Ask Musleh – How do you deal with a spouse who struggles with anger management?

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Musleh Khan

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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone welcome back to ask Muslim This is of course you, brother Muslim? So today's question is really important. Some of you have been asking about anger management in a marriage, and particularly how do husbands and wives control that anger with each other? So something is not done a certain way if she didn't cook the food, right? Or he didn't come home on time. And you snap and you react to that. That's that situation? How do you deal with those things? Well, first of all, you have to understand the dangers of being angry, and what anger does for any human being not only just for Muslim, but just anyone in general. Anger is a sickness of the

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heart. And anger is something that causes people to do crazy things because you get into the state where you lose control. And obviously, we know that anger has different stages, there's a natural type of anger that you and I, no matter what every single human being has that natural type of anger, things just make us upset each and every single day of our lives. And that's perfectly normal. And this is what you have to understand to separate that when it comes to a marriage from that type of anger to something a little more severe. Husbands and wives, you'll always be angry at each other for something, there's something going to be about that individual that you're just not

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going to like or you want them to do differently. That's okay. Because this is where that compromising that given take, and you know, those expectations that you have for your spouse, these these are the times where you need to give and take or to compromise or to overlook and just simply ignore. So that's the first type of anger that you need to understand where do you fit in when it comes to that. The second thing is anger that's anything beyond natural. So for example, you start to scream, yell, shout, insult. Or in some extreme cases, somebody would break things or grab objects and throw it across the room, or even in worse, worse scenarios where two individuals start

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to physically abuse each other. If it's any one of these types of anger, now who now we have a problem, because the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam ordered the own man and ordered all of the people to control their anger, and they would do it in really interesting ways. And remember the prophets I said them at the end of the day, he was a human being as a lot as xojo says that he has chosen a prophet Minh and for Sequim, he's chosen it from amongst you. So he was a human being at the same time he had natural emotions. So how did he deal with his anger with all of his wives, very simple. Number one, the prophets I send them avoid confrontation as much as possible. That's what

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you need to do. If you know you're going to get into an argument with your spouse, try to get out of it right away at that moment, don't even hesitate walk away going to another room, go sit down, turn on the TV, or you know, go for a walk around the street do something to get yourself out of that moment. Number two, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also encouraged us to perform will do so if you if it's not convenient enough for you to leave that particular situation get into the washroom go and perform will do think of will do as like an a fire extinguisher. It'll literally extinguish all of those evil emotions that might come out of that particular person. Another way the

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prophesies send them used to deal with anger, especially in his marriages, is that he would also ask Allah azza wa jal for protection by saying our roads the Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim. Because anger, it originates from the west southwest or the whisper of the shaitan. So immediately at that moment, if you can perform, although you can get out of it, or was a little bit lucky, min ash shaytani. r rajim. You seek refuge in protection and a lot as Elijah from the evil whispers of the shaitaan. Another way to deal with anger, which I find in sha Allah is very, very effective is to ignore pause and try to talk your problems out as much as possible. And try to choose moments that

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are appropriate. Don't come back to the person when you know their emotions are high. When you know that they're really feeling the heat and they're really into the moment. Try to avoid that as much as possible. Wait till things calm down, and try to communicate. Go up to your spouse and ask them and say, Look, I'm sorry, you know what happened? Start to apologize. Start to try to pick up the pieces of that moment and put it back together as soon as possible. Don't sleep and go to bed knowing that both of you hate each other or you've just gotten over a big fight. Don't let that happen. Even if you have to stay up all night and work it out. Try to work it out. Because Allah

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azza wa jal says I placed molad and Rama between you, I've placed love and mercy amongst you. So it's up to you and I inshallah, we try

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To preserve that love and mercy as much as possible, make sure brothers and sisters that you always realize that marriage is difficult. And many, many times in a marriage, it can be a great strong test from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So keep all of these things in mind. I hope this helps all of your marriages out there may Allah azza wa jal make it easy for myself and all of you with Santa Monica Monica to LA he will better care to

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me