Seeking Advice (Nasihah)

Riyadul Haqq


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Bismillah al Maliki Rahi

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Smilla Rahmanir Rahim

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Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala so you didn't want Cirino Hotham in the been

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Ramadan was the he was certainly he he

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and my biographer will be learning administrate learned regime Smilla Rahmanir Rahim

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in Allahu wa Mala Equateur who use alone add in your Lena Samadhi he was suddenly mood sleep

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Allahu wa salam ala Sayidina Muhammad in in the economy while he was still in schema

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I've been

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discussing nasiha

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as a general concept, based on the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa salam recorded by Muslim in his so he

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and by others from the mean with dirty little the Allahu Anhu says the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam said a dean on the see her

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on alamin bothered Allah he will he kita ve whatever solely he will imitate Muslimeen or an Mytho him. Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,

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religion is nnessee

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we said for whom

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam replied,

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for Allah for his book, and for His messenger and for the leaders of the Muslims and their common common folk.

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I've already explained this hadith in detail

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have clarified that no see her here

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refers to

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purity, sincerity, genuineness

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being true

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Today, I'd like to

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speak about one part of this

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overall concept of nausea and loss,

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which is

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the common form of nnessee, which we are most familiar with, I advise.

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So in Asian language, well in many languages, Asian as well as others, in Muslim cultures all over the world

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where the word mercy is used.

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Almost invariably,

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especially in non Arabic languages, it's used to refer to good counsel and advice.

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And as I've explained, this isn't an incorrect meaning. It's just that this is merely a part of the overall concept of Nasr and nasiha.

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how should we understand nasiha?

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the giving of advice, the seeking of advice, what should be our approach? What is etiquettes? What should be our understanding?

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It may seem rather simple that advice can ask anyone for advice. But

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there is much wisdom

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in the verses of the Holy Quran

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and in the teachings of resort allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, even in relation to the simple

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regular human activity of seeking good counsel and seeking help and advice from others.

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Today, I'd like to focus on

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seeking advice, obtaining advice and not see her

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once again, no see her

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And it's related term nos, which are both used in the Hadith

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being sincere,

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being genuine, being true

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wish wishing well,

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seeking the best for the other person

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the best intentions for the other person

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wanting for them what one wants for oneself

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having the other person's welfare and best interests at heart, all of these meanings and more are actually contained in the single Arabic word nasiha. And the real amount of Arabic have explained that there is no other word which encompasses all of these meanings other than the word Messiah. Yeah, it's a very unique word.

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So, this is the general concept of mercy.

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the phrase or sorry, the term mercy which we are most accustomed to AI advice, that is merely a part of it, and it's closely related. So what should be our approach to seeking advice.

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This is a very sensitive and critical topic. major decisions are made

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on the basis of other people's counsel and advice when we seek

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and so one needs to be very careful.

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We learn from the teachings of the Quran and the Hadith and the legacy of the Allah ma as to how a person should actually seek nasiha.

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From him,

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with what etiquettes and in which frame of mind

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and in which state of heart.

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First of all, from

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this is probably the most important aspect of nursing.

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When you seek advice,

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find someone

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who fulfills

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all the well, if not all them at least as many qualities of NASA as possible as described in the head.

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So you need to find someone who

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has your best interests at heart.

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One who is sincere towards you.

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One who is genuine torch.

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who wishes wealthy and not just well but wishes the best for

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someone who is selfless in giving that advice

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and in fact, one of the meanings of nnessee

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Advice is a distillation

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and a percolation

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all of these noble feelings and teachings of purity, genuineness and sincerity.

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It's almost as though the word nnessee have means that when that person gives you advice, they extract

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the most pure, genuine, sincere, well intended well meant and well wished words of advice.

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That's not see.

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So you need to find someone

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has all these qualities

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and this is why

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before I continue

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let me go back to that.

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Famous hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa salam about

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Dreams. And we learn from the heads from the ahaadeeth that when a person sees a dream, one should be very careful about whom that individual relates to dream two.

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And this is why, you know, Hadith led by Muhammad and humbling as Muslim

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from the companion of Buddha zine or the Allahu and

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam says as part of a longer Hadith that

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dreams are about dreams. At the end, the wording is, now you had disobey her Illa. Habib and Olivia,

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the CEO of the stream, when he sees a dream, he should not relate the stream except to a Habib or Libby

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in another narration from the same companion again by Imam Ahmed and humble in his Muslim

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the wedding is

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it Allah Allah Wa, then oh, the right

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except to a word

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or authority.

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And, in another narration, again, Batman, Hamlet, in fact, by Imam did me theater, Allah He had a from a war era the Allah one prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says he should not relate his dream to anyone except in law, lemon law, lemon or NASA, except to an alum or a NASA.

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Of course, there are other iterations as well. But let's just suffice with these.

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So here we've come across a few terms in the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa salam about

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that person, whom you should confide in with your dreams.

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Dreams can represent a person's worst fears,

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or innermost secrets, and hopes and aspirations.

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mainly are related to one's thoughts. And at times they aren't. It could be a dream could be from Allah dream could be from the Shea farm.

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And it's open to interpretation.

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And obviously, when someone interprets the dream,

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you will be affected by it, you will immediately take those words of interpretation to heart.

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Whatever the reality and the manifestation of the interpretation of that dream at a later stage.

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It's human nature that once you've seen a dream, it remains open and vague. But once someone interprets it for you, it brings it into narrow focus. Now, you are not fixated on the dream as much as you are fixated on the actual interpretation given by someone else.

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So the Prophet Sall Allahu alayhi wa salam has advised us that

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one should only confide in the following people with one's dreams.

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So who are they? From the Hadith we've learned Habib Labib word, the raw URL in NASA. And that's just from these three generations. So who are they hubby means

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a beloved it.

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Labib means a very intelligent person.

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And the other narration Illa Allah word word more or less is the same as Habib, someone who loves so it's the same thing heavy word. The other person is illallah wa, then oh, the euro, the euro, the euro, someone of opinion.

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it's similar to someone who's very intelligent. So someone who loves you.

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Someone that you love.

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Someone who is

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very intelligent.

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Someone who is of

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sound opinion

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and I'll explain all of these.

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And finally, in the final Hadith, Allah

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Does that mean oh NASA, or one should not relate one's dreams except to an alum or to a NASA, one who is sincerely a well wish.

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Again, it doesn't mean advisor. It means someone who is sincere and genuine and wishes well and has your best interests and your welfare at heart.

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Although the this hadith, these are Hadith about dreams

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it's a very good teach, about confiding in and consulting.

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Only someone

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who has these qualities.

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And that's by the explicit command of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa salam. And so I would say that when it comes to seeking to see

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advice and counsel, when we can, when we when it comes to consulting someone, whether it's bad dreams or reality,

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whether whether it's about a vision that we've seen, a dream that we've had, or whether it's about what we are experiencing,

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or something that we need clarification on advice on anything, when we need to consult someone and seek their advice, then we should apply the same principle of these headings, and only confide in and only consult, only consult someone of these qualities. So who are they?

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And now I'm not talking about dreams, I'm talking about missing, when we want advice,

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the least we should ensure

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is that

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the now say the person giving us advice, the person

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that we are consulting, that we are confiding in, should be someone of these attributes and characteristics mentioned by the soul allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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number one heavy word, someone who loves you and someone that you love.

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And the meaning of love

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is not just the love between

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husband and wife,

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or siblings, of course.

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Who all it means family, it means

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marriage, it means parents. It means siblings, it means children. But it also extends to others. Because it's highly unlikely every individual is going to find

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through Raji or an alum especially in one's own family.

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So this refers to

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others as well. Others it could be friends, but genuine friends, friends that you truly care for and that you know care for you.

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So the first

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First of all, the person should be a word or Hubby, meaning someone who loves you cares for you and that you love and that you care for someone who's genuine in their friendship.

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Someone who's sincere in their friendship

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number two, apart from being a Habib

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they shouldn't be Labib as well. Of course, in the Hadith, it says Habib or Levy

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and it of course, it doesn't mean that a person has to combine all of these qualities because that's almost

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that's extremely difficult, improbable for most people. So

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the person should be a heavy a word. Someone who truly cares for you loves you and that you care for and love in return.

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Or the person should be a lovey.

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Lovey means

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highly intelligent.

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in the other Hadith, the wording is the right meaning someone of sound opinion now

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everyone has an opinion. That's not what's referred to here

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in Arabic when this phrase is used the Mad

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Though in the right one of wealth, one of knowledge, one of opinion, then what do they do have someone I've great fortune,

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then it's always superlative and exaggerate. So, the

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summon of knowledge meaning a man of, or a person of great knowledge,

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a person of great intelligence,

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a person of great fortune,

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a person of immense wealth, if you say the MA or the L.

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And hear the Quran, in Arabic normally refers to someone who is of good, sound, intelligent,

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worthy opinion

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that people respect and look at.

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So who would normally be of

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who would normally be considered thorough someone of sound opinion, someone of intelligence, wisdom, experience a seniority or authority

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that's a thorough

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that's what you call a Labib, someone who's highly intelligent.

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in the other Hadith Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says Illa Allah, Lehmann, Omar say, one should not relate one's dream except to a man, someone of knowledge

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or to a NASA. And NASA doesn't just mean an advisor, anybody can be an advisor. It means someone who has all of those qualities of pneus and Naseeha, sincerity, purity, genuineness, the person has a wellwisher has your best interests and your welfare at heart.

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when it comes to seeking advice, these are the type of people that we should be looking for that we should be consulted.

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Because we are confiding in someone and consulting them,

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in order to make

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far reach

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decisions, with consequences with repercussions

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with far reaching effects, long term effects

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and very serious and major decisions normally of life.

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When the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam says Allah Allah adamant on us that one should not relate one's dream or again, one shouldn't confide in or consult someone

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except anyone except an alum or a NASA, someone who is

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genuinely concerned

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as your welfare and best interests at heart.

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This will guarantee this will ensure sincere meaningful, helpful, genuine advice.

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This is what we should be seek.

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If someone does not fit these qualities, then what tends to happen.

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allow me to

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some experience with you

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problems that I have dealt with and continue to deal with,

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which people find themselves in

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because of

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that unfortunate

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tragedy of having confided in and consulted people who do not fulfill these qualities.

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Families have been destroyed.

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Children have been torn from their parents.

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Parents have been banished

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from their pets.

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marriages have been destroyed

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people have lost immense wealth

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people have had their careers destroyed

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their lifelong work and lifetime achievements thrown down the drain

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people have fallen into depression

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because of

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the decisions they've made

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based on other people's advice

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that unfortunately they themselves confided that they consult

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and some of that advice may have been unsolicited.

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People love giving advice and telling people what

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one should be very, very careful as I said, it has been my unfortunate experience to deal with so many issues over the years

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that are that bear these consequences that I've just outlined and all based on

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Elon intended

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advise, how am I built say it's insincere because in many of these cases later transpired that there was an ulterior motive

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and that became evidence.

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The advice wasn't well meant.

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When a person

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before Islam, when people wanted to

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make a decision

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they would consult but gods

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they would consult the oracle

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they would go to soothsayers see is shamans.

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Sorcerers for 14 turns.

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and even in

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centers of culture, education and learning

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of philosophy

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in Ancient ancient Athens, Greece, in Rome, in Alexandria,

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in the cradles of civilization, Egypt and Mesopotamia,

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even in these bustling advanced cities full of beautiful architecture, engineering, philosophy, libraries, learning

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P people would still consult

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See, says shamans,

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witch doctors.

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They would go to shrines to statues. They would go to

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fortune tellers, who wouldn't just gaze into a ball, they'd

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slaughter animals

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and look into that in trails.

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They will release birds that use arrows of divination.

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And this continued law of

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gave us two teachings. Well, one teaching made up of two components to replace all of this

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is the hara and it's the SHA.

