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How To Love

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The Deen Show

Channel: The Deen Show

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Michelle, a lot of you are really, really thirsty. Like you guys like doing jumping jacks, why not? Yes, he was talking to yourself, like half of the back of the message, like cleared out as soon as you said, Go get drinks. So but but still, with that being said,

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one of the things that I that I want to do, you know, I understand that there are people that represent different demographics of the community here. So we've got parents here, we've got teenagers, we've got younger kids who are looking like what are these guys talking about? You know, I mean, we have different demographics I'm going to focus on and then I can't, because I don't believe in accommodating everybody. So I'm sorry, some of you are going to feel extremely left out of this talk. Okay, I'm going to focus on who I think is the most important, which is that that age that early, you know, that early age of teen the teenage years, when you're just starting to

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discover or someone who's going through a really bad relationship right now, or someone who's met the one right now, if I had YouTube, to my to my benefits my disposal, I want you guys to go look up a video whenever you get the chance. All right. You don't have to type this in your phone. It's easy. Stop, stop looking for excuses to use your phone. Everyone got the number? almost like you're typing a really long questions to stop, just wait till the end. Why guys and girls can be friends. Anybody seen that before? Why guys and girls can be friends. Okay, it's not an email. It's not gonna be a boring [???]. Okay, it's not going to be a lecture. It's literally a college student. This guy

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on some campus, I forgot who was non Muslim, who basically went around asking guys and girls, if they could be just friends with the opposite gender. Right? So all the guys that he was asking, you know, we're like, can't write, you know, the girls like, Yeah, of course. Yeah, I have plenty of guy friends, guy friends, you know? And then he kind of he kind of flips the script. And he goes, Well, do you think that that guy friend of yours would be willing to date you? If you were to offer yourself to Him? You know, like, yeah.

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So then, you know, point being made. Basically, guys and girls cannot be friends.

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You have to understand this, especially girls. Okay? Those of you who think this way, see all the guys know, you guys know this? Right? You can make this up and you can you can try to fool yourself or for someone else. But But girls, trust me. We're men. We're not going to lie to you guys and girls cannot be friends. Unless you guys have been neutered. You are not.

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You cannot be friends.

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Okay, suppose everyone understands that? Does anyone have any objection to that? Anybody?

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We've got that out of the way. How many of you watch Nancy Grace?

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Sister, Nancy Grace. Guys, Nancy Grace.

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If you're a guy that watches Nancy Grace, maybe you can be friends.

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So there is you all remember the ice and mud thing? The girl that disappeared in New Jersey?

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Right? You guys remember that? Right? So Nancy Grace, whenever they were looking for her.

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Nancy Grace, basically what she does, she's a reporter on CNN. And what they do is they they try to find subjects that will, you know, invoke a sense of emotion and things of that sort. So even sometimes topics that aren't really that important, right? And that's what the news does, right? It's like, okay, 500 Kids died in Somalia today. But Britney Spears shaved your head. Right? And that's headline news. So what she does is she always goes out and CDC finds the most newsworthy, or the things that will keep people's attention. So Hamdulillah, they decided to talk about a Muslim, right? Unfortunately, she wasn't really kicked out. But they decided to talk about a Muslim sister,

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right, who was going through that ordeal. And what she did was she brought her brother, right on the phone. She had her brother on the phone. And she's really, really, really annoying. Right? I can't stand her. I couldn't stand it before this whole thing happened. But anyway, what is he? What she was hinting at is that the girl ran away because she was forced into an arranged marriage. Right? That's what she's sensing. So she's going after her brother, who you can imagine at that moment doesn't feel like dealing with this whole thing. But this is what makes the news, right? This is what makes the news news going after her brother and saying, we're seeing a lot we're seeing a love

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marriage, or we're seeing an arranged marriage. Right. And once he was hinting out, she said, Where was your marriage arranged? Or was your marriage a loving marriage? Right? And essentially, he's saying no, you know, he's saying no, you know, I met with my wife a few times before, you know, we got together and then we got married and things of that sort. And then she said, Well, here in America, we get married. We have love marriages. We get

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married when we love each other, right? And that's what's your thing? That's the kind of love. The issue here is that our Deen the concepts of our Deen the things that make Islam Islam are consistently under attack, you are consistently being told that your religion is backwards, that your religion is not applicable to, you know, to you as a 21st century American, you are consistently being given that message, I'm consistently being given that message. We watch movies, we listen to music that gives us that message. Right? The people around us give us that message. Sometimes Muslims act that way, right? Because whenever Muslims, you know, start to behave in a very

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different way. Whenever, whenever a non Muslim is in the room, and we become apologetic over our faith. No, no, we're not terrorists. We don't believe in violence. We don't believe in jihad. There's no such thing as Yeah, Who said anything about Jihad? There's no such thing as a joke. What are you guys talking about? We're just like you Let's all just hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

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Let's have an interfaith dialogue, which is really just me trying to be accepted. Right? We we have kind of accepted this inferiority thing.

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Right. It's not very complex. We think that our Deen is inferior. We think that our Deen is what makes, you know, our countries back home or where our parents came from backwards. Right? We think it's a slap. We take Unfortunately, the cultural because of our ignorance, the cultural innovations that have come down been passed down to us, we think Islam is backwards because of those cultural innovations. Right? We think the only reason the Muslim world has dictators and has oppressors. And the only reason why they haven't gotten so far with this, and this and this is because of Islam. We have an inferiority complex, but Islam is what took a very indecent bunch called the Arabs of the

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Southern century. Okay, and turn them into an ideal civilization. This is not Islamic history. This is history, turn them into the people of morality, turn them into a people of progress, turning them into them people of decency, right, turn them into a people of dignity. turn them into a people that gave birth to math that gave birth to law as we know it today. You know, all of these advancements came from the Muslim world medical advancement, right? Even the numbers that we use today, for all of this came from a people that were barbaric, that were so backwards, that you know, miraculous whenever he was seeing the dream of the Prophet sallallahu. It was on him when he What did he states

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in the troubles of young. So you know, I know that I knew there was a profit coming, but I don't think he'd be you guys. Like, seriously, you are the most vacuous people on the face of the earth. And it's not made them human. It's not made them civilized. It's not made them dignified. Right. So that's the first thing when we say Paulina did not hit on that a bit Islami Nina Wahby, Mohammed in solo Lombardi, we sent him to be a little sooner. We're pleased with the laws Our Lord, we're pleased with this nominee, our team, we're pleased with the messenger. So a lot more It was our profit. We're making the testimony that you know what, we know that this is good for us. Not only

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are we submitted, not only are we being obedient, we understand that everything that is in the plan, and the sooner is better for us that the creator knows better than me as a creation. Because I'm limited by my senses, I can be fooled by my senses. And let's face it, we're pretty stupid creation. When it comes down to it. You can be sitting on a rollercoaster ride, and a cardboard box to jump out at you. And you'll scream. It's a cardboard box, you know, it's a cardboard box. When you get on the ride. You know that that's not really you know, SpongeBob coming to kill you. But you still scream. Why? Your senses, you're limited by your senses. It's a 4d world for us. You're limited by

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your senses. Right? Allah Subhana time knows what's best for us. So number one coming to you know, coming to the conclusion that Allah knows what's better for me and I accept this wholeheartedly. And I understand this is what made a very uncivilized people a backwards people civilized in the first place. And as a human being this is what's going to give me purpose in life. Because you know, some kind of law, there are so many books that have been written, right? I remember one book, The hell of a purposeless life, the health of a purposeless life, a life with no purpose. And you know, the full height of the scholars of tusky they call it j Haman,

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the hell of being deceived of deluding yourself. Right. And this is essentially what's happening when we're actually believing that our way is inferior. And let me tell you why it's had a loss. I you know, I appreciate what he put him, you see that he brought statistics, right. He didn't just say Hold on, as soon as as this no these are statistics. Sometimes we need to be slapped upside the head with those things. And you know, Pamela,

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when it comes to the idea of a love marriage, right. And essentially, it's in fact, infatuation, as we said, somehow a lot. You see all of the pleasant things that the other person is putting up as a front

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Right, you see their best face, and you have no idea what's under that wrapper. Right? It's almost like looking at a piece of chocolate that's wrapped up with a nice wrapper, not knowing what the ingredients are not knowing where it came from not knowing anything about it and saying, I want that.

