10 Signs You Are A Good Listener

Waleed Basyouni


Channel: Waleed Basyouni

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AI: Summary © The importance of listening to others' statements and moments in learning to understand them is emphasized, along with the need for practice listening and being aware of emotions. The speakers stress the importance of being tentative, being aware of body language, and avoiding distractions during conversations. They also emphasize the need for continuous improvement in developing skill and education on being truthful when speaking to others. The importance of teaching others to use their body language and avoiding being too aggressive is emphasized.
Transcript ©
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I shadow a

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lot ah

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I shadow

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I shall do one.

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Madonna su Ma. I shall add one more.

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Madonna Rasul Allah ma

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I'm Laura.

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in 111 hemudu want to stay in who want to study who want to stop when I was with him and chew gum for cinnamon sejati I'm Melina Maria de la Vela de la mejor. de la Allahu wa shadow Allah, Allah Allah Allah Allah. Allah. Allah. Wa shodhana Mohammed Abdullah Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam Mubarak al and abena Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam, Allahu Mehta, Sleeman kathira.

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Today I would like to speak to you about something that in the bee sallallahu Sallam used to master very well, one of his clear character,

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characteristic traits, it is a trait that is so important that it will basically elevate your ability to communicate with people to the highest level.

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And it's a virtue, if you have it. It is your ability to listen tentatively to others, just listening to other that's a virtue in itself. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom lessons, we all heard our grandmother telling us listen twice as much as he speaks, because God have a lot give you two ears and one tongue just a very common thing that we heard. You know, and that's very true, I can testify for that. I don't remember how many times my tongue have put me in trouble. But I don't remember ever my ears put me in trouble. You know. So as much as you learn how to listen to others, and to

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master this, I can guarantee you will be successful in whatever area you are at.

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Reader's Digest published something interesting, they said that many most people on the go to doctors, actually the more interested so are physicians here. More people in the come to visit doctors, they are more interested in what and then being listened to the attention that they get from doctors. That's what draws a lot of people actually to visit doctor and I like to go to doctors because they listen to them on the talk about this situation. And, you know, the attention that they get from the nurse from the staff from the doctors, even though I was a little bit disappointed. I said, Hey, let me check this out. And I found that the average American doctors spend 11 seconds

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only listening to the patient. So that's very sad. Anyway, but even that 11 seconds, believe it or not, it makes a difference it to get people you know, attention and get people to attach to you. Can you imagine if you go to buy something and the sell salesperson, don't let you talk makes all the talk all the time. Can you imagine if a judge would not listen to the people who coming to Him To make their case or He doesn't listen to the lawyers. You know, can you imagine if the teacher doesn't listen to students, if a counselor will not listen to his, you know, patient

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so it will be a problem. If a DI and Imam and

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Fortunately we preachers then tend not to listen as much as we talk, but we need to learn to listen. And sometimes we don't realize how important this is when it comes to your own spouse, when you talk and you don't listen to your spouse, and even more important when it comes to your children. So many times we think our role with our children is to talk to them.

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And you know what? Yes, we talked to them, but also we need to learn how to listen to them, how to listen to them, and to be tentative to them. Yesterday, Shama was telling me about the Hadith and Nabi sallallahu Sallam

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were on here we're reading in a book actually, and in the base of Solomon he makes his grandson comes and sit on his back and it'll be solemn, will make that sujood long until the child that has an old Hussain leaves in their owns. The point is in how Nabi sallallahu Sallam nozzoli that listening to them but giving them that time, if you do that, while the playing what you can think of the talk to him, he will not be distracted, he will not be shown that not interested in listening to them and that's one of the biggest problem and communication in general. Listen to the you heard the story of the prophet SAW Selim without a shadow of the Allah on her when she told him the story of

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Missouri This is a very long headed a story of 10 woman gathered and they start talking about their husbands. You know if you really look at the merits of the story that actually reading it just a thought there is nothing like a value and update the autofill rules or anything like that just to something happened and she was setting this up in episode was so tentative I was listening to her and listening to this story in the student woman's who gather to speak about their husbands how they treat them and you can imagine what kind of talk will be you know, a lot of criticism A lot of you know, complaining a lot of true things as well. But you know, as like normal type of talk, so

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it'd be solid did not ever show kind of disengagement, he was not disengaged in Nabhi Salam was listening to her commenting on what she's saying. And even he complimented her in the end

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of your calling, maybe salsa lamb ohmori au token Medina, T shi, t RT k LA,

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a woman to the other side, I want to talk to you so choose whatever place in Medina, you want to talk to me at whatever place you say, I will come and I will listen to you. When Algeria to Canada, Vietnamese or Salah muesli

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and younger will come pull the prophets of Salaam from his sleeps, or from his phone from the side of his shirt, she will pull the processor onto the side and interview Solomon listen to her attentively. And that's Jerry that means she's like young teenager girl.

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It's amazing how in the be selasa Lem not only with his family, not only with his community, but also some allow them listen carefully to his enemy.

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that liter of fresh came, one of the leaders of Quraysh came and he talked to the process alum in nevison was listening, listening, listening. And he said a ferrata. I've been worried after he talked all what he wants. He said, Are you finished?

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What don't want interrupted him? He said yes, everything I have I sent it to you, then it was okay. Let me tell you what I have

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sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So this is as I said, to be a good listener is not an easy thing. And I'll tell you, I'm myself have a struggle with that. And maybe mainly because of the nature of your talk, sometimes it can be hard, but you know what it's so important for you to learn how to be a good listener. So I will share with you 10 points. And you check how many points of these 10 points you have. The more you have the good, the better listener you are, okay. And remember, if you make listening and observation, your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talking. Absolutely.

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Because the art of conversation lies in listening and those who mastered the art of conversation are successful no matter which field that they are in. So number one, I want you to know that we think, okay,

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four times faster than what we when we talk like your thinking is four times faster than your words. So the question is when you're talking to someone, are you thinking

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okay, while your friends are you the other person talking to you? Are you thinking about other things?

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Your mind someone else

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If the answer is no, that's a good listener to when someone talks to you, do you really give some kind of signals that you are listening and reality are not like some people's?

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And he's someone else, huh?

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Yeah. Now sometimes I catch like people like that. I make like in the middle of the talk something so weird sauce trend and you know, you know, and said, Oh, did you eat dog today? Or did you eat meat dogs? Or like pigs or pepperoni today? Yeah.

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What? Sorry, what do you say? You just catch him in the middle. So if you think about other things, and he's trying to give a signal to your to your personally talking numbers in a way that you're, you know, listening and reality or not, you know, that's not a good sign. But if you don't, that's another good point. Second, three.

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If the person who talking to you as you know, communication is not only words, but also body language, are you impacted by you, the person that you compensate with by their body language?

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If you respond to their body language, it means you're a good listener, if you don't respond to their body language, you know, you're not a good listener. Number four,

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do you listen, that's important thing, to facts and opinion in the same manners.

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Because sometimes, we show attention or give attention to people who state facts or statistics, but when they start giving their perspectives, I don't care. Or they talk about their feelings. I don't I dismiss it, as very bad. good listeners, give equal attention to both

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people's feelings and opinions and perspectives, as well as when they lay facts.

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Number five,

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if there is so certain things, you know, distract you from listening carefully to the person. And these things are relevant to the conversation.

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Like, for example, the way they look, the way the their accent, okay? For example, whatever the wearing, like somebody said, Now, listen to the hotbar shefali. Isn't that the same quarter that you were wearing last week, is that he's not like he didn't change his his last week, you see where his mind is? Now I have a couple of them like that. You know, I mean, that's not a good listener, somebody completely. I'm wondering was this guy from, like, I was giving a talk once and somebody said, Shut the whole talk. I was thinking, what do you from? Thank you made me feel so good about my talk. You know,

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what's this accident that's up, it's just a good listener will not be distracted. It's hard to maintain 100% focus, but you try to avoid being carried by these thoughts. That's a good listener. I said, it's something that did you need training. It's a skill that you need to develop another point, which is a very important point. And unfortunately, it's very common.

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Most people don't listen, with the intent to understand

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the lesson with the intent to reply.

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That's not a good

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listener, a good listener, listen with the intent to understand what you say.

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And that's something so important so many times when you talk specially, like, I'm telling my wife something, and she's already listened to trying to figure out how to counter my talk. All I said to her, and she will be listening to me, I listened to her when she talked to me and I'm really thinking how I'm gonna refute this from three different ways. You know, your employer's talk to you, your friends, the share telling you an advice, and in your head, how to counter this advice.

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Your father telling you something on you telling you what to do in your head. Yeah, but you know that that day you did this and this. So they call up the husband rahimullah in aswa, and hung up and tons of money on sock. One of the worst manner and character trait when someone gives you an advice, he said to him, and I have an advice for you too.

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Because that shows you you're learning nothing from that person's advice. You're just basically talking about a thing about him. Another very common way you talk to someone and immediately what they do. They think about the false of your how to how to make you look, your talk is not relevant. For example,

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While you're raising your voice, while you're looking at race, why did you use this word? Okay, that's fine. But you're not listening, you're just trying to think of a way to dismiss the point that was related to you.

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Also, number seven.

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Another thing that shows you that you're a good listener, that you don't stop the person who talking to you over every little things that you disagree with.

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That's, that's not how it's pronounced.

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Oh, that's grammatical mistakes.

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This one is not right.

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I don't think it's 10 it's just seven, just for the record continue, you know, you just keep stopping the person over the details, little things, that means, if you don't do that, you're a good listener. If you don't stop the person over every little things, I need a lot of go because you'd look at the big picture, you're a good listener.

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Also, another one, which is number eight.

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Which is also very common, unfortunately, a lot of people when you talk to them, they're brainstorming at all is four times faster. So once you try, you try to figure out what is just gonna say next.

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Because you kind of understand and you immediately your brain start thinking what Ah, I'm sure you want to lead me to this conclusion. I'm sure you want to get this you know, I know that he's doing this because of that and he started like working in your head, all these kind of connections, and that will prevent you really from being a good listener. So if you want to be a good listener, don't try to analyze too much Don't try to make a speculations Don't try to do things like that just listen. And after that whatever you want to do whatever you analyze you can do that. But not while you're listening to the person that's good. listeners who will just tentatively lesson number nine

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Don't interrupt people.

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Don't interrupt me you

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either an interrupting people can be in a very straightforward by cutting them off while the talking talk talking over their talk. And also sometimes interrupt people with through some actions and like signals.

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You sit at the edge of the chair. You know they said one of the buddy Lang or someone sit in the edge of the chair means he needs to he wants to leave.

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Okay, sweetheart, that's it.

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You know, it just these signs of interruptions and the ad shows that you're bored you want to get out that's not a good listener.

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One thing also I noticed some people do.

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Just remember one of the first

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one of the first duty of love is to listen or is listening.

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That if you love someone, you will listen to them. You know. And and when you try to interrupt people on to look, I found a big difference between this and maybe this will make sense to you because it makes a lot of sense to me. This is a big difference between you. Okay, listening to someone or waiting for your turn to talk.

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I don't know if that makes sense to you. But there is a big difference between the two. I'm listening to you versus I'm just waiting for my turn to talk.

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That's not how it works and and listening and conversation.

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Number 10 which is I also find it interesting point to share.

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Some people you talk to them and they start to write everything or write points to refute you. Were not on the debate. You do this when you debate someone but when we talk to someone, it's not about taking points against me. You know he because you've been distracted with that again thinking about how you will reply or reviewed someone.

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Try to learn how to smile, how to compliment people. And you know what? I found that smiling, really engage a lot of body language helps a lot to make the person in front of you comfortable. And if you find that the person in front of you start arguing, wasting your time talking too much. You know what you need to do your respectfully. You can make your point straightforward.

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And you say thank you but by the way I need to be at some this place. You know now I have a hope by now to start. I have a salad to go to I think

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We don't have, we don't see things eye to eye into this. So no problem Sharla you cut it off. Because sometimes just you don't have all the time in the world to talk to everybody, but you don't let someone talk to you while you're sitting somewhere else completely. And obviously, we will say to everyone, make sure that you're not, you know, talk too much. And you make people like board. You know, make sure that you also when you talk to people, you yourself be moderate. This is etiquette related to the listeners. There's other etiquette related to the person who talks. But that's not what this whole book is about. I ask Allah Subhana Allah to give us this beautiful character trait

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to be good listeners. And I hope that these tips will help us to improve that. Hello, Mr. Mehta. Mustapha, Lottie Welcome to stouffville.

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From dairy loco, Salatu, salam, ala Nava,

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I would like to say in the end of my hope for today,

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many times when we go through a tough time, hard time, challenging time,

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we will always see people react to this in two ways. Some people keep it for themselves. And there is other people like to vent and to speak about their issues and their problem. So a lot of people will turn to you to vent to you to talk to you. And that's one of the thing the art of listening will help you a lot. But I have certain guidelines I want you to be aware of, especially when people come to vent to you, you know, a sister come to you to talk to you about her father, or a brother come to you talk about his parents, or about her husband or about his wife, or about his community. You know, sometimes moms comes and said to me, shahana talked about my community, or my friends or

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partners, okay, so I want you to be aware of that following. Number one, it is a good thing to let people vent to you because that shows trust, love, and sometimes it makes a lot of people relax. Keeping it inside it is you know, it can be like a ticking bomb. You don't know when you can at any destroy from inside. But when you listen to someone who's venting to you, be careful, don't try to disturb ridgeville Haley Don't try to you know,

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learn more. That's somebody telling you something private when you listen sometimes or or what else he did, you know, since when it is like that? I'm like, What about this? You know, my husband's is this is okay, what about, you know, his relationship with you? What's your business we'd see. He basically sometimes when people vent to you because they are vulnerable, and they are very open book. At this point, Sydney will spill the beans. So your role is not to take as much information from the person. You're not an undercover agent

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trying to get us a bunch of information to report it. That's not a good manners. Also, make sure when people vent to you, you don't make a judgment of other people based on that venting. So somebody come to me and talk to me about you know, Ibrahim, Ibrahim is your neighbor shaftless right? Yeah, I love isn't it Yeah, he's behind Allah. I made the business with him and this and this. I don't just go judge your brain. Maybe there is a misunderstanding between him and the person

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in it and also please make sure that you don't not only don't judge don't take actions against other people based on this venting don't treat people unfairly just because someone venting and talk to you it's a disturbed it basically information out complete. Allah Allah says in the Quran when Jana confessor can be never in for tourbillion and to see will come and be Johanna photo speaker and mF ultimate admin if news come to you someone you know fast don't just take it for granted. Especially when there is a personal thing here

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number four when someone venti and this is hard, make sure that you don't turn this to be a gossip gather Yanni somebody tell you Oh, you know, my, you know,

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my my husband's or my wife, you know, she is so old he is so stingy. Yeah, I know man, I'm smell so bad. Like, you know, they all smell bad. They always this. That's a reason. Why would you involve yourself honestly, somebody's telling you, you know, make sure to transfer it from LIBOR is

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To be backbiting to be about consulting about helping about giving you know the right to direct the person. Also, it's so important when some come to vent to you to teach them how to vent to Allah.

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Ash co bethey wisely in Allah, in America with your Islam, you need to teach people that as the feel the need to vent to human beings, they also must learn how to vent to Allah,

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to complain to Allah, to basically raise them to add to Allah, to pray to Him subhanho wa Taala make sure that you encouraged him to have sober

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Also, make sure that you give this person chance to give you the whole story. Don't cut them off.

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Unless there is things which is not appropriate. And that's my last point. When someone vent to you. I'll help you if you see something how long you say that's how

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usually my husband he commit Zina

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was in the UK accusing someone with Xena is a major sin in Islam with adultery Why are you saying that sister about your husband? or Why are you saying this about your brother or about your father or over your partner? Why I saw him chatting and bad websites or you know watching this or saying you know with a girl you're going to meet up yeah good that's haram to me but doesn't mean Xena that serious you should not let things like this slide. You tell them and educate them this is how long there's not a lot this might be there is a misunderstanding. You know you know what i'm sorry but if you want the truth you wrong about this. And he is right she is right. And you're wrong about that.

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Sometimes you have to be doesn't mean that because a Soviet man Soraka Clements of duck. true friends will be truthful with you will not just keep saying oh that's true. That's true. That's true. That's not a truthful friend.

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truthful will tell you the truth that they believe it is. And they're in the right proper white. So I hope this will help us as we listen to people to manage those skills well because it is absolutely essential for success in life.

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I ask Allah Subhana Allah to make us all successful in our life. And we ask Allah subhanaw taala to forgive our sins the sins of our tongue and the sins of our ears and the sins of our

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any all our senses alarming and he said Oh, can I fall off? Yeah, well I thought that that mfe Dini with dunya will marry what Allah What? A lot of mofetil and all him know ivanoff on a criminals with an Al hammer. bohemian. alarming. Yes. Look at Huda took our alfalfa field and our reality Deena Deena overland. What law home of Atlanta only worried you know, even more to me and then Muslim he knows. I mean, you know me not what sallallahu wasallam Americana Nabina Muhammad Allah. He was off but he was a little Allahumma de Sleeman kathira a lot more head get him into misdemeanor and no doubt will yell at him car home over donham sharara home long and it's okay other July God calm and

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tedra and then fitness the other January kahraman. Fitness deanwood Fitness manual earlier word. Now the weekend in Charlotte vitani malba hard I mean how am i button. Now the word gkl Jelani will econ Allah who can now listen that you know he had an alpaca and rollin I know solomo salamander and abena Mohammed xe roominess Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah increase your salons and I'm also on Friday, as he said so Allah so lemon Friday, say as much as you can slot send your colossal amount of solar during this day in LA home at iica. Who you saw Luna had an AV Yeah, you have Medina Amman or son Lou. He was a limiter sliema sallallahu. Early he was selling a home with a solid Johan

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