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Which is that Allah Han is the source of the law highly who has set them have taught us that when you want

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to consult some

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When you want

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some indication

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of what to do

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when you are unsure or even if you aren't sure

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because people would go to the shrines for blessings so they more or less knew what they wanted but for ratification for confirmation they would go for blessings

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what Allah means was salsa Lulla Heidi was some have taught us it's very simple it's the hara, and it's the sharp it's the hara the seeking of hey good

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is the Shara the seeking of a Shara an indication

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of advice you do is the hara from Allah.

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You seek blessings and hate from Allah through them.

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It's not a consultation.

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And it's the shower. you consult the creation so you seek blessings from the creator and you consult the creation.

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We don't visit fortune teller soothsayers, witch doctors, sorceress

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shrines are any such thing.

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We turn to Allah subhanho wa Taala in dua of istikhara, which is not a consultation. It's mainly seeking the blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala and good from him. And then we also do is the chakra meaning we consult the creation of Allah

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and we make sure that we only approach those responsible people that have been outlined in these Hadith in relation to confiding in them or consulting them about dreams, same principle would apply about confiding in them and consulting them for decisions.

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If I can just give the exam that any major decision could be employment or career,

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one's future relocation

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problems that one has.

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it goes without saying, probably the key area

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of consultation

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and confiding in others is in relation to marriage, marriage and divorce.

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This is the most

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common area and sadly the most critical and sensitive.

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As I said, so many wrong decisions have been made. So many lives have been destroyed. So many marriages have been broken because of

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sought from the wrong people advice given by the wrong P.

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The person who may consult has to be sincere.

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They have to be sincere.

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They shouldn't be someone who's trying to please you. Otherwise, might as well talk to a mirror

00:33:56--> 00:33:58

will stand in an echo chamber.

00:34:02--> 00:34:04

As I said, there are many etiquettes

00:34:05--> 00:34:09

there's an approach there's a frame of mind the state of heart.

00:34:11--> 00:34:12

So let me begin with sincerity.

00:34:14--> 00:34:16

When we seek advice,

00:34:18--> 00:34:31

we should ensure that we ourselves us and see it in seeking that advice, and that the person that we consult and confide in is also someone who is sincere.

00:34:33--> 00:34:34

If there is sincerity

00:34:36--> 00:34:41

in both people that advice will be meaningful, helpful

00:34:42--> 00:34:42

and productive.

00:34:45--> 00:34:48

How can we ensure that we are sincere ourselves

00:34:53--> 00:34:55

we really have to question our hearts

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

sometimes. In fact, often

00:35:00--> 00:35:07

What happens is that our lower self, our knifes our own desires, our own wishes

00:35:10--> 00:35:14

and hopes come in the way our own hopes come in the way

00:35:15--> 00:35:17

and they blind us

00:35:19--> 00:35:22

all or even if they don't blind us

00:35:25--> 00:35:32

we know the dangers we know the risks, we know the harms and the disadvantages, we know that ills

00:35:34--> 00:35:35


00:35:36--> 00:35:39

our knifes our lower self,

00:35:40--> 00:35:52

our ego, our desires, all of these collude to pushing those risks and dangers and those red flags and those warnings

00:35:54--> 00:35:55

into the corner.

00:35:59--> 00:36:04

And men when we seek advice in this state of heart,

00:36:05--> 00:36:11

often what we do is not seek sincere advice. We seek validation.

00:36:13--> 00:36:15

We seek affirmation.

00:36:17--> 00:36:21

We want someone to help remove our doubts.

00:36:23--> 00:36:25

That lingering doubt.

00:36:27--> 00:36:33

And so we go seeking advice with a preconceived mind

00:36:35--> 00:36:36

with pre judgment.

00:36:37--> 00:36:39

We already know what we want.

00:36:40--> 00:36:46

We just want someone to tell us what we want to hear so that we can feel better ourselves.

00:36:50--> 00:37:01

Subhan Allah if we cannot be sincere ourselves in seeking advice? How can we expect sincerity from others even in giving that advice?

00:37:03--> 00:37:04

So we need to be sincere

00:37:08--> 00:37:12

and there's no question about this because the reality is the truth is bitter.

00:37:16--> 00:37:19

And when a person seeks seeks advice

00:37:23--> 00:37:30

genuine sincere advice and someone dispenses that sincere and genuine advice well meant advice.

00:37:32--> 00:37:37

It may be very bitter it may be very hard to bear and very hard to hear, let alone act.

00:37:41--> 00:37:42

So we have to be sincere.

00:37:44--> 00:37:50

If we are not sincere and seeking that advice, then we're wasting our time on other people's.

00:37:54--> 00:37:56

So how can we ensure that we are sincere?

00:38:01--> 00:38:02

Go with an open mind.

00:38:04--> 00:38:07

A genuine open mind reflect

00:38:08--> 00:38:18

on what you want. Not what you want in the long term. Reflect on what you want from this consultation and this seeking advice.

00:38:25--> 00:38:27

So the first thing is sincerity.

00:38:29--> 00:38:41

If we are sincere and in sha Allah if the person giving advice as sincere, Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah will guide and bless our choices and our decisions.

00:38:44--> 00:38:48

Speaking of marriage in the Holy Quran, Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah says

00:38:49--> 00:38:54

We lift them shake off obeying Him after birth will hack them in early he will hack them a min earlier.

00:38:57--> 00:39:01

So we don't have time to go into the details. But this is a verse of the Holy Quran

00:39:02--> 00:39:06

in which Allah azza wa jal says that if

00:39:19--> 00:39:22

you fear the division

00:39:24--> 00:39:25

and the conflict

00:39:26--> 00:39:29

of them to meaning husband and wife

00:39:30--> 00:39:33

for birth who had come in early he will hack him and

00:39:34--> 00:39:35

then send

00:39:37--> 00:39:38

an arbitrator

00:39:39--> 00:39:42

from his family and an arbitrator from her family.

00:39:44--> 00:39:48

So a representative of the husband and a representative of the wife.

00:39:50--> 00:39:55

And then Allah azza wa jal says, eu li the Islam Hi your faith Allah who

00:39:57--> 00:39:58

if they both

00:40:00--> 00:40:03

meaning not husband and wife, but the two HECM.

