Saving our kids before they go wild

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One direction, Jaden Smith, Lil Chris | Saving our kids before they go wild

Episode Transcript

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greetings of peace. Welcome to the deen show. Maybe you've got a chronic back ache. Some people have chronic headaches. But the worst is when you got chronic pain in your chest, from the chronic pain in the heart, and a lot of times parents, they end up just being remiss in their obligations to empowering their children as they're growing up. And now the chronic pain, Sally starts to kick in and you see, look, you know, a lot of the youth now we're creatures of imitation, they started taking one direction, Zayn Malik as a role model. And then it's sad to say you got a lot of these women, these girls are cutting themselves out of protest. Maybe because he left the band or we got

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little Chris Did you hear about little Chris just ended up I don't know if he committed suicide, but he's in deep depression. Why are these teens not adults, but teens. We know teens is an epidemic from adults committing suicide but you have so many X Factor young lady popstar music star, she just committed suicide. So how can you empower your child, your teen that now they can be leaders in the community. And they're not like jayda? Will Smith son now they're mixing up the roles and your kids now wearing a skirt and a dress. And you're like, man, what's going on. And it's crazy out there. They don't have a proper identity. They're not empowered the right way. And now they end up

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experimenting with everything. And at the end, none of these things bring them peace and happiness. And next to you know, you've lost your child. And now the chronic pain kicks in in the heart. Let's try to prevent that with my next guest. Dr. Bashir here to D show empowering these young adults so they can be powerful leaders in the community. We'll be right back.

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Welcome, everybody to the D show. Thank you for tuning in Salam Alaikum Peace be with you on 100. Allah Hamdulillah, you heard me open up the show. And we want to empower the youth empower the next generation to be good strong leaders in a community. But you see a lot of kids they're experimenting with this and that and causing their parents because the parents a lot of times, many are to blame because they become remise lustful and they didn't empower their children the right way. So now you have given examples of young ladies, they're cutting themselves in one direction star Zayn Malik, he left the band run direction, then you have other kids who are just growing up and they're

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experimenting with everything selling themselves short and next thing you know, nothing works. At the end depression, they become despondent.

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What can we do now as a precursor to prevent this from happening to our children tomorrow? Yeah, I think the first thing that we should do is to as parents is to understand very clearly that youth are the future of this community or the future of the society. Youth will be the leaders of tomorrow. As such, we have to take very good care of them. And if we go to Quran, you find Allah subhanaw taala give us many examples of certain youth is this young age, you know, like, for example, when Prophet Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam destroyed the statues in Surah, Colombia, verse number 60, Allah Subhana Allah says, Carlos America fatten score home, we heard the young man who was

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mentioning them that would do the things with him. So he was young person who was able to stand against the establishment was able to go against the status quo and do the right things. And this is what we want from our, our teens. Prophet Yusuf when he resisted the temptation, of the wife of Allah says in verse number 30, in Surah Yusuf we will find that Allah subhana

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wa, war colonists welcome Phil Medina monopolizes to Fattah Fattah, she is trying to seduce her young helper, which means that he was teen he was a youth, yet he was able to resist the temptation. Why? Because he was

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brought up in a way that he was proud of his identity. He knows that he has a goal in life.

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One of the descriptions of the Companion of the cave, and Surah tailcap verse number 13, Allah planetaries mentioned and now 52 and over again, those are young people believed in the Lord and we increase them and guidance. So you see a Quran emphasizes this for us parents, so we make sure that we equip ourselves with the proper tools to help them and empower them to have this very strong identity and tell them their identity and know that they have a goal in life and you go after this rather than

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Going after any of these other things, and by the way, why why do you have to go for just just let's look at the CEO of Prophet Mohammed Salah Salah.

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You will find that, aside from our workers declared Alon the key players in the migration trip were mainly use right smack both was genders, male ismailia lohana

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Olive NaVi thoroughbred Alon and we will have hierarchy Alon, Abdullah happened. They are all young youth, which means that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam made sure that he engages with youth, he made sure that they are key players and they are part of every important decision

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during the Battle of bed, who killed two young boys

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who is a professor Sallam passes away, who was the leader of the army was Osama bin is a 17 years old. What does this tell us tell us that the police are seldom really

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spend time build this strong emotional bond between himself and his companions and empower them engage them and make them part to the activity of the Muslim community. That's why the the cat in the torch of Islam they were very proud of their identity, but if we leave them like this, it becomes very difficult and that is one use are very important also as one of the scorers

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mentioned they have very if they are not corrupted with

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our external environment, the pollute the external environment, they have very pure hearts, they have very profound feeling and very strong goodwill to achieve things. So, these are three very important important qualities that they possess. But what happened is

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that environment surrounding them is polluting these qualities and it is our role as parents to try to polish these kind of qualities and make sure that they are engaging, they are empowered, they are part of the activities they are part of, of the Islamic institutions who have so inshallah blasphemy is the way to

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do the job properly and will not go is today one way or the other. As you mentioned in your introduction, it seems like the future becomes nebulous. It's not certain it's unclear when you don't have because all of this that you're talking about. It seemed like all of them had a deep profound connection with their Creator. Exactly. And they were living according to the guidance of their Creator. Exactly. That By the way, this is one of the most important parenting principles for Muslims is to link and connect their children to the Creator. And this is given to us by the professor Salim right from the day the child is born, what we do will give as an in his ear. So the

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first word you will hear will be a law.

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Allah and this is a hint of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam that we Muslims will always strive for length. This week, Richard to his career for Allah subhanaw taala the source of every good thing source of power, wisdom, knowledge, every good thing because you need the support of his creator. If your child is doing the right seeing you because he's escaped from you, as soon as you turn your back, he's going to do the wrong thing. But if he's doing that, I think because he knows that a lot of us panel dial is with him all the time. As with folden salata Hari,

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if he is doomed, I think because he knows the fellas panatela is with him supporting him as well as observing over him. He will always strive to do that, I think, no matter if you are around or not, because that's part of his identity now that he rules that his career is him and he doesn't want to displace his career. show we're gonna take a break for everyone tuning in, don't go anywhere. You've heard as mentioned for our guests probably tuning in, maybe for the first time you've heard as mentioned his word Allah, Jesus, who we love and revere is one of the mighty messages sent by God. He called on according to this site called pedia Britannica, he spoke Aramaic and he called on God

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by the name, Aloha. So we're talking about the one that Jesus and all the prophets called people to worship. We're going to be right back with more here in a dish show you learning a lot, already a lot more to learn with us. So don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. The question is about whether Muslims are not good citizens. The Constitution defines what a good citizen is in the preamble it says we the people of the United States, form a more perfect union, establish justice ensure domestic tranquility to the most and I can say that as a good mother

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And most Muslims can say that Muslims, most Muslims are good Americans.

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Back here on the D show, and we're with Dr. Bashir, so empowering our children before they end up, getting maybe caught up into a lot of the negative environmental, cultural things that are not empowering them, they're actually destroying them. Exactly. So tell us now, some of the other practical tips that you give in some of your workshops, yeah, to help the parents to end up making a change for the positive in the children's eyes field that are

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five important components that parent should keep in mind and try to acquire.

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And if they do this, you'll be able to help their teens to be very strong, confident, proud of their identity, and the fairest of them is to have a vision for what we want our kids to be when they grow older. A second of them is to provide very healthy and post a family atmosphere, a set of them is to layer about various parenting skills from Islamic point of view. And the fourth of them is to be willing to change our ways to

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adopt these principles that will learn from Quran and Sunnah about parenting and use them with our children. And finally, to have a little bit of wisdom.

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So

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I'll talk about the vision in the next segment in Sharla, blumen, and their willingness to change but let me focus now on providing a positive and healthy family atmosphere. And on that wisdom,

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schoolers are

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in complete agreement, that family atmosphere is the most crucial

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factor that impact and influence and affect the personality of our children.

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Why is this?

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I think this so because Allah Subhana, Allah created us with our minds registering picture and much, much, much more than where it's, that's why modeling was the most important way of parenting, modeling. And that's why Allah subhanaw taala simple as Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam is our role model, as we were told in Surah verse number 21, can Allah configure rasulillah he sweat and Hashanah, man can Abdullah hayama Corolla kathira indeed you have in the example of the prusa Salim the best role model.

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So, we have to learn from the model of the professor salon, and more than for our children

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and more than for our children. Now,

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if we as parents do not provide healthy, encouraging, supporting, loving, caring family atmosphere,

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and all the time where and clashes, conflicts fighting, arguing with each other, what kind of marks is is going to leave on the personality of the child, a child feel insecure, within the home environment, and that would make him look for security and safety outside. And they may get the wrong advice from one of his peers. And he will do some of the things that you're talking about

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also is going to make him does not love that home environment which in his mind represents Islam.

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So, it is very important that we provide positive, healthy, caring family atmosphere because who will do this is going to leave a positive mark on the child and he would love what this represents. But to be able to do this we really have to do the right thing ourselves as you said modeling and his mind is just registering how are we treating each other how are we treating other sibling and so on and so forth. So that's a very important component providing positive and healthy and family atmosphere. Now, whatever

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principles we layered, we have to apply it was hikmah wisdom.

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What is wisdom, wisdom, as scorers define is is is

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to put them

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Knowledge, you know, and apply it in the right way and to do it at the right time.

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And Subhanallah there is a little bit of misconception

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when it comes to wisdom, and that this is dawn on people just taking one verse from Quran and forget about other verses. Verse number 269 in Surah Baqarah says, You tell Hc madonia share or mutilate. metacoda Heron kathira Allah subhanaw taala grants wisdom to Whoa, so ever he wishes and whoever is granted was, is granted. Lots of goodness. Yes, it is a grant from Allah subhanaw taala. It is a gift from Allah subhanaw taala like every other gift, but we can position ourself to receive this gift, it could be literally it could be acquired, because one of the

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beauties of the professor salon as defined by Allah subhanaw taala and Quran verse number 151 in Surah Baqarah verse number 164 on surah Tamron verse number two in Surah, two Juma

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that he teaches us the book and the heck, and there isn't so if hikma was not to be acquired, who live it? How come that Allah subhanaw taala saying that the prophet will teach us this. And and another thing is that in Surah

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Surah Allah subhanaw taala starting from verse number 23, up to this number 50 give us many orders seltos Waka darbuka Allah tabula rasa and Allah subhanaw taala have ordained that we should number 10 and be good and beautiful or parents, then give us so many other things to do and things to avoid. Then in verse number 39, is las panatela says the cabbies are highly corrupt buka meenal hekman. This is what Allah Allah has revealed to you from hikmah from wisdom, which means that if I apply the orders of Allah Subhana time, in heck might be able to position myself to receive this gift of Allah subhanaw taala. So it is very important that the parents would have this hikmah

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because you will need it when the deal with their teens, in many, many cases, you will need it to know that not everything the first child who is going to work with a second, you will need to know how much of their cultural

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practices should be imposed on them, and so on and so forth. So it is very important that we have this hikma an hour to an hour an hour with us so we can show a lot of love and help our children to avoid all these negative consequences. Beautiful advice. We'll be right back with more here on the dean show. Slump says love all mankind. That's why we're sharing this message because we want the best for you. And we want the best for all mankind. Please subscribe to the show, follow us on our official Facebook and Twitter pages in the links below. Please also help support the show by making a donation in the link below.

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Back here on the D show shake tell us I mentioned some of these young superstars that the youth they admire and they look up to. And then when something happens dramatic, they can't cope with like these young girls. Now they ended up literally cutting themselves in protest because he left the band right. So you have other examples when some of these use they keep climbing up to the next level and they experiment with everything that's out there. And then they get broke because they realize true happiness is not up there. So what what would you say to somebody, one of these young ladies who's cutting themselves you had opportunity to speak with them? They don't know much about

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Islam, or let's say someone like, you know, a little Chris. He actually was a superstar who, who they say I don't know if he committed suicide, but he ended up dying. Was it on about for because he was on drugs or whatnot? What How would you connect to one of these youth like this to to really capture their heart? Yeah, this brings us to how important for the parents themselves to have certain qualities.

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So they can help those young people to grow in a balanced way rounded way and to have a strong personality and not to be shaken by incidents like this. And the first of these qualities is that parents should have a vision for what they want from their teens to be when they grow older. I don't mean career planning. But as far as the character, the personality, the way they conduct themselves. And when you have a vision you're good

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Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter's achieving this vision. If you don't have a vision, if you don't spend enough time with your child, you are not going to they will and yours will pass by and they will grow for me by the environment around them, that we will do things like this. So the first and most important quality for parents to have is this, the Think about the vision, and this is what we want for our children. And if I can think about a common vision for all of us Muslims living here in North America, I think we should aspire to have our teens, like the generation of the companions of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam.

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why I'm saying this.

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I'm saying this because I think they are exactly in the same situation.

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They are a minority living among a big majority that's powered with their culture and their identity. And that's exactly the situation as a Harvard alum, but the Sahaba Delano, the found the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he was mentoring them, coaching them, giving them the model.

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So no matter how much pressures were on them, the VC were able to resist these pressures and go in the right direction.

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we as parents should learn from the model of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, then start modeling for our children. So this is a fitness thing. The second thing

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which parents should try to their best to acquire is to learn about

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parenting principles and Islam. Many of us are still parenting based on our cultural background, our experiences when we're young, and that reminds me for seeing of value. Now we thought about the Alon who said Rabu Ola de Kumara

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la pena colloquialism, Coronavirus, Manik raise up your children using methods may that may be different from the ones that were used with you. Because they are created for different times for different challenges. Imagine I'll even I thought of saying this 14 centuries ago, where the pace of change was very slow.

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How about our situation now, and it is not only different times, also different environments, so have to take environment into consideration, we have to learn the proper parenting skills, from the sources of Quran and Sunnah from what the prophet sallallahu Sallam told us. So this will be shaped all of these that we've given these examples, these extreme examples that are really becoming kind of almost the norm. We're giving what you're giving us this, this, this advice, the prevention Exactly. For now, it comes to that state where someone is cutting themselves, hanging themselves committing suicide. So I believe all of these, we can avoid all these things. And I can give you a

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practical example that have been with one of the parents who attend our workshops are parenting workshops, and our parenting workshops. We don't just talk about the principles of parenting, and and how to learn them. We also go through a self search exercise with the audience to try to find out what the sources of negative parental behavior we have, how can we get hit with these shortcomings and replace them with parental behavior? And one of the parents approached

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me during the question answer session, and mentioned the problem with one of his children. And I thought it Okay, let's, let's go through this self search process in detail and try to change the things you have. When you find the shortage comes thrive to change it. And I gave here that detailed how to do it, you know,

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a year later,

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we went to the same city and the same lady, she came and she says thank you very much. It really works. I changed myself. I know. Now what what I was doing wrong with my child. Now my relation with my child is much, much better. He talks to me, let me know what's going on in in his life. He's doing this doing that. So the goal isn't our course As parents, we really have to, to be willing to change to be able to apply the principles we learn

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from Quran and Sunnah many, many of the parents Zizi the, so I cannot change I'm like this you know what, although the main message of Islam is change for the better,

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we have preform ourselves and just a piece of good news for for for all the listeners, all the good qualities you need to be a good parent to make sure your child is not going to lose this kind of stage or acquire the qualities according to the Prophet sallallahu ala. You need knowledge, the proofs in MLM ob tallow. You can layer you need to be patient.

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During this process, a Prophet told us among some Bara sobre la if you train yourself to be patient, Allah subhanaw taala will help you to be patient. You need the good quality of forbearance. Again, the professor Santos Well, in Mr. Hill movie, hello, you can train yourself. So there is nothing is impossible, I can change myself to do the right thing to achieve the goal itself. So this is one of the very important qualities for parents to pull in the willingness to change themselves. Now you go around the world, I mean, you go around to different cities, different parts of the world. And you do these marriage workshop and parenting workshop. Yes. Specific now if somebody would like to

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contact you, and we'd like to have a workshop here, if any of the massages are in Chicago, next time you come out to Chicago, where can they locate you? Contact us so they can we can put together? Also we can have you back on the show. But also they can put together one of these workshops. Yes, the contact us via family don't look calm. family.com Yeah, send an email, then we'll send you the tentative availability dates, and we'll take it from there and show a lot of blood I mean, I'm sure at the different book shops. these are these are your books, these are all over the bookstores, and answers a frequently asked questions on parenting all of these are your your books in conjunction

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with your wife? Yes, yeah, people can get all these books, our family.com families on.com they can get it from the publisher right away man of applications or from amazon.com and all the reviews are there in amazon.com. So Mike, and thank you very much.

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So and thank you for tuning into the show. One word that really stuck with me, I hope is stuck with you was the change for the better. We want to instead of regressing, we want to progress forward. And that's what this Dean is way of life from the crater has an is inspiring us to do that we go ahead and we not only get empowered by it, but then we empower the people around us to the dour and who best to empower then our immediate family as the last the final messenger sent to mankind has a law saying in the Quran, save yourselves and your family's from the hellfire. That is what we want to avoid. And we want to get to Jenna paradise. So we want to live by the guidance that's set by the

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Creator. And that's the best guidance and then you will be empowered and then you won't be doing some silly, crazy things and getting in all sorts of trouble and then becoming at the end, despondent, falling into despair. And as you've seen many of those who have just followed their lesson desires, they end up committing suicide because at the end, there is no there's no fulfillment. They're just pain and displeasure. So we got some great advice today. Tune in every week. Subscribe if you haven't already, follow us, Facebook, Twitter, and also on Instagram, share our shows. We'll see you next time. Peace be with you.