Is a Wali (Guardian) Required in an Islamic Marriage Q&A
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Channel: Yasir Qadhi
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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah, who Allah Allah, he was a heavy woman while Muhammad. For today's q&a, we're going to have a lengthy discussion over answering a number of questions that I've gotten over the last few months regarding the necessity of having a wali during the marriage or the nickel ceremony. In other words, what are the various opinions about the necessity of having a guardian awardee, in order for the marriage to be considered valid and what is to be done? If there is a clash between the bride and between the Wali and there doesn't seem to be an agreement on that issue?
Now, this question actually is very sensitive, and a few weeks ago had given a response about another question. And I simply mentioned in passing, that the majority opinion is that already is required. And and I moved on. And after that lecture, I got dozens of emails from around the world of generally speaking, positive, but quite a few were very
long emails and explaining that, you know, I should be more careful in what I say didn't agree with this position. They said that one of the schools of law allows the woman to get married without the bloody the issues of updating Islamic faith this and that's where all of these questions and of course, one of the largest genre of questions that any scholar in the West gets is with regards to pertaining to marriage and pretending to divorce. And this is one of those issues of marriages that what is one to do, when two people want to get married, the bride and the groom, or the fiance, they know they want to get married together. And the woody becomes involved in what he says I'm not I'm
not wanting this marriage to take place. I'm not happy. In this particular instance, I don't want this this particular group, I have something else in mind for you. And of course, this is the standard clash that we hear about all the time, you know, we've all gone through that phase of our lives, those of us that are beyond that phase. And so it is important for us to take a critical look about what does Islamic law, say, and look at the reality and see what can be done. And before I began, this is going to be a lengthy lecture, it's not just the evidence is because we really do have to take a step back, we have to understand that this is an issue of importance to many young
men, and especially young women. And this is a very, very common theme. And it is one of the largest sources of conflict, really, of a young lady's life is that, you know, she might be going to college or just entering the workforce, and she meets somebody she wants to marry, they get along very well, they think that they're perfect one another. And then you know, for whatever reason, the Wali objects, and then of course, you know, the whole drama ensues, which is the standard, you know, back and forth between her and between the Wali and between other family members. And the issue comes that, you know, why can't she make this decision when she can make decisions with regards to other
aspects of her life, and therefore, we do need to take a step back, and understand that we as Muslims, do have a very different philosophy of the conception of family. And yes, even of gender, the role and the notion of family and of gender is something that is relatively fluid in the western context. By fluid we mean, it changes, you know, that keeps on morphing from one understanding to another. And from our perspective, it is the Shetty that defines the role of the family and the role of the gender and at times, our values from our Shadia are not fully in in consonance, in agreement with the values of our society around us. And we have to be very clear in this regard that what is
to be done, when our laws seem to conflict with our values that we've absorbed from our society. Because what we've absorbed really is the sense of individualism, what we've absorbed is the sense of it's my life, it's my pleasure, it's my, you know, rest of my life, why should I take into account what my parents say? And that is something I'm not saying everything we absorb from the world around us from the from the society around us isn't necessarily evil, but we do need to be cognizant of the fact that okay, the Shetty AI does allow for change. So is this something we can change or not with regards to our modern times? And before we even get into the the evidence as a
fit, we also have to discuss just a little bit about even the philosophy of early amount of the scholars themselves when it comes to how much we take modern society into account because, as you're probably aware, for so many issues, you know, there's going to be a spectrum of opinion and the
answer that you get will depend on the scholar that you ask for many issues of Islamic law, and this is no exception. When it comes to the issue of Wali, you will find classical differences of opinion. And then of course, in our modern times, you will find even more people, of course, debating this issue. And within the spectrum within this gamut of scholarship, obviously, there are some scholars that they feel that we should not take anything of modernity and of cultural differences into account, we should simply stick with the tradition, whatever our books have taught us, whatever. The fact that they studied was, they should simply copy and paste and they should ignore the world
around them, because they feel from their paradigm that the job of the Sharia is not to conform to society, rather, society should form conform to the Sharia. So they have their paradigm, then you have, of course, the flip opposite side of the spectrum. And you have those that feel that we look at the what they call the goals of the Sharia, or the macaws to the Sharia. And they will always find a mechanism or a way to bring their understanding of the Sharia into harmony with the modern understanding of the world. And of course, these are the people that are typically on the more modernist, or the progressive side of the spectrum. And within themselves, they also have quite a
lot of differences. Now, obviously, you're asking me or I'm doing, you're listening to my lecture right now. So obviously, I should just put my cards on the table. I've said this many times. And if you listen to my lectures or my q&a, you know exactly where I am coming from that in the grand scale of things, I do consider myself to be for lack of a better label, a forward thinking traditionalist, and by this I mean that we understand that we come from a tradition, we cannot just discard the tradition, we understand that our Shetty, our fifth, our laws they have been built over the last 14 centuries, we understand that there is a human element, no doubt about that. But we also understand
that there is a divine component as well, not everything is subjective, we have to be very careful that we don't enter this Pandora's box of ultimate post modernism, we have to be very careful that we don't just accept the notion that there is no ultimate truth and that Islam has been, you know, made so easy for everybody that in reality, there are no laws and we just conform with the, with whatever the values of our times are, there has to be that healthy balance and middle ground. And so my philosophy has been if you all of the throughout all of these lectures is that where there is room for change, where there is leeway, and culture and society is forcing us to rethink through the
tradition and the paradigm that we follow. The traditionalist paradigm allows us to rethink through the tradition, no problem we should do so however, where we have an explicit authoritative text from ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada or a hadith that needs to be applied in the situation we are dealing with. In this case, then obviously all unanimous consensus, of course, that is the most definitive because Quran and Hadith can be interpreted depending on how you look at them. unanimous consensus is not interpreted it is unanimous consensus. But and by that I mean that a verse from the Quran or Hadith of the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam, so many times scholars will look at the same thing and derive
different interpretations. But when you have unanimous consensus, well, then that solves the issue. So bottom line is that what I'm trying to say is that I do not consider myself to be a cut and paste, literalist, or fundamentalist, and I don't think anybody actually accuses me of that, who listens to my lectures. And I'm trying to say this, because where there is room for change, I will be the first to advocate that change. If you listen to so many other q&a that I've given, and where the texts are definitive or the texts are clear cut, well, then there has to be somewhere in Delta and we hear and we obey. Also another disclaimer, because again, we live at times where no matter
what you say, somebody is going to pick on it and read in. Obviously, I'm speaking from a spiritual or a religious paradigm, I'm not speaking from a legal paradigm of the lands that we are living in. Obviously, in western lands, once a woman comes of age, a man comes of age, they are technically free to do whatever they want, according to the laws of the land. So what I'm saying is not enforceable on anybody living in these lands, it's simply you're asking a religious advice, you're asking the spiritual realities and therefore, I am telling you this is the the response based upon your relationship between you and your Lord, you can choose to take it you can choose to reject it,
that is up to you at the end of the day, the lands that we live in these western lands, they do not, you know, obviously, they have ultimate freedom to do as you please when it comes to to marriage. And therefore this is simply a an advice that is being given from a spiritual perspective. And what you do beyond this, it is up to you and if a person chooses to take another path, that is their prerogative in this land, and then they have to answer to Allah subhana wa Taala on the Day of Judgment. One other caveat before I get to the actual filter, and this is very important. Brothers and sisters, we need to separate when we talk about Islamic law. When we talk about Sharia, when we
talk about
First, we need to separate the wisdom of the ruling from the legal cause of the ruling. Okay, this is one of the most common mistakes that the average Muslim falls into when they look at Islamic law. The wisdom in Arabic hikma is a general reason that we can say because of this reason, such that such a ruling has come down from Allah subhanho wa taala. Okay, so the wisdom we can say is, it seems to be this is why ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala legislated a particular ruling. However, the wisdom of a particular ruling is not the cause of the ruling, because it is possible for the wisdom to exist and it is possible for the wisdom to not exist, the legal ruling will only be applied when the
cause of the ruling in Arabic, this is called a law, when the will of the ruling exists when there is there in law, when there is the cause, the ruling will exist, we would expect that the wisdom and the law and the ruling are all simultaneous, we would expect this to be the default. And it is the default. However, if in a particular scenario, the wisdom of the ruling is not manifested, the ruling still applies. I hope that is clear. And I'll give you a number of examples. So we understand a simple example is that of shortening the prayer or to pray Zohar, for interpreters to Raka. Their Illa is travel, the wisdom is to make life easier, it was difficult to travel at that time to get
off of the caravan to combine the prayers to pray to 240 to two. And so the wisdom is the ease of the travel, the actual cause is the travel itself. Now, suppose somebody were to argue, hey, in those days, they couldn't just stop the caravan and pray for a car these days, which is driving a car or in those days, they didn't have air condition. And these days, we have full air conditioned we're in the plane, you know, why should we worry about this foreign to everything is so easy. Now, we're gonna say that the wisdom of the ruling was to make it easier for fasting, for example, right? The issue of not fasting when traveling. So they would say the wisdom is to make the fast or the
person easier, because it's so difficult to walk when you're fasting. It's so difficult to be traveling when you're fasting. If somebody were to say, Hey, guys, today we have the airplane, and the you're just sitting there and you have cool air conditioned flowing, and you don't have to move a finger, you're going 500 miles an hour. Therefore we're going to say that you are not allowed to break your fast when you're traveling, because the wisdom doesn't exist, their response is no, the ruling comes as a result of its legal cause the law which is travel, and it does not come as a result of the wisdom in case the Wisdom does not exist, the ruling was still exists. Now, why do I
say this because we're going to come to this notion of protecting the sanctity of the woman protecting the honor of the woman, we're going to come to this notion of making sure that nobody takes advantage of the of the lady, this is a wisdom, it is not the cause it is a wisdom. If somebody were to say, Hey, I am more knowledgeable than my body. If somebody were to say my body doesn't know anything, and I am a better person to judge, we will say and we're going to come to this, it doesn't mean this the end of the story, we will say that the ruling the default ruling does not change, because what you're referring to is a wisdom that the protection needs to be done. And
the default ruling is not based on the wisdom it is based on the what we call the law or the legal cause. And by the way, the same applies in secular law as well. The same applies in secular law. Let me give you a simple example. That will help illustrate this point from a secular paradigm. The speed limits, right, you're driving on the highway, and there's a limit of 70 miles an hour. Okay, so the limit is 70 miles an hour now. Why? What is the wisdom of that ruling? The wisdom of the ruling is to protect life. The wisdom of the ruling is to avoid drastic, tragic accidents. The wisdom of that ruling is that nobody should be going at 100 miles an hour because that is fatal that
is lethal, you're going to kill yourself or kill other people. And so you should go at a reasonable pace so that even if God forbid, an accident happens, you minimize the damage. That is the wisdom. Now, let me ask you an honest question. Does everybody have the same level of driving skills? What if somebody would argue and maybe they're correct that, hey, I'm a speed race driver, I'm boss, my profession, and I can drive 90 miles an hour, you know, just as safely as that can drive 60 miles an hour. In fact, there is no doubt that there are some people who are safer drivers at 90 miles an hour than others who are driving at 60 miles an hour. Right? Isn't that the case? There are some
people those rules don't make sense that why would you restrict this expert at 70 miles an hour? Actually that expert should go 8090 100 And they know exactly when to speed when to break they have a fancy car with good breaks whatever whereas other people may be there you know, whatever reason, impediments, impairments whatever that in fact, they should not even be given 70 They should be given
50 In fact, how many of us think that certain people should not even be driving when we see them on the highway? The point is that this is a good illustration, what if this person who's speeding at 90, and he's caught by the police police, and he goes to the court and he just and he says to the judge, Hey, I am qualified. I that rule doesn't apply to me, because I'm smarter than everybody else. Right? What do you think the judge is going to say? Similarly, the Sharia has come with generic laws. Generally speaking, those laws are for the benefit of society, it is very possible that an individual case we don't see the wisdom of that law, it's very possible, we don't see the
wisdom manifested, it does not change the default ruling, that's something we have to be very clear about, because we always get this issue of hey, but what about this? Or what about that Islamic law is not based about what about this? And what about that Islamic law is based upon the legal cause, that what is called the the law. And so that is why in case the wisdom is not manifested in a particular situation, it will not change the legal ruling, even though other mechanisms can be done, as we have said, Now, by the way, all of this preliminary discussion was done because all too often, I think that scholars, they just jump into quote, the evidence, and Imam Shafi said this, and the
Hadith says that, and this and that, and we need to understand that, you know, a lot of our young men and women and especially our young women who are about to get married, they really are struggling to understand the wisdoms of some of these laws. And I, I sympathize with that with that struggle. But we do need to take a step back and point out that for pretty much all of human history, before our one generation that we just happen to be born in before pretty much the entirety of the human race, marriage, and gender, and the roles of gender were looked at, in a very, very different light. All that we're seeing now of this individualism and me, myself, and I, and what I
want to do in my life, all of this is very, very recent. And even in this lands that we live in, we can date this quite literally to the late 60s and early 70s. This is when it all began. So even though society is changing, I understand the world is no longer the way that it used to be, we do need to point out that that that is a relatively modern change. And frankly, not for this question. But for other questions and other lectures, we do need to get into the effects that these changes have had the detrimental effects on family, on society, on sexuality, what is happening to the world around us internally and externally. And all of this goes back to a number of key changes that took
place in this timeframe. Anyway, all of this is separate to the point here. So to summarize, all of this was a conclusion before but before we get to the field of this is that we need to understand the difference between wisdom and between cause just in case the wisdom doesn't exist, the cause will still bring about the ruling, we also need to understand that Islamic law does allow for some change, but not unconditional change. So what I'm trying to point out is that in sha Allah, I consider myself to be of those who are pushing for change where change is allowed, therefore, when no change is allowed, and I say that no change is allowed. Understand that I'm not coming from a
literalist or fundamentalist paradigm, I'm trying my best to work within the situation as we can. And then the third point that I mentioned is the cultural realities that we live in is that let us also, as we, you know, go through these issues, let us be brave enough to problematize modernity, that is to be brave enough to problematize our own modern culture, and don't just accept it to be the ethical default, it might be the political default, it doesn't mean it is the ethical norm. And we need to be brave enough to challenge our presumptions, and to challenge our notions that we've absorbed from the time and the place that we have lived it. With all of that, let us now get to what
does Islamic law say? And what are the main opinions about having a ready for marriage. So the first position in this regard is the position of the vast majority of the scholars of Islam and the position of all of the schools of Islamic law except for one. And of course, this includes the mother keys and the sharp fairies and the hem berries, and the boy Hadees. And pretty much every other major scholar that has come, except for one primary fundamental School, which is the Hanafi school. That's the other exception that the majority of scholars past and present classical, pre modern and modern, and the majority of Islamic school schools have said that the Nikka the marriage
contract will not be valid without a Willie, that if there is no Woody, then there is no marriage and the marriage contract cannot and does not take place between the bride and the groom. Rather, it takes place between the groom and between the Wali with the consent of the bride. Okay, so this is the position of pretty much all of the schools of Islamic law, except for one that actually is a necessary prerequisite a necessary
condition it is called the record. Basically, it's a necessary part and parcel, there is no contract, you cannot have a marriage, there is no Nikka. without the approval of the body, we can say, and whether the what he himself was president or not to delegate somebody, but the point is the woody has to approve, and then the Nikka will take place. Of course, the Willie, for from the bright side, Islamic law does not require the Willie from the groom's side. And once again, this is one of those cultural
issues that comes up why not and when, and this is a longer discussion, but it is very, very correct to point out that while Islamic law views the genders as being spiritually equal in the eyes of Allah, Islamic law does have differences between the roles and the responsibilities of the two genders. That is an undeniable fact. And the only way out of this, frankly, is to completely reject normative Islamic law to completely reject the basic tenants of the Quran and Sunnah and to redevelop something completely obscure and unknown, which then, you know, comes to the point of how much are you going to change the religion? And at what point does that much change change the
religion to the point of it not being the religion of Islam anymore, all of these are questions that need to be discussed by those who are going to go to that level. From our perspective, we're not going to go down there today, we're simply going to say that, according to that position, the Wali is a necessary requirement a part and parcel of the Nikka contract. Now, this is position number one. Within this position, we can subcategorize into two, one A and one B, and then there's position two, so there's two major positions. And then within the first we'll have one A and one B, one A, that the Wali always has the right of veto, and the what is approval must always be sought. And
regardless of the circumstances of the lady, whether she's previously unmarried, or whether she has been married and divorced, and then wants to remarry, or widowed and then wants to remarry, in all circumstances, this group of scholars and alumni would would argue that the worldly approval must be sought. And that if for whatever reason, the Wali does not agree, then the nigga cannot take place, unless if we're going to come to this, the lady appeals to a higher authority, the court or whatnot, and the Willie is taken away and another one he put in his place, but the woman cannot of herself, go ahead and perform the contract. This would be one a that the Wali does have veto power in all
circumstances, whether the woman has been unmarried or whether the woman has been previously married, one B is that the the Woody is still required. However, the Wilaya or the the worry of the lady who has been previously divorced, or has been widowed, that that what he essentially becomes a token worthy. And if there is a clash between the divorce lady who wants to remarry, or between the widow lady wants to marry and her Woody, meaning obviously, the only white lady left is the unmarried lady, the lady has never been married, right? If there is a clash between the divorce See, or the widow, ie if there is a clash between her and her wedding, she has the right without going to
a third party to strip HIS WILL away and give it to somebody else and say go to another cousin, go to an uncle go to somebody and say you will be my worry for the marriage. And she does not need the permission of a particular Woody, she needs a wedding. By the way, both of these are still a Wali. The difference though is in the power of the Willie, that one a that what he always outranks the lady, one B is that the willie outranks the lady in power one she has been previously unmarried, it is the first marriage and one B would say that if she has been married, and then for whatever reason, divorce or the death of the husband, now she wants to remarry again, in this case, she has
the right to basically marry whomever she pleases. And in case her primary what he says no, she has the right to say well, okay, I'll choose another one. And she didn't choose as an uncle or a cousin. And then the marriage will take place. And this is let's call it one B. And the technical terms for this is Willie eligibile. And Willie L. Masaryk. Right. Well, Al Majid is the one that has the right to veto that's one a William oceanic is the one that he's just taking part in the ceremony. And the position that I'm advocating in this q&a is one B, this is the position that I personally follow when I have cases in front of me, and is the position that I think does make the most sense, even
though again, with respect to one A and position two, I have utmost respect for all of those scholars. But obviously every one of us who has to deal with cases we have to have a position so my my position and the default and the one that I'm advocating, and the one that I have been advocating throughout my q&a is based
equally one be, and that is that the unmarried lady requires her wadis permission and that permission has veto status, whereas the previously married lady, she gets the worry. But that only becomes a technicality that when he becomes just anybody that is her close relative, that can count as a Willie, and she then performs the marriage. Even if the primary well he says no, it's her business, she has to face you know the consequences of that in this world. Obviously, there's no sin on her for doing that. That's position one beat and that is the position of many earlier past and present is a classical position. Nothing new is very well known and standard that the unmarried lady
requires the permission of her Wali, whereas the married lady then divorced and then the widowed lady that she has more right concerning her life and her business than her woody does the second opinion, so that's why they want to be the second opinion, is, of course, the famous position of the Hanafi school, and the position that has been attributed to a number of Tabby rune, including zody. And it has also been narrated from an SNL basally, that they allowed a woman to get married without her wadis approval. And even if her what he said, no, they said she can still get married. And this is an opinion, nobody can deny the veracity of the opinion that it exists. And it is an opinion that
has been held by one of the major and most vibrant schools of Islamic law. And it is a position that therefore, cannot just be dismissed. However, as I will argue in this lecture, that the majority position really does have so many evidences that I cannot just, you know, find leeway and just dismiss it and choose the position of the other school with respect with utmost respect to the other school. And of course, anybody who is a follower of that school, you have the right to follow your Islamic school your law, nobody's telling you that you should leave that however, anybody who is by default following any of the other schools should definitely not just then pick and choose just
because of convenience, another one now, what are some of the evidences that are used by the majority opinion? Those that say that a Woody is required? What are their evidences, there are so many evidences that we're going to have to summarize them. One of the most common evidences is an entire series of Quranic verses pertaining to marriage. Were pretty much the default most of the time that ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada references marriage. When he talks about women marrying, he uses a different word verb and that verb is unka ha and UNGA means to get married off, and he doesn't use the word NECA ha. And Nica means that you marry so the fact that Allah switches verb so it's
transitive versus intransitive, right? Who's doing it. The fact that ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada when he's talking about ladies getting married, he is addressing the only the woody and he is saying to the woody, do not get your ladies married off or get your ladies married off. So the addressee is the woody. It is as if the Woody is the one making the decision or at least enforcing the decision after the lady says she wants it or not that the one he is the one who is doing the contract and taking care of the contract on behalf of the lady. So the fact that the Quran has so many verses on the in this genre, for example, sort of Bukhara verse 221 where Allah subhana wa Taala says, what are the
what attend to her Masha Riccati had tell you when Allah speaks to the men and Allah says, do not do Nica is speaking to the men do not do Nikka with pagan ladies, those who worship idols until they believe in Allah subhanho wa Taala so now Wallah, thank you then when it comes to women, what a tomb keuchel Mashallah Kena and that's a different verb if you know your Arabic and that verb is that do not marry off your women to men who are worshipping idols. Notice the difference in the tenses right? When Allah is talking about the man getting married, Allah says you men do not get married to ladies who are practicing idolatry. Then when Allah talks about Muslim ladies, he says and do not Oh
men do not get your daughters or your Jani the people that you're in Detroit in charge of his speaking to the ollie up do not get your ladies married off. So now it is Allah is speaking to the one who has the right to veto and that is the willie also in the Quran. What MQL am I'm in Como Salah Hainan everybody can what you may have come that get married off again the the transitive verb that you're not doing the marriage but your ladies that are under your control that have them married off and ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada says, Thank you whoo hoo Nabi is in the early Hiner that marry them with the permission of their families. Now, these two verses they're not technically fully in
the context of what we're talking about because they deal with right hand Amma and milky Amin. Nonetheless the concept is there that the permission must be
be given by those in authority. And Allah subhanho wa Taala mentions in sort of the apostles the story of Musa and his father in law to be when he went to Medina and that Allah says in the Quran that the father in law of Musa to be the father in law to be of most asset in neodi do an on get hacker Awa Yeah, Hi Tony. The father says to Musa, I want to offer you one of my two daughters in marriage once again, the father is the one saying I shall marry my daughter off to you. So all of these verses indicate very clearly that the one who is doing the technicalities of the Nica, the one who is deciding whether it's going to take place or not the one who has the veto power it is the
Wali and perhaps one of the most explicit verses in this regard is also Sudha Bukhara in the same series where Allah mentions Nikka antilock that Allah subhanaw taala says, way that I love to Manisa doesn't Nigeria Hoonah Fela Tao Gulu Hoonah and yuckiness wa Johanna ADA Turabian at home Bill Maher roof that when you divorce women, and they finish their their divorce timeframe, they diminish their waiting period, then do not prevent them from remarrying or from marrying whoever they want to, if they choose to do so with my roof within that in a good manner. Now, this verse was revealed because of an incident in Medina. It is an authentic hadith reported in multiple books of Hadith including
several hottie that mark and EBS out, married his sister off to their cousin, and some fighting happened between the couple and the cousin ends up divorcing. The sister sends her back to the house of Markel and Malka loses his temper gets angry at his brother in law slash cousin. And basically, you know, they are falling out, then they're in the finishes, and she is now a free lady, now the sister of market, the husband comes back, apologizing, wanting to make up he speaks to the his ex wife, and they agree to give it another chance. They agree that you know, they're going to make it work out this time. And she agrees to marry her cousin she agrees she wants to get remarried again.
And Mark I live in ASR said no Allah, He I will never do this. I welcome you into our household as your brother in law. I gave you my sister, I did this and that. And then you mistreated her and sent her back. Now here we have the classic, the classic issue right of this clash that his sister wants to marry and hit her brother, the parents were not in the picture. Her brother is saying no, you're not going to marry that this man has just honored us by divorcing you. And so Allah revealed in the Quran, Fela Tao Lulu Hoonah the addressee is magical, or magical, do not stop, do not act as a barrier between you, between your sister and between the man that she wants to marry. It's not your
responsibility now to act as that barrier. Now that now what is the evidence here? The evidence is that the very fact that Allah had to reveal that you cannot stop this marriage. The very fact that Allah is addressing him indicates that he had some power. And now the question arises, how much power? Did he have veto power? Or, which is what I'm arguing that he didn't have that veto power anymore. But he stood have a worthy status. And Allah is saying now that she is fully capable of making that decision, you cannot come between her and her decision, which is the argument that I'm making other scholars, by the way, and I'm not going to go down the controversy over one A and one B
and the evidence is that beyond maybe another q&a, this q&a, we're not going to go down there do realize, by the way that there are strong evidences on both sides. I'm not dismissing one at all. But I'm simply saying, again, for me in the position that I follow one B is very clear cut to me at least and there are a number of traditions that I see them to be very self evident that the divorce lady has ultimate right to make her decision even if for what he says no. Now this is the Quranic evidences. There are many a hadith as well in this regard, many of them. The most famous hadith is a Hadith of Musa shadow the Allahu La Nika Illa bhiwadi. There is no Nikka except with a woody. So
again, this is a negation there is no Nick x. So clearly what he and this hadith is reporting Budo, the Tirmidhi and if the manager and Al Hakim and what's the name of Muhammad, and a number of other books as well. And the problem comes and this is the whole issue here. All of the Hadith that are explicit, are not inside Bolognaise I'm Muslim, they're in the other books, they're in books lesser than that. And the Hadith that are implicit and in Bukhari and Muslim are not as explicit as what we need for this issue. That's why the Hanafi school Allah is able to find as we will come to Okay, so this hadith lanica Illa what he tells me he himself says that this hadith
If there is some controversy over whether it is you know, Yanni continuous chain or a broken chain and then he prefers that it is a continuous chain so he says it is authentic but there is a controversy whether it is an authentic hadith or not from the time of Timothy up until our times and the Hadith in Telemedia as well that you remember attend, NACA had because it isn't really whether you have any cattle herbal Telefonica prohibited when you carry about three times, whichever or whoever lady marries herself off without her Wali, then her marriage is belted her marriage is invalid, her marriages invalid. And if they differ over who is going to be the woody or there is no
woody than the soul bond will be the Willie the leader or the community will be the woody for the one who has no worry. And this hadith as well is subject to some controversy in the Senate about Buddhahood. In the Senate about a Buddha would we have the Hadith laserLine walima, I say EB Omran well yeah tema to to stop Maru or Santosa kuruva. That the word he has no affair with the previously married lady, the widow or the divorce see that what he does not have the control over her. And as for the team and your team, your team are here literally means the orphan but also it means that the young girl sometimes you call the young girl, the young girl, she is asked whether she wants to
marry or not. And if she is quiet, then that quiet, her Quietness or silence is considered to be her acceptance. So once again, we have the notion of the Wali being involved and taking charge and getting permission from the lady but once that is done, then he is the one doing the Nicca also in Sahih Muslim we have the Hadith that a Yamaha Kobina FC Hammond where he will be crew to start Morrow, the the lady that has been married, I am now again, I'm translating this as lady that has been married realized that even how you translate this goes back to if you've prefer one a or one B because I prefer one B so I'm doing a different translation those that prefer one they have a
different understanding of this hadith, but for now we'll leave that controversy between one A and one B, that the aim and I'm traveling. The aim here is that the one who has already been married, the one who has already been married, she has more right concerning herself than her body. And the one who has not been married before the unmarried lady. She must be asked permission and this isn't a Muslim. Now that's inside a Muslim but it doesn't mention that the Nika must have the worry the concept is indirect but it is not direct and inside Buhari as well as similar Hadith in this regard. Now. These are the evidences of the primary school. And their main the crux of their evidence really
is that the Quran seems to address the Wali and there are a number of a hadith that mentioned there is no Nikka. Without a Willie and put together these are authentic hadith. How do the Hanif is respond to this, the Hanafi say that? Well, the Quran doesn't always address the Willie the Hanafi is do not deny that it is better to have a wali the Hanafi. Simply say it's not a necessary requirement. And in case there is no remedy, they say or the what is for whatever reason is not there, the woman may herself get married and act on her own behalf, she does not need a body and she can do her own marriage without any worry even if she is previously unmarried. If it's your first
marriage, she can act on her behalf. Now, footnote here, even the Hannity's amongst themselves, they have like five or six opinions with minor differences. But this is the mainstream position. What I'm telling you is like the default of and this is reported from Imam Abu Hanifa. And Mohammed Hassan Abu Yusuf is the default of the Hanafi madhhab. And you can look this up. And you've known Humam and other famous books of the Hanafi schools of law, that the default of their method is that the young lady previously unmarried may marry herself off as long as her husband to be is of the similar background meaning he is somebody who is appropriate for her, and somebody who gives her her matter
that is equivalent to her status. Now, again, even these scholars, they said that the groom must be suitable now who gets to define what is suitable, right? Because what they were worried about is an unmarried lady being taken advantage of. And so even even they put in that hate somebody from the same socio economic and even in those times culture because again, this is another point that the backlash that I got is that culture is no longer important. And I understand this as an ongoing conversation. Culture was very important for most of human history. These days, I understand that culture is secondary, and I'm not arguing that culture is definitive. I'm not arguing that at all.
But do understand that for most of human history, it was very important that the husband and wife be of a similar background, socio economically, you know, intellectually, culturally, that they thought the marriage would get along better and it would not work out otherwise. That's the way that they felt in the world that we live in. It's a very different world and are willing to acknowledge that that is not a requirement anymore, that the Sharia does not come and mandate that a person has to
We have the same culture. I never said that. But But I did say that generally speaking, generally speaking, birds of a feather flock together. I think that's a general rule. But of course, there's many exceptions and that's not Sharia. That's just, you know, normative human history. Nonetheless, the Hanafi say that if the groom is suitable for the for the lady and gives her the Mahara, that other ladies of her socioeconomic status would get the Nikka is valid, even if there's no Willie, and she can be the woody herself. Now, what is their evidence for this, they say that, firstly, there are at least one or two verses where Allah subhanho wa Taala seems to indicate that the woman
has the right for her marriage. And it's not talking to the worry over them as Surah Baqarah verse 234, for now, Jonah, how they compare my philosophy and foresee hitting them in my roof, that there is no sin on you, if whatever they decide to do in a way that is honorable and respectful, whatever they meaning the women here, so Allah so Allah subhanaw taala is literally saying that she has the right now the response by the majority is that the reference here is that she may choose to marry, and she may choose to remain single. And it doesn't mean that the Willie has no role, it simply means that she has now the opportunity to basically give the message out that she's looking for a
groom, and she's interested in marriage or she cannot do that. So the point is to have a way of interpreting that and it's not the way that the Hanafi is understand it. The other issue that the Hanafi is bring is that all of these are Hadith that we brought forth, there is no Nikka without a Wali, whoever marries without a what either Nuka his bottle about about it, the Hanafi say according to their understanding, these Hadith are not authentic, so they simply point out, and it is correct to point out certain scholars criticize these a hadith. And so they simply, generally speaking, put these highly to the side. And they also then bring up another issue, which is a bit more technical,
and that is that they believe that if the narrator of the Hadith, himself does something against the Hadith, this shows that the hadith is somehow not authentic. And so they point out that I should have the Allahu anha who is narrating one of these Hadith. Apparently she herself, got one of her nieces married without her brother's approval. And the story goes as follows that are Aisha Radi Allahu anha. Of course, she had a younger brother by the name of Abdul Rahman Ibn Abu Bakr and Abdul Rahman was a younger brother remember the famous Hadith of
the Hajj that Abdul Rahman was the one who, from Masjid Aisha from 10am, he took her back and then he brought her to do the toe off and say one more time. So Abdul Rahman had a daughter by the name of Hassan Abdul Rahman was away on a long journey. And in that interim period, this is of course after the death of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam. It should not be Allahu anha got her nice Hafsa married to a movie or even a zubaid. The younger brother of Abdullah Jimenez obey the famous Abdullah zubaid, he had a younger brother Colin Moon viburnum Zubayr, and so on Isha got her niece married to a mother, while her brother was not in the picture, her brother was away, that's her
body. The first half says Woody. And when her brother returned, he was very angry. And he said, How could this happen? How could you do this when I'm not here, you know, obviously, understandably, he was very hurt. And so,
the issue was then brought back to El Mundo the groom. And and when they said that, I will leave the affair to the father, if he wants to cancel, then I will cancel. And the father then said no, alas, now that has happened, let it be. And so the marriage did in fact, you know, go ahead, meaning the marriage already taken place, but the marriage was then allowed to continue and the father did not come. So the fact that I surely ALLAH, one had got her niece married
in the absence of her brother, is an indication according to the Hanafis, that she did not view the Wilaya to be necessary. The response to this is
a bit more complicated the responses that firstly, they say the action of a companion does not take precedence over the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, this is what the majority say. And so even if the companion does something, the Hadith has a higher authority over it. Secondly, they'll point out that if you know the alo hunter did not act as a woody. Rather, she had another male relative act as a Wali, in this Nica, but what she did was she kind of sort of took up the amount out of the picture, and did not ask his permission, and got her niece married off and the actual body where there was a Willie involved, but it wasn't the father. It was another relative
another. I don't know who it was actually, the bookstore mentioned who it was, but another relative, a brother and uncle, whatever was gotten involved, couldn't have an uncle, excuse me, but another person got involved and that he acted as the worry. So it's not as if she became the woody it's right
She did an reorientation of the Wali and she took the will of the father away, which irritated the father immensely. And she gave it to somebody else. So that is the way that we understand this, that. And then also also, by the way, it needs to be said here that hey, firstly, this is Aisha, not just anybody, and this is her niece. It's not just a stranger. And this is a girl that she's raised. And her younger brother and her might have a relationship we don't know about that. She and by the way, the groom was very noble coming from a very well known family, the family of Zubaydah that I want, I mean, what more do you want? And so maybe I should assumed that this is a golden opportunity
to have this marriage take place and the father would approve. Point is, there's a million scenarios of why, what if why, and we should simply understand that the Hadith in this case will have precedents and priority over the actions of a very respected companion, and of course, the wife of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the head of us whether we also mentioned a logical reasoning, and they say that just like the lady does not need to ask permission when she spends her money. Why would she need to ask permission when she gets married? And of course, that appeals immensely to many people in our times that logic and reasoning, the response goes that firstly,
marriage is not just a simple one off, you buy a purse or something of this nature, it is a lifelong commitment. Secondly, that has repercussions beyond you yourself, but there are family repercussions. And then thirdly, we are not the ones putting these conditions, the hadith is coming and saying that Nika has to have a Willie, if this hadith did not exist, this logic would be very sound that why should she need permission, we are not putting the permission, that permission is being pushed by the Hadith itself that she needs to get the permission of her one. So, all of this being said, I understand that the Hanafi position is very appealing to many of our younger brothers
and sisters, if they happen to follow the Hanafi madhhab. And they they they take recourse to this action what can be done, it is a valid position, and if it is their school of law, it is their school of law. However, I do consider the other position to be the stronger one because of the number of evidences the explicit nature of the evidences. And the explicit Hadith in this regard, the Hadith are authentic, by the way, the vast majority of scholars of Hadith have considered because there's not just one Hadith there's at least seven Hadith at least seven different Hadith about the concept of the nigger has to have a Willie, I quoted you the top two or three of them. But
there's more that I did not, quote you. The issue also comes before we get to some advice about where in case there's a clash, about the order of the willies. What if the father is not in the picture, he's passed away what happens then, and again, the the order is a much easier issue. But according to the Humphrey School of Law, that you start with the Father, and then you go upward. So the grandfather, if he's still alive, then if there is no ascendant, then you go to the descendants. So suppose she's getting married, she has a teenage son, so then the son becomes the woody of the divorce or the widowed mother, and then the grand set or whatnot, suppose that there are no sons,
then in this case, her full brother, than in this case, her brother from her father's side, if there's a half marriage or half sibling after that, and then her full uncle, and then her half uncle, and then her full cousin from her uncle here is of course, the paternal uncle. So it is the father's brother, and then the if there is no uncle, and then the father's brothers, sons become her body. So basically, the humbling bathtub is like leaning towards, and this is the majority position, the father's side, because the father is the way so his relatives would come. Generally speaking, most of the schools of law do not consider the Wilaya to go to the mother side for the unmarried
lady. Now, suppose there is no relative from the father's side, what is to be done, in this case, if you live in an Islamic land, the Islamic court will appoint a wealthy for you. And if you live in a non Muslim land, you should go to the masjid and the Imam will then either himself or a pointer, whether you for you, and that would be your your, well, you're not a problem. In that case. Also, by the way, one point that should be mentioned here is the concept of Wirkkala of Tolkien of the Wali. It's very common, that a distant Wali, in terms of blood might be closer to the family proximity wise and relationship wise, like you have a better relationship, then a closer Woody in terms of
blood. So let me give you a classic example. Most of us living in the West, we might have an uncle living back home, and we have a cousin, you know, for fathers brothers, you know, son, for example, living in a different state. And because we're in this country, we're closer to that cousin than we are to the distant uncle. In this case, all that needs to be done is that the distant wali and he fought by by physical proximity simply says, OK, I give my permission to the cousin you can stand in my place no problem. So this is handing the worry over by the way this can be done at any since situation circumstance. For example, if the father cannot fit
equally be present, the father can say to somebody in the community that is there. So it's what suppose the father's overseas and the ladies in a different land, the father can call up and say, okay, so and so you're my friend, you know, I know you, you become the body from my daughter. So the father then delegates This is called a delegation or a Wirkkala. It can be done for any reason that you don't have to have a medical needed can be done for any reason that the Wali can hand over to can delegate the responsibility to somebody else. Okay. So, before we get to the advice in case of controversy, the conclusion of the filthy aspect is that it is very clear from the Quran and Sunnah
that the nikkhah takes place with a Wali. And even if the lady is previously divorced, or widowed, there must be a nominal worry, so the worry is still there. But in that case, she has more rights than her what he does, and nobody can veto her if she decides to do so this is the position that I'm advocating, which is one, B. Now, what if it is a lady that has not been married before previously unmarried, and her father says no. And I cannot even begin to tell you how many emails I get from all over the world. You know, in particular, from men who want to get married to a particular lady or the ladies themselves, they email me and they say, please talk to my father. Obviously, I cannot
do that with your brothers and sisters for many, many reasons. But I understand this is a very big problem. And it's very emotional. It's very heartbreaking. What can be done some advice.
Firstly, advice to the elders and especially to the Willys that we are living in a very different time in a very different world than the world of 3040 50 years ago. And there are too many cultural changes taking place, we need to rethink through how we ourselves grew up a decade, two decades, three decades ago, we need to rethink through the role of culture, we need to rethink through the necessity really, of being so picky as maybe our ancestors were and understand that
young ladies of our generation, I would say, as a rule are far better equipped than any other generation previously, to understand the pros and cons that because of the world we live in, because it is true to point out that 500 years ago, 50 years ago, generally speaking, ladies of a respectable background, did not interact with men at all that were strangers to them, and all societies and cultures, by the way, even in this land of America. You know, back in the 20s 30s 40s, if a young man were interested in a lady to get married, he would ask permission from the Father, he would ask permission, I would like to date your daughter, you know, for the purposes of marriage,
you know, so get to know her public dates, what not that's in this culture, all of this has changed in one to generate all of this has changed right now. And so even in this culture, there was this notion of a very different understanding. Now all of this is gone. And even though we cannot change the fact that the Willie is required, I think the what he needs to also understand that the young lady's a 20 year old lady of our time is not like a 20 year old 50 or 100 years ago. And if she is adamant that she wants to marry a particular young man, explain to her the risks explain to her how you feel about whatever man she has in mind, be very frank with her and what not. And then allow her
to think and think and I'm not saying you have to but I'm saying be more open minded than a generation ago. So that is frank advice to the Wali. Because in the end of the day, you cannot expect your daughters to understand the world the way that your mothers used to do, it's not going to happen, or even you yourself a generation ago, it's not going to happen. The world has changed. Even if we cannot change the necessity of a woody Wally's need to themselves rethink through how much they should enforce a veto. That's the first point to the body. And I'm not saying they have to, I'm saying they can they have to rethink through and then second point to the young men and
women, and especially to the young women out there.
True, you might be more equipped than your mothers or grandmothers. But that doesn't mean that at the age of 20, or 22, you are certain about what you want, and that the person you have in mind is going to be the best person for you. Young lovebirds always assume that they are meant for each other. And they always assume that if they don't get married to that particular person, they shall die or live a miserable life or never find happiness. I mean, you know, young men and women, you're not the first Romeo and Juliet, you're not the first they learned Majnu. And there is a reason why this motif is common in every single culture. I mean, we've all experienced that age, you know, I
mean, just because I am who I am. We've all been through that stage and age. We know what life is like we know those feelings. I'd like to tell you as an older person, to the youngsters in the audience, your first love is indeed very precious, very
attend a very what not just because you think you will never move on in case that love doesn't come to fruition in marriage. Just because you think that doesn't make it true. How many young loves have not become you know into marriages in fact that is the default I'm not trying to terrify you but that is the default that your first love or your first time you want to get married is not going to be your first your actual marriage and believe it or not, you will life will go on Believe it or not, you will find love after this Believe it or not, you will find a partner inshallah and then you will have memories maybe of you know, a previous crush or whatever and shall everything was hella
with that one, we will have memories, but life goes on. And by the way, by the way, I have to say this as an older brother as well, that that that young love that you have right now at that young age and you think that you live forever happily ever after. Life is not a fairy tale. Life is not a fairy tale that love that you feel that innocence, that strong power that what not that emotion overcome you get married. If that were to happen within a few years, all of that is gone and reality strikes. That's why every fairy tale ends at the marriage they lived happily ever after. No fairy tale goes on to washing the dishes and having kids no fairytale goes on to actual life and midlife
crisis that's never going to be talked about, okay, I'm trying to say to you young ladies and young men. If you think you're so mature, then really be mature. And understand that that love that you feel we all understand how you feel, believe me, we all understand it. But not every single Love is going to come to fruition in a marriage. And even if that marriage takes place, that love that you feel will not be the same. It might even go a different way. So keep that point in mind. Also, the third advice that I'm going to give as well is that dear sisters who are in the situation where your body is saying no to you, dear sisters, you have every right to use Halal mechanisms to bring about
a change from within. You have every right to discuss with your father, you have every right to be mature and explain why you think this particular person will be best for you. You have every right to bring in elder cousins, aunts and uncles if your mother is on your side you have every right to get internal pressure. On top of this you can bring in the local Imam on top of this Make dua to Allah subhana wa Tada on top of this is the hara Praise to Allah that Allah changes the hearts do every one of these mechanisms. And let me tell you something, honestly, you say in your mind that this person is like one in a million this person is mashallah Mr. Romeo, or whatever you want to
call him, this person is the best for you. If he truly is that one in a million, for sure other people will also see that and for sure, other people will be advocating for you as well. And that pressure will become easy. But in case he's not, and you have absolutely no allies, then maybe just maybe the perception you have of that other person is your perception and not reality. So think about that, as well. Fourthly, think long and hard of the consequences, especially those who are going to go the Hanafi route of not having a woody do realize that
you undertaking that decision is going to have massive repercussions. I have known of plenty of cases and we hear them all the time where a young lady or a man decides to get married without the consent of their family. And then guess what happens? Within a few years that puppy love falls apart within a few years that marriage goes down south within a few years. It goes sour, and divorce takes place. What's going to happen, who's going to because again, you can throw cliches as much as you want. And you can throw slogans about gender equality as much as you want in the end of the day. slogans and cliches don't change human biology and psyche. And the man is not like the woman where
they said the clinical onset and the psychological trauma that afflicts one gender, and the realities of future prospects for that gender are not the same. Now you can get angry at me you can say why is it like that? I am not advocating that it should be I'm just telling it like it is if we stop living in a utopic, romantic unreality and fluttered back down to the real world, while ASA Decker local author, and the young lady who has ended up in divorce needs the love and the support of her family. And she needs a mechanism to rehabilitate yourself for a while, and then you should allow the other find another Prospect if if that is going to take place. And that requires the help
and the needs of her family. I have heard of all too many cases where at a younger stage of her life, she made a drastic decision. And of course, not only does she regret it, but then she had to make up her own family as well. Now you're gonna say why not demand and the responses, whether we like it or not, there is a level of independence that comes with one gender that doesn't come with the other that is, that is the reality. And it is not only the way that Allah created us, but human psychology clearly demonstrates this as well. So think long and hard about the repercussions of not having a wedding. And then the final point that I'm going to conclude all of this off with is very
simple. One of the most
Beautiful aspects of our faith. It is a pillar of our faith is to believe in order to believe in order.
When it comes to the issue of marriage, it is so consoling to know in your heart that whatever Allah has willed is going to happen. Have this as a constellation, if it is decreed it shall happen. And if Allah azza wa jal knows that there's good for you in this it is going to happen. And in case it is not decreed that no matter what you try, it's not going to come about you try your best I'm not saying be lazy, I'm not saying try your best but in case the door has been shut, and in case lives have been moved on, in your heart Accept Allah's other and know that if the entire world were to come together to try to change other they could not do so and know that the pen has been lifted and
the ink has dried and know that Allah has written your in asleep, your your your life partner, and in case you were not able to get married to the person you really wanted to get married to. Then put your trust in Allah subhana wa Tada that Allah has someone better in mind for you, you might not realize it a 2021 22 Your first love always blinds man and women, both of you totally blind him. We all know this your first love. It's a love that is an immature, naive love. That's why it's so romanticized is not the love of an experienced person. It's the love of a person who's never experienced love. That's why it's called your first puppy low. You cannot make your life long
decisions at that stage of your life without the help of your family. And especially that's why the Willie is required for in particular, one gender and not the other because we want to make sure that the interests of that person is protected. And she's not taken advantage of. And we know that the two genders are different in this regard. Bottom line, dear brothers and sisters, I wanted to talk an entire lecture about this because I have at least one I'd say 1/3 1/4 of my questions are dealing with this issue over all of Wilaya all of these different aspects wanted to give a long lecture to summarize and conclude. A wali is required for an unmarried lady for a previously married or lady or
divorced he or she may choose on her own and choose her wedding as well. But still in that case, there must be a nominal wali and the unmarried lady who wants to get married to particular person, go ahead and try make dua do whatever you can. But in the end of the day, and of course,
you always have the option by the way, I should have added this as well. You always have the option of appealing to a higher authority in case it is unjust. And that's not for you to decide. A third party, the sheriff, the Imam, or if you're in an Islamic land, the court will come in and the court will look at if you have the right to petition and say My father is treating me unjustly and these are the reasons why a third party has to see not you yourself because you're the your your your your smack in the middle of it you can't emotionally think rationally right now a third party has to see is your father really being unjust and if that third party decreased and I've had this has happened
to me by the way as well that I have had ladies come to me and tell me their stories I contact the father I verify that in fact the father seems to be you know, just an evil person, it's very common that you just nasty person and whatnot. And in this case, I will tell the father your your your your daughter is of age she is mature she is now Whatever 25 Whatever. And because of this, this this you know I do not consider your Wilaya to be active anymore. And I will tell her to find a way from her uncles and cousins and in all the cases we find another way within the family that understands because again, people have that character, their own families know who they are. So if your father
really is a tyrant if your father really is cruel, as unjust, you will find within Islamic law mechanisms to find the other body in case your family and your your father as a reasonable objection, and you cannot get married except Allah SCADA and move on and insha Allah Allah will have something better in store for you may Allah subhana wa Taala protect all of us in our children may Allah azza wa jal guide us and our loved ones to that which is pleasing to Him and inshallah we'll continue next week was Saramonic Mercado Libre catch
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