Muslim Mental Health Course – Is Setting Boundaries Easier For Men Than For Women

Sarah Sultan


Channel: Sarah Sultan

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Do you think that it's easier for men to set boundaries than for women? is very, very good question. And yes, I do think it's a lot easier for men. Because because the way that women are typically

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raised and with like the certain there are certain expectations of women versus men that make it a lot harder for women to say no, right? There's, you know, for a man to be assertive, he's viewed as assertive. For a woman to be assertive, she's viewed as aggressive, right? And so there are certain connotations that make it a little bit harder for women to to say no, or to set boundaries, because women are supposed to be sweeter and nicer. And boundaries have typically been viewed as a way of not being nice or kind, or go with the flow flexible and things like that. But in reality, if we can set and I think this is, this is a downfall in terms of, number one, the way that we're socialized

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where, you know, the idea that we can't say no to, to certain things, right? Because then we end up burning out, right? So as women, right, everybody who's who's in here, except for you, brother,

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is a woman. And, you know, you probably realize how much is on your shoulders in terms of taking care of your family, taking care of the kids and everything. But then you still volunteered your time to be here for an entire day, right? To come to recording, which is wonderful. Mashallah. But I also wonder, was it hard to say no, right? Was it hard to think, Wow, well, how am I going to get everything I need to get done for my family in order to be able to be there? Right. And that's something we need to learn, like, we need to learn how to say so. Actually, something that I should have really mentioned in the in the talk is there's a rule that I follow that I found very helpful,

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which is the idea that every Yes, is also a no. Every time I say yes to something, I'm saying no to something else, right? Saying yes to being here. Today. I'm saying no to being with my family today. Right. But is that yes, a worthwhile? Yes, for me to do something for, you know, to record a course like this that I'm very passionate about today? That was a yes, that was worth saying. Right. But if I was saying no, to something that was very significant, knowing what you are saying no, to helps you to say no more often, right? So if I say no to, you know, doing a talk here or going, you know, going to out with a friend, because, you know, I know that I need to say yes to something else, that

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no becomes easier, because I realized that I'm saying yes to something else. Right. And so I think that's a really important way to frame it is, it's not necessarily that I'm saying no to doing this, it means that I'm saying yes to doing something that's even more important. For me, that's an even more important priority for me. But as women, we very much are socialized to put ourselves on the bottom of the totem pole, which is why the idea of self care is something that's so much more that's talked about so much more now. Because otherwise you you burn out and it builds resentment, and it's just really negative. And so learning how to set those boundaries is really important. Thank you

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bring up a really good point where you were talking about how in your culture that if you lock your door of your home, especially family lives nearby, it's considered rude that they have somewhat ownership of being able to go into your home at any time. And you know, based on like the ad, right, that we were talking about, we're always trying to elicit pancetta says, Ask Before entering right, it teaches us that a lot of times our culture's teach us to forego certain boundaries that Islam teaches us to maintain. Because this is needed for physical privacy. And then for psychological, like for having that space, of knowing that your home is your sanctuary, right? And so, but you're

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right, that a lot of times we are taught that we kind of have to accommodate and fulfill everybody else's needs, before our own. And that can be really damaging. And that can also be very damaging in terms of our relationship with electronic data, as well. Where, you know, if if, you know, we are so busy accommodating everybody else, where do we have time to connect with Allah? Do we even have time to pray our prayers on time? Right? And so prioritizing what is the core of who I am, the core of who I am, is that I am a servant of Allah, and anything that takes me away from that, that I can't prioritize that I have to prioritize this. Right and so, but really, really good question Mashallah.