Channel: Riad Ouarzazi
I'm pleased to be amongst you here tonight, my brothers and sisters.
And the topic as the brother has presented, in fact, it's such a very interesting topic for me, it's one of my very favorite topics to talk about marriage.
How many of you are married?
It's a it's an honest question.
How many are happy?
So hamdulillah Are you married or happy there's that it does not mean that if you're either married or happy, it just it just a title to own hamdulillah I think he just needed that. The Baraka
okay. hamdulillah. So, are you married or happy?
The thing is, it's, it shouldn't mean that if you're are married, you're not happy.
Is he? It's a, like I said they just shallow to it, maybe just something to trigger some interests and some thoughts.
So, let me show you the, there's
an agenda, I'm going to talk about several things I'm going to talk about the definition of marriage in Islam.
Okay, with talking about
the ingredients on how to improve your relationship with your spouse, inshallah, tada, I'm going to make it so practical, that you have to take some notes, I do not expect you to memorize everything I say tonight. But at least if you take one or two things to try to implement and practice and shout Allahu taala, I'm a winner. You know, we're gonna try to follow everything with today. Today, tonight's presentation is aspirin. And the son of the Prophet Mohammed, it sort of sent him everything I talked about, it's no sooner or of course, you know, experiences of the of people who've been in this business for so many years, the business of marriage. But first, I was talking
about something quite interesting. I read a book, a very interesting book. This book is called why men don't listen.
And why women cannot read maps.
It's a very interesting book. This book explains the psychological differences between men and women. And I wish I had read that book before I got married. Well, Ah, it's so interesting that teaches you the psychological differences, why men act certain ways why women talk certain ways why women act certain way. Yeah, and it's such a very interesting topic. So that's what I'm going to start with inshallah Tada. It's called married or happy Malaysia, that one right there.
I have customized it for you. Because I know Mashallah you Malaysians have such a very soft heart, very kind heart. So I'm going to try to make it so cool and easy for inshallah, to Allah, by inshallah, setting the differences and here we're going to talk about the psychological differences.
Marriage, what's marriage? Is it a word? Is it a sentence? Is it a life sentence?
meant to be a joke? Oh, no, you guys.
The five languages of love. A very interesting concept. Please, if you don't understand me, because sometimes I don't make sense. Just tell me chef please repeat or or please speak Malay and I will try.
The fourth is of marriage.
The ingredients of a successful marriage. I'll give you about 20 points on how to make it such a practical inshallah horchata marriage and some romance tips, some tips on how to be romantic. Don't tell me it's, you know, I'm too old. Yeah. Hey, are you better than lasala? I'm going to take the examples of the providers of Siam. I'm going to waste to say I love you We brothers we have a problem saying it, aren't we? We can't say it. It's just they know we don't have to tell them. But let's have a lot in this verse I used to tell her Isha.
Well, I used to say By Allah, I love you or so ways to say I love you. If you have a problem, we're going to fix it tonight inshallah.
And then that's it in sha Allah who tada sending the differences. So let's talk about the psychological differences. And normally this topic takes or this exercise or this lecture, takes about two to three hours. Sometimes they do it like a half, you know, about four hours half a day. I'm going to try to summarize everything into what
1545 minutes 5035 5050 inshallah
selling the differences.
Here's I'm going to summarize it for you imagine the brain of a man versus the brain of women, okay? The brain of a man and the brain of women, brain, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters are made up of boxes, let's imagine with me were made, these brains are made of boxes. So there is a box called work.
And there is a box called money.
And there is a box called wife, husband. There is a box called children with just bunch of boxes out there, right? For us men and sisters, you need to understand this. For us men, if you want a man to talk about marriage or to talk about work, or to talk about money, he pulls the box that talks about money. He talks about money, and then he puts it back.
If you want him to talk about
work, he pulls a box called work. He talks about it and then he puts it back.
These boxes ladies and gentlemen are not interconnected. Which means that we men are not multitasked generally speaking, we cannot do two things at a time. If you are driving a car brothers, right, and you listen to the radio, and then your phone rings, what will be the first thing you would do
on the radio? Isn't it? Why because we cannot drive and listen to the radio and talk on the phone. We can do that. The sisters Masha Allah, Allah they can.
Not only that, she can talk to you. She can talk to her children. And she can cook and she can watch TV, and she can talk on the phone. And she can do all this at the same time. And she's listening to you talking to your friends.
They are multitasked, Masha, Allah, Allah, Allah has blessed him with this power. You see, this is the thing, these boxes are all interconnected. There are boxes that bring us we are not. You see this brother who was driving me I noticed, you know, I thought maybe just us but even in Malaysia, it works. I had this guy's driving me around. And then I tried to talk to him so many times, he missed the exit the shift, you're talking to me I'm trying to drive, I cannot do two things at a time. You see, we have to understand, you know, we need to understand this is very important. And ladies, this is for you.
