Thematic Study of Sura Luqman #02 – Advise of Luqman
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Channel: Musleh Khan
Series: Musleh Khan - Thematic Study of Sura Luqman
File Size: 71.86MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of timing, finding the right time, and the use of "any" in parenting. They also touch on the dynamics of living in a different culture and the importance of hard work and parenting children. The conversation emphasizes the need for discipline and giving back to children, and the importance of learning to contribute to mothers and parents. The negative impact of parents not being present on children is also emphasized, along with advice on how to handle these situations.AI Generated Transcript ©
Marlowe rasool Allah, Allah He of total Salah woman wala Ummah varied. So, from what I remember we have already discussed this particular verse. And we've looked at this verse as the official intro to the advice of Lockman alayhis. Salam to his son. And we've already discussed quick question to everybody. When Allah says that he gave Lockman wisdom. What is the wisdom that look man has?
What is it called? It's in the same verse. We said the peak the height of wisdom is Shakur gratitude. So some scholars say the actual wisdom Lockman Ali Salaam is blessed with is the ability to be grateful to Allah. Other scholars said, he has wisdom in all things, but the height, the peak of his wisdom, is chakra itself, because chakra is highlighted in this area. Immediately afterwards, when Allah says, We gave Lookman wisdom and Nish Coralina. So he ordered him, then be grateful and thankful to Allah subhanho wa taala. So it's very clear and obvious in the eye itself.
Some of the things that we discussed very briefly is
some of these points here, the highest form of wisdom, which we've discussed already, the height of wisdom is Alhamdulillah. Everything else is a byproduct of that wisdom. Soul hand, nothing surpasses a hand or at Hamdulillah, at hamdulillah is above and beyond simply because it's a direct attribute of Allah. Allah began his revelation with a hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen. It's incredibly powerful.
When you are grateful, you are humble, and we've discussed why was the reason that we discussed at least when somebody is grateful, they are immediately humble. Why is that?
What did we say when you're grateful? What What position do you put yourself when you're grateful to people, or you're grateful to Allah.
You're always always acknowledging, so there's what gratitude is, is that you always acknowledge that there is a superiority above you, always. And when you do that, it should always should be a very humbling experience. So that's why regardless of the power or status, strength or authority Allah gives any human being.
This is ultimately their position in front of Allah is that you are commanded to be grateful. And also with gratitude, you learn that, no matter how powerful you are, in this world, there will always be the one and only above you fit our own, kind of lost this lesson, big time. So much so to the point where he said, for color and aura bukem Will Ariela. He said that I am above and beyond whatever master or creator or entity you worship, I'm above that. So he completely disregarded the whole concept of show
could, instead ordered his followers to give shocker towards him. So his constant rhetoric throughout the Quran? Is he always saying, haven't I done this for you? Haven't I done that for you? Look at what how much freedom, much food Power Strength I've given you. And then you turn on me, and you recognize this man, more so than me. So he lost this concept completely.
You cannot be grateful and full of pride at the same time. Those are two opposites. We all know what pride is, right? It's the complete opposite of humility. It's the the attitude of someone that portrays themselves and believes from within, that they are superior or above others as a result of something they've done.
Okay, as a result of something they've done, and if it's not something they've done, as a result of who they are.
And one thing with pride is anybody who claims it has no control over it. So if they say, you know, they have pride, and they say, I'm better than you because I have a great business. And I've made billions of dollars, this entire corporation, look what I've done. They say that, and as a result, they become prideful. They don't have control over their business, right? Nobody has control over money over wealth, it can be snatched away your business could just plunder in in minutes at any time. Okay, fine. Let's say money is not involved.
I'm better than you because of the color of my skin, or a particular group or caste or tribe, you have no control over any of that. Because even if the skin color or the caste or tribe someone belongs to, even if that carried any status, which it doesn't in the eyes of anybody, let alone religiously, even if it did have some honoring status that attributed to it. Do we have control of the color of our skin? Did you and I decide do we have a say of how much pigmentation we should have in our skin to decide, okay, Oh Allah, this is the complexion, I want to be no. Every time you can see it in life, somebody claims that they are superior above or others for whatever reason, the
reason is always something they have no control over and it can be taken away from them at any second. That's why in poor end, pride is such a shameful quality in a human being. It is literally one of the most shameful qualities of any human being, ever.
You know, some scholars differ whether fit around even had pride.
He went above and beyond and you know, it might look obvious. But the point is, is that was was it really a quality in him? Or was he just doing this because of all the riches that he inherited from his father? Was it actually inherited in him as a quality? And many scholars said no, it was actually just as a result of all the riches and the power and status he was given. Why? Because frowns father actually was a just man.
His father who was in charge and who was in control, did all the right things. It's only when he inherited the kingship is where it became what it became. And that was the legacy that was left behind. So
this is really important. Pride is going to come up a little bit later, you're going to be amazed of how Allah dissects the subject in this sort. Okay? Be grateful to teachers, parents helpers, they are all a byte. This is all a byproduct of being grateful to Allah, which we've discussed. Hamid, when Allah says in Allah, honey Yun Hamid, what does money mean? Students, when Allah says I am a honey.
It was really simple, like honey was
you don't need anything from anybody come solely and completely independent. Okay. Then in addition to that, Allah is Hamid, what's the difference between saying Alhamdulillah and Hamid?
When you say Alhamdulillah as opposed to Allah is Hamid. Take a look. You can look at the screen take a look at it. When Allah describes himself as Hamid,
he is already filled with all the Alhamdulillah you think he needs, he's already got it. It's complete.
So when so just think of you know, at least so you can grasp the concept that if you had a container and you put a bunch of hamdulillah in it until it's full, it becomes Hamid
But Allah says He is Hamid right from the get go.
There might be later. Okay, so with that intro, shall we begin? I think this is where we pause right? Or no, actually we did do this verse, right? Yeah. So let's zoom over it real quick. So we get our minds in gear with called a Luqman is what did I mean?
When we said if it didn't say what color look man, Allah added this word is what did that highlight?
