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Connecting With Children During Holiday

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Waleed Basyouni

Channel: Waleed Basyouni

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Aloha

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Hi everyone

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swana

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in Alhamdulilah in men who want to stay in who want to study who want to start 010 Who Am fujinami sejahtera Marina Maria de la Fernando de la who

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will further javiera who are shadow La la la la la la la sharika wash shadow no Mohammed Abu hora sudo Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed Camus Lolita, Ibrahima innaka. Jaime de Majeed,

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Eva de la all praise you to align His praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family's companions and his followers until the day of judgment. I agree with this at a loss The only one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is last and final messenger

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first of all for the brothers young brothers who are in the back against the wall.

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If your back is not in pain, I'm out on the brothers back there. If you're back not in pain or you don't have a problem in your back, otherwise you should come closer to the amount should not be sitting in the back. That's against the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam especially the young kids back there, was talking about on the kids would have just come forward and don't talk to him to

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come forward.

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Come to the front. Yes. So unless you have a bad problem, you can sit there you would have a lot of older people sitting and coming and this is something you should raise yourself from the early age is when the Hulk about on you come and you come next to the Imam that's how the prophet SAW Selim said you can bring a chair and sit in front of me and when the Hulk are finished, you fold the chair and put it on the site. But to just sit in the back is just not a correct why and introduce your reward in the Juma the profits are seldom said when the Habib comes you come closer see pay attention to the ultimate.

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As we all know that holidays are approaching us and in holidays, we do have a lot of time at hand. Especially so many of our children will take long holidays, some more than others.

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And, in my opinion, it's a golden opportunities for all of us to connect with our family.

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And today I want to focus on a particular

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one, which is the Father.

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Yes, the mother is also important, and it will have its turn. But today I want to talk to my brothers to the fathers, because father count fathers are important. Their existence and their children's lives is essential. And your role in your children's lives is not just to bring money. It's just not to work and to make money. That's an important role. But it's not everything. And believe it or not, I was just reading many studies about the influence that parents have on their children's life. And almost all of them agreed that fathers have more impact on their children's lives than mothers. And I was shocked in the long term, especially this in this percentage, the gap

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get bigger when it comes to the daughters, and the absence of the father figure in the children's life. It is so damaging beyond your imagination. And that reminded me of something of no time, Rahim. Allah said more than 1000 years ago, and similar to the lasagna, he said, Why lm and Isla coolin harassing lobelia. Frequently, well, he didn't hear me and

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he said, let you know that most of the problems that you have seen in children is because of the absence of the fathers in that child's life.

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That they're not there.

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That's why I thought it will be a good point to remind myself and all of us as a parents who care about our children, of the importance of taking advantage of this home, this holidays, are these days that's coming and long vacations, especially in the Christmas in the end of the year, to connect and reconnect with your children more.

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I said this many times, that kids spell the word love, T i m e. That's how they spell the word love. This spell of time and the quality time. So one of the things that I want us to focus on, that this is became a goal, no matter how old you are, no matter how old your kids are, it's still that connection, the presence in their life, it is still so important.

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The only time in connection with their children will end when they die.

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Or when it's not any physically, maybe it will end. But you don't have any more role to add to the life or you die. But the impact that you might leave in their life after death, it will last for generations.

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Think about it this way that you want to make sure that during these holidays, that will be an point of change in your life is to became not just a father or biological father for kids, but a real dad.

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It's not flesh and blood. But the heart which make us fathers and sons. The word father are very similar on the surface. But yet, I think too many people, they hold very different meanings.

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I know it's something I can argue against. undeniably far easier to be just a father than being a dad.

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It's much easier to be just a father who you know, do tech one plus one D You know, do this, do that. And that's it. And you don't have real life and real impact in your kid's life.

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They both father and dad go and work hard every day to provide for the family.

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Both By the way, attend their kids soccer game, father and dad. Both they go to their school on the check the homework of the kids, but yet there is still a big difference between both of them. It's basically the difference is something that about the feeling that the children's feel towards their parents or the father, how much they are connected to that father.

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I want you to think during this holiday

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like that.

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That you're not only holding your children's hands

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But you got their backs.

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I want them to feel that I want our children that, to know that you not only bring money to the house, but you bring value to their lives. They not only expect to hear from you, but also they know that they can speak to you. Not only that you can.

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But all but also you can. There's a difference between your children knows that you can do this, and you do that. But when you didn't feel it, no, it's not about your ability to do it. It's because you care, you're doing it.

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It is not only about your rights, it's about the rights as well. It's not what you want them to be, rather how much you really believe in them.

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Be your children's superhero. Because so many times, I'm afraid that we as a father figure became a symbol of fear. And just that grumpy, lazy old man at home.

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I want our kids to feel that not only they share our genes, but they share our lives, that they feel that they are real, they really share their lives with you. And you share your life with them, that they feel like they are a team, like part of your life. It is so important that your child, don't feel that you are judgmental. Rather, you understands.

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Please don't repeat my mistake.

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And I'm openly admitting it.

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I thought for a while that it is about them knowing about how much I love them how much I work hard for them. And if you notice, I don't know if you know this or not, I'll choose my words carefully. I don't know if you paid attention to what I just said, when I said I want your kids this not that. And every time I said I want your kids to feel your kids to feel so many times as Father, we think it's about them to know, it's not about transferring this information to them. It's about if they really feel that or not. It's one thing to tell them that you work hard. But another thing for them to feel that you really work hard for them. It's one thing to tell them that I love you then the

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field that you really love them as big difference between the two.

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That's why my daughter keeps saying, the older Obama gets, the smarter my father seems to get it

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or to get.

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Understanding this point will help us a lot to reshape the way we look to our relationship with our kids. That is really about them is not about me. It's about what they feel, not what I feel. It's about them more than just me. And that's so important to make you understand your children from a better perspective. And it will help you a lot to connect with them much better way. Because so many so much. So many times As parents, we only look at it from our perspective, we don't try to also look at it from their perspective. And again, no matter how old or young they are.

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Many of us, for whatever reason for whatever culture we came from, or raised accordingly. Many of us didn't learn how to express their feelings.

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That's a big problem.

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You know, I teach a lot of young people and ask a lot of young people sometimes, when was the last time your father ever told you that he loves you

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that your father ever expressed to you really his his true feelings? And will lie You will be shocked that most of them said, No.

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Well, I haven't heard that for a very long time. I know my father loves me. But he told me I'm not sure.

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You know,

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so many of us. Were very vocal about what we don't like of our children. But we are so quiet about what we like in our children.

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We speaks a lot about the things that we do wrong, and we don't speak much about the things that they do right.

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love and care must be told, must be shown. fear and anger must be restrained.

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My brothers and sisters, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said couldn't look Brian

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couldn't do camera and Roku look at each and every one of you.

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pepper and responsible for his and her flowers.

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And the father is responsible for his family and in Hades and us as have been hijacked by him. Allah said, as a holy person. He said in the end, he had the Animus ality job and you will be asked about your responsibility towards your family. So prepare an answer for it in the Day of Judgment. As a matter of fact, they'll call you in Rahim Allah when he talks he took 15 what, when he talked about that, children is a whole book about the subject. He said, weapon vichara the people have knowledge said and why do you have several Allah help you want to do Kabbalah and you have somebody wanted to Allah Huckabee?

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That Allah Subhana Allah will ask you about your responsibility towards your children before asking your children's about their responsibilities towards you.

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And there is interations came in regard to this. As a matter of fact, it might have said something I never

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paid attention to it before my family.

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Well, I've been an actor, a clinical academic. They've been around me.

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Vee said quite a bit on one he messaged me about one LLC and the who bill alleging ABA, ABA

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for failure.

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He said the word bibble one again, it goes both ways. The word burden validating that basically the burden of the parents it means the parents are good to the children. And the children are good to the parents. It goes both ways. Obviously, all of us we talk about bitterly then we talk about what we're expecting from our children,

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when

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a man complained to him about his son, and the debate took place in front of the law and and the son told him what about what his father dead have been doing to him all these years.

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neglected his education to care of him didn't support him. Then tomorrow the alarm and he said to the man, Carla, the tabernacle, Pamela and Europa.

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You have done wrong to your children or to your son before he does he did to you. You have found our asset at UCLA and UCLA.

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Look at the APA who saw the euro for Kabira. He was back to his children when they were young. So the children were back to their parents when they're old.

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In the room or the allow and reported that the prophets of Salaam said kefa if men and you lay your money apart, it's enough. It's a sufficient sin. It's enough sin that you will not handle the responsibility towards your family properly. It's one of the worst things that you can think of.

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That's something I hope I'm not going to go into details. I just want you to think and to reflect and to go to this holidays to the to these coming months with an aspiring to change something in your life. change something in the relationship between your family. I asked the last panel to elevate his names and attributes and you know we are committed about assigning him usually have a reality now the reality come upon me to Mr. Romani. First off you

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have to rely on salatu salam Allah May Allah be a bad habit

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more than 55 years ago.

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A man by the name or that time was a child but the name

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brick Hoyt

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was strangled by the umbilical cord during his birth,

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which has led to brain damage and unable to control his limbs

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confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

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When he was nine years old, doctors told his father that your son will be vegetable for the rest of his life.

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Maybe it will be an option for you to give him up to an institution to look after him.

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Parents refuse the idea to know what will take care of our children.

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The father struggled for many years. And when the son was about 11 years old, the father went to university near Boston

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and asked them if you found that the child have a very active brain and were able to basically

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connect this activity rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching the switch by the side of his head and find that a Rick was able to come in

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Educate and talk to his parents for the first time.

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Move forward this

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young, disabled man. When he was in high school, they had organized or they organized a five miles.

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Charity run rip type does dot, dot, I want to purchase the pate.

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what's kind of interesting request his father never ever run more than a mile in his life.

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But he agreed to push his son

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basically pushed the wheelchair for this five miles.

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He was sore for two weeks afterwards, yet never done this before he was so tired, exhausted by the end of the race. But he said it's worth it.

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It's all was fine for me when my son wrote that day that when you were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore.

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That words he said this was worth all the effort, the desire to the muscle aches that I had suffer for weeks.

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He become obsessed with giving his son the feelings of walking, that feeling of running and start practice every day with his son. Every day in the morning, they go run, he pushed the wheelchair. They became so good at it. Rick wanted to participate in a math marathon. And guess what, they run 26.2 miles. And they were so fast. To the extent that the people the organizers said you're ready to purchase in the real big one, which is the known as the Boston Marathon. That many few hurdles.

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And guess what? They did the Boston Marathon. Many times. Actually they did the Boston Marathon 31 times in their lifetime together.

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But for the first time, somebody said the sun became more excited. And somebody said let's take it to another level where the participated in triathalon

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how more the guy never swam before never ride a bike since he was in sixth grade or something like that. Well, we basically are riding a bike swimming and pushing his son for that with the basic and the wheelchair and this tirtha he did it.

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He done actually 212 marathon together,

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including 15 hours Ironman Triathlon in Hawaii,

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it became an iconic became a news. wreck couldn't compete with his dad. But his dad would never compete with his son without his son.

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He has never raised alone. He said that the only he only does it to see that cantaloupe smile in his son's face by the end of every race.

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I follow up them for a while. And the last news I remember in 2013 and Boston Marathon, they had a statue made of bronze for them both because they did a 31 times. And they celebrated them one day before the marathon. But that's one marathon they didn't finish. Because of the bomb that took place that day.

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They survived. But I think next day they came in to finish it with the rest or after a week or something like weeks after that. They allowed people to come to finish the marathon. And that's the one I remember or the last I know of them. And that by the way, at that time, the father was 72 years old.

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And the son was 50 years old.

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No question about it. wreck types. My dad is the father of the century. The thing I would I would most like

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if I would ever be able to do that.

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One day to pay him back.

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He will be in the chair and I will be the one who pushing him.

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Asked me my wish in life.

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I want to leave you with this true story. So you thank ally and praise him for what you have.

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And to see how much we can do more to our children.

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In this coming holidays.

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Make your children real priority.

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The amount of time we give to something indicates its importance to us.

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One of the modern president I was reading

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about him, he said something caught my eyes. And I will end with that.

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He said, I had a soul the solely argument I had with my daughter when she was in high school. And he didn't even remember the exact thing that we argue about. But the arguing he did it in the White House. But you know, my daughter.

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And his daughter actually, you know, commented on the incident as well. And he said something very profound. Can you imagine when your son or daughter hear that from you as a father, he said to her, as long as you are in this house,

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being a president, is my second most important job.

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Can you imagine your kids Hear that? from you?

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I recommend that we all think about this. And if you have a trouble, because that's another topic I will talk about later on. How can I connect? What if somebody said sure, I would love to be that dad, but I don't know how to connect to my kids. And that's something I think worth discussion. And I highly recommend you if you have a trouble to connect with your teenager, have trouble to connect with your kids have a trouble to basically to to be that dad and for them to understand you properly. You know what, maybe it's a good idea to schedule a time with check them out, you know, Brahim myself, we can offer a lot of consulting from the experience that we built over the years.

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Or even we can help you to connect with people who specialize more of a counselors, family counselors.

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And this something worth spending time maybe reading about it more online.

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And I commend the jealous mustard all of us and they talked to the manager before that this is something comes in the tough water periods to our community, to make sure we have a strong family because strong family means strong community.

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I asked Allah subhanaw taala and usually violent.

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And in this regard, by the way, there is a conference inshallah in December 29, about this concept, the concept of parenting and especially about the concept of how to connect how to communicate with your kids, and there is even an interesting

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talk about the collapsing of parenting in a modern century today. But anyway, so hopefully we get another chance to talk about it more in details, but I want to end because we have a guest today is supposed to give the

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chef neither so I hope that you guys listen to him after the sell off for a few minutes. He's coming to speak to our community asked Allah subhanaw taala never drove an hour so I want to know what do you have you know? Yeah, it was

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a

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big one. You know when you're

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when you're

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when you're

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when you're Mohammed in Ohio

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