Halal Intimacy #03 – The Sex Talk

Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Brothers and Sisters in Islam and everyone who's watching be aware Academy YouTube channel. We have done it and we got in touch with Austin, Abdul Latif Abdullah. He's the author of that amazing book, halal intimacy, and Hamdulillah. We had the pleasure of speaking very briefly in the past few days via WhatsApp to arrange for this interview on Marshall Lata Baraka law all the way from Nigeria. Today is joining me brother Abdul Latif Abdullah he As Salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato says I'm the Latif.

Why aliquots Salam, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Sheikh Ibrahim Javi Vizag Hello, Hi, Ron, for accepting our humble invitation and thank you so much for being so quick in responding to the call of referee the publisher of your amazing book hello in Tennessee, our bookstore thank you so much for being with us today. I mean, one to find yourself in a lot of theater. And before just before we started the recording, you told me that you are speaking from Nigeria and it is raining. I visited Nigeria I think once

and I never seen rain brother or what I have seen is hot weather is it does it rain during the winter during the summer. Tell us a little bit about the weather before getting into the talk in Sharla.

The weather in Nigeria is moderate. Sometimes we have rain and sometimes we have fought weather

but

that's cold that's okay. In fact we have some areas with extreme cold then we have areas with mild cold where I am now we have we have mild cold and it is raining right now.

Here in a lorry or states capita and whereas state is a state in Nigeria Mashallah. MashAllah is not set, Julia North Central Nigeria. Excellent inshallah. Next time we can meet in person in Nigeria or when you fly over to Australia where I am today. And may Allah subhanaw taala. Accept your effort. I was so amazed to see your book, when it was published, are so happy to see that there are people still hamdulillah in our community who are brave enough to tackle such topics due to its importance, and that's why I was immediately in a rush to purchase the book and to arrange this video series. I'm so sad that I didn't know you beforehand. SubhanAllah. But I'm so glad that this book was the

gateway to get to know you and hopefully inshallah we can further collaborate in the future. Sheikh Abdul Latif, congratulations, first of all for your beautiful book. And I wanted to start with this perhaps common question that many people have on mind about the topic of the book. Why did you decide to actually write on Halal intimacy, thank you very much, but read the Allah continue to assist you. I want to use this opportunity to first thank you for acknowledging the book, because there are some people in our world when they see good things, they may not be able to appreciate it. So I thank you very much for appreciating these efforts. May Allah continue to strengthen you.

I am a student of Sharia. In the first place, tended prostate college where I began Islamic legal studies where I studied Sharia and common law. I also moved to University of Loring

Knott, central Nigeria will also be common and Islamic law. I did combine an Islamic law in University of Beloit. And one of the purposes for Sharia students in these two institutions is what we call Islamic family law. A one shot fear. So this is one of my favourite courses. And even as a lawyer, I love the course

so much. So most of my writings on social media and those and several other places on Islam family law, I love to admonish people on marriage, even before I got married in 2015 been someone who was keen about admonishing people on how to have excellent marriage. And this is because of what I've studied as a cause. And that is Islamic family law. So now looking into Islamic family law, you find out that the family is the smallest unit of the society.

Without having a sound family, we cannot have a sound, locality or environment. Without the sound environmental cannot have a sound community, a sound state or a sound, a sound nation.

So most of the problems we are facing in our society today are from the fact that most people are starting their family on a very wrong background.

So one of the matters, that many scholars in our society today are living on treated

is the issue of intimacy. The issue of nobody was talking about sex. Nobody wants to talk about anything relating to AIDS.

But why whereas when you look at the books of scholars of the past, you will find out that their books are voluminous read regarding this matter.

They didn't mince their words.

During the course of my research, I had the opportunity to speak with some scholars and they were able to expose me to some of the sayings of the scholars regarding this matter. In fact, the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, have laid clear foundations for this matter. But out of shyness, people don't want to talk and we are getting so much problems from this. If you look at our society we are in in an over sexualized world,

which a lot of people have interest in sex. Many people don't read books, but when they see sex, they read about it.

So this is why we have to be very careful. If we don't explain this matters to ourselves, in line with the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. A lot of people will go to wrong places and people are actually going to wrong places already

had me when you see the kind of people that come to us for counseling, you will be shocked at some revelations. And most of the cases you find in court today relating to divorce,

you'll find out that the issue of sex and intimacy,

the court issues

separating many married people in our society and the volume or let me say,

the numbers of divorces we have in our society, especially Inquirer state.

Interior, particularly, especially the northern Nigeria, when you go there, you find out that in their courts, most of the issues separating couples relates to sex. And this is why it is important for us to move into this area and open it and open it up. What I've just done, just to open up a discussion is just to set the ball rolling.

This is not going to be the end of the discussion. I want some other people to also write on this on this matter, because those who wrote on this matter in the first place.

But at the time of trying to review the book, medically. I got in touch with a professor of gynecology.

And during my conversation with him, he was the one that even told me to go research into the the efforts of two personalities and in the field of medicine, Master and Johnson. These two people were the first people to research into human sexuality. I had to go through some pains to look for materials regarding them and I tried to look at what they have done. So they are the first two

go into this area. And I want to be one of those who are foremost in going into this area from the Muslim community shall.

This is amazing check. You know you you reminded me of something that I used to speak about in the past I said that pornography had normalized a lot of imagery in the mind of people and as a result, due to different expectations from spouses, as a result of what they have seen in these films, it made it made you know, marriages really miserable it made life within homes really miserable. And, and this, you mentioned that we are living in hyper sexualized society, Wherever you look, TV series sitcom movies, or wherever you look, actually, sex is normalized, but the conversation about a church, the education about how to have this part of our, you know, natural inclination towards it.

Within the Islamic frame, as you mentioned, based on the Quran, and based on the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW Selim, this is what we're lacking. So sex is normalized everywhere, but the conversation and the education about it is lacking. And that's what we need to do is to educate and normalize the conversation so that my child can comfortably come and ask me if something arises or if he or if he has seen something here or there, then it will be their primary source of education rather than pornography.

So Allah make it easy shifts. I mean, and why is it strictly for married and prospective people? This is your your tagline for the book Halal intimacy from the Islamic perspective, strictly not just for married No, no strictly for married people. Why is that? So chef Bismillah

he is going to be strictly for

married and prospective was because of the fact that I've been very open in the discussion of the topics.

The reason why I have to be open is because of the fact that many people are the same. It's

in in in some ways that people still don't understand. So, we have to get ourselves acquainted with the reality of our world.

As we said earlier, we have both agreed that we are in an hyper sexualized world. So it is important for us to be open and discussing these matters within the confines of the Sharia. So if we have to discuss it, then we have to limit ourselves so that the the work doesn't

get gets to the point of defeating the purpose the main objective behind it. So the objective is to make people to love doing the halal

and refrain from the haram. So it has to be limited to people who have Halal relationships. For instance, a man who is getting ready to marry a woman.

Both of them should be able to have a prayer and knowledge on how to do these things in accordance with the Sharia. Most people know many things about marriage, but when it comes to the issue of intimacy, they are zero. They, then even those who are already in the marriage don't need the book, in the sense that many people

are ignorance regarding this matter.

A lot of people are committing sins and they don't know. Look at the issue of sex television, you see a woman starving the husband and or a man starving the wife. This is a great thing in sight of Allah. Because this can lead to haram. Of course. Many people, many Muslims in our society are very ignorant. Once they feel like having this biological instinct fulfilled. Once they don't get it from the halal source, they quickly move to the Haram sauce. So and the husband or the wife would have to share from this thing.

So

So I've spoken with many people, but of those people that I've spoken with aged people who have read this book, for instance, I have a mother in in Abuja

by name Mrs.

Aisha Gaia.

She's the former first lady of candles that after reading the book, she told me that

she, she would have been much happy

if she had been able to read this kind of book before getting married.

And guess what, this is a woman of over 60 years of age. But Lucia here, she told you that she wished she could have read the book before getting married. So which means that, in my humble opinion, I think a sort of education about sexual intimacy should be also provided, so that people can be ready for marriage itself, right? That is just it. And she's a marriage counselor. She's a marriage counselor. The reason why she was open to speak to me like that was because she was a marriage counselor. And she has been using this opportunity to educate a lot of people, and more Bucha. And in many parts of the northern part of the country, we have a problem in the northern part

of the country today. Because northern part of the of Nigeria, is a place where the poor are shy, is a place where Islamic law was very, very much entrenched. Unfortunately, the Western civilization started creeping into the area.

So a lot of people are doing things wrongly. So we're using this opportunity to correct the problems in our society. May Allah make it I mean for us? I mean, that is the book. I mean,

why we have restricted it to the married people.

People whose wedding dates have already been fixed, even if your wedding date has not been fixed, you're not qualified to read the book. No, there's like a lock here. It's an excellent effort. I was referring to inshallah perhaps future projects where we can develop something specifically for people who are not yet married. But obviously, marriage in Islam is something very important is highly encouraged. So preparing our youngsters to that Halal lifestyle ahead of time so that they don't clash and don't face these challenges later in life and effects on their marriages, in my opinion, is is very, very important.

