The Etiquette of Disagreement – Episode 12

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Muhammad West

Channel: Muhammad West

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Reliable shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Germain, our beloved brothers in Islam Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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All Praise to Allah subhana wa tada Chateau La ilaha illAllah hubbie witness that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah. We praise Allah and we thank Allah for all his goodness and his kindness. We ask Allah to accept from us the first thing that we've done on the day of Ashura may be a means that all our sins for the past year be forgiven. By Allah forgive all our sins and grant us to meet him without any sins and we send our love greetings Salutations, so beloved Nabina, Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, to his pious and pure family to the Sahaba. And all those who follow a student until the end of times, may Allah bless us to be upon the student of Neville Salaam in this life,

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and being his companionship in the life of the mean. Will hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah, we continue this on the CD. So the Port 12 Well, hamdulillah on the etiquette of disagreement, and we spoke about personal disagreement. In reality, this series came about after some events that happened after Ramadan, and you might remember not to remember where they were some still awful friction within the community. And we said, we want to discuss the controversial theological issues. The idea of the series was, let's debate the two issues which we've done, let's debate mold sooner or better, let's debate maybe even Sunni Shia Islam, these kinds of differences, why can't we discuss them in a

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way that is productive? Right. But I mentioned before we get to what the hell am I talking about the debates personally, or perhaps more important, how we how we speak to our parents, our spouses, our brothers and sisters. And that's why we this is where we are in the series. So we spoke at length about husbands and wives and why we fight. And we talked about the ways in which we can resolve conflict and Alhamdulillah people have responded and said, it's relevant to the situation, and I'm glad that it is some benefit in you know, hookbait lecture is meant for to be taken on. Also, I must mention here, some people have come to me during counseling, you know, and sometimes you might

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think, is he talking about me? is he using my life on? No, these slides were done, sometimes even years ago. But it's good that it's relevant, because this issue is of the same incentives the same, what we were arguing about what the Sahaba argued about what the people before, you know, men, men and women, marriage issues stay the same throughout time, when hamdulillah and we spoke about resolving conflict, marital disagreements, and we got to a point where we said the Sharia permits divorce and that's where we stopped last week. And I just want to this beautiful if we read it and sometimes we forget about it, just to remind us that while divorces Okay, we always start to work.

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It's the law of divorces The last option, and it's beautiful. It reminds us when our losses will increase to Chicago but Chicago by any means that if you feel that there's going to be dissension dispute, animosity between the two meaning husband and wife, they insane a heck of an arbitrator from his family or his people not he doesn't even say family it could be even from his side and an arbitrator from her side mean both of them have a representative but the point point of the ayah which I love Allah sees in your reader is Lucha you were freaking level. But you know, Huma, if they both really seriously desire to reconcile Allah promises, he will cause them to reconcile. So Allah

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guarantees that he will bring reconciliation. I this is a beautiful thing from a lines of promise from Allah, that if you genuinely are not only in marriage, in your partnerships in your community, if two parties have a disagreement, but they come at in good faith, no one is not you're not trying to win points. You're not trying to get one above the other one you are trying to be underhand, then Allah will put Baraka in that relationship. He will bring Islam, Allah will bring Islam. This is also not to say that those couples that went through the divorce process, they were not sincere. They were not doing things correctly, that they threw in the towel too early. The Sharia also says,

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If you feel that and we said this last week, if it's better for your deen and better for your dunya you do near as well to leave this marriage than what hamdulillah you can. Marriage is something which should not be a jihad, right? You should not be struggling at work and come home and be another fight. And you don't you don't want to get your Yo yo yo yo yo martyrdom in your marriage. You want to get your martyrdom somewhere else. Right so this is not something you should struggle with. So we spoke last time at length about divorce when you can divorce. Now talking about how and this is more topic today. This is more a fake lecture. Because I find that we don't know the rules

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of taarak our marriage clauses don't go and those of us who are most of us are married yet, we need to understand talaq properly because the implications of this are serious. We see that there are three types of ways of India marriage, Barak first and hula de la is what the husband says I tala Q, he pronounces a statement that indicates that they will the marriage ins first is fine

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as we call it, the lady goes to the MDC or to the Ola and they are now the marriage this comes from so the talaq is from the husband. fossa is from the Ola from the judge between Islamic country from the court. hula is from the lady, she divorces the husband. by purchasing herself out Muto. I think we've mentioned it, but we'll talk more in detail, we will start off because this is the most common way of ending a marriage. So we said that Allah gives the right of talaq in the hands of the husband, and how he goes about issuing a power. So how do I give a talk, you make a statement, we will write a statement, you give an indication that you would like to end the marriage. Right? So

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it's very clear, either you say, I tell you, I divorce you. I don't want to be married to you. If you ask anyone in the world. What did he mean by that? It's very clear what he means he means to end the marriage, then it counts or Pollock counts. Whether he meant it, he didn't mean it. When he was angry. It was a moment, if he said it. Even if he jokingly said it's a community document. This is a joke. It counts. Serious.

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One might say, well, what if the man said something ambiguous? He said Get lost. I'm done with you.

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If we had a villa, what does this mean? Right? What does it mean? It means we asked the husband in what did you mean? And he has to be sincere? He has to be honest. If he meant at that moment, I'm done with you as a wife. That means it comes with a lock. If it means he says no, no, I just think I'm done with you now or go away for tonight, then it's all understand but the husband's intentions will look at it so be understand this. And how many times do we say stuff like this in our marriage? How many times you know, we use vanilla any counter attack if we make it super HaNavi very, very careful with these kind of words.

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So the process we said when you enter a marriage, by default, Allah has allowed you three statements you have three as I may use the analogy of a gun with three arrows. You can you can you can use them. There's three of them. So how it happens, you amend that will be the venue that the married the man will say, okay, there's some big conflict or some argument, the man says I thought of you I divorce you right? So immediately when he says that, the ladies in either she's now in either he used one of his three, not to use one, she's an EDA during this period, you can take her back in the Edo period. You can say I made a mistake. I want you back I you know, I regret it I take you back.

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And if he takes her back in the in the period in the PV, three menstrual cycles, we'll talk about essential but three menstrual cycles if you take her back in that period, when the old Nika is still intact, the one the first liquor and no new no new nikka needed no Muscovy nothing, it's it's fine. But the only has two Deluxe lift.

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If he uses all three, so he collected now 2005 VAT tax and he took it back 2012 we collected again to come back now 2018 You know, he talked again, now a third time contact Quebec. So what now what happens now Now we must be separated. They cannot even get married in unica. If they want to get married again. He needs to go in a proper legitimate marriage, she needs to marry someone else. And if that person leaves her divorces, she now and she feces in the ocean come back. Now very important. I must mention this because the promises and gives a headache like this. There's no such thing as halala marriage meaning kerama marriage, meaning you find these people they'll say Ayesha,

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you want to get back with Ahmed? Yeah, but he taught me three times. Don't worry, I will marry you. And then I'll devote one more, I'll marry you. And we'll make we'll consummate the marriage. And then I'll divorce you and you can go back. This is haraam had always had this kind of fake marriage had on Xena basically, she needs to genuinely marry someone that you once and if that breaks, then she can choose to go back to as well. If we said you gave the one Pollock,

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the Edo period expires

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you still have to lift after two three years. you reconcile you realize you know what grass isn't greener outside. On the other side you want to go back and you guys reconcile and this is the Quran that says if two parties want to get married to each other, don't stand in the way this is sort of awkward. Allah says the two parties were seeds to the family usually of the bride. If they got divorced, and now they want to reconcile and get back together as ugly as it was when they got married and the divorce process, allow them to get married again. When you get married on a new nikka now write a new contract new Muscovy everything new but you still have to Deluxe to Deluxe

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lift.

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Also we said you can you can give that color to a lady tough we do talk we mentioned this as you can pass you can say from day one. I give you the option of talak you know wife, you can tell me if you want you can use it you give her the gun.

