Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
Series: Nouman Ali Khan - Surah Yusuf
Surah Yusuf Part 23b_ The Sanctity of Marriage
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Sir Mr. Ricardo RO Billahi min ash shaytani r Rajim wha wha that will let he who FEBC Heron FC he wahana cotton Abu Baba Khalid hain Teluk Kala de la he in Robbie, son ms. Why? In a hula hoop volley moon, rubbish? Silly Emily Nakata melissani Kali hamdulillah salat wa salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was a PHP my bad once again everybody salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. I realized the subject matter is still difficult. And inshallah we have to talk about some things that are with only an only one intention for myself and all of you, we come before the book of Allah slaves. And we want to get from it that that which will help us avoid the traps of shaitaan. And sometimes we do
have to talk about some difficult things. So I do apologize if some of this becomes difficult for consumption, but I will do my best to, you know, keep the language as dignified as possible. And to deal with the subject delicately, I do recognize that. The thing I wanted to start off with today is we're not done with item number 23. And an item number 23, you've got two parts, you've got a part that depicts the minister's wife. And you've got the other part that depicts use of Elisa Lam. And from a social point of view, you've got basically two human beings. In two different social situations, you've got a married woman who wants to do wrong, and you've got an unmarried man
fighting against doing anything wrong, right. And that's important to note, because this is a last wave of teaching us this fitness, the fitness of zinna, the fitness of shamelessness, the fitness of you know the trial of being drawn to do something wrong, it doesn't just affect the unmarried who if they just if they got married, they'd be safe and nothing wrong would ever happen. This can affect the married or the unmarried. And it may not be them doing the wrong thing like Yusuf Ali Salaam is doing nothing wrong. It may be that you're not doing anything wrong, but you're sucked or you're being pulled into something against your will or against your intention you intended nothing wrong,
but you find yourself in a fitness situation that can happen to so both of those things that marriage alone doesn't make you safe. Or just having the label that you're married doesn't make you safe. And even if you are protecting yourself and doing the right thing and, you know, mindful of Allah azza wa jal doesn't mean that you will never find yourself in a testing situation like Yusuf Ali Salam did, right. So the both of those lessons are important for us to recognize. The next is that a large, I was contemplating the words used to describe this woman in this ayah and lady who have HIV at her the one in whose house she was, even though clearly she's the minister's wife, you
know, limit it, he, his wife said to him, but it's as if when she's acting in this way, she doesn't deserve the label wife. Like, she wasn't even she just, that's the house that she's in, and he's in that house in her house. But the label of spouse or wife has been kind of taken away from her because she's not acting in spirit of that label. So it's, she didn't even deserve that term in a sense, which is because he's violating it's so grossly, what I wanted to do today, to start off with is actually complete yesterday's discussion from a very different point of view. And I want to start at the very fundamentals and basics. Some of you might feel that this has nothing to do with the
subject matter at hand, I actually strongly believe that it does. And it's a good opportunity for me to remind myself in all of you to remind yourselves, of what it is what it is that Allah has given us in the gift of marriage that he's revealed. The first relationship between human beings, we for our lives, the first relationship was our parents. But the first relationship that Allah created for humanity was not a parent and a child. The first relationship was spouses, Adam alayhis salam and our mother, Adam and hawala him a serum. So it's actually the starting point of all of humanity alive decided that the way human beings will interact with each other, the foundation of it is going
to be marriage. Now, marriage has three dimensions. And I'll get to that maybe a little bit later in today's discussion. But for now, what I want to talk about is the first dimension, again, I'm saying there are three dimensions, but I want to talk about the first dimension. The first dimension is that marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman. And Allah describes that He created us for the, you know, the way He created us, for example, with physical needs, He created us with hunger and thirst, He created us with a with this skin that has its own needs, it needs a certain level of moisture, it needs a certain kind of temperature to survive, right, He created you know, a body
organs inside of us and you know, elements inside of us that need certain kinds of nutrition. So there are human beings are dependent on things like proteins, for example, or carbohydrates or water or so for nutrition. We have certain needs for you know, hydration, we have certain needs for oxygenation. We need the oxygen in the air. We have certain
needs right? bacteria as part of our needs that are inside of our body. Antibiotics are part of our needs. We have all these needs physically the way Allah designed us. And in one way that he describes us, he says, and Haleakala calm, min unfussy calm as virgin liters, Kuru Hill, la ha, in other places wahala kanakam as Rajan, He created you. in pairs. It also suggests he created you meant to not be alone, you were designed to actually be in pairs to find a spouse that's, generally speaking, some people never get married. And all of that we're not talking about in general, or in the larger sense, but in it overwhelmingly, Allah describes the creation of the human being as
someone who finds wholeness in being married. The story of Adam alayhis salaam, also is Adam alayhis salam was placed in Geneva. And what we know about gender is you get anything you want, and yet he asks for a spouse. Right, because the way human beings are designed, they feel incomplete without that, when Allah describes gender in the Quran, he talks about the spouse nayaka to almazan, like rubies and pearls and you know, they're going to have these beautiful qualities etc. Why is he going on and on about the spouses in general because human beings have feel a feel a loneliness, he put that inside of us, and that's actually inside even the Arabic word insaan owns, which is compassion
and love for someone and longing for someone. Because on our own we feel not as complete loneliness is a very difficult thing you can you can live with loneliness, but you'll certainly feel like something is missing. Now. How does it lead describe marriage itself? I mean, marriage has existed before the coming of the Quran. A pretty pretty much any religion in the world has marriage, any society in the world has the institution of marriage. It's even a legal governmental institution now if people get legally married, sir. So it's a tax device. Now, also, what I'm talking about, from the parents point of view, how does the law describe the purpose of marriage? So one, one thing he
says is he does schooling Elijah, he says, He created you, you know, for spouses from within you, so that you may find peace, calm tranquility, when you are focused towards your spouse. So you so the husband will find peace and calm and relaxation in the wife and the wife will find the same exact thing in the husband. And that's the purpose for which marriage happens. He does good. So he actually didn't mention the the physical needs or the other kinds of needs. First, he mentioned that actually, even those needs are a means to a larger end. And the larger end is that you're at peace, you're not turbulent anymore, you're in a state of calm. And that's what a marriage brings to you a
state of calm and a state of peace. That's its purpose. That's its purpose. Now, like I said, human beings have been created with knees and we're still talking about that first dimension, the relationship between a husband and a wife, a wife and a husband, its purpose. So a law describes its purpose as you know, being each other's common being each other's peace. The other imagery used in the Quran is very powerful. It comes in the context of the month of Ramadan is that they are your clothing and your their clothing, una de vos, Hola, como antem de Barcelona, they're your clothing, and you are their clothing. And we're going to come back to this idea of clothing in a minute.
