Suffering in Silence

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Saad Tasleem

Channel: Saad Tasleem

Episode Notes

Lecture from Ilmfest Charlotte 2018

Episode Transcript

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I want you to imagine for a moment that there is a man, or let's say, there's a Muslim man who somehow finds himself stranded on an island. And he's been there for days. And he's just on the brink of starvation. He's just on the brink of dying from hunger and thirst. And he begins to make. And he calls out to Allah who's panela to Allah. And he says, My Lord helped me. He says, My Lord saved me from this calamity. He says, oh, Allah, take me out of the difficulty that I am in, oh, Allah help me. And he continues to make this throughout. And as he is making this there are lo and behold,

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a boat comes by. And as the boat comes,

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they begin to see that there may be someone on the island here, there may be someone who is on the beach. And they say, well, this island is not supposed to have life. There's not there's not supposed to be human beings living on this island. So they get concerned and say, and so they they dock the boat. And they call out to Him and they say, Are you stranded? Do you need to go home? Do you need? Do you need help? And he replies and he says, No, I'm okay. I'm good. I made do our to Allah subhana wa, Tada. And Allah will come save me. I don't need you. I don't need your help.

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Now, if you were on that boat,

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what would you say to this person?

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I think most of us will be like, Dude, are you okay?

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It's so obvious, we'd be probably yelling and screaming, you know, imagine trying to plead with this guy and try to tell him, Look, just come on, let's go like we got you. And he's like, No, no, no, Allah is going to save me. Because I made to Allah, all I need to do is be patient. And I know that Allah Subhana, Allah will reward me for my patience. And this has been a very difficult time for me. But I know that I have rewarded a lot in this difficult time. What do we say to him, we'd probably get really frustrated. And we would tell him, this is the answer to your job. Allah whose penalty Allah has sent us, because possibly because of your job. And that would be obvious to many of us.

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However, sometimes, we find another scenario that happens every now and then. And that is that a sister who is maybe being abused in her house, maybe is a victim of domestic violence.

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She's been suffering in her household. And she goes, and she asks for help, maybe from a family member. And by the way, oftentimes, when we talk about domestic abuse and the response to domestic abuse, often that people single out the Imam and say, why didn't the mom help her. But I assure you that in most cases, she has gone to many people, before she went to the Imam before she went to someone else. And oftentimes, those are her close friends and her family members, and perhaps her parents as well. So maybe she goes to her parents, she goes to some loved ones, and she tells them that my husband has been abusing me that my husband is abusing the children.

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And they reply to her, be patient. They tell her, Allah will reward you for the difficulty that you're going through. Allah will save you just make dua. Why is it that in the first scenario, it is clear to us that that is an incorrect understanding of patience.

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Yet in the second scenario, we have no problem telling this woman to be patient to make to pray more. And oftentimes, we'll say things to her like, you know what, just give it time.

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And sometimes it's a it's a cultural matter, right? That we don't want her to be known as a woman who has been divorced. We don't want to bring shame upon the family. We don't want people to know we don't want the community to know we don't want other family members to know that there's problems in the relationship and sometimes the family themselves, her own parents will tell her, be quiet. Don't even talk about it. Don't even bring it up. Just be patient. Sometimes they'll say to her, just wait.

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Wait until you have a child because you know what? He may he may be messed up right now your husband's messed up. But once you have kids, everything will be okay.

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And we all know that having kids doesn't solve anything. As a matter of fact, if there was one victim in the house before. Now with kids, there are multiple

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Victims of that abuse. And let alone when it's a case of abuse

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with a man,

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let alone a man who is dealing with abuse in his own household, from his wife.

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We what would we say to this person? Well, first of all, we would shame that man, what kind of man? Are you, your wife is hitting you, your wife is beating you?

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Are you a man or what? We would shame that person.

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And perhaps, in many cases, you know, oftentimes, I know, we talked about women, and the abuse that women go through, we don't talk about the abuse that men suffer. And one of the reasons is because sometimes the abuse of women is more visible to us. Because I'm because a man is if a woman is not likely to talk about the abuse that she's going through, imagine how a man would feel having to complain to someone, or to tell someone that I'm dealing with abuse in my household. And sometimes, you know, it's something just as simple as this man has been raised to never hit a woman.

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And his wife has no problem

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hitting him. And so when she gets mad at him, or there's an argument, or she loses it, she has no problem hitting him and smacking him and punching him and so on and so forth. But he has been taught as a man, you don't raise a hand, you don't touch a woman like that. And so what happens, he takes the abuse, and he takes the abuse, and he takes the abuse.

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And so time, he has a sense of shame. It feels ashamed that perhaps, if I were to speak about this abuse, then what would the community say about me? Why is it that we have this attitude as Muslims towards people dealing with serious problems? You know, abuse is just one issue.

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domestic abuse, domestic violence is just one issue. Mental health is a whole nother category, where we have people in our own families, suffering from different mental health issues. And they come to us and we tell them Be patient.

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We tell them make do out, we tell them pray more, and Allah will solve your problems.

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And oftentimes, we're ashamed.

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we're ashamed to acknowledge the fact that we have a brother or a sister, or a spouse, or a child who's dealing with depression, or anxiety, or whatever the problem may be, because we don't want to be, we don't want to label someone as crazy. We don't want a family member labeled as someone who is crazy. So we tell them, just be patient. Because Islam has commanded us to be patient. My brothers and sisters, to say that this is the type of patients that Islam commands is a gross misunderstanding of the patience that Islam commands us.

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You know, you know, how multiple pilots share the story. In his talk, the story of how jet la has said, um, and for me, that's a that's an amazing story. And there's so many lessons that we can learn from that story. One of the lessons that I want to highlight is how halogen la has set up. How she understood what patience means. We know as we heard, in the previous talk, that he brought him out of his set, um, took her out to the middle of nowhere. There was nothing around, there was no livestock, there were no human beings. There was no water, there's nothing to eat. And she had a newborn child. He's married and he sat down.

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And he takes her in, and he leaves her there. And he begins to walk away. And as we heard, she pleaded with him. She asked him, where are you going? And he didn't respond until she got to the point where she understood. She said, Oh, Allahu Allah cubby. Haha. She said, has Allah commanded you to do this? Why? Because nothing else makes sense. It doesn't make sense Abraham it Sam would take his wife and his child to the middle of nowhere and just walk away. It must be a command from a law. And he says yes.

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And then when she hears that she understands. She says, If that is the case, Allah will not leave us alone will not just let us go along with that, let us perish, meaning Allah will take care of us. And we would maybe say to her, you know, be patient.

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Right? If Allah has commanded it, this is the situation that Allah has put you in, be patient, meaning don't talk about it. Don't do anything. Just sit down. And that's it.

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But that's not how Jelena salon was. The very first thing we she did, as we heard was that she questioned about him and he said, Why are you

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Leaving me here. Why are you? Why have you put me in this type of situation? And then she hears the answer that this is a command from a law.

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And then she stopped there. No, she takes action to take herself out of the difficult situation that she is in, you know, in sort of the bacara we have a certain set of verses where we hear about those who are patient along this kind of data describes the patient ones. Allah mentioned a series of tests and then Allah Subhana Allah praises those who are patient. Allah has panela data says, When I never know when that can be shaped in mineral whole field will do or

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we will test you with that of fear

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and hunger.

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And you know, how did it he said, she had both of those. She was afraid for her life. She was afraid for the safety of herself and her child.

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And she was hungry and her child was hungry. What I never knew what she meant, and hopefully we'll do our white knuckle seminar earlier when unfussy was summer art and the lack of people

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and the lack of provisions

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and wildly when unfussy with similar to wealth, people provisions, nothing, she had nothing. You know, most parents are dimensioned some are not some, some some plants, maybe some fruit, maybe something that maybe the earth itself would give. But even the earth had nothing to give.

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There was no people there was a lack of lives, there's a lack of human beings. And then along this panel with the ATA says, well, Bashir is far between that in those moments of difficulty give glad tidings to those who are patient, and levena, either asaba tomasa, those that when a calamity comes upon them, when a difficulty comes upon them carlu they say in the law, he was in Iraq.

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They say certainly, we belong to a law and we will return to a law

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meeting it is a law Who has created me and it is Allah who will take care of me and have no doubt that 100 Allah has said, that is how she felt when she heard that this is a command from Allah. She said Allah will not let us perish. And after that Allah subhana wa tada says, ooh, la, la him sobre la to Marathi him. These are those who Allah, Allah has sent His blessings upon one Rama and the mercy of Allah, wa oola, aka human dawn, and those are the ones who are guided. Those are the ones who are rightly guided meaning those are the ones who can truly make sense of all the difficulty in the pain and the suffering that we go through as human beings. Those who are patient, those who

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understand what patience really is, they're the ones who are rightly guided in those difficult times. And you know, many, many reciters of the Quran when they're reciting this part of sootel Baccarat, maybe they're reciting it until they get to this point, and they stop. Because the next is as in Safa, what, what I mean,

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that certainly Safa and Marwa are from the symbols of Allah and the car he thinks, you know what the topic has changed? So I'll leave it for the next icon.

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But the scholars have to see if they say the topic has not changed, because Allah is telling us about how Allah has said I'm the one whom we got the rights of hedge from, or at least the rights of Safa and Marwa What do we do during hygiene Ramadan? We climb up Safa, and we go make

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then we climb to go down, climb up to Ottawa, we go there and they make we make and there is a section between in which we run. Where did that come from? that come from how did that came from halogen Allah Hassan, because after she questioned Ibrahim at a set up, about why she is being left there, she didn't just sit and do nothing. She ran up to the mountain, or to the hill of Safa. And she looked out to see perhaps there are some people, perhaps someone can help her and she made the just like we do during during hygiene.

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And then she didn't stop there. She didn't see anyone. She ran from sofa to mattawa. She went to the other mountain that perhaps over there, she will find someone and she doesn't see anyone. Why was she running? scholars say one of the wisdoms behind that is that she doesn't want to lose time that perhaps while she's in the middle between the two mountains, somebody passes by.

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She wants to make sure she catches that person. So she runs between sulphite and Matawan. She runs up she makes two hours she runs up and she makes law she runs back and forth and back and forth. And we know that because of that, and because of her, and because of the obviously we brought him at a time as well. A lot of data provided for her for her

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Allahu Allah

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sprung the water of Zamzam for her.

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That was the answer of the call. And it is from that little bit of water that came that water that came from the ground. That today we look at Mecca.

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And we see that there's no longer the shortage of all of the things all of the tests that allow us to add I mentioned before

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a last kind of dimension. What I never knew when nutcombe ba in Manila, Kofi will do or is there any fear when you go to Mecca?

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No. Those of you who have made Hajj and Umrah Mecca is one of the safest places that you can go to. Are you hungry? When you go for hygiene? I'm gonna lie there's so much food sometimes it feels like it's a waste of food, the amount of food they have in Mecca

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COVID nacoss, in middle Amman, is there a shortage of wealth in Mecca? No, Saudis are some of the richest people in the world. We know this. I'm wondering what unfolds? Is there a shortage of people in Mecca?

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No, there's too many people actually. If you go for Hajj, there's nowhere to walk. What's the Murat food sustenance? Is there a shortage? No, there's people walking around. If you made hygiene around, especially during hygiene, you know, there's people walking around just giving food. Sometimes you're on a bus and somebody comes onto your bus, and they have bottles of water and they have food and they have dates. And sometimes you're like, you know, I'm here to worship a law. And I want to be in kind of like a, you know, a state where I feel spiritually close to a lot, I just end up filling myself with all this food because there's too much food.

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So that was the patience of how God has said.

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That is how Haji Ali Hassan understood patience. Meaning what? Meaning that yes, there are situations where we don't have control. There are situations that help us understand that we have to rely upon Allah subhanaw taala. But that doesn't mean that we sit and do nothing. You know, and oftentimes people will, quote, certain evidences to say that, you know, when when you're going through a difficulty, you're supposed to do nothing, you're supposed to just sit and be patient. I've heard people quote, The story of hubbub about the Allahu hubub was one of the companions of the prophets that I send them who was being tortured in Mecca,

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to the point where they would lay him out in the hottest part of the day. And they would put hot burning stones on his chest, and he would begin to bleed and his skin would begin to boil. And it got to that to the point where he couldn't bear it. So he went to the Prophet subtle, I send them and if I send them, he said, Be patient. Because certainly the nations who came before you, they would be sawed in half, they would be cut in half. And people say, look here, the President is telling him to not complain. The rest of them is telling him don't change your situation. But actuality what is happening here

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is that they had, there's nothing they could do.

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And in those moments, when we have tried everything we can, yes, we are patient, and yes, we understand that it is Allahu Allah to Allah who is in control. Because it is the Prophet Mohammed said, I said them himself, who throughout his life, in all of the trials that he went through, he didn't just sit in his house and do nothing. Or he didn't just sit and make the hour only.

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He took the means that a lot of Canada has given to him. He prepared himself for the Battle of Belgium For example, we know the Prophet sallallahu I know him send them you know, people often like to quote the story or the incident of the press and send them that the night before the Battle of beds, metal press that I'm stood in prayer and made the other whole night and they say, look, this is patience, right? Where you just make die.

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But they forget everything that happened before that night. They forgot all the preparations that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam made

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they forgot that Allah subhanaw taala said to them, what a doula must apply to men.

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And prepare against them whatever you're able to whatever you're capable of from force, what about the lion and even your cavalry? Allah instructed them to prepare themselves.

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And we find the process send them always, always, always you look at the life of the person send them he was always proactive. He was preparing and along with that, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would make da because in the end of the day,

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as Muslims, we are balanced. We understand that there's a connection between our lives and our after lives. We understand that in this life. We have to take the means and do everything that we can do. But true patience is understanding that the outcome is when Allah has power to Allah. But Allah has given us the responsibility to take the means

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Allah has given to us along this penalty, Allah has given us the responsibility to take advantage of anything we can do to remove harm from ourselves and from others. The prophets, I send them he said now, da da da, da da, he said, there is no causing of harm, and there's no reciprocating harm. And I often think about the person who lets an innocent woman or an innocent man suffer in an abusive relationship.

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And they're not removing the harm when they have the ability to do so. How many times do we allow people to suffer, when we may have the means Yeah, and may be uncomfortable, it may be difficult.

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It may be hard for us to acknowledge these matters. But we have the means to help the sister to help this brother will lie. There are sisters who are being battered in their house, who are being beaten in their house. And we have the ability to tell the sister get out of that situation immediately. Get there those of us who send her back to that same household for another night of beating or we send the children back to that same household to be beaten and abused by their father, or sometimes their mother? How will we answer to a large panel of data for this grave injustice? You know, we talked a lot about Dawa, we talked a lot about calling people to Islam. How can we face the

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challenge of Dawa? How can we call to these big ideas when we can't even stand up for justice? In our own households?

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What Islam? Are we preaching to people?

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When we have children that are being abused, we have women that are being abused, we have men that are being abused? What type of Islam? Are we preaching, when we cannot take care of our own weak?

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What type of Islam are we preaching, when we cannot help those who may not be able to help themselves will lie This is not my Islam. And this is not the Islam of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa send them

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this is from the basic principles of humanity is to remove harm from other people is to help someone when someone comes to you, and they're in need.

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Even if you're not Muslim, it is part of our fitrah it is part of our nature, as human beings It is part of our humanity, to feel something to want to remove hardship from other people to want to remove suffering from other people. So how is it that we let people suffer in silence? How is it that we can tell someone just go back and sit down and make the art and we're lucky it's not only a disservice

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to our humanity, it is a disservice to the deen of Islam. Because there are indeed is very powerful. And do our we know is the weapon of the believer. But it has to be made while taking the means once again. It's like that person who is making they're on the island and a boat comes to save him and he says no things How good was his daughter at that point? That is do I help him? No, because he rejected the help that a lot of data said to him.

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And so I want to leave you with this. And I want you to hear me out inshallah tada if you're going through anything.

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In life, any type of difficulty, any type of hardship.

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I want you to hear me and I hope you understand that you don't have to suffer in silence.

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That you know what? I'm here for you that your community is here for you. And you know what Allah has panela to Allah is here for you. Never let anyone tell you that you just have to bear it. with patience if there is a means for you to change your situation. You don't have to suffer in silence. You can seek the help of others in your communities help and of course, the help of a lot of penalty Allah. And Allah Hussam handler to Allah knows best Subhana Allah mubychem dig a shadow Allah Allah Allah and stuff will go to Blake was Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh