Advice for Divorcees

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Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

Episode Notes

Jumu’ah khutbah delivered by Shaykh Musleh Khan at Sakinah Center – Friday March 6, 2015

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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No matter who want to start you know who want us to huddle

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when our although billahi min sruti and fusina woman see tr Merlino mi m d level philomel the letter Y mejor blin follow her Deanna Why should I learn ilaha illallah wa de hula sharee Cara Why should one know Mohammed Abu Sulu sallallahu alayhi wa ala early he was herby woman so Darla energy or Mr. Nabisco Nettie Isla Yo, Medina, Amar buried for taco LA. burb? For God Mr. Ana subhanho wa Taala Phaeton xili. Here you have Latina ermanno top law helper to party, wala Mouton. Illa, one to Muslim on some buried my brothers and sisters

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in a beautiful surah of the Quran surah Allah, the surah of divorce.

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This topic of divorce

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has been a topic that

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of extreme importance in every culture of every religion on the face of this earth. It is a topic that some scholars and mmm have done a tremendously good job in addressing

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and a topic that some have done an absolutely terrible job in addressing

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and so I bring your attention but they let atalla to what Allah subhanho wa Taala says about this topic of divorce but more specifically advice on the etiquettes of dealing with a situation as similar to okpala. First thing you want to know

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Paula is introduced in the Quran in Surah Al Baqarah.

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And a large chunk of pseudo Tel abakada is devoted to the cam and the rulings and laws regulations of Pollock. But it's not complete. In Mr. Udo de Allahu anhu. He mentions that suta polyp, which is the 65th surah of the Quran, was actually revealed after suta Bukhara and he says this because in sootel bacara when divorce is discussed, it's not complete. So Sunita tala completes the discussion. So Sunita tala fills in those gaps that are found in sootel bacara. The second point

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what's remarkable to me is how Allah subhanho wa Taala begins this discussion.

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Allah azza wa jal says, Not yet you hola Xena ermanno Yeah, au hanabi. Allah azza wa jal speaks directly to His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, why? Because the subject in the surah is a high priority subject. It is so important that you prophet of Allah, you listened very carefully.

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Now this topic of polyp is actually Haram. In some cultures, you can't talk about getting divorced. It just simply isn't right. The Catholics they say until death do us part. But what this tells you is that when we have a sort of like this in the corner, and it's telling you that there are going to be relationships that simply won't work out, they simply won't last. And so Allah azza wa jal doesn't force or compel you to stay in a relationship like that. But this could be an avenue to lead you to something better. There are many couples who have divorced and have remarried and have lived happily ever after. So this is just the reality and the suddenness of how life is and we know this

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that even in the companion some of the companions themselves divorced. So Allah azza wa jal tell tells us Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or prophet of Allah or prophet my messenger, either Pollak to Melissa

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paws.

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Allah azza wa jal says either either is a word that describes something that is inevitable it's going to happen. So when it does happen, this is what you do. A lot does it say in our luck to manisa if you ever were to do something like this, either, it's going to happen. So when it does happen, here are the etiquettes you need to follow when you separate from women. Now talak comes from the word talakad. Tanaka means to separate two things that are inseparable in and of themselves. So even scholars, they see when you let go of an arrow when you have a bow and arrow and you release the arrow, that's called polyp as well figuratively, of course. So Allah azza wa jal

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says that when you separate from your women for Talia komen

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They're in what? Solaris,

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then divorce them in a time period. This is their period that is appropriate that follows the laws of Islam. In other words, you can't divorce a woman while she's pregnant.

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Allah azza wa jal in Surah Al Baqarah tells you that, during that pregnancy, that's her ID. And it's even mentioned later on in the same sort of as well. The wisdom behind that is there still a possibility that you can save the marriage, so the waiting period of at least three months, so there's no pregnancy but at least three months, this is an opportunity for you to reconcile, to work out your differences. One of the greatest wisdoms even for this is especially for the woman, she knows how to calm her husband down, she knows how to do certain things that will start to at least trigger some good memories of her. And even vice versa. He knows how to please her. He knows how to

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serve her and how to protect her and provide for and give her the things that will give her a good life. So this waiting period of three months is an opportunity to see if there's any spark left in the marriage. It's not an opportunity for you to psychologically torture one another. It's not an opportunity for her to leave the house and go stay by her parents. Because look what Allah azza wa jal says next, what Taka la hora back home have Taqwa of Allah Who is your master? Why is this so important? In the Quran, a divine contract from Allah azza wa jal to his prophets and messengers is called me.

