Charity Begins At Home

Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah. While early he was so happy woman wala Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

What a beautiful crowd and what a beautiful day may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless this gathering and this conference and everyone who facilitated this conference say I mean,

I want to begin with the framework of one Hadith and end with the same narration in Sharma.

A tutor media recorded that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,

the best amongst you are those who are best to their families. Again, the best amongst you are those who are best to their families. Again, the best amongst you are those who are best to their families.

The title of today's talk that's assigned for us is that Charity begins at home. This is a prover from the 17th century.

And there's a funny incidents from several years back a brother mentioned, in which they were discussing giving charity and collecting funds for a cause somewhere else around the world. And someone said in that gathering, he said, Why are we helping people so far away when we have problems over here that require our funds in our charity. And then he said, This proverb, Charity begins at home. His misunderstanding was that Charity begins at home implies, first of all, that it's a literal charity. And second of all, that it ends at home, and is exclusive to the home.

But in Islam, we have a different paradigm, we have a different approach. We can understand this concept of charity, meaning your kindness, your character, your love, your compassion, your forgiveness, the fulfillment of Rites begins at home, in addition to what's happening outside of the home. So it's not at the expense of the external state. We look at the life of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to understand this proverb and to understand what is required of us as believers. And the first thing that we take from this is that the reality of life in general, does not depend on perceptions and reputations. What does this mean? Many of us here today, we know this

for a fact. In the community, perhaps there are people maybe from amongst us, whose reputations are what's the reputations are that this sister, this brother, mashallah they come to the masjid, they're smiling, they have good character, they treat us well. It's easy to treat strangers Well, it really is. It's easy to smile, it's others in the community, I hope it's easy.

But we know that behind closed doors, there are many people who are mistreating those who have a right upon them, a sacred right in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. And of course, these are things that remain behind closed doors. And every one of us knows that the most difficult of relationships are those that are closest to you why we have more interactions, less space and less privacy. So generally there will be more conflict, we are a test for one another.

But if we are showing the communities outside of the home, that we are upstanding, upright character, in all of our interactions, and behind closed doors, we are violating the rights of our spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings, our relatives, than we are misunderstanding an important facet of Islam. For the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his character behind closed doors was like his character outside with the community. He was merciful. He was compassionate. He gave quality time he expressed his love and appreciation for the people in his life. And often times we overlook the importance of this.

Usually in lectures related to this topic, I'll ask everyone in the audience to text a loved one. I love you, or I appreciate you. And every time we hear some responses, oftentimes the response is I love you, too. I appreciate you, too. Thank you for the message. But generally speaking, there's always that surprising, shocked response. So my husband says to his wife in a message in a lecture like this, I love you. And then his wife responded that the she'll tell you to write that.

In another instance, a daughter sends her mother a message. I love you, Mom, thank you very much for everything that you do.

She said Don't forget to buy eggs and milk on the way home.

And the third, and really the most shocking.

One of the spouses sent a message and said, I love you. And the response was why

they had not been accustomed to hearing I love you. And so to say I love you became confusing, something is going on, what do you want for me? What's going on.

And this should be a normal thing in our lives, to express appreciation and love for the people in our lives, those who are closest to us, those who have a right upon us. And this is a true reflection of who we are.

One of the community members in Michigan, he said, I taught my children using this proverb, Charity begins at home, I taught my family and my children three lessons based on this. The first is do not give an expect in return. Now we know as Muslims that in general, we love to gift and we love to reciprocate. But when you are taking care of your family, when you are treating your spouse, your children, your parents, your siblings, with what Allah asked you to do, you're doing so for the sake of Allah subhana wa Tada. So if they are not fulfilling that, right, you are still fulfilling and unconditional, right? You're not expecting them to reciprocate. Having said that, we all know no

doubt whatsoever that every relationship has its give and its take. And if you're always giving, if you're always giving, and the other person is always taking and they're not giving, you're going to find some hostility in the relationship, some tension, something that is missing. And so we're always giving as much as we're taking an even more. The second lesson, he said, When you give, do not be inconsistent with your spouse, with your children, with your friends with your relatives, our character, our compassion, our kindness should not be inconsistent, coming and going randomly. So that's when we are coming to them. They're wondering what's going on, you're in a good mood today,

what's going on? Now, we should always be in a state of compassion, a state of respect. And of course, we have our downtimes no doubt, but we should not make it a matter of inconsistency. And number three, he said, I taught my family not to focus on only grand gestures. So not to wait for something big. And then to say, I love you. And this is the occasion and I'm done. And they're asking you all year round father and mother, spouse, husband, wife, how come you don't love me with your actions? And this person will say but don't you remember when I did this major thing on this major dates? Don't you remember the grand gesture and the reminding them again and again and again

of what they've done for them. Don't focus on grand gestures. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. May Allah subhana wa Tada make us from amongst them say I mean,

our oma in its entirety depends on what it depends on communities all around the world. And every community like this one here today is established upon and it is built upon the structure of the family units. So when there is a problem in the relationship of the family and the family is breaking down, will notice the impact on that community. And if that break of this building is broken down what happens to the structure of the OMA. When we build our relationships inside the home, and you invest quality, time, and appreciation and gratitude and energy and emotion, with your family with your loved ones behind closed doors, then naturally speaking, what happens outside of

the outside of the home will be even better. In other words, it is easy to have the outside character. But if we want to take our Ummah to the next level, we must, we must, we must be amongst those who are mentioned in this hadith, the best amongst you are those who are best to their families. May Allah subhanaw taala make us from amongst them. Today there is an increase and every one will observe. There's an increase, especially in the United States when it comes to social justice and activism. And this is not a bad thing. So long as it's done properly. There's an increase in the number of people being motivated to give in charity, not necessarily a literal

charity, but to advocate for causes outside of the home. There are many people who will join many protests in the community. And that's a great thing Al Hamdulillah

but we're living in a time and in a society in which the family structure and the family unit is endangered. Individualism is increasing the family unit is breaking down. What happens when society

emphasizes so much this charity, this advocacy outside of the home, at the expense of what's happening inside the home. And so yes, we want to advocate for causes. We want to be active and engaged, no doubt whatsoever. Don't misunderstand me. But we cannot forget the structure that we're supposed to advocate for, for inside the home itself. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. When we think of how we deal with our siblings, our spouses, our children, our parents, I want you to remember the following concept

that your treatment of other human beings especially those who are in your home, your treatment of other human beings is an extension of what you want and how you want to be treated by Allah subhanahu wa taala what do we mean by this? Do unto others what you wish for Allah to do to you? I'll give you some examples. These are all from the authentic sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam number one, be merciful to those who are on the earth and Allah will be merciful to you, in your home and outside of your home. Be merciful to those in your home and outside of the home. And Allah will be merciful to you. Number two, spend and charity on those in your home and

outside of the home and Allah was spend on you, and filthy Ebina Adam on chronic number three, conceal the faults of those in your home and those outside of the home and Allah will conceal your faults and your shortcomings. Number four, alleviate the hardships of other people in your home and outside of the home and Allah will alleviate your hardships. Number five, be in the service of others and Allah will be in your service whether they are in your home or outside of your home. Will Allahu Thea only loved McConnell have do you have any early number six? Pardon and forgive especially those who you are living with? Especially your loved ones behind closed doors? Pardon and

forgive why because you want to Allah to forgive you while your food while your spouse Oh ALLAH to her gonna yell fit Hola. Hola. Come, let them pardon and forgive. Do you not wish for Allah to forgive you? It's a rhetorical question asked by Allah subhanahu wa Tada. Number seven. thanking his creation is a way of thanking Allah subhanho wa Taala and increasing our connection with him. All of these are minor examples. But they are very commonly found in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam, my brothers and sisters, our lives are very short. And we know this. And every day we're praying Janessa upon many of our brothers and sisters, we don't want to be amongst those whom

in our communities at the janazah are crying because they cut off their father, their mother, their sibling, their relative, their spouse, their children, they cut them off over a petty matter. And then when death came along, they realized it really was superficial.

About six years ago, in Edmonton, Canada, we were giving a series of lectures on the topic of social responsibility. And one of the topics that we had that night at Salatin mothering was about the importance of the rights of children and the rights of parents both.

And after Salatin leveled at those who would pray in the masjid. Often times, they would be coming to pray and to leave. But because they heard the lecture, they remained.

So someone came up after the lecture, and he was visibly crying, and he wanted to talk. And he knows this is being shared today. He said, I cut my father off six years ago, I cut my parents off six years ago. And they don't know anything about me or my children. I've completely blocked them. They've tried multiple times. They've tried to reach out to others. They tried to have mediators. But I became so arrogant, I cut them off. And I justified it. And I justified it. And I justified it and time passed by. And now six years have passed by six years. He said I cannot regain those six years. I cannot recover those six years. They said Will Allah ever forgive me? Will Allah forgive

me? And of course that night, he reached out to his parents and of course Alhamdulillah they were very receptive and open to reestablishing a connection. But why is it that we even consider or allow the potential for a relationship so sacred, so important to fall apart with something petty? May Allah subhanaw taala preserve our relationship say I mean,

the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best amongst you are those who are best to their families. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. What are some practical things we can take from this number?

Want to preserve our relationships behind closed doors, and to repair our relationships behind closed doors, we need to have a sincere intention, we need to move aside our egos. Because if you want to repair any relationship, that ego will be the greatest obstacle, that self that neffs will be the greatest obstacle. If you want to repair a relationship behind closed doors, we must have a genuine, a genuine sincere intention built upon conviction that this relationship will be repaired in sha Allah. And don't wait for the other person. Don't wait for your wife, your husband to reach out first. Don't wait for your son, your daughter to apologize. First, don't wait for your mother or

your father to reach out first. If you want to repair a relationship that you know Allah will ask you about, then you reach out first because you've done your parts. Number two,

spend quality time with family. We're living in an era in which our devices, our phones, our technology, it's so oft used and commonly found in setting social settings that you might see at times your own family sitting in a gathering. And maybe for perhaps for a moment, it becomes silence because everyone's looking at their phone, maybe for a moment to become silence because everyone is distracted with something else. And at times people start to struggle with their socializing. At times people sit down and say I don't know what you say anymore. But people didn't have these problems for 1000s of years. Spend quality time with your spouse, with your parents, with your

children, with your relatives with your friends. There is nothing like quality time, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was an example of that. And number three, don't allow anything or anyone to get in between you and the family unit. That family is your building block. That building block is one of the blocks of the structure of the OMA, you have a responsibility whether you're a husband or a wife or a parent or single or your child, every one of us has a role to play with the structure of our Ummah and if we want our Ummah to thrive, we cannot keep looking to other people and blaming other people and not taking responsibility ourselves. Don't allow anyone or anything to get in

between you and your family. You are one team may Allah subhana wa Tada preserve us and our families. Remember remember remember the words of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the best amongst you are those who are best to their families I want you I want you to say it's the best amongst you are those who are best to their families the best amongst you are those who are best to their May Allah Subhan Allah Tada make you and I amongst those who are best to our families. May Allah subhana wa Tada preserve our relationships and repair our relationships. May Allah subhanho wa Taala as he gathered us here, Allah was to enter Jana in the gates of Jana smiling and holding the

hands over families and as we are gathered here today, may Allah subhanho wa Taala allow all of us with our families and our loved ones and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam to be reunited in the highest levels of Jana was Holly Allahu Allah Allah Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh