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Heroes – How did Br Hishaam defeat pornography

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Wael Ibrahim

Channel: Wael Ibrahim

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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How are you? Delhomme the lamb well, how are you shake

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Alhamdulillah tell us more time where you are now. It's a It's 11am in the UK. Okay, so you woke up early and you came on time masala tomato caliber. You told me that you feel like you're sleeping or something? Is it because of the interview? Is it because of the shock factor that you're gonna talk about this issue for the first time? No, I've

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recently became a father against my newborn with keeping me up in the night. Long. Masala, congratulation brother, may Allah bless you. Thank you, I just want to start off by acknowledging your courage, by acknowledging your bravery, to accept my invitation to come and speak about something that most people when they are affected by it. They prefer to keep it to themselves. They prefer to keep it hidden. Due to of course the shame associated with the practice. So you'll be one of those who went through that journey of getting stuck in the cycle of addiction for many, many years, Inshallah, we will leave you to give us the background.

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And now what hamdulillah blah, mean? You're married. Blessed with

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two kids, Allahu Akbar. Mashallah. Three, three yet? You see I missed one of them's fall off.

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And I remember my brother, he SHAN I remember very vividly that all of your concern, what was one of your fears? When we used to talk about recovery, you know, that,

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that you wouldn't be able to marry or you were reluctant to marry? Because you're afraid that your addiction may affect on your wife, your family members? Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that conversation is very well, I remember those concerns very well. So yeah, I was I was

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I was very keen to, to get that sorted before 400 in that, so now, I want you to take me a little bit back to the days when brother Hashem was into that cycle. And we don't want to get into the details of like, how did you become addicted? And what led you to this? What led you to that? I just want you to explain to our viewers, our brothers and sisters who perhaps have children,

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what are the emotional and mental draining, you know, stage that you went through? When you were stuck by yourself? Not telling anyone even before meeting myself about you addiction? How was brotherly sham look like? And how did you look like at the time emotionally, emotionally and mentally it's very draining because you're in a very lonely place. You know, you're you're essentially stuck and you're looking for a way out and you're trying to do it by yourself. And you know, when there's not much success in doing it by yourself, you know, it's a very lonely place to be it's very sad place to be, you know,

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more often than not, you know, I'm by myself lonely and depressed

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you know, trying to

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due to a self help and you know, it's not you know, it's not really working out very well. So you know, your success factor or the lack of success factor is like you know, playing a part in you know, the mental drain this and the emotional drain this and it's a very draining experience to to to try to be in a position where you're trying to break the addiction stack where not being able to

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and what areas in your life and your time was mostly affected as a result of this secretive addiction

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I mean, with pretty much all aspects of my life you know, so

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I wouldn't like go out to see people or anything like that

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you know, at work I'll feel very sleepy very tired.

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You know, I wouldn't be able to just reach even reach out to like my own friends and family and and I even have like a desire to like meet and be with them. Like, I would want to like shut myself off be alone and that type of thing. And you know, it'll just be a cycle again, well, you know, you're you're trying to break free but you know, you're in a position where you just want to isolate yourself and that only exasperates the problem so it puts them in like a never ending cycle so um, so yeah, affected effects. My hope is my work life.

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It affected going to sleep it affected waking up.

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Like in all aspects of my life were pretty much affected by by addiction. Yeah, I can. I can imagine that. And I'm not sure if you read my latest book on the subject aware, find out who you are without porn, where I decided to select only 12 segments.

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of the society that are mostly affected by pornography. And after, after the book was written, I came up with the list of even 20 other segments and other areas in our lives that are being affected by this and spent a lot I was thinking of part two of the book because I didn't really do justice to the the subjects of analog. And and so I echo what you mentioned that every pretty every aspect of every

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area in our life is being affected as a result. Back in the days people thought that, you know, pornography is, is a phase pornography is just a man's thing. Pornography is just something that a person would do, and at will they can quit. Tell us about this phase that most porn addicts? Why is the idea of the denial zone? I'm not addicted, something will disappear. As we progress. Yeah, I mean, I mean, you said a very key word that you said, you know, at will, you know, I don't think it was ever at will. Because you know, deep deep in my heart, and deep in my mind, you know, I was so desperate to escape. But you know, the addiction is to the point where, you know, your neurology is