We men, we have a very interesting box in our brain. This box is called the empty box.
It's got nothing in it.
And it's our very favorite box. We love it. Our empty box. So sister when you see your husband sitting like this, and they were like
watching TV, like he's not even listening to nothing. He just, he's into his empty box, give him time. He needs it. He needs to be spaced out. And he enjoys it. Sometimes you go I don't know if people go fishing here. Or you can go with your friend fishing. Sometimes when you just go, you know driving, two brothers going driving, they could be going driving like he's driving for two hours without seeing one single word to one another.
And they're fine. They're really fine. If women they were to look at us, you see, they're fighting. They have a problem. We have no problem with Okay, sometimes we can do that for them. They can smash, they have to, in fact to see one bunch of sisters together, they sit in the talking and she's talking and you're talking about it. And then she can be talking to her. And also No, that's all right. She's talking here. And as he's listening to how they are.
We have to understand the psychological differences.
Men or women and women are very much different in so many ways. Women, like I said they can be multitask versus
men who cannot.
Women, they talk to their issues. women talk through that issues, men, in fact,
they are more of task oriented. They're less talkative than women. Men focus on one thing at a time. When I do something, there's one set one lady, she says whenever
she wants something from her husband, and then she wants to like her husband didn't want to give her what she wanted or and then she just wants to hurt him. What does she do? She was after her husband. He's like doing some work like she's taking the screw and the trash.
to nail it, and then she goes as she talks to him, he hits himself. Because he cannot do that and then listen to her. Well, when her husband starts shaving mela, forget to some people who say, I think she goes and she talks to him and her husband cuts himself. Why? Because he cannot shave and listen to her at the same time. Understand, men focus on one thing at a time, women, they mature much faster than men. It's, it's it's scientifically proven
women Mashallah subotica, they mature much faster than men. You know, you have a daughter, anybody wants a daughter here a baby like a daughter, she got one was, how old was she? Once you start talking?
Two and a half, two and a half normally, like one, two and a half to three, they start talking boys,
maybe five years old, and he's still you know, and then you find Mashallah pelicula, a 1516 year old girl, she acts like,
like, alpha, you know, versus a 17 year old boy, he's still playing with his nose is still doing some weird stuff. He still is not magic. You see, men, women, they tend to mature much faster than men sign women, they tend to communicate more effectively effectively than men.
So these are some of the importancy some of the psychological differences that we need to understand with regard to the language. It's been said that there is this site in the brain that is responsible for the language, it is tend to be larger in that of women versus that of men. There is this side of the brain that is responsible for language, it tends to be larger in the brain of women versus men of men. No wonder why Mashallah our sisters, women, they like to talk.
Men with regard to the same mathematical abilities, there is a side of the brain responsible about mathematical abilities, it tends to be larger for men than that of women. That's why men they they perform better in terms of mathematical abilities than women scientifically proven.
So we need to understand, like I said, these differences between literal and very, since a sister may tell her sister, can you come with me where I'm going to the washroom?
And then they go to the washroom, not to the side, they just go and talk?
or slow for them, or the restroom for them? Is that a lounge?
They just go and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, I cannot tell you, buddy, what Come with me Where you going, I'm going to the toilet Come with me. Women don't do that.
We don't act like that. So you know, you have to understand these little things. If you understand this, then you will understand why sometimes your wife or your husband acts differently. why sometimes especially you have to understand brothers, you know, when they are going through the the emotional change, especially during the labor or especially during also the menses, they act differently. Why because of the hormone changes, you've got to understand that that's why Allah says I know what the other so much so that he told him he he in fact, he made it obligatory. You don't pray when you go into those menses you don't you don't you don't pray, why David how long to pray so
much. So you have to understand why Why does she act differently all of a sudden, we had because of this hormone changes, this lot of chemistry out there that we have to understand, so that we can build this foundation and then we can move forward. But we have to understand this this foundation, you know, the the which is the psychological differences. With that being said Ladies and gentlemen, what is the definition of marriage it and Islam
it's very interesting.
Allison subhanho wa Taala
you may not see this
describes marriage in a very interesting way.
If you look at the
inside the home is number 21. Allah subhanho wa Taala says women area tea woman area tea and Haleakala come in and physically as Raja Lita schooner, ilaha anabaena Kumar, and amongst his signs
and amongst his signs is that he had put amongst you or he has traded amongst you, you'll meet a woman as he and her color come in and fussy come, as well a woman at a yacht, and amongst his signs is that he had created amongst your mates, so that you may dwell in tranquility, it is schooner LA. He is second Ola who was second, second, dwelling on to one another, which I live in Houma.
