Taimiyyah Zubair – Taleem al Quran 2012 – P05 064C Tafsir Al-Nisa 127-128

Taimiyyah Zubair
AI: Summary © The Surah legal system has been around for over 30,000 years, with the use of "fit" and the "has" used to describe situations of sexual abuse. The difficulty of ending a marriage due to emotional drain and fear of going back to a former partner is discussed, along with the importance of compromise and acceptance in relationships. The speaker emphasizes the need for women to end their marriage and provide them with the right to speak, even if they may not be the ones who speak.
AI: Transcript ©
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While stuff tuna, caffeine Nissa tea, and they seek a legal verdict from you concerning the women are like, again women, you should be happy.

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At the beginning of the Surah, we learned many commands, many laws concerning women. And the surah is called a Nyssa. The women why, because the surah contains many laws, many rules concerning the matters off women.

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And we know that the Arabs, they had a very unfair allocation of rights between men and women. Men had rights that women were far away from and women, they basically had nothing, such as they received no inheritance. They had no say in regards to their marriage, they received no Maha. And if a woman lost her male guardian, then she was a reason for a man to amass more money. People were not interested in her they were interested in the money that they could get through her.

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So what happened then? Allah subhanaw taala abolished all such practices, we learned about the laws of inheritance where women were given their shares, we learned about the obligation upon the man to give the MaHA to who to the wife, not her father, not her brother, not her uncle, but to her. And if a person if a man does not give them altar, then this is a human Kabira. Likewise, we learned about the general rights of women. No, women were granted their rights. But this was something that was strange for some people. Okay. Just like today, just like these days, in some cultures, if a woman says that I need my mother, even though it's been 20 years, I never gave him my mother, I need my

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mother give it to me. People think that she's being very greedy, correct. Or they think that she should not demand her mother. Because this is what happens at the time of marriage. She's told you will be given your money when whenever I have the money.

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Okay, and that time never comes. So, this was something strange for some people, it was difficult for them to accept and not just difficult. It was also difficult for them to understand they needed further clarification.

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Okay, they needed further clarification. So what happened? Time after time, people would come to the Prophet salallahu Salam asking questions concerning the rights of women. So Allah subhanaw taala revealed this is a waste of Tunica fineness. They ask you legal verdicts concerning the matters of women yesterday to NACA from Stifter from the word fatwah Fattah. Well, what does fatwa mean? What is a fatwa?

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A judgment, a verdict? It's basically a solution to a complicated situation.

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Okay, so for example, a woman goes for Hajj, and she begins her period. So she doesn't know what she's supposed to do. And should she go for a while for sorry, should she go to Mina or not? So she asks a local mufti, what she should do and he gives her a fatwa that this is what you should do. Okay, so it's a solution to a complicated situation. And technically Islamically what is the word fatwa mean? The religious ruling concerning a particular matter. It's the religious ruling.

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Okay. So yes, tough to NACA. The people came to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and they asked him about the particular cases related to women. Allah says called Say, Allah who you've decom Allah gives you fatwa, you ask the messenger, Allah tells you what you should do. What does this show? How important is the matter of women? People are asking Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam and Allah gives the answer. Allah gives the answer kulula U of T config in

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one minute la alaykum and that which is recited upon you fill Kitabi in the book, what does this mean? This means that the answers have already been given to you in the book, in that which has been recited to you off the book, and isn't it so all of the difficult matters that were explained earlier in great detail, the beginning of slow to Nyssa right. From that point onward so many details are mentioned concerning the matters of women. So a minute lol akenfield kitab this has already been mentioned.

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Concerning who FIA Tammen Nyssa II concerning the orphan girls. Now, if you look in this ayah the fatwa itself is not given the answer itself is not given nor is the question mentioned. It's been generalized. They ask you many questions. And what does Allah say? Allah has already told you. Allah has already told

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Do concerning the orphan girls concerning the women, he has already revealed the loss earlier. So why is Allah subhanaw taala saying this? Why that refer back to what has already been mentioned? And this is a mistake that we commonly make, that there's something already mentioned in the book and in the Sunnah. But what do we do? We still go and ask.

