How To Gain Friends

Waleed Basyouni

Channel: Waleed Basyouni

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In Alhamdulillah hinomoto who want to stay in who wanna study he wanna start Pharaoh want to be law him into the unforeseen amin Surya, Dr. Medina Maja de la dama de la la la mejor para hodja who a shadow Allah era in La la la sharika wa shadow Anna Mohammedan Abdo sudo Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Anwar Ali Mohammed Kamal Salida Ibrahima early in NACA hamidah Majeed and boundary by the law, all praise due to align His praise and blessings and peace be upon all prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family, his companions and his followers until the day of judgment, I bear witness that the law is the only one worthy of worship, and Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam is

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lost on Final messenger.

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Today, we living in a time, where you might only have few true friends, few people that are willing to stand beside you, and will be your companions in your journey in this life.

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Today, very few loyal students, and very hard to find harmony, and a good strong connection between the community members in a time, which is the time of social media made us the most unsocial people. You know, it's amazing how this social media, it was able or enable us to connect us with the people who are very far away from us.

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But it also made us disconnected from the people who are so close to us.

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It's an it's an interesting concept that social media do today to us. So I thought it's became, you know, winning people on having friends and building a good ties with the neighbors and community members became a challenge for so many of us today. You know, I can testify for that myself, when they first came to United States, it was so easy to start the conversation with people on the coffee shop. So it's so easy for you to, you know, start a friendship. And for many reasons, it became much difficult as we live today. But I think one of the reason is that we need to develop that skill of winning people and being able to communicate effectively with others in a way that we win their

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hearts. And the Muslims community need this Today, more than any other time. side, we do this, because that's the right thing to do. But if that's not enough to you, I can tell you that we need this and these days more than any other days in our life. Because winning people art and winning the masses, it became today a very important goal for us as a community to survive and to thrive, to be able to continue with all the media pressure on Muslims, all what the politicians saying their nights and a whole entire segment we watch, you know, in the January 14, and the Republican debate all about the whole entire segments, what do you think, should we have banned all Muslim of some

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Muslims? You know, it is ridiculous, that you know, the pressure on us make us We must open up to the community so that people really can to see us and know who we are, truly. So I thought maybe today will be a good reminder for all of us to now or to develop and sharpen our skills when it comes to social interaction. How can you when you're How can you when people who are around you. And I'm saying this because as us as a Muslim community, if we don't love one another, if we are not united, if we don't care for one another. If we don't feel like we all all big family, it became very hard for me to see how we're going to do this with people who are farther away from us. How can

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we build unity

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farther from our own brothers when we cannot even work together? And before I speak about how to win people's hearts and to win their love for you. I want to say that many time when we talk about the subject, we intend to think of those so far away from us. You know, how can I win the conversation with a stranger or build a friendship with someone that I don't know? And we forget that the people that who we should think the most about when we go over these points are our family members. How can you win the hearts of your children? And how can you win the hearts of your parents and your friends and your family members? Your wife, your spouse, your husband? And also how can you win the hearts

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of your neighbors

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If you don't have any any connection with the neighbors, then you go farther to the community member then you go even farther in the big circle in the society in general. Why? Because in the be salatu salam said the outcome the outcome The only the best among you who are the best of the family so let's start from there that's basically the the the seed that's the foundation and also Nabi sallallahu Sallam said masala gibreel you will see nibble Job had gone into unknown so you already did the job but if you Muslim, that's gonna be salatu salam said gibreel kept reminding me of the right of the neighbors until I thought he will be among those who will inherit the disease. Also an

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abuse a lot lower audio seldom said and that's for all believers with all people kind of mania left. Well, you know, what a hierarchy man Leia left where are you left?

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Me? Wow.

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Whoa, Nancy, I'm in us. That's an OB Salalah the audio sound upset. The believer is the one who can love people was the ability to love him to like people. And he's also likable, someone who people can like, or people like, and there is no good than someone who don't like anyone in the world. No one in the world likes him. You know, that's not a good person. And then there'd be so someone said the best among you those who are more beneficial to others. So these some points as a reminder, and most of us it's a common sense, but this is a reminder for all of us and we see this in the Sierra Sierra, the live Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, as he is the role model for all of us as well.

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Number one, if you want to win people's hearts, your family members anyone you think of. I want you to remember this Assalam avena Cobain Allah used to be a lima bean Cobain in us. Rule number one. You know if you want, make sure that you win allows love first, before you think about winning any human beings love. Make sure that you earn Allah Subhana Allah is love and light before you think of winning somebody is light or low. Because Allah Subhana Allah said, in the Latina woman who are middle Sally had said Allah Muhammad would the column of a saloon, yeah, and you better have your poor openness. So Allah subhanaw taala, telling us and those who believe in Alon, you do good deeds,

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so their relationship with Allah is good, what Allah will do for them, Sanjay Allah, whom are the Most Merciful will give them love, love from him that he loves them, the angels love them, and also love in the dunya. And that was explained explicitly and had easy job, but all the debris are lower and that jabril that he said to the angels, Allah love so and so. So he will ask the angels to love that person, then in the piece of Southern said, well, you borrowed a whole caboodle from Adam, he will be accepted by the people of the earth. Who is that person is the person who Allah Subhana Allah loves.

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Number two, whenever you deal with someone, make sure that you are sincere with that person. People intend to like sincere people. People don't like hypocrites, people, they don't like fake people. People don't like people who wear masks, and it's not their true face. So if you really want to one someone love and to gain somebody's trust, it is you do this for the right reason. To be sincere for your praising sincere for your honoring sincere in your respect, but not to do that for any other hidden reason. For example, I don't care for you because I want to do give me a special treatment. You know, I don't care for you. Because you know what, I think you're a good person to donate for my

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cause. No, I do this because you deserve that. I'm sincerely loving you. I sincerely respect you. I sincerely like your company, and I will spend time with you. So the more sincere you are with the people, the more you will most likely will gain their love and respect and return.

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Number two, if you went to if you want to win people, be good to them. I said you know how mokara Shara Eisen in helping the startup good Obama, Obama can start by the sun insan

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that accident in a NASA startup it would

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be good to people and you will enslave them. That's what one person said long time ago because doing good to people will make them always indebted to you.

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If you deal with an honorable person, you just do one good thing to him or to her. They

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We'll be in debt for you for the rest of their life. And you're not doing this because you want to control them. No. You want you doing this because that's that's how you're allowed your manners and abuse will allow us to sell them always like to serve people all over like to help people or like to lend them hand. So doing good to them. And maybe you're salatu salam I just said to the closest one to him, his wife, he said, she said can if you mean that he actually he used to serve his family, help them and basically house work. And sure he will take care of that to help her Canada Yes, if we're not Allah, will you so we

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Mercado sallallahu alayhi wa sallam whenever he fixed his bed to take care of his shoes, you know and he helps her rather low and

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then if the salon comes he will immediately leave to the sama and Nebula Salam Salam said Americana you mean we'll be live with The Omen fish for you cream jar, again to the neighbor, those who believe in a line the Day of Judgment they should be generous they should serve they should do good to their neighbors

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have been rumored to be alive and reported that the prophets of Salaam said in a hub Vanessa in a live video I have Maddie illa hammonasset Allah I'm federal homeliness. Well humble, in a lawsuit on to

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Muslim ban, that individual ally Salim said, the most beloved deed to Allah, is that you cause your Muslim brothers or any person in that case, to be happy to make them happy. Then in another generation, he said the most beloved person to Allah is the one who is the most beneficial to people. And individuals on give many examples like you pay his debt, you provide food for him, you help him. And that's basically what make people love you and to win their to win their love and to win their trust. You remember what I said about what Heidi Julia levada, she said to the process on them when he first came to her, and he said to her that I was basically approached by an angel

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debris, and he was worried what will happen, how we will face his view and tell them that he's a prophet. What did she say to him? She said, in Nikola Tesla Russian, what can what took civil Doom what to

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what to ignore and in our EBITDA, all of these quality five qualities all I can sum it up by telling you, it used to help people. And because it used to help his people, and maybe you saw some of them loved by his people, liked by his people, so allow the reason. She said, Don't worry, you're a person who well accepted in the society because of this quality. You take care of your relatives, you help the needy, you pay their debt, and so forth.

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All this goes back, you need one of the things that will allow enable you to do that, to possess this quality, which is uncommon, I'll do generosity, be generous, and maybe sell or sell them a man passed by him. And he greeted the profit sauce on them. So the process of selling them what he did, he gave him a whole entire

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It was a valley filled with sheep. So nobody saw some of them when he saw them and looking at this, all these sheets, they look so healthy and nice. That's a lot of money. Sitting there. These are songs that you like, said Who wouldn't? He said, it's all yours. The man start running back to his tribe telling them you have to believe in this man, you have to follow this man. This man cannot be anyone except a prophet. Why? On Earth in the who European alpha, alpha. He gives like if he never fear poverty, he never fears buffer poverty, he knows that that is the most rich behind him which is Allah Subhana Allah giving him this generosity of the process Allah have changed this man's heart

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towards him and toward the deen of Islam to be a Muslim and to be even a die who calling people to enter Islam. Jabba the line said why the person was loved so much by his companion not only because he's a prophet it because his character people just not gonna like you because you're half of the Quran or a Muslim. It is your character what will make people love you That's why if you don't have a good character, then fuck boom in Holic Allah said about Mohammed Salim if you don't if you're aggressive and you're mean to people, we will run away from you. But because in their visa Salaam is a mercy, but since the great qualities and one of it is generosity, jabber said masuleh and Shay in

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for Karla LA, ma Kala rakatan elaphiti chukwudi Lola Tasha who can at la una amo

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Allah. He never said no to anyone so allow our new audio salon, even if he got just a new thing.

