Khatira – The 6 Love Languages P2
Channel: Nadim Bashir
File Size: 16.53MB
Staying shallow. We're continuing what we did last week Inshallah, and we began discussing that there's a very well known book known as The Five Love Languages. And we cover three of them last week today, inshallah we're gonna cover the next three, you're saying, you know, 336, yes. So even though there are five love languages, but I've added one more to add the Islamic component to this concept. So first of all, we covered last week, can you remember anyone remember what we covered last week? And it has been one week. Usually we don't even we forget about what the Imam read that same day in salata, I understand that
this was a one his gift.
Quality time very good.
And words of affirmation, Mashallah. So, so there's words of affirmation. Number two is quality time number three was giving gifts. Today, you show them the next three art
acts of service. Now let me explain what that basically means it means to help each other in their life. Let me explain this. The reason why I'm going to explain this is because today we have a very serious problem when it comes to our families. And I will say that, especially when it comes to the younger families, you see this problem more and more common. And that is that yes, there are a hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, where it is mentioned that the Prophet saw some he will come inside the house, and he will help her around the house. He was sometimes if his sandals would break, he would knit his own sandals, he will fix his own sandals, he will go and he will milk
the animals, as you know whenever he wanted to, and so forth. But the point is that the Prophet SAW Allah while he was some he was a man that while he has certain obligations, as a prophet, to propagate the deen to answer people's questions and to serve as a community leader, he also have to run around the house. Now, that does not necessarily mean that it because often you're going to have some people who are going to go to one extreme and say that the husband should go inside the house, and they should help in in all the affairs of the house. And they're gonna there's gonna be one other extreme who's gonna say that the husband should not help at all, and just come take care of
your responsibilities outside and go home and do nothing and let the wife take care of everything, or Dean has always taught to balance. What that basically means is that yes, there's I have no problem saying this, that the man has the primary responsibility to go outside to earn an income to spend on the family. Why? Because Allah subhanho wa Taala said, so this is his obligation. Regina muda Allah Nisa, Fidel, Allahu Baba, whom Allah Baldan will be my un* woman, I'm one to him. This is Allah subhanho wa Taala mentioned this about the man, Allah did not mention this about the woman, her primary responsibility is not to go and earn an income. Yes, and she has a career, she wants to
pursue a career, that's a different case, but her primary responsibility is not to earn an income. And that also means that if that her primary responsibility is to stay at home and take care of the domestic responsibilities, take care of the children providing a ton of via is there great is there one of the most important responsibilities of a woman today, this feminist mentality is teaching us that the woman is not dignified the only way she will earn dignity and respect and the only way she will be she will have a high regard is if she leaves the house and she goes outside the house. Once again, the the typical way the universal way that it has always been worked is the man goes outside
the house, the woman primarily stays at home and if she has to go, if she has to go, then I will say this also because you know, we have to set the record clear. And while some are scared of saying these kinds of things, I have no problem saying these kinds of things. If a woman goes outside also and she earns, okay, then if her domestic responsibilities are lacking, then she has to use her money to overcome that. Okay, let me make that very clear. But give me an example. If a woman is going outside, okay, if a woman is going outside, and she is earning for herself, while for example, the house is left unclean, okay, if the house is unclean, now, let me take a step back and first of
all, say this.
I'm talking about in a situation where the man is earning enough that it will take care of all the the responsibilities of the house, like everyone will be taken care of Alhamdulillah things will go easy in an unsafe situation like that I'm talking about. If there's a case where the husband is not making enough that the wife has to work, then things are going to change a little you understand what I'm talking about right now is the case where the man will hundra he has a gun
But enough job, that she is not required to work to take care of their financial, you know, responsibilities or to take care of their, you know, take care of everything that they need. I'm talking about that kind of situation. So, once again, in that situation, if the woman chooses to go outside and work, then in that case, if she needs to clean up the house, and she cannot, and she brings a maid, in that case, the husband does not pay for the money, she pays for that money, you're saying, This is how it works. So anyway, the point I'm trying to make is this, in a hut in Germany and any family situation, there are roles and responsibilities to the husband, there's roles or
responsibilities of the wife. And time to time, when we talk about acts of service, while the if the wife is in a situation where she could be in any kind of difficult kind of situation, then in that case, the husband should step in and support and help his wife, if she's in a situation where she's a gym, for example, you know, you're, you know, that your wife is going to the doctor's, for example, she has a doctor's appointment, and you know that she's going to get out and she's going to be a time crunch, to go and pick up the children, as a husband, you can step in and help out there your son, this is what it means acts of service, it doesn't necessarily mean it does, it does also
mean that you can go out, go home and help around the house. But the reason why I'm talking about this also is because today in most families, especially the younger families, they are literally keeping a score, okay? They are literally keeping scores. This is how many times I clean the house, that sometimes you clean the house, this is how many times I vacuum, this how many times your vacuum, it doesn't work like this, your son, it does not work like this, women have their primary responsibility to take care of the domestic responsibilities, once in a while a husband steps in and helps out is a different case here instead. So this is what that means. It also means that even when
it comes to the to the responsibilities of the husband, if he's in a jam, the wife should step in time time and help out with his for example, if the dry cleaner needs to be picked up, she understands that my husband is running late, he was stuck at work, some meeting took place a little longer than in that case step and try to help them out. And it doesn't have to be you know, this is another issue that we have today in our families is that we we feel that I should not tell you what I need, you should understand it and do it on your own. Why do I have to tell you that I need some help? This is wrong. If there is some help that you need? Why should you feel it so formal? That you
need to ask your spouse that can you help me out? This formality does not exist within family, your assent between a man and his wife, there should be no kind of formality that you should understand what I want. If a husband needs help, he should ask his wife. And if a wife needs help, she should ask her husband. formalities are for other people formalities are not necessarily between a husband and wife. So helping each other out in the air in certain areas of life. This is what brings a husband and wife together. The next thing that's also very important that the fifth link love language is physical touch. Now, when we talk about physical touch, often people think the major
type of physical touch, and I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about the minor type of physical touch. What that basically means is that if we want and of course majority of our families are in a struggle, the majority their families are breaking apart. Because the primary reason one of the key primary reasons I've seen is that major physical touch does not exist. And often it happens that when kids you know they come into the world and so forth, that begins to take a backseat. It's very important that we are there for each other, but before that, the first comes the minor physical touch. What does that mean? It means that for example, that doing small gestures, where there is
some kind of physical touch is very important. For example, this will also allow why somebody has mentioned that while I saw the Allahu Allah would go through her monthly cycles. At that time was awesome, He will put His head his head on the life of Aisha Radi Allahu anha. That type of physical touch is what I'm talking about. Or we learned also from the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. This is actually found in January Timothy, where one time a group of people came inside measure the number we the Prophet SAW, some was measured, and they were performing some kind of act. It was not a worship, it was not a religious act. It was some kind of cultural act. That time was
Lhasa Allah somebody was standing he was observing. And I saw the hola Juan, our mother, because she was in stature or like in terms of a physical or in terms of her physique. She was shorter than the Prophet salallahu Salam, she's always what she did was that she stood on something, and she put her chin on the shoulder of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam
Okay, so just sort of like leaning on the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So on with one hand, she's, she's leading, the chin is on the other shoulder powercell And she's observing, that kind of physical touch is also mentioned the Hadith, why? Because that physical touch is also important. Or we also find that one like whenever any wife of the Prophet sallallahu or your son would cry, for any reason, you know, they can become emotional, they can feel, you know, they can feel heard about anything. One time when the wives of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Sofia or the Allah Juana, she began to crying Why? Because while they were traveling, her camel was a slowest amongst
everyone. So she felt hurt about that. So she began to cry a little. Now, often what happens is that some you know, we we look at, imagine our, in our situation, we would look around and tell our wife grow up, you know, that's the first thing was a grow up, come on, grow up, it's not a big deal. Grow up. That's what we say Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam did not do that he came to the SOFIA to the Allah Juana. And he basically wiped her tears off, there isn't that physical touch is what that is meant over here, that is very, very important. If the minor physical touch does not exist in a marriage, the major one is going to take a major backseat, you understand this, the minor leads to
the major. Likewise, we also find that sometimes when the wife of the person would want to get onto the, the animal Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he would come and sometimes he would offer his knee as a stepstool. So he will stand there with his knee like this, they will step on his feet, and they will get on the animal. So this, even this in itself, is documented in the Hadith. Why? Because it's a lesson for you and I, that even when it comes to our spouse, these kinds of physical things, these physical minor type of touches, is very important. kissing her on the forehead one time here, and there is something very important and SubhanAllah. You know, when it comes to the
kids, I have to say this, once again, there's always going to be two extremes. One extreme is the culture that many of us we come from, we don't show any type of love and affection to our spouse. Not at all. Because we feel that it's very, very taboo. It's haram, it's not right at all, and so forth. And often we say, you know, but ticket Ganga, you know, where the kids are gonna say, and so forth. So we have to understand that once again, our culture may say that even the slightest amount of showing affection is wrong. But our Hadith teaches us the Sunnah the power, I think some teaches us that that concept is wrong to begin with, you're saying, because the Prophet Allah is some did
the same thing with his own spouses. At the same time, we have to also understand that there are levels of hierarchy. And there are, you know, we have to apply higher in our life. So it is important that I husband and wife they show that what are the Islamic limitations? Yes, of course, there's a certain relationship that exists between husband and wife. But when it comes to in front of the children, there's only a certain limit that we should do your ascent there are some families. So highlight, I've sat down with some youth before, and sometimes what they told me about their own parents, they go out all you know, they go very beyond, in front of the children. And of course,
once again, we don't go to that extreme. We keep everything in limitations, you understand what I'm trying to say, okay? But the point is that this kind of physical touch these small, you know, small minor touches, very, very important. The last thing which pretty much I've added here is the spiritual component, okay, the spiritual component, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and his wives, he will always push his wives to come close to Allah subhanho wa taala, he will always remind his family to come close to Allah subhanho wa Taala at the time of the 100 the prophet saw some will come to the eyes of the Allahu anha and, you know, just, you know, take some water and just like,
you know, do like this, you know, he would like just throw some water on her face, okay? Not a bucket, okay? Just, you know, just, you know, a little and, and then if I saw the alarm on her would wake up, she would wake up, if she did not wake up. The problem will not scold her afterwards, you know, I came to you, I woke you up, you know, you don't have any respect, you did not wake up and so forth. If she would wake up, she will recur. If she cannot wake up, she could not wake up, but nonetheless the Prophet sallallahu it was some he would always push his family And subhanAllah this is something that we learn from all of our Gambia. In fact, if you study Ibrahim Ali has some story.
And especially when we go for hydrogen when we go for Amara, what are we doing? We are reviving the legacy of not only Ibrahim Ali Islam but the family of Ibrahim Ali Islam. See when when a husband and wife and a family they work with each other and coming close to Allah subhana wa Taala that is very beloved very dear to Allah subhana wa Tada because as an individual, you can do all your EBA yourself, but to take your entire family to push your entire family together, because often what happens in many
Families is that sometimes the wife will becomes you know, they will become they will excel in religion very much. And they will begin to study and take holidays and so forth. And what happens is that she looks behind to her entire family, her husband, her kids, and what she's doing, and she's excelling and they're being left behind. And then she, you know, she feels something that I'm superior, they are nothing and so forth. And the opposite also happens to that sometimes the husband excels in his religion, so much so that the family the wife and the kids get left behind. And he has this you know, this superiority kind of complexity to himself that I'm better than them and they are
inferior and they're no good and so forth. But once again, where we learn from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is a yes one may be excelling than the other, but that also means that coming back to your family, and pushing your entire family closer to Allah and to His Prophet Allah while he was sending this spiritual component is one of the most is probably the most important component in any marriage. Because if our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala is strong, our relationship or a relationship between a husband and wife will also be strong, but if that relationship is severed, then this relationship will also be severed. So that is why in any marriage
the key the key focus should be is pushing each other to earn Allah subhanaw taala as pleasure Ramadan is coming, push each other compete with each other, okay, compete with your spouse, how many times she gonna finish the Quran or how many times he's gonna finish the Quran, compete with each other this is something very important also, you can you know, wake each other for pm especially last night, some people like to come to a budget some people like to stay at home, it's fine. But if you stay at home for example, wake each other up push each other to pray more and more pm for coming to the masjid push each other to stand for the entire pianos and so forth. So, these are things the
spiritual component is another love language that if we can apply in our life inshallah it will make tremendous amount of improvements in our life. So these are the six I want to share the Shall I ask ALLAH SubhanA without to make us amongst those who apply these kinds of things in our life and a little bit I mean, what does that communicate us and I'm already going to label cattle. Got the F law help me know.
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