Why And How To Give Advice?
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 8.23MB
Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan delves on the benefits of Salah and how the Prophets of Allah AS lay prominent stress on this most fundamental aspect while preaching the Deen to the Ummah.
One of the benefits of Salat is that we connect directly to Allah and hence, is supposed to bring light into our life. Every Salah is supposed to be a source of light in our life. Every salah is supposed to be us getting refueled, rejuvenated. When a person really established salah, when they really, truly establish salat in their life, then they feel a Noor, a light, a tranquility, peace, a calm, a love, that they’ve never felt before and the only place they get it is in salat and the highest form of that is described in the Qur’an as Qurrath ul’ ain. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ says that Salah is the coolness of his eyes and that the highest form of his tranquility was kept in the prayer, was put in the prayer and when he made salah, he found the most peace. And if this is the greatest gift that can be had in this world, a connection with Allah SWT, a relationship with the Master, then for everyone that we love, we will want them to have the same gift genuinely.
The Ustadh then emphasizes on the need for Sabr in our existence which is an endearing quality and is highly appreciated by Allah SWT.
A nice meal,
report, you know that it's important I know it's important.
After call after go after the chores, he takes it because something's missing.
I know this is good is different than saying, I know that this is something I have to do, I must do it, I don't have a choice. Allah didn't just teach the
wisdom that you should be grateful to Allah to show gratitude. showing gratitude is one thing. He understands that it's an honor, I have to do it. in everything I do in life, I have to show gratitude to a lot. It must invade. All of my actions, all of my thoughts, all of them have to be tinted with one thing, one color. And that's the color of being grateful to a lot, I have to find excuses to take a look at everything that I do.
And so when we read this advice that the man is giving his son, you must first understand, I must first remind myself, he's not trying to benefit benefit anybody else. First. He is himself trying to be grateful to Allah. And from what we learned from that is when you and I try to help our own family, when the father is in this audience, try to help their sons, when brother help tries to help another brother, the first motivation of that is not to help your brother. The first motivation is, for me to be grateful to Allah. It's not about someone else, it's about me first. I'm doing it only because I want to show first and foremost gratitude to a lot. This is an idea I'll come back to
towards the end of my book, because the end of his advice is tied to this concept. You might think it's a very simple thing. But it can get very complicated very fast, and we can lose sight of it very easily. So I take you towards the tail end of this advice, yada, yada, yada. You read these words 1000s of times, my beloved Son, the son that I love, yeah, if you need Arabic, yummy, yummy for yoga, even my son yagoona. Yeah, my beloved son, my dear son, it's like he's given them a hug, patting him on the back showing him love and dancing son. Listen.
You know, a lot of times fathers give sons advice, actually fathers, all they do is they give some advice. Right? Your son calls you on the phone, and all he hears on the other end is you do this and you do that.
You didn't do that. Okay, I gotta go.
Write your son's zoning by calling you anymore, because all they hear is advice. On the other hand,
a lot of times, especially as your sons get older, they have a hard time talking to their dad. Because dad is always correcting them. And they have, you know, young men get short tempers. So there's a lot of tension between father and son all the time, all the time. So this father is wise, right? electroless. In the beginning, he taught him wisdom. Part of his wisdom is when he talks to a son, he talks to him with love. How many fathers have teenage boys that talk to their boys with love that talk to them in a loving fashion that they're not threatened? Here he goes again. He's gonna start his lecture again. I know what's coming. Now. I see the look on his face, completely disarms
his son. He says, Yeah, one at
there's a difference in tone, isn't it? What's the hardest the hardest? Okay, fine. I'll pray because you're telling me to? And the other would say, Yeah, you're right, that I should pray
different results, different results entirely. So he says yeah.
And I'll just give you one of the one of the benefits of a lot
of this of this conversation. You know, our Salawat our prayers, literally the Arabic word salons from Sita, which is to connect their direct connection between us and Eliza women. They're supposed to bring a light into our life. Every salon is supposed to be a source of light in our life. Every salon is supposed to be us getting review, rejuvenated. When a person really establishes a lot. When they really truly established a lot of their life. Then they feel a new, alive a tranquility, of peace of mind.
alone, that there never felt before. And the only place to get it is insolence. And the highest form of art is described as color to it. And so the Messenger of Allah says some of
the coolest of my eyes, the highest form of my tranquility was kept in the prayer, it was put into prayer, what I did, so I find the most peace, basically, in simple words, when I mix a lot is find out what I find the most peace. So he gives us some loving advice and says, look, establish that real connection with a lot through.