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One note, whatever that module or you can give to an external person, you can say, share, you know our situation if you think it's best you can tell us allowed to be done. And a sister can request that although we said we don't advise a sister because well IE this issue of luck is not a privilege. It's a difficult and honor to keep that do not use that gun through thick or thin. To not two brothers are laughing is like they speak from experience like that to not to use it is a great great Amana to keep it and leave your sisters as bad as your husbands are. And as bad as the arguments are realize that he never used that. No matter what you said or did to him or how bad he

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got. He never crossed that line. And that is something that he always kept that in mind. So it's a lovely thing. So

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how do you even giving a talaq with an adapter? Now this whole series is about the etiquettes of disagreement, not to say you don't disagree, not to say you won't get divorced, even in divorces and adapt is a good way and a wrong way. And I said this last week understand the difference between haram and valid. That talaq if a guy makes a joke, I tell you, it counts valid divorced, right? So it counts but he's sinful, he committed a sin because he made jokes of the Sharia. So there's a haram way of doing it but valid and there's a proper way. So how is the valid way of doing it? You cannot divorce your wife in a in a in a hide in her means if the ladies and umaine says it is haram,

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but valid haram but valid if you issue a talaq, which isn't a hide. So if you say so obviously, she's gonna hide this we know intimacy between the parties, she's perhaps not in the best frame of mind. She's not feeling so good. So this argument, she's Moody, and in that moment, you teleca her arm, you committed a sin, a big sin, but it counts counts, that marriages you divorce, she goes into India. So that's why the Prophet says that sort of level, but as from divorcing our wives during the head, even more, something we don't know. Between two hides the clean period, so she had a hyena, she was clean, and she had to hide again. So in this period where she was clean, if you had

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intercourse with her in any time in that three weeks or a month, whatever it might be, you cannot tell aka so if you've just had intimacy between a height, you cannot tell aka right? If you do counts, but Haram. Okay, so the brother then sees if I can't alakina height, and I can't tell aka which is clean. So when do I tell aka right? What you should do the correct way is you now want to know Ahmed wants to divorce Fatima. You must decide okay, she's gonna hate I can't do it now. Oh, she was clean. But where intimacy can't do it. Now. I must wait for height. When the height is done, then only I can? And if and what the Sharia is telling you think about it physically. You have to

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wait, wait, don't give it immediately. Now. three more weeks is not going to do anything for the last 16 years of marriage. But it stops you from momentary giving you a lock and how many times I think 90% of the time Alex, if we if you practice that you maybe wouldn't give it a lot. It wasn't in the heat of the moment. So your talaq and have had this we people actually schedule look, we're gonna pronounce the talaq in three weeks time shift where you're going to be present to witness and I don't invite me to those things. I prefer what the singer janaza the new talaq

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so those that is actually better we plan and if and Alhamdulillah I've had the situation another situation where on the day with a lot was supposed to be done the lady the girl was in a height and so that to postpone it and then hamdulillah the marriage continued for some time after that as well rethinking things, just time to think about it. So this is the sooner the way of giving tala nothing to hide and not in a clean period when you had intercourse with her. Right excellent.

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But it is valid. The next thing is how many blocks can I give at a time? What if I want to empty the gun on her?

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Now one Tara could have done the job $1 could have ended the marriage but you find as an added spike to added hatred the guy says I Takeshima all three now three times in one go now this is an area of great debate because the prophets of Salaam

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he we mean did that he gave an ad at the end usually when they do that they get it they can I check I gave $3 but I want to back we said no she was somebody someone else that I didn't mean to empty my entire all my thoughts on what do I do? Some guys I talk to 1000 times. Right? What now what do we do? So

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initially the prophets of Salaam he was merciful on this matter, but because men began abusing this issue, as an added harm to the lady they gave her this kind of multiple products. So say no matter the language

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As the halifa, he said as a way of punishment, we will count it as three, you give three will count it as three, you give it three in one shot will come to the sea. So many in the majority of them either in F taken that multiple Deluxe in one sitting counts as multiple Deluxe.

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And how many people degrade the sign of the MVC, the view and it's the in the images he had and not having the luxury now allows us both two options. So in one case, you can look at it for this situation, three counts as one in another situation no for you three counts as three. So we look at the situations and I know that MVC is a view on this and I gladly also endorse that view that we will give the benefit of the doubt that three only counts as one. But understand the gray area you're treating here.

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It is haraam to give more than one talaq in one sitting around in her in her high in her.

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So you really thought she's gonna leave it, lady, if we don't want to let the day run its course by giving her another talaq will not speed up the process doesn't doesn't mean if I give three talks, there's no no, she's telling me the monkey can't take it back. The point is, don't give multiple talents in one setting. So timing and multiple Deluxe.

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Right? So majority of the scholar says three counts as three.

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But these are leniency. And we try to practice that because our people are not mature. And they give three without meaning. And so there's some leniency from the allameh.