Also, since you mentioned about sex, starvation, this is an invitation to all couples to open up these conversations and talk to each other so that you do not resort to haram relationships or haram you know, mediums like pornography and the like. Guys those who didn't buy the book yet Halal intimacy is available at our bookstore I will leave a link in sha Allah to Allah in the description below this video. It's available currently, I'm not sure if there are any other publishers brother Abdullatif perhaps you can guide us but currently it's available in Tao bookstore in Malaysia and Tao bookstores and international bookstore masala and publishers, where they have various branches

around the world I know that they have for sure in Saudi they have in Philippines, and of course several branches in Malaysia. When I ordered it from Australia, I actually received my copy within four days. So inshallah to Allah those who wish to grab the copies the link in the description below. Check

the book. The first thing read sorry, the first thing I've read in the book was the table of content. And that's why I decided to make a video about the table of contents. And when I started reading the table of content I say, Wow, this man is so brave mashallah, it was written in a very, very straightforward manner. Have you received any backlash is from the community yet? Have you received comments about why you're talking like that, man, this is this is so inappropriate, something like that. And what is your response to those people who are still burying their heads in the sand, thinking that nothing is really happening behind closed doors?

Thank you very much for this question. It's a very important question that I need to answer.

Before getting to publish this book for the first time. I was afraid so where you are calling it a brave effort. I see myself as not being brave in

have, because I kept the manuscript with me for a very long time. So I started showing some of my friends, especially Bruce bousfield have a lot to do with,

with this matter. For instance, medical doctors, pharmacist, sex therapy, and Islamic scholars, many students of knowledge, I had the opportunity of showing them the book, and all of them, all of them. All of them are saying, this book must be published. In fact, some of my friends even told me that they had the intention of writing a book like this, but they have not been able to sit down and write it. So all of those people that have shown even before publishing the book, kept encouraging me to publish. So when I got to

the gynecologist professor, Abu kuffaar, Chima, she was the one that gave me the bravery to go ahead with the with the project. Then I also spoke with some of the scholars and said that, based on the kind of people that have shown up before them, they see the book as a game changer.

Book as something that is going to change a lot of perspectives regarding the issue of sex and sexuality generally. So this was what gave me the courage to move on with the project. So when the book came out, many people who saw it based on my usual lifestyle, where we were shocked, they were shocked that I could write something like this, then I've told them that it wasn't my own making. It's a kind of collaborative effort, effort between myself and some of my friends. They really assisted me in the course of the work. So I showed many people so it's gave me the opportunity to see

many perspectives regarding this matter. And you know, what, MELHEM

my brother Wiley brain during the course of this project, the more I researched, the more I discovered, I didn't know anything about intimacy. So the most important thing is for us to regulate, access your issues based on the provisions of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So what the the main thing that I received from

my readers was the shocking revelation that Oh, mister, of the lie Abdullatif of the liker, right, something like this. So they were they were shocked. Then secondly, I received a message from a voter who was trying to say that I shouldn't have been this open

about this matter. So, I believe the border was saying that out of sincerity. So, during our conversation, he was able to understand the fact that since the matter is restricted to married and prospective couples, so it is okay. Because all of this matters are not meant to be discussed just anywhere. Even if we have to discuss it in public, we have to make sure that we discuss it within the room of married people or those who are getting ready to be married, then as you have said earlier, it is not all the topics that's

that are no good areas for people who are not yet married. There are some topics that we need to take

some of our teenagers, for instance, what I wrote on masturbation, pornography, all these aspects are to be taught to our teenagers they need to understand that

by masturbation, pornography are things they should hit, they should hit them right from their teenage

bracket. Awkward

Understand, so when they hit it at that teenage

bracket, when they get married, they will find it easy to comply with the provisions of the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet Allah, Allah that are against some of these practices. Absolutely. And Chetna you, since you mentioned about pornography masturbation, I didn't get to the to these chapters yet in the book, I can't wait because I specialize in that field for 20 years now almost 20 years been searching and researching. Due to the fact that I met people at that times Paula wanted to kill themselves, literally, they wanted to commit suicide, because they couldn't get out of that cycle of addiction, even after marriage. And some of them suffered from a lot of sexual dysfunctions

and so on. So in your career as a marriage counselor, lawyer, your lawyer by profession, that's what I've read. So definitely, you met so many clients and people from different backgrounds, who perhaps suffered from this issue pornography and masturbation, how bad the the, or how big the problem is, in your career, and in your research, regarding the effects, the negative effects of pornography, and masturbation on families.

Thank you very much. While O'Brien based on the kind of people that I've been able to speak to regarding this matter, some people will come to me, even after publishing the book, you'll find out that that is when some people who realize that there are people trying to help people out of this problem. So they continue to confess to you. And at the end of the day, you will feel like crying, because for some of these people, and let us not even deceive ourselves.

This

evil of pornography or masturbation is very much unchanged, because it is just a click away.

Once you once you're in your room, you hold your phone record shaytaan comes to you to view some of these things.

Perhaps because nobody's seeing you, if you understand. So this is a scene. It's a very famous scene that people come in behind closed doors, and many people are living in denial.

Even some of the people that are printing against this are also guilty.

This is this is the reality of the situation. So we need to all help ourselves, so that these dangerous habits do not

consume us. So it's very important. So when people open up to us, some of the things that are found in that in this matter. And I also wrote about it in the book, when when you have the opportunity to read the book, you'll see some of the revelations that I meet in the book. For instance, someone came to me recently and he told me how he started

getting addicted to pornography and masturbation, you know, institution whereby somebody is curious to know, what is on the sketch of a woman.

You understand? He's always following a woman all about and we are in this situation whereby many Muslims don't care about their dressing again,

this is where the this is one of the causes of the problems. So, in the past, we used to live in an area when that is very open, we are people based at a place that are not well closed.

Someone told me that is where he started pornographic film.

He was always interested in looking at the the private parts of a woman.

So this started from there. So when

video came out, so it started

smuggling video cassettes into the house and started watching, you know,

because we are now in a globalized world,

this thing is not becoming very cheap. It is only with the Mercy of Allah

is only by the by the fear of Allah will escape this sin and that is why one of these colors said in one of the points let me use a little cartoon maybe you enjoy it.

This color said

is

Culatta NASA Yama Bala

where you are in the hidden

when you are away from the people do not say are allowed to Wallah King Cooley ally ERP.

Do not say you're a loan, but say that so someone is watching

someone who you can never chase away is with you. And that is Allah and His angels that recording the bad and the and,

and the good.

When we are in our closets, and we think that we can do just anything, we should know that Allah subhanho wa Taala is seen each and every one of us. So with this, if we can train ourselves, especially our teenagers, to consume them with the fear of Allah piety, you will be able to know you know what the parents Allah Allah Sallam told one of his companions, a young man. He said it took law high school, I couldn't look understatement

if our children are able to understand this statement, to help them a lot a lot in escaping the trial of pornography, and masturbation because

when you gather 100 People, I'm telling you, this is my research. This is the product of my research, when you gather 100 people.

And they are to open up to you frantically about the evil of pornography and masturbation, you will find out that at least 880 2% of them are involved in this habit.

And the remaining 20, they chose to be silent.

They choose the style. I was I was in I think I was in Malaysia, the conference was the marriage conference. And this was many years ago, and it was my first time ever to speak about pornography, addiction in public for the first time. Even the organizers themselves were reluctant. So they gave me 20 minutes, they say just 20 minutes. And on that night, and I have shared this news with the organizers later on that same night, I gave actually my contact details to anyone in the venue to contact me if they need help. And subhanAllah I didn't realize that 320 People of the audience emailed me.

And I contacted the organizer, I told him Look, here's my inbox, do something about it. And subhanAllah, the year after the same conference, they announced this and the shoulder data, of course, we disclosed all the identities of the people. But they have shown the data to show the people that how important it is to actually come to the public and raise awareness because if we don't, this sin will remain hidden behind closed doors. And so power laws, according to some statistics check now is that according to one of these filthy websites, they boast about 42 billion visits on a single year in a single year. On the website, one website and these websites exist by

the billions. So we need to do something so I really thank you from the bottom of my heart. Share. Have you discovered that most of these most of the visitors of this site, you'll find many Muslims, or Muslims, Muslim nations among we can't.

We cannot find ourselves a 42 billion probably many millions are also among our brothers and sisters I myself share from the Lateef I focused on this topic for many, many years. I've written hamdulillah a couple of books on the issue. And only most most of my clients and the people who contact me for help. Most of them the majority, more than 90% are Muslim. So we have the problem. And we need to tackle it we need to educate our kids. It affects the memory it affects the brain the physical brain affects the health the overall health affects sexual performances, destroy marriages, divorce rates in America according to 2005 statistics in America not in the Muslim world.

56% of divorces because one or both

partners are involved in pornography so we need to really discuss it so I thank you so much. I wish we have all the time in the world to keep going with this and I thank you that you actually encouraged me to continue with the video series on your amazing tendency. And if you spotted any mistakes or error in what I'm doing, please contact me and let's insha Allah to Allah inspire one another to continue with this journey of raising awareness about Halal intimacy. May Allah make it is is talking a lot to

me. It was lovely having you should have the Latif please pray for us and say salam from all the way from Australia to all our brothers and sisters in Nigeria. Just one location.

That was it. My Brothers and Sisters in Islam. That was Brother Abdul Latif Abdullah, he the author of Halal in Tennessee, an amazing book that from the law was converted now into a video series by myself at the AWARE Academy. Looking forward to see you next episode in sha Allah Allah Allah doesn't block on for watching. Don't forget to subscribe to the channel and share the video so that as many people as possible, reach to this benefit beneficial knowledge in sha Allah Allah Zachman Lacan and once again, as Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi over a cat Wellington's