Take a look?
Is in this area? particular time you do this you wait for the right shouldn't be should be Ri ght the right time to do this. Okay. So look, man, this is what I said in the beginning, right? If you want to talk to your kids, no matter what age, if you want to have a discussion, a real serious conversation.
You have to and must, as a parent find the right time to do this. What's a good age you think you have to be strategic in your timing? What do you think is a good age to start doing that?
We think is a good age.
So seven or eight guys agree. think is a good age where you start thinking about the time to discuss Yeah, roughly around that period would be a good time.
There are circles all over the world now that might view differently. So just keep that in mind that you'll every so often hear so called experts will say things like, okay, you know, before you change your child's diaper, you should talk to your child and seek their permission. Hey, look, is it okay for you to for me to do this to you? Because you might be violating
something I don't really you know what? You might the child might be like, No, I want a dirty diaper, leave it alone. But he can't say that to you anyway. So you just have to like it's just really weird, bizarre. But just keep that in mind that, you know, it's not a black and white subject. But roughly speaking, if the ear just simply means that his son had reached a point where this mature conversation is now appropriate for him. So you figure that out what you think that is in your household? Why do I say it like that? Why don't I give you an exact time period. Despite that some of you said seven or eight. Because
good. So two factors. Number one,
everybody household is different. So if it's not specified, because everybody's home is different. And number two, number two, if you if we all sort of lived under the same culture, and standards that the society we belong to hold in this part of the world here, particularly in the West, people mature very slowly, compared to other parts of the world. Like you'll still have like a 32 year old living at home and can barely make a cup of tea for himself, could barely do basic chores. You show him the washing machine, he's going in the garage looking for something like he just doesn't basic chores. And I think some of you can relate because you know somebody in that in your family,
somewhere, and I do too, right? Don't get me wrong. We all have
those kinds of people. He's like 50 years old. Mom, did you make coffee? Yeah, my breakfast still like that. So it might be something you'd have to wait quite a bit before you can find that right time. Right? So just keep that in mind the dynamics of how all of our families operate is very different. We talked about Boothbay. So remember the term buena? What's our equivalent of Boonie?
Any sort of, well, first of all, Boonie. Our equivalent is simply calling your child by their name. But using a tone that's polite and appropriate and appropriate.
So, Mohammed, busy.
When you're done, whatever you're done, come and talk to me. Okay. As opposed to Yeah, Mohamed, you you
were eating there.
Get over here. I don't care what you're doing. Get over here.
So you can't restrict it to just the name stood out. It's the attitude. Secondly, scholars do allow little nicknames you can have for your kids, right? Sugar. Hey, sweetie, whatever you want to call them, right? But obviously appropriate. Some cultures call their children, all sorts of animals.
I don't have to tell you, right, this is this happens. And sometimes they're not even animals. Horrible things you don't think
Even if it's like, oh, this is the way we were raised, you know, my dad used to call me this animal. No, you can't do that.
Either you or the loved one said we were taught to raise our children differently from how we were raised. Okay, very important statement. Okay. We were taught, who is he referring to? Who's we?
He's taught from whom?
From the prophet Ali Soto, Sam says we were taught to raise our kids differently from how we were raised. You know, that statement of Ailee could solve
so many endless problems that parents who tried to raise their kids in this society, but the parents weren't brought up here. It solves so many problems for them.
So many problems, does this conversation or this statement, sound familiar? Back home when I grew up, this is how I did it. My father, my parents taught me this way. Congratulations, good for you. We're not back home. As a matter of fact, if the kid wants to get smart, you know what I will say? That mom, you brought me here.
I think I'm done. I didn't come here you brought you brought us here.
So we're not walking to school, I get that. We're driving and we want to take the bus or we want you to drop us off. Because it's just different. You know, it's one thing when you're trying to teach responsibility, but when you're trying to force down values of a completely different culture and time period, you've got to be clever how you do that you've got to think that thing through I'm not saying everything that you were taught is,
is is not appropriate. Okay. For this, I'm not saying that at all. Because I personally, if you asked me my personal opinion, I think what our parents and grandparents learned during their time, wherever it was, I think is really truly the things that young people need to reignite and rediscover all over again. The art of discipline. What hard work is not just reading a book, it's actually going out there and doing the hard work. You know, somebody's like, yeah, I built this building. You know, I donated $1 million. Congratulations. But your parents probably put each brick one by one. One by did the labor. You know, there's a man companion came to process seven said
Yasuda love, I want to give sadaqa when we want to give sadaqa what do we do? Just swipe our credit card or pay some money in? Okay, I gave some stuff today. It's fine. This companion process, Sam says okay, go to so and so house and deliver for them some dates.
You see what a process is telling them to do? Go and fulfill and do the labor of Satoko yourself. So once in a while, when you volunteer your time and you give back in you do something, and you'd actually go out there to fulfill your sadhaka to do the labor to do the work. Did the process ever do labor work?
Wow. No, we all know that thing called the carrabba. Yeah, when it was being rebuilt, did he not help to pick up the stones and rebuild the trench, the Battle of the Trench, where's the process Selam in the trench digging with the rest of the companions, this is a man that should have had like a golden chair somewhere and sit there and do nothing and be served. Instead, he's getting muddy and dirty with everyone else. So I totally can sympathize with where parents are coming from. And for me personally, when my own parents would teach me certain things that they've done back home, I have found nothing but good enough for myself. But I understand that's easier said than done. Right? So
yeah, booni Just thinking of anything, any name, any nickname, whatever it is, and the tone of voice is crucial. Shark now this is where I believe we were led to Shrek Billa where we said to you last week was it's an odd thing to say to anybody. You just sit them down and say Look, don't commit shark with Allah. Okay?
In the shutter color, volume Lunarlon it's a terrible thing. You know, most of the time if you tell your kids anything, hey, look, I don't want you to be rude. Okay? Like they're they're outside playing basketball or something. You come in, come in, guys put the ball away. Turn off the TV. Put your phones down.
