and something that is not perfect.

00:32:33--> 00:32:42

And then we wonder why we end up with broken hearts. We end up disappointed, we end up so upset.

00:32:44--> 00:32:47

so afraid, so insecure.

00:32:48--> 00:33:00

It's clear why that happens. Because the thing that we are loving most is something that is not lasting, something that is not perfect. It's like a person who's rock climbing.

00:33:01--> 00:33:04

And they're holding on to a twig.

00:33:06--> 00:33:07

What happens

00:33:10--> 00:33:13

you don't have to be a physics major to know what happens. What happens.

00:33:15--> 00:33:25

The twig if you hold on to a twig with all of your weight, what happens to the twig, it breaks then what happens to you there's something called gravity. What happens to you

00:33:26--> 00:33:27

you fall

00:33:30--> 00:33:43

and we wonder why we end up falling and we keep falling and things keep breaking is because we're holding on to the wrong stuff. We are loving the wrong stuff and we are neglecting the real thing.

00:33:45--> 00:34:15

How do we find a balance and that's inshallah will will end how do we find that balance because we live in dunya and the last panel died and never told us that we should not love the creation. A lot did not say that you cannot love your children, your spouse your money. You know these nice halen things that you have. It's okay to love those things. How do we find a balance? Where those things are loved but they do not own us?

00:34:16--> 00:34:21

How do we find the balance so that our greatest love is shed to hope and let

00:34:23--> 00:34:26

you know in another area of last panel, Donna warns us

00:34:30--> 00:34:47

cool encana accom see if your father's your sons, your spouse's now here in this annual along lists about eight things. And by the way, all of these things are Hillel.

00:34:48--> 00:34:59

All of them are Helen. Is it Helen to love your parents? Is it Helen to love your children? Is it Helen to love your spouse? Is it hard to love yourself?

00:35:01--> 00:35:06

Is it holiday to love your holiday business, or your home.

00:35:09--> 00:35:17

However, Allah warns us of something in this area, he says that if any of these things are more beloved to you,

00:35:18--> 00:35:22

then Allah and His messenger and striving in his cause,

00:35:24--> 00:35:33

then waits until a law brings about his decision. And the law does not guide the defiantly disobedient once.

00:35:36--> 00:35:48

Now there's a message in this area that a lot of us don't realize. And that is that the things that distract us from God are not always necessarily the hut on things.

00:35:49--> 00:36:01

The clubbing, the drinking the drugs, the alcohol, no, sometimes they are the highlight of things. Sometimes they are the highlight things that we take, and we love as we should only love a lot.

00:36:03--> 00:36:06

And that's the secret that a lot of us didn't, didn't learn.

00:36:07--> 00:36:21

We don't realize what's the problem. I'm a mother, I love my children. So what's the problem with that? The problem with that is that when I love my children, and they overtake and they become my center, instead of a lot, that's a problem.

00:36:22--> 00:36:47

Even though of course, it's hard to love my children. My spouse, when I take my spouse, it's not a boyfriend, or girlfriend, I'm married, right? You take your spouse, and you put them at the center of your existence, and your life starts to revolve around them. And what you think about most is them. And what you want to please most is them and what you fear most is them. And all of a sudden, whereas a lot in the equation.

00:36:48--> 00:37:09

That's the problem. And this will happen with Helen money, this will happen with your spouse, this will happen with your children, with your parents, with your business with your house, which you delight in the Agha says. But when those things you start to focus on and revolve your life around, that's when you have a problem.

00:37:11--> 00:37:12

Even though they're all Hillel.

00:37:14--> 00:37:51

The question remains, how do we find a balance? Because it's natural for a mother to love her children. It's a match. It's natural for a spouse to love their spouse. It's natural to love these things. Now the question is how. And this is where I want to bring in a concept, which has mentioned in the book. It's a concept of what we hold in our heart and what we hold in our hand. And there's a difference between holding something in the hand and holding something in the heart. This is conceptual. But what it's talking about is this. Whatever we hold in our hearts, is a

00:37:52--> 00:38:12

is a serious attachment. It's something I'm dependent on. What I hold in my heart is the thing I revolve my life around. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up the last thing on my mind before I sleep what I think about all day, what I'm most afraid of what I'm most interested in pleasing, it becomes the center of my world.

00:38:13--> 00:38:16

It's the answer to those five questions that I gave you.