Because clothing serves many purposes. And marriage serves exactly the same purposes. Clothing makes you dignified. Because without clothing, you are undignified it's you wouldn't you wouldn't want to be exposed to the world without your clothing. And marriage is actually the first thing marriage does is it dignifies you, it honors you. It's a you've entered an honorable relationship and you are being honored by your spouse, the husband is being honored by the wife and the wife is being honored by the husband. In that sense, they've become each other's clothing, they bring out the best in you they make you look good. They, they they make you preventable. You can face the world, which is
exactly what a spouse does. a spouse gives you the strength so you can face the outside world to you can deal with whatever it comes because your clothing is going to protect you. The clothing is going to beautify you. The clothing has transparency. In other words, between the shirt and my arm, there's nothing else. So this shirt is completely exposed to my arm. The point being the husband and wife have absolute transparency with each other, there are no secrets. There's nothing being kept by the husband from the wife or the wife from the husband. They can openly speak about whatever's going on. They're not harboring things inside. Transparency is a human, you know, there's a human need to
want to be at least open with somebody, you can totally be yourself. That's supposed to be your spouse. There are some things you can't talk to your mom about. You cannot talk to your dad about. You can't talk to your sister or brother, but you can talk to your spouse, spouse about them. And there's a certain level of nobody else's clothing like they are. That's what a lie is telling us. They have a special place. Even the relationships of blood can't can't do this, what the what the relationship of the spouse is doing. So, you know, there are, you know emotional needs just like physically the clothing can bring comfort.
Right clothing can bring warmth in the cold. You know, cold, cold calling can bring you protection from the rays of the sun, for example, clothing can protect you from strong winds keep you from getting wet, if you're wearing the right kind of jacket or whatever, the same way, the emotional needs are of a human being wants to feel the warmth of love. A human being wants to feel like they belong, a human being feels like they want to feel respected, they want to feel dignified, they want to feel understood. They want to feel protected from foul language, from emotional abuse, from physical abuse. They want to be feel protected from all of those things. And just like putting
clothes on is an act of protection. Getting married is actually an act of protection. you're protecting yourself from loneliness, you're protecting yourself from, you know, fear of verbal abuse, anything that takes away peace, right? Because the whole purpose of marriage was so you can find peace in each other. And how do you find peace when you're not feeling safe? How do you find peace? If you're afraid? When's the next insult gonna come? When is the next angry outbursts gonna come? When's the next sarcasm gonna come? When's the next attack gonna come? When's the next physical assault going to come? When those are the fears, then the purpose of marriage is being
lost. Similarly, you know, transparency, safety, feeling valued, because our value also comes from the way that we're dressed. You know, if somebody's dressed in appropriately, they are being they're undervaluing themselves. Right. So this is why choosing the right spouse, because it's becomes a reflection of yourself literally is like choosing the right clothes, because they represent you. People don't just see you, they see you and your clothes as one, they don't see them as two separate things. That's where you and your spouse become kind of one, you represent one, not two, you know, you, you become one unit. So now, having said all of that, the reason I said I mentioned these needs
versus leading to a larger point. And we're going to come back again, I told you from the beginning, what I'm hoping to share with you today and I hope I'm able to do this coherently is to help us understand something about this ayah and what Allah is talking about in this ayah, which not right now seems unrelated. So we've got all of these needs. And the all of these needs being met, what does it lead to, so that we find peace, right, we find calm, whether there are physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, there are also social needs, right to be recognized as a family to be acknowledged, a person has the need to not make be made to feel worthless. So if they're, if a
couple is married, and they go to some gathering, or party or something, and the husband starts making fun of the wife in front of others, or the wife starts making sarcastic comments to the husband in the presence of others, that's undignified. They're being socially put down by their own spouse, the one person they should be the safest from is their spouse. And yet this is happening, it's the opposite what marriage is supposed to do. You're supposed to be my shield, not the other way around, you know, or when a wife gets together with her friends, they're all talking trash about their husbands. Right? You don't do that, because they are your clothes, and you're their clothes,
you're supposed to be their line of protection, you don't go somewhere and start making fun of your husband, to their face or behind their back. It's LIBOR anyway, but it's even a higher crime because you're the spouse, and the husband shouldn't be doing the same. or talking down to the wife to her face or to somebody else, calls his mother and then starts talking about how horrible his wife is, or whatever else, you shouldn't be doing that because that you agree that they'll you'll be each other's clothes. That's how Allah described you. Right? So feeling like you're not being you're not there's this is part of transparency. This is part of respect. There are financial needs that need
to be met, you know, original, our Mona Lisa, Obama, Obama, Barack Obama and Falco Meanwhile, he might have to spend money on their spouses. This is not a it's not a male chauvinist thing. It's a Koran thing, Allah created both men and women, and he said to men, you better step to spend on on your wives. That's it, that's your, the caretakers, he put that down. So now if a man a man decides to not take care of financial needs, or say you can get a job to you know, or whatever, and you can afford to do so and yet, you know, not talking about difficult family situations, where you know, a husband is sick or incapable of working or unusual circumstances, and the wife has to have a job,
we're not talking about that, generally speaking, if a man is capable of providing, and he's not providing and he's expecting or he's not fulfilling the needs of the household, he there's a fundamental need that's not being met.
That's just not being met. There are other needs to possessiveness is a need when you become so intimate, and so close with your spouse, and there are boundaries you draw for each other. And that's not part of control. That's actually part of mutual respect. So you don't want your wife talking to other men online or in person or whatever. That's a line you can draw. Here's what I'm comfortable with. This is what I love. This is what I will what I will not allow unless I'm in your presence. This is I'm not okay with it, and she can draw certain lines on him. Absolutely. And those are the things that may be the they help fortify, strengthen a marriage. They help build up dispatch
all of these different kinds of needs. And there's so many other needs like communication there and these needs. I'm not asking you to make a list and take notes and like he's not here the 40 needs, let's put them on the fridge by
Way, need number seven was not met today, I don't want you to do that. Actually, what I'm saying is the vast majority of needs, these needs are obvious, and they're basic. And if one slips they can be reminded, and they can address it, just like spot on the clouds.