00:40:04--> 00:40:13

The two arbitrators, the two representatives in your either Islam, if they both seek reconciliation,

00:40:15--> 00:40:43

your fic Allah Who by nahama, Allah will reconcile the two meaning that husband and wife. So in short, what this verse says is that in the event of disagreements and conflicts between husband and wife, where they cannot resolve matters between themselves, and it leads to the choosing a representative from his family, sorry, a representative from his family and representative from her family.

00:40:44--> 00:40:49

They come together to try and sort out things.

00:40:51--> 00:41:19

If they are both sincere, through the burqa and the blessing of their sincerity, Allah will bring about peace, love and harmony and reconciliation between these two warring husband and wife. Even though prior to this, they could not resolve anything themselves. This is why they had to resort to representatives from their respective families, because they couldn't resolve it themselves. That's what sincerity does.

00:41:21--> 00:41:28

So if we are sincere in seeking advice, and the person dispensing that advice is sincere.

00:41:29--> 00:41:34

Through the baraka and the blessing of that sincerity in both individuals,

00:41:35--> 00:41:48

the consulting individual and the consulted individual, Allah subhanho wa Taala will guide us to a good meaningful, productive and inshallah blessed session.

00:41:50--> 00:41:54

We have to be sincere first. And that means with an open mind.

00:41:57--> 00:42:07

In surah, Al Asad Allah subhanho wa Taala says, well as in them in Santa Fe hos Illa Lavina almond, or Amadou suave had what the word soul will help deal with the worst hope is

00:42:10--> 00:42:14

that by time, indeed, man is in a state of great loss,

00:42:15--> 00:42:19

except for those who believe in who do good deeds. And

00:42:21--> 00:42:23

so Allah mentions the believers.

00:42:24--> 00:42:27

And Allah mentions four attributes of their lives.

00:42:28--> 00:42:35

These are the saved ones. These are the ones who are not in a loss. But they these are the winners.

00:42:36--> 00:42:51

Who are the winners, they have four attributes in the Lavina Armineh. Except for those who believe believe number two, what I mean go solid, hard, and who do good deeds. Number three, what the WHA So Bill, how

00:42:55--> 00:43:06

they cancel one another, and advise one another, and exalt each other to the truth. And number four, what the wasabi is solid.

00:43:08--> 00:43:15

And they exhort one another, advise one of the council one another, to persevere.

00:43:17--> 00:43:26

So the reason for mentioning this versus what the wire so Bill Hawk, this is what Believers do, in their sincerity to each other.

00:43:27--> 00:43:48

And in their sincerity to Allah. Believers, advise one another and counsel one another with the truth with help, not what the other person wants to hear. But with the bitter bear honest truth, no matter how unpalatable it may be.

00:43:50--> 00:43:51

That's what they do.

00:43:53--> 00:44:04

So when seek advice, we should be sincere, first, open our hearts open our mind and be willing and ready to accept the advice given to us.

00:44:06--> 00:44:07

Even though it may be bit

00:44:10--> 00:44:12

because what we are looking for

00:44:13--> 00:44:22

is not affirmation is not validation. It's not just confirmation of what we already feel and want and what we think

00:44:25--> 00:44:29

the advice that we want is help the truth.

00:44:30--> 00:44:31

The reality.

00:44:32--> 00:44:33

That's what we want.

00:44:38--> 00:44:48

So first of all, we should be sincere and seeking advice. And we should ensure that the person that we are seeking advice from is sincere themselves.

00:44:52--> 00:44:54

It shouldn't be just a friend who

00:44:55--> 00:44:58

wants to tell you exactly what you want to hear

00:45:02--> 00:45:04

shouldn't just be a friend

00:45:07--> 00:45:10

if a thief consults a thief

00:45:11--> 00:45:14

and as a thief asks the thief

00:45:16--> 00:45:19

I want to steal should I steal?

00:45:20--> 00:45:21

The thief will say,

00:45:23--> 00:45:24

of course and I'll join you

00:45:28--> 00:45:33

lie if we are seeking advice from like minded individuals

00:45:35--> 00:45:52

then it's just standing in an echo chamber. It's ratification confirmation, validation affirmation of what we already want and think and desire. That's not seeking advice. That's we just deluding ourselves. We truly are deceiving ourselves

00:45:59--> 00:46:13

and this is why sometimes when we seek advice, when we're told the truth, we don't like it. And we refuse to act on it. In fact, we will become angry as Allah says about them on our own in the Quran.

00:46:15--> 00:46:27

way the lead Allahu Allah, Allah is it will if and when it is said to him, fear Allah be wary of Allah. arrogance in sin ceases.

00:46:32--> 00:46:52

So if we, especially if we ourselves, take the initiative and approach someone and seek their advice, then we should be sincere ourselves with an open heart and mind and be willing to accept what they tell us. No matter how bitter The truth may be, no matter how hard it may be.

00:46:56--> 00:47:00

So sincerity, in ourselves, and in the other purse

00:47:07--> 00:47:10

when we approached someone for advice

00:47:14--> 00:47:17

we should look for not just sincerity,

00:47:18--> 00:47:45

but wisdom and knowledge as a Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says in that hadith about dreams, do not relate to your dreams or dreams should not be related except to it Allah Allah I live in Oh, NASA, except to a Merlin, or in the other Hadith lebih Ebola, except to the highly intelligent person, or in the other Hadith, or the Ronnie was someone of great sound opinion.

00:47:47--> 00:47:59

It makes sense. If you want advice, if you want to consult someone, consult someone have knowledge of wisdom, of intelligence of experience.

00:48:03--> 00:48:05

If you're just going to ask a friend,

00:48:06--> 00:48:18

that doesn't mean that one can't consult one's friends of course, one's at liberty to do what they will what I say everyone chooses. But this is the teaching of Allah, he's at Azusa, lulla, Hardy.

00:48:21--> 00:48:26

If that person is wise, intelligent, and truly cares for you and is sincere,

00:48:28--> 00:48:30

and truly wishes wealthy then fine.

00:48:32--> 00:48:37

Often what tends to happen, and as I said, If I can just give the example of marriage again.

