The man of my dreams, the women of my heart #2

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Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

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Episode Transcript

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He has excelled in one particular field, one particular science. That's the first point. And the second point is that as a result, other scholars deem that person as their equal. So they say it's like, you know what you want to get a PhD. But you can get a PhD from somebody who from a teacher who has a Master's, you have to get the PhD from a teacher who also has a PhD, and he will say that you are now one of us, you are part of our equal Well, it's the same thing of scholars, other scholars have to recognize that you have reached this level, where you are also deemed a scholar. This is why I cringe when people call me a scholar. Because I am the last person that is even close

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to a scholar, I call myself a student of knowledge. I'm a student of Islam, and I'm a student of this knowledge, and that's what I deem myself to be. But the point is here is that you don't want these two parties to look at each other that any answer that we need in this role, we can find it with each other.

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Why is this a problem? The problem with this is that when problems and confrontations happen in the marriage, you're not going to look outside of the marriage to solve those problems. You're going to try to fight or bicker with one another. This is obviously if you tried to work things out together and it doesn't work, then what's the next step is you try to fight it out. And if you fight it out without seeking help, and without trusting that others can also help you. That's where problems continue. And that's where it leads to other issues as well. Here is the fourth, the fourth, if you'd like guideline, in maintaining a happy marriage,

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there is nothing that I can tell you that is more important than having patience in a marriage. There's nothing I can tell you, that's more important than this one.

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having patience in a marriage is the key to all happiness in your life are omitted No one said that if patients could be a human being, then that human being would be the most beautiful human being on the face of the earth. Patience beautifies you not only character wise but even physically, physically, you become a beautiful person, your face becomes more pleasant, your character becomes pleasant, your speech becomes pleasant, the way you walk becomes pleasant. How many Muslims do you think know that the Koran actually tells us how we should walk? How we should actually walk when we're on the street corner in front of others a lot size and so little for pod? Is that part of the

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C fat part of the characteristics of a movie her and levena am shown either orally, how now what is the hard problem? Generally ron paul said Emma, this is an amazing idea. A lot describes the debeer lever. He is the one that when he walks he doesn't walk out of private but at the same time he doesn't walk like He's the worst or most degraded person he finds a middle ground he finds a middle ground so the poor and even tells you that how you should be walking everywhere you go, then the poor and tells you how to speak what is a hall who in jail you don't if somebody comes to you and tells you something that you don't like or you don't you don't want to hear or defends you. How do

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you respond? Pause cinema. This doesn't mean that I'm on equal. You what you say that? What do you say send me the word set Amnon equal. So that means words of peace, a we means work of security. That's why when you say a set out why they come to somebody, what you're saying is that you're asking Allah to set it down his peace and security upon you. So Allah is set up. So a set of settings down the center between two person will give the setup. So this is why it's extremely important that you have patience in the marriage. We mentioned that the students here that were in the course, patience is mentioned in the poor and approximately 90 times 90 times it's mentioned in

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the poor.

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Almost every single time patience is mentioned in the poor and it's in a different context. Literally, there are probably 90 versions of patience in the poor and one of the most profound ones is the love system, the horror end, that when a person enters when a person is given the reward of entering paradissa then that person will say set them when are they equal? Be male. So model two, when they are a miracle that that person is

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Read it at the gates of jedna. How the angels will come and say to them set up what are they can be male serve up to, for what you've been patient with in this world, when they are America, but dub their mouth of a dub literally means what a beautiful ending. So not only does patience get you into paradise, but it stamps and it guarantees that you're going to have a beautiful ending not only in this world, but also in the hereafter. There is no circumstance, that patience is tested more than when you're in a marriage. There's no circumstances tested more than when you're in a marriage. Because that is the test where these two personalities, they're not trying to live together, but

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they're trying to complement one another. That takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot of patience, if your spouse doesn't like the food that you make, it takes a lot of patience if the if the spouse doesn't like the way you dress, and you have to accommodate that. It takes a lot of patience of the spouse says something to you. They mean good, but the way they say it is different. The way they say it is by the way they see it is aggressive. Why? Because that's the way they're used to seeing it in their own families. It takes a lot of patience. The first mistake that people they make, when it comes to losing their patience is, like I mentioned, and this is why I set the first point is don't

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set expectations is that if they hear something, or if there's a problem in that marriage, and it doesn't work out the way they expected. Why because they had a pre programmed in their brains, they had something already set in their mind that this is the way it should happen. Then if it doesn't happen that way, and they don't have patience, what happens, that's where problems begin. That's where they can't communicate, that's where they start losing trust with one another. And that's the second. Sorry, that's the what is it the fifth, the fifth point that I want to give you. So you have patience, patience is the most important. So make sure you highlight that this is the most important

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key ingredient for attaining happiness, not only in your entire life, but especially in your marriage. But it leads us to the fifth point and that is to have trust with one another. To have trust with each other, trust with each other. Whatever decisions you make for the sake of the marriage in sha Allah, it's going to be the best decision for each of you. Then, in Arabic we call trust. Amen. Man, actually, the root word for it is Amina, which means that the lever, so this is why a believer is a person who is trustworthy. So the way to define yourself that you are a devoted Muslim and a devoted that even to Allah is based on how much people trust you and how much you trust

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them. So it's really important when you apply this to your marriage, why is this important? When you have trust in a marriage, it's very easy to overlook faults of the parent of your partner, it's very easy to do it. Because at the end of the day, all you're going to do is you're going to have an oven Christian oven is you're always going to think positive about that person. So if the wife wakes up, like we mentioned yesterday, if she wakes up one day, and she says to you, I want a divorce, and you're sitting there and you're like what in the world just happened, I don't know what to do. But the point is, is that you trust that maybe she had a bad night, or maybe she thought of something,

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or maybe there's some other exterior factors that caused her to be this way, the same thing with jasmine, he comes home, he doesn't want to speak to his wife. He just locks himself into a room or he goes in front of the TV, but he doesn't speak to her. So what does she do she trust that perhaps something happened during the day all of this came because of the manner that she has with him. Number six,

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is that for a couple to maintain a happy marriage is that they, they make sure that they are independent in decision making. In other words, they make decisions on their own. They don't go to mom and dad and say, Look, we're thinking of we want to buy a house or we want to invest in a business. Mom, what do you think, dad? What do you think, Shay? What do you think? The shape what he really should say is you tell me what you want to do? And that will be my answer. I get this all the time. I get couples that will come into my office and asked me about how to mold their lives and what they should do. I even had couples that would come to ask me where I think they should live.

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Why are you asking me here? I think you should live. I think like, you know, should we stay in this country? No, not possible. Should we make it zero

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I don't know, I mean, I'm pretty happy where I'm leaving out what yourself, right. So really, the decision making has to be independent in the sense that two couples have to lay down a foundation of what you want to achieve. And if you need help, then by all means go and get help. And that leads us to the seventh point, the seven point to attaining a happy marriage or to maintaining happiness is to not be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Do not be afraid to go outside of the marriage, and ask the ships or ask friends or family to see if whatever issues you're dealing with, if they can be rectified.

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A lot of people they fall under one extreme or the other. They either try to solve every single problem by themselves, or they try to get an answer for every single issue outside, there's no middle ground. I'll tell you that. One of the beautiful things about solving problems with yourself is that generally speaking, if you can do this between your spouse, the result should always be that you become closer as a couple, you should actually become closer to one another as a couple,

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eight point, the eighth point is overlooking the other person's shortcomings and their mistakes, overlooking at overlooking them. What do I mean by this? If your husband or your wife has a default, or has a sub part of their life, that they just can't seem to strengthen, overlook it completely, if you can even ignore it. Because sometimes you may have the most miniscule thing, the smallest part of your life. But that's smart, a small part of that life of that marriage, if you focus on it, it's like a mosquito that flies into a beautiful house. You walk into the house and you say Masha, Allah, this is so beautiful, but then you see the mosquito dead on the wall, like I want to live in

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anymore. Right? So you just focus on that small part. You don't want to do that. That classic example of this was the example that we mentioned over on a farm. When our one of the hotel was having an argument with his wife, what does he do, he focuses just I've heard good sides, on all of the good aspects. And this is actually a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam.

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When when we mentioned this point here as well, it's important to also note that you also want to enjoy all the good aspects of your your spouse, even the physical aspects. So let me give you an example. One of the wives of the Prophet Scylla longlining, he will send them Her name was own cinema, and I'll do love on her own sell him out one day, the prophesied sudden and came over to the house. And she wanted to prepare a place for him to sleep. So she laid out a piece of leather that was on the ground. And you know that leather is impermeable, so it doesn't absorb water. If one was to sit on, what's the fall on leather, it just sits there it pulls. So the Prophet says send them

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laid down on this piece of leather. And this is happening in Saudi and everybody here. We all know that Saudi is a desert in the sense that is extremely hot. So what happened is lunar prophecy, someone laid down on this piece of leather, he started to sweat and his sweat got collected onto this piece of leather. So all of a sudden, she loved him so much. That what do you think she went and did? She had a bottle of perfume that she had for herself but she empty that bottle and she went and she got the sweat of the prophesies. Some she put it into the bottle. And as we all know the bumps I sent him sweat was sweeter than musk. So she used it and according to one narration, that

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bottle of perfume in the process of him sweat ended up being the bottle of perfume that she used for the rest of her life. Why? Because she loved everything about her husband, and he also loved everything about his life. There's another narration a really interesting one.

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Once there was a time when the Prophet Silla love it was sent him was sitting in the Prophet's mosque in Medina with his wife. He said, All right, you shall not be alone Lima. Now, this is really, it's really beautiful, because they're both sitting in there, but they're not sitting in there for any purpose. You know what they're doing? They're just relaxing. That's all they're doing. They're sitting against the wall or against the back then the walls were made out of bamboo sticks. And so they're sitting against this. What are they doing? They're just chatting there.

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Talking, they're hot. They're just chilling if you'd like, and an old woman walks into the mosque, an old woman,

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and this old woman went up to Asia, and she started screaming at her and started saying you're this and you're that and just started arguing with her. Now I should, she looks at her husband. And the husband looks at her with a stern face, a very stern, an affirm, look. Alright, she already knew what the problem is. I sent him when he when he was looking at her this way. What he's saying to her is, don't say a word. Just let Let her finish. Let her do what she wants to do. So I shall remain quiet.

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The woman left this old woman she left she went out in the marketplace. And then she returned after some time she came back and she went up to Asia a little diello honor. What do you think she did? She did the same thing. She started saying your thing severe that and she started to argue with them. What did it show her the loved one had to? She looked at the pumps I sent them promises and looked at her with a firm look.

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What does that mean? Don't say anything. This is patience. This is tolerance. So I usually make quiet.

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The old woman leaves the day continues, the old woman returns a third time. And when she returns the third time, she continues he does it again. She starts telling that you said everything in the world. So I said as we mentioned, she was known to lose her cool A lot of times, okay, she used to lose her cool. And this is not because she was a bad person is because she was very young. And as we all know, young people have a tendency to do this, it's natural for them to lose their patience more than the mature adults. So this woman is there for the third time. And the prophets of Aloha, she looks at the pharmacy send them and the farmer says some of them looked at her and smiled. This

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time, it was a smile that indicated to the chef. Now go ahead and get it.

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So the narration concludes itself where she says the final subject. what this word means is that I gave it to her, and she gave it to her good. She really let her have it. So the point here is brothers and sisters is you see what happens with people, you see how patients work. And how tolerance works is that there are limits to this. A lot of people think I need to have patience for the rest of my life in this one situation. And that's it. If my husband or my wife, we're beating each other and we're abusing one another. And so I have so this is not the essence of subbing if you choose to do that, that is a reward between you and allies. So a job but you're not compelled to do

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it. To that extent, always remember that sobotta has a limit that hasn't kept for everyone. But if you go beyond that capital, remember that that is going to be a huge reward for you with a lot of silica, it's an investment that you get. So I will always say, I will tell you, when you reach your captain, do whatever you want, I will always tell you and encourage you Be patient as much as you can for the rest of your life in whatever circumstance that you deal with, especially when it comes to your marriage. So we paused to independent decisions, from the things or the guidelines of achieving or maintaining a happy marriage is social time, social time. What does that mean? It means

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when you're not involved in any type of worship, it means that you're just relaxing and having a good time. Do things with each other, go out and see the city travel, go out and have a good time go to the parks go and have a social life. Why? Because the prophets on the lavoir they will Southern himself did that. There are narrations that him and I Isha about a loved one that they used to. And I mentioned this very briefly in the course that they used to race with one another. They used to have a garden where he would sit there and he would just have a race with her wife. This is just to keep that social perspective or that social aspect of their life alive. What does that do for you?

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When you have a social life? what that does for you is that it relieves the pressure of being in that state of constant worship to a lot so that you don't always have to think that my day is worthless without doing something like brain