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And somebody said, Allah give me this board this rope you just got you just received it. He said it's yours, you would never hesitant some of them to give. And he said to her do to have exchange gift and that will bring love to each other. So that generosity, it helped me a lot to when people heart, you know, maybe it's a small thing, even if you go to a coffee shop and you pay for it, you know, you miss a little gift here and there, it changed people's heart and you can win people with this small little human touch. We all know Bill O'Reilly on how hostile his toward the Muslims a few weeks back, or month, maybe he gave a very positive talk about Muslim community and about the Muslim

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community, the Muslim in general, you know, what was the reason for changing 180 degree like that, it's because he was in a restaurant in Chicago goes on someone gave him a cheesecake as a gift, you know, just a touch of generosity have changed his heart a little bit, and made him even can control his emotion into admitted publicat and TV, and he said the story.

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So this is something that you should take care of be taken in consideration. Number three, always if you want to really win people, always when you deal with people try to put yourself in their shoes.

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It's very important to do that. Try to think how they think how they feel. You know what if I am that person, don't only think about yourself and you disregard how they feel or what is their position as so many times we don't know what people going through, maybe someone sick in the house, maybe he's in debt, maybe he's in trouble maybe as so many, you don't know what's happening in people's life. So when you deal with people, and you almost think that why you put yourself in their shoes, they will love you, they will appreciate you because you don't just look to them from a distance you tried to relate to them.

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And nebia sallallahu Sallam said, I mean I had to come head to head Am I good enough? See you not be true believer in the love for brotherhood, your love for yourself. So in other words, you need to think what my brother going through what he is, or she is feeling at that moment. And and from there, I start dealing with them. It's so important for us to know their psychology, their their their as I said their feeling before you pass a judgement on them.

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Next point, always show

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the people that you deal with the talk with that you care for them. That's an amazing thing. Every time you show people that they really care for you, you know, even the way you set I said to someone you know I said in a way that the chosen presented I care for you. You know the way we talk to the person, the way you listen to the person and the abuse of Salomon son calling Jada satola he wouldn't say yeah, no, kind of visa salamina teffont. Jacobi, Nicosia, Pattaya john Sandra who tilcon aside, he will move his whole entire body to face the person completely with this just.

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It's not like, come on, and you keep going. And he's like trying to catch up with you. People don't like that people like to be respected. When you talk to someone, I'm talking to someone on his like in his cell phone.

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I'm talking to someone and he's like somewhere else. You give somebody set up. And it's all like this white. People don't like the people you want to win people, show them that you care for them, and show that through gestures through your body language. Okay, one other thing also that you should know what happened to Kathy rahimullah said, what kind of lifestyle nyako howdy filmoteca Lim hatay akuna, who Allah diaco because he said one of the habit of the process, when someone speaks to him, you will never cut him off, he will wait until that person finished then He will speak you know, very rare to come across people that you have to stop them. Okay. But generally speaking, it's

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not a good because it shows that you don't care what he's saying. You just want to the end of the story. Also.

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One of the way to show your basically that you care of them, that you'd be engaged with him when he's speaking to you. The next point, smile, smile, and I can repeat that million times. Smiling is a form of charity as the process of themselves. It wins people heart, you want to win somebody instantly just smile to them. Why? Because when you smile at someone, you send messages, one of it acceptance that I accept you one of it, I'm happy to be here. One of them that I have good self esteem, confidence in myself, and I can tell you people like these

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qualities, people don't tend to like those sort of confidence over those who have no confidence in themselves. People don't tend to like those who are happy, versus those who are unhappy people like those who basically show acceptance versus those who don't show acceptance to that. And it's kind of funny, but it's the statistically speaking, that is more dog honors honors than cat owners. And one of the reasons because cats don't know how to show acceptance to their owners, while dogs, they are very good in showing acceptance to their owners, and that's why a lot of people are attached to them, they like them is because they know how to show except they're honored. So here, what I'm

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saying is smiling and just send that strong message to the person. And that will help you instantly to when people's heart, you know, your face can be more eloquent than your words, the impact of your face expressions is way more deeper, more effective than, than your words. So watch out all this, when you deal with people, it's been said that is it, I think it's a Chinese word of wisdom or some, if I'm not mistaken, they said, the person I don't know, became Chinese. But that's what it is.

