The Fiqh of intimacy 3 of 5
Channel: Tariq Appleby
File Size: 15.88MB
scarless Delta on how frequent sexual intercourse.
Okay, let's go through the
Rocky Balboa, he says it should happen every four nights.
Okay? It should happen every four nights.
You say it should happen once every four months.
Every four months
should happen every Friday morning.
Okay, what do you notice about all of these opinions?
I haven't mentioned anything
that says that men and women should be engaging in sexual intercourse so many times, you know, it was something else.
But rather, these are studies looking at certain certain, you know, certain diseases, whether they be physical reasons, for emotional reasons, or in the case of the poor man's, the fact that
he didn't allow the pig to stay locked in it for months. And you wanted me to come back to the wives, because he feared that I've seen this Indian.
This is a frightening statistic. In India, as you know, many, many men go and work with the government.
They go and work in the Gulf currency to go to Dubai.
And they leave behind the wives for years for
234 years, even more, sometimes, they just sit
what I found in the city when I was living, that
of adultery cases.
Okay? Imagine a woman has not seen her husband, she has desires, like Amanda's desires, she has not seen performance for eight months, yet.
It is unlikely that she will fall into a relationship, it's working, but it does happen. And this is one of the things that we discussed at the beginning.
That it helps you to know your case, and protect your marriage. And so one of the most important parts of marriage, sexual intercourse, because the only way you're going to achieve nobody you're getting your private cars and not being desirous of married women that you are married to is if you're sexually fulfilled in your in your relationship, okay.
what is the proper it's up to the couple to understand one another and understand what the needs are the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife, that if you have an understanding about communication, what I assume is that you should be able to walk to your spouse and say, you know, and be open about it and say that this is these are my knees, these are my words. And
they will be fulfilling one of the objectives all of them. So there is no time, you know, given our frequency.
The next issue is illegal intercourse is absolutely
up to date. And
they even have a punishment for someone who his wife complains to the judge that my husband insists on having intercourse with me in this way that he should pay a fine for the mixer
and the hole that he should pay for to have a gold coin as a as a penalty, which is to see penalty. But obviously the only way that the courts will know about this is if the wife the wife complains, unfortunately, because of the effect of pornography on the minds of the Muslims. This is something a lot of sisters have complained to me personally about that their husbands forced him to do this exists. Make him feel you know emotionally blackmailed him to do these things and will like it is despicable and disgusting. And we need to understand, you know that Allah subhanho wa Taala has made so many things it is absolutely no reason to find sexual satisfaction in something with a loss of a
handle of data has made Hello. Okay That leads me to the next issue
which is mutual estimation.
is it's a noun, meaning that they
may estimate his wife and a wife may investigate her husband. And we'll talk later about whether or not you know, estimation is permissible, but usually it's permissible. Why? Because it's part of foreplay, what do you think the scholars do mentioned is that this person does not take the place of sexual intercourse
this was not take the place off of this does not become a substitute for him
go back to those other issues, again, the same thing about
the visible and those who say that it is not permissible these no explicit takes money and actually, if you think about it, the purpose of the law
is narrow elliptica do everything with a woman is doing except to not have SQL relations. So, if all six was
explicitly mentioned, because
the slot is of the strategy predominantly follow
up find that it's necessary to talk about something very sharp, both
contemporary and classical
is not permissible, why because they view that the secretions the fluid and the lubrication of a woman's vagina lubrication is that is his fault. And so, therefore, it is unbecoming for a husband to do this act to his wife, because he would then be he would then be you know, engaging in nudges
to a husband because it is it is done.
But with that thinking with that analogy and that logic, it is also possible to have sexual intercourse
and it will not be permissible with that understanding that if a woman
wants to be in a manner other than the sexual intercourse, that he will not be able to do so.
Okay. So, we come back to the original Heidi narrow
when again, the disclaimer, number one, it must not take this is the main one, it must not take the
place and must not be a substitute for, for sexual intercourse.
Kid, right. So all 60s permissible, but it must be not take the place off, it must not take the place of security.
It is not permissible for a man to have sexual relations with his wife, while she speaks to me it is not permissible for you to have sexual relations with them.
So what about this scenario?
She's no longer leading, but she has not yet taken the whistle. Is it permissible for a man to have relations with his wife at that time? And the answer is no, he must wait until she has before the whistle
tells us find out how
leave clean themselves. Now you may approach him sexually again. Now, what is it that you during those few days in which is why is menstruating and he can he cannot have sexual relations with us. He the prophets of Allah It was like I said earlier with the issue of policies, he said that her husband must make sure that the issue between his wife stable and the needs is covered. And they enjoy every part of
So while employment is next to a wide variety
in sexual you know sort of relationship,
sexual activity with his wife, but not even to everything, but not have to not have sexual intercourse. Okay, so you're the usual destination. And you know, other things also come into play.
I don't know if I should mention this.
We were 1213 years old 14. And we will go into an often because I don't know what system you have yet.
But what I do know is that you do episodic studies as part of the Canadian government schools but
The government school I went to didn't have any Islamic Studies. So by the end it says, due
to the hours.
So we've been doing this issue without teacher, you know, and obviously it's a 14 year old boys.
So much anyway. So he got to this issue and he spoke about not having relations with your wife while she's been sleeping. So what?
What should you do?
masturbation is something which the fear, the fear, clear text.
So the reason I avoid this is to not to be
offended about it. So, what are we left with? We're left with scented versus
goddess and extracted, the extracted the purpose of the ruling the destination is. What Bobby's familiar with.
The believe is they only have sexual relations with the spouses and the same goes whoever wishes to satisfy the sexual desires in a in a way other than those other places. So
that refers to one of the things that refers to his destination. It also refers to see now, it also refers to adultery, but because you are satisfying your sexual desire in a way other than doing so with your spouse, there is
years ago, he wrote a book
about masturbation, and he came to the conclusion
that it was permissible, okay, it was too visible. But
he didn't talk about
one of the main reasons why young people feel the need to masturbate is because they sexual desires of the
body with material on a daily basis.
We will drive down here to see a boat
will watch a program on TV, we will watch a YouTube video that
will have been in bikini, so we'll have something else. And you are being bombarded with this. And if a person has no way to fulfill that to satisfy their sexual desires, what are they going to do?
reservations become more prevalent, it's going to be that way of the sexual desires, okay.
and this is something I will talk about music as well. The
to not say that a Coldplay concert is
like this. One is to say that you can listen to music they know to go through Maroon five.
Why? Because listening at home to music is far different than from being in a concert with everyone is not placed properly, where the intermingling of the six is when alcohol is being consumed when drugs are being consumed. Right, it's not the same thing. So the same thing of what I want to mention about this, the scholars who say that masturbation is parallel and permissible, those scholars do not say is permissible to to eat, while viewing pornography or any other material that heightens your sexual desire. We must understand that
unless we make a distinction, then we will be basically what we can introduce is like I understood my own cousins. I know them and that's my personal opinion. Okay. I told him that it's possible to listen to music, any kind of musical instruments.
And he didn't sit but
he was he is not a new issue. But
here's the thing. You when you listen to your music,
He goes to the nightclubs and he goes to bars way to listen to music you know like man's existence. The scholars who say that music is divisible
to not allow you to go to those
debts, and understand that understanding the so called fixed issue is having a profound understanding that something needs fixed needs is a big kick is not that, you know, understanding that we should pray five times a day. Next
thing is understanding 72 speakers
think is the deeper the 72. Again,
that's a deeper understanding. So we've been talking about musical masturbation or any other issue, we must understand the
need to understand the difference of opinion, why there is a difference of opinion, otherwise known as a sort of mechanical
view, and you have that view.
You always have that until we get to this
understanding the reasons why we have differences, we will continue to discuss it in that way. Okay.
I spoke about this earlier.
detail, culture, and photography, have now shaped the way that we understand what is normal, what is normal in a relationship with your spouse. Because if you are not exposed, if you were never exposed to anything, not movies, not monography novel, any books about anything sexual before you get married,
then you will adapt to your sexual relationship. Next
is no preconceived idea of what it's supposed to be like. Okay, and you will also one of the things about productivity is you hide it, someone will start out by viewing pornography that we might consider to be soft. Okay, just you know, naked people later use, he or she will find that that kind of monography doesn't satisfy the medieval, so there was what's odd to
me, this isn't enough now. Now the need to watch things that are based on my fictitious, like, you know, bondage analogies, and it gets worse and worse and worse. Okay, no one ever starts watching that, you know, these see types of pornography, though, it's a gradual process. And for those people who use drugs, it starts out you know, with with marijuana mostly, and then needs
to start using go harder and harder drugs. pornography is like a drug with the fix the brain in the same way that drugs affect the brain. And that is why they are a huge problem. Right now with people who are addicted to pornography.
That's the problem is healthy men and women, we shouldn't think about this as being and this is another issue that I want to talk about before moving on,
we find that today
we will have been exposed to the same kinds of material and we will not becoming more sexual than women used to be okay. Whereas in the past it was, you know, you would go to strip clubs and they will go to Brussels and other than other than other places like that, you know, what did you see did and places like that because of you know, the revolution in communication with the internet especially, we will not be exposed in the United Kingdom. Do you know how bad the problem is amongst British girls.
It's a huge problem.
That he was kicked out as a result.
In the last five years, the amount of cases that high schools have had to deal with, we young boys and girls between the ages of 13 and 16 have been filming themselves committing sexual acts inside the bathrooms in the fields of these schools as increased you know, hundreds of
so it was every month when I read the news is a case of a group of boys having
having sex with a go boy go a few girls having sex with a boy or two girls, boys and they are holding themselves to me and they're uploading it to the
kind of thing happening you know, 100 years ago, even 50 years
ago, one of my one of my teachers he gave
his notice and
shows you that no one is protected.
You know, you you people view you as a scholar or they view you as a you know, as an ego of the community.
Usually our children are all exposed to the same things. These girls do this, you know, this pornographic photo, and they get it under the mattress. So the five and four year old brother and sister found it. So they pushed it into the VCR,
VCR. Okay. And what they saw, obviously, was sexual acts, you know what they did? The husband and the wife a shift and his wife found a five year old son and a four year old daughter, would they close all the clothes off doing what they were seeing?
This is what's happening.
Why do you find out why is actually the last few years why so many companies been selling software that allows you to block access to those kinds of websites on your on your computer, because it
is a default for something. And that's also one of the reasons why photography so Whitesnake because they easy.
And if we are looking to help
protect themselves, then this is what this what's gonna happen. That's why see the adultery, pornography, you know, all of these things, you find Muslim Muslims and these places, these are
these websites in South Africa right now, for adultery.
If you want to cheat on your husband or your wife, they will find you a lot
with why this exists.
These kinds of websites will not you know, just
won't be any good wouldn't be a good business. You know, it's not this website. No.
What is one of the first things you do before you start the business?
It is a market.
Right? And they have found a niche market. And they are doing very, very well.
University of Hartford A few years ago, maybe more. They want to know, what were the main reasons for adulting. But they focused on adults in the workplace. Okay. One of the findings in that study was that when people commit adultery, they don't necessarily committed adultery with someone who is more attractive than their spouse.
So what was the what was the underlying
Think about. If you are engaging your spouse, you're appreciating them, you are telling them how amazing their
husband or wife goes to work.
amazing every day. When you get a promotion, your husband doesn't say anything. But your your work says wow, you know, I know
what the hardest is the company,
with you with your things that happen in birth,
achieve your calling is the one who's celebrating with you, your husband, not your wife. So even though you're calling
your spouse at home, you are being emotionally fulfilled by this person.
Obviously, you know, sexual desire comes in as well as obviously it's dead. But you are finding emotional, emotional fulfillment in someone other than themselves. And that is why it's easy for people to make the decision to commit adultery.
Because they feel, you know, they get a sense of resentment towards their spouse. They feel that their spouse doesn't appreciate it like this person.
The spouse is lifted down has abandoned them. And so
the subject. She was for the radio station.
And I noticed that one of the comics used to spend a lot of time together. And I was like 16
months later, he divorced his wife, and she wanted a husband
the whole time, they were having an affair.
So they decided that they don't love this houses anymore. They love each other. And they want to be
fortunate, unfortunately, because I think that you know the buyers situation because I counseled a lot that I talk to couples all the time. You know, I'm exposed to it more than you might be like, but you
And it's a reality that you need to make a solid commitment now that you are going to be that spouse that will protect value, appreciate your spouse, you will look after them, you will fulfill all of the emotional and sexual needs, you will fulfill all of the of the needs, you will make them feel valued and appreciated, there will not need to do that they can promise yourself, you know, I saw this being funny, I forget the name of the
Christian pastor, but he has this very, very funny workshop, it's called lost your way to a happy marriage
is so funny, it's available on YouTube, I think his name is Bob
or something like that. Okay, it's called Love your way to do something similar. And if you watch this, you know, he tells the couples to stand up,
stand up because they sitting together, you're not sitting together, to stand up and to face each other.
And then obviously, he says I, you know, I committed, I promised that I'm going to do X, Y and Z. And if the wife says it to the husband,
obviously can't do that. Yeah, but you get my point. When you leave, if your spouse is with me today, when you leave before you get in your car, before you leave before you drive home, I want you to talk to each other and say to each other, that I'm going to be the best husband or wife that I can possibly be. And I'm going to commit to fulfilling all of your all of your needs, okay, they say that to each other, make those promises make that commitment, you know, some of you have been married for years, I know some of you some of you
some of your
beautiful, you know, pious
spouses inshallah, tada, and if you do
the contraception is is permissible, okay, what kind of contraception that
couples to decide about
certain things that you need to avoid.
And that, you know, that
I was talking about earlier, he said that, you know,
this is the this
is like eating,
like eating an ice with a soccer game.
against it. But many couples have many good reasons to for practicing, practicing, using one of those, especially since I know I know, some of you some of your students, when you get married, you hear that, you know, you'll get naked or your wife will become pregnant before you finish your studies. You know, it's permissible to use contraception. I know you know, you are
you know, we're gonna be you know, some of you will find your way back to countries when you want to get married now,
So, you can still listen to us, but it should never ever be us what the tension of not having children because I can't afford
contraception when they did
father was the purpose of not having children because you are fully
Okay, if you have another reason like study for physical illness for you know the fact that you are not stable in a particular country and you have to move Okay, it is permissible.
But with the intention that you know, we don't have enough money
in Medina, we will
we will be given a stupid of 842 deals a month. It was 542. So my wife and I have 300 deals a month. Sometimes my mother would send us the other deals. So typically we will go 600 deals a month. So when our son was born,
when our son was born,
I was worried I was going to pay for the hospital bill. So my friend came to me and said one of the shifts in Medina, he will take you. We just show him show him that he sees in the documents of the hospital, how much is going to cost and He will give you the money for so I went to the sheriff, he gave me the $3,000 I went back to the hospital and I think
Obviously, you know, this nappies, diapers, you know, all sorts of things. And my friend came to me one day, and he did
his house and buy my wife's cousin.
And he gave me money as well.
I always tell people,
that my wife and my children have never ever gone to bed.
And that is the case with so many people. I know that when they get married, even though they were worried about a financial situation, it's different
of life in other circumstances, like girl, and feminine, you know, might change. But fundamentally, if you are living in a society where you are surrounded by brothers and sisters, and you're surrounded by your family, there
is no reason why you should be practicing contraception, because you fear not being able to afford children. Okay? Remember this, every child comes with this, with the roof of that baby is blown into its body, that angel that blows the soul into that body writes down what this child will be, but the mother, not the father, not society, but
what is going to be the fallout?
Okay, all we need to do is trust
and work hard and show love. And what is coming their way Huawei is going to
the windy night, the first night of conservation
to be a very special occasion.
People are nervous. One of my, one of my students came to me and he said, the first night, my wife said she wants to perform.
Every time I would go into the room, she'd say to me
and then he would go into the room.
Because, you know, this is something I want to share with you.
Girls and Women of five minutes.
They are made to feel like oh, it's gonna be so painful. And
like, I wish I didn't have to go through them. What do you expect girls do to feel that person? If this is what they have been told by the mothers and the answer because they think
you should be coming to not
cause you need to be fearful and to be
to develop a complex about the goal. And husbands employees need to be to be to be soft and gentle and be patient. If your wife wants to make the week the man
wait to be
more comfortable with one another
with each other physically and sexually before we actually have sexual intercourse.
Why would you be open about something that couples can be open about and husbands should be willing to make that kind of
and wives should shouldn't be afraid to tell their husbands they knew husbands that I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel any
So that when we do finally hatch, even though Yes, it might be painful. For some women it is right. Diamond is a pain in the vaginal cavity that sometimes for many women, because you know
it's a little bit ugly, ugly, ugly.