Now, when you really experience that connection with a lot, if you can get that in your salon, then you learn not to be selfish, and you say not other people deserve this connection to
this is not just something for me. Others should benefit from this also. And if this is the greatest gift that can be had in this world, a connection with a lot of a relationship with the master, if that's what the greatest thing we can accomplish in this world, then for every one that you love, you would want them to have the same year
genuine, you would just genuinely wanted to have the same year. So the logical consequence is only logical that the next words in the IR, what would have been
100 in one
command to the good. What what By the way, right? Arabic means to advise, to suggest, to compel, to encourage also to command. In other words, you got to look for the right occasion. It's not always the time to command. Sometimes it's the time to suggest sometimes it's the time to advice, give advice. Sometimes it's a time to encourage, sometimes it is a time to come in. But if you're always commanding you lose your authority.
Nobody listens. If you're always yelling, you're always being a dictator. Your people under you will stop listening to you. They don't listen. And he said, Why don't you listen to me, I told you 10 times, well, that's because you saved 10 times I stopped listening. That's what happens. So what more
and also that is that's a separate conversation. But that which everybody knows to be decent call people do that. Now before I go on, I want you to understand what I'm trying to get at, I still haven't made my point yet in this book.
And that is a lot of times we do we do what we think is
trying to help other people out trying to correct them and how they makes a lot or how they're talking or how they're dressed or how they're behaving or where they're earning their money, or how they deal with their family situations or your
brother and what books you should read or whatever. We correct each other. And we think this is all what our will. And we think in our in our head. We think this how we think we're helping them out. We're helping them out.
First of all, your intention to help anybody else's was for us, you yourself to be grateful to a lot. And secondly, whoever you're helping out, the reason that you want to do that for them. On top of you being grateful to a lot is genuine love, genuine concern.
genuine love and concern. If you don't care about someone, you can't give them advice.
And when you give advice to someone you don't care about, they know you don't care.
You know, you don't care. They can tell.
You know what happens to us when we give advice, we get really angry
way to give advice. And so as I wind towards the conclusion of this book by I'm halfway through, I want to share with you one very peculiar example. Try and pay close attention to this example. Because it's one of the most in my mind, one of the most powerful examples of what I'm trying to get across
is unimaginably merciful.
And the Most Merciful of his names is a rock man.
You all know that.
And yet, there are a group of people on this earth who say that a lot has taken us somehow the longer celebrations around the corner. Yes. So now, alarms are just mentioned this is a
while ago, they said a rock band has taken a son.
He didn't say there's a lot of stickiness and he said a lot man has taken a son.
And then after that he expresses his anger to Jay and
it's understandable that an i Z's gets angry the authority gets angry. We experience that in this world. Authorities get angry.
It's understandable. We get angry. The powerful gets angry. It's understandable.
Someone who is going to calm the capable and possessing the power to take revenge gets angry. It's understandable. and Japan gets angry. It's understandable.
man gets angry.
don't expect anything. What do you expect? merci allama
And in the next time he displays his anger, it's something to wonder about. And really the results of that is as merciful as a lot is that one thing you people say. Now one thing you say to a lot of seeking a son even gets rid of that mercy of of what makes him sewing. And not only the lighting we listen to this guy to somehow to.
The third is the subject of that verb is not a nice disguise, unless the scars are about to tear open. Allah did not say he's about to tear them open. Allah said, the skies on their own, are about to tear open. Now what do you think about this? Somewhere on the street, there's somebody who says Jesus is Lord who heard it. That's the guy next to him. I didn't even hear about that far enough to hear him. But those words are so offensive and so heavy. They travel across the skies. And the entire skies are so offended, they're about to tear open, because somebody says a was taken a son. They're almost like I'm almost about to tear open, but I'll shut up. And the earth is about to crack
open. Just because they say lies taken aside.
I want you to keep that in mind. This is not my example yet. But I want you to keep that in mind. The same Christians a group of them from the john Mattel COVID john, they came to visit lots of the loving audiences. What makes a lot of angry you would argue logically, what makes a lot angry should make rasulillah and reasonable mahalo Salah watch Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says Yes, you've come to talk to me to see if I'm a prophet or not. You know what, let me put you up in executive suite residents, you stay in especially that level we
these Christians that believe.
debate the Messenger of Allah, they are not just going to say something offensive to a lot. They're going to be arguing with the Messenger of Allah. And with the messenger say you get to stay as honored guests inside the machine of the Prophet himself. So
not only that, you pray the way you pray in the lesson. He told them,
You pray, the way you're gonna bring inside the machine
is so peculiar. What do we learn from that? We learn as much as we hate that belief. As much as we despise that belief. We can't stand that belief, because we know how offensive it is to ally himself.
That hatred for that belief cannot translate into hatred for those people. It can't. And until they come with their own sound heart and sound judgment to Islam, we will not force them to change their ways, even if they're going to keep their ways up inside the house of Allah.
This is if you're going to see you do
you're not going to graduate over the practice of Allah's Messenger.
In everything he does, he's doing.
Everything he does is teaching.
That's part of his job. So maybe we don't understand what it means clearly. Maybe we haven't understood the matters of our knowledge, or our beliefs, we never compromise. But our behavior or behavior has to exemplify the behavior of a lot of messengers.
If you really develop a connection with Allah, you will learn to love the truth. And you will also learn to be patient with people around you. So he says,
One hand in one cup, when he adds something you're going to need without which you will not be able to do our model. And you will not be able to do that. You will not be able to tell anybody anything good. Whether it's inside your family or in a podium or niche or anywhere. You won't be able to tell anyone to do anything good. You will not be giving good advice ever, or stopping people from harmful activity ever. You won't be able to do it if you don't have this one ingredient, he says was very raw. So
be patient or whatever happens to you. Whatever falls upon you, you need to learn to deal with. Take it with a thick skin. Don't get offended. If anybody has a right to get offended. It's a last message or
if anybody has a right to get offended. No.
These are people that put up with a lot of stuff. You and I can't compare. Oh no, bro, you're telling me to be patient by trying to get my cousin advice. You only saw noxious. He's so disrespectful. My nephew, my niece, my cousin, my daughter, my sister, my brother. I don't even talk to them because they make me so angry. This isn't retarded things. Well, you know what much more offensive things have been said to messengers before and they learn to be patient year after year after year. Same exact people. Same exact people. What's the other Masada?
Let's compare the contrast because my time is running out. What I really wanted to highlight today. There is a group of people within the Muslim. I hope it's not me and I hope it's not you. I really honestly do. They think they're commanding.
Good, but all they're doing is their pride. Somewhere deep inside, they think they become better than people. And it's only that pride that they use that comes out as anger against others.
It comes out as anger, they get angry at other people very easily.
You know the expression for getting angry other people easily in Arabic. Sorry.
He swelled his cheeks to people
that face like that to people. They hear something he doesn't want to hear. He gets really perturbed his temper rises, can't stand it. Now listen to this advice. He told him be patient. How How do you Be patient? The other thing is how will I know I'm not being patient anymore? Look, one of the one who gives his son some litmus tests.
He says What are
those? Well, you're teaching people, those scoff at people. Don't be condescending to people. Don't be judgmental of people don't think you're better than people don't sell most people. Forget it. These guys don't know anything.
Don't have that attitude.
Don't be like that. Because you know, if you if that's the case, you've already already suffering from pride, your gratitude to allies God, who are you just people?
He's enough. He's enough as a judge. We're just there to reply. Another really quick example. I know my time is pretty much up. Really quick example. A lot of new ferrao is going to help. He knew that. He knew before. He knew what he's going to do, how he's going to even try to kill the leavers till the last breath he has. I mean, we know we read his story to pass over the guy kill babies. You understand what that looks like? Your kids. I'm six kids. I can't imagine if I if I try to picture it. I can't I have to stop.