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Right? Like, for example, we know that interest is haram, isn't it? Is there any doubt about that? Is there any doubt about interest being haram? Is there not at all? But still, don't we see people asking

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that in this situation, is there an exception? In this situation, May I May we, but if What if doesn't happen? So same thing was happening at that time, people were bringing in questions concerning women. Allah says we've already told you stop bothering the messenger we've already told you Allah who you've decom fee hidden or may you thoroughly confused Kitabi but again, Allah subhanaw taala mentions them. Okay. The main main rulings, why to emphasize their importance. So the first case that Allah subhanaw taala highlights over here concerning the women is yet Amma Nyssa utama por la off your team utama Nyssa are who orphan girls? Okay, orphan girls. And which orphan

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girls allottee those who love to know who now by the way, a lot is a plural of a lovey allottee good everybody say allottee

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allottee allottee. Louder.

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Louder. Louder. Louder. Good.

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So Theatreland Nyssa Allah de those orphan girls who love to do now who know whom you do not give Makati Bella Hoonah, what has been prescribed for them? What does it refer to? That? You marry them? orphan girls, and then you don't give them the money that they deserve? Right because at the time of marriage, a woman should be given her MA

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What are her Bona and you like thurgoona is from Robert rollin by inclination you are inclined to and thank you who who know that you marry them. So you want to marry them. But just because they don't have their father. You don't give them a hug. So the ruling was given concerning these women earlier. What was the ruling? Were in Clifton Allah toxic Ophelia time, then what should you do? phunki Who? Mouths LaBella Camila Nisa, then go marry some other women. Don't marry that orphan girl instead marry someone else. 1234. Okay, how many ever? Maximum four. But what's the condition that you have to give them their right what they deserve. So Allah has already told you concerning such

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women that don't marry them. Don't be unfair with them. If you want to marry them, you have to be fair with them. And if you know that you won't be able to be just with them, then don't marry them instead marry somebody else. While most of our Fina. The second case that Allah highlights over here is all those who are oppressed middle will then from the children who still are fina from God are in for a weakness. So most of them are feeling those were made weak, those who are oppressed, middle will then will then chlorella, wallet, child will then children.

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So Allah has already told you concerning the oppressed children, who are the oppressed children,

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who are children who are easily oppressed, those who are orphans, okay, those who are orphans, so Allah has already told you concerning them, that you have to be fair with them, what actually uttama and why Allah home give them their properties. Okay. The rulings have been mentioned already concerning the oppressed children. And in particular, the oppressed children over here refer to the children of the widows,

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the children off the widows, because the thing is that if a woman lost her husband,

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okay, and she had her children, okay. Now somebody would want to marry her.

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If she gets married, who do you think is going to be ignored and left out and not be taken care of the children? Right? The husband, the new husband, he doesn't want to take the responsibility of his wife, children, because they're not his, he doesn't have any interest in them. So who suffers? Those children suffer. So Allah tells you not to do that do not make these children suffer, give them what they deserve. And also the third case that Allah highlights over here

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is we're under como de Atacama bilkis and that you maintain for the orphans, their rights, injustice, all of the rights of the orphans maintain them with justice which rights whether it is with regard to their property, their inheritance, okay? The security of their property, the growth of their property, the fine that you charge for looking after the orphans property all of these matters were mentioned in great detail earlier but what's the main thing that Allah taught us that be just be just with regards to the orphans? will matter for our lumen? Hayden for in Allah, Canada, here at EMA and whatever you do have any good than indeed Allah is of it all knowing?

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Now what do we see over here? That any good deed a person does? Allah knows about it? Whether it is a good deed done with the body, with the tongue, with one's pen, okay, with one's fingers? Anything in it, Roberta, in what am Allah in dealing with people by giving rights? Whatever good a person does, then who knows about it? Allah knows about it. Why is the I concluded with this? Why is the I concluded with this? Because who's asking about the rights of other people? Those who feel the burden of giving people their rights, so they want to know the bare minimum rights, okay, what is my duty towards them? What am I supposed to do?

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So Allah subhanaw taala wants us to focus on giving other people their rights and not just be concerned about our own rights only. We shouldn't be selfish, concerned about our own rights, but also be concerned about other people's rights.

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When we think about women, right? Always there is a discussion about women's rights, women's rights, you know, this is the right that Allah has given to women. This is what the Quran gives to the women. This is women's rights and so on and so forth such a war.

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Right that people fight all the time, our rights, our rights, our rights. Allah says well, Mata for illumine Hidin you do any good, Allah knows about it. Don't be selfishly concerned about your rights only also be worried about your obligations.

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Were any more atone and if there is a woman, Halford who fears from both and how will we it gives meaning of the worker of expectation. So she expects in the future she sees the signs she's afraid that this will happen what mean barely half from her husband, the word ball bearing lamb is used for the husband, the word xojo can be used for husband and wives Zoda but Bile is only for who? The husband Okay, so if a woman fears from her husband, new shoes and ill treatment, contempt, or erleben

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ivision disinterest, what is new shoes? We learned this word earlier. Now Shaza is to rise. Okay? So new shoes is when rises above the other tries to be the dominant one tries to oppress the other. How? By treating them ill by being harsh with them. Right, by not giving them their rights by having an I don't care attitude, by saying whatever to anything that is mentioned. Okay, shrugging the shoulders. This is what new shoes is when a person doesn't care about the other and he is rising above them.

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So if a woman fears new shoes from her husband, what is in the shoes of the husband towards his wife?

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What is it? What comes to your mind?

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Okay, abuse. Michels is basically ill treatment of the wife what is ill treatment of the wife that first of all, he doesn't give her her rights, which rights, whether it is off expenditure, money, fulfilling the basic needs, buying groceries, buying clothes, no fixing the dishwasher, or whatever. You know what I'm talking about. And whenever the woman mentioned something that by the way, this bill is due by the way, I really need a phone. By the way, I really need to go to this doctor's appointment. By the way, I don't have a winter jacket this year. He's like, why are you always demanding things from me? I'm not gonna give you anything. And then instead of fulfilling her needs,

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he is rude towards her. Doesn't give her a penny and then scold her and yells at her, you Milliyet her, insults her. Okay. And then also her other rights, like, for example, physical rights. He doesn't sleep with her. He doesn't show any love to her. He doesn't treat her like a wife.

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doesn't show any kind of compassion, nothing at all. So this isn't the shoes of the husband, towards the wife.

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So if a woman sees this in her husband, oh, it all been errorlog, a version error and all this to turn away that he turns away from her. What does it mean? He has no interest in her anymore? doesn't ask her how are you doing?

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Doesn't praise her appreciate her, takes everything for granted, and has no interest in her doesn't speak to her all day. Doesn't see her for two days is a way to for two months, no interest. Does it happen? Tell me Does it happen? Do you know of any couple who is going through problems? Yeah. Does everyone know a couple who is going through such problems that the husband is not interested in the wife? Or he ignores her? He doesn't give her her rights. He treats her harshly. Do you know of any couple like this? We all do. It happens. This is a reality. I'm not saying it's right. But this is a reality.

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So if this happens in a marriage,

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then what should be done?

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The woman should just end the marriage, she should say You know what? I quit?

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I don't care about you. Go your own way. I'm free. This is what she should do walk out of that marriage. Why should she stand that men?

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Why should she? Okay? She walked out of that marriage, and then what will happen? Her children, they need the dad. And then she says to them that look, your dad never loved you. Your dad never cared about you. This is how he treated me. But the children always want to know who was our dad.

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Right? They want to know.

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Or later on after the divorce, the woman says you know what I don't have last year didn't have a winter jacket this year, I don't have a place to stay.

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I'm going from shelter to shelter. I'm waiting for the government support. I'm waiting for the money that the government can give me with which I can buy basic groceries for myself and for the children. And then custody wars and so on and so forth. One problem after the other.

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She doesn't have any money, she doesn't have any residence. And then she says, At least I had a home to live in before.

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Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? So the thing is that when there is no shoes on the part of the wife,

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we learned about this earlier, what was the man told to take certain steps in order to save the marriage? And what were the steps that the husband was taught to discipline the wife. She is rebelling, she's being rude. She's being harsh, she's being disobedient? Discipline her how talk to her. Ignore her a little if it still doesn't work, be a little harsh with her discipline her physical and we discussed what that means, right? Why in order to save the marriage, you know how much it hurts a man's ego. If his wife insults him,

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you know how much it hurts.

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It can kill it. He can feel like nothing if his wife insults him. But still What is he told to discipline her in order to save the marriage? Now, on the part of the woman, if the husband is not doing his job, what is she told, take certain steps in order to save the marriage. Why? Because the easy way out is to what end the relationship ending the relationship is very easy. All that has to be done is you go to court, you get the divorce papers filed and Hollis done.

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Or the man says pull up done finished. It's very easy to end the relationship.

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But the consequences are not easy at all. How? First of all, it's emotionally very draining. For the man and a woman to go through a divorce. Ask anybody who's gone through divorce. It's not pretty.

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It's not pretty. It's not nice at all. Then, if they have children, the children suffer a lot. Isn't it? So? If they have shared property over that there's so much confusion, right? In the case of a woman if she gets divorced, then there's always that fear. Will she ever get married again?

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amongst Muslims for a man it's easy to get married, but for a girl who is in her mid 30s Okay, or who is divorced or who has even one child for her to get married again? how possible is it? Tell me? How possible is it these days? It's not possible. It's very very difficult. No matter how open minded we become no matter how advanced we become. If we find out about a girl who is divorced lalala no way

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We didn't know what kind of a girl she was, right? And Muslim men, they always had this issue as well. Oh, she's not a virgin. Right? So because of that getting married, again is a bigger problem.

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So divorce is easy, but the consequences are not easy. This is why it's a weak nourish and but it is said that Avila dual halali il Allahu Allah the most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce. It's a weak notion. But the lesson here is that although divorce is permissible, but it's not something that is like that much. Okay. So, like I said, divorce is easy consequences are not. This is why, instead of ending the relationship, both the partners have to strive in order to maintain the relationship,

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not for the husband, he has to discipline for the wife, can she discipline her husband? The husband is doing the shoot. So she says, Why are you talking to me like that?

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Be a man. Be respectful, show respect to me. Treat me nicely treat me properly. I'm not going to talk to you. If you behave with me like this. Is it going to work? Is it going to work? Tell me it's not going to work, is the husband is showing the shoes. And the wife is also showing the shoes in return? What's going to happen? Just one day and the marriage will finish. Okay, so the wife has been taught a different strategy in order to save her marriage. And what is that?

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Compromise? You're like, what? This is unfair? Why should you be a pushover? Why should you just accept what's going on?

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This is something that not only Allah subhanaw taala has taught us. But people have realized this today, non Muslims, even people who don't believe in the Quran and Sunnah. But people who have healthy marriages, successful relationships, this is what they have learned. That if you want your relationship to last, you have to compromise. You have to give up some of your rights. You have to give space to the other partner. Why? So that they can get themselves back together. And they can realize the importance of this relationship, and they can accept you once again.

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That women there's a study that proves that women are easily able to adapt to new situations. So if the husband all of a sudden becomes disinterested in her, then she should adapt to that situation. compromise for some time and hopefully inshallah things will get better. This is why Allah says, Fela Juna, highly human, there is no sin upon them to determine in the wife, I usually have been homeschooled her, that they make terms of settlement between themselves. What is this terms of settlement, that the wife says, Okay, fine. You know what? We are married still? Okay. You don't spend money on me.

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You don't give me any money every month. But still we are married. It's okay. I accept it. Why in order to let the marriage survive, because technically, it's not allowed for a man to not spend on his wife. It's his obligation to spend on her, isn't it? So when he's not spending on her, he is being sinful, unless the woman agrees. Unless the woman agrees, she says it's okay. So if the woman agrees to this as a man still sinful, then no. Why would a woman agreed to this because she wants to save the marriage, I usually have by now homeschool her. Likewise, the woman says, fine. You don't want to tell me how much you're making. You don't want to tell me about your business. You don't

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want to tell me that you have married another woman? Whatever you've done, it's okay. But let me be your wife still. Let me stay here. I accept the way you have changed the things of our family, gender, family dynamics, but I want to be your wife. I want to be with my kids in this house. And even though we don't see you for weeks, but we know that you are still around.

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Now, if a man would do this, without the consent of the woman, is it sin on his part? Very much so. Very much so. But if the woman is agreeing to it just to save the marriage, it's a temporary thing that they're doing. She is agreed to do to save the marriage. Then Is that better? Yes. Allah says was so high. This compromise the settlement is always best. Why? Because sooner or later in sha Allah, things will improve. Things will improve. But obviously,

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people will not do it. Many people won't do it. The woman will say no, this is unfair. Why should I agree? If he doesn't want to spend on me or

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I want to Why should I be tied to him? I should be free as well. If he's gone off made someone else I don't want him anymore. I want a divorce. I'm gonna go marry somebody else. He doesn't want me I don't want him.

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Allah says what little emphasis show and present in human souls is stinginess are laid out from how little How good is to be present. So in the human soul what is present what is ever present a show? What is your sheen? Haha, sure is greed and stinginess that a person wants and doesn't want to give.

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He wants his rights doesn't want to give anything. So basically, don't want any kind of compromise or enforce a show. The woman will think like this that no my right my right I don't want him. I don't care about him. Allah says what interests you know what a taco, but if you do your son, if a woman is agreeing to this compromise, this is their son on her part, what that taco you fear Allah for in the Lucha canovee mathema Luna havurah, then indeed Allah is Ever with whatever you do all aware, he is aware of what you do. So if you're sacrificing your suffering, Allah knows and he will reward you. Because remember, Allah does not waste the reward of those who are patient of those who

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listen to if you're suffering in your marriage, but for the greater good. You accept it, then Allah will reward you abundantly, always tell yourself, this is temporary life will end. Now, like I mentioned to you earlier, that this is something that not only Allah subhanaw taala tells us, but people who have successful relationships, even they have realized there was an essay that originally appeared in The New York Times in which this woman has written about her situation. I'm going to read this out to you. Okay, I know it's a little long, but I want you to pay attention. It's something that will really clarify this IoT.

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And obviously, there are going to be things that we don't do we don't believe in but please have a bit of tolerance. Okay.

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She says, let's say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You're still friends and lovers, after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s gazing into each other's eyes in candlelit city bistros, when you were single and skinny, half for the most part come true. Two decades later, you had the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You're the parents you said you would be full of love and guidance. You've done it all. Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico City Living stargazing. Sure you have your marital issues. But on the whole you feel so self satisfied about how things have worked

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out that you would never in your wildest nightmares. Think you would hear these words from your husband? One fine summer day. I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. I'm moving out. The kids will understand. They want me to be happy.

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But wait, this isn't the divorce story you think it is? Neither is it a begging him to stay story. It's a story about hearing your husband say I don't love you anymore, and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result. Here's a visual child throws a temper tantrum, tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn't hit back lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks and then she tries to go about her business. As if the tantrum isn't happening. She doesn't reward the tantrum. She simply doesn't take the tantrum personally, because, after all, it's not about her. Let me be clear, I'm not saying My husband was throwing a child's tantrum. No, he was in the grip of something else,

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a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood, but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal tragic story is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way. I had responded to my children's tantrums, and I kept responding to it that way, for four months. I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch. Yet somehow in that moment, I was able to duck and once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, I don't buy it. Because I didn't. He drew back in surprise. Apparently he'd expected me to burst into tears to rage at him to threaten him

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with a custody battle or beg him to change his mind. So he turned me I don't like what you've become. gut wrenching pause.

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How could he say such a thing? That's when I really wanted to fight to rage to cry. But I didn't. Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me. And I repeated those words, I don't buy it. You see, I'd recently committed to a non negotiable understanding with myself, I'd committed to the end of suffering, I'd finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me, my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I'd seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean, all of it. My husband hadn't yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many

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years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along, but his new endeavor hadn't been going so well. And his ability to be the breadwinner, was in rapid decline. He'd been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally, and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage to be done with our family, but I was not buying it. I said, it's not age appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents happiness. Not unless you want to create codependence, who spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can

