Musleh Khan – What Ruins A Marriage

Musleh Khan
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the reasons why men and women may live this way, including loss of marriage, divorce, and separation. They emphasize the importance of gratitude and building contentment in one's life, avoiding overwhelming feelings and behavior, and monitoring behavior in the future. The speakers also mention the importance of avoiding embarrassment and sadness in relationships, and the potential for "monster" in the victim's relationship.
AI: Transcript ©
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We will discuss with you some of the reasons how men, brothers, and sisters, women, the things that they may do, or the things that they may not do, that results in them ruining their marriage, whether it ends up in divorce, or whether it ends up in a temporary separation, or whether it ends up in pure Misaki problems after confrontation, after confrontation. What are the things that happened to these two parties that causes them to live this way. And so for those brothers and sisters who are single, this lecture, or this talk is for you, those brothers and sisters who are married, this is also for you. And those of you who intend to get married in sha Allah, Allah, this

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is definitely for you. Okay, so I begin

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by a few points that I want you to always keep in mind as you hear these points. And we will go that we will go through them in, in not in chronological order, there is no specific order, it's just random. If you can memorize if you can write a jotted down in your cell phone, it would be really helpful to you. So keep track of these points, because these points have been spread throughout the community, and derived are very well aware of them.

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Things that men do to ruin their marriage, what I will do, the pattern I want to stick with is I'll mention one point that men do. And I'll also and I'll follow it up with something that women do. So we will interchange between between the men and the women.

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So having said that, realize that all these points that we mentioned, keep in mind, how many of them are just culturally based. It's all about culture. It's all about tradition. It has nothing to do with Islam. It has all to do with how I grew up. This is how mom and dad used to do it. This is where I came from. This is how that's shaped that lived in the backyard somewhere in my country, away from the community. This is what he told me one day, I saw him on the street riding a camel and asked him and this was his answer. So I stuck with that for the rest of my life.

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These are the points that I want you to keep in mind.

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So let's begin, I don't think we will finish all of them. We will look into possibly meeting again next week in sha Allah, Thailand, we will continue this topic because of its importance. In terms of questions and comments, sisters, as I always do, I encourage you to ask questions. And if there's some arrangement that can be made, where the sisters can send their questions on a paper, that that would be wonderful inshallah. And as for the brothers, you know, you guys can ask your questions, or you can also do the same, you can write them down, which is what I prefer. If you can write down your questions on top, I prefer that in shallow Toronto. Having said that, number one.

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Number one,

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how do men ruin their marriage? Number one, these are just habits and characteristics that you will find. And I'm sure as we mentioned them, many of you if not all of you might have heard or seen one of these things happen.

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Number one, in gratitude, and ask for more than you can give

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and acknowledge others passionately, but grunt or feel bad to thank your own wife. So number one,

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some men have a tendency to be dis gratitude, or to have this gratitude towards their wife, never thanking them, never appreciating all the things that they do for them. For example, when a wife is in the kitchen, and she's slaving over the stove, and you come home after a long day's work, and you say what is this, this doesn't smell good. Somehow I don't want to eat this. I'm not in the mood for this, etc, etc, etc. This this gratitude that a person has this is common. By the way. This is something that is widespread.

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This is one way that a husband can ruin his marriage because what does this do? It causes the wife now to build hatred for him. It causes the wife now to do something she doesn't want to do. And you know what that is? It eventually leads her to say you know what, I don't want to cook anymore. order pizza. If you don't want to order pizza, I'm cooking because everything I do you don't like so I'm not going to do it anymore. So what happens one thing leads to another Next problem. arguments. Next problem fights next time in extreme situations, you might find that one

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strikes the other and etc, etc. And

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how do you solve this? And we won't mention problems, unless we mentioned a solution. Do what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to do.

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prophesize tell them how to servants right? How long? How many years? Did you have this servant they used to cook for him 10 years.

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Anybody here can save the profits on the long run, he was telling told his servants, hey, listen, I don't like what you make today. for 10 years, he never said a single word like this to him. He never uttered a single word like this to him.