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wired such that,

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like, even the most common day to day triggers just leads you down a path that you don't want to go down. So you know, you mentioned there at will, but like, it's almost like you don't have a will. It's almost like

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this addiction cycle is pushing you to places where you don't you physically don't want to go there. But yet, you know, you find yourself in a situation where you know,

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one thing leads to another and before before you know it, you notice another relapse. And so yeah, key word there will but you know, the digital was such that if there was like, you don't really have a will. But yeah, in terms of like in terms of a phase? No, I don't think so. Because

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it goes back to what I was saying about,

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like neurology and how your brain gets wired, like, especially like, especially for me and probably other people as well, when this addiction starts off in childhood and teenage years, you know, a key time in someone's development of their brain. So you know, straight away, your brain is being wired in a very particular way. And you know, once it's the wildlife that is really difficult to unwire it or to rewire it. So you know, if for some people, it might be a phase, but for other people, you know, when it's gone on for one year, two years, three years, 10 years, 20 years, then it's no longer a phase anymore. It's you know, you're, you're physically wired into your addiction, and you

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need help to get out of your addiction. Wow. You know, you mentioned something that Dr. Michael Corr mentioned these book, The addicted brain. He's an specialize in the field of addiction in general, possibly substance addiction free, he said that addictions follows the same pattern. And he said that Allah, he didn't say a lava. That's the antidote, our belief, of course, that our brain has the ability to rewire itself and go back to its original shape. So no matter how much, or how many things you have introduced to your brain that is unhealthy, our brain has still has the power to go back to its original shape. And that's rewarding process that you just mentioned. And he said, The

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only downside of the matter is that it takes a bit of time. So what you have built into your brain, or what you have introduced into your brain for years, it cannot be just, you know, vanished overnight, or within a month or two, our brain will definitely change if you started doing the right thing consistently. But it may take a bit of time to rewire itself and go back to its original shape. And that's why we can't go about the recovery on our own without support. And that's why I said ask for help. Because how many years bro, have you been into that cycle?

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It was 12 years.

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At the time, that was more than half of my life. There was that long. Wow.

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Ha yeah. I mean,

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you say a very key thing at that time is key to recovery. So just just my own experience of that, you know, I would say, you know, the very first few months, I you know, the toughest were the,

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the the withdrawal symptoms are the harshest at that time. But you know, like, like, like a year later, two years later, you know, it's, it's almost like, it's almost like it's, it's, it's not even there. And you know, fast forward to this decision. I mean, you know, I think this year would be would be the fifth year my recovery. And it's like, you know, it's like it's not even it's not even there anymore. You know, there's something I don't know

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You know, beforehand is something I would have to think about managing on a day to day, hour to hour second to second level. And, you know, now it's not now it's, you know, it's not even crossing my mind. It's not even, like part of my thought process. It's not part of my day to day anymore. So yeah, like, from my personal experience, like, like the time for recovery is is,

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is so key. But it's, yeah, it's a case of, you know, finding that help to manage you along those initial that initial time periods where it's the harshest, and then once you can, once you can learn to crawl and walk that then you can learn to run. It's That's it. That's it. Excellent, excellent. Brother, I wanted to clarify something to our viewers, Joe, if you don't mind, many people have contacted me when they saw the poster, that a brother who used to be an addict to this content is coming now live and people are going to see him and recognize them isn't this and, you know, discouraged act in Islam, you know, exposing one's sins and all that. So, I wanted to clarify that

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part before we inshallah further now there is a difference between exposing incense since in the in the sense that you go out and expose it in, in a proud manner, like you're boasting about your sin, by you know what I do this, and I don't care. This, of course, is an act that is discouraged. And it's, of course sinful in Islam. But if you are trying to use your past, trying to narrate a story about what you used to do in the past, with the intention of inspiring others, that's absolutely from Islam. That's absolutely an act that the companions of the Prophet Muhammad SAW selling used to do. What is my evidence here? Because people say, Oh, where did you get that from? job for him, NaVi

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fathered me, I love you please with him. That cousin of the Prophet Muhammad SAW sell them was the person in charge of the first migration group that traveled from Mecca to the senior in MIT and the Joshua King, when and the Joshy the King, the Christian king of Ethiopia at the time, asked him, What did your Prophet teach you teach you? He said, we work we didn't say what is the teaching is what was the teaching. He said, We were you we used to worship idols, we used to drink alcohol and eat this wine we used to and he stopped listening since

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remember this story, go on one, go read the whole speech of the Jaffa an avatar, to energy that came to learn that narrating your past sins, of course, not in details, we don't want to go into details and see exactly what we used to do. But if you just mention a glimpse of life, about what used to do in the past, with that intention of perhaps encouraging others to take the same path of recovery and become well, there is no such shame about that at all, no sin at all. According to many machines I spoke to as well. So may Allah bless you, man for coming over and showing that intent of helping people out? Yeah, I mean, before today, like it was three people who knew yourself, my wife and my

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doctor. And yeah, the motivation for for speaking to you today is, you know,

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I used to sit in on probably calls just like this listening to people say, you know, I made a recovery. And I used to sit there thinking, No, you know, some, you're not being honest here. You're like, you know, it's too difficult. You know, it's, you're not telling the complete picture. But you know, now I'm on the other side of the fence, and I want to be able to say, you know, it can be done is really tough. And you do need a lot of help. But the fundamental End Road is that it can be done. And yeah, that's, that's, that's the motivation to speaking to you and going live today. Low burning, love listening. Before before accepting my invitation for today. When did you decide to

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reach out to me in the first place for you know, counseling, and coaching sessions, like when, when and why won't be many people around the world?

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So, I was quite, it was quite early on in my,

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in my addiction cycle that I realized that, you know, I probably can't do this on my own, I need help. So, so, so for context, you know, my addiction cycle probably started, you know, maybe 11 years old, maybe even younger, but I'd say you know, 11 years old, that's probably where it started to kick off and I can't remember what year that was, but

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2004 Maybe around that time. 2004 2005

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So I probably I probably got to about

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14 years old before realized right?

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I keep telling myself I want to stop, I can't stop. So what's what's going on here?

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And you know, like age 14, age 15, age 16, I'll try by myself. But I realized, oh, you know,

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I keep I keep trying to like, and I didn't like keep falling back into the addiction cycle, like what's going on here.

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And then maybe when I was about,

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I think it would have been 2015, I would have been 2122 at that stage, that's when I realized, you know, I, I need to make a serious effort now to reach out to someone to get help. So I think in that same year, I came across a video of yours on YouTube, just saying, you know, if you've got a problem, reach out to me. So I, I took that I took the link to that video, and I put it to one side. Okay, we're gonna, we're gonna reach out to shake while Ibrahim. And I'm gonna find the very few to do it. So fast forward a year, and I couldn't find the bravery to write to you.

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And then I saw on Facebook that after, after a year, I think you had a, like a recovery, like a recovery circle. And like, even even then, like, I slowly watch, all these places get filled up. So then there was like, one place less than zero place left. And I was like, Wow, gosh, I've like run out of time now.

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So I looked elsewhere in the UK for services, I wasn't really too happy with their level of counts, feeling I almost felt that, you know, some of the services that I went to were trying to tell me off, which is which is, which is good. I need to tell him off that I suppose what I'm trying to say is they weren't

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encouraging me to,

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to, to have an open and honest discussion with them. It was very much I almost felt, you know, they were looking down upon me. And yeah, maybe rightly so. But we'll talk about that another time. So I decided, okay, I won't go down that avenue. But hey, check while here. Why don't we just pluck up the courage and write to him and see what he can do to us. So about after a year of having your, your, your video saved, like in my, in my, my computer, only fucked up the courage to write a nice long email and opened up to you? And, and yeah, you're just, you're just so friendly with your services. You were so friendly with your conversation, you've made me feel so at ease.

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Yeah, so yeah, just finding the right counselor and find the right person is also very key, I suppose I suppose, you know, if you want to break the cycle, it's important to get help. But it's also important to get the right help from the right person who is going to help you. So that's, that's kind of my journey on how I got, I've got talking to you. Now, brother, I remember that we had a couple of sessions, Mashallah. And I actually told you at one point that you are one of the most serious clients that I have actually come across, you remember that? Yeah, you are I actually predicted your success. I'm not sure if you remember, but I do remember your case very, very well.