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I think they said, If you do not smile, you should not start a business.

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You know what I'm talking about. One of the things also it is important to win people is to not to criticize people, or criticism that is very, it leaves scars in people's heart. You know,

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criticizing people is not easy. Not No one likes to be criticized. Nobody likes to be called out. It's not easy in people's heart. And that's something you should be careful when you do. For example, you know, a knuckle could go up when I set it up. Any criticizing and correcting people, it's like medicine, you don't take medicine all the time, what you need to take all the time food, but medicine, you take it when you need it, if you keep taking medicine all the time you become sicker, it's not going to cure you. So that's the same thing. When you correct someone or you point something out, you need to be careful, it's like a medicine, you only give it when there is need

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with the right amount not to exceed, not more, not less. So it's a very critical decision that you're going to make when you're going to call someone out or you're going to criticize someone. So my advice if you're going to do that, make it short, don't drag, don't keep it back, your wife or your husband, your wife, your children, your parents, your partners, your co workers, whoever the person is, okay, your community. Don't make it also. General be very specific. What is the point that you're criticizing? Why lie into mantap? nephrin? What's that? He was a common way of, you know, criticizing you said, Well, I know good and you guys, okay, this community is all this, you

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kids are terrible. That's generalizing, there's no benefit from that. It just hurt people turn people off and nobody gonna benefit anything from you. You have something about your child say specifically, what is the point? Okay. Also, always, when you criticize people, make sure that you focus in the future, what's next. Don't drag that person always to the past, talk about what's next. Okay, we want this to be changed to this and that. Don't be ever emotional when you criticize someone, stay away from emotion when you criticize. Because if you became emotional, you will not be able to convey the message correct. Like, for example, emotional, it shows your emotion like you

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drive me crazy. When you do that, that's showing your emotion that you're frustrated and angry. You can do that. You know,

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basically, this is what a work, you act like as if we're not friends that emotional. You can do that in criticizing, make the point, your point in a very formal, straight, short sentence to the person. Don't ever criticize. If you want to win, people don't criticize with things that it cannot be fixed. Like I hated it. When people do that to me. You know, I just bought a car. And I'm happy with my car. hamdallah somebody just want to ruin it for me. He said, oh, by the way, this car was overpriced. I found the same one 2000 Plus, what's the point from saying that? You know, the internet we don't you don't win people that way. No, I don't think you did a good deal. There is no

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need for that. This is something that make you lose it made doesn't make you when people

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always if you criticize someone make sure that you also mentioned some of the positive thing about that person or this organization. It most likely it will be accepted. Don't think Don't say that. Our motto vanilla monka monka, forbidding evil and promoting good

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must be done in the proper etiquette as well, especially with gentleness. One of the thing that helped me a lot to win people's hearts and to win people general is to remember the names, you know, and Don't feel shy to ask for the person's name call him by his name. And if his name is kind of foreign to you let someone has a like a name is from Thailand or Russia or Arabic name or whatever name that you're not familiar with in your own language. You know, Don't feel shy to say, Can you repeat How can I say that? And try your best to say, okay, role model the allow answered three things we'll do with a bit nella calidris Andre ethic make people love you. One of it is to call

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them by the names that they like.

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Also, if you want to when people learn how to be a good listener, encourage people to talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. People like to talk, they don't like to listen. Okay? So if you can control and master that to be a good listener, you will be absolutely loved by people. You know, most of the people who counselors and they do with psychology, they are good listeners. And that's why a lot of people love to go to them, because they can speak and speak and speak. Even the people who don't follow Islamic rules. They go to law clubs and you know, to hide arm stuff, just because they want someone to communicate with to talk to. So why would we Why would

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we do that we can do this in the Halloween, learn how to listen to our family, listen to our kids, listen to our parents, listen to our spouses, listen to our community.

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And it is hard. I'll tell you it is hard, especially for someone like me who also stock like unquote, Bond classes became hard, but it's something you need to train yourself to do. And it's a very important key to win people's hearts. If you want to be a good speaker, you need to learn how to good listener. If we're going to talk about listening, if you talk make sure that you say what is good and Kenny mapa sada like exactly smile, it is an act of charity, the process of good words can win people easily, only about the quality, awesome well, orderliness he has now

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lost Poland sadita all these verses ordering us not to say what is good to say what is best. That means you need to think before you talk. You need to choose the proper word, the word that will win people hard. I'm not saying we're gonna be perfect but we try and when you couldn't find a good word to say remain silent go higher on out little small make it a habit that you pray for people you know if you can you just don't make the habit that you curse people. Make it the habit that you always say the positive words not the negative word. Make it a habit that you'd words are always words of optimism, not the words of passive not the words of pessimism.

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Okay, make sure that you always try to say what to encourage people not discouraged people get bring the good news you didn't need to always to be the conveyor for bad news, your cereal want to assume the shuttle one or two in a federal that's the etiquette of Mohammed sauce Allah, good words that you talk about things that people like, you know, don't talk about the subject that always make people angry and frustrated and divide people. Also part of saying what is good is to mix your talk with some gyms, nice reminders, when you talk but also you can mix it with nice jokes, you know, historical incident, things make people smile and laugh. Cannon Nabi sallallahu Sallam with the

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companions, they will laugh, they will cry, they will say things about the old days and jaha Leah, and they say poetry to each other. That's how the process I've lived this life. Don't be too much in one area. And a lot of people think that every time we gather it has to be a lecture. And it has to be about lilac era and the day of judgment or about the past. You know what happened in the history, you know, and sometimes we can talk about the present, we can talk about things football game, we can talk about basketball, we can talk, you know, but also what's wrong is always talking about this stuff. And we didn't talk about anything that can benefit us, Melis para todos Okinawa yaku tofail

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Ahmed Abu Hadassah

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Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Nana Ba ba ba

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I'll just end with two points quickly. Number one, always try to share to ask people's feedback but make them partner with you especially if they're close to you. Ask your family you know what do you think of this idea? Can you tell me what some feedback about this? Can you give me suggestions about that? You know, the more you consult people the more to reach out to people you when people are lost or hammers or send them over home for them. And it's what ironic that this verse take consulted them this person

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After is revealed after the process and consulted the companions about the battle have offered and the consultation that he got from the companion was bad What didn't make the good result

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any whatever the suggested lead the lost the battle, but a lot after that said, consultant so don't let that one incident change the principle we should always reach out to each other. You know, it means a lot just try it. Just try to come to someone of the community here said you know home a little bit not much. And you can reach out to the person who said, Hey, by the way, I'm about to do this, what do you think? What's your I would

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basically suggestion, but something not in his necessarily his area. Any you know, you go to a doctor and tell me I'm about to do operation what you think it's because a doctor, but reach him to something other than his area, he will feel that he's special to you. Not saying don't consult them in the area that you want. But it became a personal touch, it makes a lot of different in people's life. One of the things that I want to cite is kind of funny. In there is the different cultures and you have to pay attention to this. You know, one of the things physical touch, it's one of the language of love, but you have to be very careful when you're dealing with people with different

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cultures. Because in so many cultures the physical touch is not something that they used to any can imagine I came from a country or a background that's completely different than the culture here and especially in this area. So imagine I hold someone's hand and I walk with him in the street, give him a hug and kiss and I tell him you know what, I know handbook for law I love you You know I mean it will be so uncomfortable to many people you know holding their hands and walking you know a lot of people very uncomfortable with some of the brother came and kissed them like their cheek you know in the kisses and stuff like that. You don't want people that way. So be careful Be aware of this

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some of these things it's not might not when you people who don't use to this culture, but it could do other people saying this because we do a lot of people like we have this Sunday, you know, receptions in the church coming to here, the next next door as appreciation for what they did. So sometimes people deal with them the subculture I came from and and maybe it's the difference and the kind of awkward moments so pay attention to it. Otherwise, by the way, physical touch means a lot like robbing somebody in his back or if it's in their culture to hold their hands and Nebbiolo when someone shake his hand he will not let that person's hand go until the guy let it go first. These

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little things makes a big difference. malice panatela Jana Yakama 15 minute movie and Emma rabina xojo lumenal Hulk Allahumma amin May Allah Subhana Allah make us those among us Allah loves and people's love, make us those who will benefit others alarm the founder of Mr. Hampton aluminum in Florida, Minnesota, Colorado took our ff aleena info center turqoise a woman's aka Antonio Hamada Allahumma,

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Well, I asked by your names and attributes to help our brothers and sisters in Iraq and in Syria, those who are going under a severe attack in these days, and they been striving and dying out of hunger and being killed in a very ugly sectarian war era. I asked you to put away this war and to save the believers and to destroy the transgressor. yamawaki mean. So Bella hermetica what you gather gelato Ekrem or Selena, Hamas, Solomon and abena Mohammed Omar Salam Kumar,