00:38:17--> 00:38:18

That's what's in my heart.

00:38:20--> 00:38:23

And that seeing will become my master.

00:38:25--> 00:38:31

You know that this is actually the reason why you know this whole? What do you want to call it?

00:38:32--> 00:38:34

mother in law phenomenon.

00:38:36--> 00:38:36

of

00:38:38--> 00:38:47

right, you hear the word mother in law, and all of a sudden there's this automatic connotation, right, of someone who doesn't want to let go of her son. Right? Why do you think that happens?

00:38:49--> 00:38:52

Think about it. Why do you think that happens?

00:38:54--> 00:39:27

And I'm not talking about a mother loving her son. I'm talking about the unhealthy attachment of a mother to her son, to such an extent that when he gets married, she is not able to let go. It's to such an extent that it creates problems between the husband and the wife to such an extent that the Son has to choose between his wife and his mother, that should never happen to such an extent that he has to constantly tell his mother that I love you more than my wife. That's not healthy. Why do you think that happens?

00:39:28--> 00:39:37

Do you know why that happens? That happens because the mother took that child and for his entire life. He was at her center.

00:39:39--> 00:39:46

She was at her center. She may have believed in Allah but he was at her center. Her child was at her at his at her center.

00:39:48--> 00:39:54

Now if you take your child, your son in this case, and you did pull off around him your entire life.

00:39:55--> 00:39:59

You guys know what I'm talking about? Like he didn't have to do anything for himself.

00:40:00--> 00:40:15

Like you did everything for him, you fed him to his mouth is like 20 something, right? You You do everything for him, he never lifts a finger because your life revolves around him. First of all, you're harming your child when you when you're treating them in that way.

00:40:16--> 00:40:24

That's not love, by the way. That's not love. That's, that's insecure attachment, that's dependency and it's not healthy.

00:40:26--> 00:40:47

A law is supposed to be at the center, not your child, not your spouse. So what happens then when he grows up and he gets married, you have an unhealthy consequence. And it's because an unhealthy attachment brings about unhealthy consequences in our personal lives, in our collective lives, and in the society. And this is just one example.

00:40:49--> 00:40:58

This is the reason why someone who when they lose stock or the stock market crashes, they take a pistol to the head. Why does that happen?

00:40:59--> 00:41:09

Why does that unhealthy consequence happen? It's because that person took their stocks took their money and put it at the center of their life and revolved around it.

00:41:11--> 00:41:16

Why does Romeo want to kill himself or Juliet want to kill herself.

00:41:18--> 00:41:22

When they don't have the other person, or they think the other person is gone?

00:41:23--> 00:41:31

It's because Romeo to Juliet and put her at the center and Juliet to grow me and put him at the center. That's not love, that's worship.

00:41:33--> 00:41:43

That's not love. That's worship. And that's what we have to understand that proper love that healthy love is never to take something other than a lawn, put it at your center.

00:41:44--> 00:41:51

It's to love in a healthy way. And to love in a healthy way means that you love without attachment without dependency.

00:41:53--> 00:41:56

By the way, this is very difficult.

00:41:57--> 00:42:00

It's very difficult sometimes.

00:42:01--> 00:42:05

And this is something that Allah subhanaw taala sometimes trains us to do.

00:42:07--> 00:42:13

You know, one of the ways in which Allah trains us to do this is actually through the concept of pain.

00:42:15--> 00:42:18

Think about a person who's standing in the kitchen.

00:42:20--> 00:42:27

And you accidentally touch the stove with your arm, but you don't see it right, it's the back of your arm and you touch the stove, what makes you move your hand.

00:42:29--> 00:42:30

It's the pain, right?

00:42:32--> 00:42:35

So what has a lot designed the pain to do for you.

00:42:37--> 00:42:41

The pain is an indicator that you need to make a change.

00:42:43--> 00:42:52

So in this case, the pain of being burned is an indicator that you need to move your arm, right? To know that emotional pain is very similar.

00:42:54--> 00:43:05

When you take your child, when you take your money, when you take anything else, and you put it in the heart in a place that only God should be, guess what happens, it hurts you.

00:43:06--> 00:43:13

And that very thing that you took, and you replaced a lot with that thing will become the source of your greatest pain.