Shark is haram. Okay, it just it's odd. It's an unnatural way to bring out a conversation.
And then on top of that you're like, not only is she'll calm, just remember, it's terrible. Your kids might look at you and they might be so terrified is something wrong with mom, there's something wrong with that.
just all of a sudden they start talking to us like this. So weird. So what exactly so here's the point. What exactly is this verse teaching us? So here is the point number one. So just a couple of points here. I mentioned the son is a good well mannered kid, but you appreciate yourself and not Allah. It's a bad path. So here's the first lesson with don't commit Shut up with Allah. There you have it.
If you don't appreciate yourself, you're, you appreciate yourself and not to Allah. This is just an evil path. What are we talking about? This here? See this in brackets?
Why do I Why do I do this? Have you ever seen anybody?
Like within your children's circle of friends that they're like worshipping trees, or like animals and things like
that the shark itself is not right in front of their face, right?
So that's obvious that that's haram.
Let's just look at what we are more exposed to the types of shark that you and I and our children see every day.
Does anybody have any example? Let me start you off. Internal form of shark, meaning, you believe
you believe it. Like
they might see a figure an image of a celebrity and be like, this guy. He's amazing. And he has it all. Gosh, I wish I wish I could have what he has, look what he did. Look what he achieved. And and they just go on and on about this figure this image of this celebrity. And they're just like, they got posters all over the walls, they were all the, you know, shirts, the clothes, you name it. They'll name their pet cat, this, whatever this, this select will do anything. There's obsessed. And even if you as the parent be like, Oh, what did he do? Who cares about? Mom?
Let's talk for Allah. Why are you why are you talking about him like, just totally obsessed is could that potentially be a form of shock?
Are they bowing down and making so due to the poster?
The shark, the shark is in here.
They believe that this image, or they're leading towards a belief in themselves that this person is just like perfect.
Just perfect. There are figures in this world alive today, leaders in this world where some of their followers attribute this to those leaders are off to give you names, you all know, there are certain people on this planet, for whatever reason, will generate a massive following. Unfortunately, don't think Muslims are excluded with this. You ever see some of those videos of those guys will come and you'll see their Imam dude's got a mustache like this big turban is like that big sitting there. And he just puts out his hand and everybody's going crazy. And you don't turn your back on him. So they're moonwalking their way back away from him, because you don't turn your back to this, whoever
this guy is. And he's just sitting there and he's just soaking it all in. And you know, you got to have will do if you come and talk to him, he will name your children, he will come and touch your house and bless it for you. Like so much reverence and praise. We have this within the Muslim world.
And it's very close to us. Like you could just be literally like nearby, this kind of behavior exist and it's very prominent surround. So don't think that this is a far fetched idea that just a few kids are exposed to in their own way. No, it'll take this stuff for granted. So that's what I want you all to also keep in mind, don't think of the outer forms the obvious shark that people do that you've heard hear about it you study shark has a very sneaky way of getting and seeping into the hearts of believers has very sneaky way of doing that. Unfortunately, I'm going to keep going. Just listen to it. And just tell you tell me if this is something you heard or you might have even said
and not realize, whoa.
Have you ever heard of this statement?
Because I hear it all the time, unfortunately, right? You're a chef.
You're an email.
You're not supposed to act like that.
I just got angry.
Or I just walked by you and I didn't say salaam
Maybe my mind was somewhere else can be tricky, man.
So, what does that have to do with anything?
We're humans.
Scholars are humans, imams are humans, teachers are humans. Don't you agree?
What would you do? How would you feel if you saw somebody that you admired and respected.
And you happen to just see them like riding their bike, and then they stop, and they grab like a, you know, their water. But as you were walking by or driving by you see, recognize me like, Oh my God, that's shift so and so. And he happened to drink the bottle of water with the left hand. And it happened, just that that moment you drove by.
I'm not going to ask you what you would say. I just want you to think what your initial reaction would be at that moment.
And it's not like something that's inherently corrupting you. It's because that's the culture you've been taught and prone. You've, you've been geared and molded to think that way about these figures. And what I'm saying to you is these as highlight and remind us just slow down, you might be pointing out something you think is a fault on him. But because of your expectations and reverence for him to be at a status and nothing less, you have bigger problems now you could actually be committing Shiva in front of Allah and not even realize you're doing it.
So it's basically these Aya teach us to slow our roll, just calm down. He's allowed to get mad.
He's allowed to argue at home with his wife and his kids and have problems. I can't tell you enough.
I've met imams in our own city who lost their jobs just because they had a divorce.
And like, you're thinking to yourself, like, who are you? Like, were you supposed to get an internal intelligence report of his home and what the problems were were before this happen?
Marriage didn't work out for whatever reason.
So you've got to just ensure and remind yourself of the internal forms of shutter. That's the point here. Okay. Go back to the area.
So now look at the area one more time. Do you see how easily it is for you to lose sight of the deeper meanings behind these verses? Because when you read it, don't commit you? Well, I'm good. My son is good. My children are good. We don't really bow down to anything except Allah. So we're good. No, no. Yes, stop and pause and really think and dissect what's the real message. So that's the first point. Okay, internal Schilke students, here's the second point. Now this is directly connected to why Luqman Ali Salam chose this piece of advice to begin with.
If you have children, and you're trying to teach them to pray, is it hard to do that?
Yeah, it is hard. It's not easy in this day and age, especially where we live. For those online who live in other parts in the world. I don't know how that what the challenges are socially and culturally. But for us here, men, I teach the youth their number one enemy. You know what their number one enemy is?
Distractions.
Number one enemy. And we have a lot of that too. Constantly. Everything that revolves around us, is geared to pull you away from taking life seriously. So soon as you have some downtime, your sports there's mood there's there's there's and I'm not saying the stuff is wrong, but just think about how consuming it is.
Look, man is his first lesson to his child is that
everything you do in life is ultimately for Allah. Not for me, son. It's so powerful. So when you try to wake up your kids for Fajr over and over and over and they're like, mom, dad, so annoying keep doing this every day.
Oh, good person.
I don't drink I don't smoke. So what if I'm not praying on time I'll get there door to door and use apparent frustrated by all this as you should be. It's not easy.
Maybe try this route. Maybe try one day when you're talking to them. Just be look.
If it was up to me, as your father as your mum, you think I want to wake you up at four o'clock in the morning until you go wet your body and then come and put your head to the world. You think I want to
disrupt your sleep and tell you to do all of that in the middle
love winter.
I'm your mother, I'm your father.
I don't want anything to harm you or upset you.
But this is Allah's rule. So what look man is teaching his son here is the second point is a lot is the ultimate authority.
He is the one that you got to be concerned about. He's the authority. I'm telling you to pray because Allah is saying, This is what you have to do. I'm telling you to dress a certain way because Allah said so.
So it really will help to put things into perspective. When you wonder why young people do what they do, and they don't know why they're doing it. Like you ever hear like, some, some emails will say, Oh, young people, they don't know who Allah is.
You know, this is one way to help relieve and fix that problem by saying to them, everything that you're doing,
you're not doing it for me.
Like, if you don't wake up, it'll upset me. But you should be more concerned about what Allah thinks and how Allah will treat someone who doesn't wake up or follow an instruction after he's told them. This is what you need to do. You should be concerned about that. That's what Yabu Nayla to sialic Billa is really all about affirming Allah's authority. First and foremost. What a great way to start off an Islamic conversation, don't you think?
What's the first thing we tell our well, what's the first thing you tell somebody who's not practicing? What's the first thing you tell them? To get them to? Like, okay, come on, start practice. It's really, like if you see a sister, she's got no hijab on she's like scarcely dressing like, and she's like, Yeah, I want to learn about Islam. Well, first of all,
do you know what a burqa is?
I have an ePub in my trunk, I'll be right back. Got an extra bye. That's how we start the conversations right? And if she's here, she's okay. On the outer layer. Well, you know what you want to do? Come to the masjid with me tomorrow. And the start praying let's go to the mission pray.
Great, this good intention.
He or she has no idea who Allah is. If he's really there, how to talk to him, how to communicate with him. And then the internal forms of shirk. Nobody's helped to clean all of that up. So you know what ultimately happens when somebody is brought up with Islamic training this way? I call this an empty shell training, empty shell training. Your beautiful shell it's sealed it's there's no cracks in it. What's inside of it?
Nothing.
what ultimately happens to a shell like that? Over time, what ends up happening to
it'll slowly slowly start to decay and crack. People
who worship Allah
and don't know who he is, their worship comes with an expiry date.
You start to lose that energy slowly. It's inevitable.
How many of you have gone to Hajj or Umrah here?
Good
like be honest, was it easy?
Like was it just a piece of cake like you can be in your best outfit everything every all the services there there was just no hardship at all. Was it like that?
If you didn't know who Allah was, how would that whole experience feel? This is how it will be. And you've all seen it this is how it will be look at the Saudis
look at this look at this food all look at the accommodation here. No AC in these tents.
Exactly. Right. So so they start talking like that. Oh, the government did it edited it.
Oh my god, we have to walk to the next stay where the walk they're gonna sit on the dirt. That's how they start.
If it's not hedge, Ah, okay, so already started. We still had 30 seconds before the event and you guys started already Subhanallah I missed this.
Everything becomes a complaint. And it becomes like a burden.
Right I told you about when people get angry and frustrated being locked out of the parking lot. That starts happening. You don't know who Allah is probably like you don't understand who he is. You got to learn. When you know who Allah is you're calm.
You can understand everything that you do is
Islamically
there is no price to pay anymore. You're willing to pay that price and you don't care how hard or difficult you do it. You know the art of sacrifice. That's what look man is teaching his son here, this whole area his son, here's who Allah is. You start off by one first and first Prime lesson. Don't you ever devote yourself to anybody in life except to Allah? Because if you do that, that's a really serious crime.
Okay, you can literally write a book with just this one a.
Okay?
Literally wrong. Let's go. Are we okay? So everybody gets everybody was able to grasp at least some of the main concepts of the first piece of advice. Okay. Second piece of advice. Now his son at least has an idea. He's been introduced to who Allah is He knows that Allah is ultimately in control. Okay, that sets the tone now. Now he's focused.
Okay, this say, now you know who Allah is?
Now, you don't really complain about anything, anything?
Why did Allah do this? Send the virus put us in this problem. My parents are sick this that.
I told you already, when hardship hits you?
How do you know that it's blessing you and not punishing you? What was the answer?
How do you know when when hardship is blessing you and not punishing you? Whether it brings you closer?
So your reaction
if your reaction is positive, you accept Allah's Will as opposed to oh my god, why?
How come how does happen as opposed to that very thin line.
So now when all of that is set aside now take a look at a and number 14
Here is the next priority Allah inspired look man to tell his child
one of the hardest lessons to teach in 2021
and we have given human beings will assign an incentive
the strong urge built early day here or council so we sire while sia also means to counsel to sit there and really counsel through an issue or a struggle and work it out and come to some kind of resolution, some kind of solution that sort of thing that process is called we'll see it in the Quran right?
In levena ermine on what I mean will Solly had what house so Bill help. Otto are so the sub firewall so same word with CYA, you counsel and you're when you're counseling so if you ever like talk to people and said Look, I know this is gonna hurt you. But I'm just want to tell you the truth. It's gonna hurt but it's the truth that's called we'll see a bill help
we want me to solve that's called whatever so we'll help and then what also this summer you're telling them look just hang in there. Corona is slowly leaving the planet but it's going to still take some time that's tall so this summer just relax you know and you're telling you're telling yourself the same thing. Now look, Allah says We Allah we had counsel human beings and given them that urge in regards to both his parents be widely day. So both parents are highlighted here. It's not just the father anymore. What did the father do now?
The father added who into this conversation. Look man,
both so now it's both mom and dad. Okay.
The greatest lesson from parents is appreciation so appreciate them. How are we going to see this? Well, first thing is first students. This is the Arabic term that is found throughout the Quran to describe parents you heard of a yet that sound like this. What what Bill Well, the Danish center
Alright.