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we do to give you the distance you need without hurting the family? Hmm, he said, go trekking in Nepal, build a yard in the back meadow, turn the garage studio into a man cave, get that drum set. You've always wanted anything but hurting the children and me with the reckless move like the one you're talking about. Then I repeated my line. What can we do to give you the distance you need without hurting the family? Hmm. How can we have a responsible distance? I don't want distance. He said I want to move out. My mind raced was it another woman? Drugs some secrets. But I stopped myself, I would not suffer. Instead, I went to my desk and Googled, responsible separation and came

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up with a list. It included things like who's allowed to use what credit cards who are the children allowed to see you with in town, who was allowed keys to what I looked through the list and passed it on to him. His response. Keys. We don't even have keys to our house. I remain stoic. I could see pain in his eyes being recognized. Oh, I see what you're doing. He said, You're going to make me go into therapy. You're not going to let me move out. You're going to use the kids against me. I never said that. I just asked what can we do to give you the distance you need? Stop saying that? Well, he didn't move out. Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual

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six o'clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July. The parade, the barbecue the fireworks to go to someone else's party. When he was at home. He was distant. He wouldn't look me in the eye. He didn't even wish me happy birthday. But I didn't play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids daddy's having a hard time as adults often do. But we're a family no matter what. I was not going to suffer and neither were they. My trusted friends were eroded on my behalf. How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out, get a lawyer. I walked my line with them to this man was hurting. Yet his problem was not mine to solve. In fact, I needed to

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get out of his way so he could solve it. I know what you're thinking. I'm a pushover. I'm weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I'm probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you I'm not. I load 1500 pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin and use natural childbirth and Assyrian section without follow up drugs. I am handy with a chainsaw. I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband's problem. He was if he could turn his problem into a marital fight. He could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so

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that wouldn't happen. Probably

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overtly, I decided to give him time, six months. I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road, I ignored his lashing out his merciless jabs. on bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers raging at him in my mind, but I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say, don't take it personally. When your husband tells you, he no longer loves you. Sometimes that's exactly what you have to do. Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it or not, it was up to him. If he chose not to come along,

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we would miss him. But we would be just fine. Thank you very much. And we were and yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay to love me to fight for what we've created. You can bet I wanted to, but I didn't. I barbecued made lemonade, set the table for for and loved him from far. And one day, there he was home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn't mow his lawn if he's going to leave it, not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years, he made a comment about our front porch needing paint our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter, the future. Little by little he started talking about the future. It was

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Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, I'm thankful for my family. And he was back. And I saw what had been missing pride. He'd lost pride in himself. Maybe that's what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife, and we realize we're not as young and golden anymore. When life's knocked us around, and our childhood mates reveal themselves to be just that the truth feels like the biggest sucker punch of them all. It's not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships can enhance our happiness. Yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

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My husband had become lost in the myth, but he found his way out. We've since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal to help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck, who believe their temporary feelings are permanent, who see an easy out and think they can escape. My husband tried to strike a deal, blame me for his pain, unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me. But I ducked and I waited, and it worked.

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So what do we learn here?

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Patience, compromise. Know that temporary feelings are not permanent. It's a phase, it will be over. So be patient, do some soul compromise.

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And Allah will reward you for your patience for your sacrifice. And on the other hand, if a woman becomes demanding, she starts arguing, she starts accusing, giving ultimatums, then will that save the marriage? No, it will break the marriage.

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Like it was mentioned that some people want to escape, they want to take the easy way out. But that's not the solution.

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The solution is not divorce. The solution is fixing the relationship, maintaining the relationship and for that you have to compromise and I know many of you are not married over here. But I want you to learn this lesson. A very, very important lesson for marriage. You have to compromise. Marriage is not a breeze. Marriage is not perfect. The husband will make mistakes, he will fall short. He will

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and don't give yourself the option of leaving, quitting escaping because it's not going to solve the problem. Yes, there are extreme cases where you have to get out of the situation where divorce is the better option. But you cannot get there until you have tried. So

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you have to try soul first. You have to try compromise first.

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And believe in the words of Allah while soul who hate soul

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It is always better but obviously the nafs will stop with little emphasis sure the soul is full of greed and stinginess but do it for Allah and Allah will reward you

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