00:43:15--> 00:43:26

Allah has done that Allah has given us this mechanism as a mercy to tell you that you need to make a change, there's a problem. You know, when you have those very painful relationships,

00:43:27--> 00:43:40

very painful relationships, and it keeps hurting you and it keeps hurting you until what happens, you make a change. And that's the point that it will hurt you because it's not healthy.

00:43:42--> 00:43:49

The pain, the anxiety are all signs that there needs to be a change made inside in your attachment.

00:43:51--> 00:43:53

So Allah subhanaw taala directs us.

00:43:56--> 00:44:03

One of the easiest ways to break our false attachments is to find something better to love.

00:44:04--> 00:44:18

I'm going to use this example. It's an example I use in the book as well. Because I think it illustrates this concept if you think about a child, and you know when a child falls in love with a toy, I mean, they just become consumed.

00:44:20--> 00:44:23

So imagine a child who falls in love with a toy car.

00:44:25--> 00:44:29

He's walking by the to the toy store and sees the toy car in the window.

00:44:30--> 00:44:35

Now that child if he gets his hands on that toy car, good luck taking it away.

00:44:36--> 00:44:39

He will not want to do anything else. Just play with the car.

00:44:41--> 00:44:44

Maybe to the point that he doesn't want to eat sleep.

00:44:45--> 00:44:47

Go to school. I just want to play with this toy.

00:44:53--> 00:44:57

But my question to you is what happens when that child grows up

00:44:59--> 00:44:59

and now

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

sees a real car.

00:45:03--> 00:45:05

What happens to his attachment to the toy car?

00:45:08--> 00:45:09

What happens?

00:45:10--> 00:45:15

Not a big deal anymore. That's just the toy. I see the real Ferrari. Now.

00:45:17--> 00:45:19

What does this have to do with us?

00:45:21--> 00:45:32

There is a toy, there is a lesser model, and there is the real thing. The Lesser life is this life. Think of this life as that toy car.

00:45:34--> 00:45:38

In every way, it is inferior to Jenna in every way.

00:45:39--> 00:45:52

It is inferior in quality. Because this life, no matter how much money you have, no matter how much status you have, no matter how much approval you have, it will never be perfect, will it

00:45:53--> 00:45:57

no matter how beautiful you are what happens after 50 years.

00:45:59--> 00:46:01

It will never be perfect.

00:46:04--> 00:46:12

This life is inferior to Jenna, in quantity. No matter how much you have, it will not last forever.

00:46:13--> 00:46:20

All those people that are on the magazine covers, they might have more money than you, they might have more fame than you.

00:46:21--> 00:46:22

But they're gonna die too.

00:46:25--> 00:46:27

And they don't look like that forever.

00:46:29--> 00:46:59

You can do all the plastic surgery in the world, but you just can't look like that forever. Right. And that's very hard for some people to accept because they're so attached to this life. But we have something better. Jenna is the real thing, right? You have the toy car and you have the real car. Now what I'm suggesting to you is, the more that you can see the real thing, the less your attachment will be to the false model.

00:47:02--> 00:47:07

So when you compare Jenna, to dunya, there's no comparison.

00:47:09--> 00:47:15

And when you compare a law, when you compare the creator to the creation, there is no comparison.

00:47:17--> 00:47:24

The more you can see the real thing, the weaker your attachment becomes to the false model. Does that make sense?

00:47:25--> 00:48:03

So my advice to you and to myself is the advice of Allah subhanaw taala and His Messenger increase in your vipkid increase in your remembrance of the real thing. And when you increase in your remembrance of the real thing, then the false lesser model becomes just it takes its proper place. It's no longer the center. It's just the toy, meaning that it is what it is. Yes, you interact with it. But it is not your ultimate goal anymore. You're no longer in love with it. It goes in the hand, no longer in the heart.

00:48:04--> 00:48:05

It goes in the hand.

00:48:06--> 00:48:11

Yes, you interact, but you know that there's something so much better.

00:48:12--> 00:48:29

And it is only when you don't see the real car that you're so in love with the toy car. That kid is so attached to his toy only because he never saw the real thing. And we become so attached to the creation only because we don't know the Creator.

00:48:30--> 00:48:37

We only know of Allah conceptually like yeah, Allah exists. But do you really no Allah?

00:48:38--> 00:49:00

Do you really have that relationship and see a law working in your life? Probably not. And the more that you do, the more that it becomes easy to refocus the hearts because you have fallen in love with something better. You know how they say if you want to get over someone, you just find someone better to replace them right?

00:49:02--> 00:49:13

If we want to get over our love for this life, we need to fall in love with something better. And Allah has given us something so much better. Allah has given us himself.

00:49:14--> 00:49:25

But we just don't know Allah. We don't remember Allah we don't. We don't think about Allah. We don't talk to Allah. Even if we're praying, we're thinking about the toy car aren't we?

00:49:28--> 00:49:30

Remember, I asked you what you think about in your prayers.

00:49:32--> 00:49:33

Maybe it's your exam or

00:49:34--> 00:49:52

somebody in your life or whatever it is still that toy car we have not seen the real thing yet. And the way to do that is we have to increase in your remembrance of the real thing. That means victory. Victory. The reading the Quran and reflecting on it.

00:49:53--> 00:49:57

Making sure that you are praying five times a day on time.

00:49:59--> 00:50:00

Making the

00:50:01--> 00:50:02

Speaking to Allah.

00:50:06--> 00:50:11

If you have a best friend and you never communicate, are you how strong is your relationship going to be?

00:50:13--> 00:50:26

You know, you're always talking to your best friend, by some technical device or another write, text, Facebook, phone, whatever, but you're constantly communicating at least the girl.

00:50:29--> 00:50:41

you're communicating with those people. And that's how you build that strong relationship. What if during that communication, you're speaking in a language you don't understand? Does anyone in this room speak Chinese?

00:50:43--> 00:50:51

So no one in this room speaks Chinese. Okay, cool. What if every conversation you have with your best friend is in Chinese?

00:50:52--> 00:50:54

And you have no idea what you're saying?

00:50:56--> 00:50:59

How strong is your relationship going to be?

00:51:00--> 00:51:06

Now when you're praying, and you're talking to God, and you have absolutely no idea what you're saying?

00:51:07--> 00:51:09

How strong is that relationship going to be?

00:51:12--> 00:51:23

Does that make sense? Simple enough. We don't know what we're saying to him. So how can we expect to build that relationship, we need to understand at least the basics of our prayer of what we're saying.

00:51:26--> 00:51:36

Finally, I'll tell you, that the more you remember God, outside of your prayers, the easier it will be to remember God inside of your prayers.

00:51:38--> 00:52:02

So we have to work on remembering God more just in general. And the more we remember a law, the more we are feeding the hearts. Think of Vick in the remembrance of God as air, air that you breathe, but it's air that your heart is breathing, and it keeps the heart alive. And the moment you cut off air, what happens to the body?

00:52:04--> 00:52:17

It suffocates, and it dies. And the same thing happens to the heart when the heart is not filled with the remembrance of God, then you're suffocating the heart. And that's why the heart becomes hardened. And eventually it dies.

00:52:23--> 00:52:24

You know, sometimes I think,

00:52:27--> 00:52:32

sometimes that what keeps us from being consistent in our relationship with God

00:52:34--> 00:52:43

is that we sometimes fall and we feel hopeless, we mess up. We feel like you know what, it's just too hard. I'm too far away. There's no point.

00:52:46--> 00:52:58

But the way we have to think about it, is this, our prayers, you know, sometimes people don't pray because they feel like Well, I'm just really low right now. I'm not in a good place. When I get to a good place. I'll pray again.

00:53:00--> 00:53:09

Do you know what that person is? Like, is like a person who says, I'm not feeling very good today. So I'm not going to breathe today.

00:53:11--> 00:53:14

Because I'm not feeling good. And when I feel better, I'll breathe.

00:53:17--> 00:53:19

Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week?

00:53:21--> 00:53:23

What's the problem with this scenario?

00:53:24--> 00:53:31

What's the problem with this scenario, you're not going to feel better if you don't breathe. In fact, you're going to die.

00:53:33--> 00:53:38

You have to think of your prayers in exactly the same way they are the air of your heart.

00:53:39--> 00:53:44

And even if you're not feeling good, or you're feeling really low, you still need to breathe.

00:53:45--> 00:53:59

Just think of it like that. I'm going to go take a breath right now. I'm going to go pray. I'm going to go take a breath right now. And eventually if you keep breathing or keep praying, you eventually will feel better. Remember this life isn't linear.