00:48:38--> 00:48:40

In so many cases,

00:48:42--> 00:48:49

people, even in marriage and divorce, they ignore the advice of their parents

00:48:51--> 00:49:00

of their mothers or their fathers of their older siblings have their brothers and sisters of their own immediate family

00:49:01--> 00:49:04

and casting all these people aside.

00:49:05--> 00:49:07

Seniors elders,

00:49:08--> 00:49:16

they seek an act and cling on to the advice of their friend

00:49:17--> 00:49:22

of the same age of the same persuasion of the same mindset.

00:49:27--> 00:49:34

Where is the wisdom? Where is the intelligence? Where is the sense in that?

00:49:36--> 00:49:37

These are lifelong decisions.

00:49:41--> 00:49:44

Friends, fade friendships fake.

00:49:46--> 00:49:47

Friends come and go.

00:49:49--> 00:49:50

Friends change

00:49:52--> 00:49:54

your father will always be your father.

00:49:56--> 00:49:57

Your mother will always be your mother.

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

Your older brothers and

00:50:00--> 00:50:02

siblings will always be your older brothers and siblings.

00:50:08--> 00:50:12

And so often, friends,

00:50:13--> 00:50:16

acquaintances, colleagues,

00:50:18--> 00:50:19

they haven't got the time,

00:50:21--> 00:50:35

the emotional energy and strength, or the mental and emotional capacity to listen to your whinging and your complaining about your problems.

00:50:39--> 00:50:40


00:50:43--> 00:50:55

sometimes their advice can be very dismissive. As I've said before, and these are facts I've dealt with so many cases where a husband and wife have their troubles.

00:50:57--> 00:51:02

One, either the husband or the wife, the husband consults his friends.

00:51:08--> 00:51:10

The friends have their own issues.

00:51:12--> 00:51:18

They haven't got the time, or the mental and emotional energy to listen to all of this and absorb it

00:51:19--> 00:51:22

to be any emotional or verbal punching bag.

00:51:26--> 00:51:29

Or the proverbial wall to lean on.

00:51:30--> 00:51:34

They don't have the time or the mental and emotional energy.

00:51:37--> 00:51:39

And they probably feel Listen, we've come out

00:51:42--> 00:51:43

to have a good time

00:51:44--> 00:51:48

not to listen to your woes and your tears.

00:51:49--> 00:51:58

But they won't say that. And often what tends to happen is he's going on about his marital problems. And what do friends say?

00:52:00--> 00:52:06

Very dismissively, very courteously. Divorce her, get rid of them.

00:52:08--> 00:52:11

One friend says it, the second one says it. The third one says it.

00:52:14--> 00:52:18

Simple divorce, get rid of leave.

00:52:23--> 00:52:24

This is so common.

00:52:27--> 00:52:28

It's dismissive.

00:52:34--> 00:52:39

And some people end up acting. Not in fact, yes, some people do end up acting on that advice.

00:52:44--> 00:52:45

Same goes

00:52:46--> 00:52:51

for the wife on some occasions, where she will again offload onto her friends.

00:52:58--> 00:52:59


00:53:01--> 00:53:05

they don't have the time, the mental and emotional energy.

00:53:06--> 00:53:14

When family members don't have that emotional energy, you think friends and acquaintances and colleagues and strangers will have that

00:53:15--> 00:53:16

time and energy

00:53:19--> 00:53:23

Subhan Allah on so many occasions

00:53:24--> 00:53:27

when people contact me regarding marital issues.

00:53:30--> 00:53:35

In the past, I've said to people speak one of the first things I say you speak to your family.

00:53:38--> 00:53:40

You have to you have to speak to your family.

00:53:42--> 00:53:43

First and foremost.

00:53:46--> 00:53:48

And in some cases,

00:53:49--> 00:53:56

people have actually said that we can't speak to the family. Why? Is because they're sick and tired of it.

00:54:01--> 00:54:09

Some family members have gone to the extent of saying to their own siblings. And some parents have said to their own children.

00:54:10--> 00:54:11

That look

00:54:13--> 00:54:14

you are our son

00:54:19--> 00:54:29

and you're welcome to come home, to eat, to drink, to meet with us to mix and mingle with others, and to be here as a son as a brother.

00:54:31--> 00:54:35

But we don't want to hear a word about your marriage

00:54:36--> 00:54:37

or your problems.

00:54:40--> 00:54:45

So you can come and eat you my son, but I don't want to hear a word about your marriage.

00:54:46--> 00:54:49

You're our brother we don't hear a word about your marriage.

00:54:52--> 00:55:00

Family members have told me themselves because in some instances I've dealt with one side of the family then I've gone to the actual

00:55:00--> 00:55:04

All family members, parents, and siblings have told me

00:55:05--> 00:55:08

we don't want to have anything to do with it. We're sick and tired.

00:55:10--> 00:55:15

So I'm just saying this as an example of when parents at times and family members siblings

00:55:17--> 00:55:21

don't have the mental and emotional energy and capacity

00:55:22--> 00:55:26

to deal with and to absorb all this offloading.

00:55:28--> 00:55:30

And all these issues and problems.

00:55:32--> 00:55:37

How do we expect strangers, colleagues, friends, acquaintances?

00:55:39--> 00:55:45

To be able to absorb all of this and to have that mental and emotional energy and strength to deal with it?

00:55:47--> 00:55:49

So what do they do they advise very dismissively.

00:55:50--> 00:55:59

And sometimes, as I said, it's precarious advice. So there have been many cases, again, I'm giving you examples in a generic way in a general way.

00:56:03--> 00:56:07

of issues that I've personally dealt with, where for instance,

00:56:09--> 00:56:11

one friend consults his friend.

00:56:13--> 00:56:19

The both married he says to him, I'm going through these problems. That friend says divorce.

00:56:21--> 00:56:23

He then goes and divorces his wife.

00:56:25--> 00:56:30

Because in that state of confusion, bewilderment, pain, emotional pain,

00:56:33--> 00:56:37

he acts on his friends advice, it then later emerges

00:56:39--> 00:56:43

that the friend who gave him the advice to divorce his wife

00:56:44--> 00:56:48

was actually suffering 10 times worse than him.

00:56:49--> 00:57:05

So why didn't he act on his own advice? It's because it's something he wanted to do, but never ever had the strength or the courage to do it. So he played out his fantasy of divorcing his wife vicariously through his friend

00:57:08--> 00:57:13

it's the anger that yeah, you should divorce your wife get rid of.

00:57:16--> 00:57:18

And that's actually divorced by proxy.

00:57:21--> 00:57:23

And the other way as well.

00:57:25--> 00:57:26

Oh, luck well.

00:57:32--> 00:57:39

Husbands are clearly told me that I divorced my wife because my friends advised me. wives have told me

00:57:41--> 00:57:48

I've sought a divorce. Why? What do your family say? Or they're all against it? And never read a consult?

00:57:50--> 00:57:55

Well, who's asked you? Sorry, who advised you on what basis my friends have been telling? Allahu Akbar?

00:57:58--> 00:58:02

Like I said, friends, fate friendships fake.

00:58:03--> 00:58:04

Friendships for

00:58:05--> 00:58:06

people change.

00:58:09--> 00:58:20

One should only confide in and consult a Habib Labib Rod indura Enos, as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says in these Hadith

00:58:22--> 00:58:30

one who truly cares for you someone who truly loves you someone that you care for that you hold dear that you respect him love

00:58:31--> 00:58:36

someone intelligence someone of good sound opinion of wisdom.

00:58:38--> 00:58:40

Someone who wishes wealthier you harbors

00:58:42--> 00:58:44

the best interests

00:58:46--> 00:58:46

and wishes for

00:58:52--> 00:58:54

these are the people who should be consulted

00:58:58--> 00:58:59

not just any

00:59:06--> 00:59:11

and when it says early me doesn't mean go to me out of the mouth.

00:59:12--> 00:59:13

It truly doesn't.

00:59:15--> 00:59:16

Allahu Akbar

00:59:18--> 00:59:21

as I've said people request others to do is the harder for them.

00:59:23--> 00:59:26

It's the Hara is not a consultation.

00:59:29--> 00:59:31

It's vulnerable hate.

00:59:34--> 00:59:37

For those for the students in the real amount of Arabic

00:59:38--> 00:59:39

is the Hara.

00:59:40--> 00:59:42

And I wasn't Estefan

00:59:44--> 00:59:49

because see at the bottom means the sea king of high

00:59:53--> 00:59:57

is the hara doesn't mean that you are consulting Allah subhanho wa Taala

00:59:59--> 01:00:00

you're seeking you

01:00:00--> 01:00:00

His blessing

01:00:01--> 01:00:26

and the way to do this the Hara is simply this You don't just do this the hara if you are in doubt you do is the hara even if you are sure that you want to do something is the hara the way the way is haram is the chakra work as I understand it, and as I've always understood it and practiced it is as follows

01:00:33--> 01:00:45

what people would do before is the wants to do something. So they'll ask others, they'll do all their homework, they'll check everything

01:00:46--> 01:00:53

and then let's say they want to start a project a building project. So they do all the homework they do

01:00:55--> 01:00:57

the cover all the information

01:00:58--> 01:01:02

and then just before they start, touch would

01:01:03--> 01:01:09

touch word Wish me good luck. And they begin on traditionally the go to a SUSE

01:01:10--> 01:01:15

we do is the Shara and then it's the Hydra is the Shara is we do our help

01:01:16--> 01:01:17

if you want to buy a car

01:01:22--> 01:01:32

simple act of buying a car you do all your homework. Once you've done your homework, you then make the outcome even in let's say buying a car

01:01:33--> 01:01:35

and the door out is the Hara is

01:01:37--> 01:01:50

longing is the hero can be written request the hero could be called the reticle SRO come in for the record I have been in Nicaragua after the rotana Mola Alam Will you allow him in contact them on the Hodel I'm receiving the fee Daniel Moran she

01:01:52--> 01:01:58

will activate the MD for clinical leeway acetylcholine from barbarically fee.

01:02:01--> 01:02:12

When you come to Dalaman unhaggle I'm gonna show me the the numerology we're out there but the MD for stiff knee and who was trained for so for me was lift me and walk the label higher Hi thugann athma of the knee but

01:02:14--> 01:02:19

this is a DUA and what does it do? As I say, the translation is, Oh Allah,

01:02:21--> 01:02:23

I seek your blessing

01:02:26--> 01:02:28

through your knowledge,

01:02:29--> 01:02:31

and I seek strength through your power.

01:02:32--> 01:02:34

And I ask you of your immense power.

01:02:35--> 01:02:39

Indeed you have all power and I have no power.

01:02:41--> 01:02:44

And indeed, you know, and I have no knowledge.

01:02:45--> 01:02:51

And you indeed are the knower, the great knower of all things and see

01:02:52--> 01:02:54

Oh Allah, if you know

01:02:55--> 01:02:58

that this matter and it could be anything.

01:02:59--> 01:03:04

Buying a House buying a car making a purchase, starting a new job

01:03:08--> 01:03:11

marriage a business venture it could absolutely be anything

01:03:13--> 01:03:20

Lahoma in Quinta Alamo Amna Hodel Umbra Allah if you know that this met this thing

01:03:21--> 01:03:26

is better for me is good for me. In my religion,

01:03:27--> 01:03:29

in my life and livelihood

01:03:30--> 01:03:36

and in the ultimate consequence of my affair meaning my aka my afterlife

01:03:38--> 01:03:40

what's the wording thereafter?

01:03:43--> 01:03:44

Allah show me a dream.

01:03:46--> 01:03:48

Oh Allah give me a sign.

01:03:49--> 01:03:51

or Allah give me some indication.

01:03:53--> 01:03:57

Fuck politically way a Sidhu Leatham methodically fee

01:03:59--> 01:04:11

if you know that it's good for me, in my religion in my life and livelihood and in the ultimate consequence of my affair, ie my afterlife. Do what so Allah,

01:04:12--> 01:04:19

Allah for literally, then decree it for me and make it easy for me. And then blessings

01:04:22--> 01:04:26

and conversely, or life you know that this matter

01:04:27--> 01:04:29

is ill for me.

