Is Your Ramadan an Instagram Moment

Tom Facchine


Channel: Tom Facchine

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The speakers discuss three scenarios that could lead to disappointment in a relationship, including a social media countdown, a long wait for food, and a desire for a worker to receive charity. They stress the need for appreciation and gratitude in relationships, particularly during busy periods, and emphasize the importance of having a strong relationship to fulfill one's needs and desires. The segment also touches on the importance of giving back to loved ones, particularly during busy times.

Transcript ©

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Brothers and sisters, we are a mere 20 ish days away from the sacred month of Ramadan.

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Now, I'd like to run a little exercise here. Everyone wants to present two scenarios to you. And I want each and every person to think which scenario is more similar to the reality.

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Okay, so scenario one.

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It's in Ramadan, you fasted all day. The time for Iftar is drawing close.

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The food comes out of the oven. at the perfect time.

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Your children are already sitting around the table smiling, dressed in their best outfits. Your spouse is looking at you with adoration and love.

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And as you finish your meal and you move on to the rest of your evening, you have a candle lit room with the prayer rows laid out in perfect order. And perfect peace and tranquility and silence as you move on to your prayers and your Koran reading you spend the rest of the night serenely reading the Koran.

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That's scenario one.

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Scenario two,

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you're close to withdraw.

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The food isn't ready yet.

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Your can considering maybe you have to call in for backup takeout or something like that.

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The kids are arguing with each other, making a terrible noise, you've got a headache. You're at the end of your rope. So you snap at the kids, saying something that you instantly regret raising your voice. Your spouse says something critical of you that you did do that was wrong, or that you didn't do that you should have done.

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Everybody's losing their patience.

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The dirty dishes in the sink are sky high, the house is a mess. You're a mess. Your prayers are rushed, you end up passing out on the couch, and your sweat pants. Now I want everybody to think

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is your Ramadan more like scenario number one?

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Or is it more like scenario number two? And you don't have to tell me? Everybody answer that question for yourself. I know which one I'm going with.

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We're being real. The first scenario is what I would like to call Instagram Ramadan. It's the social media Ramadan, it's the Ramadan when you you know you have that sort of perfectly curated photo, everything just for a moment is holding together the exact perfect way that you want it to.

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And then as soon as you take that photo, everything falls apart back to normal life. And this is part of the problem of social media. Social media builds up these expectations. You see other people living their lives, you assume that's their real life, that's not their real life. Their life is just like your life. They just were able to fake it for a second and snap the photo.

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And this sets us up for disappointment. We come into Ramadan, we have that expectation and this is what it's going to be like scenario number one. And then when reality hits and night after night is scenario number two, we start to feel sad, we start to feel disappointed. We start to wonder

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Is this really how things should be you feel dissatisfied with perhaps your spouse you feel dissatisfied with your children, you feel dissatisfied even with yourself? So what's the solution?

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Is the solution that well we have to get the Instagram Ramadan. And so we all need to go on a Ramadan cruise, where all of our meals and everything are just taken care of so we can finally focus on that candle lit worship. Now that's not realistic. That's not realistic. The problem is that we're attached to a certain idea of what worship looks like. And that idea of what worship looks like is very, very narrow.

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In reality, worshiping ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada is something much more broad than what we think it is. And when we realize this, we can approach Ramadan in a completely different way. It's similar to a statement of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the scenario was, and the NAS and Mina was having a visa Allahu Allah He was salam Padula Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa salam ala Rasulillah that have a look do authority will Jove a group of companions came to the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, and they complain that to him what

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What were they complaining about? They said O Messenger of Allah. The rich people have made off with all of the reward. They took it all for themselves. What are they talking about? What did they mean by that? How is that possible? They explain. You'll Soluna commando suddenly. While you're so Moon command, assume waiata Sada, Pune Bifido Liam Wiley him. They said still to the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, they the rich, they pray just like we pray. They fast just like we fast. But on top of that, they've got extra wealth extra money that they can give in charity whenever they want. They were concerned that they would never be able to catch up with the rich. Now here's what the Prophet

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alayhi salatu salam said to them on our latest Certegy Allah Allah hula comb, Masada Poon, he said, hasn't ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala already made other ways for you to give charity?

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In the Bitcoin Letus be hatin sadaqa, what we call lytic bereits. In South Africa, what we call literally, that in South Africa, what we call Lita me that in South Africa, each time you say Subhana Allah is charity. He told them that he said that.

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Each time you say Allahu Akbar is charity each time you say La ilaha illallah is charity, and each time you say Alhamdulillah is charity. Now he didn't stop there. There's more. What am Ron demap Bill Murphy sadaqa Juana human unmown Karen sadaqa encouraging other people to do good is charity, discouraging other people from doing evil is charity with a bully I had the Consolata even intimacy with your spouse is charity.

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That companions had a narrow understanding of what charity could be.

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And the prophets Allah Allahu alayhi wa sallam wanted to expand their understanding. That's what we need to do with worship, especially in Ramadan. Instead of feeling like our duties get in the way of our Ramadan worship. In Ramadan, we need to worship Allah subhana wa Tada through our duties. The place to start is with our relationships. And for many of us, the most central relationship that we have is with our spouse, the Prophet alayhi salatu salam himself. He already mentioned in that hadith how intimacy is part of this. Every single one of us male and female has needs and desires and Allah subhanho wa Taala has given you this relationship as your approved avenue for taking care

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of those needs. And expressing those desires Allah azza wa jal said explicitly in the poor and are hidden Hola, como la la cama, Rothko either elearning equal Honolua so lecom When some labor so law when it has been made permissible for you during the night before you fast to be intimate with your wives, they are like a garments for you. They are like a garment for you and you are like a garments for them. Then Allah says animal law who and the company contact and owner and physical, a tablet alikhan Wafaa uncom Phil Anna bershad Ohana while the tug of war market of Allahu Allah Quran. Allah subhanho wa Taala knows that you used to deceive yourselves by thinking that they could make it a

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whole month without so he has accepted your repentance and he has forgiven you. So now go ahead be intimate with them and seek that which Allah subhanahu wa Tada has decreed for you.

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Ramadan should not be a time when you abandon the needs and desires of your spouse. It's actually a time to excel in fulfilling them Allah subhanaw taala says here in the form of a command the bash it will hunt for Anna bash it will one go out there fulfill your needs, be intimate with them. And while it's true that the Prophet Allah He set out to a sedan with tighten his belt around his ease off and abandon his bed, often retreating to the masjid for the last 10 nights for air to calf, that's the exception. That's not the rule. Don't abandon your spouse during the month of Ramadan. Your relationship with your spouse, of course is much more than just intimacy. And in fact, you

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won't even be able to enjoy intimacy, if that's all your relationship is.

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Allah subhanaw taala just said it husband and wife or something

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holster be like a garment for one another. What does a garment what does it provide? A garment provides warmth. It provides protection, it provides security and safety. Those are things that we're supposed to provide for our spouses. And if we do that, with the pleasure scuze me with the intention of pleasing Allah subhana wa Tada, guess what we're also worshipping Allah subhanaw taala at the exact same time.

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Now, when we think of a garment, we're thinking of physical protection, physical warmth, but a relationship goes far beyond that. It goes beyond what's just physical. We want to make our spouses feel not just physically secure and safe, but also emotionally secure and safe, secure in who they are secure in, what's their role in the family with the job that they're doing, are they doing a good job, and one of the best ways to do this is by expressing your appreciation. expressing appreciation is a fundamental part of our deen. It's a skill that we develop with other people. That helps us be thankful to Allah subhanho wa Taala which is why the Prophet alayhi salatu salam said,

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Malaya school nurse, la escuela

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whoever doesn't thank the people doesn't think Hola. These are transferrable skills. Now, there's a million ways to express your appreciation for your spouse, sometimes we do it through words, tell your spouse, how much they mean to you how much their support means to you tell them how great of a job they're doing, despite the challenges that they face. Sometimes we never say these things, until it's too late, until the person's gone from our lives. And then we wish we could go back in time and say them. Don't wait till that happens, say them now.

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appreciation is not just limited to words, it's also in your actions and what you do go out of your way to find out what makes your spouse feel cared for what makes them feel remembered what makes them feel appreciated, and try to do those things without being asked. Similarly, try to do it now before a day comes when you regret many of our brothers here are from Bosnia. And everybody knows what our brothers and sisters went through in the 90s. And there's still some women today in parts of Bosnia on the anniversary of some of the massacres will pour out a cup of coffee for their deceased husband's and leave it out. That small expression of appreciation and gratitude that small

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daily ritual

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and sometimes us the living, we take it for granted and say oh why can't you get your own coffee there might be a day that comes when your spouse is not there and you wish you could just make them a cup of coffee. This is part of appreciation. And Allah subhanaw taala wants us to be grateful servants. At the end of the day, it's the thought that counts. If you know that they have to go somewhere for example, clean the snow off the car, shovel the driveway, fill up the gas tank the night before anything show that you care

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if you do all of this, or even half of it or even a quarter of it with the intention of pleasing Allah subhanaw taala Guess what? You will be worshipping Allah subhana wa Taala as well. Of course locally here that was stuck for a lovely while the community certainly Muslim minimum. Khalida, let's start federal in the whole of the fall Rahim.

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Alhamdulillah he recently was shook Allahu Allah tofi He wanted Ernie was shot on La ilaha illallah wa Avila said he gotta tell the militia attorney once said I wonder maybe and I will say Eden and Mohammed Abdullah sort of who they are rather than any sort of law while they while early he was happy he was learning but certainly motor Sleeman kathira.

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After your spouse one of the most central relationships in your life is with your children.

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The same rules apply to children that applied to your spouse they need quality time from you. They need your attention especially during Ramadan. I'll give you a scenario that every single one of us is probably familiar with. You want to read for me in Ramadan, every single one of us wants to read Quran and Ramadan. You sit down, you want to have a moment of quiet. You start in you start reading and then only a line or two in explosions come from the other side of the house.

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stainless crashing noises yelling if you've got more than one,

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you did this. No, I didn't all the sorts of things that we're used to hearing. Now, what's your reaction? To many times, that's when the temperature starts to rise. And we lose our cool and we bust in there, taking names given out punishments raising our voice.

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If that's what's going to happen,

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what's your child going to associate with the month of Ramadan?

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They should not remember the month of Ramadan as the time of year when their parents are grumpier than usual or less present with them as usual. If they do well, then how do you think they're going to feel about the month of Ramadan, we have to make Ramadan special for the kids. And that's not just with food and gifts, of course, that stuff is great. But take the time to connect with them. Take the time to make sure that they feel like they are listened to and that you understand them. Now, that's easier said than done. And sometimes we will have to correct and sometimes we will have to punish that's part of being a parent. But if your child at least knows that you understand their

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perspective, that will stop any resentments from building up and your relationship will grow stronger. Even if they don't get what they want.

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If you can all do this, with the intention of pleasing Allah subhanaw taala, then guess what this too, is worship. And finally, we have to address what takes up. Maybe most of our days sometimes, and that is work. Now work could be a job, it could be your business, or if you're at home, it could just be the chores.

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It's no surprise that we don't look forward to this part of the day. We call it the daily grind, right? We hit the snooze button on our alarms once, twice, three times, however many we can get away with in order to avoid and delay this part of our day as much as possible. But guess what? We have to do it anyway. So we've got really two options. In reality, we can just waste all that time and energy, cutting it out of our day miss out on all that time worshiping a loss found data or or we can take advantage of it. We can make it work for us, rather than against us. Yes, this too can be worshipped.

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It starts with something as simple as saying Bismillah before you begin,

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what are the intentions that we come to our work with? Yes, we need to provide Yes, we have to show up yes. But even just a simple Bismillah can turn that nine to five into just a livelihood, take it from that and transform it into worship, nine to five, all those hours worshiping Allah because you started with a pure intention to do what Allah subhanaw taala wants you to do. How many times during our work day? Do we have the opportunity to make vicar of Allah subhanaw taala the Prophet alayhi salatu salam just said, every single Alhamdulillah is charity, every single Subhan Allah is charity, every single La Ilaha illa Allah is charity. All of these things are charity. If you're doing the

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dishes, if you're filling out paperwork, if you're in the computer every single time you do it, it can be racking up points, points, points, more and more worship for Allah subhanaw to add.

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Another thing when you're at work is to keep patience to hold on to patients. You don't want to just like we don't want our children, associating Ramadan with parents being grumpy, I have heard and I kid you not. I've heard non Muslim say, oh, I can tell when it's Ramadan because so and so at work is grumpier than normal. That is not the impression that we want to leave. We need to treat our co workers and everybody who's in the workspace with us with even more respect even more consideration than normal, so that they have a positive association with our deen and with the month of Ramadan. Again, it's not easy. It's not easy, it takes patience.

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But if we start with the proper intention, and we tie ourselves to the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala we can do it and it will be worshipped for us. Allah subhana wa Tada. The prophesied Saddam said in the Lucha catabolic Santa requisition is that Allah subhanaw taala decreed excellence in everything that you do. And so the final thing that will mention here for your workday, is to have a center is to excel as much as possible. Don't cut corners. Don't slack off, do your best, as much as possible. It's a reflection

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upon you as a Muslim, it's a reflection upon your deen. Do it as if Allah subhanaw taala is your boss. Don't worry about your boss do it as if Allah azza wa jal is your boss, and you will see results. Even if you're in hardship, Allah subhanaw taala will put blessing in it. One of the best Ramadan's I ever had in my life was the first time I was here in central New York. 40 minutes south, in Madison, I worked on a farm, I worked 10 hour days out in the sun. And Allah subhanaw taala that was before I went to Medina, and Allah subhanaw taala put so much blessing in that Ramadan, I felt so close in my prayers, I had so much for sure and what I was doing, Allah subhanaw taala can bless

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it. And if Allah is bound to Allah blesses it, then nobody can take that away from you. Final disclaimer is that all of what we've said today, it applies equally to men and to women. We don't want the men to use anything that I've said, as a weapon against their spouses. I don't want to hear anybody come back to me and say that, Oh, my husband told me that he's I've just got to be more patient while he sleeps on the couch, and I make him talk. This is about both sides, each side who should be the best in a relationship?

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The answer is, I should whoever you are, if you're the man or if you're the woman. And so it applies to both equally Allah has found two other cells that people who have insight who think they worship Allah subhanho data all the time. All the time, regardless of what they're doing. He says in Surah Al Aman in the Phycology similarity with outdoorsy La Villa you want to help it literally Al Bab indeed. And the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of my Nia those are signs. Those are signs for people who have understanding who are the people who understand the people of understanding Allah says in the next verse, Olivia yet Quran Allah pm and welcome rude and what

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Allah you know, be him. Those who remember Allah standing, or sitting or lying on their sides, in every situation. And even though I am Rahim, Allah used to say, the fool, is the person who lets their worship turn into just a habit. And the wise person on the other hand, they're the one that turns their habits into worship. How do you do that? Bismillah through your intention, literal hamdulillah remembering Allah, as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in a Mullah Manu bindi yet, every single action is going to be weighed and judged according to its intention, and we will have what we intended and we ask Allah subhanaw taala to bless us and to accept our worship,

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and to make us reach Ramadan. Insha Allah Tala