Just like a tear, hey, there's a little tear here, you don't throw the thing out, you stitch it back out. That's it. Cuz it's not like you got other clothes in the wardrobe, you can fix this one, it's not on fire yet relax, right, so you, nobody's perfect. We fall short in some of these needs. Sometimes, hey, I thought really, you would be more protective of me at this occasion. Or I thought that you would have said this, but you said this, instead, I found it a little bit disrespectful, or whatever, you can have situations like that. But you can address them, patch it up and move on, you can do that. Now. Let's take the next step. Because Allah created us with all of these needs. And
that just makes us human. That just makes a man and a woman human. If they find themselves in a marriage, where some of these fundamental needs are not met once, twice, three times a week in a row a month in a row a year to you. They're just not being met. And I'm not just referring to physical needs, I'm referring to me be feeling respected, maybe financial needs, maybe social needs, maybe verbal abuse is going on. And it's not stopping because I need to feel safe from verbal abuse. Maybe emotional abuse is going on maybe gaslighting is going on, maybe you're made to feel worthless by the look she gives you. Or he gives you It could this could be done by a man This could be done by a
woman. This is not a male only thing or a female only thing it's abused, abuse can happen by anybody, you know, a violation of rights can happen by anybody. Now, when that's happening, the course of action this is this is now where we are going to pause, what let's just say some of those needs are not being met. Okay? Some of those needs are not being met.
You've just got into an argument with your, your wife or your husband about something, and then you go to work, or then even even go to work, you go online because COVID-19 right, you just go online.
And you got a bunch of people smiling at you. bunch of people making friend requests that want to just chat about Islam.
They want to ask you, you know, religious questions, or they want to discuss with you about how, Mashallah You're so good, etc, etc. You know, and they or they want to talk about something completely unrelated. You don't think they have any harmful intent at all?
You know, what the two is? Very slow poll. It's not like hey, I want a friend request. I'm interested in Xena. Please respond, but nobody does that. Nobody does that. But you just had an argument with your spouse and you're upset man or woman. And now there are plenty of other alternatives. I'm not cheating. I'm just talking to somebody about the weather.
I've that's not Xena. We were just discussing Donald Trump. They just sent a funny meme is nothing it's nothing is just a joke. You can even joke now. In other words, these small inch steps you're taking you see the thing is, there is such a thing as physical infidelities in a but there are emotional and social and other kinds of infidelity too. These are all small steps. This This was something that your spouse deserves. That's supposed to be your best friend. They are in the opposite gender, that's your best friend. That's the person you talk to. That's the person you want to joke around. If you want to discuss Islam so bad you have you have a Muslim husband, you have a
Muslim, you can discuss it with them. You don't need somebody else. You can do your own research. You don't need to talk to them but see we mask that need for attention from someone else as no it was an innocent conversation or they really needed help or whatever No no, put all that aside. There is a violation going on and you're not admitting it because you'd rather coat you know coat it with more innocent you know wording so you don't make yourself look bad because looking in the mirror and looking at something bad nobody wants to do that. So we'd rather justify our behavior as something that it's not and we're very good at that human beings. Well karma Avira Quran says human beings
have the best full view of themselves even though Hello I'll come out Magiera even though they are they can present all manner of excuses. What are you doing nothing? What are you doing just the internet? While I can't go on the internet? Is that haram to now? Know what on the internet? Are you doing? Nothing? just reading? What are you reading? What are you writing? And who are you writing to? What are you looking at? Just a picture? Just a video? Just something funny? Nevermind, delete.
You can you can make it sound like hey, somebody was surfing the internet. Let's go to
say that right? Because you made it sound so innocent. But you know and Allah knows that it's not innocent at all.
So what I'm saying is we
When those fundamental needs are not being met,
that's when shavonne comes. That's when he comes. And that's when he says, hey, I've got some other ways you can meet these needs. It's pretty easy. Nobody has to know. And he may not be talking about Xena and I can almost guarantee you he'll never actually directly talk about the need to just say just
accept a friend request. Or watch this video, or comment on this page or do this. This is small little tidbits here and there. Nothing big, just small little and so small that if somebody questioned you you can say that that's innocent. So it's it's so small that it was a haram No, definitely not. Hold on then back off then. Cuz I'm not doing something wrong. And shutdown was a Yep. Garam because if there's one drop like that, then another will follow then another Ruffalo, I often describe Shetlands tactics,
or the whole official McAfee will attack them. mulatta birute watershape. One, enter into the into the safety of surrender to Allah entirely. Allah says completely. Yeah. And don't follow the footsteps of shaitaan. What does that mean? That complete surrender? is Islam? Which answers I mean, complete is a lot, bro, just how about you just take a little bit, little tiny little crack. And it's like a crack in the dam. What happens when you have a crack in the dam gets bigger and bigger. He's not asking you to like break the wall. He's just saying, Give me a crack. And let me let me do the rest. And it'll get bigger and bigger on its own. Now, I started by saying there are three
dimensions of marriage. Let me get to that now. And so I can finish the slot and we can move on with the
marriage fundamentally, is three things. It's a relationship between a man and a woman and they've come to an agreement with each other, to honor each other and to give each other their rights.
Become a family, of course. The second is that it's a social agreement. Society recognizes these two people as a family now, even if they don't have kids, yet, they're they're a family, they're a unit, which means they're hands off for everybody else. Everybody else needs to back off, because they are on their own. Nobody should be interested in her or interested in him, or trying to design a force field around them called marriage. That's, that's what that is. So it's a social contract to it. Because at the end of the day, the way Allah designed for for Muslims, we understand that the laws that will design humanity by way of marriage, the first thing that Allah created, that brings human
beings together is what marriage and by marriage, families come together, when families come together, they become communities. When communities come together, they can become a neighborhood, when neighborhoods come together, they become a city. When cities come together, they become a country, when countries come together, they become planet Earth. All of it starts with what two human beings coming together, husband and wife, the unit for for, you know, civilization in the shade of Allah is actually marriage. So what I'm saying is, first and foremost, marriage is an agreement between man and woman.
Second, marriage is a social contract. It's a way of preserving identity, everything from inheritance law, to you know, to rights and responsibilities are delineated and identity of children and all of that are delineated by way of the institution of marriage. So society is being organized because marriage exists, you understand? humanity is moving forward in the laws, in the light of Allah's word, humanity's moving forward in a legitimate way because of marriage. So it's a social contract. Okay? So that's the second dimension. It's a personal contract, and it's also a social contract. Now, the thing is, that's why the punishment of Xena in Islam is so severe because it's
not a crime against an individual. It's a crime against society. So you'll find in Islamic law, things that are punished publicly. Things that are punished severely with physical punishments are pretty much every time crimes against society.
Stealing is a crime against society. Murder is a crime against society, the violation of marriage is not a personal sin. If it's done in public like that, and all what the law describes. It's actually a crime against society. And society must be protected. So there should be punitive measures in place. That's actually the logic behind some of the harsher laws. What people consider harsher laws in Islam is a law protecting society. This is why he says even for the law of divorce, of retribution, he says welcome Phil kasasa Hey atone for all of you in taking retribution for a murderer, you know, I for and I, right? In doing that there's life for you. But the law is if they
took a life their life can be taken can be taken if the family of the victim so decides, Allah says And if you do that, there's actually life in it for you why it stops the next 100 murders instead stops the next 1000 murders. So society's life is being preserved. Okay. There are three dimensions. Husband and wife, two individuals came together. That's dimension number one. It's a social dimension. It's a social contract. That's dimension number two. But in the Quran, marriage, the third dimension is really the key word.
I brought all of this up, I laid all of this out for you because of the third dimension. The third dimension is this is a sacred bond, sanctified by Allah himself has not been committed and haleiwa they have taken from you a heavy contract, a heavy agreement, the phrase mythical Geneva that occurs in Surah Nisa, a heavy agreement is the same phrase used in the Quran, for when Allah took the covenant from prophets, that they will do their job. So it's a sacred bond, sanctified by Allah Himself. It's sanctified by Allah Himself. Getting married is actually an act of worship and the one who's blessing it and validating It is Allah. Allah azza wa jal is actually sanctifying that
marriage. So what I'm saying is, when someone is going to violate this sacred thing, they're not just committing a crime against their husband or their wife. They're not just committing a crime against society, second dimension. But above and beyond all of that this is a crime against something sacred, Allah put together.
This is a crime against a law. That's the third dimension. Now, why did I bring all of this up? Let's just say there, I tried to give you some people misunderstood yesterday, when I was saying she may be in a marriage where some of her needs are not being met. I talked about needs today. Some of her needs are not being met. And maybe that's why she's having all kinds of crazy thoughts. And I'm not trying to empathize with her I'm telling you, it doesn't matter what needs aren't being met.
It doesn't matter what how unsatisfied you feel you are and what needs you have legitimately these these are legitimate. I already explained that to you. All of these needs are legitimate. But let me tell you something from the very beginning. The coming together of this agreement for Muslims for believers is because we are slaves of Allah, and they are slaves of Allah. Yes.
And so there is. And I was telling Valerie today when we were taking a walk, remember I told you about the pillar, I'm gonna repeat the pillar thing.
You build a house. And in the house, you have different you have walls, you have windows, whatever, you want to redecorate the house, you can change the carpet, you can paint the rooms, sometimes you can even move the walls, yes. Sometimes you can eliminate a window and put wall there and break some wall and put a window there Can't you do that? You can add doors, you can do that you can remodel a house.
But there's one pillar in that in that house, or there's a foundation in that house, you mess with that foundation, the whole thing will come down. That's a structural beam. That's a structural pillar. That's a structural foundation. You can't touch that anything else you can mess with? Yes. So let me tell you in marriage, a lots of things can be negotiated. Lots of things can move around in your life, forget marriage in your life, lots of things can move around. One thing that you and I cannot afford to move around is I will not disobeyed a lot.
That's the that's the pillar that can't move. Everything else can move. People can get angry people can be happy. Everybody wants to set me on fire, you know, throw me in fire like Abraham or Lisa or No, nobody likes me anymore. It doesn't matter. This one pillar can't move, am I making a lot unhappy? That's the pillar that can't move. Now. If somebody finds that a man finds himself in a marriage in which his rights aren't being met, or a woman finds herself in a marriage in which her rights aren't being met, their spouse is supposed to be there, what their clothing, remember, and there are no secrets between you and your clothing. So the husband goes to his wife and says,
Listen, you're my wife.
Here's where I'm falling apart. I have I, I can't even talk to you. I tried to talk to you and you get really upset, I don't know, maybe maybe we have a communication problem. Or you make me feel like I'm worthless. Or you make me feel like you're not attracted to me. Or you make me feel like you're embarrassed by my presence, or the the words you use, I feel like you're talking to a child or whatever he's he what bothers me tells her the thing that bothers me tries to tell her or flip it. There's a woman who feels like she's feeling worthless, undesirable. She's feeling like you'd never even want to talk to me. You never even want to spend time with me, you're not taking care of
the house, you're not taking care of any of the responsibilities, you're never around, etc, etc. And she has these concerns, and she brings it to the husband. Obviously, if they're your clothes, then the first thing you want to address is it with it's the problem between you and them. So you want to address it with them. Your first step is to actually try to fix this yourselves. But the problem sometimes happens. And the best case scenario is I know nobody wants to be criticized. No wife wants to hear she's not doing her job. No husband wants to hear they're not doing their job. And the moment you try to bring it up, they'll say Oh, yeah, you're no Sahabi yourself.
You seen yourself? No, no, you want to talk about me? Let's talk about you first.
And that becomes you know what that becomes? That becomes I will not address what you brought to me, because I'm gonna make it seem like everything I do wrong is actually not wrong is justified because you're so messed up. So before you ever open your mouth about me, just know that you're the one that's always making the mistake. When you do that consistently. What are you teaching? I cannot
Bring up what hurts me, because I will always assume that it's in my spouse's perspective, I'm always the one at fault. I'm the one who deserves to be treated in this way. There's nothing that they need to fix. Everything that needs to be fixed is on my end. That's their point of view. And then you because you're a human being and human beings are programmed to defend themselves, you develop exactly the same point of view, she always thinks it's my fault, when the truth is, it's actually always her fault. And oh, I admit my fault, but she never, it's hurtful. And you develop a resentment towards you, because you're not communicating openly. What the Quran does is if this kind
of friction is building, building, building, and you're not able to fix these needs, these needs aren't going anywhere, the needs are still going to be their physical needs will still be their emotional needs to want to have a best friend to talk to somebody to laugh with somebody to find peace with somebody, to just be sitting next to somebody to eat next to somebody to not feel lonely, to feel understood, to feel safe. those needs are still there. But every time you look at your husband, or your wife, there's
when that's happening, you've got to fix that. And every time you got to fix that, sometimes for some people, every time they try to fix that, it doesn't get better. It gets what it gets worse. So now what does the Quran do in that scenario? It says, Well, if you really do feel that they are cracking apart for Basu, hakama, minalima, hakama, manaia get carried intervention. Maybe they can talk to each other straight. me. How about you get some level headed people from her family, somebody levelheaded that can represent him. And maybe they can all sit together and have a little conversation, and maybe cooler heads can preside and maybe they can overcome some of these things,
and work things out. And intervention may be a good idea. They do love each other, but they seem to be hitting a roadblock. But let me talk to you about the worst case. Worst case and best case scenario. Best case scenario. Allah says Ed de la la habana Houma. If they both want to make things right, then Allah will empower them to do so.
Allah will actually you weren't able to make it right. But Allah will give your heart and your mind the strength, the calm, the benefit of the doubt, the reliance, the trust, sometimes trust goes away. Sometimes, you know, resentment goes away. Sometimes a grudge that was being held for a long time goes away, who can take it away, a lot can take away if you actually want to make things right. If you follow these steps, a lot can make that right, again, best case scenario.
But there are other scenarios. You've tried everything you can to make it right.
And your rights are just not being given.
You're just still not being dignified, you're still being made to feel worthless, you're still being humiliated for even having needs, you're being put in a corner. And every time you try to speak up for your rights, it's like you get slapped across the face. How dare you speak about your rights, you're worthless, you don't get to talk about that. You should be You should be grateful for the scraps you're getting.
And you might get told that by your spouse, or by others in your community, your family or whoever that can happen.
And now when you're put in this corner, you realize, well, I've tried everything I can to fix this, it's not fixing that point, when you reach that point, that's when shade bond will come to you. That's when shaytaan will come to me that's when Tom will come to every human being, he will come to them and say, listen, they're not going to take care of your needs. You should take care of your own.
You got they look out for themselves, you should look out for yourself.
And the right thing to do at that point, if you've tried every avenue of reconciliation, and your clothing just isn't acting like your clothing. They're not respecting the boundaries that marriage is supposed to uphold something simple, like transparency is not being acknowledged. Who were you talking to? You don't need to know.
Where did you go? That's none of your business. Why were you out so late? That wasn't late.
Don't worry about it.
Once that starts happening, and that becomes the norm I bought, my husband has a right to know, a wife has a right to know when that transparency starts going away. When phones have six layers of passwords and electrocution features when you try to access them. You know, when every time he's on his laptop, he has to turn it this way and then type
you know, or she notices every time she comes, he walks into the room the the app exits, when that's starting to happen, and it's not being addressed. In fact, it's being only met with antagonism, then maybe it's time to leave. Maybe it's time to say this, I can no longer do this because now here's please pay attention to this part. Only you can answer that for yourself. If you've done everything you can to save the marriage and your needs are not being met. chevonne knows that your needs are not being met. So he's gonna pull you and say I know a way you can meet those needs. It's so easy. Let me tell you.
It doesn't have to be Xena. It doesn't. It's just you're just talking to somebody. You were just talking this they seem to understand you like nobody else does. They get it. You have someone at work. She gets you man. She's just under
Dance. But how helpful she is, or Hey, there's a guy, here's this person in college or this person, whatever. And they seem like pretty reasonable. They're so they're so smart. Why can't my husband Be smart like that? You know, you, you're pretty intelligent and you don't. So this is a married person now saying, No, I'm only talking to them. So because I want to better my marriage. So I guess I want an outside opinion.
You're justifying it in your head in some way. Now, the thing is, if you catch yourself saying, I'm going down the road, chatlin wants me to go. Before I go down that road, I'm going to turn to my spouse and say, Listen, I can't do this anymore. Because I am a slave of Allah, you're a slave of Allah, I'm being pulled towards evil, if you don't take care of my most basic needs,
in the least, even if it's in the least, everybody else might think it's innocent. I know it's not innocent. I know myself, I know, my Rob, I'm being honest, I can't do it. I can't be violated in this way, and not have my basic needs met. Because I'm being pulled, the pull of shaitaan is not going away. It's getting worse.
And this is a very vulnerable thing to admit about yourself, that the devil is got a hold on you. Or the devil is actually the thoughts in your head. Maybe you haven't, you know, committed an act of infidelity. May Allah protect all of us. Maybe nobody's done Zina, maybe nobody's done the wrong thing. But if the thought is constantly on your mind, and you're married, the resentment towards your spouse and the attractiveness towards someone else is playing in your head over and over and over again.
If it's just virtual at this point, or some some lesser thing that's in life that's already happening, it's already serious enough that you are not violating your husband or your or your wife's rights, or society's rights, you're messing with your relationship with your Rob, he's your master. And if none of these were here, at the end of the day, it's just me and allies in it.
It's just, that's that's all that matters at the end. So if your worship of Allah, if your loyalty to Allah, if your obedience to Allah is now starting to shake, because you're starting to dabble into territory that disobeys him,
then maybe having the bravery to leave is the right option. Because then the fear of whatever whatever happens if you leave should not be bigger than the fear of violating a loss law.
Now, who's the bigger authority on you at the that's why I said the pillar that doesn't shake is what my obedience to a lot if my obedience to allies getting shaky because of a broken marriage, and I'm doing everything else to fix that. But it's getting shaky, then I have to think about, I don't care about what people will say to me. I don't care about what the family will say to me, because they're not going to stand in my place on judgment day. I don't care what society will say to me, I don't care what kind of gaslighting I'm gonna get. I just need to know one thing. What will I say in front of Allah when I stand in front of him? How did I fight off the call of the devil? How did I
fight that off? This woman could have fought this off a long time ago. She's not even a believer, but her infidelity is being mentioned for a reason in the Quran. Because it can come for anybody at any time. And we have to be honest with ourselves internally. It doesn't matter what people know or don't know don't know. It's what's going on in your head. What's happening in your heart. That's actually what matters. And that's something each one of you that's listening today, myself, my spouse, everybody, we have to protect ourselves. Before we protect anybody else. You cannot take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself. If you're in your thoughts, already glorifying
disobedience to a law, that's a serious problem, isn't it? And no one can diagnose that for you except yourself, but in in Santa Allah and FC Heba kamatera. So before we turn our attention to Yusuf Ali Salaam, I wanted to kind of wrap that subject up and say there is no excuse. It doesn't matter what needs are being met or not met. At the end of the day, disobeying a lie is a choice you and I will make. And if we make that choice, I pray a lot keeps us from making that choice. If we make that choice, we're not going to come in front of a line say Yala, you understand I'm just human right?
I have needs what could I do?
He gave you plenty of alternatives.
You were too. You weren't brave enough to take the alternatives allow or give me a lot was giving you but you were very brave to disobey Him and then sprinkle on top but I'm just human. What do you expect?
I'm just a person. Can I just be human? Yeah, you can be human without the devil.
Allah gave this revelation for human beings. Allah gave this law for human beings. He says, you know, you read a lot. Julio Franco, holy Collins and Oba. Allah wants to lighten your burden and human beings were created weak. Yes, you are weak and that's why he gave you this law so you can stay strong. So when you start telling yourself, I came up with my own justification for disobeying a law because a lot of
stands I'm just human, or I'm a special case. Then why is Allah saying that Allah gave you this law to lighten your burden? Why is Allah saying that he knows you're already weak? You know better than Allah, Allah to Allah Muna La Habra Dini come he asked the question, Wait, are you going to teach a law your religion?
is a question in the Quran, you know that to aluminum or heavy nickel, you are going to teach a lot your religion.
Pretty sure he's a better teacher than you and me. Pretty sure he knows what applies and doesn't apply. So you and I don't come up to say, this applies to a lot of people but not me. I'm special. I like a lie. We got we got a thing. We got a special exception thing going on. Don't play that game with yourself. The devil feels like he was justified in what he did when he refused to do such because his feelings were hurt.
Right? He could say I was traumatized when you create an item. It was so unfair. I felt like I wasn't even being acknowledged. And I felt so abandoned. And that's why I just, you know, i and i, you still haven't really even acknowledged my feelings, Allah. And that's why you want to play that game. He'd been playing that game and the fact that you're saying these words, who does that sound like actually?
Who thinks he's justified.
So don't don't hide behind your traumatic situation. Don't hide behind your emotional stress, or the difficulty very real difficulty in your marriage. It could be difficult, it could be abusive, it could be horrible. But none of that horribleness or abusiveness or none of the volume in your marriage will justify this obedience to Allah.
None of it. There's always a halal way out. There's always a way that you don't you can lose a relationship. You can lose money, you can lose social status, but you can't afford to lose your your tie to Allah your loyalty to Allah. Don't let the devil tell you that your feelings were justifiable. Your feelings made your haraam actions justifiable or maharam action is justifiable and if you fallen into heroin, recognize that for yourself. Open up your eyes, the devil is chained in this month, open your eyes up make Toba come back because the fact that you're still alive means you can still come back. Alive wouldn't keep you alive. He wouldn't keep pumping air into your lungs if
they were if you were a hopeless case. So if you have messed up, Allah knows you don't have to confess it to anybody. Allah knows if you've messed up, and if you have messed up make Toba to him. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but you definitely owe him an explanation. You definitely owe him an apology. You definitely owe him to make things right from now on. That's what slavery is. Allah does describe people even who commit sin I make Toba and Soto for con. He does describe them. So make Toba if you're if you're going down that road or she's gone really far down that road, turned the car around head back for Rue Illallah run to Allah He says fulfilled Rui La La run to
Allah. Powerful phrase, isn't it? And the local man who knows you're moving, I'm warning you. You're warning us of a line you want us to run to him also.
That's so that's where I want to leave off. You know, she's gone so far down that road. And you know, one last thing that's unrelated that came to my mind somebody actually I read a question somebody else? Well, I love when he when you somebody makes stuff about love forgives their sins. And this woman eventually she felt bad for what she did. So why did a lie expose her sin in the Quran like that? Right? And part of that answer will come when she does exhibit her repentance at the end. But one part of the answer I will tell you, when someone humiliates others in this life, then they deserve according to Allah to be humiliated in this life.
That's actually a rule. The prophet SAW Sham described that rule that when people want to expose others, when people want to hurt others and slant, and that's what she did, right? She didn't just do something wrong, she slandered you. So that's coming, we're gonna that's a southern subject. But because she did that, part of the Justice is when you did that, it's not only important that your son be exposed, but more importantly, his name has to be cleared.
His name has to be clear, I would like him to his defense. Now, let's wrap up by talking about use of Islam. And inshallah Allah will conclude the conclude design number 23.
The first thing you said is my other law, I cling on to Allah, the clinging to Allah, the refuge of Allah. And what does that tell you and me that if you find yourself in that situation, clinging on to something means somebody is trying to pull you off and you're not letting go, that's literally being described as the devil trying to pull you or people that are under the devil's influence trying to pull you and these forces these virtual forces trying to pull you and you're just holding on to Allah. You don't you don't deleted them apps.
You just got the Quran app left now.
You got rid of all that stuff. You just don't want to look at it. You undid it, you know, you got off of it. My other law. Now this is the other point.
Have you this is this is a young man who is Yes, he is a prophet, yes, he's innocent. But Allah has even described that there are even people that can reach the level of prophethood, that a child who has old father is impressed with in how Allah has chosen him, even someone of that spiritual stature. And someone who has Allah describes he has hokum, and in an axon, he does the very best in every situation. And Allah has given him firmness and decision making and knowledge. Even people like that will never actually think that on their own, they can handle anything, they will recognize that they are not strong enough to stand in a storm. They are humble before a lot. And the first
thing they're recognizing themselves is without a lie, I can't do this, I cling on to Allah maravilla. That's the very definition of slavery to Allah, as we recognize our own powerlessness, we will make our efforts but at the end of the day, without his help, he can't do it. So he, I need a law to protect me my other law I need to cling on to a law.
Then the question arises, how in the world was he able to fight such a temptation? I mean, after all, he's a young man. Look, you and I are fasting right now.
And even fasting right now, but these days, and even though you want to avail law, your your, your throat is still thirsty, your authority is still saying, Hey, can we disobey a law right now? Your stomach is still saying, hey, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, disobey Allah. Come on. Look at that kebab. Just look at it.
Right, your body still feels your bodies don't say well, I have to have Taqwa of Allah, so I won't feel hungry.
Your feelings or your feelings, you're controlling them this this, this machine over here that I'll put here, this heart is controlling all of these other limbs, and telling them to stop. Right? But those other limbs, the throat is saying I'm thirsty, the stomach saying I'm hungry. Same way, the desire for the opposite gender or attractiveness is something that is that you can't just say I don't feel it.
Just like thirst or hunger. You can't just turn it off and say I don't feel anything. I'm not attracted. Now I have too much stuff. Why to be attracted.
You can have a lot you can have your beard can be so long you trip on it.
You can't get rid of your, your desires.
You can you can be the most desired you can be the most worshipping save of Allah, when you're hungry during a fascist, they're gonna feel hungry.
So he says, How was he able to stop? Even even the thought of it? how Allah gave us the answer in the 22nd ayah. Allah said when people do their very best, Allah gives them the strength to make rise decisions, not just the right not just to know what's right, but the strength and the willpower to do what's right and to stick by that token, meaning self governance, remember hookman one dimension of it was self governance. This is his self governments at play. Allah described that quality and he showed us how he showed how he did it. So awesome. Then he says no hora B I sent him a flyer.
This is where Mufasa rune are of two positions about what ob means. Let me tell you what this means. The fact is in the who is the middle shot and so translated, the fact is, the truth of the matter is my master.
He has been good in providing the housing. He has been good and taking he's been excellent and taking care of my residents. He's done nothing but the best in taking care of me. My master.
Some of us even said, when he said my master, he's talking about Allah. There. Mufasa rune said, when he's saying my master, he's talking about Who?
The minister. So which one is it?
Allow them My opinion is that it's both and it makes complete sense that it's both but in a very unique way.
The thing is, first he said, My Allah And no,
I seek Allah refugee is my master.
When we're reading that is the I seek Allah's refuge. And the fact of the matter is that he is my master meaning who's my master? A lot, but it could be if you read in the hobo militia. And the fact is, my master has been good in providing me, you know, it has provided me excellence in the way that I live. I cinema fire.
I still say he's talking about a lot for himself. But he also knows that when the lady over there that's acting all crazy when she hears the word rugby, she ain't going to be thinking about Allah, who she's going to be thinking about her husband. I'm going to call on the highest authority for me who's been good to me.
And my and look at the words he says he's been good to me and the way he's provided my residents. I am shocked at these words, guys. I'm shocked at these words. Good to you. Allah has been good to you when you were in the well. Allah has been good to you and you were taken out and slapped around and thrown in as a slave and then resold and resold and resold that's when the low is good to you. It was good to you that you got torn away from your family. You never get to see your dad anymore. It was good to you that
You end up in a non believing house away from the one you love, no protection, no nothing. Allah is good to you that you live like a slave now
you should be saying Allah has put me sutra through some difficult trials, somebody else took, don't put yourself in this situation, put some other some other human being in this situation, kidnapped as a kid, you know, child slavery, you know. And by the way, child slavery still exists, child slavery and abusive circumstance.
And then eventually the best case scenario. Now I'm a slave. I used to be the most beloved Son of my father. And now I'm a slave. And then I turned to Allah, you know, what most people would do in that situation? He had God's been real good to me.
Okay, my God, that to me, this is this is a god I should believe in.
And yet, he turns to a lot in this situation and says, I know better. Whatever Allah put me through, he got me through it.
He never put me in a situation I couldn't handle.
He knew that there is some good coming from it. And I have always trusted that whatever situation he put me in, he's doing the best for me.
It's the worst thing from everybody else's eyes. I'm in a well,
it's the most ugly thing that I'm I don't even have my shirt on.
It makes somebody else cry to look at me being treated like a farm animal in a inside of a fence as a slave.
It would make some will rip someone's heart out to see their child in that state. Yes or no? We have kids. Can you imagine your kid like that? Can you imagine your kid at the bottom of a well? Can you imagine your kid being abused? Can you imagine your kid be yanked in a rope around their neck and they're being pulled? Can you imagine that? Would not rip your heart out?
And can you imagine him being sold as a slave? And that's the best case scenario?
Where's my boy going to sleep? What's he doing now? Is he suffering right now not knowing Can you imagine what it would do? What would do to you and me if we saw someone we love a child we love in that state.
And yet this child grows up to say, through all of those states, I don't care who feels pity for me or doesn't. I know one thing has been the best to me in the way that I've lived.
is so powerful.
This is this is hookman. And this is a sign actually, you know, you worship allies, though you can see him. Remember the definition. That's what you call your son. I don't let the outside circumstances of my life, define how Allah is to me. Let me say that again. I don't let the outside circumstances of my life, my health, my physical condition, my social condition, my economic condition, I don't let any of those conditions define that allows doing this to me or allows good to me or not good to me, a lot is always the best to me.
And I don't look at these shallow metrics, these shallow measurements to do to score allows goodness to me.
He's Allah has always been good to me. And you know, what makes you say that what makes you think that? Why would he? Okay, fine. I won't look at my slavery or my, you know, the abusive circle, I will look at any of that to determine if it was good to me, then how do I know it was good to me?
previous I again,
because I do my very best before Allah. in any situation, whatever little I know, a lot keeps giving me the sense to do the right thing. Allah keeps giving me a stronger and stronger faith alone ever NetSuite lets me Forget about him. And the more he gifts me my heart with a remembrance of him, the world could fall apart for all that for all I care. I'm still located because my master is taking care of me, taking care of my residence is actually first and foremost, his own heart.
My heart is in a good place. So it doesn't matter where I live. He's been good to me.
What is she hearing? She hears him say, My master, the Minister has provided me excellent housing.
Why is he not talking? He could have said in the law, how to be allies. merab. He said he is my Arab. He is my only he's thinking of he has Who? The master so now what's, what's he trying to tell her? He's like, Well, clearly, I can talk to you about a lot because a you don't believe in Allah. And even if you did, you've pretty much put a line some other corner where that's not going to help you. Hopefully, maybe if you hear the word, Rob, maybe you'll get some fear of Allah. That's why he's already thrown in my other layer. So he's saying it so that he's saying it for himself, but he's also he's also hearing it right. But clearly, the mother love wasn't enough for her. She the
word God wasn't here enough for her to hear and stop her in her tracks. She's still going. She's still going. So some people reminding them of a lot. There's nothing there's too much
Over the heart for a fact, now he needs to use whatever second tactic he can use. And the second tactic is okay, she has no regard for God.
I think she may have some respect for who? Her husband, maybe if I can just remind her that you're married, and he's my master. I for one, because he's my master wouldn't be disloyal to him. That's how you see it. How can you who's his wife do this. And he didn't even put her on the spot. He just said, I couldn't do that, because he's my master. He's been good to me. And he's hoping what comes to her mind is, while he can acknowledge that the porter for the minister is good to him, and yet, this is how I repay the Minister for the life he has given me.
This is this is how I'm good to my husband.
So he's hoping to evoke her conscience by at least whatever authority she does respect, which is, the husband said, it does have two implications. For him personally, it's a reference to a law. And for her, hopefully, it's a reference to the Minister, the head of the household, in the hula bsms wire. And this is a comment about the past, up until now, I know Allah has been good to me, there's no way I will disagree a lot. Now.
I not only seek a less protection from evil, my other law that was first, I seek a less protection, and I would never let go of loyalty to Allah because all of the good Allah has done for me up until now, he guided me all the way to Islam. He guided me all the way to know that he is one. He's the one to be worshipped. And after knowing that when so much of humanity is so unfortunate, they don't even know. They don't even know who lies. And I'm among the fortunate, who knows Allah is and I'm going to walk away from Allah.
After the gift that he gave me, the gift of Laila heilala, I'm gonna toss that gift to the side for this. No, I'm way too loyal. I'm way too grateful for that, Laila heilala, to fall into this trap.
I'm trying to tell you the perspective of Yusuf Ali Salaam. And I'm trying to tell you the perspective that you and I should adopt, are walking away from disobedience to Allah should be not only because we're loyal, were obedient and fearful of Allah, but just sheer out of gratitude that he gave us the gift of being Muslim.
The gift of having his word, the gift of having access to Revelation,
the honor of being included in that family, in the family of Ibrahim alayhis salam.
We got invited into that family when we said Laila heilala, when we said Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, how can we dishonor that family that Allah brought us into
to be his slaves? He's been good to us
in order to be a Santa Messiah, and then he adds, this was all about the past, look at look back and be grateful for what Allah has given you, above and beyond all else, the gift of guidance and finally, in the hula, if you have badimo the fact is
wrong wrongdoers never get the translation says wrongdoers never succeed. People who do wrong never succeed.
If law has way more than succeed,
if law is used for farmers when they are harvesting the crop, you know what that means? farmers are finally getting what they've been hoping for.
Let me translate it that way. The fact is, wrongdoers will never get what they were hoping for.
wrongdoers will never get what they've been wanting. They're basically never going to be happy. You think this is gonna make you happy, it won't. That will not.
wrongdoers never achieve that. They're never satisfied. They never have contentment. They never have common side of their hearts. It's the remembrance of Allah that brings come to the heart not wrongdoing. wrongdoing only violated and takes it away.
He says people who do wrong can never ever succeed. And he's talking about the future. Now. Those who do wrong, never succeed. Up until now I haven't done wrong. And I and here's the reason I will not do wrong, because I want something I want success. I want I am waiting for something from allows origin in this life and in the next. And I will not violate that by doing wrong. Because people who do wrong, don't get what they've been wanting what they've been hoping for the future that they were expecting.
People who get to that future that they were expecting are buffoon.
So I want to be from those people. And I will not take that away from myself by simply doing wrong. You see, you've got the contrast in 22 and 23, which I leave you with. In 23. We learned that when you do your very best even if you know very little
you don't know Arabic You don't notice we do not have C you don't know how to pronounce it and you know nothing. But you know one thing
I'm not going to cheat in a marriage. I'm not going to commit Zina. I'm not going to do wrong. I'm not even going to do any emotional infidelity. I'm not going to go and have unnecessary conversations and invite the play of the devil.
I'm gonna do my best. And then what is it like give you a lot of reward you in this life? With what better decision making and knowledge opens those doors? Yes, that's the reward. What does that mean? That's 22 and 23. It's the opposite. The opposite is when people do wrong, because here are the people who do their best. What's the opposite of people who do their best people who do wrong? People who do wrong, they're never going to get what they want. They're never going to be happy. And what's the What does that tell you? By contrast, what is the ultimate success in this life? The ultimate success in this life is to have the willpower and the guidance to make the right choices.
That success the person is successful if they're presented with choices, in which there's always some flavoring of the devil. And they're able to sift that out and make a good choice every time.
They're able to fight the fight back because the war wages on for every one of us. There's a war inside of our hearts. There's a war in our surroundings. There's a war on our devices. There's a war and we need to be winning. And people who do wrong can't win. This is the statement he makes. Hopefully she understands that he's not just he didn't even you know, talk to her directly. I know that that was the last thing I was supposed to say. This is the last thing we're gonna say. It's pretty epic. What does she want from him? Lots of things. But more than anything else. It seems she wants his attention. Yes. study those little carefully, you'll find he never actually talked to her.
He didn't give her that.
He didn't say I seek refuge of a law. You should to the word you never happens.
He is my master. He's been good to me. wrongdoers never prosper. Never the word you
never, he never talked to him. Even at the door. When we get to that scene. He says she's the one who tried to seduce me. She's not you, never you when he comes out of jail and he's in court and the whole thing comes out, never addressed her by directly never gave her that man what a burden. Such as what you call a sick burn. She's dying for attention. And he won't even give her the pronoun you
even give her that? Like, no, I'm
not going there. That would be way too much attention for someone like you.
I would be way too much you'll take that way too. Did you just say you he talked to me? Have you way too much.
Doesn't even happen. So halala in that itself, there is a powerful lesson. So with that, we conclude our observations on Iran number 23. Now we get inshallah and tomorrow
we're going to look at hand number 24 where they're going to run to the door. barakallahu li walakum phylloquinone Hakeem wanna find any way he can be it with him Salaam Alaikum.