01:04:30--> 01:04:46

In my religion in my life and livelihood in my former hereafter, then do what Allah show me a sign. Give me dreams for serif one knee was the epiphany and

01:04:48--> 01:04:57

then Allah, turn it away from me and turn me away from it. Work the real hate, hate okay and

01:04:58--> 01:04:59

then decree

01:05:00--> 01:05:05

Good for me wherever else it may be, and then make me content with it.

01:05:06--> 01:05:18

This is the dua of its Takara nothing about ishara signs, indication signals, dreams, colors, feelings, inclination of the heart, nothing

01:05:23--> 01:05:23


01:05:27--> 01:05:37

so if Allah, ultimately the to our office the color is a dua is subject to acceptance and rejection. And like any other dua

01:05:39--> 01:05:40

if it's accepted,

01:05:42--> 01:05:51

there's no guaranteed way of you knowing that it's been accepted. And if it's rejected, there's no guaranteed way of you knowing that it's been rejected like any other door.

01:05:52--> 01:05:54

It's a door it's subject to acceptance or rejection.

01:06:00--> 01:06:02

So if Allah subhanho wa Taala

01:06:06--> 01:06:07

accepts your DUA

01:06:09--> 01:06:10

and Allah knows that this thing is good for you.

01:06:13--> 01:06:14

And Allah decrees it for

01:06:18--> 01:06:33

you without seeing any sign or without seeing any signals or indication, any dreams, you still won't know whether the fact that this is going ahead is because Allah has accepted your DUA obviously.

01:06:36--> 01:06:37

There's no way of knowing

01:06:39--> 01:06:45

so then, what do you do well, this is it. You do it's the Shara you consult the right people.

01:06:47--> 01:07:21

Once they have helped you and guide you to your choice and decision, then you do is the harder you pray to Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah seeking Allah's hate and blessings. And what what do you do once you've sought the last hate and blessings? It's a way of saying, Oh Allah, you know, I do not know and I see power through your strength. While I think I'm seeing strength through your power, and I seek blessing through your knowledge. It's a way of men, him being a woman, saying that will Allah I've done what I can,

01:07:22--> 01:07:24

in my own human way.

01:07:25--> 01:07:29

You beyond that I have no knowledge of the ANC that I'm at.

01:07:31--> 01:07:32

So on Earth

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in terms of making inquiries, finding out things.

01:07:40--> 01:07:43

Making my preparations I've done whatever is required.

01:07:45--> 01:08:02

But because my knowledge is deficient, I have no knowledge of the Unseen despite all of this I still do not know whether this is good or bad for me. So Allah that I leave to you, and I can only beseech you I can only pray to you that in your infinite knowledge

01:08:04--> 01:08:10

I can only ask you though Allah if this is bad for me turning away from if it's good for me then to create and bless it for

01:08:12--> 01:08:24

there's no way of Mellie so you do is to shout or consult people see people's advice sincerely genuinely from the right people with the right credentials. And then you do your it's the harder

01:08:25--> 01:08:27

and then you leave it to ALLAH SubhanA

01:08:29--> 01:08:32

there's no waiting for signs indications

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it's rare that a person's heart can switch from one thing to the other in one night and as I was saying, even I started off by saying about consulting alums it doesn't mean you consult anywhere and in people I've consulted with a man Eve

01:08:52--> 01:08:53

but in what way

01:08:55--> 01:08:56

they've actually told that roll them out

01:09:00--> 01:09:04

this is an issue what do you think I should do so the animals say I'll do is the hara fee

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I'll do is the harder fee.

01:09:11--> 01:09:15

The acronym does the farm. Some of them charge for it as well.

01:09:17--> 01:09:27

And then goes to sleep. Next morning, they actually receive a phone call or make a phone call. And they actually say yes or no.

01:09:29--> 01:09:32

Based on how they feel in which side of the bed they got that off

01:09:34--> 01:09:35

what dreams they had

01:09:39--> 01:09:43

and that someone's totally detached and removed from the situation

01:09:49--> 01:09:51

law Hola. Hola. Hola.

01:09:55--> 01:10:00

I've spoken in general generic terms. I won't reveal any details about anyone that would

01:10:00--> 01:10:12

I help identify anyone but I have dealt with so many cases where people have consoled people have made life changing, far reaching, drastic

01:10:14--> 01:10:18

and extremely damaging decisions based on

01:10:20--> 01:10:24

advice from totally incompetent, unqualified,

01:10:25--> 01:10:27

careless individuals

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who are totally detached and removed, who do not have their best interests and their welfare at heart. And as a result, lives have been destroyed.

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We really need to be careful about how we seek advice, and who we seek it from. I've been talking about mercy her all these weeks, and this is part of the see her and see, seeking good counsel seeking advice is about sincerity.

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Purity, genuineness,

01:11:06--> 01:11:09

wanting the best, wishing the best.

01:11:11--> 01:11:17

That person who gives you advice should be one who

01:11:19--> 01:11:23

tries to follow the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa salam now you may not

01:11:24--> 01:11:31

see him I humbly enough say, one of you does not believe until he desires for his brother that which he designs for himself.

01:11:32--> 01:11:33


01:11:38--> 01:11:40

My humble and sincere appeal

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to everyone

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is that even in the simple task, of seeking advice of confiding in others of consulting others, especially for major life changing decisions, please

01:11:58--> 01:11:59

try to follow

01:12:02--> 01:12:12

this advice gleaned from the verses of the Holy Quran and from the hadith of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that Naseeha should be from an answer

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should be from a true well wish.

01:12:17--> 01:12:19

A sincere individual

01:12:21--> 01:12:24

who wishes the best for you, genuinely

01:12:26--> 01:12:30

tells you the bitter truth, who is transparent.

01:12:33--> 01:12:41

Who is one of knowledge who is one of wisdom who is one of intelligence, one of good sound opinion, all of these has been met that have been mentioned in the Hadith.

01:12:42--> 01:12:44

Someone who truly cares for you,

01:12:45--> 01:12:47

who has wounded and hurt for you Luffy.

01:12:57--> 01:13:01

My humble and sincere appeal is that this is something we should strive to

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gain the c hat from the People of the Sea.

01:13:07--> 01:13:08

Not just from anyone

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I'll end with

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one or two final things.

01:13:18--> 01:13:21

I said that we have to be sincere ourselves.

01:13:24--> 01:13:29

If we want sincerity from the other person, we need to be sincere ourselves.

01:13:31--> 01:13:36

Number two, if we want clarity from the other person, we need to be clear ourselves.

01:13:37--> 01:13:45

If we want clarity from the individual, we need to clear ourselves. So this is part of the etiquette of seeking advice.

01:13:47--> 01:13:48

Which is

01:13:49--> 01:13:51

that if you want to consult

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be mindful of their time of their attention, be grateful for their time and their attention to not waste their time. Be clear, be concise, know what you want.

01:14:07--> 01:14:09

So that they know

01:14:11--> 01:14:12

how to advise you

01:14:14--> 01:14:31

what I mean by know what you want. This isn't contradicts what I said earlier on that if you just want something you don't want to go just for affirmation or validation. What I mean by know what you want is know what you want from this consultation itself.

01:14:32--> 01:14:36

Are you seeking advice? Or are you just venting?

01:14:39--> 01:14:44

Are you just D Are you genuinely seeking a solution?

01:14:45--> 01:14:50

Or do you want to confuse others just as you are confused yourself.

01:14:58--> 01:14:59


01:15:01--> 01:15:08

So many times I deal with cases and this is where I have said before we should apply the three A's

01:15:11--> 01:15:11

a men

01:15:15--> 01:15:17

accept or abandon.

01:15:20--> 01:15:28

In any situation, if you find the situation bothersome, troublesome and palatable, unacceptable

01:15:30--> 01:15:31

or troubling,

01:15:33--> 01:15:37

what do you do? Number one amend change the situation

01:15:42--> 01:15:46

there's no point complaining complaining all the time, change the situation.

01:15:48--> 01:15:52

Try to change the situation if you can change your job.

01:15:55--> 01:16:00

If you can't change it, then move on to the next day which is accepting accept.

01:16:03--> 01:16:04

Just accept it.

01:16:09--> 01:16:20

If for any reason you can't accept it, then harsh as it may sound, the only third option is abandon. You abandon the situation.

01:16:21--> 01:16:22

You walk away

01:16:28--> 01:16:29

let's give the example of a job

01:16:31--> 01:16:34

someone's employed. They hate their employer.

01:16:38--> 01:16:47

So the consult someone and say Should I leave the job or not? Sorry? What should I do? This is a problem I'm having at work.

01:16:49--> 01:16:59

Now they go through an endless list of the problems, office gossip office politics. Does the other person really want to know all of that? It doesn't concern them.

01:17:05--> 01:17:06

All of that is irrelevant.

01:17:10--> 01:17:18

You mentioned some of the main key points I'm having. These are some of the problems I'm having at work major problems. Fine, concise.

01:17:19--> 01:17:25

Key points. Fine. Have you tried to change the situation? No.

01:17:26--> 01:17:27

Well, yeah,

01:17:29--> 01:17:38

I have. Has it worked? Have you been able to change anything? No. Do you think you can change anything? No, fine. But in that case, just accept it?

01:17:39--> 01:17:45

No, I can't I can't carry on like this. Leave the job. No, I don't want to leave the job. What do you want?

01:17:48--> 01:17:49

You're now asking for the impossible.

01:17:53--> 01:18:00

So if you are so unclear yourself, and so confused, how do you expect clarity from the other person?

01:18:03--> 01:18:16

You can't expect the impossible and apply the same to marriage. Common when it comes to marriage, and problems in marriage. Number one, amend amend the situation.

01:18:17--> 01:18:18

I've tried.

01:18:19--> 01:18:26

Nothing's changed. Fine accepted them. Now I can't accept it. Fine, then leave it

01:18:33--> 01:18:34

I can't leave on.

01:18:35--> 01:18:38

Well, you just have to go back to number two, then you have to accept it.

01:18:41--> 01:18:42


01:18:45--> 01:18:58

so often, I have to ask people, what solution do you see? what solution do you see? So we need to be clear ourselves. We can't just treat the most answer meaning the one who has been consulted, we can't treat them Austin's

01:19:02--> 01:19:08

the consultant the person we are confiding in and consulting. We can't treat them as a punching back

01:19:12--> 01:19:15

on whom we are offloading our troubles?

01:19:17--> 01:19:18

We can't

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it's unfair on them.

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So we need to be sincere ourselves

01:19:28--> 01:19:42

and find a sincere person. We need to approach a person of knowledge a person of wisdom a person of intelligence a person of good sound opinion, someone who truly cares for you someone who is sincere

01:19:44--> 01:19:48

and wishes well, and then we need to clear ourselves

01:19:49--> 01:19:51

what we want from that consultation.

01:19:55--> 01:19:59

And there are all the other etiquettes of seeking knowledge that apply to

01:20:00--> 01:20:02

But this is not the time to

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include them but they do apply as well. So all the etiquettes mentioned in the Quran and the Hadith about gaining knowledge about seeking knowledge

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they apply to, obviously if someone's just consulting one's parents or one's older siblings, or elders, then of course, etiquette still apply.

01:20:29--> 01:20:40

I pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala enable us to understand, may Allah make us amongst those who, when we see you can see her do so in the proper manner,

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with the right frame of mind, with the right state of heart. And most importantly, Allah enables us to approach the right people.

01:20:53--> 01:21:09

Those who can guide as an advisors with sincerity, with care, with knowledge with wisdom, with genuineness and through the baraka and the blessing of our own sincerity

01:21:10--> 01:21:28

and their sincerity. May Allah guide us to making productive meaningful, fruitful and blessed decisions. Also Allah masala Mata Abdi will soon in the b&m Muhammad either, he will be here Jemaine Subhanak along Morbihan decrescendo Allah either Hey Lance