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Just because of the rapper. Right. And that's kind of the first night after the first night that you get married. After all that stuff has happened, you've already experienced, you've already experienced the positive aspects you've already experienced the joy of love and the joy of going out together and the joy of this first time and that first time, the first time we held hands The first time we shared a smoothie the first time we went to the movies together the first time this the first time that

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and then marriage comes in all marriages is a bundle of responsibility.

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And you are going to regret that parents for the rest of your life. You're gonna hate yourself somehow a lot. What happened? That front is not there anymore. You're seeing the person for who they are all the makeup is gone. Right makeups not there anymore. Now you got white cream everywhere.

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And Winnie the Pooh, you know, a PJs and stuff like that. Like now you've got what happened? Where did it all go? That's not what I signed up for. It was all the fronts. It was all the fronts, right?

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And infatuation is the key. So Pamela, what does Islam give us in return? Because you know, somehow a lot, a lot catalyst kind of time demanded us to be monks, right to live celibate lifestyles, be very tough for us. Everything that Allah gives us, everything that allows parents either has provided in this life that offers joy through a haraam Avenue, Allah subhanaw taala has provided an alternative. There is nothing in this life except that Allah, Allah gave us a halal alternative and that's purely from the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala. You know, I did a minor in biblical studies. Do you know an old Christian theology? Getting married is frowned upon? This is disgusting, right?

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celibacy is the only way if a person gets married that person is someone who's doing something detested repulsive out there that right, somehow the law, I mean, in other theologies, obviously the only way to really achieve spiritual illumination is to go to the extreme of being celebrated living living that life right as a monk, in our Deen. We seek a loss of hundreds out of through marriage, which gives us joy anyway, somehow a love marriage is half of your deen. That's a Russia. That's a Russia, that half of your deen is something that's as tangible as marriage as making that work as seeking the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala through another human being, through showing mercy to

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another human being, right through restricting your ego with another human being. And here's what happens whenever we get into the whole love marriages and the infatuation. I did a little bit of research myself, you know, the whole first love thing. You know, I'm not even going to talk about something as extreme as as losing your virginity. talks about the concept of your first love. There is a Pittsburgh sociological journal, and what the statistic that they have the you know, how many people actually end up marrying their first look?

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You know, how many people actually out of marrying the first look?

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Anyone want to give me a percentage

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5.85% that means if you meet 100 people, 99 of them ended up marrying someone or if they even got married, right? 100 and married people 99 of them married someone that they did not think they were going to be with

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99 of them. 99 of them fell for it.

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And you think a loss pilots Allah is giving us something that's hard. Ask the people that have been through relationships, that's a hell. That's the one rule to invest emotionally invest yourself emotionally into something that's not even going to give you anything at the end of the day. To tell someone your secrets to trust somebody you know, and the stance of the trust the longtime I don't know how far it goes sometimes, right? You trust them with your secrets. You trust them. You say I want to be with you for the rest of my life. We trust them with parts of your body. Right? I've had many times Pamela in my six years as being the man I retired from the lock lock on my film.

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This is yours. This is your this is all you

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know, some kind of luck. So I had so many situations religious MSA, kids, kids that were like all into it. Right. And the sister who wears a Jonathan's and Bob says, Well, we Skype and I decided I can take off my hijab in front of them on Skype. I just take off my job, because I know I'm gonna marry her. I know I'm gonna marry him. It never happens. never happens. Why? Because there's no better candidate from the last panels on it. It always falls apart. It always falls apart. That's a hell.

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That's punishment in this world to go through relationship after relationship after relationship. And every time you get in a relationship, you know what a piece of you dies, capacity to love dies capacity to trust, a piece of that goes away. Right? Your emotion, all of it, it goes, it gets lower and lower and lower your expectations. They only rise because you're seeing more and more into our thoughts, right? Somehow a lot, you know, when he when he talks about how detrimental pornography is, has been on society? Why has pornography been so detrimental to society? Why am I Why has all this whole, you know, this image that's being shoved down our throats? Why is it so detrimental?

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Because it's not real. It's not reality. And the fact of the matter is, is whenever you find out that reality is a lot harsher than what it's been made out to be. And it's held its punishment, it's genuine,

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consistently going relationship after relationship after relationship, trying to make it work, trying to find a way to make this headed trying to find a way to get my parents to agree with this. And then that doesn't happen

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a lot. And let me tell you why I lost parents out of stops. And you know, you want to talk about practicality, muscle muscle, a lot of them said get married for for more, you know, you can get married for four reasons you get married for a person as well, for their status, for their beauty or for their Deen for me not to do it. But to choose Dean Or else, you know, may your hands be covered in dust, meaning it's permissible. Look, you can get married to a person because you like the way they look. It's hot, but it's not smart.

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It's not smart, allows planets it gave you that options from from a fifth perspective, as long as you fulfill the requirements of merits from both sides. If you decided to pursue a person for their beauty, talent, it's just not wise, it's not smart. Because that's not something that's going to last, the looks will go and then you'll have to deal with the other stuff. And the other stuff might not be so plus and what Allah subhanaw taala is protecting us from is having our rationale slanted. Our thinking slanted, no one of you can tell me that dating does not make them biased and does not does not make them make, you know an uninformed decision. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. This is

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the person that's going to be the other parent of your children. This is the person that's going to come this is the person you're going to confide in. This is the person when you go through financial difficulties, the economy is only getting worse. And trust me, you will go through financial difficulty at least once in your life, you will write this is the person that you're gonna have to lean on for support. This is the person you're gonna have to lean on whenever you get betrayed on the outside. And if you if you're not making a rational and informed decision, whenever you get married, then you're just like that person was basically willing to eat a piece of chocolate just

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because they liked the way the wrapper looks. Right? Allah subhanaw taala wants us to make the best decision. Why? And let me tell you what, a lot of times we go into a relationship with the whole head on cover because they find deceives us. So a lot makes things seem how to write at least we're not doing this at least we're not doing that. But we're gonna get married. But we only talk about the you know, here and there. You know, some had a lot of say, pawn deceives. us and he deludes us, but let me tell you what happens. Right? Here's what I've dealt with a million times, and I'm sure he will say the same thing. Whenever you say, but I like her for her religion, too. She's a

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religious person, or he's a good brother. Right? It's not just that. But why do you think he's religious? Right? Why do you think she's religious? What caused you to have a biased view at this point? Let me tell you something. If you already want to marry someone for other reasons, you will make that person out to be religious and even from that, even if they're not religious. You know, Michelle, she's so good. why she's so good. She listens to source every night.

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You know, you ignore all the others though. Mashallah, he's such a good brother. He's so religious. Why is he so religious? I said, law, he prays five times a day.

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So how do you make him out to be whatever you want him to be? Because you already want him? Your decision making has been slanted, and you're about to make the most important decision of your life and it's biased and it's crooked. Why because you allowed your infatuation to cloud, your rationale, your judgments, and a loss of Hana data does not want us to do them. Essentially, you know, some people say well, does that mean you know we go all for arranged marriages right? You know, it's funny, whatever the older generation, no offense, I told you, I'm sorry, getting 111 demographic, right. Whenever brothers and sisters brag, you know that I never saw your brother before we got

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married.

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I didn't know how she looked.

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That's not gonna work right now. It's just not gonna work. Okay? And it's not the sooner. It's not from the sooner. Right The Prophet sly set him. He gave permission, you go and you look right, not not without he's out. I don't know where we've got this idea now that women can take off their heads out when they're being considered for marriage. Right. So how to look not without a job. You look at the person, right? You look at their face. You You know, you get to know one another fine. In a holiday. I'll talk about what that means exactly. Unless I hit that five minute Carter, or time but you those things are factors in the marriage. There are factors in the marriage. But what do you

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look for first? What is the basis for your pursuits of a first

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Dean? Right? So essentially, when you want to eat a piece of chocolate, does anyone have a piece of chocolate here? I need a demonstration or a piece of gum

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or something?

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I'll save the Butterfinger

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kicker.

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If I don't know what a good cat is, if I just got off the boat from somewhere else in the world, they didn't have tickets. That's a really backwards country. But no because what

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what's the first thing I want to know about this?

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ingredients? What is it? What is it made of? Right? Is it chocolate? Is it hard candy righties? Can't handle hard candy? I'm not a big fan of caramel, um, you know as a white shot, what is it? Milky Way? What is it? You know, what is it? The first thing you want to know are the ingredients.

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The ingredients are something that you look for. And you know what that's going to lead you to the next step. Where did it come from? Where was it manufactured? Look, let me tell you guys a secret about chocolate that comes from Switzerland. It's awesome. I think what I think and England

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I wasn't very impressed with the food and they I was just in the UK last week. They were giving me a hard time over my American accent.

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Like somehow I don't know how you adapted here.

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Because everything I would say there turned out to be funny. When I got to the airport. I got to the point I was calling the brothers and I said that I'm wearing khaki pants and a brown sweater they just bust out laughing Why are you guys laughing? Apparently pants over there means underwear.

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Have you ever seen say trousers. That's why everything was funny over First you want to know the ingredients you pursue on the basis of what it's made of. That's what a loss of palates Allah has given to us to pursue on the basis of Deen not that every single person who has Deen is going to be compatible with you. But the basis of you're looking at a person in the first place is Dean what it's made of.

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Then you want to know where it came from? Either attack amento Dona Dena, what

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if someone a lot of us have lost like someone actually gave us two criterias By the way, for looking for a person considering a person, the end character, Dean and character, the inner beauty of a person, the way that person acts, the way that person treats people. Right? All of that is considered and clueless because you know what, there are people that have religion, they wear religion on their sleeves, but their character is terrible. They have no character whatsoever. They're rude. They don't smile at people they're not you know, they're gonna they're saving with their business practices. And the prophets lie Selim when he was asked about the woman who was was

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slept was was rough with her neighbors who was abusive towards her neighbor was verbally abusive towards her neighbors. When she prayed, right, she was doing salon she was doing the cast, she was doing all the outward rituals. What did the prophets lie Some say about her?

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What did he say? Somebody told me? So how about the problems I saw? There's a woman who prays she did all that stuff, but she was abusive towards her neighbors. One of the problems I'm saying about him is he can't answer. He's not gonna bail you out. What did he say?

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Come on.

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Yes,

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he cannot. Right. We all know that she's in Hellfire Park usually even the adults will say she's in hellfire. But the prophet sighs on set something else the Prophet size. Sam said last year, he had he have enough. She has no good inside of her. She is devoid of spirituality on the inside. She's in the Hellfire, meaning what hook the inner beauty of a person translates to how they deal with the people. Right? So you look towards their deep you look towards their character, then is it important to consider beauty? Is it important to consider physical attraction? Yes, it is. It's not how long the province is I would not have given permission to

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Look, these were Sahaba these were the greatest men, you know, these were this was the greatest generation. Why? Because if I'm not physically, I'm not saying that she, you know, that person has to be, you know, what I've been looking at, you know, in terms of billboards and in terms of what I've been seeing on yahoo.com. Whenever I log, whatever, that I'm not saying she has to look like that, right. And by the way, let me tell you something, people who aren't picky with looks, end up marrying someone marrying someone that that totally is below their standards, like 10 years later, once they start balding,

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and getting fat. And all of a sudden, the standards have gone down. Right standards not there anymore. So not being too picky. But But I'm talking about minimal physical attraction, something that will help me to lower my gaze. That's practicality last pentatonic gives us that, right? I need someone that's going to help me lower my gaze, I need to look towards someone that will help me lower my gaze. That's fine. that's acceptable. Right? The other factors come in. Right? And yes, is heavily considered, I guess, let me tell you why. The main reason why marriage is and by the way, you know, the statistic, I'll be the first to admit this statistic that's, that shows how much more

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successful arranged marriages are than love marriages. This is the what they would call it, right? Obviously, they're different degrees of arranged marriages. But the statistics show that arranged marriages are much, much, much more successful. But I'll even say that statistic is biased because of culture, no doubt about it. Right? In some cultures, you know, getting a divorce is blasphemous, right? So yes, that statistic is biased. But but at the same time, one of the major points that's made there about why it's better to marry with your family on your side, right? Where there's agreement between the families where there's where there's a sense of Sakina, where the environment

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is tranquil and peaceful, is because whenever you have problems in your marriage, you will have problems in your marriage, who are you going to go to for support,

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you're going to go towards your family, you're going to go towards your you know, you're going to go towards your family, you're going to count on them, even if you think that you're not going to count on them, at the end of the day, you will go back to them counting on them. If two people get into a marriage, where the parents don't like each other, the parents don't like the other person. And we've we already made this happen. And then we're saying Dad, Mom, you have you know, you got to deal with this, it's going to happen regardless, what happens is when that when those problems start to take place, they have no one to look to for support. Right, the out the out the external

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environment is actually pushing them to separate. Right. And that's going to come most of the time when people get married only because of infatuation. Because they've spent time with each other. so on so forth, that's usually what's going to come is an unsupportive environment. That's not what an ideal, that's statistics. That's how it is. Right? And if everything around you is pushing you to separate, you know what the divorce rate in this country is

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55%, when you get married, you are more likely to get a divorce in this country than to stay married. That's terrible. So how to love when you get married, I have a great imagine when people are walking the island, this country, you know, it's not even a 5050 chance anymore. Most likely, the person that I'm walking the aisle with right now is not going to be my wife in a few years. That's terrible. Why? Because you know what, it's not all that it's being made out to me, we have to trust that Allah Subhana Allah has our best interests in mind. So with that being said, I want to just I know that I'm gonna get the notes. So I just want to, because I know that people always say

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this isn't practical enough. Right? It's not practical, we understand the concept, we have to trust the last printout, we have to submit. So I want to I want to try to give some some tips.

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Usually the major obstacle to marriage, because usually what's going to happen when people say, Well, I want to get married, but who's stopping me?

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Parents, right. And to all of the parents here,

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I will address you directly. Now. Do not expect your kids to stay away from how long when you're making plans so hard.

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And how long is so easy to them, do not expect them to stay away from cut off. You know, some kind of luck, the scholars have emphasized both past and present the importance of helping people to get married.

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I remember the number I don't think a lot to either even was talking about you know the priority and Zika the priority and his account, give charity to a poor person who's having trouble getting married, healthier health help these people get married. So that's a priority in this day and age because of the the incredible amount of fitna around us. Right. How long is so easy, don't make hella hard. Has it's it's just we're just not living in a society anymore. Where even if you go to these websites, right? It's like somehow

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Look at the demands right 30 year olds dermatologist, see, you know, seeking, you know, 32 year old dermatologist from Hyderabad, or from Busan author from whatever it is or from from Ramallah or whatever it is, whose grandfather wrote a donkey with my grandfather something like,

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seriously? And then you say you're not racist. And that's the kind of law whenever the time comes whenever someone comes, who has been who has followed who's compatible? Right? Well, they're not from our family. They're not from our race. They're not from our tribe, they're from a different country. Oh, don't you know, all of these people are like this, all of those people are like that. That's a 10 mc. panel, ah, and you wonder why your children are not motivated towards doing things the hard way. So parents, make sure that you're supportive, even if you are not, I'm not even gonna pay attention to them.

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Even if you aren't, even if you're not in agreement with that person, right? Even if your kid comes up to you at 18 years old and says, Mom, Dad, I want to get married. Even if it's not realistic, at that point, at least show some support, at least say, okay, we're gonna help you and shuttleq you know, just get through this much. And I don't mean get through med school and residency and then get get a job for two years. Right? It's unrealistic, I'm sorry, get through this much, then inshallah, we'll help you. We will help. We'll support you. So Pamela, you know, at least show them support show them that I'm in your corner, that I want to help you I understand this is an obligation, I'm

00:31:34--> 00:32:16

going to be on your side, because it makes you very, very, very hopeless, when they get just a flat note from their parents. So we have to support our youth inshallah Tada, and getting married. And yes, getting married young is from the sooner getting married young is from the sooner Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the person who gets married to protect themselves has a right upon a loss of hundreds out of to be supported a loss of Hannah hoods Allah is not a half a million dollar making, you know, Dr. Somewhere, a loss of humans as the creator of the universe, and the person who tries to protect themselves for the sake of that loss of power, and goes out, you know,

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seeking marriage, the hard way, a loss of hand wants out of has guaranteed them that he will help. So we have to trust the last rounds out also As parents, we also have to have our trust in the last panel. Now on the on the flip side of that, and I remember

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I remember saying something about he just recently posted something on his Facebook, that was really, really interesting. But he said basically, if you know, if your mom is still folding your bedsheets and still doing everything for you, then don't expect to just get a wife who's basically going to replace your mom, you have to also show that you're responsible enough inshallah, that you're making steps towards that, that you're motivated, that you're on your way to trying to become financially independent, so on and so forth. Okay, make that way, fine. Now, let's say that the parents are not agreeing to the person that you once.

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All right.

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There are plenty efficiency.

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Seriously, there are plenty of plenty of zombies in the masjid. There are plenty of those and

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plenty of fish in the sea. Now, if it's a situation where this is a person that is truly, you know, some have a lot who's really at a different level, seek the counsel of the Messiah and or seek the counsel of the mountains, trying to get people involved, make his life a little bit harder, given what work. Let me tell you why. You know, in many communities when I say that I feel guilty, because the first thing that's gonna come back to me is that people are gonna say we don't have the moms in this community. Dallas is blessed. Dallas is blessed, Mashallah, there's emails everywhere. Use those amounts. Use those counselors, get other people involved, fine. And at the same time you pray,

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it's the bottom. You know, this is the biggest decision in your life, you pray, it's the photo. And when you pray is the photo, please don't expect a dream to come. And if you see a dream, you've been thinking about that person anyway. That's not the answer to your stepfather. All right, if you if you practice the hot on the massage while you saw him, and as you saw your knight in shining armor, it's just because you were thinking about, it's not as the Father. It's the hollier essentially asking Allah subhanaw taala if this is good for me, make it easier for me if it's bad for me, but obstacles between me and it's simple as that. Right? Trust the loss of pirates. I know that

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sometimes people come to me and they say, I want to praise the thought of, you know, how do I praise the father then when I tell him what is the Father has, they're like, Can I just make us proud to give me that person?

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So basically, you're saying whether it's a good move or not, I still want that one. Even if it's good or bad, trust the loss. rate is the bottom and do not listen to me.

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Very carefully, sometimes you will be justified in doing this. And sometimes you will find someone who's compatible, but your families are not agreeing, you don't understand how important families getting along, is our marriages, have no idea how to love it is that important, it's that crucial, right? And do not sacrifice a relationship that started with your, with your existence on this earth. For a person that you've known for two, three months, seriously, don't sacrifice a relationship for 2025 30 years, for a person that you've known for 234 months, you cannot be willing to throw that out of the door, you can write if your parents are unjustified. And really, you know,

00:35:43--> 00:36:02

your There are not many options, get someone else involved, try to reason with them, try to bring them in some have lots of attitude, you know, try to bring them to to agree to that. But then, you know, just make sure you are not going to be one of those people who comes and says, Well, in this school of thought, I don't need a woody, come on.

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Don't play that game. Don't play that game. Or, you know, technically speaking, I don't need my dad to agree, I don't need my mom to agree. Right? Don't do that. Don't throw away those relationships, if you start and this is why again, the rock never lost the wisdom of this name. If you start and you make a rational decision, and when you are, when you are looking at potential candidates for marriage, you don't have anything that's that's making buys that slanting you towards one direction or the other. And you asked the TOEFL the loss of hundreds. And you and you include your family and all of your family from the very, very, very start. And so lots Allah you will find that person be

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patient, you will find that person, do not put yourself through the torture of relationship after relationship after relationship, thinking that that's a better alternative that's just gonna make you more depressed. That'll ruin you even more. And I can tell you some kind of law, many, many people that you might look up to and respect, they've been through that too. Everybody goes through a phase, right? But just make sure that when the last patata guides you again, when you are going to make the most important decision of your life, make sure you make it considering all of the factors. And if your family parents, please listen to me. Cooperate with your children, help them right.

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Don't be hypocritical with your standards. help them find that right person, be supportive of them. Listen to them, if they have someone that they're considering. Listen to them. Right? consider some had a lot that the best option in that regard. Right and make sure that you don't allow them to become hopeless because if they become hopeless, essentially say mom became hopeless. Vanessa, sign up, say Brian became hopeless at Lhasa was simpler, he became hopeless, he distanced himself from a loss. That's why I say Tom does what he does. Don't allow your kids to become homeless, help them and youth don't become hopeless. Because even if your parents are terrible, and even if your parents

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are not helping you up, if you go out and you form a how long relationship,

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you're still going to bear that burden on the Day of Judgment.

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Okay, you're still going to bear that burden. So until it comes, my time is up. I'm gonna stop blogging and I think we'll take questions from Zach