And then he has put amongst them love
Allah and mercy.
Why? Allah subhanho wa Taala mentioned See here, he mentioned his love. And then he mentioned his mercy. Why didn't he mentioned mercy and the love? First he says more than that, he says, like my why even the Arabs, those who speak Arabic The man understands. But it's so interesting
to see first when you first you know, maybe remember a long time ago, FEMA may be painful to you, but don't mind me. And I'm gonna remind you 2030 years ago when you got married, is that how long ago?
Remember when you're married first, you know, you've had that intense love. Maybe you talk on the phone for hours, remember, remember? And then and then you would go and before even the marriage, you will talk and talk you sleep on the phone. And then you go to work and then you call on the phone, isn't it? You call it 3456 times. But what happened after the first week of marriage the first month of marriage the first what happened to that phone calls? What happened to that love?
She was saying he used to call me almost 10 times a day when we first got married a month two months later. I don't hear from him no more. He only calls me to say okay, what's for dinner tonight?
What happened? You know is is that mean that there's no more love law that love has matured has matured to something deeper and stronger. That's why Allah subhanho wa Taala says my word
love and mercy
comes mercy after that he describes it in a such a very beautiful way What I mean is he they these brothers and sisters give me a
I want to show you understand this understand because you read it so many times but I don't I want you to pay attention to these particular you know, in superhome and number 21 Allah subhana wa tada says okay well I mean he he I mean he he all of these this is an and and all these
are these are yet these are yet is the connector the
connector oh no Can I step on the Quran?
No. I can do that for any something to be venerated to be respected. You take it you have to be in although you put it in the highest level in your in your in your place. You don't play it on the ground. Do you play it on the ground? No. Why? Because it's as she is.
Allah says woman is he and ammachi science is that he had created amongst you and Haleakala common and physical as well.
Just like you the spectacle and the respect that you have to respect your life.
You disagree? It's not me. It's allow says that.
It's Alo said that in the woman is he gonna come in Africa. And then he mentions or describes her or describes this bondage. He gives it another name, he says, and to whom the second.
The second to one another second second is a dual elitist school No, either you're doing in second. From house, we help each other. We help one another. And to me the best.
The best, the best one is the best. The best is government. We are government onto one another. Allah subhanaw taala says, You know what our governments were the best for one another. What are the characteristics of a garment? One of the characteristic of a garment is that the garment it protects you.
In Britishers you It makes you beautiful, it covers you gives you comfort, likewise, we make we conflict one another we protect one another we punish one another
is the second Leber's this outcome how to let come to health outcome and national health in Arabic means that tilt, the our health, you see all these Beautiful Names of Allah subhanho wa Taala uses in the end to describe this bondage between a man and a woman.
five languages of love, love. What's love, help? What is hope?
It says it made up of two words. two letters have a
be quiet. She's talking talking. She's complaining complaining. You just whatever you say.
You need that sometimes help love the five languages of love, sometimes also something so interesting.
And you need to understand this.
People may give and receive love in very different ways.
People may give and receive love in several ways and different ways. For instance,
these five languages of love, you have something called words of affirmation. For me, sometimes that's a way for me to know that you love me. If when you speak good to me. words of affirmation, you talk to me, you tell me about you know how beautiful I look. This is how I know that she loves me words of affirmation, you need to understand your spouse's love language, so that you can have a rapport with him or her, maybe your husband, maybe your spouse, understand.
Another love language called receiving gifts.
The more gifts you give me, the more I know that you love me, there's some people who are like that receiving gifts, there is another love language called quality of time, the more time you spend with me, that's how that's the indication for me that you love me.
Or acts of service. Like when you wash the dishes for me, it really shows me that you love me, or when you take the garbage out, that tells me that you love me acts of services, or physical touch. When you hug me when you touch me what this is a signal a sign for me that you love me. So these are five languages of love. I talk about this in detail. Like I said in my lecture about about this, how to re energize your marriage, I thought deeply about these five languages. And then they have a test. A test really like with questionnaires to identify what's your love language, you need to know what's your love language so that you can speak or that you can tell your wife how to speak to you.
Or maybe you can understand how your wife acts and then you can understand how you speak to her or whatnot. The five love of five languages of love
the four A's of marriage brothers, I'm going to ask you a question.
What do women want of marriage?
I want somebody who's been married for like 60 years.
And I don't think even that person would be able to tell me
what do we really women want of marriage? What do they want?
Love? Okay, other than love security? Security? Okay. That's it. Love security. What else?