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With Benny Isra in, Allah describes the contract that Musa alayhis salaam has with has with Benny is sort of ill, and he calls it a me sec, with a husband Misa kakum mythique a divine contract between Allah and His prophets and messengers. You know, what's interesting about this term, Allah uses the same term to do to describe a marriage contract. And

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this is not a joke. This is something real, you don't break a marriage trip for trivial reasons, because she can't cook, because he just he has bad hygiene problems, or he's never spending time with you. These are not valid reasons to start off a call out, they can certainly lead to it. But that's not how talak begins. Those are not the reasons that you go to an Imam or scholar and say, I don't want to live with her because she doesn't know how to cook my favorite foods.

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This is what Paula has become in some Muslim cultures. And today, in 2015. In Ontario alone, the divorce rate has climbed above 60%. In the first two years of marriage, Muslims are not very far from that. How many times have you heard it? How many times have you witnessed it and seen it for yourself, of how many young couples are getting married today all over the Muslim world. And in a couple of years, in a couple of months, they end up in divorce for the most trivial reasons. I argue that one of the reasons behind this is the lack of education that are given to these couples before they get married. I mean, we can go and study how to drive a car, we can study how to ride a boat,

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we can study how to do so many other things. But when it comes to marriage, somehow some of these communities feel as though we can just wake up and get married. That's why in fact, there is an entire chapter titled The fifth of Nikesh, and it's one of the thickest chapters in film, because the rules and the regulations behind the responsibility of marriage are so many, you actually have to sit there and study it like how you would study to get a driver's license. You sit there with the book, you try to learn everything there is to know and you go out and take the test. So the same logic has to be applied towards marriage.

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But when you don't have that, this is when Allah azza wa jal speaks to you and says Look, when a divorce is about to happen have Taqwa of Allah. Why? Because the first thing that couples lose in a divorce is their tough claw.

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This is where the emails they start exchanging with one another. Every email is full of profanity, cuss words. They just insult one another. Then the in laws get involved, and it becomes one massive drama and you can see it on his on her face. She can't eat, she can't sleep. You can see on his face that he's so depressed. He can't focus. He can do his job. He can't do anything. Why? Because you're losing taqwa.

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What is the problem with some of these couples who are doing this? That they don't want to strive to just separate if that's what it comes down to? And just let bygones be bygones? This is your life. This is my life. Let's separate and let's move on, but know what happens is

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One side of the couple decides that I'm going to send you to court. And I'm going to summon you on file for spousal support, I'm going to take all your property away, and for the rest of his life, or at least the next 20 years of his life, he's going to pay fees every single month, 14 and 1500 bucks just to you Why? Because this is the psychological torture, you want to put him through. And sometimes it's reversed. The guy, the husband, he doesn't want to divorce his wife. But in addition to that, he doesn't want to pray. He drinks he smokes, he disobeys, he doesn't fulfill her rights. He won't give her her Maha Maha. So you know what happens to women like that? They come in our

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offices, and they complain about their husbands how they want to divorce their husbands. Now we won't divorce them right off the bat, we will have to say to them, Well, where's your husband? Oh, he doesn't want to talk to you. He's ashamed. He knows the show up in the community. So he doesn't want to speak to any one of them. If we can't clean up our act in our homes, what makes you think we can do that outside of our homes? If we can't be civilized with our own families? How can we be civilized in the parking law? How can we be civilized anywhere else we travel and anywhere else we go. You noticed the beautiful Hadith our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one said hi eurocom

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hydrocone Anthony Wolfie rewire theater theater company early. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once told you and i a beautiful Hadith, every single one of us know and we hear it and we quoted all the time. The best of you are the ones who are the best to their parent to their to their families. Now just pause for a moment. You know what this Hadeeth is really talking about?

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It's telling you that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam treated his family better than he treated aboubaker better than he treated automotive no hot tub better than he treated all of the elite companions at the end of the day, no matter what kind of interaction he had with these elite sahabas his family got the best of him, his family got a treatment no other companion was able to have from him.

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Now I want you another reason I give you an example like this as I want you to think of the reality in our Muslim culture today. How do we treat our show you our brothers and sisters in the community, spending time with them laughing with them enjoying enjoying time with them, shaking their hands, treating them with the best route with the utmost respect, giving the Imams and show us all the gifts in this world, but then go home, go home and literally become a monster in front of your own family. I have seen this with my own eyes that sometimes I would talk to us Ben

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and his wife would come by and she would have to literally stand and wait for him for one hour because why he wants to fit and finish off his conversation about his favorite food with that chip. You wife sit there Wait. You don't have no say. Just do as I say.

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This is how this is what's happened. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam completely reversed that table. If he saw any of his wives waiting, he would cut his conversations with the companions and go and attend to them. He gave his family the front seat of the car if you want to call them or use that expression. They sat in the front seat. They had the best foods they had priority. They had the kindness words, they had the biggest smiles they had the sweetest scent of his perfume was given to them.

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It wasn't given to outside of his community. They just had a taste of that. And so a lot so Adele says one talaq happens. have Taqwa because that's the first thing that people have a tendency to lose. And then the idea continues.

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To collegio nam in beauty hin wala hora, Gina Illa a Tina before he shot a MOBA, you know, Allah azza wa jal tells you and either husbands don't send them or kick them out of the house, when they're in that waiting period, hold on to them. Even if you're not going to speak for the three months, you keep them in the house. And you notice that the verse actually says last two, three to one min boo to him, don't take those women out of their homes. A lot didn't say out of your homes, husbands, Allah call these homes, their homes as well. It also belongs to them. They have a fundamental they have a fundamental right to stay in that house, at least for that waiting period.

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And as we all know, all of us who have studied the rules of divorce the rules of the waiting period, you know fully well, that this is a hack upon her that we those moments we look after all of their expenses during that waiting period. You don't have the right to put her through any physical or psychological torture and say to her well

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If you're going to stay with me in this three month period, I'm not gonna pay for your food. I'm not gonna pay for the groceries. As a matter of fact, I'll buy food just for myself and the kids. You figure it out. You buy your own guests, you pay your own cell phone bills, you have no health care, no right to do this. And Allah azza wa jal says it's their home as well. This is why some are lemma argued. This is why Allah had made you an AI husband's Poli moon. It's because we have the strength, the ability to stamina, to go out and work and look after our family families. One opinion states called Moon is restricted just to families. You only take care of them. When you can uphold all the

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responsibilities in your home. You are now qualified under the umbrella of qalamoun.

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You are now qualified. under the umbrella of Pomona you have the strength, you have the heart. You have the brilliance and it's all being utilized in the correct way. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala continues. What maneater what tilka who do do law now before that happens in a Tina before he shot him albina there's only one instance you're allowed to remove her from the house is this she committed some kind of open shameless act. Now shamelessness here is movie in a movie mobian is a very powerful word word. Because what Allah azza wa jal is saying to you is that this act of shame that she commits is something that has to be so abnormal and so obvious. It's not normal for

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marriages to live with that kind of shame. So it has to be something extreme like she, she puts poison in your food, or she wants to fight back or you fight back with or this happens vice versa. Only then you're allowed to separate from the house, domestic abuse, physical violence, etc. These are the reasons that can cause you to separate within the waiting period. But otherwise, Allah so Joseph stay together, and try to work it out. And then he concludes, what to get who do the law these are the parameters of a law that he set for you, well may enter Idaho do the law for cattle voluminous, and whatever goes beyond these parameters that Allah subhanho wa Taala sets forth has

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indeed, caused a volume upon upon themselves. In other words you're sending.

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In other words, you're disobeying Allah, when you cross these boundaries. Allah gave you three months to work it out in three months, not two or one month. Allah gave you rules in those three months. Look after one another, do that a lot. So it just says it's her house, do Don't kick her out. She has every right to be in there as well stay in the same house. Allah forces you guys to put aside your bias emotions and work things out. Then Allah azza wa jal concludes, lead Tegrity you don't know La, la, la, de su bar de lica. And Morocco. You don't know later on in your life. A lot can change all of this and give you a better life. In other words, what happens to people when they

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eventually do divorce, some fall into a state of depression. They can eat, you see it on their face, they start missing one another. They start having memories of life with one another. Allah azza wa jal says, Look, if you have Taqwa, I'm going to take care of you. You never know that when one divorce happens, another blessed marriage will take place, things will get better. And even if it means that you stay single for some time, that's the bottom call law gives you. It is not how long it's not as if you're losing something in your life because you stay single, or they may have lived and died and they were single, and they lived the most blessed lives ever. They live the most

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blessed lives you can imagine. So you can certainly be single and complete your entire Deen and live a life of bottlecap alesse. As you don't know, this could be my plan. One of the things you have to keep in mind is this discussion of divorce is not a topic you should have within the marriage. You shouldn't be sitting with your wife or husband and just talk about, well, one day if we divorce, what are we going to do? The topic you should be discussing is death.

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If one of us dies, what will happen to the kids? What will happen to the property? Or what happened to all of this? Where would they go? What would they do? That's the kind of conversation you have to have. Leave the topic of divorce. If that ever comes up if there's ever a problem that leads you towards that. Then a lot as a joke gives you another etiquette and extremely important one of how to live with one another a lot as a joke.

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As for either banana Attila one for mc cohoon Bhima roofing are fairly who wouldn't be married off?

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Allah azza wa jal says Look,

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when the waiting period is over, you have two decisions, you have two options. The first option is you can stay together. So after this waiting period just before the three month period is over, you have two options either keep her or let her go. But either decision you make make sure it's done on my roof. What is this term out of? This is what I will share with you in the second part of the hookah. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to put Baraka in our marriages, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to give Baraka to our children put Baraka in their lives and the choices that they make along mean akula matters. Marilyn was Sofitel La Jolla. Welcome Lisa. It was mina minko Lytham festival in

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the who who Allah for Rahim.

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. While he was happy he woman while I buried my Mariner metal roof filled. What is the meaning of this term metal roof in the end, commonly it's translated as something that is mutual. But maroof is a universal term that describes the standards that are accepted in all cultures in all places. So an example of this is you don't have the right to call your wife a name. Or she can insult you and call and call you a name. And then say to her, Well, I don't think I insulted you. That's not an insult to me. You can call her these names, or she can do this to you and then say, Well, to me, I can make fun of you or I can

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curse you. And to me, that's not an insult. Allah says deal with each other in metal roof. What is metal roof in all cultures is that, that those kinds of words, those kinds of names and insults are things you don't say to a husband and wife. So Allah says that if you're going to separate, separate upon maroof, upon an understanding that is mutual, that is acceptable in all cultures, in all societies everywhere in the world.

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Again, as I mentioned to you, brothers and sisters,

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because of reasons even till this day, I don't even understand whether it's just emotions, whether it's just hatred or anything else.

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When people come down, and it comes down to a separation in the marriage, they become like enemies to each other. Most marriages end off where the two can never see each other. They won't even utter each other's name anymore. The name just becomes how long. They don't want to have any affiliation with him and his family and his parents. And you have no idea that Allah has made his mother, your mother in law until yom Okayama. Some our lemma argued until even in Yokoyama, she's still your mother in law, so don't try to run away from her in this world, because you'll have her in the next world as well.

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You can't run away from it. Then Allah azza wa jal continues, and he says, What does she do though? I didn't mean khumba. Pema Shahad had she had that Adela the Lee Kuan Yew also be human can you mean ob la he will do mill or mania tequila ha ha Allahu Maharaja. Allah azza wa jal says, bring somebody one or two people who are upgrade that can witness this divorce. So have at least two witnesses and uphold their responsibilities as witnesses. The purpose of witnesses. Again, if you haven't studied the chapters of divorce and marriage, you're not going to know what the purpose of these two individuals are. Most of us are very restricted. Okay, watch what I'm doing and your job is done.

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The role of a witness in marriage and in divorce is they play the roles of counselors. They are the people that you go to because Allah says though, ideally, these are people who are just who are fair minded individuals, you don't just randomly select people from the audience and stay here be my witness, even though fundamentally that is okay. It still fulfills the nichetto or the divorce, you should be very selective of who played this, who plays this kind of role. Find people who are just who are fair who have at least some basic knowledge of Islam and so you be my witness. So in case there's any problems, disagreements, these witnesses can intervene, intervene and defuse the

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situation. Then Allah azza wa jal concludes

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that he comm you all will be

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That is the reminder that Allah azza wa jal relief leaves you with men can you mean Oh Bella, you will do Mila. Allah talks about Amen. All of these verses that I've shared with you, all that I've said to you is only going to make sense to the person who has taqwa, who believes in Allah, who believes in the last day. Notice that every single time, Pollack is talked about in Quran, it's always in the context of taqwa.

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Every time a lot talks about divorce, always in the context of fear Allah, have Taqwa of Allah. So the A concludes one may adopt a law whoever has taqwa of Allah, eh Allah who Maharajah Allah will always give you an exit or a way out. So you have some some of these couples who are literally felt trapped in their marriages. Because one spouse is not willing to cooperate with the other allies. So Adele is saying have Taqwa Hang in there. Be patient, try to work with that individual stay away from confrontation. If he or she insults you don't insult back because that's just gonna escalate the problem. Just have Taqwa Allah will give you a way out. And then Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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continues warriors zuku min hazratullah. Yes, the accessibe Allah azza wa jal is going to provide for you in ways that you yourself can't even imagine.

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A 50 year old could fall in a divorce.

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And he or she has been married for 25 years, 30 years. And they think to themselves that when this divorce happens, well, I guess I'm just going to die single, who's going to want to marry a 50 or 60 year old person. Allah has the hotel says, look, have Taqwa I'm going to give you a way out peacefully. But I'm also going to provide for you in ways you can't even imagine in this area, a lot is calling your spouse's risk. Usually, when we think of a law providing for us we usually think about wealth. A lot is calling your husband, your wife. This is a risk that I'm giving you. So Allah azza wa jal says, If marriage is something that is still on your mind after that divorce, then don't

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worry keep taqwa in your heart and in your life, and Allah will provide a spouse for you. And so brothers and sisters, I conclude, this is a major problem in our Muslim cultures all over the world. The Christians are way ahead of us. They've already started building these support programs and these counseling programs to nurture this process to facilitate this process and make it as easy as possible. I admit, we have taken a long time, but we've started this process as well. We started these programs in all the massages that you can think of about dealing with domestic problems, marriage problems, every message you go to, there's always a course on marriage, we've started to

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address these issues will be become very slow added. It's taking 20 divorces before we can save one marriage. So we still have a lot of work. Instead of investing in just buildings. We got to invest in people again, in families. Again, a community is only as strong as the families that make up that community. So Bismillah Italia, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to strengthen our communities and strengthen our families. And by default when we do that Allah subhanho wa Taala would put Baraka in our massages put Baraka in our institutions. And so these are the words that I leave you with for you to think about for you to discuss with your families, for you to take home back with you to your

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marriages, and to think about discuss death don't discuss divorce, but keep these this knowledge in the back of your mind. If Allah azza wa jal ever wills for something like this to happen to you. What took a lot of backroom stuff taqwa of Allah, Who is your master, my brothers and sisters, we conclude

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and we send peace and blessings to our Rasul Salatu was Salam hora la cama Marana subhanho wa Taala Phaeton xili in Allahu wa mela equateur who you saw lunarlon b u haul Latina M and o Salalah. He was suddenly motus Lima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad wa ala de Mohammed came also later Allah Ibrahim awada early Ibrahima innaka hamidah Majeed Allahu muffle Massimino all Muslim at Walmart meanie now one more minute I hear him in Humala m word in Korean semi romaji Buddha word Allahumma barik fee as wodgina along my baddeck fee as well Gina, what will you Tina was the reason

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Yeah Tina Yato Bella Bella mean sapan ob Cara Bella is the tiara my OC phone was so down when I learned more Selena will hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa