Riyadh al-Saliheen and Women’s Q&A #09

Allah has been Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen

wa salatu salam ala Ashraful MBI were mostly in Vienna 100 Alia fasulo as Kota seen Allahumma Allina BMA and Pharaoh no one found out the Mount Olympus and ours in their element on behind me. So after a one week hiatus, we are back with the women's class we are going through rehab a saw the Haman slowly but surely, we've made it up to the six Hadith

which is on its hadith of a very important companion by the name of Abu is Hawk side, Ibn Abi what OS you guys have probably heard of this companion?

What does any of you know about sad ibn Abi Well, cos

that name should ring a bell hopefully just mentioned one thing about him, if you're if you know anything.

He's not one of the mcphedran use that one of the seven companions that have narrated over 1000 Hadith. He's a very, very famous companion, and for a lot of really good reasons.

Sign me off cos was one of the Yes, very good seminar. That's what that's what he's especially famous for Saturday. Class is one of the 10 promised paradise. There's more than just 10 companions that were promised paradise. That's something important to know. But there's one Hadith in which 10 are mentioned together. And that's where we get the term.

The 10 promised paradise. So Saddam and America, of course, was one of them. He was one of the very first people to accept Islam in Mecca. So he wasn't mohajir. He accepted Islam because of the Tao of Abu Bakr, which many of the early companions did a sad event. I mean, walk us accepted Islam when he was 17 years old. Right. So he was young, he was open minded. And so he saw the truth of the message of Islam. And he, he accepted

that the struggle that he had, once he converted is very well known, you guys have probably heard this story where his mother basically went on a hunger strike, to try to convince him to give up his religion, and Saddam and everyone else was extremely close to his mother. There's the famous story where he was woken up by his mother in the middle of the night because she wanted a drink of water. And you know, this isn't, there's no running water, there's no plumbing. So he left the house and he went to go to the well and fetched water, and came back and his mother was had fallen asleep already. So either he would go to sleep, and miss, and then his mother would wake up again, thirsty,

and he wouldn't be there to give it to her. Or he would wake her up and disturb her sleep, he didn't want to do either of these things. So he stood by her side, waiting until the morning, basically, for her to awake so that he could give her water. So that's how close and connected he was to his mother and how much he was in the service of his mother. And then after this, he accepts Islam and his mother doesn't like it, and she wants to pressure her son into giving it up. And so she goes on a hunger strike and says, I am not going to eat anything, or drink anything until you give up this new thing that you're into. And sad. Of course, it was a very, very tough challenge. But he

persisted, and he was patient. And he basically told his mother, listen, I love you. But even if I you died, and you came back 100 times and died every single time I would not give up a son. And so this teaches us about priorities because it obviously there's there's no greater thing in the world after obeying a law than obeying our parents and being in their service and being loyal to them. Yet, we have one of these situations where the two conflict and so the obedience to a law takes precedence. So the be the obedience of even our parents, and sad, demonstrated that perfectly while the Laquan

he fought in the Battle of veterans with his younger brother or mad

or mad or was martyred in that battle, but side lived on side fought in the battle ahead and he was one of the most significant participants of the battle. You guys probably again aware of the story of when the problem will have this All I said is kind of cut off from the rest of the army and he's retreating up the mountain and there's only 10 companions with him. This is one of the closest

A close one of the times that the closest the Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam came to being killed during his mission and sat at medical costs was an expert archer and he was kind of shooting at people from the back. And the province was Saddam was encouraging him on. And it by the time the rest of the Muslim army had caught up to the Prophet solo Saddam, there was only sad and Taha who were left.

So this was, he really is partly responsible, yeah, by the will of Allah. But he was instrumental in saving the life of the prophet muhammad sallallahu Sallam on the bat on the day of or after the death of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi salam. He was a military military commander in the battles led by Arma in a time of almost leadership, and he was the commander at the time of the Battle of qadisiya, one of the major battles between the Muslims and the Sassanian empire in Persian.

