Incredible Marriages from Islamic History – Lessons from Them

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Waleed Basyouni

Channel: Waleed Basyouni

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And then another incredible Webinar today we are being joined by Sheikh will lead this uni, our Vice President here at on Maghrib and the instructor of the famous fic a love course that you guys have been hearing about, just like the letter to those of you who joined us this Tuesday for our midlife marriage crisis webinar, which if w Sonya Mottola and the many of you who have connected with us since and joined and love the course since then please start seeing your salons let us know in the chat where you're coming in from as we start today's live stream today we're talking about incredible marriages from Islamic history and the lessons that we can learn from them and we can't

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wait to start the conversation with you all I shot I recognize your name mashallah for one of the first people to always comment while ACHEMA Sinhala have the likelihood to get to disaster. Look, everybody for being here first and for your big set. I'm coming in from the UK Xishan a Solomonic and where are you coming in from? Let us know. I see that you guys are zooming in again salaam as well for those who are coming in from equities page lemma ICU Alec Mr. Ram coming in from Cochrane Alberta. Rob coming in from somewhere in Florida

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Zhi Shan as well it sounds like going on with a lot and again those of you are coming in let us know let it give us quick slam and fill in your location in the chat there so that we can shout you out. Also, don't forget to share this this livestream Inshallah, in your group chats, put it into your Facebook Messenger chats, your whatsapp telegram now and make sure that you spread the love insha Allah so that others can also benefit from this topic. I feel like there's not enough celebration about romance and love in a halal manner in Islam. So we want to encourage that increase that in the community as well. I see someone coming in from Nigeria, masha Allah, another person in the UK

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London physical affair UK people always staying up late. Last session was at 10pm This is 9pm British Standard Time does that filter for making time for us? Someone else coming in manera from Nigeria? Just take a look here for joining. I think it's about the same time in Nigeria right now. Bangladesh in the house. Where are the Canadians? I need to know where are the Canadians? I see some Americans I see some people in the UK I need so actually sorry llama llama is a Canadian. But do let's let's get some representation going share it so that we see more of you guys. Tanya coming in from LA. Is that coming in from Netherlands does ACULA fair and welcome. Welcome. Welcome to today's

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live webinar. Now, as I've mentioned before, these webinars and this entire series is sponsored by the flick of love, which is an amazing online course that has been brought to the community by a mug of Institute, we're super excited to bring it to you guys in an online format. This has been one of our most famous on site courses for a couple of decades now. And how much of what he has been teaching it, perfecting it, finalizing it and it is now 20 hours of content 100 lessons all on the right decisions to make it every step of your journey. When it comes to finding love when it comes to finding a partner for life. Whether you're in the very early stages, whether you're just thinking

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about it, preparing yourself trying to find the right person trying to do the right thing and engagement and marriage situations and then starting to build a life together. And then whether you're you know, a middle aged couple of going, having established a long term marriage and trying to keep it healthy, trying to keep it alive, whether you're someone struggling with divorce, whether you're widow, etc. We cover all facets of this kind of experience. And in Humboldt, we've had so many of you guys join us. But today we wanted to give you guys an open session give you a chance to interact with Jeff will lead ask questions at the end of this session as well. And I don't want to

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take any more time away I see people more people coming in from the UK still no more Canadians, but Nigeria and UK are representing very heavy industry in Kurdistan as well. Welcome to all of you to Zack alafair. And without further ado, I want to bring on Sherif Ali Abbas uni or vice president and I'm able to sit down one on one with Russia. How are you doing today when it comes to them or I'm going to lie about a character on an asylum and an asylum. Welcome Welcome to fuck off love and finally I am so eager to go lie on this class actually, I've been waiting for the opportunity to meet you guys online I've been watching the people who are just in the class and telegram chat and

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get to know some of the brothers and sisters who register for the class their feedback their expectations and I'm glad that we're able to share with you guys these sessions and I'm very grateful thankful to Allah subhanaw taala first and foremost for making this possible to be connected to so many beautiful beautiful people from around the world from Nigeria to Netherland to Kurdistan to one person from Canada and

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to okay and La you know to Houston to Calgary, okay?

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I can't Calgary mashallah um but then I Masha Allah anyway equal to seven,

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Ireland Masha Allah and this is my first time to have a student from Kurdistan. Usually

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I have some students from Kurdistan long time ago, Florida from Florida to La that's incredible. Yeah now Masha Allah, this is a great blessings from Allah Subhana Allah to make us able to connect this way and to share the layer on the knowledge and experience that we have in relation to a very important topic talking about marriage.

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And I would like also to extend my thanks to all of us to our sister, sister house and Xalapa for being

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leading for CNE and making this happen. And all the people who are behind the scene, and I'll absolutely my thanks and my love and my appreciation to my colleague and my best friend, Chef abour Issa and Matala design Lawhead for the wonderful webinar that he gave

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right before this one

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a few days back. And if you missed that webinar, I highly recommend you to listen to it. You know,

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when they talk to me about middle middle life crisis or midlife crisis, I said that's a boy Isa, you know, not because he has been like crisis now because that's that's where he can be really, you know, these real things and he doesn't he just give it the way it does. very raw, very organic, very pure. Mashallah, at Zola here, you know,

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for me, midlife crisis is the one that appeared in your middle, you know?

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Anyway, so let's go back to the topic.

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Today I would like to explore with you

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a little bit about history, a, explore the life, the personal life of people, inside their homes, in their relationship with their spouses and how marital relationship was in the lives of people who we

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love, respect, consider role model for us, so we can learn from them. And, you know, it is so easy to fight for one's principles, and then to live up to them. It's easy to have good principles in life. But what's really hard is to love is to live up to these principles. Many people claim a great principle, but their reality is far away from these principles that they claim that they believe in. And the best way is to find out that those people really live up to these principles or not are by looking at their life their relationships, especially with their family. That's why the Prophet sallallahu sallam said don't show me in the Senate to me the and other don't show me any your good

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manners, okay? Here and just display them in public and the mustard only or that's that's not what gonna make us judge you as a good person. He sets off some in the mouth era company, our company and the best among you when it comes to mannerisms are those who are the best of their family. Because at your home, the real you comes out how you are who you are, who you really are. Nobody is perfect. You know, I understand that. But these principles if you really an honest person if you're a truthful person if you're a decent person, if you are generous person if you are respectful person, if you are trustworthy person that will appear first and foremost in your house before it appear.

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Republic if you're a happy person, you will see that at your home before you will see it out side and that's why in the Bissell Allah ARIA sometimes life and Sierra it was well documented and that's why the process I'm also one of the reason that Alana said he married multiple woman and these women that were witnesses over his life, Salah Salem, telling us about how great he was ALLAH is Allah and I can start talking about the life of some great individuals that we see there live as a role model for us. Without starting with the Prophets Allah Allah Allah Allah it was sometimes life and comment on his lifestyle a lot of selling because that were the role model and in the visa Salam is a role

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model for us as a husband as he was a role model for us as an imam in the Salah as an imam as the one who making Hajj the one who practicing the religion, his role model in all aspects look at Canada computer so the law also has an emphasis on a role model for you a good model to copy and to follow and as it will pay you a

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Ben Tamia Rahim Allah says it is sad that you see people trying to copy the prophets of Allah and to follow the way of the prophets of salaam when it comes to Salah and Hajj and a Baghdad and but they don't follow him when it comes to acleda Believe, how to view God how to understand faith, and also in salute in behavior and the area for spirituality. And I'll say today, unfortunately, people start seeking guidance from other than the prophets of Allah sometimes live when it comes to relationships, especially with your family, we start looking into movies, soap operas, literature's poetry's, you know, and all these things can help, you know, counselors,

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books, psychology, books, written and human psychology, all these are excellent, no problem. But what is shame is that you have also an excellent role model for you, right there in front of you, and you don't benefit from it. You know, and you don't follow well, how you will head the head you Mohamed Salah Salem, the best of guidance, the best way to live your life. That's what heavy that's what Surrender means the way to live your life is had you Rasulillah Salam is that heavy the way of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa it was.

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And before I start, we're sharing some of these examples.

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In the next 25 minutes or so, I want us to think about the nature of the relationship between the husband and wife. Because I do believe recognizing this nature of the relationship, the nature of this relationship,

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of this app of this contract of this connection between you and your wife, it will affect the way you live your life and the way you deal with your spouse. And so many times we forget about that we kind of you know, we forget what is what connects us together. Allah subhanaw taala says and this is an amazing verse, Allah says in the Quran

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what can you further who now who have barbell buku? In about what? 100 nomming Misa Conradie? Yes, Anna, and certainly SAP, Allah Subhana Allah Allah said, and how could you take it back and in the dowry after having enjoying each other in timidly and she has taken from you a firm commitment.

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A firm commit commitment means that unbeliever

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or you can say,

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solemn covenant

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mythique and Kalibo

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It's so firm, it is so strong, it is so strong.

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And this this phrase meetapp and reliever solemn covenant or affirm commitment came in the Quran three times. One of them to define the relationship between the husband and wife and the second one is sort of zap Allah Subhan Allah said what in a hug Nam Yunnan been me. Morning go I mean, you were able Oh, he email a moose. He so the model yum. Wow. in need, can volley war LEUs Assad you've been so they'll carry him

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during coffee in the oven.

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We did take a song covenant from all of them who the prophets of Allah mentioned. And remember when we took covenant from the Prophets, as well as from you?

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Yeah, Muhammad from new Ibrahim were Musa were isa Who are these? These are all azmin Rasul Muhammad and Abreu and Ibrahim and Musa and Isa, they are the

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the messengers of the strongest Well,

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the top of the messengers, Allah I've taken from them meetapp And Khalifa Assam covenant

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to do what? So the relationship between them and Allah and that covenant, and that promise was really very firm, that they will deliver the message and they will be patient with it and they will will fulfill their obligation towards Allah and so forth.

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And the third one

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for the children of Israel. Allah said, what I found out

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Coco Robbie made it in

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Jeddah, hakuna hula, do sub, or 100 Min room,

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volleyball, we have taken a firm covenant from the Children of Israel, this time, you're not going to break your promise, this time, after all the incident knowing the history, but it's right with Musa alayhis salam. And after Allah saved him from Brown, and all the things that happened in the desert, okay, and now the time they go into the Jerusalem and to enter the land of Palestine, you know, Allah took a covenant from them. And that covenant was relieved.

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So can you imagine that this is the type of

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promise that means to each others, between you and your spouse.

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Why? Because when you marry someone,

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you don't just ask for her hand.

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You basically taking over her heart.

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And when a woman has giving you her heart, you can never any good trait of the rest of her.

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100 She gave me a heart she gave me everything.

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And the moment the man, you know, just marrying the man, you basically became his partner part of everything. You're not just meeting someone that you can live with. Now the relationship is become someone I can't live without someone that I call Zote pair.

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Someone that I can call partners, Sherry shriek

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understanding that the nature of the relationship, it really explained to us some of these beautiful stories and I want to tell you, these stories and the life of the scholars or the prophets of salaam, the Sahaba the companion not necessarily to be all, you know, in a perfect mood perfect. No, I shall the Alana, she said what kind of masala module Marie Janica he's, he's a man like any other man. So a lot of Salah, and another word, he's like any men, he would like any human being kind of Bashar Bashar, he was like a human being. So there is a time for him to be tired, not in a mood to talk, maybe he might sometimes get angry sometimes, you know, happy, you know, like, normal thing.

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That's why she said sometimes we fight and we don't talk to each other.

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Well, the Allahu Anhu out of ah.

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So here, no doubt, exploring and spending more time talking about the prophets of salaam because that's the role model for us. Some Allah who already said we can learn from others as well. But one of the thing that stands out for me so clear about the prophets of Psalms, live with his wife, that his love is so recognize that he loved his family, he loved his wife, they he expressed that in every way you can think of

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verbally by by saying it and not only to her to people, you know what the color of the alarm for example, the color heavy but Rasulillah the love of Bahamas Asana, he said about Khadija in new reject to her BA I have been giving her love.

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I love her

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salatu salam about Khadija.

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And, you know, even when he was asked by one of the companions, you know, I'm going to ask him, Yasuda Allah, you know, who do you love the most? He said Artesia,

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then who he said her father, even at this point, he doesn't want to Yanni

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make her not part of the conversation.

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Kick her father, he's still hanging on her name. He still wanted her to be part of the conversation will be a lot more on how Ottawa

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he showed that I just said he used to help at home. I always read this hadith and I'm always like, asking myself helping at home.

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I mean, I ashes houses what?

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It's like it few meters.

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Yeah, the width of it and another 12 meters, maybe 12 meters by two by seven or six, something like that.

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It's very small.

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It's a tiny house. It's a tiny house, the whole entire house. It's like 20 feet maybe by 12 or something like that.

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It's like a big room.

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Have two debt. That's her house. And guess what? For three months he doesn't have any food to cook. What helping helping would work. Almost said I walked through the process sometimes has I couldn't find anything to see that I can look at. I'm like wow this is like something no furniture is nothing. So what what kind of helps you need

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but it never was about the help. It's never was about the need of help or lending hand. It's about showing the love in actions.

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He will help her you will do short with him. He will do this act of service Allah Allah Allahu alayhi wa sallam.

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When we sell him It tells us that he used to kiss

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his wife before he leaves to go to the masjid. How many times he goes to the masjid five times a day.

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Even if it doesn't happen every time but you know he would kiss his wife and then he will leave to the message zasada showing that companion Dakota actually Alana because he had mentioned the tone thing when he wants to go to sleep, he take his shirt off. So his skin will touch issues or his wife skin

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nothing today no mashallah you have your own blanket and you have your pajamas and you have your robe and you have you know, on your like there is a pillow in the middle.

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But he does that because that physical touch means something.

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In Nabi SallAllahu Sallam he sees Sofia when her camel broke down, she was worried she's not going to continue the journey. She was crying in tears.

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That in Ephesus alone comes Kapha do more I have EBD you wipe her tears with his hand

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and impress her giving him the assurance.

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Give them nicknames, all these ways of showing his love to the prophets of Allah to them.

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You know, when the Prophet sallallahu Sallam

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one of the beautiful incidents in his life Salah Salem, the story behind the sort of terrain Yeah, you hadn't been Ulema to help him handle hola hola.

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Oh, Prophet, why do you make haram upon yourself? What Allah have made halal,

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your own role model, you cannot just say, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to eat that or this is forbidden me to do, because if he did that, so some people will take that as

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a form of legislation. He can do that. But why did he do that? Anyway? Why? What did he do? in Ibiza Salam said, Well lie, I'm not going to eat honey anymore. Or he said I will not eat honey. It's forbidden for me to eat honey anymore. Honey, we know the person loves honey.

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We know that honey is a blessed

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food and mentioned in the Quran. And it's a healing. Why would the person do that? Because in the bisol Salam used to go to Zeynep and zeyneb Radi Allahu Ana. She is a woman who used to work and to make money by making things and selling them like some antiques and stuff like that. Also, you see here the person marry a woman who works and she makes money

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so she wouldn't have money she buy honey, and it's expensive. She buys this because she knows the person loves it. The other wives don't have that so they felt jealous. So actually I made this plot where with help slot and others when the person comes from Sofia and come to your place tell him what's the smell smell like? Like a bad breath in a did you eat something or drink something back at zams house? No, just honey

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small back then actually did said the same thing. The process of them was he said Wallahi I will not drink that again.

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Why he give up something that he loves just because this is bothered his wives

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because the smaller

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if somebody cared that much

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about how his breath smell

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what that tells us

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when I know that my husband this is something that bothered him

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Oh my wife this is something that it will bother her

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oh, let's just herself that's who I am.

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No, that's how that wasn't how that process arms reaction

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you know,

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one of the great things about the profits of

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Tell him that he was a considerate person. And all the stories that you hear. They're very considerate.

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They think about the other other people's feelings.

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Sometimes in marital relationship, we forget, we forget about the feelings. We focus on the issues. But we don't focus on the feelings that are attached to the issues, or around the issues. If I hurt somebody,

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I think about, you know, just the solution, okay, let's do this. Yeah, but that's not the only thing. It's just let's do that, or do this or change that or hire or buy this or sell that or move to this place. Now, there is also feelings attached to these incidents and conflicts and distance. And these things if we let if we ignore it, it will grow and it will control and we became triggers. And we will control our behavior in the future and maybe so, so much so careful about that.

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About he's very considerate. He says, I understand how she feels. When the Prophet SAW Salem was traveling once an eye Asha lost her necklace.

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He didn't just move and go. No. in Ibiza Salam have looked the whole caravan to wait

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until they look for and start looking at searching for her necklace. Whereas it

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it means something to her, it means something to me.

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If your spouse thinks something important, it is important and that's something I talked about in one of the things that when it comes to marriage best practices.

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And he stopped the whole caravan. And by the way, you a lot of people don't know that it happened twice. Not Not one time.

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And that was a necklace that given to her by her mother.

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That means something to her

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you know,

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when he heard a rumor,

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kind of whisper about Sofia his wife. And you know Sophia she is she used to be a Jew, converted to Islam. Her father was a Jew, one of the Jewish leaders

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and simply the Jew woman, the Jewish, you know, kind of saying things this is not probably

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she was feeling bad feeling down.

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An individual someone came to her. And he said don't worry. The jealous of you. None of them like you.

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They're right. They were saying that you're not like us. We are Arabs with this. We're not Jews, you know, are pure Arab families. He said, none of them like you.

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You are the daughter of

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your grand grandfather is a prophet Musa and your great grand uncle who is a prophet.

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You descend from children, Israel is filled with prophets and messengers. There is no one else has this many messengers. No tribe can claim that

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no one descend from such great heritage like you. And guess what? You married to a prophet.

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The best woman can have an operation or she's marital problems, but you cannot claim that her great father uncle and all them are prophets like you.

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She was so happy

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here to just say don't listen to this silly stuff.

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Now

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in the Bissell allah sallallahu sallam

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was a gentle man.

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And there's many stories to show how gentle he was.

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For instance, he will not cut his wife off when she's talking.

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Even if she talks a lot.

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Even if she kept going.

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He will just listen.

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And when we read in Sahih Bukhari Babish Ratan Nisa, how to live with your family with goodness? You'll see that he mentioned the Harry the story from zero which is long had the story of 11 Woman gather and start talking about their husbands and what happened to them and what's their husbands doing and all this kind of stuff. I mean, the prophets of salaam have a time for that. But he was listening tentatively, and he was engaged in the conversation without age.

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And in this webinar, I can't go into the details, but there is a lot of these things I mentioned in details on my course and in other lectures. The whole point is to raise a

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awareness

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body from South Africa

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Asha, I'm glad that you joined to

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to what I'm what we're saying is that

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well, I don't know if it's just remind I think we may have lost Schiff. Just briefly there. Let me just make sure that if you guys can let us know in the audience, if you can see me and hear me I think we just lost you briefly but ale I'm sure he'll reconnect very quickly. So just check with your for your patients. And I think I see you coming back shift, let us know when you can hear us and see us again. As we're waiting, please feel free to submit your questions that you have for sure. What do you do on the fifth of love and on the topics in the stories that we've covered today? And inshallah we'll cover them near the end of this session and challenges Accola fair to everyone

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who's letting me know that you can see me, it looks like you guys can't see the shift in sha Allah. We'll be back with him in just a minute. I see that he's still trying to get back into the session in sha Allah. So does that look fair for bearing with us? The Thick of love the course that this entire experience is based on is the most beautiful experience that covers I know, Chef, Walid Masha Allah is a romantic in a way that he describes in the way that he shows and he shares his story. So if you want to hear more of that, if you want to hear more stories and definitely hear more guidance from Him, I highly recommend you check out the link in the description and inshallah register for

00:31:35--> 00:31:55

the course it's only available for a short period of time. And we are starting the live q&a sessions for this for the the the course itself next week. So you do not want to miss out, you want to be able to access some of the content beforehand. It is available for lifetime access. So you don't have to worry about going through the entire course if it's not a good time for you. But I see the chef is back with us and I'm like welcome.

00:31:57--> 00:32:02

Thank you I want to speak with the little title saying presenting doctor will you miss uni and structure of VP?

00:32:04--> 00:32:08

Does that look out for coming back with a shift? I'll let you continue where you work. Okay.

00:32:09--> 00:32:17

So what I was saying earlier be sort of lower value it was Salam is a very is a gentleman Salallahu Alaihe Salam once

00:32:18--> 00:32:29

when he married Sophia, and she want to ride her camel. The Prophet SAW Asana put his heel goes down and let her put her feet on his thigh.

00:32:30--> 00:32:34

Then she arrived the camera to help her.

00:32:35--> 00:32:47

In our modern days today, it's like you go and you pull the chair back. Tell me I asked you. How many of you guys pull the chair back to his wife before she sit down the rest?

00:32:49--> 00:32:51

I mean, how many of you your husband do that?

00:32:53--> 00:33:00

Yeah, how many of you guys before they get into the car and go and open the door for his wife? I'm just gonna tell you it's not much. Okay?

00:33:02--> 00:33:10

I'm guilty of that. Sometimes. You know, they say when you see someone open the door for his wife to get into the car. You know,

00:33:11--> 00:33:16

the wives new or the car is new. You know? The two but anyway.

00:33:18--> 00:33:23

Nice. I do 60% I love you have been awesome. How long you've been married

00:33:26--> 00:34:00

but keep it up. You know? But these little things she was how gentle manual? How gentle woman you are. Nice, sir. I love it. Tell your husband that I'm proud of him. But it's not 13 years congratulation. That's that's the type of of husbands and wives we want. Okay, so even if he doesn't it doesn't mean that he's not a good husband. Just don't misunderstand me. But these little things you might do other things like for example, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam

00:34:01--> 00:34:09

Isha while she how gentle woman she is and how gentleman here she will he will drink salsa lamb.

00:34:11--> 00:34:17

Actually, I need a drink. So I made up this example. So he drink from here. That's right.

00:34:19--> 00:34:27

Then the person would give her the cup. She will turn the cup to the same exact spot and she will drink from the same spot.

00:34:30--> 00:34:35

How romantic business but also choose how gentle woman she had. How nice she has

00:34:36--> 00:34:38

these little things makes a difference.

00:34:40--> 00:34:44

He was invited to eat at somebody and that person known to make good

00:34:46--> 00:34:51

food and cook the meat in a special way. And he said I'll bring my wife with me.

00:34:54--> 00:34:59

That's all about how attach here. He feels the disconnection so strong.

00:35:00--> 00:35:00

Oh,

00:35:01--> 00:35:05

he said no, I don't know if white woman to my house said I'm not coming

00:35:08--> 00:35:20

many times I remember this study, okay? When I get invited to very nice hotels are like, where food or you know,

00:35:21--> 00:35:30

it's so interesting that you think about her, I wish that she's with me eating with me now. Or you know what, let's go try this together

00:35:33--> 00:35:38

in Ibiza Salam and when you look at his life is so faithful,

00:35:40--> 00:35:41

very faithful

00:35:43--> 00:35:52

and he and years after her deja he will not allow anyone anyone to say a single words about her, which is not appropriate.

00:35:53--> 00:35:57

Even actually she said something or not. But he was so angry

00:35:58--> 00:36:03

and very firm in the way he would have prevented her. I actually said for a whole month

00:36:05--> 00:36:12

he was not happy with me with what I said. And I said, Well, Leia will never mentioned her again, ever in my life.

00:36:14--> 00:36:31

When one person just made a gesture about one of his wife, their opposite, that she's kind of shorter, you know, he was mad, he said, this word that you said about her. Just she didn't even say a word she did like this short woman and how

00:36:32--> 00:36:33

to short for you.

00:36:35--> 00:36:47

And she made a gesture of the hand, the process almost English, this thing that you said this thing what he did, if you mix it with the ocean, it will turn it will corrupt the ocean. That's how long this Reba

00:36:52--> 00:37:01

so how can you allow your parents say all these bad things about your wife, or your husband, or your brothers or your sisters or your friends?

00:37:03--> 00:37:05

Talk about your husband and you just

00:37:07--> 00:37:31

either Okay, or even if even if, if he is not a good person, I will not allow that. Being faithful. This is me Celkon Ali, the affirm covenant that has the scholars had a problem between him and his wife. So they told him he said she's my wife, we can talk bad about her. We didn't divorce her, they asked him, he said, now she's my sister in the snap, I cannot talk about her.

00:37:34--> 00:37:56

That's a good advice and fellated outset is to give your wife give your daughter to someone who feels a lot. Because if he keeps her, he will fear Allah and treat her well. And if you divorce her or the marriage comes on, and he will still fear Allah, and he will be good to her. Because this didn't change.

00:38:02--> 00:38:08

They will add the Dean had a problem. Let's explore more stories. had a problem once with with his wife.

00:38:10--> 00:38:12

And things get so tense.

00:38:13--> 00:38:16

See, he loved her. He said you know what? Whatever.

00:38:18--> 00:38:21

I give you the right to divorce yourself if you want.

00:38:23--> 00:38:31

If you want to divorce yourself, go ahead and divorce yourself. I give you that right. But me, I don't want and I cannot I cannot force you to stay in the marriage.

00:38:32--> 00:38:38

So I give you the power to divorce yourself. She stayed for a little bit then she said

00:38:42--> 00:38:46

we'd been married for 20 years or 10 years for God right now.

00:38:48--> 00:38:54

And for 10 years, you have the power in your hand and you never used it. And now you give it to me

00:38:55--> 00:39:02

on I'm going to use it and abuse it. And just in 10 seconds or 10 minutes. No, I give it back to you I don't want

00:39:05--> 00:39:10

he understand that the connection is strong, the tie is strong.

00:39:12--> 00:39:20

And I think that what made people you know that would make people survive so many problems in marriages.

00:39:23--> 00:39:35

And the more I read about successful relationship, it is always comes back to those who fears a loss Fontana and watch the last one to two hours. And also the same times that they always feel that they are

00:39:37--> 00:39:41

in the same team in the same site. Me and my wife, me and my husband.

00:39:43--> 00:39:56

The moment we switch his in this side or on this side, the moment the marriage fell apart. But no matter how much problem we have, as long as we see the two on the same team, the same side. We can work it out

00:40:01--> 00:40:05

And, you know, being also faithful

00:40:06--> 00:40:20

that Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. As I said, in one of the most beautiful stories, I heard, something that Imam did. Josie Rahim Allah mentioned that the subcommittee MA in his

00:40:22--> 00:40:26

yard, he mentioned that one of the woman that early generation from tab in the successor,

00:40:27--> 00:40:35

she was actually got some food. They just collected barliz from the farm. Okay,

00:40:36--> 00:41:06

what kind of tasks and she was making bread and making doll to making bread. And in the old days, breads and food is commodities that it is equal to money. That's why when we used to buy something, they buy it with bread, they buy it with fruits, you know, with dates and stuff like that. So while she's making the dog to me to bake some some bread, I guess, in the house, she was told, she was told that her husband passed away.

00:41:08--> 00:41:09

She's not allowed in Italy.

00:41:13--> 00:41:14

And she said, Okay.

00:41:16--> 00:41:27

She told the kids now we cannot, or the servants and the people around her, Hey, save this doll, because we cannot use it.

00:41:28--> 00:41:30

Now we have partners in it.

00:41:31--> 00:41:36

Do you know what you mean by that? Since her husband passed away, that means that is inheritors.

00:41:37--> 00:41:58

That means he might have a father who will inherit he might have, you know, otherwise you're going to inherit children that not proud of her, or adult children. Whatever it is the case you said now we thought I have to make sure that I can't use this. Even just bird like you enter some bread. And another story he said oil

00:41:59--> 00:42:13

said that because it has a value. We have to make sure that everybody gets a share how faithful these are woman on when I'm out of disease he met it's probably my fault the man was his dream woman

00:42:15--> 00:42:23

and his sight. I had dreams in life one of my dream to married Falconer, the daughter of the rhythm dramatic.

00:42:25--> 00:42:27

Her father was the king, Maya king.

00:42:29--> 00:42:45

And he married her. And after he managed he told her so he became Khalifa. You can keep all this gold and all these things that your father gave you because I don't know if your father gives you this gold from halal or haram. You can keep it Islamically but I take the highest standard in life.

00:42:47--> 00:42:52

Then she took all the gold put it in a box and put it in the Muslims country.

00:42:55--> 00:43:02

After he died, her brother became the king. I don't he sold that gold and it's sealed like this is my sister's gold.

00:43:04--> 00:43:11

And he took that box at the chest where all this jewelry worth millions and millions.

00:43:13--> 00:43:18

And he brought it back to her. She said no. I would never live in my house. Take it out.

00:43:20--> 00:43:21

He said why then she told him what happened?

00:43:22--> 00:43:27

He said but he passed away. He didn't want this type of life for himself.

00:43:28--> 00:43:45

But not certainly you you know what she said? She said Malcolm to go to Yahoo Hey Yahoo so you Demeter. I'm not this kind of woman who will obey her husband while he's alive and fulfill his wish was alive. And he will go against his well after he dies

00:43:47--> 00:43:47

or after he died.

00:43:51--> 00:43:52

Take it out mouse.

00:43:55--> 00:43:58

You know, when you read, you know,

00:43:59--> 00:44:01

some of these like incredible

00:44:04--> 00:44:36

stories about the Sahaba and the relationship with the way how how they have this connection. And what this one I said well I think that saved marriages is there is a bigger goal in life. So many times we get caught into this dunya that our relationship is only about money and house and kids and education. But we forget that there is something even bigger than that. That I'm married my wife because she complete half of my Deen I married my husband because I complete half of my Deen by marrying my husband

00:44:37--> 00:44:50

and marrying him because that means us together. can walk faster to Allah can go farther in Jannah and higher internet together than being by myself.

00:44:52--> 00:44:55

Paul had been Obaidullah a rich man.

00:44:57--> 00:44:59

Very rich, and he became extremely rare.

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

Which, at one point of his life,

00:45:02--> 00:45:03

I need to give some.

00:45:05--> 00:45:15

One time he received money from hadramout, a trade that he did. And it was 700,000 Dirham.

00:45:17--> 00:45:24

If you transfer this to money today you talk about any something like equal to $20 million, something like that

00:45:26--> 00:45:27

as a lot of money

00:45:29--> 00:45:32

and at that night he, he couldn't go to sleep.

00:45:33--> 00:45:39

As if something stung him, then his wife said, What's wrong with you? You don't look normal. Are you what is it?

00:45:41--> 00:45:52

Then he said, I'm so worried. She said about why should I receive that amount of money? You know, worry about what a thief comes to take it.

00:45:53--> 00:45:55

What is going to do with it now?

00:45:57--> 00:46:02

His wife who consume Hussam consume, she's the daughter of a Bobo Abu Bakr. So Deb.

00:46:04--> 00:46:24

She said, What do you worry about? He said, I have all this money in my house. And I know that there are so many Muslims in citizen neighbors in some neighborhoods, and, and the relatives and friends distance ones are close. They don't have anything on they don't have much.

00:46:25--> 00:46:27

Since you said, Hey,

00:46:28--> 00:46:36

let's count who among your friends needs help. And your family of hard luck and our neighbors.

00:46:37--> 00:46:39

And after fajr,

00:46:40--> 00:46:47

both they start dividing this money that came from Panama. And they distributed most of it before the whole.

00:46:50--> 00:46:56

They said from year to beta Namaha. Ginoza. There's no house for no Mahajan. Yeah. And so unless they get something

00:47:01--> 00:47:03

that's the kind of relationship

00:47:04--> 00:47:17

work together. That's something beautiful about you and your spouse. Make sure that there is something you invest in the deen between you and your spouse. You work in maybe volunteering together in a masjid or

00:47:19--> 00:47:23

some social work that you do together.

00:47:25--> 00:47:28

I remember Imam Suraj well Hodge when his daughter got married,

00:47:29--> 00:47:33

you know what her motto was? Her honeymoon. Sorry.

00:47:34--> 00:47:45

Her honeymoon was her and her husband. They went and developed an orphanage in Africa, some African country. And they spent a month there helping and offering service.

00:47:49--> 00:47:51

She's in her father's footsteps.

00:47:55--> 00:48:02

I'm delighted Miss Ruth was married to a woman her name saying that and saying that she was very rich woman,

00:48:03--> 00:48:06

you know, and very rich as a woman.

00:48:08--> 00:48:46

And she used to give a lot of stuff. But guess what? Because at that time, Massoud was not working. And he has children from previous marriage. So she could give all her money, spend her money on her husband in her house, and she didn't have much money to give. So one time she heard the processor I'm saying, Yeah, I'm actually having this up to her Dubna. When I'm in full you can fit in your eye to connect a Latina woman, I encourage you to give church she came back to home soon. She said, You know what? I used to give money. And European who don't make much money. Have you for that Lillian, you didn't have much money.

00:48:48--> 00:48:55

I now have to spend most of my money on your children, and nothing left to give and shut in charity.

00:48:57--> 00:48:58

What should I do? What do you think?

00:49:00--> 00:49:05

Is the money that I spent on you and your children? Is charity

00:49:08--> 00:49:11

or it's not trying to give some outside?

00:49:13--> 00:49:18

Why didn't you ask the prophets or Salam then it'd be Miss route smart. He said no, you ask him.

00:49:21--> 00:49:27

So she said I took one of the women for cancer and went to the profit center. And we at the door

00:49:29--> 00:49:40

and I said to the person at the door. I have something I have a question for the processor. She said what kind of pseudo license alum but old Italian muhabba

00:49:41--> 00:49:50

the processor and you when you see him you have so much respect that you don't just dare to talk like the Sousa we I need a sister She's shy.

00:49:52--> 00:49:59

Then she said I was I was like, shy to speak to him directly. So beloved came out

00:50:00--> 00:50:06

And he, he said, What do you want? We have a question for the processor.

00:50:08--> 00:50:15

And we'll tell you the question you asked the processor. So we were scared to ask him directly, kinda.

00:50:16--> 00:50:32

This is a thought about charity can be given to husband and to His, to my husband's orphans. Because of the misery it has kids, their mom passed away. So is that considered charity sadaqa.

00:50:33--> 00:50:35

But please don't tell him who we are.

00:50:37--> 00:50:39

She doesn't want to embarrass her husband.

00:50:40--> 00:50:44

She doesn't embarrass herself because she knows Massoud close to the processor.

00:50:46--> 00:50:48

How thoughtful This is.

00:50:49--> 00:51:08

Sometimes sister comes to me to ask me about something questions, small questions about something. She told me the history of her husband from day one until today, Father hetero genscape. Like I get to know so much about his life. As many as I said, cause I don't need all these details.

00:51:12--> 00:51:18

Without insight, nice said yes, a lot. These two woman asking this question, the first one who they are.

00:51:20--> 00:51:25

I'd be that has to say he said, This is a woman from an unsolved and Zeynep.

00:51:26--> 00:51:30

Blonde smart. He can't lie he can say now.

00:51:32--> 00:51:38

So you could say and there are so many things. But in the meantime, Assistant, he said, I used to say Annie, would you say no.

00:51:39--> 00:51:47

He said I have to say, you know trying to please both sides. He said Zainab, the wife of our buttons wrote,

00:51:48--> 00:52:03

he said Tell her you have to reward the word of charity. And then the word of taking care of your, the closest person to you, which is your husband and his children and your Caravaggio.

00:52:10--> 00:52:17

So, this, you know, working together, it's interesting, you know, Hafsa, the process of his wife.

00:52:20--> 00:52:24

And I have, so I want to make a comment, this is I mentioned my she,

00:52:25--> 00:52:56

she'll let me finish the liner before she married to the process that she knows how to write. And she was a good writer. She knows how to write. And she was taught by a woman Her name is she thought that we, so maybe someone he married to have son. And he said, you know how to write and to read, and it is very few women have this talent. That time she said yes. And this woman taught me that he said, Call her and work with her. So she can teach you how to perfect your writing.

00:52:57--> 00:52:59

As she taught you how to write.

00:53:02--> 00:53:03

You know, when I read that

00:53:04--> 00:53:12

individual, Solomon himself was not a writer, he doesn't know how to write is that is that shame that my wife has more education than me

00:53:13--> 00:53:18

is not about things to empower my wife to finish her education and to learn and to

00:53:19--> 00:53:25

I shouldn't drag him along on sod that had never stopped them from learning the dean.

00:53:27--> 00:53:45

And I can just go on and under this mini mini example actually I had and that this lectures made me think about exploring this topic even more. You know, yes, we might not have a detailed information about families.

00:53:46--> 00:53:47

But we have a little bit

00:53:49--> 00:53:57

react. And that's to re emphasize what I said earlier about the issue of you and your spouse work together towards Allah

00:53:58--> 00:54:00

that bring you so close to each other.

00:54:02--> 00:54:04

Really, I've been Amarillo Pacey

00:54:06--> 00:54:15

married this woman and you want to test her, see how she is and she does think them do, how their relationship with Allah is.

00:54:17--> 00:54:18

When the night came,

00:54:20--> 00:54:27

she stopped praying in the early night. And he said okay, she pray in the beginning of that, and then she got sleep. After 1/4 of the night. She called

00:54:28--> 00:54:31

she jariya Why don't you stand up and pray with me?

00:54:34--> 00:54:57

Then he said, No, I'm tired. She prayed she trusted she prayed again. Then she woke up she'd come now to fourth of the night done half of the night. Said I'm still tired. Then at the last fourth of the night, she woke him up again. Let's pray something before the fencer comes. Sir, I'm not sure I'm tired and you're going to wake up Professor

00:54:59--> 00:54:59

thanks

00:55:00--> 00:55:01

He said Manmohan money big area

00:55:03--> 00:55:07

who deceived me and told me that you are a righteous avid worshiper.

00:55:09--> 00:55:13

But he told her later I don't just want to see what's your habit of prayer?

00:55:16--> 00:55:17

You know?

00:55:20--> 00:55:27

I heard about like, one of that, Mr. him Allah. He said in his first night,

00:55:29--> 00:55:37

you know, his wife told him that I want to read for you. So this may be too much for me. Hi, example, or Danny.

00:55:39--> 00:55:47

It's not a role model to copy but the idea to get to decide it for himself and battle, the whole sort of battle.

00:55:49--> 00:55:54

And actually, she wrote the term Jasmine sword and buckler came from her husband in the first day from their marriage.

00:55:55--> 00:55:57

Because these two men in the daytime

00:56:00--> 00:56:01

not like us in the nighttime.

00:56:03--> 00:56:03

The host was

00:56:06--> 00:56:23

you know, there is a great Imams named if not did hottie died 900 Hijiri 909 Here's a student to me. I find a book that you wrote or a thought about a book he wrote. And I saw reading a little bit in it.

00:56:25--> 00:56:31

It's interesting, it's called luck to symbol See, body boolpool.

00:56:34--> 00:56:38

Lock the symbol bar in purple. Talk about the

00:56:39--> 00:56:40

talk about bull bull.

00:56:41--> 00:56:47

Bull bull. Bull bull Elfo. It's a name of a bird. But I found that bull bull is the name of his life.

00:56:48--> 00:56:51

So he wrote a book about his wife

00:56:55--> 00:57:05

and he says in this book, she died with a plake. Let's say somebody like your wife or a spouse dying the COVID starting to write some journey about it. He did the same thing.

00:57:08--> 00:57:20

And since she died 883 He died 909 So you can say is he lived about 20 years or so 25 years after her showed up. He said I lived with her 10 years.

00:57:23--> 00:57:25

And he spoke a lot about about her.

00:57:27--> 00:57:32

Okay, I said choose a free woman to do whatever she wants. But she always loved to stay home with me.

00:57:34--> 00:57:41

And in this book, he talked about the bird boolpool And if there's any Hadith kames mentioned the word boolpool or not, and so forth.

00:57:42--> 00:57:44

It was very interesting actually to see that.

00:57:46--> 00:57:47

Then

00:57:48--> 00:57:56

I found out that isn't the only one who said up. Actually many scholars wrote biography about their own lives.

00:57:58--> 00:57:59

And about this fashion.

00:58:01--> 00:58:03

stuff wrong Sephora SFX raw.

00:58:05--> 00:58:08

She's the wife of the Denon a crazy

00:58:10--> 00:58:15

diet 845 On the same time, he lived in the same era and Timmy as well.

00:58:16--> 00:58:25

He wrote for her a pornography encouragement ion in his book about the pornography of the well known respected people of his time.

00:58:27--> 00:58:43

And he talked about his when he married her when they did the contract, the marriage the consummation of the marriage. How when he his first child was born, you know, like then he said that he divorced her

00:58:45--> 00:58:50

in such a such year, but he said I'm remarried her again.

00:58:51--> 00:59:27

And he said that I felt so upset that why after a fight that we get a fight then we divorce her. Then he said I was felt so bad. And even in my dream I sold this dream and I sold this person telling me that because of the so much love somebody have given you evil eye or something like give your husband and break your marriage asset and Mokona for locking Ohana the home for later the domino Marva Adela neoman come I couldn't. I wish that will go back to the way we are and I decided to do that. Then he went and he he said I

00:59:29--> 00:59:43

I couldn't imagine. Okay. Then I married her again. And we had a child together but she only lived two years after we married again. And she died or him are allowed to either.

00:59:44--> 00:59:59

Not she got sick sign. And when she got sick, I was so sick for her sickness I saw in his dream. You know like his crying over her over her body while she's six I know that she will die. And he said I woke up that morning and she said

01:00:00--> 01:00:00

I'd actually.

01:00:02--> 01:00:27

And he said, I used to make a stuffer for her so much every day. And that's the benefit of marrying a righteous person. He making stuff up for her all the time, every summer, in the middle of the night and the end of the night. And one time I saw her my dream. And I saw her in the same way I laid her and her and her and her Kevin, the costumes were running. The last time I saw her.

01:00:28--> 01:00:50

And I looked at her and I said, Are you dead? Or Muhammad? She said, Yes. Then he said, What I send you every night and every day. does it reach you? He means so far, but then he said, Yes. Every day your gifts reach me. Then she tried crying.

01:00:53--> 01:01:15

I said, Why are you crying sweetheart? She said, Because you know where I am at right now. I can pay you back. I can read gift, I can give you another gift in return. She was so nice in life. When he does something good to her. She makes something good to him return. He said no, I can't do this anymore because I'm in a different world.

01:01:17--> 01:01:23

And he told her Don't worry about that. Soon we will meet soon we'll be together.

01:01:26--> 01:01:36

He said she was young. But Will Allah He was the best woman that I've ever heard of ever known, ever met.

01:01:38--> 01:01:56

Even though in their marriages, they were a divorce and separations and remarried. Look. And she was trustworthy. She was so balanced. She was so mature Roseanne mer would go back to her Mithila no one can ever replace her.

01:02:01--> 01:02:07

And he said in the end May Allah gather me with her agenda. And forgive me and forgive her.

01:02:09--> 01:02:27

Any there's so many things. I can go on and on about how this woman with that with a map shin and that's a good point to end with. One thing I notice about the scholars and their spouses, the dish, they were supporting them

01:02:28--> 01:02:35

or the scholar supporting the woman who's a scholar. There is a level of support and complementing

01:02:36--> 01:02:49

and inspiring to grow together. Fabulous summer Candia. She used to refer to her when she married remember Cassandra himolla, he let her continue to get fatter and they write the clutter and they will sign it together.

01:02:52--> 01:03:08

And when he makes mistakes in his class, she used to correct him and tell him later on this is wrong. He used to send to ask what do you think and you will correct she was mastering the mentality of Abu Hanifa Rahim Allah and he wrote this beautiful book, but as

01:03:12--> 01:03:18

one judge and lotia His wife was more scholar than any scholars in their in their neighborhood.

01:03:21--> 01:03:26

And when he heard about her beauty and her her her manners, her her

01:03:27--> 01:03:34

knowledge he manager, you guys, if you read about him, he used to sit as the judge in the court

01:03:35--> 01:03:36

and he will bring

01:03:44--> 01:03:54

No, it looks like we may have lost the chef's audio really briefly. So give us one second Inshallah, just like last time, he will be back with us in just a minute. Here to those who believe he will be

01:03:56--> 01:04:00

in his court. I'd be like some room or usually if you do this in the master.

01:04:02--> 01:04:16

And when question comes and hard question comes and issues comes, you know, he will say hold on, and he leans and he looked at the door and he said what you think and she will tell Him and He will judge based on her recommendation.

01:04:18--> 01:04:47

That's why one of the scholars wrote to him, he said, below shutter all the loose soldier in lotia psicologia a judge who has a soldier, a wife, what camera film Bala Malviya fairly the Hollandia Concordian were a little copier. He said, I wish you know her ruling goes over people because you judge between people. I wish that he was not a judge and I wish she was the judge.

01:04:48--> 01:04:51

I'll call me also means that I need to destroy you.

01:04:53--> 01:05:00

And when the dead show has his wife she brought it give me the paper on a strong woman gave me

01:05:00--> 01:05:09

The paper she wrote on the papers, another two lines in the same line, the same exactly way format of the first one.

01:05:11--> 01:05:13

Then, you know,

01:05:14--> 01:05:25

who actually Han Shan Ruben? Ruben asked him, Can Linda Illa maintain his family? Inasa if you don't stop, I will put you in jail for insulting the judge.

01:05:26--> 01:05:27

Anyway

01:05:31--> 01:05:41

I will end here I'll stop here because there's so many, so much to be said about the scholars for him. I would love to hear that. But

01:05:43--> 01:05:43

only

01:05:44--> 01:06:01

there are so many great people that we are in so much debt to their knowledge to their contributions. Luckily Imam Shafi Rahim Allah like Imam Robbie, Robbie, he had he is the one who taught Malik

01:06:03--> 01:06:05

and even Matic himself. Okay?

01:06:07--> 01:06:16

Amendment Rosario, Hema Allah, those people have contributed so much to the deen. Do you know what those people what the common factor between these individuals and others,

01:06:17--> 01:06:22

they were raised by a single mother who their husbands died.

01:06:24--> 01:06:26

And that's something I talk about in my class.

01:06:27--> 01:06:28

The single mom

01:06:29--> 01:06:46

they were taught the first lesson by their mothers took good care of them, raised them, taught them took them to this teachers miss school, as we say today, work so hard if you're 30 as well. So if you're sorry, my mind my mom used to work.

01:06:47--> 01:06:52

Work hard to support me financially. Shafi, the same thing, Malik the same thing.

01:06:55--> 01:07:03

Give beautiful advice. Go study with Robbie Maddox mom said and learn from his other before his knowledge.

01:07:06--> 01:07:11

Probably his father disappeared 30 years

01:07:12--> 01:07:17

30 years he was taken in a war. And he thought he's dead. And after 30 years, he came back.

01:07:19--> 01:07:24

And after he saw this young man, his house, his wife was pregnant.

01:07:25--> 01:07:37

And he thought his wife marry someone else and conflict and that the son saw this man coming inside the house where his mom is. And they stopped like about to fight but like, and mom said no, no, no, this is your father.

01:07:39--> 01:07:54

And after things settle down, like usually happen. The husband said, Hey, by the way, when I left, I left with you. About 30,000 pieces of gold. What happened to the money? What did you do with the money?

01:07:57--> 01:08:02

Did you still have any events or spin all around what happened? So I'll tell you what happened.

01:08:04--> 01:08:08

To stick an apple tell you she took him to the mystery of the sort of loss of Allah syndrome.

01:08:10--> 01:08:18

And he saw this huge gathering among the students of him and magic Rahimullah and other great scholars.

01:08:19--> 01:08:21

Okay, and

01:08:25--> 01:08:28

waiting on all the sudden this young man comes.

01:08:30--> 01:08:30

He's 30

01:08:32--> 01:08:33

and walk and sit on the chair.

01:08:35--> 01:08:38

And everybody with the book listening to him learning from him.

01:08:39--> 01:08:45

He looked carefully is the same man that he saw in his house. That was his son, that was Obeah.

01:08:49--> 01:08:52

And she told her husband that

01:08:54--> 01:08:55

what do you think

01:08:56--> 01:08:58

is the best the best way to invest your money?

01:09:02--> 01:09:06

May Allah subhanaw taala give us marital relationship that

01:09:08--> 01:09:12

help us to set our priorities straight,

01:09:13--> 01:09:17

to come closer to each other so we can close it together to allow us

01:09:18--> 01:09:26

to inspire us to move forward towards Allah subhanaw taala while we are so close with our spouse,

01:09:27--> 01:09:29

now the best thing is having a spouse

01:09:30--> 01:09:32

it helps you to go farther

01:09:34--> 01:09:38

very far than what you ever can do on your own or by yourself.

01:09:39--> 01:09:45

I say sometimes yes, I agree. Sometimes when you're on your own, you can go faster.

01:09:46--> 01:09:48

But when you have your spouse you can go for it.

01:09:49--> 01:09:51

If that's possible suicide

01:09:53--> 01:09:53

Thank you very much.

01:09:56--> 01:09:59

Thank you so much for these beautiful stories and dense material

01:10:00--> 01:10:00

So

01:10:02--> 01:10:05

can you guys hear me I think you should be looking for me right now shift, can you?

01:10:07--> 01:10:07

Let's, let's see

01:10:09--> 01:10:15

if there's any issues with the audio on my side, it looks like it's clear. And it's showing you how for audio there. Yeah. Can you hear me?

01:10:16--> 01:10:19

One second you guys let us know and y'all can hear me.

01:10:21--> 01:10:23

But you need to be able to hear me shift. So let's see

01:10:25--> 01:10:28

if there's anything that we can switch up

01:10:31--> 01:11:08

volume, I'm just messaging the check so that he can possibly see it on the screen there in sha Allah. This entire experience this session was of course sponsored by the course fic a love on unlocker dot online, I do highly encourage if you guys benefited from some of this, I know chef has a magic a style of teaching and I'm sharing stories, mashallah with us. That is unforgettable. And it completely changes your perspective as a listener. So if you've benefited from it, I highly encourage you guys check out thick of love and register on a moto dot online, there's very little time left to do so. And there's so much content to go through. So if you want to be able to benefit

01:11:08--> 01:11:15

be one of those first few students where it was asked questions in the live q&a session. The links are there again on in the in the chat and I see them

01:11:16--> 01:11:51

do well on these two. So enjoy. Look forward to seeing you guys in the class. There was an amazing question submitted in this session. So as the shortcuts actually with the audio, Paula will take some of those questions from you guys. We've saved some of them that were submitted earlier on in the live session. You're welcome to repost them in case you're worried. They may have been missed in sha Allah, and the chef is just rejoining so that he can answer some of those questions for you guys inshallah data. Yes, as mentioned is 20 plus hours of content. I had some people were asking, Is this going to be relevant for someone who's divorced or who's widowed? Or who's you bitter about

01:11:51--> 01:12:27

marriage? It's honestly, it's meant to be thorough the reason why we have so much content, it's about marriage, a tizzy making the right decisions at every stage of that process. And there's a lot of focus a lot of content that's focused on how to build a healthy relationship, how to have healthy expectations, how to improve communication with intimate with the marriage. And the best thing I like about the amount of online classes, especially classes which shift believe is the fact that the ship is so generous with his time when answering questions. By far it's such a kind of beneficial experience just to be in the live q&a sessions or just to be able to ask all the questions to your

01:12:27--> 01:13:01

heart's content with Jeff when he because he does not stop until everyone gets their answers. And he is the only instructor who is actively always engaging with his students in private telegram groups with us. We always have telegram groups and communities for every class that we have a formal group online but shift believe actually joins a group interacts with you their answers questions after the class is over. So it's truly a lifetime benefit to be able to join another online course with him. And especially on this topic, because I'm sure challenges and things will come up in later stages of your life. And you're going to want to have that I see ship has rejoined us. Let me see if can you

01:13:01--> 01:13:01

hear us?

01:13:03--> 01:13:37

Oh, no, no, I can't hear you. Oh, now you can I guess we've sorted it. All right. Does that go looking for rejoining? So Schiff, there were a lot of really amazing questions that were submitted. Of course, there's so many challenges that come with people, you know, with around the topic of marriage. So I want to jump right into a few of them. People you guys can everyone in the chat can continue to keep submitting them on Facebook on YouTube. And we'll take as many as we can. And the next 10 or so minutes will take it down to the half hour chart from my man my boy, my my man, I'll shut from Houston, Texas. I love you too, man. Thank you for being on.

01:13:39--> 01:14:00

Chat and on the course awesomesauce. All right this minute. So shift. Are you ready? Are you ready for the questions? Alrighty, let's get started. So Bismillah, I saw some great ones that were submitted that we saved a little earlier. So one person was asking, What about a couple when there is no communication, the husband only communicates through texts and they never He never talks about the main issues that is affecting the marriage.

01:14:03--> 01:14:06

I will advise highlight that communication makes it or break it

01:14:08--> 01:14:19

in any relationship. So what that means we only text message and message each other. But I'll tell you sometimes there is people are good at writing, not in talking.

01:14:20--> 01:14:24

Okay, and some people are good and talking not good and writing.

01:14:25--> 01:14:35

So make sure that you see what methods that fits in communication better. So sometimes you can write what you want to spell.

01:14:36--> 01:14:51

You know, sometimes the writing can make you think a little bit more before you say what you're saying. But if there is a cut, end, there's no connection between you and your spouse. In this case, I will recommend that you find a third party to make it happen.

01:14:53--> 01:14:59

Where you guys communicate like mediator or marriage counselor, you know

01:15:00--> 01:15:08

One other thing that you will see in this class, we talked about a lot marriage counseling. And one of the big mistake people and I have a lot of marriage counselors.

01:15:11--> 01:15:21

I invited to give their feedback and love and one of my partner in this course. So social bond, who's a licensed therapists actually do a lot of counseling.

01:15:23--> 01:15:28

One of the common thing that everyone's saying and the CrashPlan as well and others.

01:15:30--> 01:15:37

The said, just don't wait until the last minute to work or to see a marriage counselor. You know,

01:15:39--> 01:15:51

and don't wait until it's just a check, Mark, I did a marriage counseling, no, make sure that you invest in marriage counseling before things reach to the end, before one foot and one foot up.

01:15:52--> 01:15:53

Okay.

01:15:54--> 01:16:04

And that is something I learned as an imam dealing with all these things. If you think marriage, counseling is expensive, I'm trying divorce.

01:16:06--> 01:16:18

Fair enough. All right, the next question and this is an important one because I feel like Schiff, a lot of people are getting very disillusioned, very dated about marriage. So next question is what do you say to people who say they give up on marriage?

01:16:19--> 01:16:26

Give up on your marriage, no on marriage or the on the concept of marriage, they a single person who just gives up on looking for someone.

01:16:27--> 01:16:54

Okay. I mean, why there's, this is something I talk a lot about in the course as well. Marriage is good for you. manage this is the way of life it's a natural, it's the fifth Allah, Allah subhanaw taala create Adam, and he created for him immediately his partner, his spouse, Zote, even when he was in Jannah can imagine you have everything agenda you want, yet you still need the spouse. There's nobody stay single agenda.

01:16:56--> 01:17:02

And you need this spouses is just, you know, the other half of youth, your soulmate.

01:17:03--> 01:17:05

Marry something so beautiful.

01:17:06--> 01:17:12

Somebody that you know, you spend the rest of your life with somebody inspire you to grow.

01:17:14--> 01:17:18

Your marriage is in the process. This is my son.

01:17:19--> 01:17:22

And whoever leave my son will be but won't be deviated.

01:17:24--> 01:17:30

Allah said that you have not sinned messenger or prophet before Muhammad so solid unless they have families and children

01:17:32--> 01:17:34

in general, recite Psalms an exception.

01:17:36--> 01:17:40

But some schools that even isa when he comes back down to earth, later on, he will marry

01:17:41--> 01:17:42

then you have family.

01:17:43--> 01:17:59

Because the sooner to light and all in that. If you don't get married, for whatever reason you tried didn't work out. I'm 5% you give up in marriage because you try and you're trying that is not working. Some people never get married. It's Paola no proposal or bad proposal.

01:18:00--> 01:18:03

I'm telling you don't ever settle for somebody who's bad.

01:18:04--> 01:18:07

But don't be too picky in your in your

01:18:09--> 01:18:28

conditions. And don't make it hard for yourself. So I'll make it hard for you. But have a standard don't don't go beyond that. So I'm not going to marry someone who for example, from albida From innovators or have a corrupt believe or someone for example, is making major sins openly and stuff like that. I'm not going to do that.

01:18:33--> 01:18:54

Going back to you this is a time where people are so scared of failing marriages failing marriages problem problem. You know what you hit a lot about problems of marriages because I'm failing marriages because this is by the way, not the room, not the norm, not the majority. Still the majority of people are married and having live good life.

01:18:55--> 01:19:14

Usually people express the the moments of difficulties they don't talk about moments of happiness that's a Nietzsche that's why in history you talk about wars and stuff like that big things out. And famines you don't read a History talk about the details good things that happen every day and everybody's life actually people don't talk about

01:19:15--> 01:19:20

so that's why you love expose, but there's so much good out there in marriage in relation.

01:19:21--> 01:19:35

There's a lot of people's palace ship I that's one of the lines said this we're not married in my age isn't my fragile, somebody who will fulfill his desire and how long or someone is sick, like how a product

01:19:36--> 01:19:38

where he was asked about young man, why not married.

01:19:40--> 01:19:46

So marriage is something important and you should value it because it's surely a value.

01:19:47--> 01:19:58

And it's so rewarding in Islam. Every single moment passed by when you're married. You are fulfilling and obligations on you. I love the word you for that.

01:20:01--> 01:20:04

So staying single is not a way to go.

01:20:06--> 01:20:24

Understand you might want to wait until finish maybe vacation or something like that understand that. But just to cancel the idea itself is not, that's not true, then there is no good. And yes, there is hard to find a good man hard to find a good woman. But there is a lot of them. And when you find them, make sure that you hold on to it.

01:20:28--> 01:20:50

The next question was submitted earlier on the stream is partially a rant and partially a question. So someone was saying it's a loss of solace. And I'm was so happy with how the dadada Why do people in society not? Why are they unable to accept marriage with age differences, especially if the wife is older? And anyways, how do you make a marriage successful when there is an age difference presence?

01:20:51--> 01:21:29

You have to understand also the profits or someone's culture is different than our culture. Lifestyle is different than our lifestyle, you have to take that in consideration. Okay, so certain culture, it might be difficult, women are not the same, like 100 years ago, I can tell you, there's a big difference between my daughter was 10 years old, and my mom when she was 10 years old, and my other half sisters, but like my cousin was 18 years old. You know, there's a big difference, you know, between generations, you know, that's why things are changing. So keep that in mind. So don't just be litoris taking things like without context. That's number one. Number two, I think it is

01:21:29--> 01:21:35

okay to marry someone who's older than you. As long as you guys connect together, you know,

01:21:36--> 01:21:40

last I give you one important fact taking consideration

01:21:42--> 01:21:46

people who are sociologist, okay, saying

01:21:47--> 01:21:59

long time ago, it took about 50 years ago. So now that it takes 20 years to build a generation, it take, what 20 years to 25 years to move from one generation to another.

01:22:00--> 01:22:05

In modern time, it takes five years to move from one generation to another.

01:22:07--> 01:22:12

So the age gap is so big, you feel that you guys from completely different generations.

01:22:14--> 01:22:16

Like yeah, now like all these like

01:22:18--> 01:22:22

people who born in 2010, and up, okay,

01:22:23--> 01:22:40

they are generation that might not be able to connect with 2000 2000 and up not connect to 90s 90s will not connect with 80s and 70s will not connect with age, it just it shifted so fast.

01:22:42--> 01:22:47

jokes and interest and references and languages change.

01:22:48--> 01:22:55

You met someone who born in the 70s and it's all sauce, okay, what kind of sauce you're like,

01:22:56--> 01:22:57

how soft

01:22:58--> 01:23:09

and gentle or or he talked like to people like words that doesn't make any kind of even click with you.

01:23:11--> 01:23:21

Jokes, references to things and, you know, TV or something like that he just the or different generation, that's where the age gap comes.

01:23:22--> 01:23:51

So I'm not I guess I just understand that nature. And, and not everybody the same. It might be somebody older, but so I'm so into what's going on and like, you know, living in like his life and understand that culture is the lie that that's what, as long as you understand, I think I think that the issue of marriage is a very personal thing. And I think that as long as you have what you want in a person, and that person may

01:23:53--> 01:23:56

when they know people married somebody who's much older than them and hobbyist

01:23:57--> 01:24:00

and people married someone with same age, we're not happy.

01:24:01--> 01:24:02

So

01:24:04--> 01:24:40

Sorry, chef, I know you can be so much more thorough in these answers. I want to try to get as many questions as I can. But you're very right about this age gap thing. Case in point until recently, I was the youngest person at Millgrove HQ. And they took every opportunity to remind me of that. And most of us are millennials. But millennial is like you know, a good 20 years or difference. It's not a lot of millennials in their late 30s. And millennials in their 20s are completely different to your generation called now you guys not really what's Gen Z which is after millennial 2096 or after. And then there's one more Gen X and Gen X was beforehand. Gen Y. We're just going down the alphabet.

01:24:40--> 01:24:45

I don't know which point we're at now. It's getting more Gen style stuff.

01:24:47--> 01:24:59

The next question I know a father that is asking where to put them. The questions are being put in the chat. We're just going to take a couple more that were submitted earlier. I just want to remind everyone that there's going to be five opportunities to have q&a sessions. Three of them was recorded and two of them was Starzl Don

01:25:00--> 01:25:06

Who is our CO instructor? In the in the class as well? Sorry. But it's a generation of

01:25:08--> 01:25:10

stuff that Allah, may Allah protect us.

01:25:11--> 01:25:40

So you will have plenty of opportunities to ask questions, this is a bit more of a casual. And we're trying to take a few questions here and there. But we want to do deep dives into all the topics that cover are covered in the class, there's going to be some really tough questions that come up as we go through some of the issues and the struggles that people have in finding people and having negative experiences and improving their relationships. So make sure you do register, because that is where you're going to be able to submit your questions anonymously and get them answered by the chef and Sharla. We'll take a couple more in fellowship before we close off, just to be fair to

01:25:40--> 01:26:07

those who submitted earlier in sha Allah, and then we'll end this session. Let me just quickly pull up my list again. The next question is, actually Schaefer you mentioned this earlier as well, why has it become so difficult for Muslim men and women to find a spouse nowadays? And if you want a reference to some of the stuff that you teach us in the class, how do you do it correctly? The hunt is the title of the lesson that you have on how to find and get to know a future spouse. How do you do that correctly? And what tools do you utilize for that?

01:26:09--> 01:26:18

Yes, in my class, I saw the call hunt on hunting ground hunting methods, you know, where people look for as far as why it's difficult, because

01:26:20--> 01:26:37

that fast change in culture, okay. Also life became more materialistic. And a lot of people are, that is something you can see, clearly younger people are that

01:26:39--> 01:27:20

the level of maturity and responsibility thinking responsibly became less and less. That is one of the Shuhai No, he did a study over 200 families, he asked the wives, what's the number one thing that you want and a husband or you, you cherish the most announcement, and those woman were different age group. So I did like that study much. But there's something caught my eyes, he said, 90% of woman, regardless of the age group, they said, number one thing for them is a man who can be responsible, can take responsibility.

01:27:22--> 01:27:39

And that's important. Today, a lot of people just dropped the ball not willing to take the responsibility of marriage, because they spoiled so many people, you know, they're not, they're not gonna stand when, because marriages challenge those tough days. You know, and that's why it's so rewarding.

01:27:42--> 01:27:57

And I think that's one of the main reasons I talked about the rate of marriage and divorce. And, you know, the complexity of marriage sometimes can make things difficult for a lot of young men, economically to get married. You know,

01:27:59--> 01:28:02

that's also another main reason for people became difficult to get married.

01:28:04--> 01:28:13

There's so much artificial, once in a generation time, it became more virtual. And marriage is not romantic is the most real thing.

01:28:14--> 01:28:52

You know, but we're not used to people we're not used to deal with, we don't have that art. And that's one firm that has a longtime long term solution, you know, that we need to ensure that our community ready for that our youth ready for that, we need to teach about that we need to make sure that our community members and children are engaged in grievable relationship, understand what the value of y is, you know what woman mean? What men mean, what it means to be a gentle man, and a gentle woman, a woman who respects her husband and a man who loves his wife, and respect her and a woman who loves her husband and respect.

01:28:54--> 01:29:00

You know, these things need to be revival. The prophets of Psalms as a role model in this area need to be addressed.

01:29:01--> 01:29:10

I think most successful marriages, but out there will encourage people to go back into the marriage Institute again.

01:29:12--> 01:29:46

Yeah, there's, there's more in the class about this. It's just gonna have a whole session about this as well. Awesomesauce I want to keep asking questions, I think and they won't stop coming in from the chat as well. But I think this is a good place in Charlotte to close we'll have plenty of opportunity to go in and poke your head out and make you have 234 hour live questions like q&a sessions Inshallah, in this class itself, which is Acalypha, for being with us today, for giving us those wonderful stories on the incredible funerary marriages from Islamic history and teaching us those lessons to be learned from them. And of course, honoring this with this q&a session. I can't

01:29:46--> 01:29:59

wait to begin the class. Very excited. In sha Allah. I see lots of people have been joining the telegram group and registering while we've been in the live session. We can't wait to connect with you guys in the private community for the thick of love just lackluster for being with us. Sure.

01:30:00--> 01:30:06

inshallah we'll see you very soon. Any last words before we close off? Now, but I saw sister Slayer said she wished that she had

01:30:07--> 01:30:15

access to this information 30 years ago. And I want to tell you, doesn't matter how old are you how long it's been, as always,

01:30:16--> 01:30:25

there is always a great future. And then the Lord said, If I only have one night, one day left in this life,

01:30:26--> 01:30:27

I will not die as a single.

01:30:29--> 01:30:51

I will say if I have one day left in this life, and in this marriage, and make sure that spend that day in that night, and the best metric that can ever be exhausted. And that's really was my goal to help you. And sometimes marriage cannot be saved, like what you heard from Grayson, have no problem with that. And I want to make sure that also when we ended, we ended Correct.

01:30:53--> 01:31:08

As much as this course talk about relationships, also lay out rules, guidance, and it comes from the one who knows us the best, which is Allah subhanaw taala. He knows you more than any one else. And he set social rules to guide us.

01:31:09--> 01:31:15

And he left some area for us to explore and to work on it.

01:31:16--> 01:31:38

And I said that as a challenge in marriage, but was a great reward as well. The harder things asked, the more valuable, the harder you work for it, the more you treasure it and the new value. I asked him lots of panel data to accept from all of us. Thank you very much. And I'm looking forward for my next session. Michelle was

01:31:41--> 01:32:17

talking about divorce, somebody asked me about divorce. There is a lot of talk about divorce as well. And the rules of divorce and how can we have a civil divorce and all the rights I think one of even that session that I will give us an extra session talking about divorce and, and, you know, solving the financial things related to it and stuff like that. And the world of divorce woman is another world that deserves a course by itself. But I said to myself, I'm going to talk to them out of said full of love, forgot to teach divorce, but I'm going to call for a call for divorce. I'm not sure how many people were just over that. But that's why we put it together, you know, because I

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think it's still even with divorce, it means we still can keep that low. Do what doesn't need to be nasty, you know.

01:32:24--> 01:32:42

And that's something I talked a lot about it and what he said touching on that as well in our modern as well. And last session, you know, for me, you know when we think when they see divorce man divorce woman, I don't think of their spouses of that person. I think it just a bad matching.

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And I just leave it right there. What do you guys go forever?

01:32:49--> 01:33:20

Allahu vedika. They're just like a love affair chef leave. And that is that a wrap for today's webinar. Just like Look out. For those of you who've been with us from the very beginning of today's session, we'll reward you immensely. And for those of you been active in the chat submitting questions, apologies if we didn't get a chance to answer those. Please do register for the class and continue to submit them there. Inshallah, we'll have a lot more opportunity for q&a sessions and time with the chef to focus very now and to ask as much as you want and hamdulillah with the 100 lessons that we have in the class as well. Many of those questions will be answered automatically.

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Once again, the URL is Allogram dot online, forward slash love. If you have any questions about what's being covered in the class, what the topics are, please feel free to send us an email at [email protected] or message us on the chat set button that pops up on the screen there. And we look forward to seeing you on the other end disaster for joining us once again. This is Mr. Huff stuff from a mortgage Institute for now take care Stay happy, stay healthy, stay safe and a cinema