What a Dane is your biological parents?
Where did not well it what it is your son? Why LED is your biological father Walidah your biological mother?
Have you heard of him?
Have you heard of AB B? Oo me. Those the same thing mother and father. So what's the difference between the two terms? Omen can be anybody who plays the role like I
guardian, they can also be your own. So almost anybody who is like a mother to you is an arm. But there's only one real arm. And she's called a wild leader. She's the biologic, he's the birth mom.
So who's Allah making reference to here?
Now,
it's very common, that sometimes your biological parents are not the ones taking care of you are not the ones raising you, right? And you might have like the complete disconnect, you ever watched those shows where you're searching for your parents, you're searching for your loved one your whole life. But then when they finally meet them, like, oh, you know, I just wanted to see who you were, but I hate you. You're never in my life, I hate you. I just I just want you to know that, or I don't want no relationship with you. Unless there's hold on
the fact that that parent, that person had something to do with your birth. That's what Allah is going to tell you what, look what Allah is going to do. Now. We've been talking about father this whole time, when it comes to your parents. How Mallette who Omo, Allah says that his mother carried him. Look at the word that Allah used.
Omar,
you see now both terms are fused here is one of the only places in the Quran that this is happening. So Allah said, when it came to all human being and their biological parents, they need to keep in mind the following number one, mom, mom always takes the trophy, she's number one, she gets gold, you name because Allah does that mom has priority here, all throughout the Koran in life period. If you as a father are disappointed by that,
you need to seek counseling.
Because every father knows what mom went through,
to have this child to give him a child, she she almost died. That's what birth is, or as I giving birth, It's life and death, she could die right in front of his eyes, and he can do anything to stop it.
And then, you know, after the birth, she has to go through a healing period.
But who does the child want 99% of the time when she's trying to heal
all hours of the day and night.
And I've said this to you before
that moms are different.
Moms are, are very,
this is a very unique creation of a lot like like there's nothing on this planet, there's no profit, there's on Messenger, nobody that can compare to mothers.
A mom will struggle with their kid and go through all of that, and risk life and death to birth this child when a child is born, and then she's going to be in all this kind of pain. She'll go through this phase where she's bleeding and she's hurt and all and the child only wants the moms touch. Even travelers want to be fed. Nothing just wants mom to like, touch her.
And see then the child the baby can smell mom and just know that mom, she's got to do that she's losing her sleep, she can't eat right? The child is not going to pay rent, the child's not going to go do groceries. She said all of this stuff. And then the child would like you know, dirty her clothing. You know she's changing the diapers he pees all over her. And what is the mom do?
So cute towel. Oh my prime you I buy that I got TaylorMade from the king. You just peed all over? Oh, you're so nice. But as fathers now
we have to be taught to have that kind of patience.
We have to be taught how to do that. You can't get it the way mothers have it. Allah gives it to them. Mothers are taught patients from Allah, mothers in particular. And then Subhanallah
they're taught all of that from Allah and on top of that they are given food for their child from Allah says okay, well, the child is going to be fed with an ingredient that only I make but I'm going to put it through you to give it to this child.
You all know that it's right nursing the breast No. Yes, until this day scholars differ whether breast milk or Zamzam water which one is more blessed.
Think about it.
It's remarkable. So look man here is like look, even though I'm your dad, mom is the one you better think about
Pamela, who OMA who won in Iowa when take a look at these two words, they appear in other places in the Koran as well.
Allah says that his mother carried him one load upon another. Now all the mothers here, doesn't matter how long ago, when you had your first child,
I bet if I ask you Do you remember the pain you went through delivering your first child, you will probably remember it like how you remember your name.
And if you ask your parents, so our grandmothers, they will say the same thing. Oh, you,
your dad, oh my god, he was
I was in the middle of the field and I got the labor pains and and oh my god, I never felt pain like that in my life in the poor and cause that kind of pain. One, one, you know what one is the kind of pain that weakens you, the more you get it, the weaker and weaker and weaker, you kind of just can't hold on anymore. Allah says that the pain to carry a child that the mother has, is pain. On top of pain, it just keeps getting worse and worse, and worse and worse. And when she thinks like, Okay,
it's time to deliver the child and I'll be relieved of all of this, the delivery itself, the labor pains, it's like it took all the nine months and combined it in those few hours now. And then she could literally Subhana literally die in that state. Is what a prophet is taught was salam said that when a mother dies or dies, while giving birth, she dies as a what
is a martyr as a Shaheed, she dies, this at the same status as somebody who's in more. She's got she's at that level. So when you see this,
this is really more than just paying like, this is stuff that you and I don't have the ability to fathom. And the mothers that go through it, even they themselves were like, I don't know how to describe that pain. I just don't know how to describe it. And she's going over one and either one. Now, when the child is delivered, now the child is born. Look what happens next, what he saw, though, who fear I mean, what is Look man telling this kid,
your parents, and then your mom had to carry you all these months. And then on top of that she had to feed you. What is he saying to his son here?
This is what he's telling his son, the greatest lesson in this A
is this, to appreciate them.
That's the hardest thing to teach young people today to appreciate your mom and dad. Because why we live in a time where kids look for validation. I'll listen and appreciate them. If mom does a, b and c, if dad is a b&c So, despite all the when, and when and he and she fed him for two years, at least she nursed him and and all of that. And by the way, I mean all the parents here all know
the pain that is associated even nursing a child
that in and of itself is another weapon upon a weapon of the pain that's associated there. So she had to go do that now for two years.
And it surely will you early days. That's the lesson. That's why all of this as mentioned is
Allah is telling, inspiring Look, man to teach his son, you better be grateful to Allah first and foremost. And how do you do that? By appreciating your parents?
When you appreciate your parents by default you appreciate Allah. That's how it works. It's it's the natural outcome. Your pre now quick question, how do you appreciate parents?
See, this stuff is rarely ironed out so that somebody can really get a grasp because a lot of people when they hear appreciate parents you know what they think? I have to just do what they say and I don't have any say I have no opinion. I have nothing I don't have a voice anymore.
Is that what appreciation is?
appreciation is even if you disagree with mom and dad. You disagree how?
Respectfully kindly don't hurt them. Appreciation, don't upset them. Appreciation even if you don't like what they do. If you can still do it. It's it might be an inconvenience for you, but you can still do it. Do it
suffer the inconvenience Allah say, that's your appreciation. Allah is not cutting your voice out of the conversation and say you have no rights no more, you are now enslaved to your parents. Unfortunately, there are parents who have children, but they are not parents. You understand.
There are people who have children, but they're not parents. And we have a lot of those as well. That will use and abuse their children and literally toy with them like animals, and literally command their every move.
So Allah is saying here, when it comes to appreciation, understand what we're saying that even if you don't like something, dislike it, but still dislike it in a respectful way. The key lesson of appreciating parents is Do everything you can not to upset them. That's the point. Don't Don't upset your parents. If your mom needs a ride somewhere, but you got to go elsewhere. But you can work your schedule around Okay, Mom, I'll drop you off.
If you're gonna go about take your your daily nap. But your dad's calling you need some help break your sleep design to the end of the world. And go help your dad, he needs your help in something. And if you start to develop that kind of interaction, you fulfilled what Allah wants from you how to appreciate your parents do everything in your power, even the trivial things don't. Don't upset them. One last point on this part, right? Have you guys heard of that? The verse that says? And don't say off?
Yeah, don't say off. For some parents. This is the only area of parents they know in the whole Quran. Allah said Don't say off. That's the only lesson area they know about parents in the whole world.
For obvious, obvious reasons, right? This idea, the one about don't say off is not an area that Allah revealed. For all parents. It's a specific group of them. It's when parents reach an old age. The age itself says there that when one or both parent has attained old age, you don't say off to them. So some early man, the Tafseer of that area is the earth don't say off applies specifically to parents who reach the elderly tender age where they are solely and completely dependent on you. You got to feed them, shower them, clothe them care for them, that stage, don't say after? When do your parents really push your buttons?
When they get that stage, right?
If you cook for them, and they're like, is this what I taught you to cook?
All these years? And they'll like, they'll say that stuff in front of your spouse in front of your children and for everybody? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what she cooked here. And for man, you know, you can barely sit and eat. I don't know what you cook, there's got no taste. And they'll say things like that, and I'll push your buttons.
And then if you want to just do something simple, like they want to go to the masjid and you have to like put them in a wheelchair, you got to do this, you got all these arrangements that just stay home. Now that's what Allah says, Look,
don't say off means also don't do anything. And don't show anything that will upset them. Like, you know how some some some kids will just like have a stand in front of their parents.
That that's that's called off.
So often is not a verbal thing only off is also found in action. That's how the Arabs understood the term of the call to Islam Ferret, or the name of an action isn't fair. It's a name of a despicable shameful action or be ever is also called off.
So all this when we're talking about appreciation, you see how massive this subject is important, right?
I don't know how to teach this to young people in general. There are some that get it. A lot of them just don't. Because you know what they say to me, after all this lecturing I've just done. You know, some of them say to me, you know, brother Musleh amazing. What you're what you're teaching us about amazing. But you don't live in my house.
Yeah, you don't know my mom.
Yeah, they're like you don't know my dad. Well, my dad gets angry. Oh, it is your mukaiyama in my house. You don't know. And I get it. But there's also a response for that as well. In the Horan.
There's also a response that Allah says, I actually know what you're going through. The Imam probably does and your teacher probably doesn't
Your friends probably all but Allah right after that verse For don't say off, read what's the next verse after?
And then in the next verse afterwards is Allah reaffirming that he knows. So for the Hmong to come out by any superhero, what's the next verse, or Bukom Alam will be Matthew Nofal sequel. Allah says, I have complete knowledge of how you feel inside of you. Amazing Allah actually acknowledged those who say, Well, nobody really knows what it's like living in my house.
They just don't know Allah says I know what's going on in your house. Still, Allah says complained to me and I will deal with
try teaching that in this day. And it is it is a tough thing to do. It's really difficult
Yeah, if and you would agree, like, if you're lucky enough to go through that phase.
And they can still mature and grow out of it.
But the families that just don't have that luxury where their children when they're teenagers rebelled so bad, that they run out of the house every night, they're gone, they have run in says with the law, they're in jail, they're taking drugs, they're doing every thing
against what the parents would wish for. And so that teenage phase now, that's what they had to endure. But after that, when independence now was born, so they don't need you now to sign off for them anymore. They're 18 and over now they can do that stuff themselves. It creates if it's not nurtured, creates a whole nother set of problems.
Yeah, that's where you hope these things would work but it's tough
it's tough
that's the and that's a challenge by itself even just getting them to come here and sit
and that's all we can do. Right?
Is that we can at the end of the day, what am I Lena Illa Bella was Allah tells us we can do anything except preach and teach. You know, that's the hardest a for a parent to swallow.
Son I can just tell you I can't even make you do so hot. Oh, man, that would break every parent's heart at some point. That that honest truth is a heartbreaker for parents.
Use.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And all of that's coming up in the same sort of always keep all of that there. You'll see it unfold. And this could really well, you were the dake ileal mahseer. So Allah orders to be grateful to me and both of your parents to me alone is your final return. Does anybody know why the A ended up like that? Why did it end and you're coming back to me, Allah. So after Allah says, be grateful to me and both your parents and just by the way, you're coming right back to me. Why did Allah do that?
But in context,
it's going back to those same kids you just mentioned who rebel who don't listen, horror, not afraid of parents and their rules or their authority? Unless is really, you're coming right back to me.
What's the what's the kid going to do then?
Nothing.
That's nothing.
All right.
Yeah, exactly. Remember, we said that right? This is not about kids always being in the wrong. What did we say in the beginning? We said children have what? They have rights.
They're not our property. We can talk. Push them around without any sensitivity, any field we don't have that right. That's how parents now will end up excuse me, kids now will end up punishing parents in the afternoon. Because the kids will come on today. This, this is in the Quran as well. Allah says the child will come back in front of Allah. Oh Allah. Allah will ask this child how come you didn't pray? How come you didn't do all the stuff I told I sent instructions for you to do all along. My dad will
really mean my mother did this and did that they tried to like, really control me and I couldn't get there I couldn't learn I couldn't I and Allah will accept that
where some children will come in front of Allah and all their wrong would they will blame it on their parents, rightfully like the parents abused them, hurt them, neglected them. And then Allah will shift his attention to the parents and they end up getting punished for the further children's weaknesses and mistakes. So stuff that they thought were never on their scale now ended up being on their scale.
This is an A oh my god moolah, we have to remain either beyond eating bsv or saw hibbity hibbity or facility humility to women philology Jeremy Ifeoma Eugene Souter Mujaddid, right.
It's unbelievable, the criminal will come in front of Allah. Yola, doing the majority, he'll wish this criminal it will just wish now we have 30 Min either beyond even be a he, if I could only run some someone to take my position and be punished because they know what's coming. And who they turn to. They turn to their brother, they turn to their mother, to their father to their friend. That's all coming in the next verses. So from these as scholars say that, even if the child is the quote unquote, or he or she thinks that they're the criminal, and they'll say, oh, Allah, I didn't know. Because I wanted to go to those classes. I wanted to learn, I wanted to be Muslim, I wanted I want
to, but this is what I had to endure and I couldn't.
So then Allah will say, Okay, bring the brother, bring the sister, bring the mother, bring the father, bring them and they will now
be in that position.
Yeah, it's the it's, you know, you know, how we always say that being a parent, like it's massive, massive responsibility. Yeah.
It's huge. So those of you who have done your best and have seen the fruits of your labor, the fruits of your effort, you've been able to raise children who have become independent, and have at least built some connection with Allah men. hamdulillah is the word that should be wet on your tongue for the rest of your life. Just thanking Allah, Allah gave you that strength. You were nice to your kids for put aside Islam. You were just crying. You were loving parents, you bought them things. You think all that stuff just goes out the window. You went you took your kid to Walmart and you bought them some candy. Oh, man, that's so you end up seeing that on your scale on your piano.
And you're gonna be like, Oh my God, that the 15th teddy bear that I bought my son every time I took him to a Walmart, it actually all counted as hasna and Philip and reward for me, my God, because I was actually being nice to him.
And you know, you know, it's interesting. mothers know how to do that. Like, naturally. Dad would like us to expensive mom like, Mom, we have the money. You know what, I'll help you. I'll cook your favorite food tonight. How about that? Is they all give us by for right. The other way? Is that is that that's what these eights are all about.
Let's do a few more. Yeah.
Yeah, this here, it's not quoted verbally out of his mouth, but this is one of one of the advices that he is instilling in his child. You know, there's a good question. The previous A is actually Lookman talking, he said yeah. booni this a Allah took over the conversation.
You see that? Right? A lot took over this conversation. Why?
When it comes to parents, that's Allah's territory. You don't mess with parents in the Quran.
It's as simple as that. Because it's parents.
Allah pay like there's about 14 Eight about parents in the Koran. Every one of them are lice speaking. It's not somebody else that's speaking with this revelation. It's Allah himself doing every a about parents in the entire Quran, Allah is doing the talking. So that in and of itself, just that sequence and that pattern, in and of itself really highlights just how important this subject is to Allah. That he takes over that conversation.
Okay, the greatest contribution of moms is already mentioned. So what about dead so this was all about that mom this a right now, right primarily was all about mom.
Then how
how it ended is, Allah included the father while you were the date. So this one here, mother, mom and dad started off with mom and dad. But then it focused on mom alone. Why was the dad included at the end of the year? Here's a couple of reasons that scholars tell us.
A father has to learn to contribute for mothers, it is automatic.
One of the reasons that scholars tell us here is that at the end of the day, despite all of the attention, the pain, the struggle, and N, she still cannot raise this child by herself.
Ultimately, at the end of the day, she can't do it alone.
The father will still have to be there and do certain things that she can't do. Get out in the Battlezone out there.
Like it's, it's a tough thing for her to do. In addition to all of the responsibilities, she's already automatically, she has to do. So especially when she's nursing this child for that first two years.
Like Subhanallah, like even, you know, so many countries, the system, the government system allows the mother to do to do what, you get a leave of absence for one year, year and a half or so on. Why is that there? Because at the end of the day, somebody has got to be there with the child. But the father doesn't get a leave of absence, somebody still got to go there and balance that system. So it's the highlight that at the end of the day, he is a contributor is just that his process of how he does that he has to learn as time progresses.
We can introduce this a but I don't, I'm pretty sure we won't finish it. We have about 15 minutes. Okay. Does anybody have any questions about the previous idea? Before we continue, okay.
Third piece of advice, will injure her decorilla and tertiary cabbie, Malay Salah cabbie hearing.
And even if your parents struggle against you, in shirk, that they have no knowledge of. So here's another tangent of the same subject of parents. Okay. So previous is father telling son don't do *. Now, what if parents tell you to do it? That's what this is about. Now, what if the parents actually say to you
don't worry about that, Saul, I think you're a good kid.
He jumped. I don't want you wearing that.
I mean, it's up to you. Lots of parents to do this. It's up to you. I let my child like some parents, I meet them quite often. They boast and they're very proud. Yeah, you see my child, I let them just do what they want. If they want to read some Koran, they read some boron, if they want to go to the mission, they go, and they just kind of like do these gestures I look, you've discovered something none of us, we all happen to somehow miss.
And they're they they're proud of their children of whatever else they've accomplished. Look at my kid, you know? So what if she doesn't pray, he doesn't do this. He doesn't do that in and of itself. Maybe they are not worshipping idols and doing that sort of thing. But internally, they have lost
their devotion, their worship, their commitment, all of that stuff to Allah, it's gone.