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Although hamdulillah be meeting a lot of people in the past now nearly nine years.

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But you're one of those people that stood out during the recovery.

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Mashallah, you were very intelligent. And you're also always planning the future and always considering all avenues. And

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why am I telling you this? I want you to tell your audience now your audience masala

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what is that? Or what are these characteristics that you had at that time that made me say that,

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so that when, when anyone seek recovery, I was talking to a client today. And he said, Listen, I am I'm a, I'm the GPS, but you are the driver.

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I'm not taking you anywhere. I'm just telling you where to go. It's up to you now to follow the direction or to treat and blame no one but yourself for that. So can you just highlight a few points that people will consider when they start their recovery journey? What are the attitudes that we should demonstrate in discipline? Sure. So I think for me, you know, it's important to have a framework on why you want to leave your addiction in the first place. And for me, it was you know, very much you know, I failed

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Islam that you know, what we're doing is a sin highly encouraged

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you know, it's not pleasing your Creator and that and that's really what it was for me that's so pleasing my Creator pleasing Allah that's that's why I live for it. If I'm if I'm doing this, then I'm done. I'm not pleasing my Creator.

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I'm not pleasing Allah. So it's something that that we have to, we have to cut out and have to get rid of. But the issue lies in that it's such a tough place to escape, you know, I've heard people say, you know, it's tougher than heroin addiction tougher than cocaine addiction, tougher than, you know, alcohol addiction, probably one of the toughest addictions to leave. So therefore, you have to try harder than the addiction is trying against you. So really, I had to get probably, like, my whole life had to be geared around leaving the digital cycle.

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And so that's where that's where the level that's in my mind, that's where the level of effort is coming, okay, so

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we have a problem, and we need to overcome it, it's a really tough problem, therefore, we have to be equally as tough.

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And I suppose everything as you know,

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in any field of success, you know,

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there's always an element of, you have to keep trying, and you have to keep going.

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There is no success of our failure, you know, if you failed, and you try again, and if you fail, again, you try again. And if you fail, again, you keep keep trying, and you keep on going until you get to your success. And you know, it won't be it won't be just me that says that, you know, if you speak to any elite athlete, or any person in a place of success, you know, they'll tell you, you know, maybe we failed, you know, hundreds of times before we found, you know, the key ingredients that made our businesses success, or, you know, if you speak to a sports person, you know, they'll tell, you know, we failed, you know, hundreds 1000s of times, before we became the most elite sports

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person, you know, in the world, and, you know, breaking addiction, breaking the addiction cycle is exactly the same thing. But you know, there are going to be the, you know, it's not one straight road that, you know, you try, and then you fail. And then you know, if you if you don't, if you don't succeed, then you know, you just give up, that's not really the way to go.

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You know, it was very much a case of okay, we'll try and if we fail, we try again. And if we fail, we keep trying, and we keep going until the problem is resolved. And really, that's really that's really,

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that's really where I got to where, you know, listen, every time. Yeah, every time I failed, you're not I learned something new about myself, I learned something new about the circumstances, you know. So it was all all of those failures amalgamated into now having like the complete picture, the complete vision on what I need to do to stay successful.

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I was talking to one of our clients just a while ago, and I told I told him that far last times, we miss the, the point of why we ended up in being in that situation. We failed to realize if we kept on fighting that challenge, or kept on facing that challenge with the intention that we wanted to end it once and for all. And if we die fighting, even before recovery, if we die fighting, maybe that's the gate that will open the doors for Jana, for us. So I always advise my clients that listen, I know it's tough. I know it's not easy to get back to where you know, to your original self. But at least when when you die in that state of fighting again and again getting up as you

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mentioned, you get knocked out you get up again and keep on on going throughout the journey of recovery. Allah subhanaw taala maybe will take you to Jenna because of that insistence. You know, we have scholars, a scholar used to say, a liberal I said Beeman Subak li bra Beeman, Sabbath political light away that they did that determination whether you will go to John our or Hellfire

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is because of your insistence and going toward the journey or towards the towards Allah subhanaw taala until the last breath, you may not you may never reach to Allah subhanaw taala you may never reach to that level. But if you died on the road, that's what matters to Allah Spanta you died while going there. So insist and persist and keep fighting and keep facing your challenge and life is all about challenges. Maybe this is your challenge. So don't ever regret being there of course regret the sin and the qualities associated with it.

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But don't let that prevent you because now there is a new trend brother it was not in your days. This is a new new trend now. I'm not sure you we didn't spoke about it at that time. But there are many clients of mine now that who said that the the lost faith in Allah subhanaw taala.

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As a result of this, why because as you know the cycle makes people that will be relapsed the wakeup that relapses usually or once you reach to that pleasurable moment

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immediately reality hits

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immediately that dark phase of guilt and shame and you know, heaviness in the heart and then repentance phase. Yeah, people think about and then the idea Allah forgive me, please help me and so on.

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And then three, four days again, three, four days later there again back into the same cycle. So because of this, they give up on Allah's panitan

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You see how pornography could destroy not only now your relationships, your sex life, your, you know, productivity level career, now your very faith is snatched away from you because of this issue. So people are giving up, do giving up Salah giving up the practice because they thought that Allah had given up on them, when in fact Allah has given him it, giving them a challenge to perhaps cleanse them completely from the sense if they consistently fault against its followers. That's my new insights of trying to inspire people to keep fighting this addiction because it's super prevalent. That's why I call it pandemic.

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Allah bless you, bro. Yes, yes. Gone. Yes, these people are just want to say, you know,

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wow, what's a lot

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no worries, take it easy to these people are just want to say you know,

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but use it as an opportunity to turn back to your to your crate.

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Like, like,

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Allah is, you know, his two names are rough man or Rahim, the most merciful, especially most popular, like,

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like every time, every time you fail, no matter what it is, if it's addiction cycle or something else, then just turn back to Allah. Nope, no problem, it's okay to, to repent and say, you know, I'm not going to do the sin again. And you know, to ask Allah for his forgiveness center, and to go again, in that regard, absolutely had to take the necessary measures and other solutions in place. So I always say to people that are on its own will not solve the problem. supplications and prayers are essential in the Muslims life, but they're not the ultimate solution to addiction, we have to do other things. And things that you did, brother is that you started thinking of getting married. And

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I remember that I encouraged you a lot. But I also gave you an advice. Now let me test your memory. I give you advice before the marriage, I told you to do something related to your fiance, then.

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What was that? And why was that important to you?

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You told me to tell my fiance about my my addiction problem.

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And that was

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that was important. So that those that you know, she's going into the marriage with some expectation, and so that there's also an additional person there to help me as well.

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And was that brother solution? Was that was that solution really beneficial? Or did it cause any, any harms or anything like that?

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It was a really good suggestion.

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So

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so just the backstory for the audience. So I didn't actually take you up on on your offer to tell my fiancee at the time.

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But three weeks into my marriage, I did open up to my wife. And I said to her like, this is this is the, this is the problem that I had. These are the steps I took to resolve it.

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And just kind of what do you think about that? And, you know, I was expecting her to say, oh, you know, I'm packing my bags, and I'm off. Thank God, thanks very much. You know, You've deceived me a little bit. But as you know, she didn't say that at all she was

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she was a preacher, appreciative of the efforts that I'd gone to, in order to fix myself up.

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And, you know, it's just, it's really helped our relationship because now we can be really open and honest with each other, you know, like that. For me, it was, you know, very dark moments in my life, which I've shared with someone and you know, to be able to, to do that only strengthens your relationship. So, you know, my advice to anyone else watching this, you know, do exactly the same thing. I think, I think there's always that innate fear that you know, you're going to be charged and people are gonna say, oh, you know, I don't want to know you anymore. You know, you're a bad person.

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You know, you're gonna use you deceive me a little bit. You haven't been completely honest with me. But I think the actual response is more you know, people appreciate when you have had a difficulty in your life and you

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I have made steps to overcome that difficulty. I think, generally people do appreciate that, you know, whatever addiction is, you know, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, gambling, people do appreciate that, you know, if you were a problem gambler, if you had problem drinking or your problems working, you know, that's in the past now, and you've made some steps to overcome your problem. And I think people appreciate those steps that one takes in or in order to break the addiction cycle. Absolutely. And people appreciate honesty. Like, I didn't actually deceive you. And I thought when I told you, I didn't deceive you, I just waited for perhaps the right time for me to

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develop the courage to come and tell you something like that. Most people who come to me, they want me to be their accountability partners. And I always say that I can't be your accountability partner, because I don't know you much. I'm your guide, your teacher, your, but I can't be your accountability partner and accountability partners, someone who need to know you to know the ins and outs about your schedule to follow you to you know, monitor your devices. That's an accountability partners, Pamela.

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But those people that went when they are faced with that shock for them, like, oh, we thought she was going to be like,

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working for us,

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then they give up the program, they give up the journey to toward recovery. Why because they are not willing to open up that dark side of their life with someone else that they love with someone else that actually they trust, you know, find someone that you trust that you, you believe that they will actually help you out. And that person will impact your recovery will impact your life in that in that direction. And we have the law, I was so glad that you had that courage to open up with your wife. And I'm even more glad that she was receptive and open up to the challenge to support you. And she did May Allah bless her. And now you guys have three kids, may Allah bless them. And now you

00:32:08--> 00:32:26

know a lot about visitors devices and internet and how on website, now it's your, your time to stand up to that challenge, but in a different way. And that is to educate, you get to what's your plan in that area, like what to do about your children and devices and internet and

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cell homes, a lot of technologies, like really good nowadays, you get a lot of parental controls, but you know, reparative parental controls have been there for a very long time. You know, I think the difference between my generation and maybe my parents generation is that, you know, I know about the parental controls, and I know how to turn them on. And I know how to have them configured so that, you know, my home is nice and safe. Whereas, you know, my parents, maybe, maybe, you know, were they ever told that there were parental controls, were they ever told that, you know, you can turn it on, you can configure it, probably not.

00:32:59--> 00:33:01

So yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's one one of the

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times of attack for myself to you know, configure the parental controls, but you know, it's, it's more than just that, you know, it's things like, you know, I probably wouldn't let my kids

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have unfettered access to the internet, or, you know, I wouldn't let them go, you know, be alone with with a smart device in the home, you know, it's like having a load, I would say, it's like having a loaded gun in the house, and then you have to treat it like such.

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And, you know, I think also a key difference about my generation, maybe my parents generation is that, you know,

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maybe my parents generation, you know, thought, you know, like I were talking before, like it might be a face and it goes and it comes in it goes. Whereas, you know, maybe my generation are more alert of the fact that, you know, this is a object that can linger for years and become problematic for years. So, you know, for me, as soon as my children become of an age where, you know,

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they want to go on the internet, and they want to play games, and they want to visit these sites, you know, I have to have that conversation with them and have a sit down conversation with them to say, you know, this is what is out there. And if you see this, this this this purpose, if you see it, this is the procedure you take, you know, it's things like you know, you say, Oh, the bIllahi min, Ash shaytaan a regime, you know, close to the screen straight away, turn the device off, come tell mommy or other, you know, come tell a parent, you know, and we'll come take a look and, you know, it's making them feel, you know, safe and secure that and not ashamed that you know, you don't

00:34:32--> 00:34:50

have to feel ashamed to come tell us and you can you can tell us in four out together, there is no, there is no shame, you don't have to feel bad. You don't have to hide it behind your back. You don't have to bury your head. You know, we can have that open and honest discussion about you know, what did you see and why is it bad? Why we shouldn't why we shouldn't look at these things.

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Now much automaticall I actually I'm always in favor of the last tip that you gave and that is conversation and education as well.

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And it's not like one off thing, like, you know, I've done with the big talk, you know what I've done with the puberty talk. It's like, you know, you throw the advice and you never revisit. It's it's a constant thing that parents should bear in mind, that technology had changed a lot in a in a massive manner that even our generations, even people in the field of addiction, like myself in internet addiction, many times would find that our children are more tech savvy than all of us. And they get around things in, in a manner that describe their their age. And the age is always love, rebellious activities. So we should always be on the top of our game, through education, and also

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put these security measures in place, may Allah make it easy for all of us and for our children. I mean, finally, Inshallah, because I don't want to take much of your time, but find a point.

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The key, the key action, that contributed massively in your recovery. But if there is, because we discuss a lot of things, yeah, many, many tips here and there and things didn't work, things work. Well, what is that one thing that really

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was a game changer in your recovery. And after that, please, after that, after you mentioned, you Please end the conversation with a good word of advice to everyone who's listening to you now, who's who's in the same cycle of porn addiction that you went through? Sure. So I've thought very long and hard about this one factor that was key. And for me, it is without a doubt. And my message to the audience, if you take away one thing from this interview, it's the what I'm about to tell you right now, is that you open up and you tell someone who is in a position to help you. So

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don't tell anybody, tell someone who can help you. So for example, you know, maybe you have friends and family, you can tell them, but they won't necessarily be able to help you. But maybe there are trained counselors out there, you know, trained in the field of addiction trained in the field of breaking the cycle, who can help you. And it's just so important to tell someone to overcome that shame barrier,

00:37:29--> 00:37:30

to have a helping hand.

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Because it can't, it's very difficult to do alone. You know, the, the narrative I can give is, you know, if you fall down, you know, you can get back up, but sometimes you might fall back down, but if someone's helping you to get up, maybe you're more likely to stay on your feet. So it's just telling someone who is in a position to help you out. That's the that's the the one key thing that that really helped my own recovery. And I think without that would help in anybody else's recovery. May Allah make it easy to open

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Hamdulillah I remember I remember the story of the one year thing that you had a video of mine in your position for a year, but you were hesitant to contact me for a year. So no matter how long it takes a person to to decide, I think there is no time that is too late. So once you reach to that realization that it's just about time. Don't ever regret the time that has been wasted. Because there are many people who lived during the time of the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim, who fought against him, who killed his family members. And at the end of the journey of their lives, they became Muslims and they became part of that OMA and they didn't look back, of course, they regret

00:38:53--> 00:39:18

the bloodshed. They regret the coffer they regret a lot of things. But slowly a joke, Boomer, Islam wipes out anything that went before it. So once you make an amendment, and once you make that decision, don't look back now it's time to look at this present moment, what is it that can be done to change my future? Allahu Ugra. So you see, no path should be discussed anymore.

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It should be now I'm alive. Now. Allah has given me an opportunity to progress life and to become successful, I have the potential I know that I'm good at this, this this. And whatever I will do now will contribute to my future. If I resisted with addiction, it will also contribute to my future but in an ugly, negative manner. But if I shifted things around, and I decided to do something better, with the help of people, as you mentioned, experts or otherwise your wife wasn't an expert in anything, right? I mean, she didn't.

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But she stood by your side and she knew from here and there from yourself, you shared with her information.

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About what what is the role of an accountability partner perhaps and she was on the top of the game and now hamdulillah you're blessed with a beautiful family three kids, may Allah protect them and

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prevent them from falling into any of these activities. I mean our blonding brother Hashem Allah Battle Creek It was lovely having your phone long time.

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Man, I congratulate you for this courage May Allah subhanaw taala make this in the spirit of

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a male on Tala. With everyone who's listening to you now and take a decision to change his life to the better be in the scarier will be. And that's why I was insistent that you should be my guest today is like, really stay connected. Stay in touch inshallah. And we'll see you it's all the time we love when you come a coach with our academy so you can help people recover and so

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people on the internet I know that whenever we discuss this topic, there's a shame associated with it. That's why we couldn't find any questions I know. But in case you have any questions in Charlottetown, and you want to reach on a private message.

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If the question is related to brother Hashem Himself, I will make sure that he will receive the question and perhaps answer whenever he's ready or whenever he's free. But if you want to ask anything about this issue, or if you need to recover and decide something about your life, you can always reach us in sha Allah Tala, the email address is info at aware academy.com.au info at aware academy.com.au rizact Lacan once again brother Hashem Allah bless you salaam to your family and people online does that last line for attending Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu Welcome

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to

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man we stop the