He killed 1000s of babies every other year. If you want to think of it, he will have a picture next to it in the dictionary. But when you get a picture of a new he's gonna go to hell. But yet, when Musashi Sarah was told to go talk to him, about holding him.
Maybe he'll become pure.
Maybe he'll just maybe something good is inside and maybe
he doesn't want to judge
a lot already knows. You. And I can't tell
you and I have to assume the best.
The best of all people
don't walk on the earth like you will accomplish something Mark
Cuban right. It speaks intense pride and have like a really high IQ. I told those guys today, and it's a real model.
I told that guy good. I showed him the hoodies and everything. Put him in his place.
We use a religion to further our own fight sometimes.
That's a religion that came to humble the believer. We use it to show our power to others. To show our supremacy others what's at stake we've come into. So before you think of the plight of others, this is a father giving advice to his son after he told them to
conquer and if you don't have your MMR open your neck will take the wrong turn. You'll start swelling your cheeks and people you're going to start walking on the earth with pride in the long standing support. Allah does not love anybody that is methodical. That is one of the Arabic words for someone who's you know, arrogant, but it's a very interesting word it comes from if the outcomes from chaos, tell us to wonder. This guy is amazed with himself, man.
Give me a lot of knowledge. It's my responsibility to save the world.
If I don't do it, how's it gonna ever happen?
I'm very impressed with himself every time he goes in. In South somebody in the name of a light passes on the back. It is really accomplished something was done. For who? full of pride, full of a sense of accomplishment. What sets the machine By the way, you know how people get angry. When when you give somebody advice they don't take your advice you get angry. That's a good check of giving advice for the wrong reason.
The fact that you get angry the fact that I get angry is a proof of our areas. It is a proof of our area because the response to our advice not being taken is the response of the prophets. It is solid.
To solid. Well that response is not clear. You know what's going to happen? Imagine this leave you with this practical because it is very practical. Just picture to see you're giving somebody advice, they laugh at you. They insult you or advice you know what you do not typically you get up and walk away and you don't just walk away slowly. You storm up.
The next bit of advice is laxity mushy balance yourself in your walk. Slow down.
Take it easy. What do you think you do?
When you see somebody storming out, that's an expression of anger. Well,
lower your voice what happens when people get angry? raise their voice.
They can't, they can't take it anymore. Look at our logical devices. If you're going to do our tomorrow
you will need Southern and how do you have Southern Don't be judgmental people don't walk out of the conversation, lower your voice. And finally he says in a squat that's what the nastiest of the sounds of the sound of a donkey to bring up a donkey. Why didn't like compare the human being to a donkey desire? You know, a donkey put loads on it.
Books, you know, clothing articles back in the day the trucks were donkeys. You put stuff on it, you put stuff on it, and it carries it carries it until you put so much it can't carry anymore. And at that point, what does it do? It makes a nasty sound.
Sounds good homies. When you load too much on it. Just like that. You say, Man, this guy keeps putting me down. He keeps testing my patience and patience and patience. He keeps loading on me and loading on me until I can't take anymore.
I explode unless at that point where you can't take any more. That is what you and I will learn whether we have someone or not.
That's the time not to become a donkey. Before that. Oh, well.
The first part of the first phase of anger is insanity when you go crazy like a donkey. I mean, you're crazy and afterwards you will regret what's the point of regretting it after we're sorry, bro. I got so angry. I couldn't control myself. You know, I get like that sometimes like I mean, like came up? No, no, no. We have to be people have some May Allah give us the understanding the proper understanding of spending will make us a people that can control their anger, just out of being grateful to a large image and then he gave us the opportunity to take some blessing of his deeds. we eliminate those who give advice in the most in the best possible way in the most sincere
possible way and will not put back on his own and his power into the sincere advice that we give and the word us and those who listen to our advice as a result. barakallahu li walakum
wa salatu salam ala
I mean, while he was
Colorado, he said a lot of Masada will come somebody, Mohammed
Milan lot in the locker room
where you don't even put up
with a little money. Luckily
there are a lot of people standing in the back