Nadim Bashir – Khatira – Forcing Children to Get Married

Nadim Bashir
AI: Summary © The challenges of marriage during the COVID-19 pandemic highlight the need for a "verbal" approach to marriage, avoiding double-standing and disclosing race or ethnicity. The importance of culture and avoiding double-standing is also emphasized. The need for a "verbal" approach is also emphasized, with parents being urged to avoid disrespecting their children and finding suitable wives and partners. Additionally, the importance of finding suitable wives and finding suitable partners is emphasized, with a need for daily check-ups and regular "slack behavior" checks.
AI: Transcript ©
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So how Allah, Ramadan finishes, and we are here in the season of summer. And so how long are so many people are getting married

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and Hamdulillah? And

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and there's so many questions. So hello so many questions I never I actually thought that these questions will not come up and they will probably come up once in a while. But there's been so many questions that have been coming up regarding, you know, family related matters, that I feel like that I want to just take the opportunity and just address some of those questions that have come up. And also you might be thinking that, well, I'm already married, these questions didn't really apply to me, but these are just, this is part of our deen and this is something that we have to learn. When it comes to the matters of our deen. The very first thing is I had a father who came to me and

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he was complaining that my kids don't want to get married. And he says that can you give me an idea of the Quran or Hadith that I can go home and just, you know, that you have to get married? And I'm like, well, there's nothing in the Quran and Sunnah. That says that you have to absolutely get married. Now, here's what our deen has taught us, first of all, is that we've seen from the life of the prophet saw Salem, that people when they were younger, they will get married. Often quickly. We see even our culture like for many of us, we come from countries that where kids get married and youth get married at a very young at a very young age. Now while that's okay, and culturally, that's

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absolutely fine. Our Deen does not mandate that people at people who are absolutely young and they want to get married. And you know, you should or actually I will say you push people into marriage and so forth. Rather, if the kids get a little older, and they choose to pursue their career, for example, there are a lot of youth that I know that they don't want to get married right away, because they have embarked on a journey of their career, knowing that if I get married, then I will have to put my career on hold. Or if I have to continue my career, and I have to continue my studies, I will not be able to give attention to my wife or my husband. And that situation, if the

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youth they choose to, you know, prolong the situation or delay the situation. And as I say, in English, kick the can down the road and delay the marriage for a bit and they're not engaging in any kind of haram, then that's absolutely fine. We don't have to necessarily push our kids into getting married especially there's a cultural mindset that especially when it comes to the girls, unfortunately, they if they're not married by the age of 20, then there's something that goes around the company that there's there's something wrong with this girl. Why is she not married at the age of 20? Why should I marry that age of 22? Why should I made the age of 25. And once again, when we

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spread these kinds of problems, and all these kinds of things in our community. This is where the problems that occurred. So this is why the very first thing is once again, this father came to me and asked me and I told him the simple answer that you don't have your kids are not obligated to get married, if they choose to delay their marriage, that's absolutely fine. But making sure that if they start to fall into haram, then they that is when they need to get married at that particular situation. The next question that many people have asked me is about once again, kids coming to the parents and saying they want to get married. Now, our dean has always taught us that there is a

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balance, there's always a balance. First of all, is that our Dean has taught us that when there is a boy or suitable spouse, and they have been in a headlock, the province has some did not say anything about race, the province of not say anything that which country they belong to, or which city they belong to, or which ethnicity they belong to. The Prophet SAW Selim said, what Dean and o'clock if they have the o'clock fuzzle we do who the Prophet saw the prophets Allah use, I'm saying that get them married. Now, usually, in this kind of situation, I've seen many times where the willies the fathers of the brides of their girls, if they don't like the guy, simply because he does not count

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he does not come from the same ethnicity, or the same background or the same culture, they usually just turn it down immediately, not looking at whether that person has been or flog they simply just they shut down their proposal. And they they don't even want to look at it as the responsibility of a father as a police, especially when you have daughters. Our responsibility is to ensure that we look after their affairs if they come to us. And there is a person who has been who has a HELOC, then that in that situation, it becomes our moral obligation to get them married. Now, I'm not saying that we cannot look at culture, yes, we can look at culture. There's nothing wrong with that

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in our books of FIP. There are chapters called Bible Khufu that, you know you talked about compatibility. We talk about people who come from different backgrounds or same backgrounds and same ethnicity. There's nothing wrong in looking at that. But when you have a good proposal coming to you and they have Dean o'clock and we just delay it and we say no because of cultural reasons that we're doing an injustice with the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu

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even send them at the same time, the balance is that when our kids and this is to the youth, especially, it is unfair when our youth come to our parents, and they say, I need to get married right now. And they don't have a job, they don't have anything lined up in their life, they're still unstable in their life and so forth. Their problems are, they're still studying, they're dependent on their parents, for those youth for you to come to your parents, and put this big load of expectation on them that I need to get married right now, that's also unfair. And the reason why a lot of times our youth to get to that point is that they've already began texting someone else.

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They're already texting a girl, they're already texting a guy. And it's gotten to the point where the only thing that's next is dinner. And then they come to the parents and they say, you have to get us married right now, that's wrong for you to do, or Dean has taught us that even when you want to engage, when you need to talk to someone of the opposite gender, there is a Doublelift out there are a dive in there are etiquettes that we have to apply. If we apply those adapting those etiquettes, we will not put ourselves in that kind of situation. And hence, we will not put our parents in that kind of situation. So yes, for the parents, that we asked when the when the time

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comes, and there is your children, your child comes to you, then you should look into the situation, don't go simply jump into it. Look at a situation if it's suitable you move forward. And for our youth, the balance is that making sure you don't put your own parents that kind of situation where you've got to the point that you're gonna, you're gonna commit haram, and then you come to your parents and you put this big burden upon them. That's unfair for you to do to your parents. Another thing that's very important is if the parents want their children to marry, get married to someone, and that child says I don't want to get married to them. And that situation, this is not considered

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as a disobedience. If the child says I don't want to get married to this person, that you want me to get married to what a boy or girl, it is not a disobedience. Many parents feel disrespected. That how dare I raise my child, I fed my child, I put a roof over their head. And now when the time comes for them to get married, they're not getting married to who I want them to get married to. Why? Because they are the ones who have to spend their entire life with and they may have kids together too. So that's why it is not considered as a disobedience. Another thing that's also very important when it comes to our deen a question that comes a lot of times is living with in laws. It's a one of

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the most common questions that come up is in my obligate to live with my in laws. First of all, is there is nothing wrong. If you live with your in laws. There is nothing in our deen that says it is not allowed. However, we have to also understand that it cannot be enforced upon someone. If a boy and a girl if a whole potential husband and wife, they're talking to each other families are talking to each other. And they say that she will have to come and live with us. And she agrees there's nothing wrong with that. If they say that, well, you have to come and live with us and she says okay, I not want to but now Okay, fine. The situation is such I'll come and live. There's nothing

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wrong with that either. But at the same time, there is nothing that you cannot I've had situations also where I've seen where the lady has said the bride, the potential bride. She says, I don't want to live with your parents. In that situation. She's not being disrespectful to your parents. And that case, that's her right? If she says I don't choose to live with your parents, it doesn't mean that she's being disrespectful. It's just that she needs her own privacy. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he got married to her these are the Alana before that he was living with who he was living with Abu Talib. Now he could have after he got married, he got berhadiah into his own

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house into the house of Bhutan. But he did not do that. He got his own quarter, he got his own place to live. Each wife of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, they have their own place to live. So once again, it's absolutely fine also, if the wife says, I want my own plays, mean before marriage, she makes that demand and she makes that condition. And later on she has that desire and look at the situation once again, looking at the situation working things out, then it is absolutely fine. On the other hand, we have to also understand that in our cultures, unfortunately, If a man goes and he lives with his in laws, If a man goes and lives with his in laws, it is considered as so much as I

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can I you know, why is this man living with his in laws? You know, does he have any kind of honor and he does have any kind of dignity. You know, we see that this person has perhaps a week, a week husband and so forth. If that was the case, Allah subhanho wa Taala would have never mentioned the story of Masada, in some in the Quran, Mussolini some came all the way to Medina and and he lived with his in laws. He lived with his in laws for not one year, not two years, 10 years. If this was a sign of someone's a man's weakness, and there was this was an Ieave upon a man, Allah subhanho wa Taala would have never mentioned a story in the Quran to begin with. There's nothing wrong in this

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either. And I've seen a lot of cases to where

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They're the girls, the girls family, they, she, they welcome in the groom. And then people are talking about this in the society. If you have a problem with this in the society, and we're talking about this, that means that we have a problem with the story of Musashi some to finally,

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in order for us, there's so many unfortunately, there's so many problems in our families. And so 100 The divorce rates in our Muslim community is skyrocketing, you know, used to hear people getting divorced after 10 years, 15 years. Now, it's months. Unfortunately, not once I've heard this many cases now in the last one year, I've come across some so many cases where now people are getting divorced within one year, two years, three years, and it's starting to become a common trend. One dua that we should all make, especially when it comes to our children is when Naveen APU Luna Robina habla Nam as well Gina with Rihanna. Kurata Yan, this is a very beautiful DUA and I recommend

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everyone to make this dua Robina Oh Allah grant us Hubble Anna Mina as well, Gina with Rihanna, Kurata ion grantors families, that will be the coolness of eyes, it's always important to make this kind of dua, whether we have a family right now or not, it does not matter. This is not a dua for those who are not married. And this is not only for those who have already been married, this is dua for everyone. We all have struggles in our families. And so this is why this dua has been taught to us by Allah subhanho wa taala. And by the way, this dua is a certain form on and it's in the passage of those who are the slaves of Allah Subhana. What to Allah, if Allah was talking about those who

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have problems in their life, that's not who Allah is talking about. Allah is talking about believers, people who are strong believers, they constantly make this dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala so it's not a sign that I have weak Iman is not a sign that perhaps I have problems in my life. It's about asking Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us happiness and our families will lie if we have happiness and our families will find happiness everywhere else. But if I don't find happiness in my family, if I'm going to have constantly problems my family will Allah you will not find happiness anywhere else. So this is why we just do on a daily basis Robina Habibollah Anna mean as well Gina

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was Rio Tina Kurata Yun wotja and Lil Mata Tina Eema this at the end so for con, you can go back and look at it Inshallah, memorize it and read on daily basis. Ask Allah subhana wa Taala to bring peace in our families to bring peace in our marriages and happiness in our marriages. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help our young brothers find suitable wives and help our sisters in the community, our young sisters to find suitable husbands. May Allah subhana wa Baraka in their marriages. I mean noble Allah mean is that Kamala Hey Salam Alaikum after Lovato Catherine

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in Mussolini now almost Lima Do you want meaning Well, Mina de carne de now I looked on it that he was logged in pain I was logged in Ponte one saw the Rena was Slav your auntie one before she you know she

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was before she I mean I want to call she is the one downside the lino one downside the party was slow on me now was all in

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one heavy Lena photo gentlemen, one half year warranty was the Katina long I guess.

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Was the guilt or I don't

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genuine Eileen.

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