He built Kufa, the city of Kufa upon the command aisle, and he would eventually become its governor. The side of me well, cos was one of the six people appointed by Omar after he was stabbed to appoint the next leader. Right? So it's really interesting in the political history of, of the Muslims, every single leader of the four

or five, depending on how you count it, pull off that are actually doing were selected in a slightly different way. So Abu Bakar was selected. There was a difference of opinion some say of the prophesy said I'm selected him individually. Some said that it was just kind of suggested by someone else kind of like nominated and then everybody agreed to it.

Or Ahmad was directly appointed by Abu Bakr Abu Bakr didn't leave it up to anybody else's decision. He said, The next is going to be armor that when armor was stabbed, there was a couple there was some some days before he eventually passed away. And he appointed a panel of six people, some of the oldest companions that will have Janine and told them to choose. So this panel was made up of, of the rock mountain and Alf and Ollie, an Earth man, and sad in me, of course, we're talking about and as aware, and Paul Ha. And none of them. This shows you the purity of the companions, none of them nominated themselves. Right? Each person nominated somebody else.

So the main people that were being nominated, were three, there were men, and Ali, and other Rockman him and other Rockmount even our of withdrew himself. He said, No, no, no, I don't want to be selected the leader. So he went through himself and he actually walked around Medina asking everybody their opinion. Even the women and the children, people, you know, every single person that was Muslim, he was asking their opinion as to who should be the next leader. And the predominant opinion was Earth man. So he put in his

vote, for if man and some Earth man became the next leader. And many scholars of Islamic political theory cite this as one of as a precedent of the permissibility of

you know, sort of an election some type of election within Islamic law, the fact that he that he did that

after a man was killed because of man was also assassinated. side's sons. This is the beginning of the first Muslim Civil War, right as is known in in Orientalist circles. We don't really call it that. And in our

tradition, we call it the Pfitzner. Right because of how kind of ugly and bad it was the fitna. In compasses the Islamic history after Earth man was killed those events and then all of the events with between Ali and more Alia and the infighting that kept on happening, the martyrdom of Hussein and all these sorts of things. We call it the fitna

Western scholarship calls it the first Muslim civil war, they kind of have some different ways to divide it up.

So when this was going on,

his sons came to him side, we're talking about the narrator of this hadith, and they asked him to join in and they asked him to become the leader. Or they asked him to take a side right there was this kind of two groups that were forming the side on on the side and the side on my hours. And sad it was one of the people who refused to get involved in any of this. In fact, he even took his weapons and side was a great warrior. He was part of the he was partly responsible for,

for conquering Persia. He took his weapons and he destroyed them. Because he knew the Hadith from the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam about when this type of chaos and fitna happened, that the best thing to do would be to just sit back and not do

do anything. And that's exactly what he did. He started farming, he kind of he told his family to not even inform him about what was going on until the Muslims have united upon one ruler. That's how strict he was. And he forbid all of his family from getting involved in the Civil War and the infighting that was going on.

Sad was somebody who produced miracles there we there were companions that produced miracles by the will of a law. They're called cattle mats. And usually they have to do with their duat being answered immediately or shortly thereafter. So there was somebody in his area that was cursing.

Ali and Paul have.

And so sad, told him to stop and he wouldn't stop. And so sad, he prayed to rakaat. And then he raised his hands and made dua against this person. And that person within the hour died with some freak accident involving a camel, right? So people used to follow him around because he was somebody who kind of was capable of these sorts of miracles, out of his piety and out of a loss, being pleased with him.

He died in in his home in Medina, he was the last Mohajer to die. So they've been happy well cos one of the first to accept Islam, one of the last from Mecca to die,

I should say the last from Mecca to die. He died in Medina, in his house in off peak, which actually a neighborhood that's very close to the Islamic University of Medina today. I'm very familiar with that area. They took him to the prophets, Masjid in Medina, in the center of the city, and they prayed over him and buried him in bucket. So all of that to say Assad is a very important companion. And he's the narrator of our Hadith. And I like the variants of another way that what he did here with the narrator's of each Hadith, because they're all very different figures, you have people from the Nuclear Throne, people who narrated a lot of Hadith. And then you have people who are more kind

of whatever we could say maybe inclined to action. They were military leaders, or they were scholars, or they were something right. There's multiple ways to get involved in a Muslim community, right? There's not just one way you don't just have to,

you know, sit in the masjid and listen to all the lectures and do these sorts of things that kind of have become very kind of like

ritualized, right, there's lots of different ways, you know, the Muslim community, then they have their fight financiers, they have their military commanders, they have their worshipers, they have their scholars, and sometimes there was crossover. But a lot of times, there were people that were kind of just specializing and whatever they felt that they could fit in. So that's something to keep in mind too, all of you have a talent. And whatever talent and capability you have, you know, the Muslim community has a right upon you need to use that talent to be able to benefit the community, and especially when all these COVID restrictions are growing. I rely on all of you for that I'm you

know, there's only so much the quote unquote Imam can do. I'm supposed to be connecting people

to utilize their abilities and their capacities, in a way that benefits everybody. So anyway, Saudi widow, of course, he said in this hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam visited him when he was sick. So they were actually making Hajj. This is at the very end of the Prophet's life. It starts with Saddam, so they went back to Mecca, they're in Mecca, and Saudi and everyone else gets very sick, and he's afraid that he's going to die. And so the prophesy said, I'm visits him when he is sick.

And he said to the Prophet, alayhi, salam, O Messenger of Allah, you can see the pain in which I am suffering. And I am a man of means mashallah Assad had a lot of money, he was wealthy, and there is none to inherit from, except my one daughter

is going to talk about inheritance which we touched on before. Should I give two thirds of my property in charity? He the promise I sent him said no, I asked him, What about half? He said, No. Then I asked, How about 1/3 He said, you can give away 1/3 And even that is still too much. It is better to leave your heirs well off than to leave them poor begging people. You will not expend a thing in charity for the sake of a law, but you will be rewarded for it or we say except that you will be rewarded for it.

Even a single morsel of food which you feed your wife. Saad then says to the prophesy centum, O Messenger of Allah, am I going to live?

The prophesy Salam said, If you survive I

and accomplish the thing for the sake of Allah, you will are going to gain an even higher ranking and standing. Yes, you will live

and your survivor it will be your survival will be beneficial to the Muslims, and it will be a scourge upon the enemies of Islam. So this is a prediction where a prophecy of what was to come, you know, like with the conquering of Iran and Iraq and everything like that, you will survive until the people derive a great benefit from you, and others, your enemies are harmed by you. Then the messenger of allah sallallahu sallam said, Oh, Allah completes for my companions, their emigration, their hijra,

and do not cause them to retract.

And then it says that sad, even Jota was unfortunate message. The Messenger of Allah lamented his death, and he died in Mecca. Those last words, were the words of sad him and it will cost. So there's a lot, this is a juicy Hadith. There's a lot going on here, I'll see how much time we have to get through, hopefully most of it.

First of all, it's the importance of having a what's called a we'll see, we'll see it is a will, right? We have an Islamic law, a certain way of dividing up the assets.

And in the United States of America, if you do not have a living well, then your assets are not going to be divided up like that, they're going to be divided up in a very, very different way. So it's something that's very important that prophesy is seldom said in a hadith. He said the believer does not sleep one night, without having his will already made out, as we'll see already being completed. So if you haven't already done it, please, please take the time to write out a living will to make sure that you know where things are going. If you want to make it easy. Joe Bradford from Sugarland, Texas, he's an email there, he has a website called Mind will see a.com And he is

like TurboTax, you answer questions, and he generates a will for you. It's a paid service, it'll generate one automatically for you.

However you do it, having a living will is a commandment of the Prophet salallahu Salam so that you've taken care of what's going on in your afterlife.

Notice from the Hadith, that

there are limits to what you're allowed to give away. Right? We talked about this from the one question that came in, am I allowed to give my wealth away to my kids in a different way as a gift, kind of before I die? Well, there's two fundamental situations, right? There's a situation where you're giving a gift when you're living, because you're just giving a gift.

And in that scenario, you can give as much as you want, you can make it even no problem. But there's a second scenario which has to do with inheritance, right, which is where you're at the end of your life. And this is really going to be probably likely the last passing of assets and everything else, wealth from you until the next generation. Right? So the two scenarios are different. In the first scenario, you're living, you're healthy, you expect to live longer, generate more wealth. It's not a problem, how you distribute it, how you give it out, you should still be fair, of course, you don't want to gift everything to one child, and then not give anything to another that's not allowed,

according to a lot of scholars, but it's not as bad if compared to somebody who is, you know, they are not certain but they are likely to die soon, like Saad in this hadith he is on he thinks he's on his deathbed. So he's asking about how much is he allowed to give the prophesy Saddam says you're limited, you're only allowed to give away a third of your wealth and he still says that a third is even too much. So every Muslim when they're at the end of their life, if they want to give and charity and I recommend that you do and I recommend that you give some of your will see to the masjid because it will be a trust, it will be something that will derive benefit for you in the

hereafter for ever, Inshallah, especially if it's going towards something you know where the message is using it in an intelligent way like insha Allah here you have a messy who has a plan, what to use the funds for. We have a masjid that we're building. We have a plan of financial freedom in order to make the mosque functional and financially feasible in perpetuity. You should definitely, definitely consider writing part of your inheritance, no more than a third to the machine.

But you're not allowed to give more than

The third to anybody else, that means two thirds of all your assets and wealth have to stay put to be divisible.

According to inheritance law, that way, you're not leaving your family in a hard situation, and you're not causing resentment.

Subhanallah we really wish everybody was so were to come together when people in the community died. But my personal experience is that we see the opposite that sort of sometimes you see, people's nastiest sides come out, when someone's died, and now they're talking about splitting up the wealth splitting up the house, putting up this that you see people are not always their best selves, right? All of that is is made easier if you're leaving behind a majority, you know, at least two thirds of what you have to leave behind.

So this also proves the importance of intergenerational wealth building. This is something that we need in the Muslim community,

as well, to make sure that the prophesy summit specifically said you don't want to leave your children, beggars, it's better to leave them well off. Right? You shouldn't feel guilty if you have it. So leave them well off. There's no

sort of like piety or holiness in accumulating a bunch of wealth and then giving it all away and leaving your children poor. That's not piety, according to the prophets of Allah, who is

who was the most pious person? He said, No, what you should do is you should leave it is better to leave your children off wealthy than to leave them beggars, which is also a point about self sufficiency, right? Islam encourages and expects people to be financially self sufficient.

It also has a little part about there being charity in everything you do. If you have the right intention, this is something that came up in many of the Hadith we talked about. Right? But the part about even the morsel of food, you feed your wife, right, we're talking about all of our actions spread out upon a table, you can convert all of that, even what's obligatory upon you

into charity, if you have the right intention, what's the relationship to the specific situation of sod, the province all the sudden is telling sad that listen, you have to give at least two thirds of your wealth to your children in inheritance. But if you intend it, to be a charity to them, then you're going to like,

the only reason he wanted to give away all of his wealth and charity was to get the reward. Right. He's saying to Saad that you can get the same reward if you intend to leave this behind to your children. Right? Even though it's an obligation, if you have the intention, you will be rewarded for that intention. That's why the hadith is relevant to the chapter.

We also have here a principle of localism within the Islamic economy, the fact that you would prioritize your family and giving to your family in inheritance law, over kind of giving to someone who's technically more needy, right. There's lots of needy causes out there. But there is a an ethic in the *ty ought to do to take care of your own backyard First, write an ESA especially if you go into the Hanafi school of law and read about as a catalog. A lot of things within the cat law have to do with what the needy of your community see, the wealth that they see, they see that you live in the suburbs, they see that you drive a nice car, they see that you have nice clothes, they know that

you're a doctor or a professor or something like that. What's going to kill and squash the potential resentments between those needy people in your community, and you or your family or the entire class of professionals.

Giving your as a cat within your community.

Yes. And making you're making it known that your cat has given it within your community. Are there places and causes that are more needy? Yes, there are. But there's charity. And then there's a cat.

The door to charity is always open, whatever cause that you're passionate about that you see the need is never ending. There's all these places that need charity. But when it comes to the cat, the cat is something very specific, and it has other intentions behind just who needs it most. It has to do with

reducing economic inequality within a Muslim community.

And it also has to do with squashing that potential resentment, which the devil would love to manipulate, and fan and amplify between the poor of a community and the rich of a community.

And I've talked with many, you know, needy people in the community, and I can tell you firsthand that they noticed these things. And they note and they know who, who contributes locally, and they have a sense of who might not. And there's a disappointment,

and even hurt feelings. When there's a feeling or a grounded suspicion that somebody isn't pulling their share. Right, we don't think about these things in Utica, we have to think about them. Lots of places in the country, we have segregation in Massachusetts, right? Like there's the mesquite in the suburb, which is usually either all Arab, or all South Asian. And then we have the inner city message sheets that are usually African American, or usually Congress are usually, you know, Somali or something like that. Right? And then there's not a lot of cooperation between the two. Right, let's be frank, economic cooperation, you know, educational cooperation is usually not at all unika,

you have a very unique situation where you have one machine, where there's a lot of different social classes, a lot of different economic classes within one. And so everybody has to work together. If you're not giving us a cat locally, I really strongly recommend that you give you as a cat locally, charity is always there. If you want to do anything else with your money, charity never goes away. There's always other opportunities. Anyway, that's my stick.

It's already 730. So let's jump to for those who joined a little bit late, I had asked a question to the people. We're here to net we're out of questions for the q&a. But I keep having recurring kind of questions about marriage rights within marriage, women's rights in general, these sorts of things. So I thought it might be beneficial to just go through a book of marriage in a fifth book, a comparative textbook, just to select, we're not going to be exhaustive, but to select relevant issues that could apply to us, both for us and for our children who inshallah one day are going to get married. So if there's any objections, please let me know. But

we'll start today. Just to give you

just a brief overview, what is what is all involved in marriage? Okay, so this book, and this is the book that I studied in Medina, it's a comparative book of fifth. It's written, it's by a classical scholar from Muslim Spain, who was a judge, his name is even rushed.

And

this one not, here we go. So the chapter on marriage

is broken up into five major sections. Okay, to give you a bird's eye view level before we go down into any particular issue. The first issue has to do with stuff that happens before the marriage. Okay, so this is talking about the engagements, you know, the proposal, all these sorts of things. What do you get to see of the of the woman right before you marry her? These sorts of things. The second, and the meatiest part of the chapter of Nika of marriage is Mooji. About Santa Monica, it has to do with the things that have to be there for marriage to be valid. And this is extremely important to protecting a woman's rights, especially Congress, especially Congress, I need to read

you the message I got this week. Inshallah, I hope we have time for that.

Okay, so that has three sub parts, what are the three main components that you have to have for a marriage to be valid Part One has to part one has to do with

the manner of the contract to the part two has to do with the prerequisites of the conch of the contract with have to do with the Wali, a guardian, the shahada, which is the witnesses and the sadhaka, which is the dowry and then the third part of that chapter is mahalo Act, or Melania. Nica, which are things that can come in and ruin the whole thing, right things that extenuating circumstances we can say, Okay, so that's all within the second main chapter, first main chapter, the stuff before engagement, stuff like that. The second is the meat and potatoes, second course, right, talking about, you know, the things that have to be present in a marriage contract to be

valid. The third major part is

what sort of mechanisms are there to get out of a marriage? We're not

Not quite talking about divorce yet. But we're talking about are there sort of other mechanisms where you can kind of get out of it before like halfway or at what point can you do it.

The fourth part is the part that the title is most appealing to us the rights of the spouses within marriage. And the fifth has to do with in valid marriage contracts, things that you are not allowed to do in a marriage contract. So, without further ado, the first major section has to do with things that happen before the marriage itself.

Most of this involves the proposal. Okay, so a man coming to propose to a woman or a forgotten son of Khadija, a woman proposing to a man yes, it's possible. Yes, it's allowed. No, no one really does it anymore.

So all of that is well, in good. What's relevant to us. One quick thing is that it is prohibited and is prohibited for somebody to make a proposal on a spouse or potential spouse while they are considering another proposal from somebody else. Okay, this is called a HIPAA audit. With the FE, right.

Every proposal has to be considered as its own thing.

It's we shouldn't it's not this isn't the buffet, right? You shouldn't like be making your whatever Tinder Tinder swipes are like, Oh, look at that one. And that one, and that one, I'm looking at this resume and that resume that no one comes in? You decide yes or no. After that another comes in, you decide yes or no, these sorts of things. That is the Sunnah of marriage.

Then the second and probably the last issue that has to do with us in these times for this part of the chapter is, what is a man allowed to look at?

Other Woman during the engagement and proposal process? This is a huge problem, especially with social media, anybody who asks you for revealing pictures,

you know, for on the phone, or social media or these sorts of things? Absolutely. Red flag run away, don't do it. Right. These are things that they're very limited. What is the area of a person that can be looked at before the marriage? And as you would expect, the majority of scholars say it's simply the face in the hands. It's simply the face and the hands, even Achmed has pretty much the same but a slightly different opinion if he says, whatever is normally kind of apparent from her what normally is displayed. So, you know, that includes your face and your hands, maybe your feet, right, if you're wearing sandals or flip flops or something like that. But we're not talking about

taking off your hijab? No, we're definitely not talking about revealing clothing. You know? Absolutely. Absolutely not. We're talking about looking at the face in the hands. And that should be enough to tell a person

if they are attracted. And yes, the the sub point here the implied implied point, is that attraction is important in a marriage. Yes, it is. In fact, even Batman himself has in one of his

He is quoted as saying that if somebody has a, like a, let's say, a preference of certain physical features, then they should try to marry somebody with those certain physical features. Right? Why? Because part of the wisdom behind getting marriage behind getting married is to satisfy

the sexual urge, which is God given in a context of responsibility, and checks and balances, right? Islam prohibits

sexual urges from being satisfied. Even just looking outside of a context of responsibility and checks and balances. That's why marriage exists. Right? So if somebody gets married to somebody that they're not attracted to. Is that going to solve that? That MCSA? Is that going to solve that issue? No, it's not. Is that person more likely to be dissatisfied in a marriage? Yes, they are. Are they more likely to fall into sin at some point down the line because they're not being satisfied? Yes, it is. What

So another implication of this, is that, okay, I'm going to be blunt, Muslims have to pay attention to their, the, okay, let's put it in a polite way, the quality of their intimacy with their spouses. Okay? That is something that has to be there.

And if it's not there, that's a big problem.

Whether you need to go to counseling, or whether you need, whatever the means are, you should take those means to repair the quality of the intimacy between you and your spouse. Because that's one of the most fundamental reasons as we just said, behind the institution of marriage in the first place. A lot of people, I'll be honest, as you can tell from maybe some of my comments,

I believe that these issues need to be talked about in a more frank way. There's a lot of cultural baggage within the Muslim community about talking about these things. We don't need to be lewd, we don't need to be inappropriate. But there's people's there are evil things that happened from not talking about these issues. And there's evil things that happen from having kind of a taboo around them.

Intimacy and the quality of intimacy between spouses and it's an extremely important thing. However,

however, a spouse needs to

remediate, remediate or fix the quality or improve the quality of their intimate intimacy with their spouse. That is something that is generally recommended. The lesson is going to shut off any second. Does anybody have any questions?

Or comments before we get kicked off?

Yeah, he's got me on an issue that I'm passionate about.

I mean, what Yeah.

I mean,

okay, we'll see you next week.