So now it's almost as if shark is being born internally.
So this idea highlights both the outer shark as well as the internal show. So when your parents struggle, you see the word Jaha from jihad, so they're fighting with the children every day. I don't want you to get all this religion why you growing this beer why you want to go Hajj already you need to think about school and and and and then ended
choose dunya overall, that's what some parents do. They teach their children that's Jaha Allah initially cabbie, Malay Salah cabbie here, and then that they have no knowledge of see the condition students.
These parents themselves, they know. Or sometimes they don't know. They're just they're doing this because they themselves don't have much knowledge of Islam. So because life has worked out just fine for them. And they discovered Islam later on. They kind of want to see a similar pattern in their own kids. Or I didn't go for height until I was like 50. You know?
You're only 25 Don't worry, Your turn will come. Like that kind of thing. They don't have no knowledge, Fallout. And in cases like that.
When. And this also by the way, in addition to it is when children have parents from a different faith
you know, children who convert right who revert to Islam. This is a directly to highlight some of the struggles they go through. There are some kids when they do become Muslim, they have to hide their identity for some time. They have to hide when they pray, they have to it's everything has to be top secret. And it's a struggle. And if the parents find out that they could really force them to do things that ultimately at the end of the day is their disobedience in front of Allah. So there's what Allah says that they don't have that kind of knowledge is another way to look at this a as well. We'll come to it in a second. But here Allah says fella totally at home then don't obey them.
So this is the one and the only time in the whole Quran where Allah tells children not to obey your parents. This is the only one time where Allah actually says, don't obey them.
It's this
fellow tutor Homer, like it's this subject of this particular sentence here
is a little slightly different in Sunita Lanka boot, okay. But Fila tutor Homer and don't obey them, it appears here and in solanco, as well, right.
So in this case, anything that
compromises their faith with Allah, those are the issues, right and most of the time they are major anyway, right?
But then Allah says, oh, it's it doesn't stop there though.
I think this is where will pause. Allah then says, well, Sahiba home if it dunya meroofer and accompany them in this world in a decent way, as it's already known.
So, couple of things. So don't do shirk, but still have close contact. So the first probably lesson is this here. Allah is saying, I don't want you to do *, but you still have to saw hibel method dunya ma rufa, you still have to have a really good relationship with them. You can't just be like, well, you know what? You're a Kaffir. Mom. So
I guess we can we should stop talking now. I can't visit you anymore. Don't invite me for any parties or any celebrations. Nothing I can do. Yeah, that sort of thing. Allah says no, don't do that. Sahiba Houma does everybody knows what Sahib is, you know the word Sahaba. Same word. Do you know what a Sahaba literally is when you're when you're talking about a companion of the Prophet already. So it's also you know what that person is a Sahaba or so hobby.
A companion is the one that sees,
and the one that believes in that individual and their message. So to be a companion of the Prophet Salem, you had to literally physically be there at his time and visually see him. And number two, you have completely accepted and devoted your self to him. You followed and believed in his message. Now you're an official companion, because there's lots of people who lived in Mecca and Medina who saw the process and him but he didn't believe him, right? They can't be a companion. You're not going to bring somebody out of the machete couldn't be like a companion hated him. No, it doesn't work like that. Allah use the same word Sahaba to describe the relationship that this person this
child must still have, with their quote unquote, disobedient parents. You still have to be like a good companion. Companion. Here's the second thing about that word in Korean is one of the words to describe friendship in the Quran. So there are about
they're about seven or eight words in the Koran to describe friendship. Sahaba Sahib is one of them.
So what kind of friend is that, by the way?
It's like your best friend
is like your Sahib. Like a like your best friend. The person you're closest to you can find it you talk to always together. That's that person. Just you just love being around every single day, Zola's got to talk and just be around that person. What is the lesson saying how you should be with parents that just don't support your Islam? What kind of relationship is it the one send a month text Hey, mom. Just checking to see if you're still alive. Okay, so we come by, I mean by No, Allah says you have to be a Sahib.
And then Allah tells you how
dunya
in worldly things, so you don't have to, every time you visit your non Muslim parent bring over a Koran.
She has like a whole stack of morons, she's an otter read, where he tells her mom, I'm one of my buddies here, but you need to be in hijab.
I have a bedsheet in the back there, we'll get it.
You need to wear something, a bomb, we're going out with some Muslim people, and I have an alibi, I'll get you one, you don't have to do that. Let's just fit dunya in materialistic things, you should try to have a good relationship, which means also realizing and accepting the fact that they're not of your faith. So if they dress a certain way, or talk a certain way, you know, there are certain rules that you would want to obviously but at the end of the day, don't force your priorities and your, you don't force that stuff into the into the person can't do that. Can't do that with anybody, let alone parents don't force your teachings down someone else's throat,
specially when they're not part of it, they have no idea.
Anyhow, there's a lot to unpack in this sentence here. Because the next word is this mount off. And
is a really, really massive and comprehensive word in the Quran. But we'll pause there in sha Allah. And I pray that Insha Allah, all of us can internalize these lessons for ourselves, not just for our children. And one last thing,
all the parents here
next week, I want to ask all of you.
I mean, ideally, I would love if your kids were here, but I know that that might be challenging. So I won't pressure you in that sense. But I want to be able to ask all of you, what are some pieces of advice you would give to your own children? Like, look, man?
And
if you're not in that, you know, if that's not your circumstance, then you know, your kids are married, or they've moved on? What sort of advice did you use to give them that you saw some of the fruits of what we're seeing from the advice of Look, man, you saw this in your own household? I'd really, really be interested in hearing some of that from you. Okay, so next week, it'll be advice from a parent to their child. But this time, it's gonna come from all of you. So think about what some of the things that worked for you, and some of the things that you would say now, and those of you who have young children like myself, what are some of the things you would advise people like
us, these are the things you should think about and perhaps maybe one day advise your children about okay, so panic Allah homo VMDK Chateau la isla Atlanta stuff, Furukawa to blu ray. So pause here was Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh