How to Treat People
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 23.14MB
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Salaam, and in Islamic personality, and manners and luck. And this is actually one of the core teachings of manners in the Quran, a father telling his son some manners they have to carry? And do you think that manners should be like, a list of 100 things that you should do properly or, you know, things that are appropriate versus inappropriate, how to sit, how to stand, how to talk, etc. And yes, you can be as granular and as specific about manners, but there are some principles. If a person internalizes them. It's kind of like learning mathematics. Once you learn how to multiply, then you can give the student any question they can solve the problem because they know the
principle behind it, right? The same way there are principles in our Deen, that once you understand that principle, then you can find yourself in 100 different situations you know what to do. And you know what not to do, because you're following the same principle. So the dean is made up of several of these kinds of principles. A lot of times when someone doesn't understand that, they start thinking they have to get a specific answer for every specific situation. Right, but it's not like that. In fact, if you understand the principle properly that applies, then you can see what you can do you can figure that out yourself in many situations, what is the what is the ethical thing to do?
What is the moral thing to do? What is the manner that allows the which it expects from me? Now, what is the advice that he is giving his son, he says, what to Sahaja nasci? Literally, it would mean, don't, you know, don't turn your cheek, or don't turn your neck so that your cheek shows because of people. So that's literally what it means. So that needs a little bit of an explanation. So I had an Arabic was used for a sickness that happens to animals like a camel. And when it happens to a camel, like you know how when a person sometimes when they get a stroke, they lose their nerve connections to some part of their face and their faces, like one side of their face is paralyzed. Or
if somebody goes through a sickness and their head is turned slightly and it's permanently turned. Right. So some animals they had a certain sickness in the desert, where the camel its neck would stay slanted, or his head would be turned a certain way, even if it's walking straight. Right and it's kind of a disability that it suffers from where its neck is turned. And from it became the idea came the idea of somebody who is being arrogant towards somebody or frustrated with somebody so you're talking to somebody and they are you see them at a party or something or they're they
having a conversation with you, or even they called you, and all of a sudden your face kind of did this neck turn thing out of frustration out of, you know, I don't want to deal with this person out of exhaustion, whatever it may be, but you turn this face. And so he says, Don't turn your face and show your cheek because of people. So the Linda's can be deadly, Leah like even ashore says which means because of people, it can also be kind of a just a straightforward job, which we mean to people, meaning don't show this to people don't act like this towards people. How does that apply? Well, when there's a number of ways we can think about this. One way you can think about it is
you're talking to somebody at work, or at school, or among friends or family, you're having a conversation with somebody a stranger, and you can't stand the the tone of their voice, or they can't stand the level of their intelligence, or you can't stand how wrong they are and how confident they are and how wrong they are. It could be any number of things, it could be that you think what they're saying is ridiculous. It could be that you're actually arrogant, and you think they're inferior to you in some way. Because they don't have the degree that you have, or they don't have the qualifications that you have, or you've already sized them up because of their age, they're, you
know, all these all these old people are all the same, or all these kids are all the same. Are these you know, these young people think they're know it alls, etc. So you've dismissed somebody already, before they even open their mouth. And the moment they start saying something that challenges what you believe, or ask a question that you don't just don't have the patience or tolerance for you start kind of your face starts kind of changing, and you let them know that you're not interested in even giving them time of day, by the way that you turn your face away from them. Right, so you just let
the nurses don't, you know, don't arrogantly dismissively and out of you know, you because they're too annoying to you, you don't want to deal with them. Don't do that to people, it's interesting that the word people was used, because sometimes you can do that to your own family. Sometimes you can do that to perfect strangers outside, you can find yourself in any situation where, you know, you have to check, I have to check myself if that if that's not what I'm doing. And that was also really interesting that, you know, generally you can think of this as don't show arrogance to people, or don't show an ad, don't give people an attitude. That's really what this means is don't
give people an attitude. Right? Don't roll your eyes. Nowadays, you can even think of it as don't roll your eyes at people don't take deep dramatic breaths at people.
Don't whatever people, you know, don't send emojis of people with the eyes rolled up like whatever. You know, don't that's all to say.
Now, it's, it's all inclusive. If you understand the principle, why would somebody do such a thing, because they just want to make someone feel insignificant or unworthy of the conversation or, you know, the they want to turn make somebody feel small. And actually one of the words for that in Arabic in the Quran is instead
it's used for the Pharaoh and how he made the Israelites feel he made them feel light, insignificant. So don't make someone feel insignificant by the way you dismiss them, or ignore them or walk off from them, etc. So that's one bit of advice. And I mentioned, you know, social settings in which we can express that kind of frustration. But another situation where you can express that as you can have an opinion like that about an entire group of people, or an entire religion, or an entire school of thought, or an entire nation of the all these Bangladeshis are all the same. All these Pakistanis are all the same, oh, man, all these Mexicans are all the same. All these
Malaysians are all the same, all these dispute and you can do it for a race. And you can do it for a class of people, all these workers are all the same. All these business people are all listening, all these politicians are all the same. So you have categories of people you can you can categorize people by the work they do. You can categorize people by their economic class, you can categorize people by race, religion, you know, you can categorize people by their education. And then you have a judgment, like a stereotype of each of those. Right? And then you say, all you people are like this, and all you people are like that. So the moment somebody even mentions those people, or
they're having a conversation about those people, you're already in regards to those people don't even bring those guys up, and your cheek turns. Right. So don't be judgmental about groups of entire groups of people. So NASS can also be a kind of stereotyping that's being addressed in the IRA. Because that's very easy to do, because human beings like to, you know,
create simpler formula inside their head so they can judge the world easily. Right? And moral moral formula is a good is a good thing to have. But when you have a formula for judging people, like all Asians are like this, or all doctors are like this, or all police officers are like this, or you know, or whoever is like this. You understand, that's an oversimplification. Well, you know, all the ones I met her like that.
Well, one you had a presupposition about all of them.
And you're only looking to confirm your, you know, pre determined bias. And to that's a very huge population of people, that it's just simpler for you to generalize and not think that every individual is different. Every case is different. Every man is different. Every woman is different, every family's different. Everybody's history is different. Why? No, no, they're all XYZ, those people are all the same. Look at all of them, they all do this, this and this, you know, and when, when that mentality develops in the person, then that society is headed towards oppression. And let me tell you why. Because you know, for a judge to think of a judge in a in a, in a courtroom, right,
a judge has a case. And in the case, for example, there's a there's a divorce case or something, there's a case between a husband and a wife. And the husband did terrible things, for example, right. And then there's another case was another husband and some other terrible things. And another case, whatever the husband did another terrible case. And this, this, this judge has gone through 10 cases, where husbands did terrible things. And in the 11th case, before the case even starts, the judge can start to think, Oh, here it goes, here it goes again. And before they before he even looks at the evidence, or who said what, in his mind or her mind, he's already determined that this person
is going to be a liar, or this person is going to be the criminal, no matter what comes out of their mouth, you understand, because I've seen it all before. I've seen this already. So that's also a kind of turning your neck away from people and showing them your cheek. In other words, you're dismissing one group as all of them being worthy of the same blame. None of them are individual. As I'm reminded of an example of that in the Quran, that's pretty significant. And that is of, you know, the Pharaoh and the people who were under his army, that we think of the Pharaoh and his army as one monolith, which means they're all the same. They're the bad guys. They're the bad guys that
subjugated the Israelites. They're the ones that lead drowned, right? So it should be easy for us to say they're all bad. And then Messiah they saddam sees an Israelite, a slave, being beat up by an Egyptian police officer in the middle of the street in the middle of nowhere. And in his mind, he's thinking, here we go again, these people, that's all they do. They oppress my fellow Israelite brothers. And those were the Muslims of that time. So here's a coffee, who doesn't believe in the author who believes their king is God, and they oppress the Muslims who have been kept as slaves. And he's oppressing yet another one, look at what's happening. So he goes, and he intervenes, and he
throws a punch, right? Without knowing the entire situation. And it turns out that the person he was protecting was a con man. And it turns out that he, he acted in haste. And you know, what, immediately after taking that action, what did he say? How do I mean, I'm Alicia, and this is from the work of the devil. He acknowledged his own hurry to help as work of the devil. But if you if you break that down, where did that come from? It was a haste in making judgment, because he's seen that 1000 times, right. He's seen 1000, Israel, like, you know, oppressed by the Egyptian military. So this must be yet another case of that. It cannot be judged on its own merits, it has to be judged by
the previous cases that are all like that. So what we do is, we tend to develop opinions about people and over simplify that and not look at individual cases. By the way, one of the most important people in the story of the Israelites is actually a military man who came to Masai Salaam to let him know that he has to escape Egypt before they arrest him because they'll kill him. And actually, Allah made him a means by which Mossad Islam survived. And he was a member of the Egyptian military who, you know, was the secret believer, right? So judgments aren't easy to make the same way a lot told his messengers a lot more so even though you fought three wars with, with the courage
you fought battle with them or had with them as zabuton, three battles have been fought. These are people that tried to kill your profit. These are the people that tried to assassinate the promises are multiple times. These are people that have tried to make all kinds of schemes, even inside Medina as a proxy from the outside to have intelligence inside the data. So they can destroy the profit inside Medina, even while they're sitting in Mecca. Right. But when Could they be I came, and there was a, it was a war that was about to break out. But this time, instead of a war being on the battlefield, the war was going to be inside the city. Now, the war on the battlefield, you're only
taking on warriors. But the war inside the city is actually civilians. You don't know who's going to get trampled right? There's going to be civilian casualties. So Allah revealed that he stopped that from happening, because there are believing men and women that you don't even know about. In other words, don't make even a sweeping judgment about the orange, who as a whole have fought three wars against you. And I've tried to kill your prophet multiple times. But even then, you cannot make judgments about every single individual inside that city. Weather noon when it's not love de la momento. That's incredible stuff. So what is he telling his son, don't be quick to pass judgment on
people. Don't be quick to do
Dismiss people, whether you're engaging in conversation with them, or you have a group in mind, that you've heard so much about them so much rhetoric about them. We hate it when people must stereotype Muslims. But the remarkable hypocrisy of it, Muslims themselves stereotyping each other depending on what country they come from, what race they come from, we don't like you, when somebody doesn't tell us we're number one at it. We're better than anybody else. What are you talking about? We don't like to be thought of as inferior citizens of any country. And yet there are people in Muslim countries in our societies, who we think of as inferior because of the race they belong to, or because of the
economic class they belong to. So this advice that is being given to a son, if every father on earth, and every Muslim father on Earth was giving every Muslim son on Earth, this advice, racism and classism, and economic you know, distinction and superior, you know, superior the sense the false sense of superiority, and tribalism wouldn't exist in the oma. So it's a small little advice that a father's giving his son, but if our sons were actually raising our daughters were actually raised like this Viola would look very different than what it does now.
And then on top, a step further than that, and the ripple effect group grows, I'm just this phrase love to sign up for Docker leanness is what I like to call social commentary. Right? social commentary is, oh my god, did you see this news? This one teacher did this, this this this? Did you see this news? They did this, this, this and all these people can't believe it. And you're always watching news and you're angry at some people. I can't believe these people. I can't believe those people. I got a comment about these people. And I gotta, you know, express my moral outrage at people X, Y, and Z. You're constantly angry at people. for the right reason. I'm not even saying
they're right or wrong. I'm not talking about that. But you just need to find somebody to be upset with all the time. You need to find some group that you're not happy about, or what people are doing or what this is so you're looking for bad news constantly. You're even subscribed to the whatever media outlets on social media that keeps giving you bad news. You're like eyes people again.
And so what does that do? What is what is that that constant? People are messed up mentality? Do you know what it does? It creates a false sense of moral superiority. These people are messed up. I'm I wish they were more like me. Why can't they mature themselves and reach the moral high ground that clearly I stand on? Above the clouds? So everybody else should be let you know what that is. That's the height of arrogance, isn't it? But when doesn't even realize it because maybe the people that you're criticizing or you're so angry about are right, justified, they're doing something wrong. And it isn't something good. But you know, what, if you look at this is so beautiful to hold on. So
balance this ayah. And the last time the last time we talked about he told his son in you know, encourage and stand by what is right, remember that stand by what's right and stand against what's wrong. What would we not do when Harlem will come right? But now look at how that equation is being balanced, standing by what's right. While at the same time not not turning your cheek at the people that are doing wrong.
You can call a wrong or wrong without getting angry at the people that are doing it.
You can stand for what's right without being hateful and spiteful towards someone you disagree with. You can say for Ibrahim alayhis salaam can say to his father who does terrible wrong. I don't think in the Quran, there's a bigger wrong and worshipping idols. And then on top of that, multiply, multiply that a square that even write a shake square. Not only is he doing ship, he manufactures the idols. He manufactures the idols. How does it right he might listen speak to his father. He's gonna do it on one card. He's gonna say don't do this, but he's gonna say your ability of Johnny Miller
and Samia, my beloved father, knowledge has come to me that hasn't come to you, man. He's correcting him. He's straightforward about correcting him, but he's still doing it lovingly. In other words, he's not are these wishes, Akina? Don't you know that you're gonna burn in hell if you do this like, and these people, all of them follow you. And this is the callin us. So don't confuse. I'm going to build my arrow from the previous hire and nanny and then one curve from the previous hire. So that you use that as a disguise. Oh, I mean, they say I'm enjoying the good and forbidding the evil. But actually, what you're just doing is turning your neck towards people, or because of people in other
words, you're just expressing frustration over people. Some people do this. Some people do this. Some people do this. Unfortunately for some people, you know what can happen and I hope it never happens to you. what might happen to you is your entire Islam and your entire learning of Islam is about how messed up some other people are. That's all you do with your learning of Deen. Like the only thing you ever learned about it. These people are so messed up. Let me tell you why. And these people are so messed up. Let me tell you why.
When you have learned naturally how I I turned my cheek from these people that these people have
Stand by what's right and stand against What's wrong, you don't have to comment on people.
principles is what we defend. And evil is what we stand against. We don't have to stand against people. We don't have to do that. In most cases, we're not talking about war. But in the war of ideas and morals and principles, these aren't personal attacks. And so he's teaching his son standing up and being morally upright and having integrity does not give you the license to be rude and to be judgmental and commenting and angry and frustrated with people don't turn don't conflate these two things with each other, then they don't go together. For some people, they do go together, but look at the wisdom, right? So he says what Adam Schiff is, then then he adds, well, Adam Schiff
will have the model.
And so first of all, don't be scoffing towards people and don't, you know, turn your cheek towards them and, and all of that. But then he says, well, Adam Schiff,
he says, Don't walk on the earth. And Mars can be translated as an expression of Faraj. And if the heart also don't walk on the earth, with so much pride, well, Adam Schiff, so one translation is don't walk on the earth with arrogance, or don't walk on the earth with pride. In other words, don't walk around like you're all that.
Right? Don't walk around, seeking attention. Don't walk around thinking, you know, I'm reminded of a silly story. But I'll dig deeper into this expression, because I think it deserves attention on its own was one time I was giving a lecture at a at a in a hall. And it was, you know, full of young people and all of that, and they're waiting for me to start. But before I was starting, I was just sitting there kind of somebody else was speaking at the time. And I was sitting at the table on either put this conference table, so all the speakers that are going to speak are Can you can see the audience, but they're up there on stage, right? So I see this one young man walk in, and it was
like nighttime, but he had sunglasses on because he thought, the cooling and I guess that was his thing. So he kind of walked in slowly, and he's doing the stripe, and he like kind of lowered his glasses and looked around.
And he noticed that nobody saw him, do his peacock dance, whatever thing he did. So he walked out and did it again three times.
See if anybody noticed that he's walked in.
So the seeking of attention can be a pretty sad thing. Well, Adam Schiff will have the model. But there are other layers to the word model. And this advice is as rich as the first one, the first one was led to a decline in us. And then the second advice, which culminates this ayah is well Adam Schiff is the matter which simply translated so far, is don't walk around on the earth, with pride. But actually another meaning of this can also be don't walk around on the earth impulsively. Don't be impulsive, as you walk around and inshallah we'll we'll dig into, you know, those meanings, and how we can apply that in our lives, and how that's particularly important for younger people, for
people that have just found their adulthood. They found that new, new newly discovered freedom and independence, and they have the world before them, the world, they've just been exposed to the entire world. So they can, they want to stay out later. And they want to, you know, hang out and travel or when you say, Where do you want to go to college, I want to go in out of state. Why cuz I want to be away from where I am. Now. I want to be unleashed from the cage that I'm in. There's a desire to be free and free and free. And here, he says, You aren't going to go free. It's inevitable. You are going to be on your own. But make sure you don't be you know, engage in murder
when you do it. So we're gonna have to explore that a little bit deeper. What is this timeless advice that he's given his son, and how we can learn from that? So I'll conclude with that for today. barakallahu li walakum filco Hakeem whenever any way he COVID it was declared Hakeem
hamdulillah salat wa salam O Allah. Allah Tina Safa. Susannah, follow him. Hartman Nabina Muhammad Al Ameen. Rhonda AlLahi wa sahbihi edgebanding Kala
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