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And actually, the servant himself narrates this and said, for 10 years, I've served the prophets on the lawani was set up. And he never ever said to me, why did I do this? Why did I do that, or whatever the case is. Now I won't say to you, that you need to go to that extreme or you need to go to that level. It would be nice insha Allah, but we all know that that's very. So what I say to you is this. Be very moderate, and be very thankful. Try to build contentment in your heart, that whatever your wives do for you, however much they clean for you, however much chores they do for you, however many times they massage your feet, they massage you by they take care of you, whatever

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your wives do for you try to give something back. If you don't like something that she makes,

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try to do something for her next time. And you know what, you know what will happen nine out of 10 times she will completely forget about that. She will realize that you know what, if my husband doesn't like this meal, I gotta look for something else that he likes. Because what why is she going to think this because you show gratitude to her that at least her efforts don't go to waste. So do something for her serve her the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Have a look. Even if you were to take a ton of food, or a small handful of food, and you were to give it to your wife and feeder, just one mouthful, it is subtle.

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And you get a reward for that. And as we know in the Heidi's in a tournament z the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said if you smile, it is sledder Club.

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Trust me when you smile, and you smile to your spouses, they love it, they enjoy it and you know what they do deserve it. So this is the number one thing, one of the ways that husbands may ruin their marriage is by showing in gratitude to the efforts and to the sweat that the women go through.

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I want to mention here before we go to a point for the wives, I want to mention here but everyone here or as many of you raise your hands if you think or you believe or you know that it is the woman's job to cook and clean for the who believes that this is an Islamic effort that a woman must do it is watch for her to serve her husband by cooking and cleaning for him. How many of you believe this?

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How many of you believe it is not watch it for her to do this?

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How many of you are in between? In other words, she does it if she wants and if she doesn't want she doesn't have to do it? There is no problem.

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Good Masha Allah you know the last time I asked this question, is it wiser for a woman to cook and clean? All the brothers put up their hand? No, I'm Allahu Akbar. Yes, that's true. Okay.

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You know what? Mm and know your Rahim Allah states in his collection of our upbringing and knowing there is a particular show that is narrated Amendment No is said that it is not wajib. As a matter of fact, there is a great difference of opinion amongst or lemma, what is the role of a woman when she marries her husband in terms of serving Him.

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And scheffel Islam even taymiyah Rahim mumble line mentions in his fatwah probably one of the best most acceptable answers. Listen to the listen to the smart the wisdom of shefali Islam or Rahim Allah He says that usually what a woman should do when it comes to serving her husband is that she should do what is necessary based on her tribe, or based on her culture or based on the level of those women at that time. So for example, if a woman was rich, okay, she has a servant she grew up with a servant or a maid who cooked and clean for her. She decides to get married now to someone. Okay, now that husband

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He told her, okay, you got to start cooking and cleaning now or does he say to her, you got to get a servant? What does he have to do here? Who says servant?

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Who says you know you got to adjust to cook and clean?

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One brother? Yes, it is not according to shareholders time it is y chip that this woman must have a servant. It is wajib which means if you don't do it, what does that mean? When you don't fulfill a y job you end up being asked him. You know being cnd means sinful.

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This is what teaches us. How many brothers and sisters you think know this. And brothers is the first thing you hear brothers will say, not all brothers, of course, many brothers will say, Well, she has to cook and clean because you know, our original coworker moon Island Musa that the men they have the upper hand amongst women, this is completely incorrect.

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And so very important point. So if a woman she is raised in such a manner, in where she has learned to cook and clean, then this is something that she continues to do in her marriage. So there is a balance. According to shefali Islam, even Tamia Rahim Allah, this is the safest opinion. This is the opinion that causes the least amount of problems, because it causes that both parties have to do what they have to adjust. They have to make changes in order to make a relationship work, work, and that's fair. It's not going to be all upon the woman say you got to do this, this this is this No. But this causes that the husband and wife, the husband, if he's not used to that he will get used to

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it as well as the woman she will do the same.

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Number one, how do the wives ruin their marriage?

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As far as the wife's list is concerned? Number one, forget to put on your internal Okay, internal hijab or higher or modesty. That is the true garment of piety. What do we mean by this? A woman or a wife? Masha Allah from the outside, she is wearing full hijab, Mashallah. But there's one problem. It ends up being only a show or a decoration for society. They see the pious woman, they see the religious woman, but inside of her, there is problems. There's problems with her character, there's problems with her attitude, there's problems with her heart. How do you know this? When she speaks?

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everyone hears, she may be rude, she may be unjust, she may lie, she may speak about people, etc. She may gossip whatever the case is. So what happens here is the modesty that she should have in her heart is not there. What does this have to do with the husband? Can you imagine

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that you have a wife, and that she is beautiful in every way, in her cot in her in her dress, in Egypt, everything about her, she is covered very, very well. But as soon as she reaches home,

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it becomes what WWF right. And he comes a match, it becomes confrontation, it becomes argument, she raises her voice into such a manner where no one will know, no one will ever ever comprehend or think that this sister would be like this, she has lost all her modesty in her heart.

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What happens to a person who loses modesty in their heart loses higher loses sign shyness, you know, what's the ultimate destination for a person like this, their their destination, or their destiny in society, they will never Mark my words, they will not accept it in society, meaning no matter where this person goes, they will always be the talk of the town, people will always recognize them as you know, that's the brother or that's the sister that can't stop talking. Or that's the sister that says that's the person with a loud voice, that everybody will have something to label her or him as.

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So this is the number one point that we mentioned from the sisters and number two for the brothers. And number two, the second thing that a man does, and it causes him to ruin his marriage is that he will look at his wife and he would mention all of her faults. Okay, he keeps them on file. All the things that she does that's wrong. But at the same time, he uses her faults and he covers his own.

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Okay, and how does he do this? He will remain silent when he does

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Something wrong, he will remain silent. Or he will leave the house walk away. Or he will argue with her, put her down and make her feel like she is the worst person because of all the things that's wrong with her. So you know how he does this. He'll say to you, he'll say to him, sorry to hurt you a little. You do this. This is a look at the way you dress. Look at the way you talk. Look at the way you are in house. you're lazy, you don't do this. and point out pinpoint every single thing that's wrong with her.

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breaks her down mentally. And eventually, this breaks them down physically, with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say, Where was a woman created?

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From a bent rib? What does this mean?

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This does not mean that there's something intellectually wrong with women. Absolutely not. What this means is, gentleness and the softness. And the love and care that women possess is not the love and care that you will find generally in the men.

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When the prophet SAW the love while he was sending them, first receive revelation. What happened to him? Got scared.

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He got so scared that he ran. Can you imagine how frightened a person would be that causes you to run? Just think about the things that would frighten you, that would cause every one of us here to get up and run. It's got to be something major, something real severe, something that really hits home. So what did he do some love while he was alone?

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He ran. Who did he run to? Run to his uncle? Did he run to one of the P one of the townsmen? in that village? No. What did you Who did he run to? He ran to his wife?

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Yeah, how do rhodiola Why

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are the love wine,

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he went to her and he sought comfort and balloony Cover me, comfort me. Put your arms around me, give me love. This is what I need from you. This is where a woman shines. This is where the light of a woman is, is within her heart. She is filled with comfort. And this is something that Allah azza wa jal put in her.

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And so for men, when you point out when it comes to law, when you point out every single fault in your wives, realize that you are slowly but surely be certain of this slowly, but surely, you are breaking down her mentally as well as physically. And this is a reason where a marriage could reach it could reach it. Number two for women. One another thing that a woman or a wife does, that causes her to ruin her marriage

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is that she will tell her friends, whether they are near or they are far about his family, about his problems. So she will go to her friends or to her siblings. And she will say, you know, my husband has so and so and so on. So his family, his mom, I can't stand her. But then at the end, she will tell the sister or tell that person.

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Keep this to yourself. Don't say nothing. I'm just going to tell you because I can't stand this problem. So just keep that to yourself. Okay, I'll give you an update next time we meet piab salary.

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This is what the problem is. So what has she done here? Not only has she began to speak about her husband, which some of the airlines have categorized, that this is one of the highest status of LIBOR.

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LIBOR has stages. And from the highest stage the most severe stage is when a wife makes LIBOR to her husband.