Okay, sisters you tell me
every woman wants attention. Every woman wants affection. Every woman wants appreciation. Every woman wants acceptance sisters I'm right or wrong if I'm wrong tell me there's nothing wrong is what you think
if the woman shift if the woman will they want attention.
ticket you know, you've been outside for I don't know 12 hours Allah knows. And she's been doing that that job that you and I cannot do. Can you take care of your children for one hour? I challenge you two hours Can you can you really take care of you can you babysit for two hours? I tried doing that as soon as my wife I kept on calling help her Please come back. I do anything for you just come back. But we are made to go and work outside and do things outside. That's what we made. We make do not to go and do something so hard. But the job inside for the children or whatnot. So Pamela see this is the differences.
So understand when you're out there talking and then you come back home. She needs time. She needs attention and affection.
Happy Betty my love. Oh, would you say that in Mali?
Saya saya Habibi, Habib, my saya my however you want to say?
It's okay. You know?
And for men.
The same thing saya Messiah.
appreciation. This is Aquila hair. Thank you. You know appreciation. I will talk more about this. And acceptance. She wants you to accept her for what she is known for what she has.
accept me for who I am.
Maybe she used to have a teddy bear before she married you. As she used to love that teddy bear. She used to sleep with her. She left her teddy bear at
homeownership came to you with a chip on the reader you
so she needs attention affection, appreciation acceptance.
So now inshallah tada I'm going to share with you those practical elements quickly inshallah, on how to improve your, your, your life with your spouse, indeed, and this is for both for both husbands and wives.
Number one, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to improve your relationship with your spouse, you need something called sub. Oh, yes. Something called patience. Understood. Patience suffer. It may be for me, I'm a marriage officer.
I'm a counselor, I'm licensed to handle the law. And I go and I see people they come to me sometimes for counseling. And, and I've noticed with my experience in this field, the highest rate of divorce tend to happen within the first year or two years of marriage. Why? Oftentimes, lack of patience.
One sister came to me she says she wants to divorce her husband, wife, sister, she's my husband snores
Well, last snores, said so what's wrong with that? says, No, no, no, no, I can I don't take that sister have some sub Have some patience in shallow talent. Maybe we'll get used to his his snoring, it puts you to sleep.
Maybe you will love his story. Maybe someday, you know, when you get used to it, say Honey, please snore. I love it.
Patience. It's so important specially within the first year of marriage. Subbu Subbu Subbu. I mean, I've seen and I've heard so much, you know, and I can tell you and, and flood you with with, with the
stories but maybe that's in some of the time in shallow time because of lack of time.
Actually exchanging gifts.
exchanging gifts, the prophet alayhi salatu was Salam says in his head of the border, by the way, as a student, the heritage sound, to have to have boo to her though, to have boo in Arabic to handle from heavy, heavy and Arabic means a gift a present, to have though, to have both exchange gifts amongst one another. It will increase love amongst you
to handle heavier, you know, from time to time, it's alright. You know, it's okay. But don't do like this brother who did this to his wife. Very bad. He went and he bought some flowers. He took the flowers to his wife and they just oh, this is nice. You thought about me? He says yeah, they were on sale.
He just don't do that. They will all say that to her though headier from time to time. But ladies, brothers and sisters, what is worth that gift that you may present her or the might you give her if all she sees from you is bad treatment,
bad treatment, curse.
Swear what he had to be beaten and whatnot. And then you come in and give it hadiya what like she does not need that idea. She needs you good manners. And he needs your good good manners as well. So from time to time as the Prophet it certainly is to do to have to have books that will inshallah how to how to improve your relationship with your spouse. allocate time to sit with one another is extremely important. I know you're busy. I know we are all busy. But we have to allocate time to sit and talk to one another. Make time for each other, to talk about our issues, to talk about things just to see how you're doing. Just very simple things.
Warm greetings, like the Prophet alayhi salatu salam used to do whenever he used to come home as salam aleikum k for halochem the Prophet as a slum whenever he goes to come home is to tell his wives
In although I don't know about money, but you know, how are you you can say it in English. You could say the money and you can sit in any language but uh, Salam aleikum and amagno have used to say for either send them to a smear,
smear when you see Santa let them heal center because sometimes the husbands are sometimes you know, they just want to have a fight. So he comes home and he just says to the man they come she doesn't hear anything that then he goes to her. Why didn't you?
I didn't hear you know, I said, Sir, I didn't hear you. Oh, no. Yeah. And then they start a fight for no reason what no reason for either send them to SMU and brothers brothers brothers. This is for the brothers. All right. It is nice. It is nice.
If you can couple those greetings to send them with some hugs.
With some touches, psychologically proven, they said not me. The scientists, the people who are experts in this field, they say, for a woman to feel secure. She's got to be touched 30 times a day.
I didn't say that one line. They say that 30 I don't know why 30 Why not? 29 not 30 Don't do like I did one time I said, Okay, here it is. My wife comes back 1234 530 lalala she's, she's, she's cooking, for instance, she's cooking, and then you come mid coma. You know, here's a touch right there. You know, Sarah, come on, and then she's working and then you come masala. How are you?
It's okay. I mean,
it's just an example, you know.
I don't know. I mean, it's, it's also son of the Prophet. So
you know how he passed away is obviously about Salalah my profit and you profit. You know how he died.
He died in the lap of Asia.
And she was carrying him at his
she's playing she used to come it sort of sit up and lean on her lap. And she is in fact having her menses.
She's having her menses and used to go and lean on her and he used to go into the sack.
The Prophet talisa to say
Warm greetings Salaam Alaikum.
Pay for Heroku
praising each other.
is another thing sha Allah that will help you increase love amongst you.
Praise Masha Allah, Allah you did this Allahu Akbar Mashallah You look great masala This is amazing. She cooks something for you. You don't like it? Mashallah, it's good. Very nice, Masha, just praise one another your husband once Mashallah you've been working out how do you know I can see your muscles masala
sushi you're lifting him up? Yeah, he's trying right he's trying and then you maybe you can say something like you know I like your belly masala is you know my Muslim brothers have this big belly, you know, your I like your belly and he barely I can use it to put my jug on it. masala, something like that. You know, have fun in your marriage is you cannot tell me I'm too old chef, maybe my children
Praising each other in sha Allah, Allah, Allah will also improve love amongst you not to compare one another. Don't compare your wife or your husband to his friend or to his brother. Don't compare your life to your mother. You listen, do not copy. My mother cooks like Oh, she doesn't cook like that my mother does it like this. My mother spent like this My mother like oh, this is not how you do it. My mother does it differently. I did not marry your mother I married you.
You see this is 3d you have to understand some men they do this unfortunately. So and then she comes in also she compares maybe you to your brother or your friend you know, look the way your friend talks to his wife, Mashallah. The way he treated is very bad. We don't like that. A man doesn't like that. And also woman does not like that. So don't compare each other to one another, you know, to different people. You know, Henry loveless, apparently that has blessed you with a spouse or piggybacks off by a boon lift by Allah who provide you inshallah bless you. Thank you, aka Allah subhanaw taala would bless you with somebody who's pipe Aqua Ivana at bats. What hobbies hobbies,
hobbies, something evil, those who are bad will afflict somebody who's bad as well on them and
then print each other. Helping each other masala cherishing one another helping one another. Yeah, Annie. This is all from the Sunnah of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam pampering each other may be you know, she wears something nice, Masha Allah that looks so beautiful on you. Your husband put some effort Mashallah It smells you know, it's not the apple who smells you put the smell on the bottom?
Something be creative, I don't know. Be creative, you know, speak nice and and you know and pamper each other in Sharla to add
to your your, you know, more secrets about each other than your own parents about you know, so this is Halloween, love. Halloween, you know, I call it Halloween magic. handleset said is hard on me.
This one is Helen, when she comes to the wife and she tries to pamper, like the Prophet it sort of ceremony says when you marry you know, to let a Buddha to let a book marry so that you can play with her she plays with you. You have you laugh with her she laughs with you, you know, this is what life is all about reading. How long are you going to live? 6070 years. See if you have fun with it, you know, enjoy yourself.
Okay, participate in the chores at home and brothers they think they are the ministers of Finance. The only thing that they have to take care of is pay the bills, but Rasul Allah, Allah sallallahu wasallam as reported by Buhari when, as you she says, kind of the Hitman de la fille beat in his home, he was in the service of his wife and his Salatu was set up when he goes home. He helps he does things so participate together in the chores at home. You know people eat burgers, do you know how to cook? No.
Yes, no. No
it's okay cook Yeah, even if an egg cook an egg whatever you know, but participate clean the dishes do anything
we don't need don't have snow Hill. hamdulillah we have snow there shovel the snow for your wife. Some people to cry go shovel the snow for me. Can you imagine how they will
try to help with each other that's from the Sunnah of Rasulullah Wilma he
kind words kind words. He has Kalamata Eva sadhaka as the Prophet Elisa to slim, beautiful word. sadaqa it's charity. It's a form of worship. A smile in the face of your of your of your spouse is sort of
just like you're doing. You're doing. You're doing
a smile in the face of your spouse is sadhaka it's worship. Kelly mcpa
speak good. Or be quiet as the Prophet Elisa to circumstance man can you
say good sisters say good speak good old Be quiet.
Be careful. So kind words sadhaka
this woman she's Arab woman you know her husband is a farmer. And he came home one day he was so sad. And then she tried to comfort him she tried to speak good to him. What's wrong honey? Habibi. You know what's wrong? He says my donkey passed away.
He's a farmer. says my donkey. And he was so sad because he loves the donkey.
Oh, happy beats okay, it's okay. You are better than 100 donkeys.
She tried to comfort him she just spoiled it.
You say something good sister or Be quiet. Brother. Same thing for you say good or Be quiet. Say something nice Kalamata Eva sadaqa sadaqa charity inshallah. hota.
Peaceful gathering is so important. It's extremely important, peaceful gathering. Once a day, also, bring your family together, your spouse, your children, bring them together, shut off your phones, shut off the TV, radio, nothing and just just spend quality time with your family, talking about issues, doing stuff, consulting with each other. Talking to your son to your daughter Do you want it's a family gathering? It's amazing. Try it I challenge you will like try it. Just five minutes, seven minutes. 10 minutes at the most you can say what had it one hour from the end. You know, today my son would prefer it tomorrow I will prepare an IRA and then we discuss it and then you saw and so
forth. You bring in a squatty potty in the interest of your home's
one sister called me on the phone. She says I hear noises in my home voices. I said what do you mean? She says I think I have jinn in my home. I said okay, sister, can you describe your home to me? Do you have pictures in your home? She says yes I have pictures. TV says yes we got TV. You listen to music in your home she says music yes it's okay tell us excuse a sister. You pray she says yes my father does.
Sister you put a job and then she kept quiet.
I said I think he the copy the genius in your home. Not only one in this our homes, what are the angels? What are the angels because you know they just cannot come to a home with by went by the name of Allah has not been mentioned. So how can we invite our angels home teach your kids teach your spouse your husband you come in Santa Maria come before you close the door Bismillah r then you come you sit you know together you want to eat Bismillah
Invite an interest to your home. Maybe one halaqa only takes them like I said five seven minutes strike for one month I challenge you all one month tries one law he will see wonder the new homes
guaranteed in Sharla hotel.
Show your support,
especially your brothers to your sister to your to your wives, show your support. Like I said, she does everything that she come to you. She lives with you now, right? So you've got to be the brother, you've got to be the husband. You've got to be the father. You've got to be the son. You've got to be the friend. You've got to play all these roles Mashallah. I know it's it's hard, isn't it? But she wants you as a husband. And she also wants you as a as a father. She also wants you as a as a son from time to time because she wants to pamper you.
The sisters, we men were like kids do you know
we also like to be pampered. Don't worry. No. When does your husband he acts like he's just playing games. He likes to be pampered.
I'm telling you, okay, I'm guaranteed. He likes to be just be good to him Charlotte and he will call down.
So show your support
for one another.
Break the routine. What does that mean? Break the routine everyday the same thing. You come home ceremony come for the reading for this ready, you eat, you go to sleep.
You wake up in the morning, you press enter and you go to work. You come back say welcome Sam food for the TK TK TK s go back.
Oh, man, it's no fun.
But it bilotti from time to time, supplies your wife from time to time. So praise your husband.
I normally ask questions. I go around, they ask questions. You know, like I asked the sisters or the brothers. How do you want your wife to surprise you?
Or how do you want your husband to surprise you?
What sister she says
I want him to surprise me by calling me at home one day he says and he would say backup your bags.
I said oh you want me to go home? Yeah, and he will back up but he says no no pack up your bags we're going for
How do you want your wife to surprise you?
know, you don't want to talk about it.
One brother told me
to cook a good meal for me
to just cook a good meal for me. That's how I
break the routine. It's okay to write some notes love notes that
it's okay share from time to time. masala, you look through the folder, she opens the letter, she has a purse, she opens a present she finds a letter she picks up the letter who's writing the letter, um, you know what's going on. And then she finds it that she opens and then Mashallah flowers, hearts and roses and chocolate and, and then and then a small message from her husband. I just want to say how much I love you and how much I care about you. So he told me to like make some spice up your life's
I don't know maybe Malaysia
Be honest with one another. It's so important sisters, brothers, you've got to be honest with one another. You've got a problem. you discuss it. But Ladies and gentlemen, not in front of your kids.
Never Never if you have any conflict, you want to talk about it not in front of your children. You go somewhere and then you talk to your wife alone so that your kids don't see this conflict happening and they grow up with this complex.
With this sickness, lack of self esteem, seeing the parents fighting all the time.
So be honest, you've got a feeling tell her tell him Well, he I'm sorry. I want to tell you, I I have an issue. But the way you spoke to me to the front of my front of my dad or the front of my children. Oh, I didn't mean it. I didn't. Oh, I just felt that you know, I'm just telling you how I feel. Be honest with each other.
Beautiful Names, use Beautiful Names called her calling him with the Most Beautiful Names Sunda from the prophet Isaiah, Sarah. The professor needs to call his wife. Yeah, is to pamper her. Yeah, I use yahama hamara Blondie with red chicks. She didn't have red cheeks but he used to fuck for her. Yeah, I use Yeah, it's beautiful names. So if your wife she wants to be called, Oh honey, Coco, honey, cream cheese, cocoa cream cheese, whatever she wants to be called. If he wants to be called. You are the boss call him a boss. Whatever just called her its own finance.
I'm Alan outliner, use these beautiful names. What do you say you say that in your language or no?
names like nicknames or
don't talk about your problems a term of going to bed sisters, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you this is mostly for you. Don't talk about your problems at the time of going to bed. As soon as we go to sleep I'm about you know, to try to relax and then she's got a bunch of bills and problems and she you know, what did your husband miskeen he wants to relax, he's not going to sleep. After you tell him all the problems. If you go home, you know, in your bed, inshallah chat in your bedroom, try to make it such a very pleasant evening. So don't talk about your problems or any problems at the time of going to bed. Take each other. It's okay, it's about here. Thank you for doing this.
Thank you for doing that. You take each other she thanks to you thinker in sha Allah, Who tada that's, in fact, something that would allow you to either improve love amongst you apologize at the time of making mistakes, if you make a mistake. You don't there's nothing wrong about saying I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. You know, in this Muslim country, while lights a true story in this Muslim country, there was this man who oppress his wife. He really oppressed her as she started crying, all of a sudden, who came to visit them, her parents, some holiday came to visit her. She went to open the door. She was crying. And then the father says, okay, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Did he
do anything to you?
But she was so smart. She says, No, I just, I was thinking about your I missed you. And I started crying.
Her husband heard that.
She went she cooked she brought and she sat down just like nothing happened. And her husband is what you know, is witnessing and watching and in on seeing this. And then he felt so bad. He went out he bought a very beautiful gift. He came back and he said, I am really sorry. You taught me one of the best lessons ever. But I'm sorry. Really. I apologize. And he gave her that present.
Apologize. If you make a mistake, do apologize.
I'm almost done. respect one another.
respect one another. A marriage without respect means not entirely needs it will destroy the marriage. So you've got to respect one another show respect to one another. Pray fast play together. Like the Prophet actually needs to do with Alisha. They used to run together. He used to raise her Don't tell me I'm too old. He was the racer. And he used to have fun with her. They used to take back from the same the same tub will lie go to Buhari go to karate my brothers go to Muslim you will find it all there. They used to take that from the same visa from the same back and you know what, let me tell you more the Prophet you should take some water and and he was
pushing back just like pillow fights and the way they will play with water together. him and his wife Mike My home is closed. Whenever I go home I close my door. So you would you when you go home, you close your door because that's your privacy. It's your home, but the profits home is always open. This is how we learn these things
to the habit of Asia and others you know, we learn how the Prophet used to treat his wife You know, inside and out.
So play fast, fast together, pray together do pmln together. You wake her up the Prophet Elisa to seminary. He says that Allah subhanho wa Taala smiles
in the La Jolla
you know he smiles he smiles in a way that befits His Majesty do not compare or or resemble him to you. How does he smile You cannot say that is how he says Allah smiles. He smiles in a way that befits His Majesty's tapana but he does smile. So affirm that Allah
He smiles. Allah the pronunciation says that Allah smile, have a wife, a spouse who wakes up her husband in the middle of the night. She wakes him up to pray with her and then if he doesn't want to wake up, she takes some water
and then she splash it on him. Wake up Have you wake up let's go pray together.
It makes Allah subhanho wa Taala smile.
When was the last time you put pm live with your wife?
Ah, a tough one. Isn't it?
too old for that.
Don't keep looking for each other's mistakes. It will destroy your marriage
as the Prophet Allah Satish Lim says
maybe you might not like something but she's got so many other things that you that you will like and love and so and and vice versa as well. Don't pick on just each other's this scrutinize for no mistakes that she commits or that you commit to or whatnot.
Give your spice timeout.
You know, timeout that you give to your kids. Give it to your wife, because you're the man.
What I mean is sometimes she needs that time out by herself. Take the kids go and give her that time by herself to recharge. She really needs to
do be stubborn. Don't be stubborn. That is the destroyer brothers and sisters, ladies and gentlemen, do not be stubborn.
And that's what Satan was. And this is the last thing in sha Allah to Allah Do not be stubborn. That is the this is in fact the destroyer of marriage, because that's what the shaitan wants inheritance. I am Muslim, when the shaman comes and he sits with the other Sharpie, and they give him the reports. So one shavon says to the muscle shape on he says I made one men commit Zina and under says I made this woman you know, remove a T shirt. Another one says I made this man you know drink alcohol so he listens to them. And then one shirt on comes on. He says, I made this man and woman separate.
And then the big shirt on caused him he says enter, enter, enter and you you you you come come and he makes him sit next to him.
this man, this man is the most beloved man in the for the big cipher. Some the guy, the man, the shaitan, who separates between and this is how it is just for an argument of nonsense. And then he goes to you whisper saying you know your demand, you have to have the last word. And then he goes to her and then he whispered, tell him if he's admitted into divorce. You can divorce me if you're the man. And then he goes into he and he starts whispering
Don't be stubborn. The Prophet Allah Sato stem says in this very beautiful Hadith.
Very beautiful. reported also by a student very classified a strong authentic hadith sound Hadith. The Prophet Allah southcentral the Sahaba one day, don't you want me to tell you about a woman from Jenna sisters? Listen up to this one. Don't you want me to tell you about a woman from Jenna?
The Prophet said to the Sahaba Do you want me to tell you about the woman from Shannon the Sahaba said yes. Tell us about a woman from Jenna. The Prophet says it is a woman whose husband has oppressed
in LA Vela has
a woman whose husband has oppressed. And then before she goes to sleep, she reaches out with her hand to him and then she says, I will not go to sleep tonight until you are pleased with me.
That woman is from gender.
Why? Because it's not easy. You are the problem maker. You're the one who oppressed her yet. She steps on her on her desires on her back on the back of the shaitan to come to you and she touches you and she reaches out and then she says shake my hand. Let's have this. Let's recall CDA. I will not go to sleep tonight. Unless you please do with me. You see that a woman is from gender. She's not stubborn. So do not be stubborn. It will really destroy your marriage. And ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters. Last but not least, ponder, contemplate the Sunnah of the Prophet Mohammed Ali salatu salam really contemplate the Sunnah of Rasulullah le Salatu was Salam how he used to treat
his wife one time, as in this reported in the Sierra, the seal of the Shan and in the hadith of Muslim when, when the Prophet I was asked them, you know how she came to him, and she told him jasola tilby Tell me about the time when you had the most difficult hardship, the most difficult hardship. And then he told her it is a time when I went to a bar if that's the time when I went to a bar, and then the people these two rocks at me and the kids, they will come in and running after me throwing things at me. So he was telling me about the toys. As he was telling you the story of a pipe and the profits to that he went and he got a cup of milk. And then he came to her and he says
hi Shep is drink. And he says Yes. Are you drink first?
And then he says no, I'd like you to drink first. So she drank from the cup of MC and then he takes he took the water that cup and then he turned it from the same spot where she drank from, and then she drank. He drank from it too. He put some meat he says that Asia please have a bite. And then she had a bite. And then he took the piece of meat from the same spot where she had that bite and then he had a bite to it. So that was Sarah.
He went out one night to take care of his needs.
He came back she locked the doors. She said no. It's my night. I won't let you in. Why did you go see her? When he's with his other wife? He says Yeah, sure. Well, I didn't go see nobody. I just went to take it off.
She's a woman. She has this really in her. It's fine. It's fine. This is how they are. So she came in she loved
So Lola, yeah. You see, she's a woman. And the Prophet is known to her. So don't misunderstand me What led us I didn't do that. I did not go see but I know tonight, I'm going to give it to you. I just went to, I went to the toilet. This is what I went. I just went to take it off. Maybe that's what
you see. So contemplate the seeder of the Prophet Mohammed Ali Sato slim. You will learn so much in sha Allah hota on how to treat one another. May Allah Subhana Allah Allah bless you all. So I know maybe tonight maybe tomorrow morning, all the flower shops will be Mashallah you will have all these that. The Prophet Allah Sufism says in Bukhari Muslim, the most beloved deeds in the sight of Allah, those these that have continuous, I have a man Illallah Abdullah Mohammed, one of the most beloved deeds in the sight of Allah, those deeds that are continuous, even if they are minor, even if they are trivial, but continuous. Don't give her the flower tonight, and then she wants you to flower
until the next 10 years. Don't do that from time to time, you know, treat each other in childhood to cherish one another, temper each other try to contemplate the seed of the Prophet as I see them in Sharla
Neela you don't want your spouse to be your spouse or your husband or your wife in this dunya but you want her to be the wife were also in in Jana in gender you tell her when you go to sleep, sister, do you tell you the wife? Do you tell you the husband? Do you tell him a Salaam Alaikum I might not see you tonight or I may not see you when I wake up when you wake up tomorrow I may die. But I want you in shallow data to be my husband in general. Please forgive me. Let's forgive each other before we go to sleep
is a common thank you so much for your time but a coffee come May Allah bless you and bless your kids and bless this gathering. And I want to extend my tank to those brothers who are responsible who have made this possible his own locker for your time. Thank you so much was said Mr. De Kumamoto.