Family Life #6

share this pageShare Page
Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

Series:

Episode Notes

Allah is Always Watching.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:01--> 00:00:49

Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone misma level recommanded Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was salam, ala ashrafi, MBA will mousseline Nabina Muhammad Ali of Posada, what attempted to slim? So let's get right to it in love with Tara that we are now on verse number 16 of assuta to local men in our series of life with children and young adults. So the next piece of advice that local man, he said and continues with his son is he says, Yeah, boo name. So notice he continues with the same with the same title with the same call. Yep. When a and we mentioned in one of the first installments of the series is that Yabu nine is the the most respectful way of

00:00:49--> 00:01:35

addressing your children. So it doesn't have to be Yabu. Nay, it can. It can be anything that wherever you live your culture and society that you belong to the way that people call their children in the most respectful and polite way in the most loving and caring way. And sometimes in some cultures, actually, maybe in most cultures, that's just their name, that you call them by their name, but then the tone of voice, the time the place all of these other factors play a crucial role in how you want to project that piece of advice or that message. And so it continues and he says, Yeah, when I in Tacoma in Napa in Tacoma myth, Karla Betty Malhotra daelin fetter qu nephele

00:01:35--> 00:02:21

Socrative. Office semi dirty old Phil arnoldi. Yet TB holla in LA hi loudly from hobby. So here's the thing. Listen to the translation of this in Napa in Tacoma with color have bettin men, Haldane Allah subhanho wa Taala indeed, that so what is it that you're referring to? In that head? it's referring to something What is it referring to? So emammal to be able to mala scholars of Tafseer say that this is referring to Mercia with the gnome. So it's referring to sins and mistakes, that sort of thing. So what is he talking about now? Look, man, it his son is now going to speak to his son about sins and mistakes, and the consequences is not going to be talked about the punishment is

00:02:21--> 00:03:07

not going to be mentioned, there's actually a completely different angle. Again, this also gives us an insight to the wisdom of luck, man, as he said, um, he was thinking about all of these pieces of advice for some time, this wasn't just something that he pulled out of his hat, or it wasn't just something that he's making up on the spot. This is something that he put time and effort to try to reflect on and think about. So he says, If there if there was a tiny seed, a tiny seed mythopoetic hub button, just a tiny little seed or a tiny little grain of something fetta kona, few Sahara. And it was under a rock, outfit, semi wet, overfill anywhere between the heavens and the skies and in

00:03:07--> 00:03:56

the earth. So in other words, a lie, say, somewhere on this earth, there's a little tiny seed, and it's sitting underneath or behind a rock, go find it. Allah is saying, yep, TB, hello, I will bring this forth, I will bring forward that tiny little seed. In other words, the imagery in this area is telling us we as parents and we as children, that regardless what it is that you do, whether you harbor the most secretive of secrets, whether you try to hide a past or history of something that you knew if it got out, it could get you into trouble, it will manifest itself and it's just a matter of time, it will either happen in this world, or it will happen later on in the era. But

00:03:56--> 00:04:40

Allah saying yet TV Hello, alive did not say now just listen to the wording especially for those of you who appreciate the Arabic, Allah doesn't say familia TV, hello, then I will bring forward that tiny little grain or that tiny little seed of mistake and sin. So here's the thing. A lot of people ask, you know, that's pretty scary. So you're saying that the poor and is telling us that regardless how much we repent and regardless how much we pray and we seek forgiveness, those things are never really going to go away. Allah is going to bring it on the Day of Judgment. No, this a is talking obviously about the person who's trying to hide those sins and mistakes and not to seek the

00:04:40--> 00:04:59

forgiveness or change their life and show accountability, show accountability in the sight of Allah, that at the end of the day, if my parents don't see me, Allah is watching me. So here's the first thing for all of the children and all the young adults that are watching this, okay, this area first and foremost to you. What is it

00:05:00--> 00:05:34

This is the poor man's way of saying, whatever you try to hide from your parents, Allah will expose it not just in front of all of mankind, but in front of your parents as well. They'll come on the Day of Judgment. And they'll think that their child was Mashallah two and three o'clock in the morning, you can hear them, you know, you can hear a voice, because the parents are in bed, they're sleeping to kind of hear a voice down there, they know it's their kid and they're thinking, Mashallah, they must be reading, they must be praying to HUD, Jude or something, but they don't know that you were talking to that secret of boyfriend or girlfriend that they told you to stay away

00:05:34--> 00:06:13

from, they don't know is that you probably not talking to anybody, but those websites that you weren't supposed to click on, you're clicking on them all night. So they're hearing the volume of that. So all of these little things, Allah is saying that if you try to hide it, just like how somebody would hide a grain or a seed, under a rock, anywhere on the face of this earth, anywhere between the heavens and the earth, Allah is saying, I'm going to expose that. So in other words, it's his way of saying, What are you trying to do? What are you trying to hide? You know, I'm going to, I'm going to expose it, I'm going to bring it in front of everyone. So this poor man's way to

00:06:13--> 00:06:59

causing the person who's doing the hiding to just stop for a moment and be honest, be honest with yourself, but especially Be honest with your parents, that's the least that your parents deserve from you is that you should always get honesty. Now, let's flip this around. Parents don't think that this area is just for your kids. Because the milkman or the histogram is doing the talking here and the core and clearly says yeah, you will Latina M and or people of mn limit Taku Luna mela to Pharrell, why is it that you say something that you yourself don't practice? So why is it that you preach but you don't practice? Look, man alley, hustler got his own sorta in the corner and his

00:06:59--> 00:07:39

history and his biography is praised by scholars, it studied from the time it was revealed, perhaps until the day of judgment, it's going to be remembered, it's going to be studied, there's a good chance that without reading any tough seal, that the fact that Allah highlighted this conversation between the father and son, that the Father Himself, and especially when you read his biography, the Father Himself was practicing what he preached. So it's safe to say that when Ben Allison is giving this advice to his son, that he's already practicing it himself. So that's for us parents now. What do you think you're hiding, or you're when you're upset that your kids are hiding things from you,

00:07:40--> 00:08:15

you have to ask yourself as well. And make sure that you're in line with the knowledge and the discipline that you're trying to instill in your kids. You want them to be open with you, you want them to be able to express these things with you. But most importantly, you don't want them to hold secrets. You don't want them to live a second or a third personality or a third leg behind the door. You want to be able to go to work, you want to be able to go to the grocery store, do what you have to do, but at least feel a sense of comfort and ease that you can trust your child. And let me tell you what, there are ways that you can figure out when your kids are hiding things from you. And

00:08:15--> 00:08:48

here's the first thing so I'm going to give you a couple of things that the Quran and Sunnah teach us. The first thing is pay attention to the signs. So what the signs is that when your kids come home from school, but he went even college or university, they come home from school. And the first thing that they do is they go up to their room, and they take like three hours to change and come back downstairs. So what are they doing for three hours? So you got to pay attention to that pattern. Because no matter what you say, no matter what we may think, whether we might be saying okay, well, you know what, they're probably just changing for three hours. Okay, they're probably

00:08:48--> 00:09:23

catching up from prayer for three hours, or they're probably just relaxing. They've been at school all day and they just got home, they can relax a little later. If they're exhausted, you will see that from the moment they walk into the door, you'll see that and that's the second. That's the second point to also pay attention to that when they come through the door. That there's no Salaam Aleykum there's no Hey, how's it going? Oh my god, I had a rough day the teacher was this nobody showed up. I got I failed my exam. Like they'll start to unwind and tell you some of the things that happened during their day. But no, just crawl up the stairs or go into their room locked up for a

00:09:23--> 00:10:00

few hours and not even come down for dinner. Not even and you have to like call them and shout yield Oh come downstairs or did you pray already? All of these things. So the whole isolation and seclusion from the rest of the family even though they've been gone all day. That's the first sign the second one is how often do they have these kinds of personal conversations with you? You know, my friend was saying this. This happened to me at school. You know, on my way home I took the subway something else happened, like these little experiences that they're having that have a direct effect on themselves like it doesn't necessarily involve their surroundings or where they're inviting

00:10:00--> 00:10:39

But it's about them, it's about their feelings. When your kids are not talking to you about their feelings, then you can rest assured that they are talking to somebody else. And with this world that we're living in, in the whole digital age, you can just see and just think for a moment, just how far that will go. So pay attention to that sort of thing. And then the third and the final thing that I will encourage parents to also keep in mind is it pay attention to the whole personality trait. So in other words, when your children are with you, you know, they're Muslim, but when they go to school, they're barely Muslim. So that can mean a number of things. It can be the way that

00:10:39--> 00:11:16

they dress so they can dress a certain way when they're with you. When they go to the mall. And they go to the masjid. They look Muslim all the way they act Muslim all the way they talk Muslim all the way. But then when they go to school, the moment that you allow them to go out with friends, they go to the movies, etc. They like you have to like stand by the door and be like the clothing police. And just literally that why wearing that word? Why is your jeans so tight? Like how come I can see all of that from you? Why you expose like that? Since when do you smell like that? Why you put on so much perfume? Since when do you smell like cigarettes, where were you pay attention to the things

00:11:16--> 00:11:52

that don't fit within their overall personality. So that's the three things that could really get you started and say and start thinking that Wait a minute, there's probably more here that I'm been missing out. So what is what's happening is parents, you've got to pay attention to this stuff. If you don't pay attention, and you take it for granted, then there's a possibility that you will lose that control, you will lose that influence and forget about trying to teach them Islam at this point, forget about bringing as always hold on to bro to wear those jeans. I don't know why I got them for you. But Allah says no. This is this is where the accountability comes in. So this is where

00:11:52--> 00:12:31

I'm looking at you parents now. You know, how did your children get all that freedom? Because you gave it to them? How did they end up dressing that way? Because you bought them the clothes? How did they start acting this way speaking that way, because you allowed it to go on for some time. But you have to be on top of these things. That's what parenting is. And this is why Lewis Hamilton tells us twice in the poor, and what are the more intimate and why look when we're allowed to come fitnah that understand that by no means you have knowledge and understanding that wealth. But children, they are a fit enough for you, they are a real grind and test for you. It's not easy to be a parent,

00:12:31--> 00:13:16

which you cannot give up. As long as you are a parent, you have to live and act like a parent. And I always say and some of you probably hear me say this in some of my other talks that just because somebody has children does not make them a parent. Because parenting and learning those skills and text techniques is completely separate from just birthing and having children. And so Allah subhanho wa Taala by allowing us to see this piece of advice it gives us really puts things into perspective than both ends of the spectrum. So for the kids, when you think you can hide, you really can't hide and least the dignity and respect that you can offer to your parents, the least the bare minimum is

00:13:16--> 00:13:55

just to be honest with them. What is the worst that can happen? If you do something terrible, then it's like how we say in society, that you you do the crime you do the time so just kind of take your burden, but at least be honest. And parents pay attention to that. When they are saying to you you know, Mom, dad? Yeah, I do like him. You know, I know. I know. I'm not supposed to fall in love, but I don't know what to do. I followed I fell in love with him. He sits beside me in class, like every day, he sits with me and we have lunch together. You know, I sit with her and she's she looks beautiful. I can't stop staring at her. Yeah, I like a girl. Don't just be like, Okay, you know

00:13:55--> 00:14:35

what, we're going to take you to Brother Musleh. He's going to recite some core ad over you and we need to just clean you all up. It's not going to work yet and he's like I've always said doesn't transform an individual. It's not like the magic one, you share an A or and a Hadeeth and bada bing, bada boom, that's it. Just everything is all going to be okay. And these are a medium towards change. But change must come from within. It must there must be something within the heart that stimulates the need and the desire that I got to do things differently. This is what Allah subhanho wa Taala meant when he said in the law, you lay your man the opponent had tell you, hey, you're

00:14:35--> 00:14:59

maybe and forcing him alone will never change the state of a nation or a people unless they are willing to stimulate change within themselves. So you can have 1000 as you can read the core and listen to a million lectures. But guess what is not a single one of them will have any change or influence in you. If you don't care.

00:15:00--> 00:15:38

To listen to it, if you don't care to say, you know what that advice makes sense, I need to change, I need to do things a little different. So that's for you, the kids out there, the young adults out there, just be open and honest with your parents, man, it's not worth it, you will regret it, it will come back to haunt you and bite you in the worst way. And the worst part of that is that if it's too late, if one or both of your parents are gone at that point, when you wish you could have been more honest, when you wish, you could have told them the truth, when you wish that you didn't hit what you hid, you didn't hide what you had, you didn't, you didn't keep the secrets that you

00:15:38--> 00:15:45

kept, it'll come back and bite you the worst way. And what a regret what a sad state that would be for you. But parents,

00:15:46--> 00:16:24

cut your kids some slack in the sense that try to put yourself in their shoes, and understand all the pressures that they're coping with understand all the influences that are around the triggers that are around that are constantly triggering their desire, their imagination, their fantasies, every single movie, every single cartoon, I mean, you can even watch, you can even like drive on a highway somewhere and not see a billboard of you know, somebody's being exploited. Somebody's holding like a, you know, coke bottle or something. And they're advertising the coke bottle. But that's the last thing that when you're driving by you see, all you see is the finger and how they're

00:16:24--> 00:17:02

barely dressed, or how they're bent over a certain way how they act a certain way. Like all of these little things, like understand the environment, the kids didn't bring themselves to that place. We were the ones that brought them there. So whether they were born in a particular city, that they're exposed to that stuff, or us parents, you grew up somewhere else, but you migrated and went to another country for whatever reason. The point is, is that they didn't bring themselves there, they didn't decide to be born and grown up in step into that environment, we brought them there. So it's important for us to understand the balance that the end of the day, my kid is exposed to a lot. And

00:17:02--> 00:17:46

especially for the college and university students, you guys have been the most difficult in the sense that if you're not grounded with Islam properly, you're going to walk into those classes where they talk about like the theory of evolution, the purpose of life, they're going to talk about all these different theologies and philosophies about our purpose and where religion fits in all of that. And we live in a day in in a time where religion now is constantly under critique, and the value of having a lot or God Almighty in your life, it's losing that value. And people are starting to lose that importance that okay, I mean, this is probably like an imaginary, an imaginary being,

00:17:46--> 00:18:25

or creation out there. I can't see it. I can't touch it. I can't communicate with it. So what's the point of believing it's just the figment of my imagination. And so that starts to stimulate a lot of conversation and you start leaving, well, maybe he doesn't exist. And you're a Muslim and you've been born and you come from a Muslim household, your father's a volunteer at the masjid. Your mom is like a volunteer as well. She's donating, you guys are all Muslims, and you live like a Muslim family. But here you are. You don't even know for sure. If God Allah really exists in all of this happened because of one class you took, you know, on, you know, the purpose of life. So all of these

00:18:25--> 00:18:49

issues there, it's really important that you constantly ask questions, and you constantly talk and you have these conversations. All of this sprouts out that you're honest with yourself, that you expose what it is that you're feeling in the most pleasant, you know, in the right way to the right people. So you get the right guidance and the right pieces of advice, and it starts with parents. So with that being said, I'm just going to take a look

00:18:50--> 00:18:51

on here

00:18:53--> 00:19:36

zelina Bakhtiar salaam aleikum wa sallam please make more how to teach children as a parent based on the Quran. And Sunnah and experience being a parent. I am not a parent. But yet I need to know before Allah blesses my husband and I with them Mashallah, it's nice that you're thinking ahead already zelena bucks that you know, at least at this point, you're not a parent, but at least you want to think about it. So this is what the series is all about. But we're not once we're done the advice of Look man, I'm going to move on to other sections of the Quran and the Sunnah in where we can extract a lot of techniques and a lot Oh my god, countless and countless parenting techniques

00:19:36--> 00:19:59

found in the center. So we're going to take as much of it as we can in this month of Ramadan inshallah, so, not to worry, is that enough action shot level that will be there for you. Anybody that has any questions or suggestions, by all means, just put them in the comment field. I think that's a quick and easy way for us to address them. And then shalom. Shalom Terada tomorrow. Yeah. Boo Nia apenas signer

00:20:00--> 00:20:37

What motivated merrowed off. Now this next verse, verse number 17, it says, if we document it, Hassan will summarize all the pieces of advice in one. It's just absolutely remarkable. But with that being said, Guys, I'm going to leave it here in shuttle avatar that once again, I'm reminding everybody to please please, if you're not doing this already, take some time play this for your kids. Watch this as a family. And both kids ask your parents and questions about it. Mom, Dad, you understand what he's saying? He just said, what I what I feel all the time. Sometimes I can talk to you guys. Sometimes I see you guys doing certain things. But because you're my parents, I don't want

00:20:37--> 00:21:13

to say the mom, dad, what you're doing is wrong. Be able to say that sort of thing. This is what the series is intended for, is that I want to shout louder, or at least try to stimulate the right type of conversation so that you can all heal as a family. And it starts off by talking about these issues, confronting them, being civilized and dignified by doing it in the most pleasant way that these pieces of advice are teaching us to do. With the little things respect, yep, when they get right to the point, don't create a long story. Don't start crying there and just be like, oh, when I was a kid, and I grew up, they never thought that this is good. None of that stuff. Just get to the

00:21:13--> 00:21:53

what it is that you want to say. Do it in a nice way. Do it in a respectful way. And especially for the kids 100% times over that you need to be more respectful when you want to say the same thing to your parents, and just cut each other some slack. Sometimes parents will come across the wrong way. It's just because that's the way they were taught cut them some slack. Don't be like the Don't be like the type of the type of person that will critique every sentence. Why did you say it that way? Mom, what did you really mean? Just try to forgive and forget and always have Christmas London, always think positive, especially with your parents, and parents. They're your kids. If you truly

00:21:53--> 00:22:15

truly love and care for them. Just sit there be patient and listen to them unload. And I promise you In short, lo Darrell and never will a parent give their children time to say the things that they want except that they will always find something good and something beneficial. Even if they're giving you bad news, you'll always see the beauty that man at least at least he told me

00:22:16--> 00:22:51

they've been in a relationship for the past three years behind my back but at least he told me now. So now we're going to try to fix this now I gotta try to see what I can do here. So these are the little things just when you pay attention to all of the good things in the worst situations, then the worst of it becomes a lot easier to cope. Okay, a lot easier to cope with the challah. So with that being said guys, please take care stay healthy wherever you are. MLS panel entirely continue to accept from us our fast except to us our worship and our efforts alone to me. So Take care everybody until we meet again send Mr. De Kumara to Laguna Catan