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And the same is vice versa. If a husband makes cleaver to his wife, this is why their king is specific howdy the prophet SAW a long while he was seldom mentioned that you keep your affairs between yourselves between domestic affairs must be kept secret. And believe me, you and I know that when you keep things amongst yourself as husband and wife, wife, when you keep things between each other problems and you try to solve them between each other, how much you want to even want to see that case 85 to 90% of the time that problem will be solved

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simply because two people decided to sit with each other and work

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Issue without a third party. You know, they say that the less people that better this is exactly what it is, the less involvement you have from others, the easier it is to solve a problem. And so the sister she comes.

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And I hear this all the time, almost every mustard I go to, I hear this all the time, when the lecture is going on.

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On the sisters, and there is gossip, there is talk, there is chatter, there is laughter. What is happening during that time, and hearing the other end, people are listening. So you're assuming Well, everybody in the message is listening. And then my wife would come to me, or my mother would come to me or sister will come to me and say, brother, Muslim, please, you got to do something about this, we didn't hear a single word you said.

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This is not the place. This is not the for gossip or chatter, especially when it has to do with your marriage life, because it will cause problems and it will cause the marriage to be ruined a sister or a wife who does this, who talks about her husband and his affairs in secret without him knowing there's a good chance that sister will end up alone.

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Number three, from the men side, a third aspect, a third point that a man would do that will cause his marriage to be ruined. He will spend time listening to this one. Because you either know somebody that's doing this, or and be honest with their with yourself. We are not going to point no fingers at no one here. But just be honest with yourself. You either know somebody who's doing this, or you might have done it yourself. Okay, this is the time where you keep your heart Your heart open for the sake of Allah azza wa jal,

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a husband who goes out and spends time, long periods of time, for no reason, just unnecessary. Whether it be for chatter, for socialists, whatever the case is. So he's outside spending time unnecessarily out of randomly or do not even offer a reason or excuse to the wife where he's going, what is he going to do? And you know, what's, in addition to this, when she calls to find out where is he? Why is he taking so long? He looks at the cell phone? Oh, gosh, it's the wife

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don't answer.

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How can someone do this?

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Look, in the end,

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there is there is an A A, that Allah azza wa jal talks about women specifically, and addresses their pain and suffering that they go through during their pregnancy during their labor,

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Allah azza wa jal, to do this, and to be so specific, and to pay attention to such an intricate detail to her pain and suffering.

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This is something is a miracle in itself. Because the lies the wisdom, doesn't do that for the men doesn't point out a particular hardship as he does to the women. What is he mentioned, they go through pain after pain, one and the other one, what we saw the who Fianna mean. So they go through pain after pain in their labor for labor, and then above that, after they have this child, then they have to feed it, they have to breastfeed it for two years.

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And the women know and the brothers here who are married you fully well understand that sometimes even breastfeeding can be extremely painful.

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Where is the break for a woman? Then on in addition to all of this, tell her you know she's feeding the child. She just came out of a pregnancy. This isn't gonna make me a cup of tea. I don't want to hear anything. Just make me a cup of tea.

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Okay, she makes the cup of tea.

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This is too much sugar. I don't want to go make me another cup. Well, lucky. This is happening right now. This is happening with brothers. I personally am dealing with cases like this.

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As a matter of fact, there is a brother

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who went through something very similar. And he asked his wife to make him a cup of coffee. She made him a cup of coffee. When he got the coffee he said to her that I believe it was a particular coffee whether it was Folgers or whatever the case is a particular brand. He said I don't like this brand. Just Can you make me the other one that we have. Okay, this is extreme sisters Don't ever do this brothers don't ever think of doing this. This is just to add to some of the flavor to what we're talking about. The cup of coffee. She threw it against the wall and broke the cup.

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And the marriage ended at that very moment.

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Take a guess how long they were married

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two days,

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two days.

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What happened to a marriage like this, they spent three years getting to know each other. They spent 1000s of dollars. As a matter of fact, I attended the wedding. They spent 1000s of dollars at this wedding.

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Two days later, it was finished. This happened about six years ago. Till today, they have never been married again. Something so trivial. But if you don't do it in a proper manner, things like this may happen. This is a very extreme situation very rare. doesn't happen very often.

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And so in addition to this,

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when brothers whenever you leave the home

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and you want to go and pray salah and the masjid, Primavera, Basha, whatever the cases, think about her, you know, when you leave the house, let her know that you leave. Because to just walk out of the home, and have her play guessing games as to where and what you're doing.

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Even if she was supposed to randomly think well, it's almost more grip time, he usually goes to the masjid. So he's probably there. This in itself is a type of volume, type of hardship that you can avoid, you don't do this to people don't talk to anybody, especially to your wives. We give them a reason, you will let them know where they are. Once the Sala is finished, or once, whatever you are, whatever it is you're doing is over. And you want to stay, be reasonable, be an understanding person, pick up a phone and just let her know, Hey, I'll be home at so and so, hey, I'm going to stay until I share at the masjid. I'm with some brothers, I'm going to be with them for a little

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while. Let them know a lot he women wives, they will be extremely not just a little extremely appreciative to a husband that takes time to do this for them.

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Do you see how much have a little effort you and I need to make our marriage work? Do you see what it is a simple phone call. This very moment I'm going to keep throwing examples of actual situations I'm dealing with at this very moment. There is a marriage right now at this very moment that is hanging on a piece of hair. You know what the problem The main problem that we diagnose from this marriage was exactly this third point is that this brother every single day would leave his home, but he wouldn't tell his wife where he was going. So there was the suspicion that perhaps he was doing something that was foreign. Eventually we confirmed that there was no such there was no such

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suspicion. There was no soap no problem like this play you.

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She would call him when he was out he wouldn't answer.

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We asked him what was the problem? Why don't you answer this? I don't like when my wife bugs me. I will the biller

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are always a villain, we will come to a point like this from the system. And we will discuss how a sister if she wants to get information or a brother, if you want to get something out of your wife, what is the proper manner to do this. And one of them is not nagging, or bugging. And so as a result of brothers getting to a point where I can't take this anymore, and realize that there wasn't even a problem to start with in the first place. So spending time unnecessarily randomly and do not offer a reason or excuse as to your whereabouts. And when she calls you leave you hang up the phone, this is wrong. And in some cases it can be held on so brothers Be careful. Keep your wives in tune to your

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whereabouts. And as a result, your wife will not only love you more, she will continue to trust you more. And that is the key.

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As for the wife's

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number three for a wife's guide

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or a wife's guide to ruining a good marriage

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is here we are nagging is an art you must Perfect. Okay. Surely the more you repeat it, the more you say something to him, the more he'll end up listening. You're right, nagging, constantly bickering.

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By doing this will cause a marriage to be ruined.

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So what is the key here?

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If for the wise if you if there is a problem, or you're annoyed or you're upset about something? The number one thing to do when you're dealing with your hottest case is to wait for the most appropriate time to address them. What does that mean?

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When he comes home from work, don't go and run after him and say, Listen, I'm so mad, and he's still trying to take your shoes off at the door. Give him a break, cut him some slack, wait till after dinner, then you talk to him, we tell us to relax, then you talk to him. Because the general rule for men is Yeah, we do have a tendency to lose our and our anger, we do have a tendency to get upset quickly.

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And so to avoid that, give them some time. Give your husbands time, then you begin to address them.

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I don't know what works for the brothers here. What I do find is that what works very well is when you're in the car driving, and it's just you and your wife. It is a wonderful time for to talk. It is a wonderful time for you to catch up on the day. You know, so how was your day? How's it going?

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And this is where the line of conversation and communication is open. But the constant nagging. What does this do for a husband, sisters, you know what this does for a husband, it starts to build hatred in his heart for for their wives will hire the biller. Because nobody wants to be nagged. Nobody wants to be bickered at.

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And so to avoid this issue, wait for a time that is more noticeable. And then you can have a conversation and sort out whatever the issue is. Number four, how does a man ruin his marriage? The fourth point that we want to mention

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Xbox, iPhone four, BlackBerry, laptop unit

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was iPad.

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You have all of these things simultaneously?

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And then you wonder why the kids are still up?

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Okay, and then you ask your mom or you asked the your wife? Where's the chips, Bring it.

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Bring some food, man. 1am in the morning, bring some food. And that's what you do.

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This is number four, this is number four, how a man ruins his marriage. What does this mean

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is that you have all of these things that keep that keep you busy, from your responsibilities to your family, showing your kids attention, showing your wife attention. And in addition to all of this, you're busy doing your own thing with all of these different gadgets. And in addition, you tell your wife go and do this, this this this for me. You order her What do you think she feels like? What does this picture look like? It looks like you are what you are the king. And this is your servant. You don't want this to ever happen. And this is a way that a marriage ends up

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in divorce, ends up separate ends up in problems.

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And then in addition, you ask why are the kids still up? That's a good question. You should also ask yourself, why are these kids still up? allowing them to do whatever they want. Allowing them to make their own decision is an Islamic way of raising your kids. Let me repeat, if you give your children

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if you give your children the privilege to do what they want and to make their own decisions. This is an Islamic way of raising your children. Why? What is the missing ingredient?

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Allow them to do what they want. You will allow them to make decisions. But what is the additional ingredient that is most important is that you as parents must be there to guide so that when you see your children make a decision that's wrong. You are there to say hey, listen, maybe you should think about this. Maybe you shouldn't take that course maybe you shouldn't take this job. Think about you are there for guidance. You are there for advice. Let's see what you're there for your children. And in the same process, you allow them to make decisions of their own. So don't allow them to be free. These are all things that causes a marriage to be ruined.

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Number four for the women.

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The away a wife ruins her marriage is that when your husband is tense, okay? When he's not having a good day and you know he's like this. Okay when your husband is 24

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make sure you make sure comfort is in accessible. So make sure that when he is in a position where he

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What he should be hearing his good words, or what he should be feeling his comfort, make sure that he can get the picture you stay away from him, make sure you leave him alone, have his time, whatever the case is.

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And then when you're ready, push his button and the button hurt him. That's what we mean. You push his button, you realize what is the problem with him.

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And you end up attacking that problem. So for example,

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let's say the husband, he's sitting home,

00:35:35 --> 00:35:35


00:35:36 --> 00:36:05

And you bring him a plate of food. And you know that this food that you just made, you know, four months, four days, four years, that this is a food that he can't eat any can stomach. know this for a fact? You know that he doesn't like you know that he can eat this? What would you do? You make sure you give it to him so he can push his little button and annoy him? What do you do this? This is what we call you do this out of spite you do this just to make fun of him.

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This is also a common problem that happens in marriages. Anybody have Have you heard now what is the percentage of divorce now in Ontario, within the first two years, I looked it up last night, you know what it is now?

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It is over 65% in the first two years. That means that in the first two years of marriage, more than half of these couples will end up in divorce.

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In the first two years alone,

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don't be a statistic brothers and sisters.

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Because marriage is something that can be worked out very early, once two people have that main ingredient of an Islam.

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And so as we mentioned, the fourth point for the sister section is that when your husband is tense, he's upset. Just keep pushing that button to get him even more upset annoy him. Because for some reason, there are people that get pleasure out of this. You ever meet somebody like that? That gets pleasure out of seeing people upset? And then at the end when you do get upset is like, man, I love to see you man. Oh man, you look so good when you're upset.

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Or some brothers fav favorite line to their women to their wives. You look so cute when you're mad

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is ridiculous. What is so pleasing to see someone in a state in a satanic state? What is so pleasing about that? It is just like a time when I was performing a little pf for a brother.

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Another brother came in reading and the brother was acting up and he was being real vigorous. The brother said hey, I want to videotape this man. Can I can I take a picture of this? This is amazing.

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And of course we kick them out. Because why would you want to take a picture of somebody in a state like this? It's a painful state. So why would you find pleasure in making someone upset?

00:38:12 --> 00:38:14

So this is another point

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number five

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in terms of the time of salado mother, oh, by the way,

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nine o'clock. Okay, so this will be the last point and we will break and give the brothers and sisters the chance to regroup and prepare for Sala number five

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as a Man's Guide to ruining his marriage is that he will monitor her modesty in conduct and attire. Okay, listen to this very carefully. He will monitor her in the way she behaves and in the way she dresses. But at the same time, he himself will sit back when she's not looking or when she's asleep. And he will sit and he will watch mature movies. Or he will watch things that are hot on

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things that are bad for himself and also for the kids.

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But whenever she slips up, whenever she makes a mistake, he will penalize her immediately make her feel bad punish her for that. Well, when she's gone to work, or she's busy doing her thing, He's upstairs on the computer. And he may be talking to people he shouldn't be talking to. He may be doing things he shouldn't be doing.

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And as a result, a lot of Agile causes that this marriage be ruined. Never front. Should anyone feel or think that whenever you do something in secret

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and it comes and goes. So even though you know it's wrong and you do it in secret

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Never for a moment. Should you ever believe that that thing that you do that is wrong or caught on in secret. Nobody knows. Don't ever for a moment believe that there won't come a time where the table will turn right back to you.

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And we have all at some point, experienced something like this, where you might have done something wrong. Few days later, a few years later, a few months later, whatever the case is, something terrible happens to you. You lose your job, just you wake up one day you go to work, layoff complete, and you lost your job. And you sit there and you scratch your head and you wonder, well, I pray five times a day, I never miss fudger I fast I went to Hajj 10 times like I bought these things, yet still, this hardship is with me. What have I done. And then you begin to reminisce. And you remember, wait a minute.

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During those times, when my wife was out, this is what I was doing. And on top of that, I allowed the kids to do the same.

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This is why the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentions that there will come a time

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when a child will come in front of Eliza gel.

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And Allah subhanho wa Taala will ask the child, why didn't you do so? And so a particular deed? Why didn't you do it?

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And the child will respond and say, Oh Allah.

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I didn't know. I saw my father do this. saw my parents do this. So I did it too. And being the innocent child being the child and may not know better, what will allow us to do will now turn to the parents let the parents give account to what the child has done. So basically, now the parents start to take the burden of what that child has done. So the burden is doubled.

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A NEMA a word Acoma Allah to comb fitna, Allah azza wa jal says, and so little and fall, that your wealth and your children are what a pfitzner calls it a fitna a trial or tribulation, something that is extremely difficult for you to care.

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And so brothers and sisters, at this time, we would like to conclude, I hope that in sha Allah these points here are beneficial, are something that will open your eyes, that would open your hearts, your understanding, and you would begin to look at the bigger picture.

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As for the husband's your wives, is a blessing from Allah azza wa jal. As for the wives, your husband is a BA from Allah zoa Jen. And it is a miracle, that how one person no matter where they are in this world, and that second person, no matter where they are in the world, somehow, it is a miracle you and I will never understand how Allah azza wa jal has caused the DCE to hearts love each other and come together. You know, when I was when I was getting married, I used to tell myself Subhanallah you know, here I am looking for a wife. And I don't know if my wife could be sitting in China. I don't even know that my wife could be sitting somewhere on the other side of the world and

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I have no clue.

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And so this is a miracle from allies. So again, this is why he mentioned in Surah two room one min Yachty from his miracles that he has brought two hearts together to people together and put love and mercy between them. And from Allah azza wa jal. So husbands when you go home tonight, make sure that when you have dinner, to Alia zojirushi you call your wife and say here, take a spoon of food here, let me make you some tea. And why some sisters, when you go home to your husbands, be kind to them, be caring to them, and show them that yes, their efforts do pay off. And husbands you do the same while law he you will sit in this dunya as though you are in a paradise in itself as shithole Islam

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even Tamia Rahim Allah mentions These are the words that I leave you with brothers and sisters in sha Allah perhaps next week we can continue with further points on ways that a man ruins his marriage and ways that a woman ruins her marriage. May Allah subhanho wa Taala Have mercy on all of us. May Allah azza wa jal grand Peace and blessings to our souls sallallahu alayhi wa sallam May Allah azza wa jal put bollock in the highest in the lives of our husbands and in the lives of our wives, may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless all of them, bless the children, bless them in their time in their efforts in the studio and reward us all tremendously.

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The Earth era akula mantus marathon was through Darwin and hamdulillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Lecture on some of the things that brothers and sisters may do to ruin their marriages.

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