Family Issues #15 – Dont Blame OthersinaFamily

So in Sharla, today, again, once again related to the subject of family. And I want to sort of highlight or reflect on as you all know what happened in Allen several days ago. And I will say this that last night actually I was driving and I received a text message that there has been a another incident and Alan they don't know yet if it was I we have not found out if they are Muslim or not. But in just in the same week, there's been another situation and Alan have a murder suicides, that kind of situation will almost the iron that we don't know yet if they're Muslim or not. But going back to the one that took place earlier during the week, and I was sort of reading online, about how

these kinds of incidents, they do trust transpire in our family. So you have to understand that there was a well, we all know that there was a child, three to four year old girl who drowned who had a there was a drowning, death, and despair. And after that the family, what do we know? And will Allahu Allah, only Allah Subhana? Allah subhanaw taala knows best? But will we all know that then the family went through a very great, like a very deep depression kind of state that caused them to lead to a situation that of course, you know, we don't like to hear about. And so, you know, I was reading up on this, that how do these kinds of things psychologically, how do they build up within a

family. And there was something that was mentioned in that research about what happens in many families. And I will tell you, honestly, that when I have counseling, and when people come to me for counseling, and so forth, I see the same thing happening with within many families. And what I'm trying to talk about and highlight here is that when things go bad in a family, it could be regarding anything I will say, regarding health, regarding finances, regarding relationships, regarding challenging kinds of situations, one of the most, one of the most common things I've seen happening within many families, is that there's a lot of blame that goes around and within a family,

someone is looking for someone to make them responsible for the situation. And what I read about even this, that perhaps this is what their theory is that when the child died, perhaps there was a lot of blame going around the who's responsible for this, because this is the human tendency, by the way, this the human nature in anything, when something happens in your life, you always try to find someone to to, to put the blame on it. And the last one anyone puts the blame on is who themselves. We don't like to take accountability, or take a responsibility for anything in life, we always would try to put the blame on someone else. Okay? Why Did something happen at work because of this

coworker, because of this boss, because of that person? You know, because the situation, anything in life, anything in life, you try to find explanation. And I can tell you that in this kind of situation, also, perhaps what may have happened also, is that when there's a death in the family, someone is looking for answers. If there's, you're talking about a drowning kind of situation, you're looking for answers, you're trying to look for an explanation. You're trying to find someone to put the blame on and you when you cannot and you run out of options, and then there is depression that sets in and so forth. First of all, is that regarding this matter, I do have to say one thing,

and this is where Subhanallah you really have Wallahi will Allah He I say Cymbala so much appreciation for who Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was

today, people cannot bear Of course we love our children. Of course, any family emotionally, they will be so hurt, and they will be devastated with the loss of one child. But have we ever thought about Rasulullah sallallahu it was setting them not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, but six.

This man will love you when I think about us allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, this man buried six children with his own hands. Yet, not once did Roswell Salem emotionally lose his sanity, emotionally lose his mental sanity. Not once there was loss of law while he was selling was was able. He said, You know what I've been through enough in my life. I'm not doing this prophethood business anymore. Now once did he say to Allah subhanho wa Taala Enough is enough. Not once the complete to Allah subhanho wa taala. Think about it for a moment here. six children

And you still are able to continue your mission. And you still are able to continue being a leader of a community, you're continuing to counsel others and give glad tidings to others and be there for the needs of your community. Will Allah He blows my mind? Thinking about what what a strong person was? Was Was the Allahu alayhi wa salam Wallah, you think about it, six children.

Second thing is that I remember after this there was one person who came to me he said that, you know, he had a lot of questions about the other of Allah subhanho wa taala. Why does Allah do this? Why is Allah do that? And one thing I will I will say also regarding that

is not our job to question Allah other. Our job is when it comes to other is to believe in others Simple as that. We're not allowed to deny other, we have to believe in it, we may not be able to make sense of it. Because this is something way beyond our pay grade. Simple as that we cannot understand the language of Allah subhanho wa taala. We leave it to Allah subhanaw taala. But the point is of this entire heart that going back to what I said earlier, this idea that I see many families, when things go bad, and families, people often want to blame each other. And what does Ardene say about this idea of blaming each other, when things go bad, I take you back all the way to

the life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to the Battle of heart in the Battle of orphans Rasulullah sallallahu, ala some of you all know that he posted 50 people to guard a certain map of passageway. And while those 50 people were there, they were guarding the passageway. Everything was fine. The Quraysh were starting to retreat, the Quraysh were starting to face defeat, Muslims could see victory, and the Muslims were in a control complete control of the situation. The minute they left their positions, and they came down to collect the spoils of war. That is when they began to suffer as a result of them moving, taking stepping away from their position. What happened, the

Muslims, they suffered casualties. As a result, what happened Rasulullah salAllahu alayhi wasallam was injured as a result of them moving and not taking their positions or leaving their positions. Many they had to initiate for for a brief moment, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and the Sahaba they had to sort of retreat into the mountains of Ohio. Just to just to her I mean, because the Prophet saw someone was hurt at that time, just to help us allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and it was during that brief moment, the rumor began to spread and oh heard, that was allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has died and that is where the iPad came. Well Mohammed Dawn, Allah

Rasool, Allah communicably Rasul Muhammad SAW some is nothing but a prophet. You don't worship the Prophet, you follow the lifestyle of the Prophet you worship who only Allah subhanho wa taala. So even if the prophet is not in your mitts, you continue to fight Simple as that. But of course, also our son was able to reemerge, he came he supported, and of course, the Quraysh went away. And the muscles were of course, you know, there were just then retreating and just trying to reel from all these sufferings. After this, think about the province, Asana for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you're hurt. Hamza has died. Once I've been oh my

god, Allahu Anhu has died. Another 70 More companions have died all together. Then not only that, the province has Salam he lost a tooth, the province Salam was injured. Any person who was in Rasulullah sallallahu, it was some situation will say, You know what, I need find I need to find someone to put the blame on yes or no, it's common. It's logical. If you have suffered, you're going to feel like you know what, I need to find the source of all this. So what did he do? He go back all the way to the source and where did it all began? When few people it has mentioned that when the property isn't posted 50 people, some books I've seen I mentioned that 10 people left their

position. Some spokesman said I mentioned that there were 20 people who moved from their position. Nonetheless, people didn't move from their position as a result they suffered. Now Rasulullah sallallahu it was some could have come right and hold those 10 or 20 people accountable because of you. This is all happening today. Because of you. Well, I suffered because of you the Sahaba suffered. What did Allah subhana wa told us was Allah while he was

he says you are not to do that. And before the poverty is even got there, to put put to put the blame on anyone else. Rasulullah Salallahu Salam is reminded by Allah subhanho wa Taala for Bhima Rama to mean Allah He Lin Tala be calm with them. Be nice with them. Be gentle with them.

You need to show your Rama and your mercy. When there are issues going on and within a family, when there are challenging times within a family, it could be even a death of a person. But at that time, instead of putting the blame on each other, show Rama and mercy to each other, in times of difficulty ever in life, you always show Rama and mercy. Even that is why in the eye of the Quran related to the subject of Nika when Allah subhanho wa Taala says, what Allah bayonet Kuma word datain Rama mawatha Eros, my love and mercy, the Almighty say, you apply love in the good times of your marriage, and you apply Rama in the difficult times of your marriage, when you're going through

turmoil in your marriage and so forth. So Allah subhanaw taala is telling the prophets of salaam because he's suffering he's he you know, he's simply recovering from all this. And he says Allah Allah, Allah, Allah Allah says that Be gentle with your Sahaba are the Allah Tala. And at that time, it is not the time to look for who is responsible. Don't put the blame on someone else. Show your Rama to each other. While Oh couldn't have been hollyball. I'll be learned from Domon Holic Allah subhanaw taala is telling the Prophet SAW Salem that if you are going to be hard hearted, if you're going to be harsh towards them, and go after them, learn for them and how long they will go away

from you. Even within a family when you try to find the blame. Or you try to put the blame on someone. This causes a rift in the family. Then the husband and the wife slowly and gradually they tear apart and the children began to tear apart and the whole family becomes disunited when Oh couldn't afford one. I'll be done for lumen Holic five four on home, forgive each other let it go. Five Four on home is not just for forgiving. By means that of course we cannot forget they say forgive and forget. Of course I'm not saying that you can forget if there's been a tragic situation in your family. You cannot forget about it. But you have learned how to go past it. You have learned

how to move past it in life far fine home was still Fila home and you seek forgiveness from each other and forgive each other was Shah with whom Phil Ahmed and you continue to consult with each other because much for our Shura within a family brings the hearts together when you consult with each other and every single thing. People have people feel valued in a family. If I as a person as a father, if I don't consult with anyone in my family regarding anything, everyone in the family is going to feel devalued. No people are going to feel that you know what they don't care about my opinion. And anytime a person feels in a family that they're not valued in a family will lie he they

emotionally disconnect from the family. That's why we always seek consultation from each other Rasulullah sallallahu it was setting them in the most difficult time in his life. This is a time where her baby took place he had to sign the treaty with the Quraysh it was a one sided agreement the Quran said to the provinces some you can do aamra This here the primary assumptions okay no problem. Then he said that then they said if someone comes here to Mackay we will keep them okay no problem. But if someone comes to Medina, you have to return them back to Makkah. Okay, no problem. First of all, some agreed to all their terms and many Sahaba it was defeat. Allah subhana wa Tada

said, What on the contrary, in Fatah Hana, like a fat hammer, Bina, everyone thinks that you have been defeated, but you were victorious, you won at the end of the day. And then after that, what happened? When this habit of the Allahu Anhu they're still in their homes, they don't know what to do. At that time. Rasulullah sallallahu is on one two, who in the most critical time he went to his family. He went to his family after the day to consult with them. He went to OMA selama Ravi Allah Rana who was accompanying Roswaal, some in that journey. And she said jasola go and cut your hair and release yourself from their home. And everyone else will follow your follow your follow your

steps. And as well some did exactly that. He went He released himself from the ROM and the Sahaba watching Rasul Allah salAllahu Alaihe Salam, they follow the footsteps of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, which teaches us that we always consult with our families. So point is Lastly, the most important thing is, we all are going to go through many challenges in life, relate to family relate to finances related to it could be death, or it could be anything that goes on in our life. And often when families come together and they want to put the blame on each other. First of all, always remember this happened through who the father of Allah subhanaw taala. Number two is that

always learn from your past going forward, but you don't hold the past you don't. You're not held back by the past, move forward in life. Forgive each other show Rama to

each other in a time in a critical time in any family. People need to show love to each other. That is what we're supposed to do. And then finally, always work with each other in the family. Always consult with each other when when Allah says what shall we at home Phil Ahmed that means that work with each other, work with each other and do things together, consult with each other, talk to each other. Always keep that bond and that communication path open between the two of you between husband and wife and things are inshallah will prosper. So ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala once again, I'm talking about this in light of what has happened at the same time this is something that I see in

many families, many women have come to me oh my husband blames me for this he blames me for this he blames me for this and then I have husbands coming. My wife has blamed me for this blame me for this blame me for this and the fingers. When the blame game starts, then the hearts become disconnected. And when it comes to our families, our hearts have to be united in order for us to have a successful family. Ask Allah subhana wa Tada give us the fifth inshallah. What is that going to love? Hey, Saddam, was he going to live

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