Yasir Qadhi – Marriage – The Sacred Bond

Yasir Qadhi
AI: Summary © The Sharia system is a sacred covenant that protects the bonds of marriage and the family, and is the most sacred contract. It is the most sacred, and most blessed contract. It is the most sacred, and most blessed contract. It is the most sacred, and most blessed, and it is the most sacred. It is the most sacred, and it is the most sacred. It is the most sacred, and it is the most sacred. It is the most sacred, and it is the most sacred. It is the most sacred, and it is the most sacred. It is the most sacred, and it is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most sacred. It is the most
AI: Transcript ©
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Alhamdulillah All praise is due to Allah subhanho wa Taala we praise Him and we seek His help. And we seek refuge in Allah, from the evil of our souls and the consequences of our actions. Whomever Allah guides, none can misguide. And whoever is misguided cannot be guided except by him. I bear witness and I testify that there is no god other than Allah agenda. Jana Liu, and bear witness and I testify that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his final prophet, and his most perfect worshipper. As to what follows ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala has reminded us to be conscious of him in the Quran, when he says yeah, you Hello Dina Amato Tapachula haka to quality wala temotu illa, one to

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Muslim moon. Dear Muslims, one of the most radical changes that is taking place in society around us in this very generation is the change of the family structure. And even the types of changes in the family structure are different. But one of the most obvious is the very stability of the family. One generation ago in this country in 1960s, more than 95% of children were born to a married couple, that's the way it should be. That's the way intended by Allah that is nature 95% of children were born to a married couple, this is one generation ago. Do you know what that statistic is? Now, almost half of children born today are born outside of wedlock.

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Let that statistic stink sink in. We are literally destroying the family in one generation. One generation ago, 95% of children are born to two parents what together hopefully in love together one need to establish a life together. And today, one generation 1960s Is not that many of you were young in 1960s. It's one generation ago. And today, almost half, perhaps in a few years it will be half of all children are born to people that are not married. And this is in America as for Europe and other places it is already more than half. And we are still studying the impact of what happens when children are raised without two parents without a solid family without a stable background. And

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almost every single psychological sociological survey and research that has been done, almost every single research done interdisciplinary realities demonstrates that a solid, intact family a loving family, a mother and father figure have significant positive impacts on the development of the child and the future well being of the child. A family offers countless benefits for both adults and for children. On average, on average, children raised in stable households perform better on every single measurable scale known to man, I repeat, if you look at all the surveys and statistics done in every field, on average, we find and this is common sense you don't need statistics to prove

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this. On average, we find children born and raised and stable households perform better on every single measurable scale, emotional intellectual development, educational social motor skills, functioning in society, giving back to society graduating, getting stable jobs, having families of their own, having better lives of their own, and we go on and on and on. Children raised in loving households, by and large, are less prone to commit acts of violence, less prone to turn to a life of evil, less prone to end up in jail and overall far more statistically shown to become productive members of society. In other words, successful parents, surprise, surprise, usually produce

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successful children. That is the Sunnah of Allah azza wa jal, and it is the proven reality of the world around us. And by the way, these studies don't bring in religion. They're not coming from Muslims. They're not bringing in Quran and Sunnah. These are sociological, psychological surveys and studies done across generations to indicate a fact that will lie we don't need any survey to prove our fit. The law tells us this a child born two loving parents, a child raised in a stable household overall will be a better child a safer child.

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A more intellectual child, a more stable person, a person who will give back to society. And this is why brothers and sisters, the Shetty eye has come with one of the fundamental goals being to preserve the family, to protect the family to keep the bonds of marriage, and SubhanAllah. Once we open the door for religion, once we start studying religion, we also find, and this is again, surveys done by people not themselves, religious surveys done in the modern Academy, go look up any science journal and the research paper, the number one cause of protecting the faith in the next generation has nothing to do with the quality of the Sunday school. It has nothing to do with the

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rise and fall of the faith outside of you know, the bonds of social media know, the number one mechanism to preserve the faith and the next generation across all faiths, Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, the number one mechanism is to have a stable family that is bonding because of the faith and through the faith. Again, these are surveys done by people who don't care about religion, they're simply documenting, they're telling us like it is when Christian families that love one another raise Christian children, by and large, those children end up Christian when Buddhist families when Muslim families these are surveys done, you want to protect your children

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have families based upon your religious identity come together as loving families with your religious identity as a as a center stage. And lo and behold, the number one cause of the next generation, protecting the faith following the faith, observing the faith is they had successful role model parents who are observing the faith, and again, should not be any surprise to us. But sometimes we need to quote these statistics. Sometimes we need to tell you of these realities to jolt us awake into reality. And that reality is a simple fact that should be known to all brothers and sisters. In this time and place we live in when everything is going chaotic. When right is

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becoming left and up is becoming down or moralities becoming immorality. What is the number one mechanism to preserve our sanity and the sanity of our children? What is the number one mechanism to give them a chance to be successful in this dunya. And in the era, the number one mechanism psychologically sociologically the FITARA is to have a successful family, you and your spouse, you come together based upon this religion with the teachings of Islam and you become a role model mother and father, you live your lives around the faith through the faith by the faith, you live your lives love, love and compassion. And automatically your children will absorb those values, your

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children will be more mentally mature, will be more emotionally capable will have a higher percentage of becoming socially productive and avoiding the wrong parts here and there. In other words, deen and duniya is both preserved when we preserve the family. And therefore brothers and sisters. Again, this is a reminder because how many holebas have been given, but it doesn't change the reality that unfortunately, we are seeing and that is the reality of the breakdown of our own families within our own communities every week, every few days, another case comes to us and it comes to me and we hear of another divorce and other reality another breakdown. So it is imperative

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that we remind ourselves over and over again whether that could fit in the Quran for almost meaning dear Muslims, the marriage contract between you and your spouse. It is not like any other business contract. It is not a trivial contract. It is the most sacred contract you can ever sign. There is no contract that is more sacred and more blessed than this contract. It's not like any other contract yes at one level it is a contract but it is a contract like no other than the CA contract is the most sacred contract and our Shediac ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada calls it me Sal Khan the Khalifa. It is a sacred covenant while hugging him in Hoonah Mitsouko de la Allah calls the covenant of

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marriage, a strict covenant, a sacred covenant. And in the hook between whether the final hotswap that are prophets or some gave the last time he spoke to a large audience that hotbar had five paragraphs, he had to choose five things that he wanted to leave his ummah with, he had to choose five talking points. And number four of that talking point was about the family. One of the five final talking points of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was about the family and about the marriage contract. And he reminded of course, he's speaking to men, because that was the way the way he's speaking to men. But when you speak to any gender, the other genders included, he said to men

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that oh man, be mindful of this contract. He mentioned the marriage contract, be mindful of the contract that

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sacred covenant that allows you to have intimacy that allows you to do what is otherwise not allowed. And he said in that houldsworth He said you use the name of Allah, you invoke Allah azza wa jal and you made otherwise what would be haram? This is intimacy, you made it halal, and you came together in a special union and you mentioned and invoke the name of Allah. So be mindful of that contract be mindful of your spouse's. In other words, the prophet system is telling us preserve the family, protect the bonds of marriage, be mindful and conscious of the rights and responsibilities each spouse has on the other. Again, brothers and sisters, I gave a call about two three weeks ago

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about the goals of the Sharia. And we said one of the primary goals of the Sharia one of the fundamental goals of the Sharia is to protect the bonds of marriage to protect the sanctity of the family, we all know and that hadith that the Russell's I'm told us that the the Shavon who that all the shayateen go and give Westwater whisperings and they go back to Bliss himself. And they will say to Bliss Oh, I caused this young man to gamble. I caused this young lady to do this sin and He will keep on dismissing until finally one one Shavon comes and tells IBLEES Oh, I kept on pestering one couple and making their arguments worse until I caused them to divorce. The process I'm set IBLEES

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will stand up from his throne and hug the shaytaan and say you have accomplished something today. In other words, when a divorce takes place without due cause again, that underlying sometimes a divorce is with due cause and that's not because of shaytaan but when Shavon causes a divorce when Shavon makes a small thing bigger, and they shouldn't have divorce but misunderstanding, arrogance Kibito comes in grudges come in. One shaytaan causes a divorce. It believes himself hugs that shaytaan IBLEES says you have accomplished something today. In other words, protecting marriage pleases Allah by displeasing Iblees. Protecting marriage is an act of worship because we're fighting shape on and

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when we allow marriage to crumble when we allow a small issue to become bigger when we allow a divorce take take place without just cause we are making the enemy of Allah happy because that enemy understands the destruction of marriage is the destruction of society. The destruction of marriage will bring about the destruction of society. Therefore brothers and sisters, some brief advice to myself and all of you generic advice based on the Quran and Sunnah and based on the lived realities of marital advice that has been called from many centuries of marital experience. The first advice I give myself in all of you the first advice I give myself and all of you, before you jump to the

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faults of your spouse, before you concentrate on the negatives, pause, and force yourself to keep in mind the positives. Because it is human nature, that we jump over the positive, it is human nature, we take the good for granted, and we jump to the negatives, it is not appropriate when you assess somebody that you only look at their negatives Wallahi a court of law, any judge any exam, when you hand in the paper, yes, you're taken off for the negative, but how about the right questions? How about the right answers? How about the good responses? You weigh everything on? TIAMO? What's going to happen? Will Allah only look at your negatives? No, you will look at all the positives and even

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if you have some negatives, but the positives are much more inshallah we will pass if we will pass because of this. How about your spouse? How about your life partner, so weigh the positives before you jump to the negatives. In fact, to this advice, it is not coming from me it is coming from our Prophet sallallahu either he was setting them in a famous Hadith he said, talking about couples talking about husbands and wives. He said, Let no men a believing man, despise a movement or a believing woman meaning his wife. Let no husband or wife hate his or her wife in totality. Let your heart not be full of evil and animosity and anger. Then he said, if you happen to dislike one

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characteristic, for sure you will like some characteristic as well. In other words, he's teaching us basic psychology Sallalahu idea he was selling them. If you don't like one thing. Don't concentrate on that negative. Take a step back. Ask yourself, what are the positives of my life partner? Perhaps perhaps your partner has a sharp tongue. That's a problem. But maybe they're also loving to the children. Maybe they're able to manage finances? Well, maybe they're a good leader and other aspects. So take advantage of that and look at the negative in light of the positive. Nobody is just a bunch of negatives. Every person has some good and some bad so before you can't say turn on the

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negatives look

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At the positives as well and force yourself to take a part of the broader picture and assess the positives before you get angry at the negative, ask yourself what are the positives then thank Allah Alhamdulillah my spouse has such an such positive point number two, the Quran advises us as well in this regard. And the sooner in this regard is well, point number two. Do not hold petty grudges. Do not keep in your heart negativity based upon some small stuff, forgive as much as possible, overlook as much as possible. Allah subhanho wa Taala mentions in the Quran, surah Taha when again about spouses, Allah subhanaw taala either has a verse that requires an entire hook Babu will summarize

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it, Allah says you are the nominee or you who believe in mean as well as you can, why will it come? I do wonder some of your spouses and some of your children, they are your enemies. Now this has generated a lot of discussion. What do you mean, my spouse and child is my enemy. And the scholars say listen to this, the meaning of this is not that your spouse and your children want to harm you. It's not that your spouse or your children will drag you down because of who they are. It is that chances are, you will fail in your obligation towards them. And you will be your own worst enemy in your treatment of them. You will not be able to do justice. And so in order to be a good father, a

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good husband and you fail it is as if the cause of your downfall became your spouse and your children. Not that they brought your downfall but you fail to live up to your responsibilities. So Allah says Fine, go to home be conscious, be careful. Be careful because one of the main causes of failure is failure in marital life. One of the main causes of failure is failure as a parent so Allah is saying be careful, because one not the only but one of the causes of your failure might be your own spouse might be your own child, so be careful. Follow him then Allah gives us a simple tactic. What antiflu what else? What tofu for in the law of order, Rahim. Allah tells us to deal

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with our own inner rage, inner anger. One of the easiest mechanisms, stop holding grudges for the petty stuff because what happens when you have a grudge when you keep the petty stuff in your heart is that you overreact you overcompensate? Rather than doing something trivial and rebuking in your anger in your rage, you will become the volume you will become the tyrant. So Allah says, we're in tactful and if you were to lay erase from your heart, that negativity, what tasks for who turn over a new leaf, give them another chance tomorrow, literally, you turn the page like give them another chance. Let the past be the past. Let bygones be bygones. Don't hold it in your heart. What tell

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Pharaoh and forgive your wife, forgive your children. Let it go on, let it go. Don't hold it in your heart. The Quran is telling you be careful your spouse and your children will be the cause of your downfall. Then Allah says, but you can save yourself how? By having a clean heart forgiving, don't hold grudges, give them another chance. Don't futile, forgive your own children, forgive your own spouse. This is one of the strongest mechanisms to protect yourself against yourself and the excesses of your own family and children. This is a beautiful and powerful verse that teaches us that family and children are a test and trial. And one of the easiest ways to overcome that test and

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trial is not to concentrate on them but to concentrate on me to concentrate on ourselves to let our hearts not fret over the small stuff not become bogged down by every single petty issue. Let something of yesterday be yesterday life goes on. You have a future with this with this woman with this wife with this mother of your children, you have another 20 3040 years. Why are you going to hold the small argument yesterday and cause it to lead to something much bigger? What in Tuffle? What us for what tofu tofu is the highest eliminate. If you can't do that thus far, I will give them another chance turn it over. Let it be in the past and always what tells you to forgive, forgive,

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forgive, not for the sake of your ego, not even for the sake of your spouse for the sake of Allah and also for the sake of your children. For the sake of marriage. You need to maintain your marital happiness not just for your happiness, but for the happiness of your children and for the happiness of the entire society around you. This is the second advice that the Quran gives us and then the third and final one because time is limited. The third and final one brothers and sisters, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said

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that ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala gives through somebody's kindness what will not be given through someone's harshness. You will get through love what you will not get through harshness and anger. This is a generic Hadith. Allah gives what you want

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Allah gives it when you're kind. Allah gives it when you're compassionate. Allah gives it when you're loving Allah gives through kindness, what you will not give through what you will not get through harshness, meaning what, rather than use harshness and anger, rather than raise your voice rather than threatened. This is one of the biggest mistakes that a couple makes against each other, to threaten and to take things nasty and to invoke, you know, stock for Allah Allah's Anger the Sharia has made it obligatory to obey me, my dear husbands, yes, it is obligatory obedience. But do you think by shouting, your wife will genuinely respect you? Do you think by raising your voice

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invoking that is how you will attain the pleasure of Allah subhana wa Tada. By the way, leave it to me and leave it to other third parties to remind both genders Yes, you have to fear Allah. Yes, you have to answer to Allah subhanho wa taala. Yes, women must respect their husbands. Yes, husbands should fulfill the rights of their wives, leave it to a third party. But when you're having a dispute with your wife, and you raise your voice and you bring stuff with Allah, Allah as Lana, you bring in, you'd better do this or else. Marriage is based upon love and not fear. Marriage is based upon kindness, not anger, marriage is based upon compassion, not hatred. So this is not the best

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tactic between each other true, somebody has to do it and leave it to me and other people to remind all of us myself and all of you that yes, there should be a fear of Allah in both of your hearts, there should be accountability in both of your hearts, but laterally between each other. The primary relationship is love, the primary relationship is compassion. So use the language of love to solve as many problems as possible brothers and sisters much can be said. But you know what, in the end of the day, there is no rule book that guarantees a successful marriage, there is no set of guidelines, there is no algebraic equations, that if this is the problem, when you turn to this equation, it

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will solve it. No, there is no simplistic solution to the problems of marriage. And every one of us has a different set of problems because we're different people and our spouses are different people. So all we can advise one another number one be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala and know that Allah wants your marriage to be successful. And number two marriages are based on love and compassion. Marriages are based upon kindness marriages are based upon that feeling of genuinely wanting to benefit your spouse, both parties if they come together with that attitude, inshallah to Allah, the marriage will work and they should do so not just for the sake of Allah Subhana Allah to