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Right. So, as we see, you do this without you plan this thing not in your head, not in a clean period when you have slept with her, you give one you see out the entire period. Also in the in the period. If you have intercourse in that period, you have some form of affection, it automatically means you to come back and we'll talk about EDA in more detail. It is what when a man and woman can reconcile meaning one terracotta rocks, they can still come back and you understand with me before the third third shot. In that case, the lady should not believe she should stay in the house. Allow them to reconcile and I know in our customer now the medical doctor, she runs away immediately. This

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closes the doors of reconciliation.

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What about Tara if we are intoxicated, and Subhanallah we shouldn't even be needing to talk about it because muslimin of course we never intoxicated, even though certain laws have become you know, it's not even legal to do certain things or you have to be loved. But the sad reality is people do when they intoxicated. Even Muslim people they do the worst of things. You know, what do they say in this situation? Allah, Allah knows best talaq when you're out of your senses completely out of your mind. Allah does not hold you accountable for that. Although some Allah says we shouldn't allow this man to give him the benefit of the doubt because he was intoxicated. But I mean, the general rule of the

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Sharia if someone is Majnoon, they're not in the census. We don't hold them to account with us due to illness, would you to you know, some any kind of reasonable situation, we don't count that as talaq. So,

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when intoxicated, if you genuinely out of your mind, you didn't know what you were saying. Then that will not count talaq well, joking counts, we see that even a joke about it counts, talaq in anger. So important one. Now, most of us are done in anger. I don't use any dialogue done with pleasure. That's very cold if you do it with pleasure, right? But Allah in anger, and the orlimar differentiate two types of anger, anger, where you lose your senses completely. He basically lost his mind, he would, you know, she went, and they completely lost all function, the brain just switched off. In this situation, it doesn't count. Right? So it's complete loss of senses and

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control. And that's very, even if you're very angry, you don't lose completely your senses. So most tallac in anger, but you still in control, even if you didn't mean it, it counts. It counts. So be very careful. And that's the number one excuse me when I was angry. I didn't mean it doesn't count. So long as you knew what you were saying. So long as you understood the implications. It counts. So we spoke about Pollak, you want

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to take it back to dollars in a day, you can take it back $3 has done context back. Okay. The next type of divorce is what we called first facade, as we call it colloquially, this is an annulment. This is way, one of the two parties goes to an authority and they request that they dissolve the marriage they another marriage. Now, usually, first off is not done by a man, but he can initiate the talk, he can establish a facade. I mean, why would he go through all that procedure when he can just start off if he wants to in the manager stocks, right? But let's say he gave all three talks to his wife, let's hypothetically say in his contract, you made a lead and he gave all three stocks to

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his wife. Now he wants to exit the marriage and she says, I won't talk, you know, no talent for you. Then he has to apply for the FAFSA at the MTC, but usually it's the other way around we and Subhan Allah, Allah speaks out the social worker.

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Where a lady is in distress, and she wants to leave. The man doesn't want to be a good husband. But I don't want anyone else to have you. So I keep you your standard.

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Like one law, as a local describes it like you're she's hanging, she doesn't know where to go. So then, without any recourse she needs to go to the allameh and speak to them to dissolve this marriage. So in the side notes here in the Jewish faith, they don't have fossa, which means main that disappear 20 years, what am I caught in that marriage? mean that refuses to to divorce, no matter how bad he is nothing she can do. They call this lady anchored lady, she's changed, she can't do anything. And just this will interesting, the Israeli Defense Force. So for the color for the in the Jewish faith, they must arrive a miracle they get gets, I don't know which what will get lost or

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what get get away, I don't know what it was called to get. So they require the soldiers to write the gate and leave it in case they get captured or the disappear. So then they can use it so that the lady can be freed. So in our Sharia as a mercy, it's allowed,

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that one of the two parties can go to an authority and say, Look, I want to know this marriage. So why so you go to the FTC and the FTC has their own procedures. And the protocols, they allama will not take this lightly understand this, the owner themselves do not want to issue a facade. They don't want to be accountable, the FTM of ending a marriage where kids are involved XYZ, they will try to reconcile and mediate, and hamdullah we understand why they have those procedures. For some parties, they feel this is too to audience, almost making me jump through hoops to get there. Well, this is your marriage, we try our best for reconciliation. But if you go and what are the grounds

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for us? As we said, if one of the if your rights as a husband or wife is not being met, financially, physically, sexually, spiritually, your rights are not being met. Those are grounds for facade. And even we look if we were to be true to the sooner, even if you simply don't like your spouse, you're not happy, for no for no valid reason. We spoke about this of the SR

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32 Nicholas's wife, we came to the property, she came and said, Yeah, I don't complain about Savi being a bad man. He's a good Muslim, and a good person. I just don't like him basically. Can you in this marriage, and the professor permitted his marriage to end? So you go to the MVC and they'll try the best to reconcile try to fix the problem, conflicts the problem? Then they will either ask the husband usually so they will instead if you really guys want to in the marriage, give your wife a talaq stole it comes from you, not from him. But if the husband refuses, in that case, obviously, they will issue a FAFSA. And when the woman is finished that so they divorced. Can you come back

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after FAFSA? Yes, you can. You can come and have a new nikka but you have to come back with a new Nikkor. Okay. And when you enter that marriage, you still have your 331 good side of us when they come back, the man still has his three locks in place. Okay. So let's just with regards to

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this other one, which we spoke about, and this is with regards to

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the story of this lady who Nicholas's wife. She asked for the hula with a lady basically tells the husband divorced me in terms of a hula not autolock, and I will pay you to divorce me. She buys herself out of marriage. So this is the story of this lady that says I complain about my husband, Tabitha is not a bad guy. I just don't like him. So the prophets of Salaam says to

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take back your garden so you gave her a garden as Muscovy as Maha take it back and then later go and this is this is permissible. Allah mentions this in the in the Quran says in the Quran, Allah says what I

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mean by

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that is haram for you ever, ever, ever to take back to the Muscovy? Even if you pay 10 billion Rand and you spent one night together and in the morning you found you something completely shocked you. You cannot take back that Muscovy Subhanallah you love but the reality is the main that are still paying the Muscovy even after divorce, because that's the idea. Before you pay your your inheritance to your children. If you have a Muscovy dowry, oh, it's a debt that must be paid off first. So Allah says never ever Can you take back a cent of the dowry except Illa. De hoffa Allah up McAdoo the law, except if the two of them fears that they can't maintain the law of Allah meaning as husband and

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wife, they can't live together. And if you fear such a situation, that they would not be able to keep the limits of Allah, then there is no sin on either of them. If she gives back meaning to eggs to dissolve the marriage, she gives something back here, take my money, and we go our separate ways, take back some money. Understand. So this is so this is an allowance in the Sharia. And it should be understood by all of us that are married about to get married, mainly

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And women, the Sharia is quite broad. And understand when this lowest came down, ladies had no rights of any kind, the Sharia has made multiple avenues. Right and given, obviously these things can be abused. These things can be abused, but don't abuse it.

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So once the lady just the hula, the husband and wife agree on an amount, the man will say a certain word which he will set for up to or I've separated from you. He won't say tala because it doesn't count as a talaq. They remove it is revocable meaning of the hula, they can still come back and get married again. Okay, and your thoughts are still intact. And this is an announcement of obviously all relations. So we'll talk about now it's going to eat them again. This is another idea of the school so it's not a fake thing, but we're going to talk a little bit about

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what is

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it there is a waiting period of the talaq Why? So, again, the system is so behind Allah, I die today, tonight, after the gentle Salah my husband can ever nikka again he says he allows that, why? Why is it like that? Why must I go into either, but he can get married immediately after a divorce? Because it's a systematic today. And she got divorced and marriage. Sorry, tomorrow. And she gets pregnant, who is the father of this child paternity. So Allah has both this entire process in May the main one of the reasons is to determine paternity of any children. And so it's very clear, okay, she was medical sorry, she got divorced in three months, three menstrual cycles. Now she got married

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to Ibrahim, and they have a child, clearly he brought his child, there's no dispute to maintain paternity. And the Sharia applies in the 21st century as much as it applied 1400 years ago. So what is this waiting period? How long is it depends on the scenario. If a lady is pregnant,

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and the husband divorces or, or the husband dies, or this could also happen, either it's divorce or he dies, then her it is until birth.

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You with me? The minute she gives birth in the ins. So if she is nine months pregnant, the men toxa and she goes into labor immediately. How is it done? If a husband dies, and she just conceived it, she's got nine months to go, then unfortunately, her either is nine months. So Allah says, And for those who are pregnant, they eat that is until they lay down the burden meaning until she gives birth or she miscarries. Okay. All right. So in any situation, a pregnant woman is until birth

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talaaq for a woman that is menstruating, if a man or a woman and she still means steroids, meaning for some of us who don't know, lady, once you reach a certain age, she stops menstruating. So before that period before she goes into menopause, she has her period is three menstrual cycles. So if she has three in one month, it counts. If she has three over six months, and then six months, so three menstrual cycles, that will be the period of her.

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If she does not mean steroids. She's beyond that age. When the share of him Allah says that that old fella to assure that she has three months for three calendar months, 90 days basically, that will be for the lady that does administer mysteries. This is in the case of talaq in the case of death, this is a unique one a lots of answers. And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they shall wait for four months and 10 days. So this edit it the wire Allah Why, why is it three but if you've made it for four months and four months and 10 days Why as an added sense of mourning and respect to the deceased husband has the added sense of respect for him. And the inner of a woman whose husband

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died is a lot more strict than either of divorce. We'll talk about the sometimes be confused about that. Those very strict rules that she can't sleep outside the house that she can't we

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clothing that is sort of beautiful that she can't attend the masjid. That's only for the lady whose husband died, the lady was divorced, permissive, she can do everything she can do. In fact, if she's in her either, and in this period, we can take her back with permission of her husband because he's technically still a husband in the in the period she can do anything with His permission of course. And if they can't come back then it's not as strict as the either of the lady whose husband had died in a situation of hula and Fasano. Now we're getting right so if your wife took you to the emergency and she fostered the marriage, or she hula, you agreed to pay her back the she paid back the money

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and the marriage ended. The Sharia, strictly speaking, allows for one month in that period, only one month, but I know the MTC has taken a rule to three months just to be safe or any suspicion because think about this. You genuinely divorce the husband for proper reasons the emergency Foster and within one month you marry someone else, what is everyone going to say? They will really involve

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Before the Vasa so this three month period is a is a good thing for us to reconsider and reconcile and, and, you know be more sure.

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What are the rules of either

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if one or two blocks have been pronounced meaning there's a chance for husband and wife to come back then she should live with the husband, they should still live together. And he's totally responsible for Hanukkah and XYZ they are still like semi married because they can reconcile so don't run away from the house. If of course the colors were given and they can't reconcile now he got three bullets, his gun is empty. They need to separate she needs to live away from him No. And in the in the period when you can take her back. So after one or two talks, can I can I address if you can say hello to everything is your husband, right? But after three talks, they know you're strangers now.

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Now you need to be complete union maharam you can't be alone together even cooler and facade, facade. Similarly, you need to be separated because if you want to come back on a new nikka contract. In the case of the deceased woman we said in her in the period the Hadith says she should stay in the house of a husband. So you found behind Allah This is a kind of a strictness that we find in the Sharia that the prophets of Salaam in the Battle of boyhood some of the men died in the battle. The ladies so few of the ladies there without husbands so they will say to them Avital solemn, we're quite scared to stay alone. So he said, you can get together and spend time with each

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other. But when nighttime comes in sleep in your own house, sleeping the house of your husband for four months and 10 days leaving the house can she leave the house in her either. We said if she's still living with her husband, that revocable one or two talents, you know the permission of her husband, she can leave at any time for necessity. And we see the strict way she cannot leave at all she should stay in the house for if it's not a necessary reason, only for the case where the husband has died. We have this beautiful Hadith jabil said my maternal aunt was thrice divorced. Her husband died up to three times and she went out to harvest in the field working in the field and a man made

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to enter you enter into the villa you should be in your house. So she didn't know what to do. And consult to the prophets of Salaam and the prophets on seek to go out and harvest you'll go and work no problem. Perhaps you'll give some thing of good in charity in that so no problem for the sister to work even by choice. Right in the in her EDA and this is where the prophets of Salaam look at this hideous panel. I mean, this narration strange if someone says If a woman has been divorced, so not the not the husband hasn't died if she's just divorced, and she wants to come to the masjid in her.

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But she doesn't have to come up for dinner but she wants to come then she's allowed to do so we can't stop it so long as she doesn't stay overnight. But sometimes we made the more strict than it needs to be more the Sharia. So it is sometimes difficult. Don't make it more difficult. The woman whose husband has died the process another in the case of an ID of a woman whose husband has passed away for her we said she can't sleep outside of our house should stay in the house as much as she can. She shouldn't even beautify herself with with makeup and with jewelry with perfume except what is essential for washing and to wear clothing that is attractive. So for four months in 10 days,

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this is part of her mourning period. And this is what the Sharia has prescribed

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custody in in the divorce and coming to an end right custody, couples divorce who do the kids go to? The Sharia actually gives more right to the mother. The mother has a right of custody so long as the kids are not old enough to know once they get to a level where they can understand maybe in the teenage years, then we ask them would you like to stay with mom or dad. So the custody favors the mother in the Sharia. But the nefa kind of maintenance of those children will always be the father's responsibility. The only exception here is if the mother wants to remarry and a new man is in her life. In that case the father can take the kids this from a Sharia perspective. Of course the South

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African law is different and we have to abide by the law of South Africa. Lastly, the etiquette of Deluxe Allah subhanho wa Taala Kumara Tang you gave two talks now twice you gave Tilak now on the third situation for him sir couldn't be married off, then keep together husband and wife on equitable terms be together in this marriage on in equitable terms. Oh three home vs son, all separate on a son. What is your son? The best been separate in a beautiful way? leave each other in a nice way. Don't badmouth one another don't harm one another. Don't criticize because will lie. You spent many years you had an intimate relationship like you had with no one else. That person brought

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you happiness even if it was only momentary. Don't spoil your relationship of ever coming back through an ugly messy divorce. You see children even and therefore couples that get divorced and they do so wonderfully in a nice way.

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There's always room for reconsideration afterwards. And when they come back after that, I think in my opinion, that when they come back and they marry, marry off the divorce, then it's even better. Why? Because when you're married, you're young. Everything was hunky dory. Right? She said, who I know is a man of gender. Now, you know, when I take this person back, it's full with the flows with warts and all, as we said, you know exactly what you get into that. Now, when he says kaabil, to he really means that he at that time he was, maybe it wasn't even obvious since we can ask that question, that management count. But now he's fully saying when he says, I accept, I accept

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everything. So even in divorce Allah saying, Billy Hassan, in the base, London a good way, in the best possible way, no hurtful words, no ugliness, no lies, you do so in an excellent way. inshallah we'll take a break on the series. Next week, we'll talk about our heritage because it's Heritage Day Monday. Well, hamdulillah it's a public holiday, like me. Right. So Heritage Day, and we'll have a talk on our customs and cultures here in Cape Town and our long history with hamdulillah. Just a few announcements, any comments, questions, concerns with [email protected]?

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We would like to say, Hello, Hey, thank you so much to everyone who contributed to a very successful Mahara match. Over 2000 people attended Alhamdulillah logistics, like me, because the kids taking them around. And whenever we do do anything with children, we have to you know, make sure that roads are safe. And each child got toys or food or hamper soccer. So hamdulillah for those who contributed It was a massive, massive effort from the masjid and for our supporters, Alhamdulillah Allah accept from us, Ma, we made our kids grow up and continuing the legacy that we have here in Cape Town, moving it forward, then that's it, man. It's a public holiday. But if you are not leaving, are you

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in town, then we have an excellent Course Home sweet home. It's about all these issues about marriage from choosing a spouse to raising good children. So chef, Allah has 20 years of experience in psychology, he will be here. It's an excellent course. See, and just look at the man's wisdom upon Allah. today. We need as he boarded the plane, he made a tweet or a Facebook post, he sees a man who says sorry, even when he's when he's wrong, is an honest man. And a man who says sorry, when he's not sure what he did. He's a wise man. And a man who says sorry, when he's right, he's a husband.

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So as a man of hikma right, as a man of Hickman so inshallah scheck will join us please, you know, attend you won't regret it. When our course and hamdullah women around the messenger Alhamdulillah is growing and lots of people would like to hear more about this. If you'd like to join, you can message you can send a message to Oh, eight, four, triple to 13 oh 804 triple 238. If you'd like to join, we'll send you the lectures. But if you respond with a question, don't respond to that number. That's the magic number. That's a public number. If you'd like to respond to me personally, that's not my number. With [email protected] Sokoloff. He can so much Assalamualaikum