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Allah but also for the sake of their children. Marriages, dear brothers and sisters are Allah's biggest blessings to us as a human species after religious blessings. The biggest blessing Allah has given us after the religious blessings Haleakala, Coleman and fusi come as Weijun he has created for us spouses so that we can find comfort protect your marriages guard your marriages work on your marriages, and Allah azza wa jal will show you the fruits of that work in this dunya before the Akira May Allah subhana wa Tada bless me and you with him through the Quran and may make us of those who is vs. They understand and applies halal and haram throughout our lifespan as scholars

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forgiveness you as well ask him for his love of food and the ramen.

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Alhamdulillah helwa had a had a summit Aladdin amulet William EULAs wollemi Akula who found Eduardo brothers and sisters every time we talk about marriage, we must always bring up the awkward reality of divorce. There is no doubt that it is something that needs to be discussed in more detail. But realize divorce is always a last option. Divorce is there like a fire exit when there's no other escape then and the Sharia has provided guidelines and I have given multiple hookbaits about this and please listen to those who advised by me and by other scholars out there. Learn the etiquette of divorce before you need it. Understand the fear of divorce before you have to resort to it. Know

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this background knowledge before you need to know just like when you board the plane to tell you the fire escape you hopefully never need to know but you had better know before you need to do it because if you don't know and there is a fire well along with Stan you're going to be in big trouble. Similarly with divorce you need to know the rules know the ticket before you need to all too often people fall into major mistakes because they've never studied divorce and then they come to the chef or the Imam to move to here. Hi did the chef I did that. Well, you messed up and you didn't know you messed up you need to learn before you come to any chef in this regard. So I advise

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all of you when things are good no problems still you should know this stuff because this is an emergency escape that should only be available to when there is a need to do so yes, sometimes divorce is the better option when there is abuse when there is abandonment. When there is total incompatibility and the proper steps are followed. Well then it is what it is and some of the greatest Sahaba as well divorced and they were still

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The greatest Sahaba but despite that divorce a divorce does not mean you're a bad person. And sometimes it is better for your Eman for your health for your sanity to end the marriage and also if a marriage has ended or if one of you is in a single parents situation, please sisters and brothers especially single mothers don't pay attention to those statistics then because statistics mean nothing at an individual level Wallahi Dear sisters that are raising children on their own, I swear to you I am always in awe of the courage and sacrifices of single mothers. I'm always in awe about how much challenges you have about how you're taking on the world how you're doing more than any man

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could possibly do if he was in your situation, it is a miracle from Allah single mothers they become simultaneously more than just any other lady can become they become a father figure a mother figure so if you're in that situation, dear single mother, forget those statistics you will inshallah to either be successful with your children these statistics mean nothing at the individual level and yes, of course try to find a partner that is good but if not, then inshallah it is what it is. And for wisdom known to Allah, Allah has decided to test you in a way that inshallah you will also see this reality. Don't lose hope. Don't lose heart and realize some of the greatest people in our

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history were raised by single mothers, or ISA was raised by a single mother he was of the mightiest prophets, Imam Al Buhari was raised by a single mother and he became who he became so don't lose hope and don't worry about these statistics you do your job you do you you worship Allah subhanho wa taala, Big Lots of dua, and in sha Allah to Allah your tool will be even more successful than the average children out there. No worries insha Allah Who to Allah. But yes, as a default, we try to keep our marriages and keep the children within a stable marriage. The final conclusion brothers and sisters, even if society around us is heading towards complete chaos, even if more than 50% of

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children in broader society are born outside of marriage, we as a Muslim minority have to be role model citizens and role model worshipers of Allah subhanho wa taala. We have to show broader society what it means to be a worshipper of Allah on morality on Abrahamic religion, what it means to have a successful marriage, what it means to raise children in the normal manner. And this is one of the strongest mechanisms of Dawa and it is also the strongest mechanism to preserve Islam for many generations to come back Allah, Allah Allah Allah amo La Moneda and for aminu, Allahu Allah that if you held your wisdom and the love of Allah, wa him and Illa for Raja while then Allah Kadota while

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